Archive of Our Own ^beta

The shutter of his camera clicked, but it was barely audible with all the chatter and laughter in the room. It was a fortunate job. The big, arched windows caused perfect illumination for taking pictures and the pay was decent too.

This wasn’t exactly Akaashi’s dream—photographing people in nice dresses and suits, networking over a glass of sparkling wine—but it came pretty close. Especially today, since the gala was held by a big sponsor for athletes. If he couldn’t take their pictures on the field, couldn’t capture their dynamic forms as they poured their all into the game, he could at least photograph them now, muscles hidden beneath formal clothing and concentration replaced by polite smiles.

By this point, he’d surely gotten some good shots and could take a breather until the speech later. He’d snap a few more and then sit at the side for a while.

Just when he was directing his camera towards a poseur table near the entrance that was surrounded by a few people chatting animatedly, Akaashi saw the wooden door opening and a couple coming in. He instinctively pointed his camera at them, his finger already on the release button before his brain even registered just who was walking in.

Akaashi’s breathing caught. It couldn’t be him, it just couldn’t. Because he’d moved overseas four years ago to play for an Italian team. He’d left Japan, left Akaashi.

Yet, now he was standing right there; dazzling as Akaashi remembered. Instead of his Fukurodani tricot, a neat suit covered Bokuto’s broad shoulders. He still looked like a movie, probably even more so than before. As the woman on his arm murmured something in his ear, a dashing smile flashed across his features and Akaashi automatically lifted his camera again, pressing the release button to capture that expression once more.

Both of them looked gorgeous, but Akaashi’s camera only followed Bokuto, zooming in a little too close to be disguised as professional photos. The couple walked over to one of the poseur tables, the woman at his side introducing him to several people. 

The situation was so different, Bokuto wasn’t even aware of Akaashi’s presence as he engaged in polite small talk. Yet, it reminded Akaashi so much of when they were young, Bokuto the captivating ace of their volleyball team and Akaashi the photographer for their school’s magazine. He’d taken Bokuto’s picture over and over back then, always under the pretense that it was for the magazine. But they’d both known better.

The afternoon sun streaming in through the grand windows left Bokuto’s eyes sparkling in rich gold, and Akaashi was unable to turn his attention away from the athlete. Maybe this was his last chance to take the ace’s pictures like this, his last chance to feel what he’d felt back then, before either of them had realized that promises of “forever” are meaningless on the lips of teenagers. Before they’d even thought about growing old and falling apart.

He pressed the release button again and again, capturing his every move. His profile looked sharper than before, his jawline more defined, but in all his small gestures and mannerisms, Akaashi still recognized the Bokuto he’d known so well.

The shutter clicked restlessly until what Akaashi saw through his viewfinder suddenly wasn’t Bokuto’s profile anymore. Instead, he gazed into big honey eyes, opened wide in surprise before their owner broke into joyful laughter. When Akaashi slowly lowered his camera, heart in his mouth, the broad man was already walking over to him. All Akaashi could do was wait because his feet were rooted to the spot, unable to move even an inch.

“Hey,” was the first thing Bokuto said when he got close enough to talk, his big grin replaced by something softer.

Akaashi swallowed. “Hey.”

“I didn’t know you’d be here,” the athlete continued, bouncing on his balls.

“Neither did I,” Akaashi replied, fascinated by the sound of Bokuto’s voice. To his ears, it almost sounded like a song, like a nostalgic melody that he hadn’t heard in years.

“I’m glad! It’s really cool to see you again! I wanted to reach out while I’m here anyway, but I don’t think I have your current number…” He trailed off shyly. 

“Yeah, I’ve had a new number for a while now. It’s really good to see you, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi lowered his gaze, pretending he didn’t see Bokuto flinch at the mention of his name, pretending it hadn’t felt weird to call him that. 

By the time the ace had left for Italy, they’d long moved on from honorifics and last names. Akaashi remembered all too well how soft his first name sounded in Bokuto’s mouth. Keiji. You know how much I love you, don’t you, Keiji?

He forced himself to push the memories down. It'd been years. He should’ve been long over this—even more so since Bokuto hadn’t come here by himself. 

“How are you doing?” Akaashi asked.

“I’m doing great! It’s been so long since I’ve been back home, so it’s very exciting!” Bokuto was back to smiling now. “My parents sold the house a year ago and moved a little further up north, so I’m staying at a hotel. I’ve visited them for the last few days before coming down to Tokyo. I’m sure they would want me to greet you if they’d known we would be meeting. They always had a soft spot for you.” The ace laughed.

“Give them my thanks when you talk to them next.”

“I will! What about you ‘Kaashi?” His gaze dropped to the camera in Akaashi’s hands and the press card that dangled in front of his chest. “You’re the photographer for this event? That’s really cool!”

“Yeah, I suppose it’s been going well for me, too.” From the corner of his eyes Akaashi saw someone walking over, a quick glance told him it was the woman Bokuto had come with.

Bokuto followed Akaashi’s gaze, his eyebrows knitted apologetically when he looked back at him. “I would love to talk to you more, but I don’t think I can.” 

The photographer shrugged. “Don’t worry, it’s fine.” As far as reunions with ex-boyfriends went, this had gone okay, no? They had been kind and polite, and it hadn’t hurt as much as Akaashi would have expected. It was fine to end it like this.

Except Bokuto seemed to have other plans. “Do you maybe have a business card or something? Or I could give you my number?” The athlete brushed back his hair bashfully. “It kinda feels like fate to meet you again like this, and I would love to catch up with you more. But, uh, if you don’t want to that’s also—”

“No,” Akaashi exclaimed, his heart beating frantically in his chest. “I’d like that.” He pulled a business card from his pocket and handed it to the taller man who took it like it was something precious.

“Sorry to interrupt you two.” Bokuto’s girlfriend had reached them, and linked her arm with the ace’s. “There’s someone I need to introduce him to.” She nodded at Akaashi, and he couldn’t even dislike her. She seemed to be nice and sincere. Good for him, a voice in his head said. But another voice whispered: That could have been you.

“Of course,” Akaashi replied politely.

“I’m sorry, ‘Kaashi. I’ll call you.”

~

Akaashi didn’t hear from Bokuto the next day or the day after. But it was fine, really. It wasn’t like he kept frantically checking his phone in hopes of a message or a missed call. He would be calm about this. If Bokuto happened to contact him, cool. If not, that was also fine.

Or so he told himself. But whenever his phone’s screen lit up with a notification, his heart rate picked up drastically, just to be let down when it was a client or spam mail. 

In order to distract himself, he decided to sort out the pictures from the event, so he could give the good ones to the client soon. When he plugged the sd card into his laptop to take a look, he quickly realized that this task would do a poor job of distracting him. He’d ended up taking a lot more pictures of Bokuto than he’d realized; they probably took up a third of the folder.

Akaashi sighed and buried his face in his hands. How could he still be so enamoured with the ace after four years of separation?

Since procrastinating wouldn’t really help his case and it would get him into trouble with his client, he looked through the pictures, skipping the close-ups of Bokuto. They wouldn’t be usable to the client either way (at least not in this quantity). He diligently sorted them and moved the chosen ones onto a flash drive for his client, deleting the rest. Before shutting down his computer, he quickly mailed the client that he could pick up the flash drive and decide which ones he’d want to have printed by tomorrow.

If he kept a little folder on his desktop with the photos of Bokuto, that wasn’t really anyone’s business but his own, right? It wasn’t like he’d show them to anyone. 

~

When the bell at the door of Akaashi’s tiny studio went off the next day, he expected it to be his client picking up the pictures. Instead, the one waltzing in wore a wide smile and a pastel color block sweater, his arms swinging at his sides.

“Bokuto.”

“Hey!” He brushed his silver and black hair back. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m stopping by!” 

“Not at all.”

Bokuto slowly walked toward the desk where Akaashi was sifting through his email inbox. All the while, he looked around the studio, something like awe on his face as he scanned over each and every photo on the walls.

“Your shop is really nice, ‘Kaashi!” He beamed at Akaashi when he reached the desk and flopped down on the chair across from him.

“Thank you.” Akaashi felt the corners of his lips turning up. “What brings you here?”

“I wanted to call you but I ended up being really busy, so I thought I could call today but then I realized I was close by and thought I could just drop in! Is it a bother?”

The photographer couldn’t help chuckling at Bokuto’s stream of words. “No. It’s good to see you.” 

“You working?”

“Mhm, but there isn’t much to do. I don’t have any set appointments or anything.”

“So, can I stay for a bit?” Bokuto looked at him with big, hopeful eyes that had no business making Akaashi’s heart flutter like that.

“Sure. You want a coffee?” 

“That would be nice! Thanks!”

“How long has it been since you opened this place?” Bokuto asked while Akaashi made them two cups at the machine he had in the back.

“Uh, a little over a year now.”

“It’s really impressive to have your own studio at this age!”

“You think?” Akaashi brought the cups over to the desk, placing one in front of Bokuto. “I would say being an international volleyball star is definitely more impressive.”

“You’re still as humble as always.” Bokuto looked at him fondly. “But it’s okay to boast a little! You’re only 23 and already have your own studio. That’s awesome!”

A furious blush made its way up over Akaashi’s neck to the tips of his ears. “Okay,” he just replied, but Bokuto seemed content.

“Can I look at some of your stuff?” He asked, almost bashfully. “Only if you’re comfortable, of course! I’ve always liked the pictures you take.”

“Uh, sure,” Akaashi croaked, his face somehow feeling even hotter than before. “You can.” He got a binder that he used as a portfolio out of his shelf and handed it to Bokuto, who perked up as soon as he held it in his hands.

“These are gorgeous,” he whispered, taking his time to gaze at every picture. 

Akaashi didn’t say anything, he just watched Bokuto browsing the pages, trying not to be reminded of high school again; trying not to think that this felt just like it used to, when they sat in the school’s photo lab and Bokuto would gaze at each picture like it was something special. Because even if it felt like it did before, it wasn’t the same. They weren’t teenagers in love, whose biggest responsibilities were school clubs and midterms. They both led their own lives now, Bokuto in Italy with his promising career and gorgeous girlfriend, and Akaashi here, in Tokyo, by himself.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto suddenly asked, pulling him out of his trance. “You okay?”

“What? Yes! Was just a little lost in my thoughts.” He forced out a laugh.

“Uh, so I was saying that Sana—you met her at the gala remember? So she just messaged me,” He held up his phone and shook it slightly in his hand, looking a little sullen. “We’re having a dinner appointment tonight, and I need to go back to the hotel and change before that, so…”

“No worries. It was nice to see you.” 

“Thanks for having me! It’s nice to be friends again.” 

Friends.

Bokuto put the closed binder on the desk as he got up and made his way to the door. “See you soon?”

“Yeah, sure.” Akaashi tried to sound enthusiastic, but his hands were clenched to fists, his fingernails boring into his palms. The ace looked torn when he opened the door and stepped out. He raised his hand in a wave, before fishing car keys out of his pocket and making his way down the street. Akaashi watched him through the huge display windows of his studio until he was out of sight.

The dinner appointment had sounded important. Maybe Sana would introduce Bokuto to her parents? Or maybe Bokuto wanted to propose? Perhaps they were already engaged and just wanted to announce it to her family? He tried to recall if either of them had worn a ring, but couldn’t remember.

Akaashi rubbed his hands over his face. This was stupid and it lead nowhere. Bokuto wanted to be friends with him, it didn’t matter what he did with his girlfriend or fiancée or whatever. 

Akaashi could do this; he could be Bokuto’s friend. It was better than nothing right? Bokuto would soon return to Italy anyway, so falling for him all over again was the last thing Akaashi should do now.

But what if he’d never fallen out of love? The reason they’d broken up four years ago hadn’t been a change of heart, but distance. Ten thousand kilometres were just too much. They’d decided to break up before they had the chance to fall apart and leave each other with painful memories. 

It’d been a shared decision back then, yet Akaashi had never been able to shake the feeling of it not being quite right. After the break up he’d tried dating a few other guys, but it’d never lasted long. They’d never stood a real chance, not when Akaashi kept comparing everyone he met to Bokuto.

~

Even though he was well aware of how pointless it all was, the thought of Bokuto potentially marrying kept haunting him for days. Whenever he had some time to himself, Akaashi’s mind would wander to Bokuto in a gorgeous white suit, waiting at the end of the aisle for his beautiful fiancée. 

In a moment of weakness—he sat alone at the desk in his studio—he opened the secret folder on his desktop, scanning the pictures for a ring. Halfway through the folder, he could safely say that Bokuto did not wear a ring. He knew he shouldn’t feel so relieved about it. But at least he had some peace now and could focus on his work again.

Akaashi made his way to the back of the studio where a tiny hall led to his photo lab. He still had to make some prints for a client that he wanted to mail out later today.

Just when he was about to open the door to the lab, he heard the familiar chiming of a bell, indicating that a customer had come into the store.

“Just a moment,” he yelled.

“Sure thing.”

Akaashi froze, before poking his head back into the studio. “Bokuto.”

“Surprised to see me?” Bokuto grinned from ear to ear.

“No, I mean yes, but — I’ll be with you in a second, I just have to—uh, lab,” he sputtered, briefly wondering when he’d become so inarticulate.

“Take you time, I’ll just have another look around.”

Akaashi nodded before disappearing into the lab to make the prints. 

When he came back out a little later, Bokuto was sitting at his desk, completely immersed, clicking through some pictures.

It took a second before Akaashi registered what exactly it was that had Bokuto so interested.

The folder. The secret folder that no one was ever supposed to see and that Akaashi had carelessly left open. That folder.

Of all people who could have seen those pictures, this was definitely the worst option. How could he explain that? It probably made him look like a loser that never got over his ex. A loser with stalking tendencies. 

Now would be a good moment to just disappear into thin air never to be seen again.

He was still frozen in the doorway, when Bokuto turned around to him, his eyes comically wide and his cheeks flushed red. “I wasn’t—I didn’t mean to—I’m sorry for looking, I just saw these by chance, and then…” Bokuto trailed off, seemingly as overwhelmed by the situation as Akaashi was.

“No, it’s—I should have closed that.”

Bokuto’s gaze wandered back to the screen that showed him, conversing with some random people that were cut out of the picture, before looking back to Akaashi. “But why do you have those?”

“I just thought—” Akaashi started, before taking a steadying breath. He had to calm down. He would be able to talk himself out of this just fine. Bokuto was amazing, but sharp-wittedness wasn’t one of his strong points, right?

“They are from the event,” he said.

“Yeah. I know.”

“I just kept them because I thought maybe you’d like to have them.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “You must have taken a lot of pictures, if you had that kind of folder for every attendee.”

“Yeah.”

Bokuto looked thoughtful, and Akaashi wasn’t sure if his cover was blown or not. But then the ace giggled and shrugged. “You’ve always been so diligent, Akaashi.”

Akaashi let out a breath of relief. “I guess so.”

“Okay,” Bokuto nodded. “I think I’d like to.”

“What?”

“I’d like to have them. It was really nice of you to save them for me. Kinda makes me feel special.” A goofy grin spread on his lips and it was doing terrible things to Akaashi’s heart.

“I’ll get you a flash drive ready.”

“Thanks, ‘Kaashi!”

His heart rate still unsteady, Akaashi plugged the drive into his laptop and copied the folder onto it. He must have gone crazy, giving these pictures to the person he didn’t want to see them the most.

“What brings you here today, Bokuto?” He asked, watching the progress bar on his laptop screen slowly turning green.

“Ah, right! Sorry for suddenly dropping by again. I just thought it would be nice to see you!”

Akaashi refused to avert his gaze from the screen, convinced that he’d be left blinded if he looked at Bokuto now. “That’s nice of you.”

“So, when are you closing down for the day?”

“Hm? Ah, around five.” His laptop was done copying the files, so Akaashi pulled out the flash drive and handed it over to Bokuto who took it with expectant hands.

“Do you have anything planned afterwards?”

“Not really. I have to go to the post office, but other than that…”

“We could go together!” 

Akaashi flinched at the way Bokuto’s voice was just a little too loud for his small studio. “Huh?”

“I meant—” Bokuto added in a hurry. “I meant, we could go to the post office together. And then maybe we could have dinner. The two of us. If you want.”

Before he could give it another thought, before he could remind himself that this was not a date, that this was meant as nothing but an invitation to a friend, Akaashi’s traitorous mouth had already blurted out a hasty: “Yes! I’d like that!”

“Great! I’m picking you up at five then?”

“Make it 5:15, so I have time to lock up and get changed.”

“Okay! Can’t wait!”

“Me either.”

~

He ended up closing up the shop a little earlier than five, so he could still take a quick shower before Bokuto would pick him up. Akaashi needed to cool his head, feeling tingly with anticipation. He was lucky enough to have his apartment above the studio, so he didn’t have to worry about getting home in time. 

To his relief, the lukewarm water did a decent job of calming Akaashi’s nerves. A soft towel loosely draped over his still damp hair, he sent Bokuto a text to ring the bell at the side entrance of the building instead of going to the shop. The envelopes he needed to send out were already neatly sitting on his kitchen table, so Akaashi wouldn’t have to go to the studio again for today.

At 5:15pm sharp, his doorbell rang. Akaashi wasn't ready, both mentally and physically. He’d dried his hair and put on pants, but he’d been at a total loss if he should wear a dress shirt or something more casual. The doorbell went off again.

“I’m almost ready, just come up for now,” he told Bokuto through the intercom, leaving his flat door a crack open before going back to his bedroom, where a dress shirt and two sweaters were laid out on his bed.

“‘Kaashi?” He heard Bokuto closing the flat door behind himself.

“I’ll be with you in a second!” Akaashi shouted back, still focused on the garments before him. This couldn’t be so hard, could it?

“Oh, that one is cute,” Bokuto suddenly said, way too close to Akaashi’s ear. He flinched away, staring at his guest in confusion. How did he not hear him walking into his bedroom?

“The brown one,” Bokuto clarified, pointing at a beige sweater with a white shirt collar attached to it.

“Okay,” Akaashi said with a hoarse voice. “I’ll get changed then.” 

It took a second before Bokuto shuffled back towards the doorway. “Ah, yeah, I’ll wait in the living room.”

He quickly shoved the other two garments back into the closet before pulling on the sweater and adjusting its collar in front of the mirror. 

“Cute indeed!” Bokuto exclaimed as soon as Akaashi came out of the bedroom, who in turn felt his face go up in flames. He didn’t even mean you, he meant the sweater. Just the sweater!

“Thanks,” he replied anyway, tucking some longer strands of hair behind his ear. 

They headed out, Bokuto leading Akaashi to the car he’d rented for his stay in Japan. It was black and sleek, way more expensive-looking than the old red thing Akaashi owned. Moving around bulky equipment like softboxes and tripods came with the job, so using public transfer wasn’t the most practical choice, even if it was better for the environment. Eventually, he’d had to invest in a car, and the rattly second-hand Golf was all he’d been able to afford back then. (Not that he could get himself a better car now—opening a studio is expensive, mind you).

The lights of the black car blinked twice when Bokuto pressed the button on his key. Like any good gentleman—or a friend, Akaashi reminded himself — Bokuto opened the passengers door for Akaashi and gestured for him to get in, before jogging to the other side and dropping into the driver's seat. The car smelled like leather and newness, and Akaashi wondered what it would be like if it was actually Bokuto’s car and not just rented. Surely, he would have some little owl charms dangling from the rearview mirror, maybe a sticker from his team adorning the bumper.

“To the post office, right?” Bokuto asked, as he buckled his seatbelt.

“Yes,” Akaashi replied, holding up the envelopes demonstratively. “Thank you.”

The traffic was surprisingly light, so they reached their destination quickly. Bokuto stayed in the car, while Akaashi dropped off the mail and rushed back.

He felt Bokuto’s gaze on him while he settled back into the car, waiting for Akaashi’s seatbelt to click into place before starting the motor. Akaashi chuckled at his diligent driver. “So, where are we going tonight?” 

“Not telling!” Bokuto exclaimed. “Not yet.”

They only drove for five minutes, maybe ten before Bokuto parked the car in a side street and gestured for them to get out. 

Akaashi knew the area well—it was close to their old high school. The two of them used to walk through these streets on their way back home after school, Bokuto’s loud voice resounding from the buildings around them as he cheerfully recapped practice. He’d look sweaty, the hairs on his neck sticking to his skin, but his eyes would be sparkling with excitement and the undying hunger to improve. If Akaashi had to break it down to something, it would probably be that look that’d made him fall in love with him all those years ago.

Bokuto nudged him playfully. “Any idea where we’re headed yet, ‘Kaashi?” 

Akaashi shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“It’s that barbecue place we used to frequent, isn’t it?”

“Bingo!” Bokuto beamed at him like a happy dog. “I haven’t been there since I left for Italy, so I thought it was high time!”

I haven’t been there either, Akaashi wanted to say. I couldn’t go there, not without you.

“Sure,” he said instead. “Let’s go.”

The evening was nice. It felt a lot like it used to with Bokuto talking about practice and his team or asking Akaashi about photography and his family. Akaashi could almost convince himself that this was going to work out for them. They could be friends. Hell, they’d been friends before they’d started dating, why not now? 

He decidedly ignored the tiny butterflies in his stomach whenever Bokuto said something sweet or casually touched his hand. Maybe, if he ignored them long enough, they would just disappear by themselves.  

~

They went out more often after that, having dinner, going for coffee, or meeting up with friends from high school. Sometimes Bokuto would just drop by the studio and hang out for a while, chatting and looking at Akaashi’s work. 

Having Bokuto around like this made Akaashi realize how much he’d missed him the past few years. Being with him made the sun shine just a little brighter, and Akaashi wondered how he was going to survive saying goodbye again when the time came.

But it wouldn’t help to dwell on it, so he tried to shove the thought as far into the back of his mind as he could.

Bokuto lounged on a chair in the back of the studio, watching while Akaashi was sorting through the utensils that’d been delivered earlier that day. “What are you thinking about, ‘Kaashi?”

“Nothing much. Just, you know…” Akaashi trailed off. He stood on his tip toes, trying to put a box with cartridges on the highest shelf.

Bokuto got up to grab the carton from Akaashi. “Let me.” It was ridiculous—Bokuto wasn’t even that much taller than him—but the gesture still made Akaashi’s heart flutter. 

“You know?” Bokuto inquired, moving the carton onto the shelf with ease.

“The season’s going to start again soon.”

“Oh,” Bokuto lowered his arms, turning to meet Akaashi’s gaze. “Guess we won’t be able to see each other as much then, huh?” He laughed, but his eyebrows were knitted.

“I guess not. When are you flying back?”

“Like two weeks from now? It’s a Wednesday.”

“That’s... soon.”

“It would get a little hectic if I postponed it, since I’ll have a lot to take care of before training starts. I’ll make sure to keep in touch during the season too, though!”

“Yeah,” Akaashi swallowed. “Let’s keep in touch.”

He couldn’t really bring himself to be all that positive, though. It wasn’t like the distance between Italy and Tokyo had suddenly shrunk. They would still be ten thousand kilometers apart, a difference of eight hours in their time zones. Be it friends or lovers—how was he supposed to overcome a cleft like that?

~

Akaashi settled back against the worn-out couch in Konoha’s living room, letting his head drop onto the seat cushion. He felt exhausted; he hadn’t had this much of a social life in years and he’d definitely not adjusted yet. 

Which wasn’t to say that he didn’t enjoy spending time with Bokuto or their high school friends. A part of him just craved a calm night on the couch, reading a book or watching a movie. Not even necessarily by himself; when they’d been dating, Bokuto and he had spent a bunch of days lounging around in bed, limbs tangled as they innocently enjoyed each other’s company. But he couldn’t exactly do that with “just” a friend, Akaashi supposed. So instead it was another night out. 

Konoha sat across from him, taking a sip of his canned beer as he eyed him up. He and Akaashi had stayed back while Bokuto and Komi were getting take-out for the four of them.

“It’s nice to see you’re giving it another try,” Konoha said, his gaze almost soft for once.

“What do you mean?” Akaashi blinked at him in confusion, his mind a little fuzzy from the alcohol. 

“You and Bokuto. Neither of you seemed to be okay with the break-up, so I think it’s good that you’re giving it a second chance.”

Akaashi stared at him blankly before it dawned on him. “No. No, Konoha, we’re not dating. We’re friends.”

“Friends? Are you sure about that?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, but, uh… does Bokuto know that?”

“Bokuto said it himself. We’re friends.”

Konoha didn’t look convinced. “But why would he be flirting with you all night if he wanted to be friends?”

“Just—” Akaashi sighed. Of course his traitorous heart would feel a spark of hope at Konoha’s words, even if his brain knew so much better. “Please don’t. I think this may work out, you know? Maybe we can work out like this, platonically, at least until he goes back to Italy. Please don’t make me overthink.” I already do that plenty by myself.

“Sorry, I’ll drop it. And sorry for assuming you two were back together.”

“No, don’t worry,” he said with a wave of his hand. “Anyway, what’s taking them so long?”

“You think they got lost? I mean, Komi was kinda tipsy already.”

“And it’s only the second time Bokuto has been to your flat. You think we need to go look for them?”

“Probably.” Konoha crinkled his eyebrows in distaste. 

“It’s raining.”

“Ten more minutes?”

“Ten more minutes.”

~

With all the time they spent together, Akaashi started to wonder how Sana felt about all of this. Weren’t the two of them on vacation together? Bokuto was spending giant amounts of time with Akaashi instead of his girlfriend—even if she didn’t know that they used to be dating, wouldn’t she be upset about this?

In the end, Akaashi’s curiosity won. Bokuto was visiting him once again; he’d helped close up the studio for the day before they’d gone to Akaashi’s apartment. Now they were sitting in the living room, empty pasta plates on the table and a movie running in the background that they barely paid attention to as they talked.

“How is Sana?” Akaashi blurted out, abruptly ending their previous topic.

Bokuto met his gaze with a raised eyebrow, clearly taken aback by the question. “Uh. She’s fine?”

“Are you sure it’s okay that you’re spending so much time with me?”

“Why wouldn’t it?” 

“She’s not upset about it?”

“No,” Bokuto huffed a laugh. “It’s not like I’m neglecting any appointments, so there’s no reason for her to be upset?”

The way Bokuto said it made it sound like a business connection instead of a lovey dovey relationship, but who was Akaashi to judge them? “Okay, then. If you’re sure.”

“Super sure.” Bokuto grinned, mischief glowing in his features as he leaned in closer. “Or are you just looking for an excuse to not have me around so much?”

Akaashi self-consciously averted his gaze, hoping Bokuto couldn’t hear the loud beating of his heart. “Of course not.” 

He flinched, when Bokuto dropped his head to Akaashi’s shoulder, his silver and black hair ticklish where it brushed Akaashi’s skin. It felt too familiar.

“I’m glad,” Bokuto let out a long breath. “I like being with you.”

“I like being with you too.”

~

The butterflies in his stomach at Bokuto’s every move were slowly but surely killing him. Akaashi wanted to ignore them, he really did. But being with Bokuto made him feel like it was only a matter of time until all his unresolved feelings would come spilling out. 

A part of him wondered if it really mattered. They were exes, after all. Wasn’t it naive to think there wouldn’t be any lingering feelings of love? A bigger part of him though, knew that he had to keep it bottled up. It wouldn’t be fair to unload his emotional turmoil onto Bokuto, who saw him as a friend (and was very much taken). Thankfully, he just had to hold out until Bokuto returned to Italy, right? Easy.

Or not so easy.

The weekend before Bokuto’s flight back, Akaashi picked him up at the hotel he was staying at to spend the day together. The hotel seemed fancy and it was honestly a little intimidating. His shabby Golf looked out of place between the polished cars parked left and right, and Akaashi regretted not taking public transport. Bokuto assured him that no, he was not able to afford this kinda hotel, he was just staying there because management had booked it for him. Why his Italian team would pay for a hotel in Tokyo was beyond him, but Akaashi didn’t inquire. Maybe it was a little bonus to make sure their ace would stick with them for the next seasons to come. 

They went to a small café—one that Akaashi’d been meaning to go to for ages now. Both the coffee and the pastries were incredibly good, but Akaashi hadn’t expected anything less since it’d been a recommendation from his friend, Tsukishima, who tended to be picky about his desserts. 

Afterward, they went to take a walk in a nearby park. It’d been Bokuto’s idea—after Akaashi had told him that he hadn’t taken pictures for fun in ages, only ever for work, he’d suggested for Akaashi to bring his camera and just take some. 

The park was a beautiful location; spring had the trees green and the flowers in full bloom. Before long, he found himself snapping pictures of this and that, not really paying much attention to composition and just having fun with it. He took a bunch of Bokuto too, who seemed to have a good time making funny faces for the camera.

“Let me take some too!” Bokuto eventually exclaimed with a big grin and Akaashi found himself handing over his camera before he could even so much as think about saying no. The happy expression he was greeted with as Bokuto took the camera from him and put the camera’s strap around his neck made it worth it.

Akaashi watched with joy as Bokuto started walking around and snapping pictures of everything, the grass, the flowers, the tree tops and the blue sky beyond. The way he gazed through the viewfinder, full of wonder, reminded Akaashi of himself at the time when he’d just discovered his love for photography, taking a zillion pictures with the camera his grandma had gifted him. It’d been the first time he’d actually felt passionate about something, and he was glad he was still doing it now, even if it was for work most of the time.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t immediately notice how Bokuto’s focus had shifted away from the clouds. Instead, the camera pointed in his direction now, Akaashi’s gaze landing right on the lense as the shutter clicked shut.

“Are you taking pictures of me ?” he asked in surprise, even though the answer was clear as day.

“Yep!”

Akaashi walked over to him, chuckling as he shook his head. “But why?” 

“Why not? You used to take my picture all the time!” Bokuto waggled his eyebrows. He started walking backwards, so Akaashi wouldn’t catch up too quickly, continuously taking more photos.

“That was different!” He quickened his pace to a light jog to get closer, but Bokuto just did the same.

“How so?”

“I had a proper reason!” 

“I have a proper reason too!” The athlete finally took mercy on Akaashi’s poor stamina and came to a halt, letting him catch up.

“And what would that be?” He asked trying to grab the camera back but Bokuto promptly held it up, just out of reach for the shorter man.

“Don’t drop it!”

“I wouldn’t,” Bokuto replied with a soft voice, lowering his arm. He looped the camera’s strap around Akaashi’s neck, who felt his breath catch at how close they suddenly were.

“So, what’s your reason?”

Bokuto smiled, his nose crinkling and his pupils dilated. “Beautiful things deserve to be captured.”

Akaashi swallowed around the lump forming in his throat, unable to avert his gaze from his ex-boyfriend’s face. He should’ve probably tried to laugh it off, do anything to make this tension go away, but he’d never been good at these kinds of things. That’d always been Bokuto’s strong suit. But the man in question didn’t seem to have any intention of lightening the atmosphere. Instead, his gaze wandered between Akaashi’s eyes and lips and Akaashi was suddenly gripped with the feeling that this was bad— really bad. He so badly wanted to lean in, meet Bokuto half way, find out if kissing him still felt as good as it did four years ago. But he shouldn’t. Bokuto wasn’t his boyfriend anymore; he already belonged to someone else.

With a deep breath Akaashi took a step backwards, putting some distance between them. “I still have some work, so I—” He swallowed again, trying to make his voice sound less hoarse. “I’ve gotta go.”

“Oh.” Bokuto ruffled his styled hair, some of the silver and black strands falling into his forehead. “Yeah, sure. Sorry for holding you up.”

Akaashi tried not to think about Bokuto’s hurt look as he made his way back to his car. Surely he’d just imagined the heartbreak he’d seen in his eyes.

~

For some reason, Akaashi had hoped that he would wake up on Monday and all the troubles of the weekend would be forgotten, any awkwardness between him and Bokuto magically resolved. But, of course, that wasn’t the case. He woke up on Monday with a terrible headache, two unread messages from Bokuto and no idea how to behave. 

There were only two days left until Bokuto would fly back to Italy and not come back for who knew how long. Akaashi hated the thought of leaving things as they were and just avoiding him until he’d left. But facing him was scary, because then they’d have to address whatever happened at the park and Akaashi was neither in the mood to get rejected, nor did he want to be a homewrecker. 

With a sigh, he unlocked his phone and opened Bokuto’s texts. He should at least take a look at them. He could decide what to do afterwards.

Bokuto Koutarou: hey akaashi i hope you got everything done on time yesterday. sorry for taking up your time when you were busy

Bokuto Koutarou: i understand if you don’t want to meet up anymore but i’d love to see you again before i leave

Akaashi stared at the messages for a small eternity. Reading them hadn’t helped his case at all. He locked his phone back up and laid it face down onto his nightstand. He was almost tempted to turn it off, but Akaashi still hadn’t invested in a work phone so he needed to keep it on in case a client tried contacting him.

After a long shower and a quick breakfast, he made his way to the studio, opening it barely on time. Not that it would make much of a difference—mornings tended to be slow, barely any clients coming in. Today wasn’t an exception, so even though he wanted to drown himself in work he simply didn’t have a lot to do. After taking care of some organizational matters as well as some prints that needed to be ready for pick up by tomorrow, there was nothing to distract him from his thoughts anymore. 

Maybe Konoha had been right and Bokuto had been flirting with him. Or maybe all of this was just Akaashi’s wishful thinking, including whatever moment he’d thought they’d had at the park. The Bokuto he knew would never cheat on his partner; he was too kind, too loyal, for that.

Just when Akaashi closed the shop for his lunch break, his phone rang. He kinda expected it to be another message from Bokuto. Instead it was Konoha calling.

“Hey,” Akaashi greeted, slightly surprised. Konoha wasn’t usually one for phone calls.

“Have you been busy at the studio today?” his friend asked harshly, foregoing any kind of greeting.

“Not really, why?”

“Why are you ignoring Bokuto’s messages then?”

“I—uh, what?”

“I’ve just met with him and he’s a picture of misery.”

Akaashi frowned, massaging his forehead with his free hand. “It’s complicated.”

“Is it, though?”

“Konoha, I know you want to help and I’m sorry that I hurt him. I’m just—I don’t know how to face him.”

“You don’t say! But why?”

“Because I—” He took a deep breath, his voice shaky when he continued. “Because I love him. And when I’m with him I just keep on hoping for the impossible and I can’t keep lying to him or myself.”

“How do you know it’s impossible?” Konoha sounded calmer now, almost empathetic.

“He said it himself. We’re friends.”

“Who says being friends and being boyfriends is mutually exclusive? He always called you his best friend back then, even after you started dating.”

“But he has a girlfriend.”

“What girlfriend? He didn’t mention anyone to me?”

“She was at the event with him.”

“Are you sure they are dating?”

“Yes,” Akaashi answered, but Konoha’s words had him reconsider. Did he really know? Did Bokuto ever call her his girlfriend? “Or maybe. I don’t know,” he corrected himself.

“You should really talk to him, Akaashi.”

“But he’s going back to Italy anyway.”

“God, I can’t believe I always considered you the mature one in our friend group. You’re just looking for reasons why it won't work out, aren’t you?” Konoha sighed at the other end of the line.

“I know that it won’t work out, because it didn’t work out back then, either.” 

“No, Akaashi, you don’t know; you never tried back then. And as far as I can judge, neither of you were happy with the decision to break up. So maybe don’t make the same mistake again and at least tell him what you want. Maybe it works out or maybe it doesn’t, but you won’t know if you don’t try.”

Akaashi stayed silent, unsure of what to say. Konoha hit the mark with everything he’d said. But could Akaashi really be blamed for hesitating? Being honest with his feelings made him vulnerable and who wasn’t afraid of getting hurt?

Then again, one of them got hurt already and maybe Akaashi owed him some honesty at least.

“I’ll talk to him,” he finally said, earning an approving hum from Konoha.

“Just what I wanted to hear!”

~

The afternoon went by too fast and soon Akaashi found himself locking up the studio, entirely unprepared to talk to Bokuto. It was too late to back out now though; he’d already sent him a message during lunch break, asking if he could come over to talk after work. Bokuto had agreed, but Akaashi was feeling all too aware of the lack of emoticons and exclamation marks in his reply. 

Before leaving, Akaashi slipped into some fresh clothes. His hair was a lost cause from all the ruffling he did throughout the day, so he hid the disaster under a dark gray beanie despite the mild temperatures outside. The commute to the hotel was nerve-wracking. He’d decided to take public transport this time, both to spare himself the feeling of inadequacy at the parking lot and for the environment's sake. But not driving gave him plenty of time to analyze and overthink every single encounter he’d had with Bokuto after meeting at the gala. Maybe this was a terrible idea, maybe this would do nothing but trouble Bokuto. And what would Akaashi do if Sana was there too? 

His palms were growing more sweaty with each passing station, and he kept bouncing his leg, earning a slightly annoyed glare from the young man standing next to him in the subway. When he finally got off at the station closest to the hotel, he’d wiped his clammy palms on his pants so often, he felt like he could change clothes again. Maybe he shouldn’t have bothered in the first place.

Akaashi made his way into the hotel lobby, telling the receptionist that he was being expected. After checking her records, the woman told Akaashi the room number and let him go up. 

It’s going to be fine, he repeated in his head like a mantra as he walked through the polished halls, scanning the golden numbers on the room doors. As he reached the right room, his hands were trembling with nerves. He took a deep breath. Then he knocked.

Before Akaashi could have even entertained the thought of turning around and running off, the door was already flying open. Bokuto stood in the doorway, looking almost out of breath.

“Akaashi. You came.”

“Yes.”

“Come—Do you want to come in?” Bokuto had always had a habit of fidgeting with his hands whenever he got nervous, and right now his fingers seemingly couldn’t stop moving. It made Akaashi feel a little more at ease, knowing he wasn’t the only one anxious about this.

They stepped into the fancy hotel suite, but Akaashi didn’t have the capacity to appreciate the nice view or modern furnishing. He did notice though that they were alone. Judging from the single suitcase and the way the pillows were piled up in the middle of the bed, it didn’t seem like Bokuto was staying here with someone else.

“So I wanted to—” Akaashi started after Bokuto had closed the door behind them, but the athlete didn’t let him finish.

“I’m so sorry!” he blurted out, bowing his head.

“What?”

“I’m sorry for almost kissing you in the park even though you thought of us as friends! I thought we wanted the same thing but I was wrong and I understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore, but—” His voice broke and it made Akaashi’s heartache. He couldn’t see Bokuto’s expression with his head lowered like that, but he could very well imagine what it looked like.

“Don’t apologize,” Akaashi said softly, tentatively reaching his hand out to graze Bokuto’s upper arm. “I did want the same.” 

Bokuto’s head whipped up at that, unshed tears glistening in his eyes. “You did?”

“I did. I do. But I didn’t think—You said we’re friends. And I thought you’re dating Sana?”

“Sana?” Bokuto frowned. “As in my manager Sana?”

Akaashi couldn’t help the relieved chuckle spilling from his lips. “That makes a lot of sense, actually.”

“So… what does this mean for us?” 

“I know you’re flying back to Italy on Wednesday and I know it’s probably deeply selfish to say this now because we’ve had this all before but I think we can make this work, even with the distance,” Akaashi took a deep breath in an attempt to steady himself, but his voice still came out shaky when he continued, unconsciously squeezing his eyelids shut. “I’m in love with you. Can we give it another chance?”

“Yes!” Bokuto’s arms were wrapped around him in an instant, knocking the air right out of his lungs in the best way possible. “Me too, I’m in love with you too, Keiji!”

Akaashi thought he heard Bokuto sniff next to his ear. He snaked his arms around Bokuto’s mid, returning the hug. 

~

Akaashi watched the night skyline through the big hotel windows, his hands drawing soft patterns onto Bokuto’s back, who was nestled up against him, his breath ticklish in the crook of Akaashi’s neck.

“I wish I didn’t have to leave so soon,” Bokuto whispered against Akaashi’s skin.

He hummed in agreement. “Do you already know when you’ll be back in Japan again?”

“Hmm,” Bokuto sounded thoughtful. “I think my flight is booked for Monday.”

“What?” Akaashi sat up abruptly, earning a grunt from his boyfriend.

“What what?”

“What do you mean your flight is on Monday?”

“It could be Tuesday too, I’d have to look—”

“No, I mean why are you going to be back so soon?”

A confused frown spread on Bokuto’s face. “Because the season’s going to start?”

“Yes, exactly! Shouldn’t you be with your team?”

“Yes?”

“Why would you be in Japan then?”

“Because that’s where my new team is starting next season?”

“Oh, god,” Akaashi buried his face in his hands, a mixture of relief and exhaustment washing over him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought I did,” Bokuto replied, sounding all pouty.

“So you’re not leaving again?”

Bokuto wrapped his arms around Akaashi’s waist, resting his head against his stomach. “I’ll never leave you again.”

“Okay, but what did you think I was talking about when I said all that about distance?”

“I mean we’ll be pretty far apart for almost a whole week…”

“I can’t believe you,” Akaash laughed, snuggling close to his boyfriend. “You big buff idiot.”

“I love you?” 

“I love you too.”