Work Text:
On my pillow
Can't get me tired
I’m awake now. Never fell asleep. Now fully sober but still on my pillow as the thoughts eat me up. My heart tells me to just sleep but my mind tells me to walk away from this place and pretend as if the night never occurred.
Sharing my fragile truth
That I still hope the door is open
I remember the night’s events so clearly it should be a sin. I shouldn’t even keep a track of them but I did. Remembered every touch, every trail, every kiss and every word and sound. Remembered proudly as if it wasn’t a sin. Remembered openly as if it wasn’t forbidden. I just can hope, I am not the only one who remembers this as a beautiful memory, as sweet reminiscences. I know I will be the only one but a man can hope right?
Wrong
‘Cause the window
Opening one time with you and me
TEN YEARS AGO
“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” I asked. This was followed by a burst of laughter ten years ago. I didn’t mean it as a pickup line though.
But the guy who I said it to laughed so hard that I didn’t mind not correcting. Soft brown locks bouncing lightly, eyes almost closing out of laughter and a hand pressed against his mouth hiding a beautiful smile I was sure.
“What an amazing way to start a conversation with the class president. And that too on your first day,” he chuckled.
“Jeon Jungkook,” he smiled. See, his bunny smile was beautiful, gorgeous infact.
“K-Kim T-Taehyung,” I stuttered, all the confidence I once had now poofed into thin air.
“Well, K-Kim T-Taehyung,” he playfully mocked, “wanna grab lunch with me?” Confidence that I could never gather.
NOW
I turn to my right, still laying on the bed. I am faced with a matured face. Matured with grace, elegance. High cheekbones with no more teenage pimples. Caramel coloured skin and soft brown locks but with now black streaks. I remembered when he said he wants highlights because they were trending. We had both gone on his crazy adventure to do just that. Turns out the ‘trend’ wasn’t made for him light brown hair and his words not mine “my hair looked like a tiger’s tail”
To me though, he still looked like an angel fallen from heaven. With or without his perfect hair.
I smiled at the memory. A strong wind blew through the window slightly pushing the curtains aside, the space now created allowing a ray of moonlight passing through it and reaching my king sized bed, softly caressing the beautiful man laying next to me. The moonlight made look even more perfect than he already is, putting his exposed shoulder and collar bones in an exquisite display.
Jeon Jungkook was a piece of art as they say in cliche terms.
His cherry lips slowly parted as he started breathing through his mouth and if I looked closely I could see his two bunny teeth.
Closely? Will I be able to see his closely again? After tonight that is? Will he still want me now after this sin? I would be happy to be his friend only. Not even as a best friend. I will be satisfied if I could only ask him how he is. It will be okay. I won’t be able to never see him again.
Now my forever's falling down
Wondering if you'd want me now
But this feeling in my heart now? What about that? What will happen now that the closet I sealed of my feelings a long time ago, accepting that I won’t have what my heart wants, won’t have him as a lover but forever best friend. What now that my heart had already tasted of what it was like to be in his arms. What will happen now that my heart already felt the love it always desired. Even if it was a mask of it, even if it was fake.
Will I be able to cover it again? Softly avoid it from pain. Close my eyes just so my heart couldn’t get the picture that it couldn’t bear.
Will I be able to recover from this?
How could I know
One day I'd wake up feeling more
Guess I will be able to. As I was able to recover when he was with all of his previous boyfriends. I will be able to avoid it like how I avoided the feeling after he was done using me as his shoulder to cry on because of other guys. Not really realising that I was always there to heal him and I could give him all that they couldn’t. Not wealthwise, but I would still shower him with love. All the love that I couldn't give to myself, I would promise him without a blink of an eye.
Now, I guess this night would be one of her recoveries. Which still used me to heal him. Which bled my heart to mend his. Yes, a recovery. You can do it Tae. My eyes teared up. Showing my weakness. This wasn’t something I was strong enough for. This meant a lot to me. But I guess not to him.
But I had already reached the shore
We were ships in the night, night, night
I'm wondering
Are you my best friend
Feel's like a river's rushing through my mind
I wanna ask you
If this is all just in my head
My heart is pounding tonight
Stirring in his sleep, he threw his arm around my chest and face near my shoulder as his hair now covered his face. His breaths coming out slow, long and deep on my bare shoulder. Jungkook was the most kind person I have met. When I came to this city ten years ago, on a scholarship to my school, he took it upon herself to shelter me from freshmen bullying. Being an introvert and shy I had a hard time getting to know the place. Jungkook got me out of my shell and showed me how to live. How it wasn’t just money that I needed back in my small old town, but also a companion and a “best friend” of his as he always called me. I never had a problem with that. He was everything I could ask for in a person. Everything and more. Understanding me more than I could understand myself. But certain things were still there that I could just hide so well and feelings I could mask up. But hey, it was for the good, for the better, so I am not complaining.
wonder If you
Are too good to be true
Questions ran in my mind as I removed his hair from his face gently so as to not wake him up. Will this be my last time having him beside me sleeping so peacefully? Will I be able to hold him again? Will tonight repeat?
Pssh! What a joke!
And would it be alright if I
Pulled you closer
How could I know
One day I'd wake up feeling more
But I had already reached the shore
Guess we were ships in the night
Night, night
But I guess I could hug and sleep for the night right? With that in my, I gently grabbed his waist and slowly pulled him completely into my arms. Closing my eyes, I relished my last moments with my ten year old crush, ten year old love but most important of all, my ten year old best friend for probably the last time.
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Morning came too soon for my liking. I woke up to soft grunts in my ear. Looking next to me, I found Jungkook slowing awaking. Probably with a pounding headache of being hungover. His forehead was creased in wrinkles. I reached out to carefully massage his headache away, to release some tension until he was fully awake. Not really confused on his surroundings he looked at me and smiled. We had sleepovers (therapy sessions because there was a fight between him and his current or ex) often.
“ ‘Morning Tae,” he said in his usual soft voice.
I just smiled not trusting myself to speak now as realisation was about to hit him.
“I will just go and freshen up,” he said slowly removing his blanket before I sternly held the blanket to his shoulders. Not allowing him to expose himself.
Realisation that he was naked, lower back hurting and incidents of last night started dawning upon him now. He looked at me with wide eyes pleading to say that what he was thinking was just a bad dream It hurt me obviously, but it was true.
“It’s true, kook” I said in my morning raspy voice.
Tears brimmed his eyes. He had cheated on the man he loved. Whether intentionally or not. He had cheated, drunken mistake or not. He had cheated. Whether he was hurting because of that man he loved at that time or not, didn’t give him an excuse.
“Tae, c-can we pretend this never h-happ-pened?” he stuttered, tears now flowing freely down his eyes towards his ears as he was laying.
He turned to lay facing me now, still completely hidden under the covers due to my tight grip on them. He held my hand with both of his as he pleaded. I rubbed my thumb on his finger on his engagement ring on his left ring finger reminding myself, he will never be mine to love.
I nodded, of course I could hurt myself for her more.
It's crazy knowing the person you love loves someone else.
"Call Jimin. He must be worried after last night. Tell him you are safe and just fell asleep in my house, hm?" My voice almost cracked at the end of that but I quickly covered it with a cough.
A small grateful smile spread through his tears. As he was about to hug me, I stopped him by placing my hand on his shoulder respectfully creating a bit of distance between our naked selves. A pained expression spread through her face but I ignored. My heart could take no more.
Looking away and for my trousers while still having my body covered, I somehow managed to trace them and putting them with much difficulty as he still looked at me. I got up from the bed leaving the room to give him room and to cry my tears out somewhere else.
However, even if you tear me to pieces or reduce me to ashes, I will still go back and give you my heart.
Somewhere. Anywhere but here.
We were ships in the night
Night, night
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Comments?
Part 2? Of the same?
Good ending needed?
The ending is okay as it is?
Lemme know!