Chapter Text
The two weeks back with Phil are awkward, tense in a way none of them can explain. Phil is giving them all space, letting the boys do as they please while he cooks and cleans and avoids. Meanwhile Tommy is sticking to each of the members of the household like a lost puppy, he spends every night curled up in-between his brothers as nightmares attack from all sides. Technoblade and Wilbur have been taking shifts staying up with Tommy while the other gets some much needed rest. During the day Tommy follows whoever he can around the house, usually with his hand curled into the fabric of their shirts. He doesn’t talk, doesn’t really sign, hardly ever responds to much of anything. It’s as though the youngest is living in a sort of haze.
It’s a silent rule in the house now, to never let Tommy be alone, a silent rule to make sure you hand him off to someone else before you go. For two weeks the members of the Craft household live by this rule, they live with the overwhelming silence, with the fear that things will never change. With the fear that they’ll spend the rest of forever like this, taking shifts with the youngest member of the household because whatever horrors he saw going back to that house, back to the house they ran from, were so horrible that they stole his voice, just like they had stolen Wilbur’s. Then, suddenly on a seemingly normal Tuesday afternoon everything changes. Phil had made pancakes with blueberries and bacon that morning before promptly disappearing upstairs and then Technoblade had finished his meal and disappeared into the spare bedroom before Wilbur could get up from the table, leaving his twin to deal with Tommy. It’s not that Technoblade doesn’t love his youngest brother, he does more than anything, but some days it's harder to be around Tommy than it is to simply ignore him, some days it’s too difficult to sit in silence. To sit and think about all of the ways Techno couldn’t protect Tommy and all of the ways he wishes he could have, some days ignoring Tommy is easier than feeling the guilt of being around Tommy.
Technoblade remembers the breakdown he had when Wilbur lost his voice, remembers the fear and anger and guilt. Techno remembers slamming his fist into that cold stone wall, screaming as Wilbur sat silent, tears streaming down both of their faces. He doesn’t want to go through that again. He just can’t look his baby brother in the eye and beg him to speak again when deep down he has no hope to ever hear either of his brother's voices again. Technoblade after all of these years of constant disappointments and broken promises knows better than to hope for the impossible, because hope, when given the opportunity, kills. It's around 5pm when it happens, Wilbur is walking up the steps with Tommy in tow while Technoblade and Phil speak in the hallway about the possibility of going out for lunch instead of eating in. Wilbur makes his way over to his new guardian and older brother and the purple black under his eyes is more than enough to tell everyone just how exhausted the boy is. Will stops in front of the pair, vaguely gesturing for Tommy to go to Technoblade and this is where things go wrong.
Tommy, with one hand still curled in Wilbur’s gray sweater takes a step towards Technoblade, hand reaching out to grab a hold of his brother’s black jumper and then just before he can grab a hold of his big brother Technoblade steps back. There’s a moment of intense silence, a moment of confusion and uncertainty, Tommy reaches out again for Technoblade but when the other once again moves away Tommy shifts, moving back to hide behind Wilbur.
Wilbur immediately glares at his twin, “Tech I’ve been with him all day, just take him for a minute.” Wilbur signs.
“No.” Techno replies simply, there’s no anger in his tone, more like a tired sadness.
“No? No? Technoblade I’ve been with him all day and I’ve stayed up with him all night, I just need moment to-”
“He’s not a baby Will, he can walk around without being attached to us, go take a nap he’ll be fine without you.”
There’s shock clearly written on Wilbur’s face, discomfort written all over Phil’s, Tommy curls closer to Wilbur.
“Mate-” Phil says, “-I can take him.”
Technoblade huffs, completely ignoring the man. “Tommy doesn’t need to be clinging to us every second of every day, he can handle being on his own. If we keep babying him like this he’ll never be able to let us go. What is he going to do when school starts? Follow us to every class? Hold our hands while we walk through the halls? People are going to think he’s fucking stupid.”
“He’s in pain!” Wilbur signs, looking more and more upset with each passing second. “He’s in pain and he’s scared, I know what it’s like, you can’t just-It’s not fair to just-”
“I love him Will, I love you both and that’s why I’m telling you that Tommy needs to let go. He needs to be able to walk around on his own, he needs to deal with this instead of hiding behind us. If he doesn’t want to talk anymore, fine. But I won’t let him walk around afraid of his own shadow.” Technoblade shifts suddenly, stepping around Wilbur pulling on his twins’ arm to keep him still when he tries to step away. Then Techno grabs a hold of Tommy, gently ripping the boys’ hands away from their brother’s sweater. Tommy’s hands shake in his own, the boy grips tightly to Technoblade, wide eyes staring up in unsure fear at the person who's always only ever protected him.“You’re safe now Tommy. You’ve been safe for a while now. First with Puffy and now with us, okay? We’re staying with Phil, permanently.” Technoblade isn’t sure if he’s telling the truth but he hopes he is. It’s not like they’re adopted or anything, Phil could send them back if he wanted to, Technoblade takes a calming breath at the thought. “I’m going to let go and you’ll still be here, okay? I’m going to let go of your hands and nothing bad is going to happen.”
Technoblade has to pry his hands from Tommy’s whose eyes have filled with tears, he’s already on the verge of a panic attack by the time Techno is able to get Tommy to let go of him, stepping back quickly. Tommy reaches out blindly for the comfort he’s grown so used to over the past two weeks and as Wilbur reaches out Technoblade grabs him, pulling his twin away from their baby brother.
“Tommy you’re okay, you’re safe.” Techno calls, unwavering as Wilbur tries to pull away.
Tommy doesn’t seem to hear him as the child stumbles back until his back has hit the wall and then he slides down the cold white wall until he hits the ground, immediately curling up into a ball as silent sobs wrack his body. Phil is at his side in an instant, pulling the boy into his lap, arms holding him tightly, Tommy gasps, coughing as he chokes on shattered breaths and broken tears, his hands curl into Phil’s shirt.
“I know you’re upset,” Phil begins, running his fingers through Tommy’s golden hair as he looks up to Technoblade. “But hurting your brother isn’t going to make him feel any better, it won’t- it won’t change anything.” When all Phil gets in return from the twins is silence he sighs. “Go to your room, both of you. Work this out. I’ll take care of Tommy.”
It takes everything Wilbur has to not slam the door as he and Technoblade walk into the spare bedroom, or rather their room, not that they’ve spent much time in it. Will glares at Techno’s back as he steps further into the room. Wilbur grabs a hold of his arm, attempting to turn Techno so that he can sign to his twin but Techno easily shoves him away.
“Fuck off Will I know I messed up. I don’t want to hear it” Techno snaps, moving over to one of two desks in the room he sits down before laying his head on the desk, sighing as he squeezes his eyes shut until there’s little white dots swimming in the black void behind his eyes.
Wilbur huffs, shoving at his brother's arm to gain his attention and when that doesn’t work Wilbur begins to pace, running his shaking hands through his curls and for the first time in a long time his hands are shaking out of anger instead of fear. Wilbur pauses when he spots a half empty bottle of water sitting on top of one of the dressers near the door and in the silence Wilbur can hear Phil comforting Tommy in the hall. Suddenly Wilbur feels a wave of pure anger crash over him, he sees red, his jaw clenches to the point where it hurts and without thinking Wilbur grabs a hold of the water bottle and turns quickly, chucking it full force at Technoblades head, and as the water bottle breaks, dumping water all over Technoblade, who immediately stands, whipping around to glare at Wilbur, and the surrounding area, Wilbur yells.
“Dammit Technoblade, Listen to me!” The yelling comes out as nothing more than a horse whisper and it’s immediately followed by a sharp gasp from Techno and a whine from Wilbur, there’s a moment's pause where the twins simply stare at each other and then suddenly Wilbur is falling to his knees and Techno is crossing the room, hitting his knees as he pulls his twin into his arms.
Wilbur’s breathing has gone from angry quick breaths to panicked gasps, his anger completely faded away to fear as his shaking hands claw at Techno’s arms which hold him tightly to Techno’s chest.
“No-Sorry-sorry…. Sorry.. Sorry… no.. please, I’m sorry-”
“Will, Wilbur.” Techno speaks, caught between the joy of hearing his brother speak for the first time in years and the horrible feeling he has for pushing his brother to this point, water drips from Technoblades hair as he gently begins to rock himself and Wilbur back and forth. “You’re safe, It’s okay, everything is okay, we’re okay, I promise, you’re safe, I promise you’re safe, you can talk Will. You can talk and no one will hurt you. I swear on my life no one will hurt you.”
Wilbur gags choking on a sob before he buries his face into Techno’s neck. Neither twin knows how long they sit there, it takes a long while for Wilbur to calm down but even after his hands stop shaking neither boy moves, they stay curled up on the floor. Phil’s voice disappeared from the hallway a while ago and the sun has almost completely disappeared from the sky by the time Wilbur gains the energy to move, completely exhausted.
“Can we talk about this later, please?” Wilbur signs and Techno nods, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
“Sure, we’ll talk about it later, let's go get some food, I think Phil cooked something.” Techno stands, pulling Wilbur up with him, Techno takes a deep breath as he helps Wilbur steady himself when he stumbles a bit. “We’ll talk about Tommy later too but I just- I need you to know that I love both of you okay?”
Wilbur nods, taking a deep breath of his own. “Okay”
The next few days are awkward and tense, Phil is obviously avoiding asking what happened between the twins and Tommy is completely avoiding Technoblade. Even when both Phil and Wilbur aren't around Tommy decides to curl up in his bed, hiding under the covers instead of being with Technoblade, who sits at the door to Tommy’s room, telling stories of their childhood in hopes of helping his younger brother stay calm. Techno and Wilbur don’t talk about what happened and not for a lack of trying on Techno’s part. But every time Techno brings up Wilbur speaking the other quickly changes the topic.
Techno has had enough of it all on Saturday evening, when he walks into the kitchen to find Phil staring blankly into the open fridge. Techno sits at the kitchen island and says “You can’t keep doing this. You won’t. You’ll get sick of us soon enough with the way things are going, you’ll send us back.”
Phil sighs, closing the fridge before he moves to sit at the kitchen island across from Technoblade. “I won’t, send you back that is. But you’re right, we can’t keep going on like this.” Phil runs his fingers through his hair with a sigh, his leg bouncing under the table.
“Phil-”
“Puffy and I talked, when I first got you all back home, she said she’d give me the number of a few therapists nearby for you lot if I was ever interested, I’m going to call on Monday and see if I can book an appointment for Tommy with any of them.”
“Tommy won’t go sit in a room alone with a random stranger and tell them all about his life, he doesn't even want to be alone with me.” It pains Technoblade to admit it aloud but it’s true. He might have been right, in his want for Tommy to stop clinging to them like he might die if he doesn’t but he’ll admit that he went about it the wrong way. Technoblade remembers how clingy Wilbur was when they ran, he remembers the sleepless nights that followed for months after. Maybe it isn’t fair to Tommy, for Techno to expect him to react any differently. Considering the fact that he was alone in that house and alone for far too long after.
“The therapist should allow you and Wilbur to be in the room with Tommy during sessions, depending on what Tommy wants.” There's a pause in which Phil seems to be considering something before he says, “You know mate it would encourage Tommy to go to therapy if he saw you and Wilbur doing the same-”
“No.” Techno’s voice is sharp as he replies.
“Techno I really think it could help, after everything you’ve been through-”
“I’m not crazy.”
“I didn’t say you were, going to therapy doesn’t mean you’re crazy it just means you’ve been through a lot, mate. Having someone to talk about your past with-” Technoblade stands, obviously done with the conversation. “Technoblade, at least consider it please? I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do but I really think this could help… If it makes you feel any better I’ll be asking Wilbur if he’ll consider going and I’ll be finding a therapist for myself as well as Tommy.”
There’s a moment of silence, in which Technoblade’s back is turned to Phil before he says “If Wilbur and Tommy want to go then they should and if they want me to go sit with them I will. But I’m not going to therapy and that’s final Phil. So don’t ask again.”
“You’re being stubborn.” Wilbur signs on Sunday night, it’s just after dinner and Phil and Tommy are downstairs watching Moana while Wilbur and Techno sit in their room, each on their own beds facing each other. Wilbur with his guitar sitting carefully on the bed next to him and Techno with an open book thrown to the side on his.
Techno raises an eyebrow. “Oh? How am I being stubborn?”
“Phil talked to me about going to therapy, Tommy too. We both said yes. Phil told me you said no.”
“I’m being stubborn because I don’t want to talk to a stranger about my life? Will if you and Tommy want to see a therapist then I’ll support you but I’m not doing it.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to.”
Wilbur rolls his eyes, throwing a pillow at Technoblade which he easily catches. “You need to, we all do.”
“I’m not crazy Wilbur.” Techno snaps, throwing the pillow back, Wilbur easily doges the pillow letting it hit the wall and then bounce off of the bed onto the floor.
“You’re saying that Tommy and I are crazy?”
Techno sighs, running a hand through his hair, destroying the braid that Wilbur had worked on earlier in the day. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
“What did you mean then Tech? Because it sounds like you’re saying we’re crazy.”
“I’m saying that Tommy can’t be alone, he’s in a constant state of panic and that’s not something we can fix, so maybe he’s not crazy but he’s-” there’s a pause, a brief moment of hesitation before Techno says, “Broken.”
For a minute neither brother says or does anything, they both stare at each other, Wilbur in a state if disbelief and Techno in a sort of silent resignation, the door creaks softly from where it had been opened just enough to faintly hear the tv downstairs, open just enough that if Tommy needed them he’d be able to peak into the room to easily find them.
“You think I’m broken?”
“Wilbur that’s-”
“Exactly what you just said.”
“Why are you so upset about me not wanting to go to therapy? It’s not like I’m telling you not to go.”
“Because if I’m broken then so are you.”
“I’m not the one who stopped talking for years.”
Wilbur shifts so he’s sitting on the end of his bed, glaring at Technoblade. “You’re saying that like it’s my fault.”
“I didn’t say it was your fault.” Techno moves to sit at the end of his own bed, face to face with Wilbur. “But I was in that house too, we all were and I didn’t stop talking.”
“It was different for you and you know it! What the hell is wrong with you?”
“There’s nothing wrong with me, that's the point!”
“There’s nothing wrong with you? Nothing at all. Great so that means you’ll stop checking the smoke alarms every day and you’ll stop freaking out when someone pulls your hair and you won’t get all protective keeping Phil away from Tommy and I when you’re having a bad day and you’ll never go looking for another fight or-”
“That’s different!”
“Different how Techno? How is it any different than when I get upset and can’t sign, how is it any different than when I stopped talking?!”
“Because none of that crap is selfish! None of that hurts any of you!”
“Selfish? You’re calling me selfish because every time I try to talk I have a panic attack? That’s selfish.”
“That’s not-”
“Tommy just wanting his big brothers after months of being alone, is that selfish? We’ve hardly been back for two weeks! It took me months to be able to be alone and you and Tommy were with me in that house!”
“Wilbur-”
Wilbur stands suddenly, pacing for a moment before he turns to Techno, eyes blazing with anger. “It was different for you! I don’t know what they did to Tommy but I know what they did to me and I saw most of what they did to you. It was different. They must have hurt Tommy like they hurt me without us there to protect him and you’re calling him selfish?”
“You’re right Wilbur it was different,” Techno stands, his back to the door as he glares at his twin. “I was the one protecting you! I’ve always been the one to take the hit to protect the two of you! So maybe I didn’t go through what you two did but don’t stand there and act like I didn’t go through anything at all.”
“That’s not what I was saying! But maybe if you’d gone through what we did you wouldn’t be acting like such a prick right now!”
“I went through shit to Wilbur! I protected you and Tommy as much as I possibly could and I don’t mean just at that house! I don’t regret it but don’t sit there and act like it didn’t happen! I’m not trying to fight over who had what worse but I am saying that no matter what I went through I never once shut down like you and Tommy have. I took the beatings and all the crap and I still held you two when you had nightmares! I took all the crap and I was still there for you as much as I could be! Meanwhile you and Tommy shut down, you stop talking and fine whatever but you know what Wilbur I’m allowed to be pissed off about it! I miss my brothers! Everyday that you two don’t speak it just reminds me how horribly I failed at protecting you two! The one thing I was supposed to be able to do!”
Wilbur is still glaring and Techno is breathing rapidly as he finishes his rant but before the fight can continue the door suddenly swings open, revealing Tommy, whose hands are shaking and whose eyes are filled with tears, some of which fall onto his face. “I’m sorry.” Tommy whispers and Wilbur shoves past Technoblade, who turns quickly at the sound, to get to their baby brother. Wilbur reaches for Tommy but the boy moves past him a step closer to Technoblade. “I’m sorry.”
Wilbur wraps his arms around Tommy pulling the shaking boy into his arms, and as Tommy shoves his face into Wilbur’s sweater, still sobbing and whispering apologies, Wilbur glares at Technoblade. “You’re going to therapy.” He signs quickly, before pulling Tommy out of the room. Techno listens for a moment, walking towards the door as his brothers make their way down the hall and into Tommy’s room, Techno waits until the door to Tommy’s room shuts before he slams his fist through the wall, a picture of him and his brothers on Christmas morning falls from its place on the wall and shatters as it hits the ground.