Chapter Text
Holy shit.
Can someone fucking tell me I ain’t dreaming. Or tell me I’m dreaming, there is in no fucking way Izuku would be here.
“Uhh,” Izuku started, looking like he doesn’t know what exactly to say. “Hey.” he says simply, coming with nothing better to say.
“Hey…” Katsuki parrots back, almost absent mindedly.
“Do you mind if I…?” Izuku asks hesitantly, gesturing to the empty spot on the bench where Katsuki was.
“Sure…”
The fuck?
What kind of situation is this? Why is he here? Is it just a coincidence? Holy shit. He must have looked like some kind of weirdo screaming out of nowhere. Fuck. That’s seriously the impression he’s gonna leave after not seeing each other for 10 years. Mother fucker.
The two were covered in a blanket of awkward silence, both on their side of the bench -all that was left was for them to huddle up on their own corners from how both of them refused to let their limbs spread a bit more freely, refusing to make eye contact.
“Uhh,” Izuku started moments later, startling Katsuki out of his thoughts. “Are you… okay? Are you sick?” He asks, sounding a bit stiff and distant.
“What makes you think that?” Katsuki asked curiously, his voice calm. Did he look sick?
“You seemed like you were in a hurry to get out of the party and you had your head down the whole time.” Izuku explained. Even after all these years, still so sensitive about others, still so caring.
Even to the person who hurt him.
Katsuki let out a quiet, pained chuckle under his breath, soft enough so that the greenette won’t hear it despite the small distance.
“I’m fine.” He answers. Physically, at least. He thinks.
“You didn’t have to check on me.” Katsuki says, but a side of him thanks he did, because in some way, Izuku still cared when he didn’t have to be.
Izuku looked at him with wide eyes, finally stealing a glance at the blond since he sat down on the bench. Stiffly, he says,“You’re right.”
Katsuki instantly felt a pang on his chest, he had to physically restrain himself to not clutch at his chest.
For a moment it was silent, neither of them not knowing what to say after that.
“But,” Izuku broke the silence. “I wanted to.”
Katsuki finally lifted his face, noticing that he hung his head down for way too long the back of his neck started to ache. Looking at the greenette who was looking at the starry night sky, a hint of pain in his eyes, but at the same time there were hints of bashfulness on his cheeks.
It just reminds him of the golden heart this man has.
“Even after I hurt you?” Katsuki blurted out without thought, his words filled with regret, guilt and pain at the same time.
Izuku’s face fell a bit as he continued to look at the stars above, but eventually he answered, “Even though you hurt me.” The blond could hear a trace of hurt in his words.
“I’m sorry,” Katsuki blurted out again. Goddamn, he just has no control over his mouth today huh? “It’s too late to say that now, huh?” He says with a dry chuckle as he averted his crimson orbs away from the man.
Izuku tore his green orbs away from the sky to look at the pained face the blond had as he tried to not to look at him.
“It is,” Izuku agreed. “It is kinda late.”
“But who knows, maybe I’ve been waiting for an apology after all these years.” The greenette says, with a kind smile even though he knows that the blond wasn’t looking at him.
Katsuki ignores the hope and relief that surged through his chest.
There’s no point having those at all after all.
“You shouldn’t be that accepting.” Katsuki reprimanded.
“Should i just keep resenting you then?”
“Isn’t that more logical?” Katsuki isn’t exactly sure why the hell is trying to convince Izuku to hate him.
“But my brain isn’t my heart.” Izuku answers.
The blond remained silent. They both did.
Izuku fixed his gaze back to the night sky above while Katsuki fixed his to the ground, mind both going in and out of his own thoughts -he never thought that was even possible.
“Was any of it real?” Izuku asks moments later.
Katsuki stiffened from his spot, this was hell of a lot more terrifying than serving in the fucking military -not that he would ever admit that- it’s like he’s a criminal or something being interogated.
Soon, he relaxed and answered honestly, “For the first part, it wasn’t. It was some shitty plan to make Shindo look at what he lost for breaking up with me. But as time went on,” He sighed, as recalled those days from 10 years ago.
“But?” Izuku prompted when Katsuki took a while to continue his sentence, anxiously waiting for the blond’s answer.
“I fell for you…” The blond says, a soft smile -a smile he hasn’t let anyone see other than Izuku see when they were together and to this very day he hasn’t shown it to anyone else. “I,” He hesitated on his words, swallowing the lump on his throat. “I thought of telling you,”
Izuku suddenly recalled that time when he overheard him and Eijirou talking in the hallway about this.
So he was going to tell me…
“Eiji and I were thinking of how I’ll tell you, but at the same time I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t value all the things when we were together. I didn’t want you to think that I was still in a relationship with you because I was using you.” Katsuki blurted, a few tears pricking his eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out shakily, then another dry laugh came out of his mouth.
“But in the end I still hurt you.” A few tears escaping down, the blond immediately wiped it off with the back of his hand. “We both know how that shit went.” He laughed half heartedly, like it was some bad joke.
It went silent, Katsuki’s heart was pounding against his chest from the nervousness and guilt that was in him.
He isn’t gonna believe me, is he? Even if it’s the truth, he won’t believe me, will he?
Katsuki thought ‘fuck it’ and started to face the greenette, prepared for the rage that will ensue.
But that wasn’t what he saw at all.
Izuku was staring right at him with wide eyes, tears streaming down his face. Katsuki was pulled into a state of panic not knowing what to do.
“‘Z-zuku?” Katsuki called out, completely lost on what to do, not even knowing why the greenette was crying to begin with. Did he say something wrong? But it was the truth! Does he think I’m lying and so mad to the point of tears?
Izuku sniffled loudly, covering his eyes with his hands, Katsuki still a bit lost of what to do but wanting to comfort the man, after a second of contemplating, he cursed under his breath and pulled the greenette to his embrace, letting the man cry his heart out on his shoulder, not caring if his suit will be soaking wet afterwards.
Not that he minds. He doesn’t mind at all.
With the distance between closed, he gets that familiar scent he had associated with the greenette from their high school years. And with Izuku in his arms, he felt like he got back home after being away for so long.
But how long will this last? How long was this going to last before he had to pull away?
For that reason, he savored every second he had while he was still able to do this. He might be an ass for taking advantage of the situation but right now he doesn’t care.
“I’m sorry,” Katsuki whispered into Izuku’s ear. “I’m sorry.” he chanted like a mantra into his ear as he hugged him close and let him cry his heart out, knowing that sorrys won’t fix anything but he’ll say it anyway.
Minutes passed before Izuku started to calm down, trying to regain his breath but made no attempt to pull away from Katsuki, instead burying himself deeper into the blond’s embrace. Katsuki isn’t really sure if Izuku was even aware of what he was doing or not.
“You’re an… asshole.” Izuku said in between sniffles.
“I know, I’m sorry.” He’s pissed.
“Fucking using me like that.”
Yup, definitely fucking pissed.
“I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t even try to explain yourself.”
“There’s no excuse for what I did to you, the most I could’ve done for you was let you go.”
Izuku continued to try to calm himself down. For 10 years, he tried to forget, he tried to block away the pain that he experienced, suppressed it down to the point he thought it wasn’t there anymore.
But it was. And the dam broke, so it was kind of hard to get his control on his emotions back.
The whole time Katsuki tried to comfort him, chanting sincere apologies to his ears and hugging him close, patting his head.
It makes Izuku remember the times when they were together.
“You know…” Izuku said, taking a long, shaky breath before he continued. “After we broke up, I keep remembering... the times when we were together. Whenever I… remember those times the more I keep asking if all of those were fake… or were those real… when I remember the way you look at me, the way you talked to me, they felt sincere, they felt real .” He said in between breaths.
“I kept asking if you were really that good of an actor.”
“I wasn’t acting!” Katsuki exclaimed, wanting to extinguish those thoughts -though a bit late- from the greenette’s mind, his words loud enough that it won’t hurt the greenette’s ears with the short distance.”Maybe in the first month we were together, but I promise you, they were real. I know you won’t believe me but they were.”
They remained like that for what felt like hours, both of them basking in the closed distance and comfort after so many years of distance and hurt.
Because neither of them knows if they’ll be able to have this again after this.
Later on, with Izuku calmer than minutes before, both -mostly Katsuki- reluctantly pulled away. Katsuki mentally saying goodbye to the warmth that belonged to the greenette.
Both went silent, but neither moving too far from each other nor too close to each other. A bit of blush on the greenette’s face. “I’m sorry, I got your shirt wet.”
A faint gentle smile came across the blond’s features. “You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s the least I can do for you.”
The greenette smiled back, brightly.
“I don’t think this counts as my payback, Kacchan.” Izuku giggles.
Katsuki practically melts as he hears the familiar nickname come out of the greenette’s lips.
“Then what can I do then, Deku?” He asks, feeling that his chest was a thousand times lighter than it was before. The familiar nickname also leaves from his lips.
Izuku hummed, faking his deep contemplation, tapping his forefinger to his chin, a small, cute pout on his lips as he thought.
A small smile crept to his lips seconds later.
“Let’s start over?”