Chapter Text
The end of her first semester arrives in a whirlwind.
Between classes, grant proposals, and her fledgling relationship, time seems to pass by faster than Makoto can keep up with. But through it all, she feels grounded and happy, moving towards her new goals in life.
Nothing is perfect, of course. She spends more nights in the library than she would like. Her first grant proposal gets rejected. She and Ren occasionally argue over when to do the dishes. They spent two weeks in June where they hardly saw each other because of their hectic schedules.
But everything is worth it. She gets the best grades in her cohort. She submits a second proposal. She and Ren are ridiculously happy together. When their busy season ended, they took a long weekend trip to Kanazawa.
Their updated relationship status doesn’t seem to take any of the former Phantom Thieves by surprise.
Even Ryuji, who Makoto had always thought to be the most oblivious of them, slaps Ren on the back with a boisterous, “Atta boy! ‘Bout time!”
Being with Ren is easy, natural in a way that she didn’t expect. They get along well, and understand each other in a way that comes from years of knowing each other. Their compatibility goes beyond any physical connection. But she doesn’t think her heart will ever not thrill at being able to touch him, hold his hand, kiss his lips.
It isn’t always smooth sailing, and neither of them are perfect, but they lean on each other and move forward.
Graduate school is a grind that differs from any of her previous school experiences in ways that she did not anticipate. While Makoto has always been good at studying, keeping her imposter syndrome and her feelings of lagging behind in check does not come easily to her. But she is nothing if not studious, so she picks up books on psychology, sociology, and others to better understand the crux of her struggles. It is simultaneously surprising and not, that everyone undergoes similar challenges. She learns how better to stand on her own two feet.
Makoto shares what she learns with Ren and she is able to coax him into sharing some of his own struggles. She learns about the self-doubt and anxieties that lie under his charming and nonchalant visage.
She realizes that Ren has been carrying his own share of emotional turmoil, ever since the Phantom Thieves incident in high school. As they begin to share more and more of their lives with each other, she realizes that his rejection by so many people back then has instilled an urge to be accepted and liked by everyone. He can’t help but want to please everyone and achieve everything, even as he works himself to the bone.
Makoto tells him about the doubts she had about his feelings for her that were sometimes fueled by his people-pleasing manner. With this information, he finally realizes the ways that his behaviour can be damaging not only to himself, but to those around him. Together, they work on setting boundaries, prioritizing, and ultimately, untangling their self-worth from the acceptance of others.
“I know your books say that we should be working on being happy within ourselves,” Ren whispers to her one night as she summarizes a chapter of a book, “but if you stop looking at me like that, I don’t know if I can ever be happy again.”
As ever, his words fluster Makoto to the point of speechlessness and he takes advantage of it, pulling her into a hug so warm and adoring that she can’t help but internally agree with him.
He is there for her when she has her moments of doubt and for that she is grateful.
When her first grant proposal was rejected, Ren comes over and makes her curry. He doesn’t let her linger on the past and helps her look into the future. Makoto began the night brimming over with anger and disappointment, chopping the vegetables with perhaps more force than strictly necessary. He draws her out of her protective walls with his calm and steady presence, supporting her through her frustrations, but reminding her of her strengths. He doesn’t let her curl into herself and let the self-berating words win.
Makoto ends the night wrapped up in Ren’s arms and with a plan of action to tackle the challenge ahead.
A couple of weeks after the end of the semester, Makoto receives a letter in the mail from the granting agency.
With shaky hands, she slices open the envelope. She holds her breath and she scans the page.
‘Dear Niijima Makoto,
The Japan Society for the Promotion of Science (JSPS) has completed the merit review of the applications submitted to the latest awards competition. I am pleased to inform you that as a result of your standing in the competition, JSPS is able to offer you a grant for the following…’
She rereads the letter three times before slumping down into her couch. Her heart feels like it’s beating out of her chest, and a laugh rises out of her, popping into the air like bubbles of happiness.
She wants to pick up her phone and call Ren, call her sister, email her advisors, message her cohort friends, but her body is so limp with relief that she can do nothing but lay back and look at her ceiling.
Everything that she’s learned in these last ten years comes flooding back. She realizes that progress is hardly ever linear. Maybe saving the world all at once, like she did as a high school kid, is impossible without the Metaverse, but change in the real world can be incremental and happiness is a process just like any other.
Makoto is here, loving others, being loved, and working slowly towards something meaningful.
And that is enough, in this big, wide world.