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AFC Richmond’s new kitman was a short young lad, with two eyes, two ears, and two paws. He had a very important job, for a footballer simply could not play without a clean uniform.
Each day, the team would file in and out of their dressing room, and the kitman would tilt his hat to a respectable degree and say, “How do you do?” to each of them. He sorted their things, cleaned the space, and when they won a match, they would lift him way up into the air and chant jovially. This new kitman was called Paddington, and although he did not much care to be tossed about, he thoroughly enjoyed his role within the football club.
You must be wondering, for it does seem rather odd, how a bear such as this one started working alongside Richmond’s finest. Here is how that all came to be:
The Browns were on a week-end family outing to the market. This was a bustling place, one that had vendors who sold all sorts of knick-knacks and fancy things. Paddington especially liked the marbles booth, and he always picked out a new one for his collection.
Mr. and Mrs. Brown liked to be at their leisure on Sundays, which meant that they did not want to bother driving an automobile. They were still able to abide by their plans, however, for London had buses that took you to and from your destination.
This particular Sunday, the Browns went about their regular routine. When the bus arrived at their local stop, they paid their fare and headed up the stairs. Judy always held tight onto Paddington’s hand as they ascended because buses liked to go back on their merry way quite quickly. Paddington, Judy, and Johnathan sat together on the left side, at the very front, and Mr. and Mrs. Brown sat just to the right of them.
The bus snaked up the road, and the whole family looked out the big window onto the world before them. At each bus stop, people waiting in the queue closed up their umbrellas when they saw the large red vehicle approaching. Paddington had learned that you’re not to keep your umbrella open once you enter a vehicle or a building.
It was at a stop that the voice of the bus announced was “Westbourne Terrace” that a most interesting man came up the stairs. Above his lip, he had a plot of brown hair that looked like a caterpillar.
Jonathan, who sat with one leg dangling into the aisle, exclaimed, “It’s Ted Lasso!”
The rest of the Browns turned towards the man.
“Quiet yourself, Johnathan, and it’s rude to stare!” chastised Judy.
“Yes, but he’s Richmond’s manager! I’ve never met one before!” said Jonathan.
“Howdy, how are you folks doing?” said Mr. Lasso, as he slid into the seat behind Paddington and the children. He then gazed directly upon Paddington and was quite delighted. “Hey, I don’t think I’ve ever met a bear before!”
Paddington stood in his seat, holding onto the back, and extended out his arm. “Hello, I’m Paddington. How do you do?”
“I’m great, thank you,” said Mr. Lasso.
“I can’t believe you know Jamie Tartt!” said Jonathan.
Judy tried again to shush Johnathan, but Mr. Lasso said, “Hey, I can’t believe it myself sometimes. Where are you guys from, by the way?”
“Just down the road!” said Jonathan.
“That’s a lot closer than where I’m from!” said Mr. Lasso.
“But Paddington has immigrated here; he’s from Darkest Peru!” said Judy.
“Wow, is that so?” said Mr. Lasso.
“Yes, sir, it is. You see, my Aunt Lucy sent me here to London to find a good home, and so I found the Browns. I’d like to thank her for all her kindness, so I am trying to purchase her a special gift. The only trouble is, I’ll be needing enough spending money to make this purchase, so I’m looking for somewhere to employ me.”
“Well, I wish you all the luck with that, Paddington,” said Mr. Lasso.
“Do you happen to have any open spots within your company that will employ a bear?” inquired Paddington.
“Paddington, love, it’s a bit more complicated than that to get a job in the Championship,” chimed in Mrs. Brown.
“Yes, it’s one of the best leagues there is. It’s not easy to get in,” said Jonathan.
“Why, Paddington, I’d say today is your lucky day! We’ve just promoted one of our own, Nate the Great, so we have been looking for a kitsperson.”
“But Mr. Lasso, I’m not a person, I’m a bear,” said Paddington.
Mr. Lasso peered at him, assessing his small form. “I don’t think that would matter one bit. You see, we’ve got someone called Ms. Welton in charge, and Ms. Welton can do just about anything. I’m sure we can get you signed on as quick as a fox.”
“He’d have to travel out there each day,” grumbled Mr. Brown.
“Yes, dear, but think of all the good experience he’ll be getting,” said Mrs. Brown.
“Hmm,” said Mr. Brown, thinking. “It could be a sensible thing, for a young bear to build life skills.”
“It’s settled then!” cried Mr. Lasso. “The club will love to have ya.”
“Club?” said Paddington. “Mr. Lasso, I’m not yet of age in this country, thus I’m not sure they’d allow me into a club.”
“Paddington, silly,” said Jonathan. “It’s a football club. They would never allow alcohol on the premises.”
“Oh, in that case, thank you!” Paddington said.
Soon thereafter, Mr. Lasso bid the Browns adieu, and descended the stairs of the bus, to get off at the stop closest to his destination. A lady on the bottom level said something quite rude to him, but he merely smiled at her and thanked the bus driver for helping him get to where he was going.
One week later, the Browns’ family phone let out its typical BRRRNGGGGG, and Mrs. Bird answered it. It was Ms. Welton calling to let Paddington know that she was able to bring him on board, as early as the next day, if he was still interested in the position. Paddington gladly accepted.
In the morning, Mrs. Bird handed Paddington his lunch to put in his rucksack, and then he was off with his fellow morning commuters, heading Westward, to the club.
When he arrived, he was greeted by Mr. Lasso, who gave him a generous tour of the club. Then, Coach Shelley, the former kitman, showed him “the ropes,” which didn’t involve any string. Coach Shelley taught him how to wash and dry the kits, organize the boots, and keep congregation areas tidy. The final thing Paddington was taught was how to order new kits, on the computer, via the internet.
Once he was satisfied by Paddington’s understanding of all that he was expected to do, Coach Shelley asked him to turn the computer off and went off to oversee team training.
To fulfill the request, Paddington covered the mouse with his paw, and tried to move the cursor to the corner of the screen, just like Judy had taught him. The only thing was, the cursor did not seem to be moving at all. More-so, a colorful wheel popped up on the screen.
“This doesn’t seem right,” said Paddington.
He tried moving the mouse some more, and then tapped some patterns out on the keyboard, as he’d observed grown-ups sometimes doing. Quick as a flash, the screen altered. A page had loaded that said “Congratulations!” which sounded positive, but upon further inspection, it also said that he had ordered 12,000 new kits. This was not what he had intended to do! Not at all!
Paddington was not a mathemagician, but that figure did sound like an awful overabundance of kits. Could that many even fit into the building? He did not know how fast they were made. If they came later that day, everyone would be crushed by the weight of all the garments!
He ran out of the room. Up and down the corridors he went, until he reached the canteen, and inquired there as to the coach’s whereabouts. A kindly woman informed him that Coach Shelley would be out on the pitch, and pointed him in the right direction.
As Paddington got to the threshold between indoors and outdoors, the team was also trying to come through the doorway. They conversed loudly as they stepped back inside. He tried to get through the crowd to find the coach, but a man with the number six on the back of his soiled jersey said to Paddington, “This is a staff and team only area.”
“But sir, I am your new kitbear,” said Paddington.
A hush fell over the team.
“Kitbear? How can that be?” asked Jack Dawkins.
“I did not know they let bears be employed in England,” said Richard.
“Apparently, they do,” said Paddington. “Although, I seem to be the very first. Ms. Welton said that I was ‘setting precedents’ and that the paperwork required much ‘legal counsel,’ but it all worked out in the end.”
“Good to have you on, mate,” said Jamie Tartt, who reached down and pat him on the shoulder.
“Thank you very much, but I have a most urgent matter that needs fixing!” said Paddington.
“What is it Paddington?” asked Mr. Lasso, who stepped inside.
Coach Shelley, who was shorter than most humans and couldn’t be seen behind the rest, pushed through to speak. “What happened?” he asked.
“My paw is much larger than you humans’ fingers, you see, and I have ordered far too many new kits! Even though all I was meant to do was turn off the computer!” said Paddington, anxiously.
“Let’s go see what happened,” said Coach Shelley.
He and Paddington hurried all the way back to to the office, where Coach Shelley took a look at the disaster. However, it did not turn out to be so much of a disaster after all. There was a “revoke” button that cancelled the order.
“See? You’ve not done any harm.” said Coach Shelley.
Letting out an exhale, Paddington said, “You’re right, everything appears to be in order once more.”
At the end of the work day, all of the athletic men packed up their things and prepared to depart.
Isaac McAdoo said, “Ay Padders, you’ll be coming to the pub with us later, yeah?”
“That’s kind of you to invite me; however, Mr. and Mrs. Brown will be expecting me for supper,” said Paddington.
“Some other time, then,” said Harry Bumbercatch.
Before he set off for his evening commute back to Windsor Gardens, Paddington was invited for a quick conference up in the owner’s office.
“Mr. Bear, how was your first day? Have been settling in alright? ” asked Ms. Welton.
“Quite well, madam. I have found everyone to be quite kindly and willing to teach me new things. I did end up in a little bit of a pickle, but everything turned out alright in the end.”
“I am glad to hear it,” said Ms. Welton, smiling warmly.
Back at home, just in time for supper, Paddington recounted to his family all that had happened over the course of the day. Johnathan even let out a whoop when he learned of Paddington’s interaction with the great Roy Kent.
Paddington could not wait for more adventures to come at the football club.