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“Zhongli? That’s the name you chose for yourself Morax?” She chuckled, looking up from her notes to look at him. Her hands delicate as they held the paper and pencil, her hair flowing down her shoulders as she chuckled at his suggestion.
He grinned, “it suits me no? Better than Morax, better than all the other names given to me.” He replied, leaning forward on his elbows as she laughed. Closing her notebook softly, she put her pencil down, “I’m the one that gave you those other names Morax.”
Reaching over the table, he softly grasped her hand into his. “Well it’s time I think for myself, don’t you agree? Guizhong.” His voice barely above a whisper as he stared at their now conjoined hands, her pale ones contrasting his. His that were scarred and tan from hundreds of years of war and labor.
“Morax is your god-given name, it’s what your people call you.”
“Well what if I want only you to call me that?”
There was a beat of silence, her hands stilled as she took in his words. But soon a soft chuckle reverberated throughout the room, her hands slipping out of his as she laughed until tears came to her eyes.
Standing up, she gave him a soft look as she took her things into her hands. “Very funny Morax, I’ll definitely be sure to tell the others of your sudden need for comedy.”
He only smiled as he watched her walk towards the door, “you’re meeting with her today?” He asked, meticulously watching her every move as she got ready to leave.
Guizhong hummed, “we’ve been talking of new designs for the ballista, it’s not strong enough yet to support you in war. So she wants to go over new plans to make it stronger, maybe infuse it with some of her Adeptal energy. You know how she feels about these types of things.”
“Does it have a name yet?”
“Not yet, but you can come to her abode to talk about the details. She set up a stone table for us, you have to come and see it. It’s amazing, and almost big enough for the three of us.”
“I’ll definitely come by later then, considering you two only have the brains but no skill for the art of cooking.”
Guizhong huffed as she shook her head, smiling softly as she stood by the front door. “Well I'll be heading off Morax, I’ll be down with Cloud Retainer if you need to talk about anything”
With that final sentence, and a final wave goodbye, Guizhong left his house.
Of course, dreaming of the past was never one of Zhongli’s favorite past times. Even less so when it came with the dripping sweat, the tangled hair and frantic heartbeat.
No matter how many times he took in air, he could never seem to settle his heart or his mind on these types of nights. He could only tough it out, merely staring at the ceiling as he desperately tried to regain his ragged breathing. His chest burning, and eyes stinging as he clenched his blankets.
And when he did finally settle down, he had no choice but to stay awake.
Letting out a sigh that sounded more like heaving, Zhongli tossed the blankets aside and turned until his feet were on the floor. His hands firmly placed on his thighs as he bore a hole within the floor, eyes narrowed as he felt the coolness of the sweat as he began to calm down.
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Zhongli repeated these words like a mantra, gripping his clothes tightly as he tried to tether himself back down to the Earth.
Opening his eyes once more, he stood up as tall as he could and made his way towards the bathroom. He had a lot to do today, and he couldn’t let the memories of the past hold him back.
He couldn’t let the memories of Guizhong hold him back, she was long gone and he needed to remember that.
“Traveler! We weren’t expecting to see you here today, if you’re looking for Director Hu she’s out at the moment.” The clerk said, smiling brightly as she relayed the news.
Aether smiled as he shook his head, “I’m actually here to see Zhongli if he’s in. I needed to talk to him about a commission I received.”
She hummed, “I’ll have to go and check, please wait here. I’ll call for you as soon as I know anything.” With a final nod, Aether turned and walked towards the chairs that were set down in the lobby.
He let Paimon off on her own today, being careful to not give her too much Mora as she promised to only get vital supplies. And if his calculations were correct, the amount of Mora he gave her should cover the costs. If not, well she’d need to come back.
Aether sighed as he looked down at his feet, his boots scuffed from the amount of fights and dirt he’d been in since he arrived to Teyvat. He hummed softly as he inspected his shoes, knee pads, and other needless things as he waited.
It wasn’t until five minutes later did he hear any footsteps, looking up he saw her and Zhongli following close behind. They seemed to be talking about something, but Zhongli didn’t seem to be listening at all.
“Ah, Zhongli here’s Aether for you. He said he needed to talk with you about a commission he received, unclear if it’s from you or-” “Thank you.” Zhongli interrupted, merely side swiping her as he walked towards Aether.
Aether furrowed his eyebrows, that’s unusual.
Aether smiled apologetically at the clerk, to which she merely dismissed it and waved them off. Turning back towards Zhongli, Aether sighed softly.
“So? What is it you’re here for Traveler, I apologize if I sound hasty. I didn’t have the best morning today.” Zhongli whispered, eyes dazed as he looked at him.
For a moment, Aether considered leaving the matter and just having Zhongli lay back down. His eyes were dazed, he had sweat dripping down the side of his temple, and he overall didn’t seem at the best of health.
But he knew that this commission wasn’t one of the ordinary, but rather was one of personal nature. A personal nature that could’ve only come from the Archon himself.
“I’d rather we go somewhere else to speak Zhongli, this commission concerns private matters.” Aether replied, grasping onto Zhongli’s wrist as he made for the door.
Zhongli didn’t protest, only hummed as he walked where he was led.
--
As soon as they were farther away from prying ears and eyes, Aether turned to look at Zhongli fully. But only frowned as he looked at the Archon, eyebrows furrowing even deeper as Zhongli waited for him to speak.
Clearing his throat, Aether spoke, “the commission I received today was to retrieve a dumbbell dubbed the Memory of Dust. I asked around and citizens told me that it was a rumored artifact that belonged to the God of Dust, but no one knew where it could be located. I wanted to ask you if you had a clue, and also wanted to ask if it was indeed you who commissioned me to find it.”
Zhongli perked up quickly, staring down at Aether in both shock and bewilderment. For a moment, he was stunned to silence. No longer merely existing in his fog of haze, but rather looking at the Traveler who could only look at him with nervous eyes.
“I-” Zhongli opened his mouth to speak, but could only close it as the words wouldn’t form on his tongue. Letting out a sigh, Zhongli looked around for a place to sit.
Today didn’t seem to be the day, first the dream and now the commission. Zhongli felt as though the Gods of Celestia were laughing at him, poking at his depression and sadness.
“Zhongli?”
He looked up at the name, but only winced when he saw Guizhong and not the Traveler. Looking down at the ground once more, Zhongli could only put his face in his hands. His chest tightening as his throat began to burn once more.
Aether’s frown deepened, he knew it was Zhongli who requested. But he didn’t expect this reaction at all, usually the Archon always kept a level head. Always made sure to never break his facade of calm, but this Zhongli was not one of calm. He was an existence of sadness and distress.
Sitting down next to him, Aether could do nothing but lean on his shoulder as Zhongli rode out his memories and his anxiety in silence.
After a moment of thought, Aether began to hum the lullaby he sang to the Glaze Lilies. A lullaby taught to him by his sister when they were still together, figuring that even though he’d never know what Zhongli was suffering; he could at least attempt to alleviate it.
Aether adjusted himself until he was sitting up straight, bringing his arms around the Archon who had not yet broken the onslaught of memories. Zhongli allowed himself to be moved, not caring where he was as he allowed his memories to flow.
Adjusting himself once more, Aether laid Zhongli’s head down onto his lap. Continuing to hum the lullaby as he untied Zhongli’s hair, wrapping the rubber band around his wrist as the other hand cradled Zhongli’s head. He didn’t dare to speak a word throughout this entire process, remembering well the way his sister treated his nights of terror.
When the two of them were comfortable, Aether began to run his fingers through Zhongli’s hair to soothe him. No longer humming, but merely existing with Zhongli in silence. Zhongli still hadn’t spoken a word, but felt his heartbeat begin to slow as he was held.
After he had fully settled down, Zhongli nuzzled into Aether as he inhaled his scent. He allowed another beat of silence to go by before he spoke,
“The dumbbell… the Memory of Dust belonged to a close friend of mine, her name was Guizhong. She was a god like me, who lived before the Archon War. The Memory of Dust was one of her last commemorations to her memory, though after she was killed in battle; I’d never been able to find it. In fact-” Zhongli took in a shuddered breath, gripping onto Aether tighter as he blinked away the tears.
“In fact-I don’t know why I even commissioned that, I knew it was impossible but I just-” Zhongli felt his throat burn as he tried his best to hold back the tears that threatened to flow, Guizhong’s face flashing through his mind as he came to a halt.
Aether shushed him softly, wrapping his arms around him even tighter as he leaned down until his head touched Zhongli. “You don’t need to explain Zhongli, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Aether whispered, allowing Zhongli to wrap his arms around his waist as he began to cry.
“You don’t need to explain, just let it out. I’m here, I’ll always be here.” Aether whispered, resting his chin on Zhongli’s head as he cried. Aether felt his heart squeeze as the Archon sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut as he hoped to the gods of his home that he could do something more than just this.
More than just sitting here cradling a man that was scarred from thousands of years of war, more than whisper soothing words to a man who lost his companions and his friends in a war that wasn’t his fault. More than holding the man who gave up his gnosis for a life of normalcy. More than sob with the man who lost everything and everyone to old gods who played a game of chess with the lives who were torn apart.
But he couldn’t, Aether knew he couldn’t.
Still, Aether took in a breath as he leaned back. His heart squeezing when Zhongli gripped him tighter, hands shaking as he opened his eyes to look at him.
Aether smiled softly, eyes blurry with tears as he and Zhongli looked at each other for what felt like an eternity. Slowly, Aether brought his hand to cradle Zhongli’s cheek.
“You know..” Aether whispered, wiping away tears with his thumb as Zhongli began to calm down. “When my sister and I were separated and pulled down into this dreadful world, I felt alone and lost when I awoke. Lost in a world that wasn’t my own, lost in a world that didn’t have my gods or my friends.
Sometimes, I even felt like just giving up on the quest to find her. To just stay here and live amongst the people of Teyvat, to enjoy the simpler things in life. But then I found Paimon, fished her out of a lake that she could’ve hovered above; but insisted that catching fish must be done the traditional way.
I’ve journeyed through so many worlds, through so many lives-” Aether paused, allowing his hands to rest a bit as he looked at Zhongli; who was listening to him attentively as he spoke, his eyes no longer filled with the haze but rather filled with curiosity as he spoke.
Aether smiled softly, “but throughout those numerous worlds, finding and meeting everyone here in Teyvat has to be the luckiest thing I’ve ever experienced. And even when I felt like all was lost, I found something new to live for. I found something that gave me a new will to live, one that didn’t sadden me beyond all recognition.”
Zhongli looked up at Aether hesitatingly, softly whispering, “what did you find?”
“You, Master Diluc, Kaeya, Jean, Razor, all of you. I found all of you, and all of you accepted me without a second thought. Even if you were wary of me at first, you accepted me without any worries. You trusted me, and helped me. My new will to live is to pay you back tenfold.” Aether replied, still whispering as the silence began to envelop them both.
“What I’m trying to say Zhongli-” Aether sighed, raking his fingers through his hair once more as he looked up rather than down. “Losing everything and being lost is hard, it’s one of the hardest experiences possible. But, in order to keep moving. In order to keep living, you need to find something new to live for. Even if it’s small, even if it annoys you sometimes, you need to find it.
Because, we can’t afford to lose you Zhongli. Not now, not when there’s trials upon trials in our future. We need you there to be with us when it's time, and your Adeptus Xiao needs you too. We all do, Archon or not, we need you.”
Zhongli sighed, but still smiled as he looked up at Aether. His heartbeat calm as he contemplated Aether’s words, words that were hard to hear but needed to be said nonetheless.
“Then… in the future, can I depend on you too?” Zhongli whispered, afraid of the answer even though he knew from the start that he’d trust Aether forever.
Even so, when Aether smiled and wrapped him in his arms once more, Zhongli felt like he finally believed in himself again.
Even if their world was fated to be doomed, even if these words meant nothing in the near future. Zhongli knew that he’d be able to fight through it all, because he was no longer alone. He had Aether, and he had his new family to be there with him when his time arrived to face the inevitable.