Chapter Text
That first breath of air didn’t come properly, this time. His lungs greedily inhaled, but he got a mouthful of fabric instead, and started to sputter and cough. A shrill noise met his ringing ears, and someone swore.
“Get Quirin!” Someone yelled, and then there was a shadow looming over him. Hands snagged the sheet and pulled, and he sucked in the sweet, cold air. Cass’s face was the first thing he saw, staring at him with wide eyes.
She, somehow, didn’t look entirely surprised. Her lips were drawn back in a tight grimace, face pale and tired.
“Varian,” she said, brow furrowed.
“Move,” he rasped, struggling to sit up. She took his hand and hoisted him into a sitting position, then jumped out of the way as he leaned over the side and wretched. His stomach churned, still off even after death. His entire body trembled, practically vibrating as his heaves died off and he started to tip forward. Firm hands gripped his arms and kept him from falling over, holding him in place on the bed.
No, not bed.
Table.
“Varian. Kid, I-“
“Ugh,” he groaned, head already starting to clear a little. “Did- did I-“ He blinked a couple times, trying to focus properly. His gaze finally rested on the woman’s face, clarity in his eyes. “Is Rapunzel okay?”
“What?” She asked, brow furrowed.
“Is Rapunzel okay?” He asked a bit more frantically. The look on her face… it made him nervous.
“Varian… you were poisoned.”
“But is she okay?” Cass looked almost horrified by his question.
“You were killed.”
“Is she okay?”
A scream met his ears, and they both turned around. The brunette in question had appeared in the doorway. Her appearance was a sorry one. Bags under bloodshot eyes, pale skin. Frizzy hair and the same dress she’d worn to her coronation. She was a mess.
But she was here, and she was alive, so…
“Oh my god!” She shrieked, hands over her mouth. “Oh my god! I-“ She didn’t dare move, staring at him with huge, horrified eyes.
“He’s real,” Cass said quickly, hurrying to her friend’s side. “He’s real, he’s okay.” She cast one glance to the young man, then reworded her precious statement. “He’s alive.”
Varian, for his part, didn’t react to the blunder. He hurried to sit up further, nearly tipping again, and Cass had to hold him up.
“Rapunzel!” He cried, happy tears in his eyes. “You’re okay! I was so worried!”
“I- I’m okay?!” She still hadn’t moved, in shock. “I’m- Varian, you- you were dead. You are dead. You should be-“ She looked like she might faint. “How?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he assured her, still trying to reach for her. He longed for one of her hugs right now. He was cold, and she was always so warm. But she was just staring at him like she’d seen a ghost. “Rapunzel, it doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it matters!” She shrieked. “This shouldn’t be possible! You died!”
“Wouldn’t be the first time!” The entire room went still, and Varian realized two more people had entered the room. He also realized what he’d said.
Oh no.
“Varian?” Quirin asked, voice hushed. He, however, didn’t hesitate to rush for his son, scooping his baby into a hug and holding him close. He ran a hand back through his greasy hair, pressing kisses to his head. “Oh, son. I thought I’d lost you. I thought I’d lost you.”
“Dad,” he breathed, mind going a mile a minute. Everyone else was staring at him with unrestrained horror. They’d definitely heard what he said.
“This is a miracle I am eternally grateful for,” the man whispered, cradling his adult son close to his chest. “I won’t let anything happen to you again. I won’t-“
“What the hell do you mean, wouldn’t be the first time?” Rapunzel was staring at him, terrified and horribly confused. Eugene’s eyes were wide, still lingering in the doorway with a tight grip on the frame. Cass’s gaze had fallen to the side, an unreadable expression on her face.
Suddenly, the Queen was marching forward, wrenching Varian out of Quirin’s grip with shocking strength and holding him up by his collar.
“What do you mean?!” She demanded, shaking him slightly despite the cries of protest from her peers. “Don’t you lie to me this time, Varian! Don’t brush over that sentence! What do you mean?!” Varian’s fingers scrabbled against her grip, fear and something else flashing over his face.
“He means he’s died before.” All eyes turned to Cassandra, who’d crossed her arms and pinned her own gaze on the youngest. “Right, Varian? You’ve died before. In prison.” His brow furrowed.
“How do you-“
“How do you what?!” Rapunzel shrieked, jostling him again, and he cried out. Quickly, Cass wrestled him away from her, getting the boy a safe distance away from the frantic girl before damage could be done. He dropped back onto the table with quick breaths, hands wrapping around his neck. Rapunzel reeled back with wide eyes. “Varian, I’m sorry. I’m so-“
“Move,” Cass demanded, pushing both her and Quirin out of the way. Gently, she pried Varian’s hands away from his throat, stroking her thumbs against the backs of his hands.
Indents from fingers on his neck were on clear display.
“Oh my god,” Rapunzel whispered, hands flying over her mouth. “I- I didn’t touch his neck. I swear I didn’t.”
“You didn’t,” Cass sighed, waiting for Varian’s eyes to clear again. “Someone else did.” The boy was gulping in air, eyelids fluttering.
“Son,” Quirin whispered, frightened.
“It’s fine,” Varian rasped, shaking out his hands. “...was a long time ago.”
“You’re seriously not going to tell us?” Cass huffed, crossing her arms. The young man just winced, eyes falling to the floor.
“You were strangled.” Eyes turned to Eugene, who’d finally stepped into the room with a weary expression. “While we were gone, and you were in prison. You were strangled to death.” A horrified silence fell over them. Varian didn’t look up from the floor, but his face hardened into a look he hadn’t worn in a long time.
“How’d you find out?” He asked numbly, eyes flicking up toward them. A sarcastic lilt weaved its way into his tone. “I’d thought they covered the whole thing up. That’s why the stuck me with Andrew, to cover their tracks.”
“They can’t cover everything,” Eugene shot back, just sounding tired. “Cass knew your original serial number.”
“Well, they never told me how they covered it up,” Varian drawled, fists curling around the edge of the table. “I just know they did because nobody ever questioned anything.”
“How… how’d it happen?”
“How’d it happen?” Varian chuckled mirthlessly. “You know how many people I pissed off back then? It was easy. I didn’t even do anything and the guy was roughing me up. All it took was one little push before he couldn’t stand me anymore. So he just-“ He lifted his hands into fists, then mimed snapping something.
“Wait, you riled him up on purpose?” Cass interrupted, horrified. Blue eyes turned to her.
“I had to be sure,” he insisted. “It- it was crazy. You have to understand. I needed evidence that I wasn’t losing my mind. That it wasn’t all some nightmare. I need to be sure, and the only way was to…” His hand rose to his throat again. “It was the easiest option.”
“What are you talking about?” Cass snapped, panic rising with every word that spilled from his mouth. Did he even realize what he was insinuating? “What could you possibly have to prove?”
“That it was really true!” He cried, swinging his feet back and forth. “That I’d actually just come back! Reanimating and resurrection are such scientifically impossible anomalies, but here I am! Whoopdy doo!”
“You died before that??”
“Oh, honey, you have no idea.” A manic glint flickered to life in his eyes, and he started counting off on his fingers. “I’ve been frozen, impaled, burned alive, had my trachea crushed, turned into a fucking pancake, aaand-“ He set his hands back down. “Most recently had a bad glass of wine.”
No one responded to that. They were all just staring at him. He’d never said any of this out loud before. But now that he’d started, he couldn’t stop.
“Honestly, the prison incident was probably the least painful,” he admitted thoughtfully. “That guy sure was strong. Just one squeeze really did me in! I should have thanked him. That was the first real quality sleep I’d had in months! Kind of hard to sleep when everytime you close your eyes you see your own death. Well, one of them. My least favorite. Really sucked.”
“How did this happen?” Eugene whispered, barely moving a muscle. The airy way the boy was talking, it wasn’t just unnerving. It was terrifying. He spoke about his own murder with such ease, like it was just something one brought up in a typical conversation. “How do you-“
“Always come back?” Varian hummed. “You know, I didn’t know for a while either! Wasn’t until I met a certain little blue skinned murder princess that I found out. Did you know she was in my dream? In Cass’s tower. She went in my head. Talked to me. Showed me things.” His fingers fiddled with his shirt. “Explained why she saved me from that storm. Only reason I’m still here is because I needed to fulfill a purpose.”
“And I did!” He continued, hysterically chattering on. “I’ve fulfilled so many purposes. I translated the scroll- apparently the important thing. I saved Corona from the explosive chemicals I created. I guess I got you to go after the Moonstone, so that’s good! And I saved you! If I hadn’t drank from your glass, you’d be dead!” He smiled at Rapunzel, eyes not matching his lips. “Dead-dead!”
“Varian, I-“ The Queen fell silent. What did she say to that? What the hell did she say?
“So what if I’ve had to die half a dozen times?” He chuckled, voice rising in volume and pitch. “So what if I’ve had to deal with a lot of pain in my lives? I’ve been useful! That’s all I ever needed to do. I’m useful-!”
He was cut off by arms around him, and he nearly choked on air.
“Varian, you…” Rapunzel squeezed as tightly as she could. “You never needed to fulfill any purpose for us. We love you, not what you do.” He could hear the tears in her voice. She was trembling as she held him. But he didn’t understand. It wasn’t a big deal! It wasn’t…
Tears burned behind his own eyes.
“But that’s why I’m here!” He insisted frantically. “I’m here to help others! I’m an asset!”
“You’re a person.”
“You’re my son,” Quirin added, joining the hug and pressing Varian’s head to his chest. “I never needed you to be anything else.”
“I don’t understand!” He protested, struggling despite the warm feeling their closeness gave him. “All I’m good for is as a means to an end! It’s- it’s why I just pop back up! So I’m good as new! So I can be used again!”
“Nobody should be using you, Varian,” Eugene said gently, carefully adding his own pressure to the hug. Varian struggled again, tears welling in his eyes.
“You don’t get it! I’m not even human! I don’t deserve-“
“You don’t deserve what’s happened to you,” Cassandra cut off, adding a final squeeze to the walls they’d built around him.
And he just broke.
Tears streamed down his face, wails and sobs tearing from his throat. Incoherent words tumbled from his mouth, getting jumbled on his tongue and lost in translation. But no one let go. They didn’t let up on the pressure. They held him perfectly in place.
He was trapped! He was trapped!
“You are loved,” Rapunzel whispered. “You are so loved. You are valuable because you are you, not because of what you can do. Please, never forget it.” She couldn’t get a response, not as the young man choked on his tears, but she didn’t expect one.
This… this was bad. This was years of pent up feelings and pain, finally bubbling over. It wasn’t a one and done fix.
But…
“We’re here for you,” she continued, feeling the tears soak through her sleeve. “You don’t have to deal with this alone.”
Maybe, together, they could find him some healing.