Chapter Text
Emilia’s head hurt.
Her vision was hazy, leaving her confused and unsure as to exactly where she was.
The road they had been on was nowhere to be seen, and the forest around them was far denser than anything they had passed through before.
She was propped against a large fallen tree in the middle of a small, shaded clearing. By her side sat Subaru, dead asleep, propped up in a similar way.
A gentle smile crept onto her face, relief surging through her body as she watched the boy sleep peacefully.
Emilia rubbed her eyes and then attempted to stand.
Her vision still wasn’t perfect, her head pounded, and the muscles in her legs felt uncharacteristically weak and fatigued. She leaned back on the tree for support and heaved a deep sigh.
Her thoughts were incoherent and nonsensical, any semblance of logical order long since flushed from her mind. She had no plan, nor was she able to realistically make one.
The entire situation she found herself in was about as alien as she could imagine. She had no information, no support, and she was far from physically sound.
She glanced down, noticing her clothing was not only filthy, caked in a now-dry layer of mud and leaf litter, but torn to near-shreds. The bare white skin of her legs hadn't been shown any mercy either, her knees and shins bloody and throbbing in pain. Her long hair was tangled and filthy, the intricate braids that once crowned her head almost torn out entirely.
What she did notice, however, despite her stark lack of clues and information, was Subaru.
It took her a moment to realise, but unlike herself, Subaru and his clothing were in a seemingly normal state of repair. His clothes, despite not being elegant by any means, were clean and without any noticeable damage, his skin free from scrapes and bruising.
He looked exactly as he did when they left the manor.
She looked like she had been brutalised.
It was alarming for reasons both obvious and not.
She was more than glad to see him well and good, yet her pain was not ignorable, and her clothes were quality and not easily damaged. Even her leather boots had been mostly destroyed—the metal clasp and stitching on one foot completely ruined, and a huge hole torn in the leather of the other.
Had Subaru dragged her? Emilia considered it, yet surely he'd have come away looking at least somewhat rough if he had. The more she dwelled on it, the less it made sense.
She had seen it, she had seen what it had done to him.
Emilia began to carefully survey the gloomy shade cast by the thick canopy of trees, eyeing the dancing shadows and rustling foliage. Her guard was raised, and despite her sharp and reliable eyes, she found herself struggling to make anything out beyond the first row of trees.
Without moving out into the forest by herself and searching more closely, putting herself in a dangerously vulnerable position, whatever lurked in the dense woodland undergrowth would remain unknown, able to see her with little hindrance, ready to make their move without warning.
She looked towards Subaru. His chest still rose and sunk metronomically, his sleep deep and undisturbed. Emilia saw little purpose in waking him.
Her head fell back, not yet defeated but without little hope.
The sun was still yet to reach its apex.
They had been out for maybe an hour at the very most, but even that seemed to be highballing the estimate–unless something had gone catastrophically wrong, Roswaal would have finished his business with the strange girl and immediately come looking for them once he realised they weren’t at the mansion.
Unless he had, and just couldn’t find them.
No, that was ridiculous. Roswaal was ridiculously strong; the Court Mage of Lugunica doesn’t lose fights to little girls, and should they still be within his territory, he wouldn’t have any trouble locating them.
Emilia took a deep breath, and then sat back down beside Subaru, cuddling up to him to try and ease the fears that were lingering within her.
It didn’t work. The longer she sat in silence, the more her brain forced her to think about things.
She reached for the small green crystal dangling by her collarbone, seeking its familiar comfort, yet its coldness left nothing but a harsh reminder.
As brave as she tried to be, she was still just a young girl. She was exhausted, but she refused to let her heavy eyelids close. Regardless, she was too scared to sleep, and much too alone.
Fear rotted its way through her body, creeping through her cells, and yet she somehow managed to suppress and fight it back time and time again. She battled hard within herself, fending off complex and unknown emotions—emotions she wasn't mature enough to really even comprehend—that seeped through the cracks of her waning mind.
She still didn’t know why she was even here. She tried to hold firm on the thought that help would soon arrive, but as the minutes passed, so did her will.
Any unrealistic positivity was quickly shut down by the lingering possibility that it just wouldn’t come quickly enough. It was a thought that sat like oil on water in her mind, drowning out her motivation and will to endure her fear and hold strong.
And then she’d look to Subaru, wishing so desperately he could have told her just what was truly happening. All of this was born from his secrecy, but her soul refused to let her blame him.
It made her so angry and she hated it. He just expected her to be happy and complacent in his secrecy and scheming, without asking any questions, without knowing anything that was happening.
His behaviour, his actions, the words that came out of his mouth—none of them were normal or easily justifiable, even for Subaru’s standards. He was doing things behind her back, things that very clearly involved and concerned her, and completely refusing to fill her in about even the broadest details.
And then she tried to put herself in his shoes, to be a little more understanding, and was able to calm down.
The sight of him set her straight for another short period of time. He was the comfort she sought, the light of familiarity in the endless darkness of her life. She had been stranded without hope, left behind by those she trusted and loved, but Subaru was there.
Was she capable of doing much without hurting those around her? Likely not. Certainly not in her eyes, anyway.
He was always up to something, yet how often had that something resulted in anything bad?
He was a good boy in every way, and she knew trusting him was the right thing to do, even now.
She let her head fall back to rest on the tree behind her, amethyst eyes staring thoughtlessly at the cloudless sky. For the first time in what felt like a thousand years, Emilia’s mind cleared.
The worries and burdens she had carried were dropped from her shoulders nearly instantly.
She thought of nothing, neither good nor bad—her brain simply switched off, and the world around her lost its relevance rather quickly.
It was enough so that she didn’t register Subaru stirring, rubbing his eyes lazily as he glanced around the clearing.
She sat in silence, immobile. The young boy looked on in confusion.
“Emilia?”
And then, as if injected with the energy and brilliance of a thousand suns, Emilia sprung back to life.
Immediately she moved to his side, doting upon him unashamedly, drowning him in a flurry of questions she had been desperate to ask ever since she awoke.
“Oh my goodness Subaru, are you alright? You're not hurt, are you? How is your head? Oh gosh, it must have hurt.”
Subaru seemed to smile, yet Emilia wasn’t so convinced. Her warm hands held his cheeks with loving delicacy, staring into his eyes with desperate intensity. She wanted more than anything to understand how his mind worked; Subaru was a strange individual, and despite the time they had spent together, she couldn’t say she truly understood him.
The mere thought that he was dragging his burdens alone tore her heart in two.
“It’s reaaally important that you tell me if anything at all is wrong,” she said softly. She was neglecting her own struggles completely, and she was doing it with unashamed consciousness.
She had her burdens, but as long as Subaru was alright, she could manage.
For now.
Surely.
Subaru didn’t really say much, his confusion plastered firmly on his face, yet his subdued nod of agreement was all Emilia needed. She pulled him into a firm embrace, her fingers clawing into his back with fearful desperation, her face buried deep into the crook of his neck.
The feeling that he was slowly slipping through her grasp ate away at her constantly; Subaru was brilliant, and she hated the idea that he could one day reach a point where he had no use for her anymore.
He wasn’t hers, she understood that. Subaru was, of course, his own person.
He was blossoming, yet her undoubted pride in him also carried a layer of nervous fear and hesitation that she did not truly understand.
Subaru’s hands did not wrap around her back.
Roswaal stood tall.
His face, usually unreadable and falsely jovial, was marred with raw disgust. There was no disguising his emotions, nor did he bother to try.
His hands fidgeted in his pockets, his eyes fixed firmly on the slight frame of the girl now standing a good 30 metres away from him.
She too stood still, in silence, her expression unreadable.
Roswaal at first thought that she didn’t recognise him, a very realistic possibility, yet he was quickly unsure. Her sullied, drained eyes almost definitely understood what they were laid upon, yet he was now confident they just did not care.
Rage had already filled his body, yet now it had begun to seep into his soul.
“Why are you here,”
Guttural, harsh, genuine. His playful teasing voice was long gone, replaced by the narration of his very being. There was no hiding from his scorn, no escape from the wrath that seeped from his being like a vapour.
“What raised you from your hellhole,”
He strode towards her with venom and diabolical intent. She remained standing, as if he were simply not there in the first place. Roswaal continued spewing his harsh questions, cursing her existence with every spitting word, losing his patience with every second she remained silent.
“How in the graces of this world are you even alive,”
His blood was boiling.
He stopped just a matter of feet in front of her, barely managing to stop himself from vaporising her on the spot, or at least trying his very best to. He needed answers from her more than he needed anything else–he wasn’t sure if he'd get them, but killing her without trying would be something he could never forgive himself for.
Yet again, no answer was worth it, should it mean this creature was left alive even a moment longer than needed.
And then his answer came.
He tore open his coat, destroying the carefully tailored buttons and clasps in the process, before digging into one of the seams inside. It was, of course, a well-concealed pocket, and within it lay a rather inconspicuous ring, threaded on an old, roughly woven cord.
Roswaal’s fists opened and closed around it, the veins on his hands and forearms clear on his pale white skin. His breathing fell shallow and laboured.
Instantly he knew why she was here, why she was not the pile of ash he was promised all those decades ago.
He cursed the name of the man who had conned him, the man who flung that ring at him so casually.
He cursed himself for allowing such a man to play him for a fool.
He tossed the ring to the dirt, watching it tumble towards the girl before stopping dead. She instantly made a move towards it, crouching down to scoop the jewellery into her hands, yet a small blast of incredibly potent magic obliterated it before she had a chance to pick it up.
She paused in her crouch for a brief moment, before standing once more.
“Descendent of the house of Mathers,”
Her voice was callous and deeply strained. The mere sound of it grated at Roswaal’s mind, more so than the clear disrespect he was being shown by such of which fell upon his cruellest nightmares.
“The sight of you, it is a sore one. Indeed…you have changed.”
“Do not act as if you have a right to be standing here. Tell me, what cursed creature reanimated your foul being, if you were ever truly dead in the first place.” Roswaal hissed in his fury, her words harsh on his ears more so than ever.
She stood in silence for a long time, her aura of malignance and evil stirring and throbbing around her, as if to torment the mage as his patience thinned.
“That I will not answer.”
“You are delusional. Tell me now, your silence gives me all the answers I need regardless, you foul beast.”
Sphinx smirked a shallow grin from her thin, cracked lips.
“Should my memory serve me correctly, you have greater priorities. The children with you, are you aware of their wellbeing?”
Roswaal’s eyes bulged.
He stepped forward, almost entirely closing the gap that separated the two individuals, yet
Sphinx continued talking.
“You have changed…our prior meetings were under different circumstances.”
“You stop it now, your words are nothing but psychotic ramblings,”
Sphinx identified a great surge of power beginning to build within the slender frame of the mage, yet she did not back down, instead raising her palm to the level of his chest.
“You do not intimidate me, your powers are weak and fading. The hunger in your eyes has turned raw and unpredictable. You stand no chance,”
“Your risk is far greater than mine,” she said objectively, and of course she was correct.
Roswaal was within one of the most treasured parts of his dominion, the people within far too innocent to risk as collateral damage.
Yet he soon realised that the small village of Arlam was not in fact what the girl was referring to, not at all.
“Your form has changed, as has mine to a degree.”
“What are you trying to prove,” he said in response, his demeanour no longer just of rage, but of panic now also.
“You remain human, your mind is fickle and easy to sway,” she continued, heeding not his question, but the sudden shift in his tone of voice and body language.
“As before, you expect simple battles and immediate victories,”
Roswaal lifted himself into the air, positioning himself in a way that would allow him to concentrate an attack through her and into the ground below. Sphinx, of course, was not clueless, her guard readied as was his.
“In honesty, I know nothing of what brought me here.”
A great energy rose between them and within their bodies. The forest fell silent, as if readied to witness a great unravelling of significant power and destruction.
“I do know my form was revitalised…reanimation is not the correct terminology, for I was never dead,”
“You lie.”
“I do not, but little does that matter now.”
“I will see you in hell.”
“Negative.”
A great light shone as monumental power was unleashed. The earth shook with extraordinary violence, the trees of the forest not falling, but rather beginning to crack from their roots up, as if they had been cleaved in two by a knife of unimaginable proportions.
The windows of the houses of Arlam shattered, tiles fell from the roofs, and chimneys collapsed and fell. The nearest buildings were completely devastated, completely imploding into a heap of rubble and timber of which none would survive.
The noise of the explosion was nought like that of nails on a chalkboard, for that would be severely underselling it. It was as if the world was coming to an end.
And then, in an instant, the light faded, and the forest fell quiet once more.
The doors that had not already burst from their hinges flung open. A crowd of bewildered townsmen formed quickly, and yet they remained stunned in their silence.
Alone stood one. Their legs did not fail them, they stood firmly and with little sign of damage or trouble.
Before them a charred corpse lay, only lone strands of pink hair escaping the brutal devastation that befell them.
Roswaal L. Mathers turned towards the road and left without delay.
Emilia found comfort in many of the little quirks and mannerisms that Subaru held, many of which he was unaware of.
One such example was his simple inability to sit still.
When the room fell quiet, his fingers would tap rhythms on the nearest surface and his eyes would wander, desperate for something to break his boredom. He’d pay attention when needed, but when left to his own devices, he was always proactive in finding his own thing to do.
Yet weirdly, he made no efforts now.
He sat alone in the same spot he slept, his face neutral and cold. Emilia was naturally concerned, yet any question she asked fell on deaf ears.
She probed closer to the edge of the clearing, her confidence slightly higher now she had Subaru awake with her, yet she had little luck. The shade was bitterly cold and extremely dark. She wanted no part of it.
“Subaru, could you help me look for clues? I'm sure the safest way out is the way we came in, so…”
“Enough, already,” Subaru said impatiently, cutting her off before she could finish her question. He didn't move or even turn to look at her, instead staring blankly into the dry soil at his feet, his hair curtaining his expression from the exasperated Emilia.
“Subaru are you alright?” she asked cautiously, unused to the rising aggression Subaru was beginning to direct towards her. She made small steps towards him, her emotions and instincts clashing completely.
Subaru didn't respond.
She continued closer, more worried with each step, until she stood over him, still unresponsive.
She squatted down to his level, hoping for a peak at his face, yet when she tried to get close enough he moved away from her very intentionally, as if the thought of her being that close repulsed him.
“You’re starting to really irritate me now,”
Emilia choked on her breath. The scorn and distaste evident in his voice ripped her soul apart. She shrank away, clueless as to what she should do, watching as the boy she cherished so deeply stood up and walked past her.
He paid her no mind, his hateful expression something she had never even imagined possible from him.
Subaru wandered towards the edge of the clearing as she had, inspecting the bushes and shrubs carefully. Emilia perked up slightly, scrambling up to his side, desperately hoping to be a hand.
“Is there anything I can do to help Subaru?” she asked timidly, peering again into the forest.
Subaru was silent at first, yet quickly began chuckling to himself, picking up a small stone and tossing it aimlessly into the dark forest before him.
“Go ahead, yeah, you've been a massive help before,” he said with a mocking laugh, turning to look her in the eye.
Emilia fell silent, yet Subaru didn’t stop. He continued his scornful tirade of abuse, closing the gap between them, and intimidating her in a way he could never have done before.
“I’ve been awake for less than ten minutes, all you’ve done is annoy me,”
“I tried Subaru…” Emilia said, reaching a hand out to grab his hand, yet he slapped it away quite violently.
“Bullshit, you’ve done nothing but bitch and moan,” he growled, prodding her chest hard with his finger, sending her sprawling back onto the dusty floor.
Emilia knocked her head hard as she fell, leaving her vision blurry and a dull throbbing pain in the back of her head. He continued, crouching down next to her head.
“For years you've leeched off of me, stealing my thunder when I finally began to make any progress in my life. I’m sick of your nonsense, you're a hopeless silly little girl and I’ve had enough,”
Emilia couldn’t stop her tears. For years she had truly believed he was the one person who understood her, that she could rely on and trust. He eased her fears, extinguished her insecurities, built her up as a person…and now he had knocked her down again.
“What…Subaru,”
“I can’t believe I let myself believe someone like you was worth the effort. I should have listened to Roswaal when I had the chance,”
Emilia desperately tried to stand, her legs weak and tired.
“W-What do you…Subaru what do you mean?”
Subaru took a small, sharp blade from his pocket.
“Didn’t you realise? What use would a witch be for the Court Mage? If I hadn’t stupidly vouched for you, you’d be on the street, dead by now most likely,” Subaru said with a tinge of joy in his tone, enjoying the idea, regretting his lack of action.
He unclasped the leather sheath of the knife, tossing it aside, before running the edge of his finger across the polished blade.
Emilia simply continued to beg, first for an explanation, and then her life. He ignored her.
“Be realistic with yourself, why would he train and nurture you to be a politician?
Demi-human representation my ass, it’s a waste of time and you know it. Without Puck you're just a freak, and we both know just how much you miss him.”
He fell silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts, none of which were pleasant.
“Yes I know we look the same, but at least I’m worth something now. The only thing you’ll ever be is a disgusting stain on this country. You’ve been nothing but an inconvenience to the one man who actually gave you a chance to be useful to somebody.”
Emilia gave up trying to stand, allowing her body to crumple and her tears to flow freely. His words were venomous but she couldn’t help but agree with them. She was a rotten girl, infested to the core, a shame to all those around her.
She wanted to shrivel up and die.
“Emilia,”
His voice, for a moment at least, sounded like the Subaru she knew. Sweet and kind, savouring each syllable of her name.
She found the courage to lift her head, to look at him again, to face the reality he had brought upon her.
He was pretty, almost girlish in a way. His skin was pale and smooth, his hair beautifully maintained. But he did not smile, his deep, resentful frown harsh across an otherwise wonderful face.
He raised the knife as if to show it off to her, to make her aware of its presence. It was one she had never seen before, well crafted and noticeably sharp.
Whilst she had no idea what was going on, she could only accept what things had come to.
Emilia couldn’t feign surprise, and so she made no effort to contest his actions.
Yet her eyes remained fixed on his own.
They were mean and cold, but she had never once thought of them in that way. Even now, she couldn’t help but see the kindness and love in those sharp eyes of his, the tender affection that so many overlooked.
But he wasn't that boy anymore.
He did not bring the knife down upon her, rather he grabbed the bulk of his long hair, hooking the blade and slicing away from his head in a single clean slash.
He held the hair as if a head were attached to it, presenting it to Emilia proudly yet without a word.
Her head fell back to the dirt, and Subaru walked off into the forest alone.
“Subaru, don't leave me. Please.”
Her near-silent pleas fell on deaf ears.