Chapter Text
Hao sat there quietly, contemplating everything as he slowly turned his hand in front of him. Every single perfect coincidence lining up to give him exactly what he wanted.
Yoh could have not been born, and sure Hao likely still would have become Shaman King, but would his mother still have been out of his reach? Would Ohachiyo still plague his mind giving him no reprieve? No one else there the day of his crowning really cared about him. They cared because Yoh cared. They saved him because Yoh wanted to save him. Without Yoh would he have been just as disgruntled of a husk as Yabisu?
It wasn't completely true. Opacho cared about him, but she stood no chance of saving him while still so young. She opened his heart. She helped, but she was just as powerless as everyone else to calm his raging heart. Only Yoh could. Only Yoh did.
There's other things that could have gone wrong. Yoh could have developed reishi, no Yoh should have developed reishi. He didn't against all odds and Hao was thankful he spared him of that. He spared him of a life just like Hao's own. Hao and Anna both knew you couldn't save someone else when you can't even save yourself. If Yoh had developed reishi then all three of them would have been miserable. All three of them would have been destroyed.
Anna. What if Hao had found her first, found her in the snow before Kino could take her in and under the Asakura fold. Would Matamune still be here? Would Matamune still be walking around with his gift? But conversely, would Hao have been saved? Yoh wouldn't know about reishi. He wouldn't know about his power to change hearts.
Yabisu could have meddled with any of this and he didn't. A perfect storm so easy to send off course. All roads led to Hao being Shaman King but no other road lead to him be happy, well not that he could call this happy. There was bureaucracy and a revolt. He still couldn't have things his way.
“What are you thinking about?” Yoh asked, softly, grabbing Hao's hand and bringing it down out of the one spot Hao's eyes were focused and unfocused at the same time.
“You. Me. How easily we could have had none of this.”
“Everything will work out, remember?”
That silly phrase Yoh always said. That phrase that seemed to blanket him and work as his super power. That phrase that whispered back to him in another life.
Don't cry, Asaha. Everything will work out. The gods and spirits will provide for us as long as we believe.
Yoh's eyes scrunched up, studying him.
“Are you okay?”
Yoh's hair was brown like his own. It wasn't honey blond. Yoh was the other half of his soul, not his mother, yet those are the same words his mother always said. Whenever something didn't seem to go right, she'd say everything will work out as they offered up a prayer. His mother's magic phrase.
“She never left,” Hao whispered, and Yoh cocked his head in confusion.
“My mother,” Hao elaborated.
“Of course not. We explained that. Remember? You just couldn't see her through all the hate.”
“No,” Hao retorted, grabbing both of Yoh's hands like a lifeline, “She's been protecting me this whole time. Orchestrating everything.”
“I guess,” Yoh replied, not convinced.
“Your stupid phrase, Yoh. That was her. It was always her.”
“I'm no more your mom than Anna is.”
“You aren't,” Hao conceded, “but you are me. You're the me that walked hand in hand with her. You're the me that could always see her. You may not have remembered but your heart was open to her. She worked through you. She protected you.”
Yoh's eyes softened.
“I'm me and you're you, but I'm glad you found happiness. I really am, but sometimes we have to learn how to let go.”
Hao glared at him.
“I'm not fourteen anymore. You can't always live in the past. That's your problem.”
“I'm lonely here,” Hao admitted, softly.
“Then walk on the earth again. Live again. Who says a god has to be confined to here? Who makes the rules if not a god?”
“You're insufferable, you know that?”
“You tell me that every day,” the vestige of Yoh replied with a cheeky smile.
Hao waved his hand banishing him. Banishing his creation that allowed himself to stay suspended in time. The past was painful and he can't allow himself to get stuck there again. He must move forward. He must guide those below in the way he wanted. His nephew was growing older, and Hao was missing so many firsts.