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‘It was a successful mission’, this was a mantra Poe repeated in his head. 'It was successful, no one died.’ He flew back to base with his squad. While they joked around and made fun Poe stayed uncharacteristically silent in his orange and black X-Wing. The only one who noticed the silence of 'Black Leader’ was Snap. With a few pushes of buttons him and Poe were in a private frequency. Snap knew of the silent man’s vow, he didn’t have to ask what was wrong, “You know, sometimes we have to bend our beliefs so we can serve a greater purpose. Don’t beat yourself up, you can’t save everyone.”
Snap heard a dry, humorless chuckle. The pilot could see the expression of his friend before his eyes. A bitter, humorless smile paired with blank, nearly lifeless looking eyes that seemed to stare into a void. He began to talk again,“I know you don’t want to talk to me right now but you should talk to her.” At the mention of her Poe sat up straighter, “Maybe.”, was the short, emotionless reply from the otherwise cheerful yavaneese pilot. Beebee informed his dad master that he was initiating the landing procedure.
If he could, he would have run away somewhere where no one but her could find him. But he had to land in the hanger and be greeted by General Organa herself. He tried to make the debrief as short as possible. Talking only when spoken to and only the necessary details. Lea could feel the nervous energy radiating from Poe. She didn’t need to use the force to sense it. The “dancing” (it looked like Poe was rehearsing the steps of a slow waltz) she called it, was a sign that she knew Poe was listening only to things directly said to him, everything else was a blur in the pilot’s mind. As she dismissed him and his squad she gave him a pointed look that said, 'If you don’t talk to her I will make an appointment with a therapist for you!’ How often she threatened him with a professional, she lost count. But he had his 'Stardust’ as he always referred to his other half. Leia knew she was as good as a therapist. She had one conversation with Poe’s guardian angel and felt the stress she had slip away.
When Poe walked into his shared quarters he could see her working on a report. Slowly she turned to him as her flyboy entered their shared room. One look and the floodgates were open. “St-stardust,” that was the only thing he could say before he collapsed into his lovers arms. The weight of Poe was too much for her tired body, so she tried to slowly sink to the floor. Smooth skin touched his stubble covered face as she put her arms around him. How many times he came home and fell into his girlfriend’s arms. “I-I…” he tried to speak but his mind was clouded. She put his head in the crook of her neck, a welcome act for Poe as he snuggled further into her neck. “Sssshhhh, I know. You wanted to give them a choice but they didn’t see it because they were taught another ideology. They got blinkers set upon their heads and the chance of free thinking ripped away. Blame the First Order, not you.” Poe turned his heavy head to his girlfriend,“ But I swore only to shoot to harm, not to kill. What is the difference between them and me?” She looked at him with so much hurt and worry in her eyes, “The difference is only minimal. You had a choice, they didn’t. There may be some troopers that think like Finn but most of them don’t know about the ability to make their own choices and that is unfair. They aren’t just numbers and soldiers, they also are human. You had to defend yourself.”
Poe shook his head, how could the light of his life be so soft and show so much sympathy in a cruel, seemingly endless war. “Y-you are too soft for this world, Stardust. You are the reason… the reason I still get in my X-Wing and plow up the First Order.” His other half looked at him with a soft smile and a question in her eyes. “Why me? There are other people out there needing your help more than me. I can defend myself.” Poe chuckled and looked into her eyes, like he was searching in a sea of answers only her eyes could tell him. Like the solution to every problem was in the galaxy of her eyes. And he found his answer. “Because I have to protect my spark of hope. Because you are worth bending my morals. Because you are the light that burns in my darkness.” And with every sentence he spoke to her softly he came near her soft lips, “Because I love you.” And with his final sentence he kissed his flame of hope.