Chapter Text
Paths is a place where anything and everything is possible. The infliction for pain is brought from here, Eren can be whoever he wants to be anywhere else. But his soul in paths? He is unrecognizable, aware of everything, shattered completely, full of heart or none at all. Nobody knows. No one tries to and Eren prefers that. His only good deed was to save someone special, somewhere. To him, killing billions is the way for temperament freedom. Deep down inside, Jaeger stills aches. Nothing can fix his deeds and nobody can change what he did to himself in another life, what he made of an innocent soul. Everywhere he goes, he remembers one person. One sin.
He only let Diana avoid Bertholdt, who was only twelve at that time. If Hannes never came in to take away Mikasa and Eren, he would be eaten too. Still, he let it happen. He didn’t control where she was going. The scenery of the sky in paths and the magical sand won’t change any of Jaeger’s darkest desires from a dystopian life. But that is only who he is in a mindless wasteland.
“Jaeger, you got me wrong. Entirely.” Eren says.
“You took advantage of my vulnerability.” Jaeger says.
“And you robbed me of a peaceful life.” his mirror spits back at him. “Frankly speaking… This is only happening because I love my mother. She deserves an apology even if it comes as a vague visit. Where you pretend to be me.”
“You know, Eren. She loved me too.” Jaeger says, salty water of the ocean could pour from his eyes and he could never have the good things he wishes for, it’s always the bad ones he grants for himself.
Jaeger looks down at the piece of paper Eren has given him. They part ways, finally learning that Eren did not mean to thank him for mass murder. He only wanted to give him momentary peace, which Jaeger always had. He does not long for more, he does not need a moral version of himself that he has tortured for more than ten years, to tell him what to do. What he does know is to let the innocent ones rest from all the nightmares. It all started and ended in Shiganshina, that’s where he’ll go. That’s where she still lives. Jaeger walks through the small town, much more developed than the one he’s seen.
A faint knock on the door is all it takes for him to hear his mother’s steps, one he knows so well having seen her everywhere, in every life. The speed, the soles of her shoes can’t change the sound. Her face is delightful when she sees her son but he is more delighted. Eren has really gotten the chance to watch his mother grow a few grey strands. Very faint wrinkles linger around her eyes, but those are the only aging signs she’s carrying. For a moment, Jaeger realizes that Eren has had everything he ever wanted. His wish to torture him with memories were all results of his unresolved jealousy, perhaps self hatred. Maybe Eren deserved to grow up without the guilt of having killed his mother in another world. But now all he can think of is her. Carla has always been astonishing, lush black hair and bright brown eyes. Her fire breaks the ice in Jaeger’s demeanor.
“You were waiting outside for a while, weren’t you?” Carla says. His eyes don’t leave her face. “Eren, are you going to come inside or not? I made some stew.” He hugs her, gently wanting not to have her snapped into two again. He sniffs her fragrant hair, his guilt washes over every limb of his.
“I missed you.” he whispers. “I love you too.”
“You saw me two days ago. You know I love you back.” she responds, a small smile on her face. He pulls back to take another look, to what he sacrificed. To the destruction he used to let a series of bad events follow.
“Are you eating well, Eren?” she says, concerned with the paleness on his face. Truly, his mind is heavy. He can’t say anything else.
“Goodbye, mom. I’m sorry.” he says, kissing her forehead.
“What are you sorry for?” Carla asks, trying to reach the hood of his cloak.
He runs off, heart shaking heavily. Jaeger will erase her memory of associating herself with a sinner, he will erase Eren’s knowledge of the past life too. He sought for freedom and he caged the ones who were given the privilege of a life free of unnatural tragedies. The rain paints the roads transparently, Jaeger is going away forever and letting the true mirror, his true reflection live in tranquility. He won’t come back here again. Seeing her is all he wanted and he knows he does not deserve it. He wishes he could apologize for leaving, but it is for the best even if it didn’t feel right for him. His beloved dove, hawk, dragonfly… his mother should live a life which will be rife and light.
Grisha Jaeger is walking towards his house with an umbrella in his hand, watching his wife outside. He walks up the porch of their house, where she’s longingly searching the premises.
“Carla?” he asks. “Is something bothering you?”
“Someone was at the door just a while before.” she says, heart suddenly aching at the subconscious loss of touch with her son.
“Perhaps they chose the wrong house to visit and realized when it was too late.” Grisha says, adjusting his glasses.
“Yes, sweetheart. You’re right.” Carla says, leaving a heavy breath.
It is the right house, the warmest house where she gets to live past her 40s.
Why is it that we run from what hurts us? The answer is faded when what hurts us runs away. Words once spoken get replaced by vague memories that we can’t recall. It is genuinely drowned in the telepathies that no longer haunt him, a sign Eren is sheepishly grateful for. Whatever awful thing caused nightmares no longer became the ones he sees now. It’s usually his wife becoming sick; he’d dream of miscarriages while she had her second pregnancy. Sometimes it would be his mother dying in a stampede. He sees good dreams too. The marching band of giants doesn"t bother him anymore. He does not even know about giants such as that, especially his act of directing them like a destined play. Eren Jaeger is a free man and has gotten past the shackles of darkness.
Eren and you have a beautiful daughter now. Supple flesh and rosy cheeks. You both have named her Charlize. She has dark hair much like her father, her eyes are big and teal as well. You hope to fill this house with more children, bantering with Eren as if you’d get a child who resembles you more. You can’t proclaim the stark idea of your child looking like you, you have thought of Eren as somebody so marvelous in the department of looks. He thinks the opposite, his eyes shine at your face and features. You are truly much more beautiful.
It has been over nine months and she can only say mommy, papa and… ‘fwok’. What an ostracization of a baby’s list of first words. You have been going to work after six months of staying at home in order to attend Charlize and Armin. Your shift has been shorter, whereas Eren’s is much longer due to his delay of three years. While you stay at work, Floch and Ymir look after the children in the daycare at the university. You have no idea why Erwin has appointed Floch, but you are grateful for Ymir’s increase of power over that man. Sometimes Historia would play with the children if she had no work left for the hour. Charlize has heard Ymir scold Floch so much, her head is infested with that word.
“Floch, you idiot.” “Floch, you hyena.” “Floch, don’t trick a three month old.”
So she said “Fwok” one day, which resembles the word ‘fuck’ and you really try your best to make Eren not laugh at her attempt. Eren also puts Floch in his place, he became too proud after being your daughter’s third word. Armin is usually on the carpet, playing with a train set in the daycare. You stop by to feed Charlize sometimes, she’s eager with her meals and can sense when your husband gets near you. She’ll be protective of her possessions, loved ones and meals too. You aren’t her favourite though, it’s Eren. She loves her father and rarely causes trouble near him.
What surprises you is Charlize’s intellect. She has specific indignations of where to sit or whose arms she wants to go to. She usually would stretch her arms in the direction of who she wants to be embraced by. When she wants to sit somewhere, she would try to push off whoever is holding her with two small hands. You may have dysfunction in your mental health after giving birth again, falling into situational depression or constant anxiety. Having her in your arms brings you instant relief, you feel less helpless holding her and she understands it and does not call for her father, even if she wants to. In many instances, Armin would see you cry and try to wipe your tears away. He does not rely on you or Eren as much as he used to before, obviously you both are present as parents but he is fine spending long hours away from you. He loves going to the beach, playing in the sand. Moreso, his little sister is his new source of happiness. He talks to her with his newly expanded vocabulary and strong formed sentences, he draws messy doodles of your family and can’t grasp the idea that he’s too small to carry Charlize.
Your mother and mother-in-law visit weekly, with presents for your children. Carla lives closer and often you leave Armin at his grandparents’ house. Eren smiles more at his mother, talks a lot more too. You see him get annoyed and throw a childish fit in front of his parents; which they laugh over because they have missed his impulsive. Did fifteen years really pass since he first began to feel uneasy? Eren hugs his mother from the back to surprise her, fixes his father’s glasses and has even thought of buying them a house near yours. They don’t wish to leave their place of comfort, it holds far too many precious memories to discard. The house is lovely too, they simply refuse to leave.
Zeke and Yelena have been engaged, Levi is the best man although he has declined it four times. Eren’s older brother truly has no shame as every invitation to Levi has been changed to the Ackerman’s liking. Jean and Pieck have had twins recently, this time Jean is staying home just as Eren had. Your husband refuses to lend his friend any advice on being a full-time father. Of course, Connie’s family business has expanded to a coffee shop chain all over Paradis.
At the end of today, both your children have been put to sleep in their nursery. Eren has finally reached the calming space of your bedroom where you lay in your cotton nightgown. You fix your glasses in order to proread some of Eren’s new research. Playfully, your husband perches beside you and snatches his papers away, proceeding to place them on the bedside table.
“Eren.” you whine. “Do you want it done by the deadline or not?”
“Mghhm, if it means being able to kiss my wife… I guess the deadline can delay itself.” he says softly, staring at your lips. You have to sleep but there’s nothing wrong for your husband to suck on your soft breasts to feast on your milk. It’s easier to wean your child than your husband. His sips are gentle and thoughtful, you are a luxury to him. A rare one. However, it can wait. He must have something to say. You see the fire in his once blank eyes, glimmering in adoration. You peck his lip and he kisses back, with more power and fervour. This is the man you’ve loved, the man who aches at the thought of hurting you, the man who would happily take care of the children you’ve birthed. Eren would love you no matter what situation. You gently push his face back, a thumb caressing his cheek. He is whispering words of love in your ears, holding your body the way he’d handle thin porcelain. His fragile heart is yours, your strength is what he has lived for as long as he has been with you. You are the redefinition of goodness.
“My love, you love me too much. Don’t you think so?” he says.
“I recall you loving me more.” you say.
“Will you stay here with me?” he asks, out of the blue.
“Why would I want to go away?” you respond back. “Are you going away?”
“Even if I had no choice, I’d choose with you.” Eren says. “If you left me, I wouldn’t heal at all.”
“I have forever to be with you.” you say.
“Forever, it is then,” he says, in peace.
“Forever, it shall be.” you reply.
Time has contradicted fate and love will extend in a mass we call lifetime, a luxury that no one can buy.