Chapter Text
The wind was howling outside, but the cup of tea between Eiji’s hands warmed him up all the way from his fingertips to his chest. It was cold, but he knew his bed would still be warm when he came back to it. Ash was there, sleepy as he had always been in the mornings, his face buried in the pillows.
The clock on the wall read five-fifty eight in the morning, and Eiji stood up from the chair at the kitchen table and walked over to the window. He had stood in that same spot every morning for two years, wondering where Ash could be. Wondering if he was alive. Wondering if he had done the right thing by letting him go.
Today, Ash was on his bed.
As if summoned, he heard the shuffle of slippers against his wooden floor, a sound that he had missed so much for far too long. He didn’t even have to turn to know who those steps belonged to.
“Why are you awake so early?” a sleepy voice asked next to his ear. He felt a pair of arms encircling his waist from behind.
He took a sip from his cup and then rested his head back against Ash’s shoulder.
“I like to watch the sunrise”, he only said.
“Hmmf…” Ash mumbled. “That’s the only thing worth watching in this dumpster of a city…” he yawned.
Eiji chuckled lightly, and for a moment, they stayed in a comfortable silence slightly swaying together, Eiji with his eyes on the window and Ash barely awake, his chin resting on top of Eiji’s shoulder.
“Come back to bed…”, Ash asked him.
Eiji smiled. “I just poured myself this cup…”
But then Ash started leaving featherlight kisses on his neck, which was a far better argument than whatever he had said, Eiji admitted.
“Come back…”, he asked again, the ghost of his fingers on his waist making Eiji lightly shudder.
“I bet I won’t be able to wake you up later…” Eiji teased him, but his voice faltered when those hands closed around his hips and held him in place.
“That depends on what we do exactly…” Ash said, his voice low.
And Eiji’s breath hitched.
When he turned around, he saw lust in Ash’s jade eyes.
The first years they had been together, whenever Eiji recognized lust in Ash, it was always mixed with something more complicated. It was either fear, anxiety, uncertainty, guilt, or frustration. And frustration made Ash angry. Angry at those who had taken from him, and angry at himself.
It made Eiji angry too. Angry at those who had taken from Ash. It made Eiji feel powerless. During those times, Eiji moved as if stepping on shards of glass. Sometimes what he thought were thoughtful and helpful questions, were double-edged swords. They made Ash self-conscious and left him feeling even worse. They made him hyper-aware of what had happened.
Neither of them were wrong. Neither of them were right.
Eiji took a proper look at the man in front of him this time. Ash’s hands were still closing around his hips, pressing him flush against him. It wasn’t a forceful grip, but it was enough for Eiji to feel Ash’s firm and warm body beneath the thin cotton t-shirt. The mere sensation of his abs, flexing and relaxing as he breathed, was enough to send a jolt of something through his body. It was Ash’s expression that left Eiji transfixed, though. Despite their hazy quality, his eyes were clear. There was nothing there but desire and confidence.
Eiji’s knees went weak, and Ash seemed to notice. He lowered his head to reach Eiji’s ear and spoke just above a whisper.
“Let me show you how much I’ve missed you, Eiji…” Ash insisted, and then pressed a soft kiss on Eiji’s neck.
There was a promise there, one that made Eiji’s heart race in anticipation. Was there anything more arousing than imagining Ash doing whatever he wanted with him?
Even that night on his couch, they had been overwhelmed with too many heavy emotions to enjoy themselves like this, but now Ash was eating him alive with a look.
“Come back to bed…”
—------
The bed creaked under their weight.
Eiji couldn’t tell if Ash’s movements were heavier because he had just woken up, or because he had definitely gained some muscle mass in two years. Whichever the reason, he welcomed the feeling of Ash’s full weight on top of him as his back hit the mattress. The next thing he knew, Ash was kissing him, his hands working the buttons on his pj’s open.
“I can’t believe you still wear a full set of pajamas to sleep”, he teased between kisses.
“What would you rather me wear then?”, he asked, unimpressed.
“Nothing” Ash answered as if on cue.
Eiji fought the heat creeping up his face, which only increased as the blond gave him a cocky smile. He playfully swatted Ash’s hands away, undid the two last buttons of his top, and tossed it away.
“Ca-”
He cut himself off. ‘Can I take your shirt off?’ , he would’ve asked in the past. As much as he knew asking was a great way to be supportive in some cases, working together also meant listening to Ash and believing in what he said was okay. He wanted this.
“Can you sit on the bed?”, he asked instead.
The smirk on Ash’s lips was all the confirmation he needed. He took Ash’s shirt off as he straddled him. The blond pulled him down to press him against his hips, his chest coming into direct contact with his own. God, he’d missed this. Not the sex, but the intimacy. The forgetting about the whole world while his eyes fluttered closed in a kiss.
Ash’s hands traveled from his lower back all the way up to his shoulder blades, and his lips started leaving a trail of small bites and kisses from his jaw to his neck. Eiji threw his head back, a pleasant jolt of electricity going up his spine. Ash had him at his mercy, continuing his sweet torture until Eiji’s skin turned red in some parts of his neck and chest. When he couldn’t take it any longer, he started combing Ash’s hair back in a futile attempt to distract him. His finger worked out some inexistent knots until his face was in full view, and Eiji pulled back just enough to hold his gaze.
It really didn’t matter how many times Eiji looked at that face. He knew that, many years in the future, Ash’s staggering beauty would still tug on his heartstrings. He ran a thumb over his cheek, and something inside him loathed to know he’d missed the moment Ash’s face had changed into a slightly more mature shape.
“You are thinking too much”, Ash said, and he grabbed the same hand that had caressed him and kissed it.
“I can’t believe you are the one saying that to me…”, he smiled at him, letting go of his thoughts and closing the distance between them again. He had promised himself to stay present and that’s what he would do.
To Ash, the last couple of weeks had been a revelation. Before, if someone had told him that he would be holding Eiji in his arms again like this, he would’ve shot them on the spot. The truth was, there were a few things he had discovered since THAT night when he snapped over David returning a fucking wallet and then his feelings were overflowing all over the place. However, the fact that shocked him the most was how his body remembered… in a good way, for a change. It was no surprise that his trauma had always betrayed him when he least expected it, but now he also noticed how his body craved the warmth that made him feel safe. That second-first kiss had ignited a chain reaction inside of him. His body remembered the softness of Eiji's skin, the sound of his breathing, the taste of his mouth, and the scent of his body. It was heaven, and even if it didn’t erase his unpleasant memories, it was enough to make him crave it and drown in the pleasure of it.
Now that Eiji seemed to understand this, Ash relished in the sweet grind of his hips against him. He was kissing Ash’s neck, his hands tracing the lines of his chest and back to then close around his shoulders.
Ash swiftly kicked his jeans and boxers off in one swift motion as he watched Eiji do the same. They moved back to their original position, this time skin against skin. The contact made Ash flutter his eyes closed for a second, and when he opened them, he noticed Eiji’s arousal slowly grow as he rocked himself back and forth against his hips. This time, instead of a timid and bashful look, he found Eiji biting his lower lip and his eyes pleading.
“You don’t have to restrain yourself…” Eiji said, and although he tried his best to sound cool, there was a shaky and desperate edge to his voice.
Ash gulped.
“I can… I want to…” Eiji trailed off.
Ash held him by the hips, guiding his movements and setting a slow and torturous pace. “Say exactly what you mean to say”, he demanded.
Eiji swallowed. There was still a trace of bashfulness in those eyes, but the yearning far overpowered it.
“Tell me, Eiji…” Ash coaxed, lightly sucking on the most sensitive part of his chest, his tongue toying with the bud. “Whatever you want, it’s yours…”
“I want…” Eiji rolled his eyes when a pulse of pleasure went straight from his nipple to his dick. “I want you to be selfish…”
Ash quirked up an eyebrow and looked up.
“Selfish?” he asked carefully. That wasn’t the answer he had imagined.
“Yeah…” Eiji rolled his hips again, but this time his hand started working up and down his length. “I want you to fuck me…” he finally said, barely in a whisper.
Now, THIS was the answer he had imagined. Ash had to close his eyes and take a calming breath when he heard it.
“Oh my God, Eiji…” he moaned. Eiji had just run a finger up his tip.
“Please, just do whatever you want to me…”
And Eiji just wished Ash knew how badly he wanted it. He had never been the one to voice what he wanted out loud, but it wasn’t the first time he had fantasized about this. The mere thought of Ash enjoying himself to the point of forgetting about everything else made his toes curl. He squeezed his thighs together when his mind provided him with a very vivid picture of it.
“Fuck…” Ash panted, his eyes glued to the beautiful image of Eiji pleasuring himself. “I’ve never…”
“I know…” Eiji acknowledged.
Ash had never let himself go. When it came to pleasure, even when it DID work out, he always restrained himself. He always tried not to use too much force, not to be too loud, not to enjoy it too much…
And Eiji? He wanted to give him everything.
Ash voice was resolute when he spoke.
“On your back”
—----
With one arm over his eyes, Eiji wondered if he had dug his own grave as he tried to muffle the desperate moans with his free hand over his mouth. He didn’t know how long it had been, but it was about the fourth time he had almost come with Ash’s tongue sliding under his tip and his fingers stretching him at the same time.
“I’m… I’m ready…” he pleaded, a tear rolling out of the outer corner of his eye.
“You’re not” Ash insisted, and he bobbed his head again.
Eiji saw stars and the whole goddamn universe, but still, he didn’t come. He dared to look down, but he instantly realized the mistake he’d made when he made eye contact with Ash.
“Fuck!” he threw his head back.
“Almost” Ash promised, and there was an edge of urgency in his voice too.
Ash wanted to. He really wanted to, to the point of making him the good kind of nervous. Eiji was panting, moaning his name, and Ash was carefully bringing him close to release. The most rebellious part of it? He was fucking enjoying it.
“For the LOVE OF GOD, ASH!” Eiji finally snapped.
“You’re ready, you’re ready…”, he conceded with a devilish grin on his face.
Ash let him go and fumbled with the condom in his hand, quickly rolling it down his own length and spreading lube all around it. He lifted Eiji’s hips and placed a pillow under him for support. Eiji was still panting, but despite his state, he took a moment to confirm.
“If this is too much-” he said. He still needed to make sure Ash was one hundred percent okay with this.
“No, stop it.” Ash interrupted him and lined himself up. “ You listen… if this is too much, you’ll tell me and we’ll stop, okay?” he demanded, nudging his tip against Eiji.
“I promise, I promise” Eiji nodded quickly, and then his voice melted into a breathy moan.
It was overwhelming.
Eiji could swear the rest of the world just vanished whenever they kissed. Ash was kissing him pouring his soul out as he slowly entered him. Eiji registered everything in his mind as if they were snapshots taken with an old camera; Ash’s expression while taking a moment to steady his mind and body, the crumpled sheets around them, his own hands shaking as he hooked them behind Ash’s neck.
Ash could swear he held the whole world whenever they kissed. He started with slow and paused thrusts, kissing away any discomforts Eiji could have. He lowered himself further, allowing his weight to press Eiji a bit more than usual. His hips seemed to move on their own, but he was still careful not to go too far. It was an internal fight he wished he was able to lose.
And Eiji could see it. He recognized the dancing flames in Ash’s green eyes as undeniable hunger. It was a fire that grew and flickered, and it seemed to consume him from within. He felt it in every tremble of his hips, and in the way Ash’s lips were desperately devouring his.
“You feel so good…” Ash panted, this time resting his forehead against Eiji’s. “You feel so so good…” he said as he punctuated the last word with a deep thrust and a kiss.
Ash ran his tongue from Eiji’s neck to his jaw, his chest, and back to his Adam’s apple. He marveled at the way his spine curved beautifully when he sucked on his nipple, and suddenly Eiji’s hips were meeting him halfway there. He fell forward when Eiji’s arms encircled his neck, bringing his ear right next to the erotic sounds rolling out of his mouth. He closed his eyes, and without realizing it, he matched the pace of Eiji’s moans.
“Ash…!” Eiji gasped when a particularly angled thrust hit him in the right spot.
He scratched Ash’s back as his heels dug behind him. Ash’s whole body responded with a shiver threatening to reach the breaking point of his self-control.
“Please… do that again…” Eiji pleaded with a shaky voice.
Ash’s face was hot. He held Eiji in a close embrace as he kept thrusting inside him, his pace becoming bolder. It took a couple more tries until he could finally find that sweet spot, only this time he hit it straight on.
“ASH!”
“EIJI, HOLY FUCK-”
And Eiji was squeezing him so hard that Ash had to double over and forcefully hold his hips in place so as not to come on the spot.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck… if you keep-” he hissed, but Eiji had started bouncing his hips to seek the contact he so much needed.
“There… there…” he chanted as a mantra to bear the pleasure coursing through him. “Please, please, please, Ash….”
And that was all it took for Ash’s brain to shortcircuit. He pulled out, a sound of displeasure leaving Eiji’s mouth, but it was soon replaced by a yelp when Ash flipped him into his hands and knees, and then entered him again.
This time, Ash didn’t hold back. He set a steady rhythm that soon turned into a feral pace. Each thrust knocked the air out of Eiji’s lungs until he didn’t have the strength to support his weight on his hands anymore. He let his face hit the mattress below him to focus only on the hot ball of pleasure quickly building on his lower belly. He distantly heard the headboard slamming against the wall, and he briefly wondered if his apartment walls were thick enough to make his bedroom soundproof, a question that had never crossed his mind before.
He didn’t have time to think about that any further, though. Ash had pressed his whole body against his back, and he could feel the wet slide of skin against skin with every deep push. Ash was keeping his hips in place with one arm, and even though he didn’t have a clear view of his expression anymore, he felt each puff of hot air against his left cheek as Ash lost himself in pleasure.
He tried to look over his shoulder, to form any coherent words that would somehow convey how much he was enjoying this, but all he could do was hear his own moans and cries getting louder, desperate. He took a certain kind of pride in the way this seemed to fuel Ash even more.
“Ash… Ash…!” he cried with tears of pleasure blurring his vision.
And Ash’s hand was snaking between his legs, pumping him fast as he spoke next to his ear.
“Let me hear you, Eiji…” he panted as if Eiji’s moans weren’t fucking loud already.
Eiji’s thighs started shivering, the mere sound of Ash’s low seductive voice making the spring inside him coil with exquisite tension.
“Come for me, Eiji…” Ash whispered again, and this time Eiji noticed Ash was barely keeping it together. His hips were moving erratically, just on the edge of his own orgasm.
With what could only be described as an olympic effort, Eiji looked over his shoulder and searched for Ash’s eyes. He could pinpoint the exact moment when Ash let go. The second they made eye contact, Ash just let himself go, thrusting deeper and grunting as he came. The intense rhythm had Eiji fisting the bedsheets, and he followed soon after. He squeezed his eyes shut until there was nothing but white pleasure coming in the strongest waves he had ever experienced. Ash rested his forehead between his shoulder blades as he rode out the electrifying pulses of his orgasm, his hands bruising his hips as he kept him in place.
For several minutes, the only thing heard in Eiji’s bedroom was heavy panting. The bed creaked when Ash carefully pulled out and then collapsed on Eiji’s back.
“Ooooohh God…” he exhaled.
“Are you okay?” Eiji asked, carefully flipping over so Ash was resting on his stomach instead of his back.
“I think…” he swallowed. “I think I went into another dimension”
Eiji laughed, and Ash just smiled when his whole body moved with Eiji’s.
“I think I went with you then…”
They stayed like that until their breathing became normal again and they felt a post-orgasmic drowsiness fall upon their bodies. Eiji was so checked out that he stopped feeling Ash’s weight on top of him. It was only when Ash stirred and moved that he was aware of his surroundings.
Ash lazily reached for a couple of wipes on Eiji’s bedside table and haphazardly cleaned the mess they had made. Then, he laid back down again, scooting Eiji closer to him, where the bed wasn’t a disaster. He wrapped his arms around Eiji, his right arm serving as a pillow for the other’s head.
“We need to change the bedsheets” Ash finally said.
“We need a bigger bed” Eiji replied.
Ash didn’t reply to that immediately. Instead, he placed Eiji’s head under his chin as he thought.
“Then, we might need a bigger apartment,” he said tentatively.
Eiji untucked his head from where it was. He felt Ash swallow hard when he spoke, clearly nervous from the suggestion. Eiji looked for Ash’s anxious eyes, and then he smiled softly.
“That’s even a better idea”
And Ash’s relief was palpable. Living together again, a new start. It sounded like the type of dream that had him staring at the ceiling for the last couple of years.
“Are you sure?” he still asked. “This is your apartment. You have a life here”
“The only things I had in this apartment are things I want to forget,” he said, and then he tried to suppress a smile when he added “...except for what we just did. I don’t want to ever forget that”
Ash laughed wholeheartedly this time.
“Me neither,” he said. He closed his eyes taking a deep breath and letting it out. “Please, me neither…”
And he internally wished whenever he thought about sex, the first thing that came to his mind was this. He had already seen a change during the two years they had been apart. He had come to miserably crave Eiji’s touch and warmth on the longest nights of his life. If he was honest, he couldn’t even remember where he spent his nights when he wasn’t with Max. However, what he vividly remembered was how strongly he longed for Eiji’s presence. It unleashed an internal battle inside him that took months to subside even in the slightest. It tortured him in the most confusing way, until after hitting rock bottom, he finally came to terms with his own desire. Now that Eiji was back in his life against all odds, he also felt a change. It was by no means the end of his trauma, but it was the first time he felt there was hope.
When Ash looked down, he found Eiji already asleep. He ignored the sun already up in the sky and he rested his head on the pillow, surrendering to sleep.
—---------------------------------------------
Four hours later, they were getting ready to leave Eiji’s apartment and meet with the gang. Everything had ended so suddenly that Ash hadn’t even had the time to check on his guys, and he still needed to deal with whatever legal bureaucracy Charlie had for him today.
Eiji’s style had changed a bit over the last couple of years. Aside from his hair being a bit longer, his clothing was also more oversized, and he wore more loose shirts in plain colors. Luckily for Ash, he could borrow some of Eiji’s stuff and pull it off. When they walked out of the apartment, Ash wore his jeans and a plain grey t-shirt. Eiji threw on a white t-shirt and a checked shirt over it. He grabbed the keys and they left the apartment soon after.
When they reached the elevator, a lady in her early 60’s was already inside. She held her hand out so that the doors wouldn’t close before letting Ash and Eiji in.
“Thank you Mrs. Garrison” Eiji said politely.
“Eiji, no worries. How have you been?” the woman asked with a smile.
“I’ve been doing great, thanks. How about you?” Eiji asked as they waited for the elevator to go down to the first floor.
“Same old same old… my back hurts, but that’s part of being alive, right?” she joked.
Both Ash and Eiji smiled as they nodded, and Mrs. Garrison’s eyes lingered on Ash.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t introduce you” Eiji suddenly said to Ash. “This is Mrs. Garrison, my neighbor”
The elevator’s cling announced they had reached the first floor.
“And this is-”
“Oooh, I know,” Mrs. Garrison said as the doors opened. “That must be Ash ”
The woman smiled with something Ash couldn’t recognize and then walked out the elevator.
Ash was about to follow her when he noticed Eiji was pale.
“Had you told her about me before?” he asked, a bit puzzled.
Eiji shook his head.
“No… I didn’t”
And it dawned on Ash.
“We definitely need a new apartment...” Eiji said, covering his reddening face.
Ash pursed his lips to keep his laughter at bay.
“Yup. A soundproof one”.
—------------------------
Lucky for them, Charlie had made things easy for them. Eiji would need to testify as a victim, but he had conveniently left out some details that could get them in trouble. Even his gang was safe, except for Jeff who just had to shoot that gun. Still, Charlie was doing everything he could to get him into rehab. He was still a minor, and even Ash agreed the kid had anger issues but didn’t belong in the streets. The Zakharev brothers, on the other hand, had no salvation. Trying to get Golzine’s money was just the tip of the iceberg of the many illegal businesses they had. Before leaving, Charlie had promised there was no way they would ever walk free again, which Ash highly doubted.
However, all that slowly faded from Ash’s mind as days passed.
They spent two weeks looking for a new place to live. They had considered going back to Japan, or even getting a modest place back in Cape Cod, but the truth was that they both were attached to the city. New York would always carry the weight of their story and people who they would never forget.
Time was a wonderful, mysterious, magical thing. Time had stretched endlessly between them for two years, and yet it was as though no time had passed when they saw each other again. Time could not get Shorter back, but it was the only thing easing the pain of his absence. Time had made their faces older, and had given them that youthful sparkle back to their eyes. Time was constant and relative at once.
They stood side by side now. Eiji carried a box with his photography equipment in his arms and Ash carried another with miscellaneous books. Their new place had a bed, a fridge, and a stove.
“Wow,” Ash said, leaving his box on the floor “It really looks empty”
“Yeah, but there’s a lot of room too” Eiji agreed, leaving his box next to Ash’s and walking to the small balcony outside. Although this was still New York and the streets were busting under their feet, Battery Park City offered a nice view of the Hudson River and a quieter atmosphere. The cool breeze rustled his clothes lightly and it hit his skin pleasantly.
Ash walked behind him, his arms encircling his waist and his chin resting on his shoulder. “It’s gonna take us a while to get it furnished this time” He smiled.
Eiji turned around. In the green of Ash’s eyes, he found all his hopes and dreams mirrored back. He kissed him, sweet and slow.
“It’s okay. We can do it.”
Of course they could.
They had all the time in the world.
THE END
--------------