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Everything I Wanted

Summary:

Catra is feeling void of emotion, but still perserveres

Notes:

Imported and slightly rewritten (to fix typos and whatnot) from my Wattpad (same @)

Also yes, the title is a reference to the Billie Eilish song

Work Text:

Catra lied awake on her bed in Bright Moon. The war was over now and the Best Friend Squad returned the magic all over the universe.

There was no more mission. No more fight.

She had already apologized to everyone. Scorpia, Mermista, Entrapta, the list goes on.

They all forgave her, of course (though Mermista was a bit more of a struggle)

She was living with the girl she loved in a kingdom that accepted her.

Shadow Weaver was gone.

Everything she had ever wanted deep down was here... So why did she feel so numb?

She laid there in her bed, feeling empty. Void of any and all emotion.

Perfuma said that it was something called "depression", likely a product of all her trauma.

Whatever the reason, it was unpleasant.

She laid there, numb, too tired to get up.

The rest of the rebellion was aware of this. They knew that if Catra suddenly isolated herself for a few days, she was having some sort of episode.

Adora knocked on the door. "Catra?"

"Come in" Catra said in a monotone voice, because anything more would have been a lot of work

She found the energy to sit up as Adora walked in

"Hey" Adora said

Catra didn't respond

"Have you eaten today?" Adora asked, knowing that the answer was probably no, as Catra's appetite was affected by these things

Catra just shook her head lightly

Adora sighed. Not disappointed, just concerned.

"Do you think you could join us for dinner?"

Catra shrugged in response

Later

It was dinnertime.

Catra decided to join the rebellion for the meal.

She knew she probably wouldn't eat very much, if at all.

She also knew that she probably wouldn't be very fun to talk to.

But she also was kind of tired of being so alone.

So, she came to dinner, sitting in between Scorpia and Double Trouble.

Scorpia was talking to Entrapta and DT was talking to their boyfriend Sea Hawk

Dinner was some turkey and mashed potatoes that Hordak and Wrong Hordak made together (Well, Hordak did most of the work)

Catra looked at the food apathetically. She wasn't hungry, but she did force herself to take a bite of each thing because Hordak's cooking was always good, even if she kind of despised Hordak himself.

After that, she just sat there. Entrapta went to take a break from all the noise, so Scorpia turned to the feline.

"You feeling okay, Wildcat?" Scorpia asked

Catra just shrugged in response. Scorpia nodded

She wanted to be able to fill the void that Catra was currently feeling, but she knew there wasn't much she could do.

After dinner, Catra went back to her room.

She still felt apathetic.

She wanted to do something. Anything.

She had a list of things she could do in her room alone and went through them, trying to find something to do.

Drawing? No. Don't have the motivation. Exercise? No. That would take a lot of effort. Reading? No. That would require focus

She continued in her head like that, desperate to find something to do.

She then tried to think of people she could talk to.

Adora? No. She'd want to actually have a full conversation. Same goes for Bow and Glimmer. Uh...  Mermista ? No. She's still kinda mad about me... destroying her kingdom... so I  highly  doubt she'd want to talk to me.  Scorpia ... Not right now.  Perfuma  would want to talk about how I feel.  Frosta  would probably punch me again.  Netossa  and  Spinnerella  probably don't trust me...

Almost everyone would either not want to talk to her or want an engaging conversation.

Almost.

However, Catra did think of 3 good candidates.

Entrapta would happily go on a whole thing about technology.

DT would put on a one-person play in a heartbeat.

Sea Hawk would be overjoyed to sing a bunch of sea shanties.

Sea Hawk was annoying though...

That just left Entrapta and DT.

Catra slowly got off her bed and out into the hall.

The first one she saw would be the first one she'd ask.

That happened to be Entrapta, who was exiting a dark room (probably either to work on something or to take a break from the bright lights of the kingdom)

"Hey" Catra said to Entrapta in a monotone voice

"Hi" Entrapta replied. She seemed energetic.

"You wanna come to my room and tell me about whatever new projects you're working on?" Catra asked

Entrapta's eyes lit up, probably because no one besides Hordak or Scorpia had ever asked that.

Entrapta happily followed Catra back to the room, flapping her arms a bit in excitement.

Catra gave a small smile.

The numbness was still there, but there was a hint of something.

Not happiness. But something.

The feeling of having a friend to talk to.

So when Entrapta started enthusiastically talking about technology, she wasn't tired and responding with one-word answers or body language

She actually engaged in conversation with Entrapta

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