Chapter Text
»»————❖————««
“Wait… why are we parked in front of your house?” Basil suddenly inquired, disturbing the prevalent silence, “Aren’t you guys supposed to be dropping us off first?”
The sky was clouded over, an ashy dark blue look as the night seemed to settle itself over the small town. Kel’s street was dipped in darkness, cicadas singing their choir loudly as the car’s ignition turned off. Aubrey blinked blearily as she roused from the passenger’s seat, all while Hero and Kel seemed to share a look at Basil’s question.
Kel grinned, “Wellll-, me and Hero were thinking… how about we have a sleepover?!”
“A sleepover?” Aubrey groaned, hair wild as she yawned, “How the hell did you guys even manage to get permission for that? Isn’t… isn’t your mom still mad at us?” she questioned warily, suddenly seeming more awake.
“Oh no, she’s still pissed,” Kel clarified chipperly, “That’s why I had Hero here convince her for me. Dad was easy in comparison.”
Basil glanced over at the college student, “You did? And you're just… fine with that?”
Hero grinned sheepishly, “Ah, well it’s not like I was manipulated into doing it. Plus a sleepover… kinda sounds like a fun idea. Plus I think it’d be a good Idea considering...”
Aubrey frowned, “Considering…?”
Kel perked up, “ Considering the fact that we got tickets to the Spring Carnival tomorrow! ”
Basil suddenly joined in, “ Eh-! Are you serious?! That place is still stopping by Faraway?!”
Kel puffed his chest, “ That’s right! Me and Hero managed to get tickets for all of us. Since we’re allowed to go tomorrow, we thought it’d be simpler if we all just woke up in the same place instead of having to regroup later.”
“ Aaaand- ” Kel drawled sneakily as he looped an arm around Sunny and Basil’s shoulder’s, pressing them against himself, “ -this will totally be a good time to catch up! We can talk about all the new people we’ve seen, new crushes we’ve had, and all the new stuff we’ve put in our mouths! C’mon, it’s a great idea and you know it! ”
Both Basil and Sunny twisted in the brunette’s grip harshly, Aubrey giving Hero a questioning glance, “Are you sure about this? Is your guy's room even big enough to hold all of us?”
Hero smiled, “I’m sure we can figure something out. If anything, I’m more than willing to sleep on the couch so one of you guys can take the bed,” his keys rattled loudly as he stuffed them in his pocket. “So, are you guys coming?”
Aubrey glowered in her seat, “Do we even have a choice?”
“ Nope! ” Kel whooped from the backseat.
»»————❖————««
Sunny was met with a sudden darkness as another large blanket was thrown haphazardly over his head, managing a small scowl as he fumblingly pulled it off his face. Aubrey gestured to Hero over on the other side of the room, pinning the thin blanket up by the wooden clips the brunette was holding. Kel and Basil were nowhere in sight, likely still scavenging for snacks downstairs.
Kel’s and Hero’s room had the advantage of being the largest bedroom out of the rest of them, which meant that hosting overnight guests in it was something that came as easy as eating. Years of sleepovers made the sight a familiar one, even if it had been awhile since they officially hosted one. It was dark outside, and the room remained illuminated by Hero’s large floor lamp.
“A little bit to the left,” Aubrey ordered over to Hero, “No- you’re pulling it to the right now. Ye- No now you’re pulling it down,”.
“Uh… my left or your left?” Hero asked sheepishly, and if Sunny had to admit it, the sight of such a brawn and large giant like Hero staring at a thin blanket like it was one of the most complicated equations he had encountered was more than a little amusing.
“There's only one type of left Hero,” Aubrey flatly pointed out, “Here, you hold this side. I’ll get i-”
A sudden crash through the door cut her off, “We’re back!” Kel grinned, a single arm wrapped around a handful of chip bags. Basil followed behind him, face obscured by a significantly larger amount of snacks.
“Shhh! Don’t go crashing like that, we’re supposed to be quiet!” Hero chastised in a hushed voice, “Mom will have our heads if Sally wakes up.”
The prospect of having a hyperactive kindergartener and angered middle-aged woman in their midst, Kel hushed up significantly, “Alright alright, I get it. It’s just been forever since we’ve done this! Can’t help being at least a little restless, y’know?” Kel singsong.
Basil groaned agitatedly behind his armful of snacks, “Kel, if having a sleepover suddenly meant that I was gonna be your own personal luggage carrier, I think I’m better off going back home.” With that, he let the snacks fall haphazardly on the blankets, barely missing Sunny’s feet.
“Aw c’mon Basil, don’t get so pissy,” the brunette grinned, “I told you I was gonna be carrying the secret weapon and all, you had to take one for the team! Plus, I don’t have my driver’s license yet so you’d be walking back in the negatives.”
“Kel, If I had to save you from falling off a cliff, I’d push you off myself.”
Sunny’s eyebrows rose in a questioning stare, “Wait, what ‘secret weapon’?”
The taller brunette grinned mischievously, before rolling out the bundle of a hoodie and pulling out a large party-sized jug of soda. “Ta-da!” he cheered, “The one and only Orange Joe! Been saving this bad boy for an occasion just like this! Man this is gonna be good.”
Hero raised his eyebrows in surprise, “I didn’t even know we had any. Where did you get it?”
“I had it cooped up in the back pantry,” Kel explained, face raised high with pride, “I had to convince Cris to pick one up for me when they visited the city, so it’s a smidge dated-”
“How much is smidge huh?” Aubrey cut in.
“Not that much!” he quickly reassured, “Definitely not three years like last time but uh… wait, when was the last time Cris visited the city?”
The group let out a collective groan at the boy’s words, Hero and Aubrey turning back to continue the fort. By the time they finished up, Sunny was helping Basil pour several bowls of snacks for the upcoming night. The lights were dimmed down and several blankets had been passed around. They all sat on the floor, forming a crooked circle as they talked silently.
Sunny gave Kel a passing glance, “ Hey Kel… "
“Hm?” the brunette acknowledged, mouth covered in cheese dust as his hand was still stuck in the bowl.
“Is the Orange Joe any good? There’s no other drinks here, and getting water right now seems risky…” he mumbled.
Kel grinned widely, shoving a red solo cup to the ravenette’s face with his free hand, “You wanna try? Basil and Aubrey are being big babies about it, it actually tastes pretty good!”
Sunny took the cup, giving the liquid a curious sniff. His face immediately pinched in a repulsed grimace. The strong orangey smell was incredibly potent and warm, as if the Spring heat had melted the drink to it’s basic corn starch and sugar contents. The bottom of the cup was darkened with freckled white splotches at the bottom, as if a living bacterial colony was residing in it.
How Kel could drink this without batting an eye was likely a testament to humanity’s greatest achievements. Sunny can only assume the range of things Kel had put in his mouth as a child was the only reason he was likely able to fight off any illness that threatened him.
The abuse Kel’s immune system must have gone through… it almost scares him…
Sunny cleared his throat, “Uh… actually, I’m fine. Thank you.”
Aubrey laughed wryly, apparently having overheard the interaction, “Look at that Kel, you’ve successfully managed to petrify Sunny with your ‘witch's brew’ . How you managed to make something as poisonous as the school’s toilet seat I have no idea.”
Kel shrugged, “It’s really not all that bad! It tastes warm, sure, but it’s still good! Here, try some-”
“ Ugh-! Get that crap away from me! ” she batted away the cup that had been shoved in front of her, as if the smell alone was lethal. The rest of the group quietly chuckled at the two’s antics.
“Hey… actually that gives me an idea!” Basil chided, unraveling the blanket cocoon he’d made around himself. When the boy was met with the group’s curious looks, he grinned sheepishly, “How about a game of Truth or Dare?” he suggested.
“ Truth or Dare? ” Aubrey echoed, “Isn’t it a little too late for that? Plus, that game is made for a bunch of hormonal teens that just want to find out each other's crushes.” she complained gruffly.
“The ‘ Dare ’ part might make a lot of noise, so maybe we shouldn’t.” Hero grimaced.
Basil shook his head, “Well, not really Truth or Dare, I guess. We’ll ask each other questions, and we either answer them publicly to the whole group or- ” he plucked the capped jug from where it had been laying, “ -you drink a whole half a cup of Kel’s Orange Joe. ”
The blonde’s announcement was met with a chorus of Ooo’s and hollers.
“ Hey! That’s not fair! I worked hard to preserve this supply!”
“I think this counts as a cruel or unusual punishment.”
“At least it’s not alcohol…”
The blonde cleared his throat, “So is that a yes?” he inquired, setting the jug back down.
“I mean… it sounds fun,” Hero said, “But why Truth or Dare? And why now?”
At this, Basil glanced around a little more sheepishly, “Uh… w-well, it’s a classic sleepover game, you know? And I thought -y’know, since we haven’t seen Hero and Sunny in awhile- that it'd be a good way to hear about some stuff they’ve seen.”
Hero smiled softly, taking off his glasses, “That sounds like a great idea Basil.” he grinned, making the blonde shift on his feet uncomfortably.
“I second that.” Aubrey agreed with a mischievous grin, “Truth or Dare is a little bit of a loser’s game, but Truth or Get Poisoned sounds a lot more fun! Count me in ladies.” She leaned forward from his bean bag, grabbing her own empty solo cup.
Kel huffed angrily, “I’ll have you guys know that this is my soda you’re calling poison. If we’re playing this, at least give my Joe some respect.” he pouted.
“No,” Aubrey and Basil both flatly said simultaneously.
The resounding groan from Kel was long winded, before he leaned back forward with a hidden smile, “ fffffffiiiine , I guess I’ll let you guys do as you please. As long as you count me in too!” he grinned widely, grabbing two solo cups and passing one to Sunny. The silent boy begrudgingly took it.
When Hero grabbed his own, the game officially began. “So, whose first?” Aubrey drilled excitedly.
Kel shifted on the pillow he sat on, “Since Basil suggested the game, how about we let him go first?” The group gave a resounding agreement, turning expectantly towards the boy.
Basil’s eyes widened at the attention, “ I-! Uh… sure, I guess I can go,” he cleared his throat, “how about… Hero!” He turned to face the taller brunette, who had previously been reading a small book, “Has medical school been hard for you so far?”
“Booo,” Aubrey drawled, “What a softball question.” she muttered gruffly.
Hero scratched behind his head, “Well, I guess so. I mean, medical schools aren’t really known for being easy. The homework’s a lot, lecture’s even more so. I think I’ve developed a coffee addiction,” he joked, earning a few chuckles and grins from the group. A coffee addiction, hm? Must be a pandemic between overworked adults.
“Alright, my turn…” Hero hummed, scanning the group before settling, “Kel!” the boy perked up expectantly, buzzing in his seat with excitement, “what really happened to dad’s watch?”
All too quickly, Kel’s cheeks pale as his grin dissolved in horror.
Aubrey suddenly cracked up, earring a confused look from both Basil and Sunny. Seeing the two, she hushed down, “When we celebrated mom’s- I mean- Kel’s mom’s birthday, his dad let him borrow his watch. It was big and bulky, shined and cleaned with some fancy-ass oil. By the end of the night, Kel ‘lost’ it.”
“And I really did!” Kel cried anxiously, “no idea where it went, maybe someone stole it while I wasn’t looking! That could have totally happened…”
“Kel, the party was at the house, ” Hero said sternly.
Without another word, Kel snatched the jug and poured himself half a cup of Orange Joe. As the group continued their teasing, he finished his cup with barely any reaction. The group was forced to move on then.
“My turn now,” he huffed, turning to Sunny with renewed vigor, “Sunny! My man! Tell me: Have any hot chicks in the city caught your eye lately? Or has some lucky lady been trying to catch yours, hmmmm?- ” he wiggled his eyebrows at him.
“Kel!” Hero chastised.
“What!? I just asked a question! He doesn’t have to answer it if he doesn’t want to!”
“Yeah, but then he has to literally drink the devil's piss if he doesn’t! Fuckin’ peer pressure,” Aubrey growled.
Sunny furrowed his eyebrows, thinking hard. Ultimately, he was disappointed in his answer, “No… not really. I’m not… really interested in dating n’ stuff.” he mumbled. It’s always been something that made him feel alienated.
He never had elementary crushes or giddy feelings towards anyone. He knew Aubrey had once shown interest in him as a little kid, but his inability to reciprocate greatly confused him and he shunned himself from reciprocating.
Come to think of it, had he even seen any girls in the city? The only girls he remembers interacting with were sporadic tutors and strangers. Scotty was a guy, but he had been the friendliest face in Nearby City. But… he didn’t feel anything special with him either.
He’s never felt anything special with anyone, no matter how hard he tries.
Maybe he’s just broken.
Another thing to add to the list.
Kel hummed, “That’s fair, I guess I’ll have to go see for myself. Wanna tag along Basil? Maybe you could use a girlfriend or two.”
Basil flushed bright red, face twisting into a deep scowl, “As if you could get a girl even if you tried! Hell, you’ve known Aubrey for your whole damn life.”
“…and just what does that mean?” Aubrey gazed dangerously.
“ Eh? What- ”
She suddenly pulled the boy towards her by the collar, “Just because I’m a girl suddenly means I’m interested in a boy, huh? Just because I’m a girl and he’s a boy, we should be dating, huh? That’s what you’re saying right?!”
Basil’s eyes flew open, the boy rapidly shaking his head, “ What!- No no nonono, I meant like, a-as in getting advice! Not that! Kel barely knows how to ask a girl out when he can just ask for some information instead of using cheesy googled crap!”
Aubrey coldly gazed at Basil, before letting the boy go, returning to her previous nonchalant flat face, “Hm, figures.” she mumbled. The boy looked like he’d seen a ghost.
“Alright, my turn now. Since apparently we’re on the topic of picking up chicks… Hero,” her lip quirked up in a teasing nature, “Found someone you fancy over at college?”
Hero flushed tomato red, anxiously scratching at his arm, “ A-ah, well, that’s not- dating isn’t really a thing you can focus on while studying to be a doctor, y- y’know? ” he refused to look at anyone as silence took over, Kel and Aubrey’s grins seemingly slipped off their faces. The ventilation filled the silence.
He cleared his throat, “Let’s move on… Basil, how about you tell me your most embarrassing memory.”
Instead of predictably turning red and hanging his head in shame, Basil turned red and let out an anxious laugh, “Figures. I was kinda expecting this.” he chuckled. The blonde turned to face the group, sniffing slightly, “Back in first grade, it was labor day. We got assigned this cute little project where we had to dress up as what we wanted to be in the future and say a small speech,”
“Hey, I remember this,” Aubrey announced, slightly astonished at remembering the forgotten memory, “I dressed up as a fashionista. The feathers on the dress had gave me a rash.” she snorted.
“I dressed up as a dinosaur!” Kel grinned, having the grace to only look slightly sheepish, “I thought it was a costume party, but I rolled with it saying I wanted to study dinosaurs. God I was a genius. "
Basil smiled, before looking down at his clenched hands, “Sunny wasn’t there to help me like he usually does, since he was grounded for accidentally breaking Mari’s nail polish. Even though I never had problems with school, I was suddenly… stumped. I realized that I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Planting flowers was nice, but how far could that really get me? For the first time in my life… I felt lost. ”
“Grandma saw me having trouble, so she helped me choose one for me. She told me that it wasn’t a big deal, and that I could change my mind anytime I wanted. When I was still having trouble, she gave me a stack of flashcards with job names on it. It was already late, and I was taking up a lot of her time, so I just… chose the first one I saw...” he explained softly.
“ Firefighter, ” Sunny mumbled, earning a few glances.
Basil nodded sadly, “I didn’t like it though. Even as I got up to give my spectacular three-sentence speech, I couldn’t stop shaking. I didn’t understand what was happening, I was just… I felt so wrong. I didn’t know what I wanted to be, and I think it made me think I didn’t know who I was. And with everyone looking at me as I stood frozen, expecting me to tell them something that represented who I was, I… it just became too much. ”
“You started tearing up,” Kel said, tone strangely solem, “And you just… ran out of the class. Crap, and here I thought you just got freaked out with everyone looking at you, I didn’t think you were having a literal existential crisis. ”
Basil nodded, “I mean, neither did I. I thought I was broken or something. It was all just… too much. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door and just… sunk to my knees and cried. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and I was still too young to be able to form the words. Everything felt… so trivial. ”
“How… How did you get back up?” Hero asked, almost horrified, “I mean, for a first grader it must have been reality shattering.”
Basil nodded, but this time he managed a small smile. “When my teacher came by to coax me out, I was so scared. I kept screaming at her to just leave me alone, and to stop talking to me. More teachers came by and that only made it worse. I knew I was being mean but everything felt too hot and I couldn’t find it in myself to care. But, luckily-”
“They asked me if I could calm you down.” Sunny interrupted, digging his chin into his knees. He was met with the astonished looks of everyone else. He already knew how this story ended, though it had been awhile since he remembered it.
“Yeah,” Basil sighed, “The voices of the adults weren’t there when he knocked on the door. Even while I was crying in this big empty room, I could still hear him making silent pleas. After a few minutes, I caved and unlocked the door. Sunny walked in and it looked like he didn’t know what to do, though I couldn’t blame him. Can’t say it was something I’d have been expecting,” he laughed slightly before sniffling.
“He wasn’t in our grade, so I think they had to sniff him out. In hindsight, I’m beyond glad it was Sunny who they asked. He just… sat with me until I was all cried out. Didn’t do anything else but let me lean on him. I guess having a silent best-friend there made it hard to think about how I wasn’t human anymore.” He looked over at Sunny now, giving him a small but grateful smile. It made Sunny flush slightly, before attempting to return the smile.
Basil grinned, brightening up immediately, “So yeah. My first mental breakdown was in front of my whole class and was because I was picked to be the firefighter. Pretty embarrassing, huh?” he laughed self-deprecatingly.
‘More depressing than embarrassing, geez.’
Aubrey scrunched her eyes, “Shit man, how come we’re only hearing about this now?”
Basil rubbed at his eyes, “Like I said, I had no way of saying it out loud. I talked to Sunny about it afterwards, and asked him if he could keep this whole thing a secret. I talked with Grandma after it, so I was mostly fine afterwards.”
“Mostly fine” wasn’t too accurate in his opinion. Sunny found that Basil’s mental troubles seemed to grow steadily from there. Panic attacks weren’t too common, but Sunny still figured out how to coax the boy into a pacified state. Eventually, when Basil was getting a better grip on himself, he seemed to arrive before the attack fully sunk its teeth into him.
He became his mental crutch, always there to help him.
His best friend.
…
I… abandoned him.
Didn’t I?
How many attacks did he have while I was gone?
Don’t think about it…
When Basil was at his most vulnerable, he likely ignored his frantic knocking…
Don’t think about it.
Did he give up on me?
He suddenly felt very very sick…
“ Okay okay! Let’s move on! Aubrey! ”
When Sunny snapped back to reality, he found it surprising to see the grim mood suddenly turned on its head as the game continued. Though, even though he could process everything around him again, his body still felt thoroughly shaken. He decided to sit this turn out until it passed.
“Hm? My turn?” Aubrey grinned a toothy smile, “Try me, there ain’t nothing I can’t handle.” she leaned back, crossing her legs nonchalantly.
Basil’s eyebrows furrowed, but he nodded, “Actually, I have a question that I wanted to ask earlier. What’s the deal between you and Kim? Like, I know you guys are friends, but like…”
Aubrey’s face was unreadable and flat. You couldn’t tell a single difference if it weren’t for the bobbing in her throat and a significant draining of color in her face.
“Aw c'mon Basil, what are you implying?” Kel cried, throwing himself on Aubrey’s side, “Aubrey’s just best friend’s with her! You can have best-best-friends in a best-friend’s group. Like what Basil and Sunny are! Right Aubrey? ”
No reply.
“Aubrey?” Hero prompted hesitantly.
Silently, the girl inhaled, “That’s it Basil. You better sleep with one eye open, cause I’m crushing your windpipe tonight.” And with that, she poured herself half a cup of the syrupy substance and chugged it all in one gulp.
Kel’s mom came in soon after, chastising them for how loudly they were all screaming.
(Right before bed, Aubrey ended up bent over the toilet with Basil, profusely apologizing for something he didn’t know he did, by her side.)
»»————❖————««
The night eased away slowly, letting the slightest blue hues be eaten away and replaced with nocturnal black. Kel had dozed off the earliest, and despite the teasing thrown at his unconscious body, he was followed by Basil and Aubrey shortly afterwards. The cicadas buzzed loudly outside the house, slight breeze grazing over trees outside. It was well past four in the morning, and no sane person would be awake.
It’s a good thing Sunny never considered himself a sane person.
After what was likely an hour of silent tossing and turning, trying to ease himself into sleep, Sunny exhaled through his nose in defeat. It had been a long while since everyone had settled themselves into their respective spots, Hero and Kel sleeping in the fort and Aubrey soundly taking Hero’s bed out of courtesy. It left Basil and Sunny sharing Kel’s bed, both pressed up against each other as to avoid falling off the bed. It wasn’t too unnatural, Sunny can only assume their early years of sharing beds had made the twining of limbs a habit.
But Sunny… wasn’t as comfortable as he thought he’d be.
The years of sleeping by his lonesome had made his body used to the empty cold and stifling silence, with nothing to accompany his long naps but a blanket and the occasional presence of Mewo. Though, those seemed few and far between given the fact that she mostly stayed with Dad through the day.
It was an empty and dead existence for a while, like everything else in his life and mind at the time. He remembers the permanent dent in his mattress from all the times he’d curl up, or the fading of life in the house’s plants from the lack of care they were receiving. By all accounts, he wasn’t too different from those plants. He should have rotted away with them, but then again- the human body is well-praised for its ability to adapt.
But now, surrounded by his friend’s soft and loud snores, by their rising and falling chests and soft presses of skin to skin- he felt uncomfortably hot and fiery. The blanket felt heavy against his arms and legs, trapping a scorching heat against his thin body. The room’s air was hot and stifling, full of company and foreign contact that weighed on his lungs. He felt tenderly constricted. Uncomfortable and heavy like lead.
He needed to leave.
The ravenette unwinded himself from Basil’s grip as the blonde mumbled something incoherent, before resuming his hushed snores. Carefully making his way down the house, he found the menacing presence of an awaiting Hector sitting at the bottom of the stairwell. Sunny gulped uncomfortably, unnerved at the derpy-blank smile the dog sported as it stared at him.
Overcome with the prospect of the dog barking or alerting the rest of the house awake, he bought the dog's loyalty with a large dog bone he quietly fished out of the kitchen’s open closet.
Even if they were separated by species, it turned out bribing was a skill that transcended animal kingdoms.
Huh, who could have guessed.
Sunny left the front door slightly ajar as he exited the house, a small sliver of space left between the doorway. It wasn’t like he was planning on staying outside for too long. Even when his body felt like it had been shoveled with burning coal, the biting cold of the Faraway night was already nipping at his heels. He shivered uncomfortably as a gust of wind passed through the yard and trees, rustling the leaves overhead.
It was refreshing though, and Sunny allowed himself to sink to the ground and sit on the porch steps.
The greenery surrounding the house and street were painted in the deepest of blues and only changed in hues under streetlights. The cicadas seemed like they were all singing just a few feet away from him, like they all edged themselves only a slightly bit closer to him now that they had an audience to hear their song.
His silent break was broken with the small creak of the door behind him. Sunny turned his head so hard, a flash of pain coursed through him thanks to the whiplash. There, peeking outside the door, was a disheveled Hero. His hair was sticking up in different directions, and his glasses were nowhere in sight. Still, he seemed to have little trouble spotting him.
“Hi Sunny,” he greeted tiredly, rubbing at one of his eyes. His voice was croaked and small, like he had just woken up, “Mind telling me what you’re doing out here?”
“Sitting,” he said simply, pulling his knees up to his chin, “It was too hot,” he explained further.
The tall brunette hummed in understanding, groaning as he bent down and took a seat beside him. Sunny couldn’t really make out Hero’s darkened features thanks to the lack of light, so he simply stared at his shoes. “Too hot?” Hero questioned, “I can turn down the thermostat if you want,”.
“It’s fine,” he dismissed in a hushed tone, “I get cold even more easily, I just needed a minute,” or two… or five. Enough so that he’s not so weirdly freaked out or not dying of hypothermia.
Hero hummed lightly, “Alright. If you say so.”
The silence between them stretched on, letting the nightly critters resume their orchestra. Even so, he couldn’t help but shift awkwardly thanks to the additional presence. Don’t get it mixed up- by no means does Sunny despise Hero’s company. Hero’s inherent kind nature and empathy seems to give him the supernatural ability to be able to tell when a person is hurting- and the perfect remedy for it. By no means can he match Basil’s company (Likely no one ever will, no one really gets him as well as he does), but by all accounts he should be the second most desirable friend to hang around.
But-
But…
…He can’t help but worry.
Everything’s been fine with Hero so far… but what if the older brunette is just acting? Hero’s likely the most responsible young adult out there, so he’s surely mature enough to act the part for him. Sunny knows he’s not the brightest kid out there ( being held back for more than four academic years can do that to a guy ), but he’s not clueless enough to feign ignorance to Hero’s slightly tilted nature around him.
Like he’s tip-toeing around him, waiting for the moment that he explodes like a time bomb.
‘Hypocrite’ Is his immediate thought. Sunny -believing that everything really was okay now- had been guilty of doing the exact same thing. Although, it’s probably less jarring to anyone else since it’s coming from him.
Always staring at the ground… hushed tone and all…
He doesn’t want to mess this up though. Even if it isn’t the full friendship he wanted now that he’s better, who is he to ask for more? He’s lucky enough to have been treated so well by his friends, even if their interactions can vary from scathingly uncaring for his inner struggles or handling him with a double-layered set of gloves.
To amount to nothing after all this time… and to ask for more when you do nothing…
He’s been slacking, hasn’t he? Sunny’s supposed to clean up after himself now that he’s here. But he’s just letting himself be carried away by the next ocean current his friends show him. Instead of addressing anything, he’s been cowering on the inside like some helpless creature.
You bend so easily, you’ve done nothing to help anyone.
In terms of bending to others' will, he’s the human equivalent of wet cardboard. So much for being a leader.
Maybe this was a bad idea. Can’t you just call Mom and call in sick? Or tell her the truth, it’s not too late to back out-
Sunny finds himself grimacing at the particularly bad thought. He’s used to his constant personal scathing criticism and thoughts, but they’re not too hard to filter out immediately. They wouldn’t be the first foreign voices in his head that he’s had to deal with, after all.
But the thought of running away now seems to constantly nag at him. ‘Fight or flight’ his therapist had called it. She’d said his body was used to automatically choosing flight.
Sunny doesn’t like the explanation though. He can’t fly, it makes it sound like he’s some bird. ‘But he’s already wet cardboard, isn’t he? If he were both, what would he call himself? Wet bird… made out of cardboard? Cardboard wet bird…’
“Hero… am I wet cardboard or a bird?” he asks suddenly, unable to keep his thoughts in check once again. He knows the question makes no sense, but somehow he hopes that Hero can somehow understand his plight and give him an answer. Or maybe the early symptoms of hypothermia have already set it, who knows?
“I… what?” Hero -rightfully- looks a little dumbfounded. His expression is hidden mostly in darkness, but the stumped expression on his face would have been a little endearing.
“Personality wise-” Sunny explains, “-do you think I'm more like a bird or like wet cardboard?” He just repeats the question, because he hopes that Hero will assume what he can now that he’s confirmed the question and indulge his 3 AM conversation topics -or that the overstimulation had made him a little delirious.
Luckily, the latter wins. “Well-” Hero looks thoughtful in the dark, as if the question needs proper contemplation, “Can you describe each to me?”
The ravenette nods, “Wet cardboard is a mood killer. No one really wants cardboard around as it is, but wet cardboard is even worse. It’s nasty and breaks apart easily,” the words are a little self-deprecating, but Sunny doesn’t really feel anything different as he says it, “And a bird flies away from everything. They do what they want without caring how anyone else feels. But… maybe I’m both.”
Hero remains silent after that, before sighing deeply, “-I wouldn’t use either word to describe you, I think.” Hero reason’s easily, “They’re too shallow, and neither describes you at all, Plus, I think you’re a little hard on yourself. You can’t really think either describes you, do you?”
Sunny knows Hero can’t see him all too well, but he still sheepishly looks away from the older boy.
He… doesn’t really know who he is though.
Upsetting thoughts tell him what he is, how he feels sometimes.
Other voices say things too, but he doesn’t think those count fully.
Where Sunny stops and where everything else begins is a mystery.
There are days where he knows himself fully, where he goes to the Art Gallery to receive compliments for his own artwork and where his mom makes time and takes them both out on a special dinner once a week. He can breathe easy then, playing with Mewo, talking with neighbors, walking and acting like everyone else expects him to.
But other days where he doesn’t feel like himself at all. Where it feels like his insides were swapped inside-out and someone stuffed his body with cotton and heavy water. He’s likely bedridden those days, not finding it in himself to face the monotony of the upcoming day.
His whole body hurts and aches, and he catches himself crying out for Mari in pathetic cries- like he’s suddenly thirteen again and still in early denial. It makes him feel weak in a way he wasn’t aware he could feel.
Mewo’s a good girl, and she sticks by his bedside on those days. Granted, he hasn’t had a terribly awful one in awhile, but that point is null.
"I guess not," Sunny admits, because that's the best answer he can give the expectant boy. "Sometimes I... just can't help but think that none of you want me here," he says, and for once, it's the truth. The way he naturally fell silent in conversation was fine by Sunny, but what about the others? Did they find him boring for it?
Hero's brows pinched, "Well, I hope you have enough sense to know that that's just not true Sunny. "
Now it was Sunny's turn to frown, "But-"
"Would Kel have bothered to talk to you every week if he didn't want to speak to you?"
"Well... not, but-"
"Would Aubrey have insisted on all of us tagging along with her friends if she didn't know you were coming? Would Basil have let you stay at his house if he didn't want you there?"
Sunny sighed, feeling defeated, "Point taken..." he mumbled.
Hero grinned brightly, "Glad you took it, maybe we should go back inside soon. I think my feet are starting to blister," he rose to his feet, grunting with the effort. With that, he offered Sunny his open palm.
As Sunny took his hand and rose to his feet, Hero didn’t let go of his hand, “Hey Sunny,” the brunette voiced, shifting his feet sheepishly, “I… I’m sorry. For the way I acted back in the hospital.” he voiced, and Sunny’s mouth suddenly felt dry, “I know it’s been awhile and apologizing now can’t do much but… I just wanted to make it clear. I wasn’t thinking clearly but… that doesn’t excuse what I said,” his voice was hushed to match the night, and Sunny was left stumped.
“You didn’t deserve what I… what we…” he sighed in frustration at his own vocal short-coming, “You were scared and I just made it worse.” he lamented.
“I-It’s okay! I forgive you!” Sunny voiced suddenly with a panicked sheepish smile. Stop talking about this, it was nothing, you did nothing wrong Hero stop talking- “-If anything, it was my fault.” his hand shook violently, “I admitted to killing your own girlfriend Hero, I think you were plenty justified-”
“ Don’t say that. ” Hero demanded, and Sunny all but froze in-place. Even though he couldn’t see Hero’s face too well, he could hear the bubbling stern anger in his tone. “Don’t say it like you did it on purpose, you were just a kid.” he almost hisses, “And sure I was angry, but that doesn’t justify the things I said to you, the way I treated you. Sunny, you had just gotten your eye gouged out. ” he highlighted with a twisted frown, sighing as he messily ran a hand through his hair.
After regaining his composure a bit, he silently resumed, “I can still remember, you know.” the brunette admitted softened, “When you were talking about what happened that night, your eyes just looked… so hollow. Like you were there, reliving everything over and over. And maybe you really were.” He leaned back, refusing to make eye contact with the boy beside him. “No kid should have to look like that.” he mumbled.
Hero inhaled slowly then exhaled, “I only understood it after. What it must’ve been like.” he explained slowly, “When the anger eventually stopped, I just felt… lost. I didn’t get it, I couldn’t understand. So… I tried to.”
“For the first time since you explained what happened to Mari to me, I put myself in your shoes. What I would’ve done if Mari was Kel,” he sighed, like the effort made him tired on it’s own, “And while I can’t pretend I would’ve done everything you guys did, it put it in enough perspective for me. I hadn’t taken the liberty of understanding you until it was too late.” he grinned a small smile at him, “I asked Kel for your number the very same day.”
After that, the college student’s rambling stopped, leaving Sunny shocked and mulling over his words. While he had questioned why the brunette seemed suddenly friendly when they rejuvenated contact, he never managed the courage to ask what had caused such a change in attitude. He could only vaguely assume explanations, but hearing it himself…
Sunny couldn’t fight against the wave of relief that washed over him.
“Sunny?” Hero asked suddenly, voice suddenly a lot softer, “ Are you okay? ”
The ravenette figuratively tripped over himself at the sudden question. While not exactly understanding what the boy meant, he distantly nodded. “I think so,” he mumbled. He was fine, a little worse for wear as far as he could tell. Still mostly fine.
Still mostly human.
Hero rapidly nodded back, “That’s good, That’s good. I’m glad. I uh…” he paused suddenly, looking away as if rethinking something, “This might be a weird thing to ask but… you’ve never… hurt yourself, right?”
Sunny stilled at the question.
No, he’s never hurt himself. His skin is pasty cream all over, no extra curricular activity to threaten his skin with a scuff or purple bruise. The occasional bump or the anxious picking of skin being the worst his body has physically suffered in recent years. Not to mention that tube that was stuck in his arm for a full year to get nutrients into it, but that scar had long faded.
But… ignoring the elephant in the room didn't bode well with him either.
Kate has never heard the entirety of Headspace, those memories and adventures belonged to him and his sketchbooks only. He knew they weren’t real but… they were special in a way. It’s what kept him facing the day to day hell his life had been. They were worth something, that much at least.
She did hear about White Space. He figured that’s the type of thing therapists usually want to hear, the ‘big problem’ directly. She asked why he thought it had existed in his mind, and he reasoned it was the overbearing self-hatred for himself. It made sense, right? And that was what she probably wanted to hear anyway. It was a half-truth, but it served its purpose.
Though what surprised him the most was when he attempted to dismiss its effect, she came to disagree.
'Feelings of total nothingness are usually reactions created by the human body for self preservation’ she’d said, ‘It’s often a consequence of a traumatic event. Scars don’t always have to be physical Sunny, they can be mental as well. Think about that for me.’
“Never hurt myself”...?
…
‘Never’ is… a strong word.
“I have.” Sunny admitted simply, voice hushed to a low whisper. He could have denied it, but that doesn’t feel like the truth either. He tightens his hold around his knees and he doesn’t dare look at Hero. “Not anymore,” the boy refrains from explaining further, letting the cicadas finish whatever explanation Hero was searching for.
Hero gulps rawly and nods again, as if the short statement was explanation enough, “Yeah.” he mumbled softly, clearing his throat, “Should have expected as much. But uh… don’t do it anymore, okay? I-I know you said you just didn’t but… I know it’s not an easy thing to let go of. Just… ” he sighed, this time much more peacefully, “-if you ever ever have trouble, don’t be scared to tell me, okay? I care about you a lot, and I don’t want you to suffer alone.”
Sunny nods, but he already knows he probably won’t. He already has Kate for that, and she’s already helped a lot. Plus- Hero definitely seems stressed. If everything he’d said about his medical school was true, then it already sounded like his plate was full. And who was he to shove half his food onto his plate?
»»————❖————««
Sunny stretched drowsily as he sat at the family’s table, a full plate of freshly-made sunny-side up eggs and crispy bacon sitting in front of him. The sound of sizzling and the scent of butter filled the house’s first floor. Kel and Aubrey were already enjoying their full plates of food while Hero and Basil were finishing up cooking in the room over.
Kel was- as expected- vehemently shoveling down an alternating stack of toast and eggs, fully engrossing himself into the dish as if the world would explode if he stopped. Aubrey, while a little more reserved, didn’t seem much better as she dug into her own plate. Hector roamed around like a shark under the table, waiting to see if any food would fall in the two adult’s collateral.
Looks like Hero’s cooking could still make a fully-fed man seem starved.
The day was nice, light streaming in from drawn windows and birds chirping a new song. He could hear Hero’s small kitchen radio play a grainy yet pleasing tune as he overheard the clanking of pots and pans, along with the laughter of the two. There was a buzz of silent excitement for the day, the promise of the Spring Carnival hanging in the air tightly.
The day felt perfect and while a little more reserved than the other two, he dug into the runny eggs and bacon laid across his plate. Who knew Basil could cook so well? Hero had to have been giving him personal lessons or something. Hero and Basil crept out of the kitchen a minute later, both sporting matching aprons as they set the final plates on the table.
“Hey, you guys could have waited for us before starting!” Basil cried, though his smile made it clear that the blonde wasn’t actually upset. He sat down beside Kel and Hero, while still sitting in front of Sunny.
Kel gaped at him, as if Basil had asked him if he tossed a puppy in the river, “ Noh Whay! ” he swallowed, crumbs falling off his cheeks, “Who do you think I am? You put a freshly baked meal in front of a starving man- what was I supposed to do?”
Hero raised an eyebrow at him, “Didn’t you eat two full party-sized bags of chips at one in the morning?”
Kel waved his hand around dismissively, “Yeah yeah- but those passed right through me! I have the appetite of a real professional basketball player, so I’m always starving!”
The group laughed before divulging into friendly chatter, the clanking of forks and knives against ceramic plates filled the warm air. Since the group was taking up the table, Kel’s parent’s and Sally volunteered to eat in the living room while they watched some TV. A new rerun show of Sweetheart was playing, and he could hear Sally’s giddy laughter from the other end of the house.
Sunny can’t remember the last time he’d woken up to such a crowded house, nor the last time he’d eaten with so many other people. He could consider Mewo as an eating companion, but he has a feeling she didn’t count either ( she was nice company though ). It was blissfully domestic, just like it had been when they were all still kids. Like the approaching future and responsibilities meant nothing at that very moment, and only his group was the only thing that mattered. Like the Earth stopped rotating just for them.
That’s why, after a particularly hearty laugh from Kel and a disgruntled comment from Basil, he nearly choked on his food and loudly clattered his fork against the plate as he looked down to see a pair of bleak, dark and lifeless pair of lifeless eyes gazing at him from under the table.
“-Oh crud, you okay dude?” Kel asked with a raised eyebrow, eyeing the boy as he had a coughing-fit across the table. Aubrey gazed at him silently as the ravenette tried to dismiss the group’s sudden attention on him.
“M’ fine, It just went down the uh, wrong pipe,” he said slowly, downing his glass of orange juice. When he glanced back down, Sunny saw Hector standing where the eyes were, happily sniffing up at him as he wagged his tail. He was probably waiting to see if he could spare him any more food, like he had last night. He cleared his throat one last time.
“That sucks, you want me to get you some more orange juice?” Hero suggested lightly, seeming to already be getting up from his chair.
Sunny cut him off, “ -Uh! T-that’s fine. I think… I think I’m gonna go use the bathroom though.” he urged slightly. Not waiting for a response, he pushed his plate forward against the table cloth and stood up, chair screeching under him, “Thanks for the food.” he mumbled, before quickly making his way outside of the dining room.
The loud stream of conversation continued again as Sunny approached the stairwell, taking a small breath of relief. He got so caught up in the light mood of the group that he nearly missed the fact that his medication still needed to be taken. The wooden stairs were cold against his bare feet as he approached the slightly darker part of the house, the lively dialogue of his friends resuming in a muffled filter against the bathroom door.
Sunny removed his eyepatch and washed his face with cold water, before drying himself off with a folded hand towel and settling the patch back in its place. As he fished for the mint canister in his back pocket, he was surprised to retrieve his hand with nothing.
He furrowed his eyebrows, before fishing in his front pockets. Had he left it at Basil’s house? No, that’s not possible, he remembers feeling it in his bag the other night. His search grew more frustrated as he remained empty-handed. Where was it-
“Looking for something?”
The sudden voice almost made him jump a whole foot in the air, quickly glancing behind himself and meeting the eyes of-
Oh.
There he spotted Aubrey’s hardened eyes on him as she stood in the doorway- expression focused and frighteningly unreadable. There, clutched tightly between her index finger and thumb, as a small tin mint canister with a single lily of the valley painted on it.
The atmosphere suddenly took a turn towards stifling and silent, distant laughing and yelling paired with the bathroom's buzzing light being the only thing audible between the two. With the tall pinkette blocking the only entryway and exit, Sunny suddenly felt cornered by an apex predator. His breath caught painfully against his throat.
Sunny’s hands shook violently, and this time it most definitely wasn’t the medication.
“Saw it poking out of your bag last night when you went to use the bathroom. You should keep a better eye on your things.”
“ Aubrey- ”
“Stop.” she flatly demanded, moving forward and closing the door behind her, “You better appreciate the fact that I’m not vile enough to do this in front of everyone else.”
He exhaled shakily, trying again, “Aubrey, please- ”
“Shut up.”
Sunny shuts his mouth with a snap.
A few eternity-lasting seconds passed as neither did anything, before Aubrey slowly inhaled and shut her eyes, “Sunny,” she began, practically pinning him in place with her eyes, “You are one of my best friends. I don’t know if you believe that or not, but it’s the damn truth.”
“I’ve always felt like I can tell you anything, and that you’d listen.” she glanced away, a small knowing smile splayed on her face, “I never realized how much I really cherished you until you showed up in Kel’s living room. I was… so mad. That you left and just… barely engaged with us. Like it was some chore for you.”
Sunny gulped, throat raw with the effort.
She looked back at him, “But I was also so damn relieved. So… happy. That you really did care for us and that you came back. You didn’t look like a completely different person, and you seemed happy to be here.”
“Even now, it feels like you’re the only one of us who never really changed. Kel’s gotten more unfiltered, Basil’s all college-crazy now, and Hero’s all business, no fun.” she chuckled, but Sunny could practically feel the suppressed emotions swimming in the girl's tone.
“But you’ve always been so… soft. So damn soft, it pisses me off. When we were eight years old, you fucking cried when you accidentally broke Mari’s nail polish, and you spent all your allowance getting her a new set. You remember that, right?” she pleaded, voice quivering as if she was on the verge of crying. Despite the overwhelming confusion as to why Aubrey was even bringing this up , all Sunny could manage was a slight nod.
The sadness in her voice suddenly switched to scorching anger, “So then tell,” she gritted painfully, “Why the actual fuck are you taking drugs behind our backs?” she hissed.
…
Oh.
Oh my god,
Aubrey couldn’t actually-
He gaped, mouth open like a fish, “Aubrey, that’s not-”
She snapped, “Not what? ‘Not what it looks like?’ Sunny I’m not a fucking idiot, don’t play dumb with me. I’ve seen what drugs look like, my own mother takes shit like this on the regular. What is it, hm? Ecstasy? Maybe LSD? ”
His stomach churned, the food he just ate threatening to come back up, “Aubrey, listen to me-”
The words seem to spark renewed fury in her, “No, no you listen to me. ” she demanded, spitting vile as she pointed at herself, “I’m so not letting you deny this. I’m not gonna just stand around while you slowly let this shit eat away at you. I’ve seen what this shit does to people, Sunny. What drug addictions do to the people you love. It consumes every waking moment of your life. I-” she bit her tongue, frustratingly scrunching her eyes to prevent tears from spilling over, “ -I’m not letting it take anyone else. No one else, and especially not you, okay?! ”
The silence rolled in again after that bombshell, and Sunny stood there dumbstruck. He wanted to explain his pills away so badly, but he’s sure Aubrey wouldn’t believe him now. She’d think I was just trying to make some excuse, it’s like she convinced herself already.
All his previous attempts weren’t heard. Clearing his name now didn’t look like an option.
Seconds passed in silence before she exhaled painfully, “I thought… out of everyone, you would be the last one to get into this shit. You were always so kind, it feels like just yesterday we were just dumb kids, and you kept me company under that big playground cat statue.” She chuckled stiffly, sniffling at the memory.
“ What happened? ” Aubrey pleaded, stepping forward and holding out her hand in front of him. Out of natural instinct, he twined his fingers into hers. “ Please just… did you meet someone bad? You never seemed like the type to hang out with the bad kids. That’s my thing,” she laughed wryly, but it also sounded full of despair.
Sunny felt too tired to respond, all he could manage was looking at her pleadingly. The pinkette gazed at him with equal exhaustion, before letting herself lean on him. She was taller, so it was more like she pulled him in and made him lean against her shoulder. The pinkette was warm, probably from the rush of blood thanks to all the emotions rapidly passing through her.
After a few seconds, she pulled herself from him and gazed down at the canister. She flipped open the lid and found a handful of small white pills. He overpacked, putting in much more than he needed for the short trip in the fray of packing.
“How about this,” she suggested, previous sadness hidden away, “I throw these away, whether you like it or not , and I don’t tell anyone else about what happened.” she sniffed.
Sunny’s single eye widened, suddenly hit with a violent wave of panic. She can’t do that-
Those were his only set he brought- he didn’t have any back up.
Without them he’ll-
Oh god…
He found his voice again, reaching a hand out, “ Aubrey please- ”
Aubrey sighed disappointedly, but her gaze was full of some sick mix of determination and sympathy, “ Sunny, ” she echoed sternly, “I love you. I love you so much, but I can’t trust you right now.” she reached a hand out, rubbing it on his shoulder. “I know you don’t like it, but this is for your own good. I need you to trust me on this one.”
Even though Sunny knew full well what his pills were for, Aubrey’s sudden soft and motherly tone made his panic falter over. She seemed so uncharacteristically sad, practically pleading with him, and it made him want to let her do as she pleased. He’d never seen her so exposed so up close, and her undeniable concern for him made him want to soothe her worries in any way he could. He hated worrying everyone around him.
Without realizing, Sunny dazedly stopped grabbing for the canister, letting his arm fall limply beside himself. Aubrey smiled appreciatively slightly, and brought her nose to rest right on top of his head. She twines her hand into his thin black strands of hair, and Sunny practically melted into the embrace.
He wrapped his arms around her lower back and let his shoulders shake violently. He can’t remember the last time he had been embraced so softly, so warmly. This hug was nothing at all like Aubrey’s first one, one that was full of eagerness and clumsiness. It was full of unadulterated softness and love, two things Sunny never took for granted but, at the same time, felt like he did little to deserve. He wanted to indulge in it though, even if it was selfish of him.
Eventually, his soft sniffling and shaking shoulders ceased. Aubrey peeled herself away from him and let him rub a sleeve over his face. “You okay now?”
Sunny sniffed one last time before nodding, gluing his eyes to the tiled floor. God, he probably looked so pathetic, eyes red and puffy with his hair disheveled while he cried on a girl. Yeah, “ A real lady’s man ” as Basil had once said.
“Okay, I’m gonna throw these away now.” She said slowly and softly, like he was a scared cat she was trying to beckon, “Can you watch?” Sunny numbly felt like shrugging, but willed himself to nod. It already felt like he’d lost whatever mental struggle they had just had, might as well try to reassure her that he was still there.
Aubrey squeezed his hand one last time before releasing it, then made her way past him and towards the toilet. All Sunny could do was watch sorrowfully as Aubrey opened the toilet and let the handful of pills plop into the water unceremoniously. When the last tablet fell, the pinkette reached over and pushed down the toilet’s handle. The water’s vortex dragged away all the pills and resurfaced to a new batch of clean water. Sunny blinked at it as he felt his hands stiffen with the room’s coldness. The room’s stuffy air made him sag, as if he were filled with bags of sand.
“Better?” Aubrey questioned silently, streaming sun rays making her hair glow.
“ Better, ” he managed, and Sunny can't help but feel rather numb as he stared at the empty toilet bowl.
»»————❖————««