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Thank you for reminding me what butterflies feel like

Summary:

"Stupid butterflies…"

"Hm? What butterflies?"

 

He blushed, looking away, "The ones I have in my stomach whenever I think or look at you…"

 

A true love story of two men who never stopped loving each other despite the unkind fate which still brought them together.

Notes:

Nie Mingjue week 2021: day 5 LOVE

(thank you, Candy for support and hosting the event!)

Work Text:

Spring.

The sun was warm and wind soft, nature was in wake, everything was green, magnolia trees and plums in full bloom.

Every morning Nie Mingjue took a route through a big park, it was a shortcut to his workplace, during dim winter months it was nothing special, but once spring had arrived, said park turned into something breathtaking.

He knew the park ever since he was young, he used to play there as a kid and fool around with his friends as a teen, even in his college years he often spent afternoons reading a book or simply walking around, enjoying the landscape.

Those times reminded him of something else too– discreet hand holding, blushing, soft laughter, hugs and kisses when no one was around. Nie Mingjue spent his afternoons there with his boyfriend.
They knew each other since kindergarten times as their mothers were close friends. He grew up with Song Lan, they were best friends, childhood sweethearts, two young men in love.

Nie Mingjue looked at a large magnolia tree in its full bloom, it was so big and beautiful. "To remember it now…" He murmured to himself, remembering his first kiss with Song Lan, back then they were only 16, both youths were shy, but so in love.

Skipping afternoon classes, they lazed around, hiding from the hot sun under the large tree and before they knew it, their lips had already joined into a tender kiss.

 

"𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦, 𝘩𝘢𝘩𝘢–," Song Lan laughed, their lips still gently brushing together.

"𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘬𝘪𝘥…"

"𝘈𝘭𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘈-𝘑𝘶𝘦," his voice was soft, full of tenderness and love.

 

That afternoon Song Lan officially asked him out and they started dating.

Years passed, they grew older and fell in love with each other more and more.

Unfortunately, when they were 22, an unexpected thing happened, Song Lan's parents got into a serious car crash and they passed away. The only surviving passenger in the car was Song Lan's little sister A-Qing, she was 7 back then.

Song Lan was devastated, he was but a poor student left alone with a 7 years old girl, they talked a lot with Nie Mingjue about any possible ways to raise A-Qing together, but it seemed impossible. They were young, inexperienced, not ready to become parents themselves.

It was when Song Lan's relatives from his mother's side stepped in, adopting them.
They lived overseas which meant that Song Lan and A-Qing had to move away.

There was nothing Nie Mingjue could do about it.

Life was unfair. It was cruel, it ripped them apart.

 

Ever since the day they bid their farewells, had 10 years passed. Nie Mingjue knew nothing about Song Lan or his new life, they decided to break up because they knew that a long distance relationship was impossible, they would only end up hurting each other. Nie Mingjue had a little brother himself, he couldn't leave his family for sake of love.

"Remembering about the past like that… I am really getting old, 𝘩𝘶𝘩…?" He sighed, continuing his way to work.

After the painful breakup, he never tried to date again, busying himself with studies, taking care of his brother and later on he was simply too busy, or at least, he did everything to be. His career was more important than stupid love, stupid feelings and relationships.

Now at the age of 32 he was an established businessman, owning a small company, he did well, he wasn't unhappy with his life, it's just…

He was a bit lonely.

Everyday was the same, work, home, work, during holidays he would visit Nie Huaisang, he had recently married and become father, so Nie Mingjue was an uncle to a cute boy now.

 

When the work day was over, he stayed at the office a bit longer, doing some extra work, filling papers and such, it was Friday which meant it didn't matter how long he stayed up.

Nie Mingjue's phone buzzed, it was his brother, sending some pictures of his son, he had recently started walking so the older man was bombarded with tons of pictures and videos.

"Cute. The little rascal is growing so fast," he smiled, he was really happy for Nie Huaisang, he was truly lucky and blessed.

 

On his way home, he walked through the park again, Nie Mingjue saw some couples cuddling on the benches or holding their hands. He stopped, looking down on his palm, "Haah…why am I feeling so sentimental today? Is it because…it's 𝘰𝘶𝘳 anniversary…?"

The man turned back, looking at the magnolia tree, at that very moment he noticed that a pair of black eyes were looking at him back.

The person was slightly shocked, his lips parted as if they were trying to say something.

Nie Mingjue froze, so did his heart.

"Song… Lan?"

It couldn't be him, right? He lived overseas, this person was only similar to him. His mind was obviously being delusional now, playing tricks with him.

"MingMing…?" the man called out, his voice barely audible but that 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨 did reach his ears.

Nie Mingjue took a step back, why was Song Lan there? Why under their tree? Why did he look at him with so much pain in his eyes? His heart clenched painfully, it hurt so much, he wanted to scream and cry.

"Ming–, Nie Mingjue, wait–," Song Lan slightly extended his hand towards the other man, "Can we talk?"

𝘛𝘢𝘭𝘬? 𝘛𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘵.

"I am sorry," he bowed and turned around. Nie Mingjue was a coward, he didn't want to hear that Song Lan was happily married, he probably had a bunch of kids now as he was always fond of them. He was a pathetic, sad man who wasn't ready to face the harsh reality.

"Wait—! Nie Mingjue, please!" Song Lan's voice sounded just as pained as his face looked before.

Why? Just why from all days today? On their breakup anniversary.

Before he could react, Song Lan had already grabbed his arm, stopping him from running away. "Mingjue, please, let's talk…just…don't run away."

Nie Mingjue clenched his teeth, he wanted to push him away, but his body refused to move, Song Lan's presence made his knees grow weak and he didn't even know why.
Was it because he had become extremely handsome? More matured? Was it his pleasant voice…? Or simply the fact that it was the only person Nie Mingjue had ever loved?

"Why are you here?" He finally dared to ask, looking directly into the man's eyes.

Song Lan let out a long sigh of relief, then with an awkward chuckle, he rubbed the back of his head. "I…came to see you…"

"What?" Nie Mingjue blinked.

"I…umm…tried to contact you, but failed, so…I came to the park…" He murmured, obviously embarrassed.

Nie Mingjue started to feel secondhand embarrassment only looking at the other man.

They both blushed.

Have you ever seen two buff men in their thirties blushing like some teenage girls? Probably, not.

"Oh…" He murmured back, lowering his head.

"What are you doing here?" Song Lan asked, trying to keep up a conversation.

"I work nearby, I just finished work and was going home…" It was probably the most awkward conversation he had in years, he wanted to disappear, but he also managed to calm down.

"I see…umm, do you want to…No, please, let's have a cup of coffee. Things are a bit messy for me now, I would like to…talk."

Nie Mingjue didn't know why but he ended up taking his ex to the closest coffee bar, it was a small place not too far from the park, during evening hours it was mostly empty, so he often went there alone.
He bought two espressos and found a calm corner for them to sit down and talk.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮? 𝘋𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯?

"MingMing, I–,"

"Stop calling me like that…we are not kids anymore," he frowned, sipping on his coffee.

"Right. Sorry," Song Lan breathed out, long and tiredly, now that Nie Mingjue took a closer look at the man, he noticed how tired Song Lan actually looked.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just tired. I haven't slept for…two…no, three days? I don't even know what day it is anymore…haha…" He rubbed his eyes, sighing again.

"What the hell? Why are you even here? What about A-Qing? Did something happen?" Nie Mingjue was slightly taken aback and worried at the same time.
Song Lan was always the organised type, he liked order and daily routines which included healthy sleep habits.

"I arrived a few days ago, A-Qing got a scholarship in the university she wanted to go, so we moved back. It's just…all this moving in thing is messy. I am not used to life in China anymore, it's been ten years."

Nie Mingjue gasped, nearly choking on his coffee, "You moved back for staying…?"

"Yes, I never planned to stay overseas for the rest of my life, it was only for my sister's sake, she's 17 already, and she really wanted to come back." He explained.

"...what about your family then?" Song Lan must have one, right?

He raised a brow, "Aunty and uncle didn't come, why would they?"

"No, I mean…umm…are you not married or something?"

This time it was Song Lan who nearly choked on his drink, "I am not married nor I ever was? I didn't even have time for that…you know, work, A-Qing…responsibilities…"

He wanted to say that Song Lan was an idiot, but then again, wasn't he the same? He pushed his private life away and dedicated himself to his career. "Oh…I–," Nie Mingjue gulped, he was actually relieved to hear that?

It was such a selfish thing to be happy about, but knowing that Song Lan was just like him, it almost made him smile. If he learned that his first love was happily married while he couldn't even move on, it would surely break his already broken heart. "Song Lan, I–," he flinched when the other man put his hand on his.

"It's fine…I know this is…awkward, but…𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵, I'm so glad…haha…" Song Lan laughed out. "Yesterday I met up with Huaisang…I– I was scared to see you first, in case you already had someone by your side…" He sucked in a shaky breath, "I was so happy when he said you've been single ever since we broke up… I'm such a selfish bastard, I know, I was the one who left, yet still…I could never fully let go of you…"

Nie Mingjue gaped at him, for a second forgetting how to breathe.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬?

He recited in his head every single word Song Lan had just said, making sure he didn't get it wrong.

"𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶," that particular phrase was repeating itself like a broken record.

"I hate you," Nie Mingjue lowered his head, forehead resting against the table. His face was so red, he didn't know it was from anger or embarrassment, maybe a little bit of both. "Fucking hate you. You left me…yet you…"

He didn't blame Song Lan for leaving, he would have done the same thing, what he regretted was his own foolishness, he should have held onto that relationship no matter what. They were in love, they wanted to live together after graduating from university. Distance was never a problem, Nie Mingjue was simply scared that Song Lan might find someone else and leave him behind. He was scared of rejection.

𝘐'𝘮 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸… "Wanna come over to my place?" He murmured, not daring to look up at the other man.

Song Lan stayed silent for a while, he was probably recollecting his thoughts, regretting things just as much as Nie Mingjue did. He chuckled then, running his hand through Nie Mingjue's black hair, ruffling it a bit. "Yeah, I would like to."

Nie Mingjue loved when the other did that, when his hair was ruffled, he could immediately relax and calm down, Song Lan's touch had a calming effect on him.

"Let's go, MingMing?"

He groaned, "Stop with the MingMing crap, it's annoying…"

"And still, you like it, don't you?" Song Lan teased, standing up from his seat. When they were kids, that's how they called each other– MingMing and Lan-ge, as Song Lan was three months older than him.

Nie Mingjue wasn't sure if it could be called fate, but just for today, he wanted to believe that such a thing actually existed. On their tenth breakup anniversary, they met again, under the same tree they once confessed each other their feelings and love.

He brought Song Lan to his apartment, the place was spacious and modern, designed in warm browns and deep green tones, those were Nie Mingjue's favourite colours, even if the place looked slightly dark, it still had that cosy atmosphere around it.

 

They stood in the corridor in silence, Nie Mingjue wanted the other to come over, but for what exactly? To talk? To catch up with what had happened to Song Lan in the past ten years? To discuss life and the future?

𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶?

He didn't have the courage to ask it, he was bad with words back then, he was bad with words now. "Song Lan, I–," he started when the other man placed his hands on his waist, gently pulling Nie Mingjue in.

For a second he thought that Song Lan was going to kiss him, but instead, their foreheads were pressed together while Nie Mingjue was embraced into a hug.

"Thank God…" Song Lan whispered, tightening the hold of the other man, "Thank God, I found you, I was scared… and couldn't sleep for days…fearing that you have long forgotten about me, living happily with someone else…" His voice was so weak, it was trembling.

Nie Mingjue was dumbfounded and maybe a bit, just a little bit (very) pissed at the both of them. If they felt this way about each other, what was that breakup for? For what did he suffer all these years, being lonely and miserable, wanting someone he cannot have?

Wouldn't long distance relationships work just fine? They could just travel, see each other, video call, anything! Even stupid love letters would be better than this!

"Song Lan…you're an asshole," he murmured, burying his face in the man's neck. His cologne was nice, he recognised that scent. 𝘝𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘓𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘉𝘭𝘶𝘦, it was a perfume he once gifted the man on Christmas.

"Sorry about that…"

"—but I'm an asshole too…back then I was scared that you would forget about me…I didn't want to be left brokenhearted. But in reality I was just a coward… Knowing us, it would work out, right?"

Song Lan chuckled apologetically, "I already told you, we were young and dumb, but it doesn't matter, I came back for you…" He pulled away from the hug, cupping Nie Mingjue's cheeks into his large palms. "Will you give this asshole another chance? I miss having butterflies in my stomach, I miss the feeling of being in love."

"Stop talking, why aren't you kissing me already, mister romantic asshole—," he laughed out, feeling butterflies tingling his own stomach. Nie Mingjue was so happy, he wanted to fly.

"Romantic assh–," Song Lan didn't manage to finish his sentence when their lips already met into a heated kiss. It was not only passionate and desperate, it was rather clumsy too, they suspected that none of them had even kissed again after the breakup, which was somehow cute.

They were in love, back then or now, it was really no different.

Nie Mingjue dragged him to the bedroom, pushing Song Lan down, "Pay up for all those years we didn't get to fuck," he demanded, undressing.

"Wow, what happened to the shy MingMing?" He grinned, watching how the love of his life was undressing himself.
Nie Mingjue's body had matured, he was already muscular in the past, but now his body was even more toned, his skin golden and touchable, perfectly pronounced with proud muscles. He was so beautiful.

"Me, shy? Dream on," he bent down between Song Lan's legs, unzipping his pants. "Let's see if I still remember how to do this…" Nie Mingjue pulled the man's cock out, stroking the soft length into his fist until it grew in size…or two. That thing was big, maybe it was because Song Lan had matured too that it seemed bigger than he remembered it.

"Haha–, shit…I'm sure you do…" Song Lan gasped, when was the last time a handjob felt that good? Probably those ten years ago, jerking off was never as good as it was now.

Nie Mingjue darted his tongue out, circling it around the wet tip of Song Lan's cock, tasting something he missed so much.
He parted his lips then, kissing the hot shaft, sucking on the pulsing veins here and there, he didn't miss an inch of that erection, teasing the man's balls as well.

As the hard length slipped past Nie Mingjue's lips, being enveloped by a moist and wet tightness, Song Lan moaned out, his stomach muscles tensing. "Ngh–," he gripped on the man's hair, biting on his lower lip to muffle his betraying voice.

Nie Mingjue liked that reaction, he really missed the feeling of his mouth being stretched by his lover's manhood. He kept his eyes locked on Song Lan, head moving up and down, he wasn't good at deepthroating because of the annoying gag reflex, but he could still take it.

"Fuck–, MingMing–, nn…!" Song Lan tightened the grip on his hair, hips furiously bucking up to meet that god-like mouth, they barely even started when he already felt like coming.

Repression, longing, desire, it was all bottled up and now threatened to break like a dame.

Nie Mingjue gripped on the throbbing shaft again, stroking it at the base and fondling the balls while the rest of the length was swallowed down his throat, cheeks hollow as he devoured that cock with love. "Mgh–," he rasped, tears forming at the corners of his eyes, his jaw was tired but he wanted Song Lan to come inside his mouth.

"Fuck–, MingMing…!" He thrust his hips up, pushing the man's head down at the same time, Song Lan came so hard, he moaned out aloud, head thrown back in pleasure.

"Nghh, 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩, haah… you bastard…" Nie Mingjue pulled away only after a while, trying to swallow most of the vicious spillage burning his raw throat. His mouth and jaw hurt so much, he had to massage it a bit. "You almost broke my jaw, were you that repressed?" He sat up, wiping his reddened lips.

Song Lan smiled guiltily, his cheeks flushed, breath still heavy, "It was my first blowjob in ten years, what did you expect? Besides, look, you're rock hard yourself, you enjoyed it just as much as I did." Since Nie Mingjue undressed before, he was fully exposed before the other man's eyes, his cock was fully erected, precum glistening at the dark red tip.

"Of course, I did," he snorts, "Though, I still hate the taste of cum."

Nie Mingjue laid on top of him, kissing Song Lan's lips gently, "I missed you so much…every single day…through these ten years…I was so fucking lonely and miserable…"

"Me too," Song Lan embraced him, deepening the kiss, their tongues entangled together sloppily.

 

All these years Song Lan dedicated himself to A-Qing and her education, he wanted his sister to have a great life, to have a great future, as her big brother, it was the least he could do, pushing his own terrible loneliness aside.

If it was not Nie Mingjue, he didn't need anyone else.

 

Nie Mingjue felt the same, it had to be Song Lan, his first and only love.

They held each other for a long time, kissing, nuzzling and cuddling, remembering the past, talking about the present and the future.

About 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 future.

Song Lan was gently fingering his lover, remembering his every single weak spot, remembering where Nie Mingjue liked to be touched most.

"Stop teasing…put it in already or I will lose my mind…" Nie Mingjue panted, his eyes glassy, full of love.

"Ride me, I want you to ride me–," he switched their positions, pulling Nie Mingjue on top of him, and, oh my, it was the most gorgeous sight he had ever seen.

"You're so shameless…" He flushed a bit but slowly lowered his hips on Song Lan's hard erection, taking it all the way inside his cock-starved body. "Nh–, Song Lan–," with a low moan, he started moving his body, hips raising and falling on Song Lan's cock, his tight hole almost sucking life out of it.

Their love making was full of passion, it was messy and rough, skin slapping against skin, low moans, pants and grunts spilling their lips. Nie Mingjue loved the feeling of Song Lan's cock brushing against his sweet spot, how deep it went inside his stomach. It was addictive and mind blowing.

"A-Jue, so good—," he slid his hands over Nie Mingjue's chest, his stomach and sides, his hips and ass, those thick thighs, he worshipped the man's body, loving every inch of it.

"Ah–, nh–your dick is amazing as always–fuck!" He arched his back, fucking himself on Song Lan, hands gripping on the man's broad shoulders. He was so happy, so in love, tears filling his eyes. "Ngh–gonna come…!"

Song Lan wrapped his palm around Nie Mingjue's cock, pumping it through the man's release, the poor arousal spluttering cum all over his chest.

"Lan-ge, come inside, please–, I want to feel you–," he gasped, still riding on his lover's cock, ass squeezing around the engorged length.

𝘓𝘢𝘯-𝘨𝘦… Song Lan breathed it sharply, a long, lustful moan echoing through the bedroom as he too, reached his peak, spilling his cum inside Nie Mingjue, it was so intense that he thought his orgasm would never pass.

They fucked long past their release, until both men were exhausted and spent, lazily collapsing on the bed.

"Lan-ge, huh?" Song Lan chuckled, still panting, his hands caressing Nie Mingjue's back as he held him.

"It always works, doesn't it?" He snorted, nuzzling Song Lan's neck.

"It does, whatever you do or say…it always works on me like magic."

"Weirdo…"

"It's because I love you," Song Lan kissed Nie Mingjue's head, hugging him tightly.

"Love you, too," he whispered.

 

Summer.

 

The weather was already hot, but still bearable in the shade under the large magnolia tree. Nie Mingjue sat there, drinking iced coffee while his boyfriend showed him pictures from his trip to Egypt.

"I don't know what looks more stupid, you or the camel," he laughed out at the picture where Song Lan proudly sat on a huge camel.

"Hey, I look cool, okay?" He huffed, placing his phone down. "We should go together, you will love it."

"Fuck, no, I'm not gonna sit on that thing," Nie Mingjue snorted, glancing around for a bit, as if examining their surroundings. "But we could go on a small trip at the end of the summer, just the two of us, A-Qing can stay at Huaisang's place." He leaned in, kissing Song Lan.

The other man immediately responded to the kiss, chuckling at how bitter Nie Mingjue tasted because of the coffee.

"Ew, you two are so gross!" A girly voice called out, interrupting them. "Gege, stop being such a perv in public! A-Qing is losing her face!" She pouted. "Ming-ge, too! Have some shame!"

Nie Mingjue frowned, unwillingly parting from his boyfriend's lips, "Sorry about that, did you finish your shopping already? Where is Huaisang?" He stood up, brushing his clothes awkwardly.

"A-Sang went to buy us some ice cream, it's too hot in here! Gege, let's go home, I need my aircon!"

Song Lan sighed, standing up and ruffling his sister's hair, "Alright, no need to be so loud about it. Let's wait for Huaisang and go."

Nie Mingjue nodded, squeezing his boyfriend's hand into his.

A-Qing rolled her eyes, dashing towards Nie Huaisang, spotting him with the promised ice cream.

Song Lan shook his head, "That girl is like a hurricane."

"She is," Nie Mingjue chuckled, resting his head on Song Lan's shoulder, "But you are the same, just…in other ways…"

"Oh? Am I?"

"Shut up, you know you are…"

 

They laughed, approaching Nie Huaisang and A-Qing who was already devouring her chocolate mint ice cream.

Going out on dates was such a natural thing for them to do now, they wanted to catch up all the missed time, enjoy their company as much as they could.

Nie Mingjue looked at Song Lan fondly, his stomach tingling with excitement.

"Stupid butterflies…"

"Hm? What butterflies?"

 

He blushed, looking away, "The ones I have in my stomach whenever I think or look at you…"

 

"Oh my God, I love you so much—"

 

"A-Sangggg! Why are they so gross!"

 

Nie Huaisang laughed out, scratching the back of his head. "They are two idiots in love."

 

They truly were, once separated by unfortunate circumstances but brought together by fate again.

It was what one would call a true love story.