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Here’s a secret that Sofia has kept. She could’ve contacted Mike at anytime, even before they were all grown. She could have told him about Jaime, let him into their lives, but she didn’t. She thought about it, sure, but he never seemed to measure up.
Sofia knows she’s not the best woman in the world, but Maria hadn’t wanted Mike to know about the baby and Sofia wasn’t in the habit of breaking her trust even if she was dead and bled-out somewhere that Mike wouldn’t let her see. What Sofia is, however, is fiercely protective of her family - her job was to try and raise Jaime the best she could, not “fix” the white boy who was always so set in his own ways.
Maria always told her he’d be shit dad. Maria always told her that she’d make a great auntie, ‘cause she’d be there as much as possible. Maria never talked about the kinda mom she thought she’d be, but Maria said didn’t know if she’d ever reach 30 - and Sofia guesses it doesn’t matter anymore. Sofia never really thought about what kind of mom she’d make, how she’d differ to Maria, but she guesses that it doesn’t really matter anymore. Maria’s gone, Mike drove off and ditched the rest of them, Animax and 100%’s families were never close by, and it’s just Sofia and Nana left.
Sofia might not be as loud and shameless and fearless like Maria, but she wasn’t gonna let her kid feel unloved, ever. She loved her nephew more than anything, and even if Mike decided to sweep in and spirit him away with this idea of “real family” (and what did that make her, then? What would that make Kara and Max - because they’d always been as family to her as Maria was) she would still be there, waiting for him.
The first time Mike Milligram left her behind and drove off, she’d only known him for all of 2 hours. Mom and Dad had split people into groups, told them to go make friends, play around at target practice - and given them a box of weapons and some keys.
Personally, Code Red (glad she was with Code Blue because she likes being part of a pair, being Red and Blue, being the Codes) thought the car was ugly but Mike was enamoured with it - so instead of practicing much of anything Mike was trying to see how fast it could go. Red was with 100%, cheering as each setting on the powerjacket was tested and the car sped by, while Blue was sat with Animax - who seemed to be doing his best to see how fast he could make his clothes change colour while Blue idly twisted his dreads back. No-one had their costumes settled back then - 100 dressed in a hoodie under the jacket too big for him, Red and Blue with colour not yet restricted mostly to their wigs, Mike’s jacket not yet decorated. For then, they were still kids finding themselves (stayed finding themselves for years after) and trying their best to live up to Mom and Dad’s expectations.
The first time Mike leaves her behind and drives off is the first time Mom and Dad give them a mission, and he spins the car around and speeds off, too eager to remember to wait. The first time Mike leaves her behind he doesn’t leave her behind alone , and for all the wrongs done to her she takes comfort in the company.
The first time Mike leaves her behind she tags along in the back of the Books on Tape van and fake smiles as the boys joke about her and Blue being too eye-catching to forget, and leans into Animax when he moves himself closer to her. Blue keeps a white-knuckled grip on 100%’s sleeve that only the four of them seem to notice, but one of the members does his best to steer the subject away from the two of them.
They never try catch a ride from Books on Tapes again after that.
One of the worst things about raising Jaime was learning to pick her way around Maria’s absence. To this day, Sofia never really knew if Nana had actually known what happened to her or if it was smoothed over with white noise, but Nana always seemed to know that at least something was off with the situation. Though she never remarked on the gap between Maria’s departure and Jaime’s birth. But still, Nana had raised her own children and she had raised Sofia and Maria and now she was going to help Sofia learn to raise Jaime.
Nana had a lot of practice raising kids without their parents. Sofia would learn it too, and be the best parent she could in Maria’s place. It hurt sometimes, seeing Maria’s features in a baby like Jaime, but it wasn’t about her. Sofia wouldn’t put her grief on the baby, the same way Nana never put any on her and Maria.
She missed her sister a lot. There was no more reality bending, as much as Sofia wanted to try and hide she wouldn’t want to do anything to draw attention to Jaime - and watching screens was out of the question, she wanted to keep all her memories of Maria and the Killjoys. Whether from sentimentality or a want to be able to recognise if Mom and Dad tried to call for Jaime, she doesn’t know. But she was determined to live in the Real World, even though it was difficult with a baby nephew to raise and only a grandmother as her support, even though some days all she really wanted to do was cry and give up.
At some point, she started to truly distrust Mom and Dad. Losing your sister and almost all the rest of your family all on the same day does that to you, she guesses.
In some ways, The Codes powers working for the two of them as two of them made perfect sense. After all, when it’s just Nana and two girls like them, it feels safer to be unnoticed and unseen outside. Using that invisibility, that stealth, felt good and as Red she loved it (as Sofia she ignored all the times she wished she could use it).
She wonders a little bit about the others, about how they felt about their powers. Was there something from the Real World it reminded them of, too? She knew the rough outline of whatever it was in the Real World that helped shape some of the other gangs, but she realised she was never that clear on her own crewmates.
Mom and Dad always insisted that they should use their powers as much as they could, practice made perfect, to test how much they could do. Red didn’t want to disappoint them, so she never voiced the sick feeling it could give her after, and just kept following the noise like everyone else did.
The second time Mike leaves Red behind, the Killjoys had stopped to grab something from a safehouse. She says “the Killjoys”, but really it was just her and Mike and 100 - Animax and Maria were in the back of the Trans Am, Blue draped over Animax as they both slept, dead to the outside world. Whatever it was they’d gone in to grab, she doesn’t really remember anymore. What she remembers is 100% calling out they’d grabbed everything, her shutting the trunks of the car, and then Mike immediately starting to drive before the two of them had gotten in.
She had stood there in shock, 100 only half stood out of the safehouse, as he’d just gone and left them there. Red didn’t know how to react but-
“I didn’t even get to finish my soda…” comes from 100%, in the most heartbroken tone she’d ever heard 100% use, and Red just bursts into giggles at the ridiculousness of the situation.
“I’m starting to think we aren’t dressed bright enough for him to recognise.” She gets out through her laughter, as 100% smiles back at her.
The two head back inside though, and turn on all the lights as they wait for anyone else to come by so they can get back.
(Later on, Animax and Blue appear outside with a handful Vacation Adventure Society folks and no Mike. Animax throws himself dramatically to her, and with an over-the-top stricken voice he tells her that Blue is insane and asks if he can just keep Red as a weird sister. Red laughs openly at him and tells him they come as a set, and 100% chimes in to say how rude it is of Animax not to extend this family invite - to which Animax responds something about how obviously 100% is coming too, and Red is still laughing at the madness of it all as One of the Vacation girls pushes her into the back of their car and slides in after her, dragging the others along.
She spends a lot of time with that girl at Playground hangouts, after.)
Sofia will admit she never really got Mike and Maria. Maria was always so impossible to tie down, and Mike was so stubborn about everything and anything. She knows Maria liked him, cared in her own way, but she also knows Maria didn’t love him the same way he loved her. They’d have sudden falling outs, but Maria never seemed too broken up about it - though she guesses none of them in the AKAs had any real idea of what a Proper Real World relationship was like.
Still, Blue-and-Mike always seemed like something that was going to happen. They brought out a lot in each other, though now that Sofia is older and looking back she isn’t too sure whether half of that was good. As Red, she felt like she was third wheel to the two of them - Mike always seeming to treat her as “his girlfriend’s sister” instead of another friend. Sometimes she wonders that if they’d had more time, if Mom and Dad had held off on rewarding (on punishing) if they could have moved past that. Seeing him now, grown up and still the same, she isn’t sure they ever would have.
Sofia thinks about how Maria never answered her questions of “Do you love him?” with a real Yes.
Re-meeting Kara had been strange. There was very little that was the same as back then, but in some ways, in the ways she’d fall easily into winding chatter with Max or bite out annoyance with plans, she was the same. They don’t use their code names, but even so the kids they were still feel like the adults they are now - if with a little more experience.
Kara is married, and from what Sofia overhears of her and Max’s talk, she’s very happy. Much like Sofia, Kara chose not to forget any of it. Both of them know Mike chose to forget it all, but Max had still held on to quite a few of his memories - if not enough to recognise parts of Jaime, but that’s partially on her too - despite eventually giving in to the pills. She does wonder what made him do that, eventually. Kara has a husband, who never met Mom and Dad, never had to use what hurt him to hurt unreal and unseen creatures, never learned to bend reality as easy as breathing, and part of Sofia resents that - but part of her is deeply, deeply jealous.
Kara is, in many ways, a stranger to Sofia. Sofia hopes she isn’t a stranger to Kara.
By the time Mike’s managed to leave her behind often enough she’s lost track, Red knows the rough schedules of the other gangs to know who to go to for a lift or just to tag along with. She’s also fully aware at this point that if Blue isn’t still in the car, he turns back and goes straight to her first even if the others are closer. It’s whatever, kind of a fun opportunity to hang out with other AKAs at least.
She knows 100 isn’t going to be around until later in the day, on account of the bruises on 100%’s arm she’s seen looking fresher, and Animax has been flinching more lately so she thinks he’s gonna vanish for next weekend. For now though, she’s reasonably sure that at least one of them and Blue have also not been picked up or something, but she it’s post-mission, so really she’s just hoping for something to do.
She finds herself drifting to Vacation Adventure Society, more often than not. Animax always invites her along when he goes to one of their parties, and 100% always knows who’s going to be there. She spots Animax heading off in the direction of the Society, and she jogs to catch up to him, just as he raps on the doorframe of their current hangout, calling out “Hodi hodi” - she never remembers to ask him what that means or why he does it without fail - and the group inside yells at them to join them.
They’ve not yet started a party, but the group’s still as high-energy as ever, if a little quieter without the music. The same girl who always offers rides, who told her to call her Marty, waves Red over to her - pushing her crewmate off the ragged sofa they’re perched on to make room for Red. Red heads her way, and ignores Animax smirking at her. None of them talk about it, but she knows if she ever wants to, Animax will be there.
She settles down next to Marty, watches Animax just drop to sit on the floor, and laughs along as yet again jokes are made about the Killjoys poor track record of keeping together. Red pipes up in between the jokes to say that it’s for the best, that they’d be heartbroken if they didn’t get to see her enough, and receives a fair share of cheers and boos for saying so.
Being left behind isn’t always so bad, she thinks.
A few weeks after Mike’s taken Jaime and left her, Sofia finds herself staring at an address scratched onto some paper. She’s had it a little while, since the first call from Kara that actually felt like they were still friends again with Max running commentary in the background of it, where Kara made her promise to come and visit. Kara was insistent on her meeting Jeffrey and Max seemed insistent on her meeting Jeffrey’s folks and helping him push Jeffrey out of their top three favourite kids, but Sofia is mostly sure he was kidding. Probably.
She’s tired of feeling left behind. Being with Mike always meant someone got left behind in some way and she’s glad that at least when Max and Kara left they weren’t actually leaving her, not really.
She doesn’t really have a reason to go stay in her house. It was a home for her and Jaime, and without him, well, it’s just too empty for her. Jaime has always learned her phone number first, knows her mobile before anything else. Nobody has called her except for Kara.
A few days later, she’s packed her bags and started the drive down to Kara’s.
Sofia thinks of family like this; anyone she cares for and cares for her can be family, and blood doesn’t mean a thing when you get down to it. Jaime was her nephew, yes, but that didn’t make him any less her kid. There were plenty in the AKAs she truly cared for, and maybe once she would have counted Mike among them, but always the Killjoys first. She and Maria talked about the others enough at home that, had they had more time, Nana was more than willing to have them invite their friends over.
She still remembers Maria laughing as she made that mixtape, telling her that in part she was using it to try and get Mike to listen to actual music.
Sofia has had almost as many years with Jaime as she had with Maria. She tries not to think about the years she could have had, should have had, as Sofia-and-Maria and Jaime.
Now, though, she thinks she’d like to make up for those years without Kara. Without Max. Apologize for never telling Max in the years he taught Jaime, and for not looking for the two of them harder.
The last time Mike leaves Red behind, she stops being Red. He leaves with her sisters body, leaves her covered with her blood, and doesn’t give the body back.
The last time Mike leaves Red behind, he leaves the Killjoys behind too, and despite collecting them all again years later - it’s not the same. Mike leaves Red behind, and Sofia to pick up the pieces and wash the dust and blood off.
The first time Jaime leaves Sofia behind, she realises how foolish it was to think nothing else would ever hurt as bad as losing Maria. He leaves and wants to be with his “real family” and a small part of her wonders if he would have done this to Maria, too. But Sofia says nothing, and lets Jaime go with the illusion of Maria loving Mike as much as Mike loved her, because what else can she do?
It’s not until she’s walking up the driveway of Kara’s that Sofia thinks maybe she should have called ahead, but it’s too late for that, and she simply takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. The door swings open and Sofia has a moment to take in the sight of Max with a scarf wrapped around his head looking happier than she remembered before she is immediately pulled into a hug by said person and kissed on both cheeks.
She manages a weak hello before Max pulls her inside, into the living room, and yells out “Guess who’s turned up!” and-
“Sofia??” is heard from Kara, immediately followed by-
“Is that The Sofia? Your Sofia?” from a voice she doesn’t know, but must be Jeffrey.
She doesn’t quite realise she’s crying until Kara sweeps her into a hug, and tells her she can stay as long as she’d like.
(Later on, she learns that Max has been staying with them in one of the guest rooms, seeing as his landlord kicked him out and he lost his job as part of the vanishing act for the Killjoys reunion - but he tells her it’s fine. He’s trying to figure out what it was he really wanted to do, not just blindly teach because it was expected. Jeffrey says Max has been helping run textiles clubs at the like in the community centre - and also that the talk of being his parents favourite was true.
Truthfully, Sofia isn’t surprised in the slightest. Even her Nana had seemed sweet on Animax out of all the Killjoys, when she and Maria would talk to her about them.)
Sofia feels a little out of place the first few days, a little lost in the group dynamic she’s found herself wandering into, but the others include her and give her space in equal measure, and soon she finds herself cheerfully arguing back and forth with Kara like they did when they were teens over the most pointless of things. Jeffrey seems to accept her presence easily as anything, which surprises her. When she manages to ask him, he only smiles at her - says any friend of his wife has to be as wonderful as she is. He doesn’t know the things they’ve seen, but he listens to them and believes them - and some nights he sits on the sofa with Sofia when she has her own nightmares.
Eventually, she tells them that Mike’s got Jaime now. That she’s been alone, pretty much, and left behind. There isn’t much tying her to her old address - but even so, she finds herself surprised when Max approaches her later, and asks if she’d want to get a new place with him once both of them have figured out what they want to do. When she tells him she doesn’t want to be a burden, he brushes her off and tells her she’s family and he loves her, so how could he ever think of her as a burden? (He follows this up with a comment about how he needs her to help him push Jeffrey out of the top three favourites of his parents, and kindly ignores her tears as she nods along. She knows by now that he very much does succeed at this sort of thing).
Soon, she’ll need to make plans for leaving her old place, for getting into contact with Jaime, for getting a new job. For now, she stays with Kara, feeling part of a family again, agreeing to stay to meet Jeffrey's folks and to introduce Jaime to his new uncle and aunts (Max is insistent that he gets to be Aunt Max, because “everyone knows the aunts are cooler than the uncles”.) once he starts to visit.
She’s missed having family, having a community, knowing she isn’t alone. Sofia isn’t being left behind again, and right now that’s all she needs to feel ready to work things out.