Chapter Text
War stayed the same, no matter who or what we were fighting. Life continued, without the people who had fallen along the way. I learned that, but it was a lesson life seemed to want me to learn over and over again. I stared blankly into the hills and hills of Graves scattered about the grass. My green dress blew its fabric through the wind, something that would be beautiful if not for the landscape I found myself in. I stepped across the moss, glancing at the names engraved on the stone monuments.
There were too many I recognized.
I had made it a habit to avoid visiting the place. I had thought that pretending the death toll was only the people I knew personally would protect me, but being in the remaining scours meant hearing the wails and cries of those who lost people. Grieving never really suited me, yet there I was. I stopped by Petra, Olou, Gunther, and Eld's Graves. I stared at them for a while, said nothing and continued. I continued walking up the bigger hill, the tallest one with a singular grave situated atop. I walked as slow as I could, but despite my internal struggle, there I was, atop his grave with a bouquet of daffodils clutched in my grasp. I re-read the name several times, and even months later, seeing his grave in person hit me somewhere I didn't realize it would.
Erwin Smith
Beloved Commander of the Survey Corps
"We couldn't have done it without you."
The grave was damn right. I kneeled before the stone, placing a hand on its exterior.
Tears streamed down my face.
The gut wrenching feeling was something I couldn't express. It went beyond words. I could compose myself with my squad, but the second it really hit me, I collapsed. I laid on the grass, balled up on my knees as I held a firm grip on my forearms. He was gone, really gone and there was nothing I could do for him this time.
I didn't know what purpose I had to serve now that Erwin was gone.
I kept sobbing. It was like it couldn't stop. Tear after tear dropped from my lashes, until they touched the dirt he lay under. I didn't think I'd ever be able to get up.
But I did. I wiped my nose and cheeks, looking at his grave once more before placing the daffodils delicately at the bottom.
"The flowers are beautiful, aren't they Erwin?"