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hold me together (because i'm falling apart)

Summary:

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Minsoo’s voice was quiet.

“W-what?”

“Maybe-maybe if you didn’t feel comfortable talking to me, you could’ve gone to Daehyun, or Dongho-hyung! There was no reason for you to go through all of that.”

“What are you talking about, hyung?”

“Goddammit, Jaewon. How long were you going to pretend the CEO wasn’t forcing you into scandal after scandal?”

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Minsoo was sitting in the practice room, when he heard it. It was quiet, and he wouldn’t have heard it if it weren’t for the silence permeating the building at this late hour. A sob. He crept closer to the source of the noise, eyes widening as he saw Jaewon curled up against the wall, one hand clutching at his hair, the other clenching in front of his heart. He was shaking. Minsoo’s hand reached out involuntarily as another sob wracked Jaewon’s delicate frame.

His phone chimed. Minsoo saw Jaewon’s breathing speed, before he seemed to get a grip on himself, slowly bringing his breathing under control and wiping his tears. Glancing around, as if to make sure no one was watching, Jaewon quickly stepped into the restroom. Minsoo followed, wondering why he stayed just out of sight, not reaching out to Jaewon, just following silently.

Minsoo let out a quiet gasp as Jaewon brought out a compact and a bottle of concealer. He applied it with practiced ease, hiding the dark circles and splotchy skin. If it weren’t for his slightly red eyes, you’d never even guess that something was wrong. (Minsoo wondered how many times he’d walked into the dorms like this, none of them even thinking there was anything under the glass-perfect skin.)

Jaewon leaned against the sink, taking a shuddering breath and Minsoo’s heart just ached. He wanted so bad, to just wrap Jaewon in his arms, hold him together, tell him that it was going to be okay. But no. He stopped himself.

Ever since they’d moved into the dorms, Minsoo had been sure Jaewon was hiding something, and even more certain that it had to do with the company. He had to get to the bottom of this. He had to find out what had Jaewon so upset. And, as he knew from previous experience, he wasn’t going to get answers by asking for them.

He heard Jaewon take a deep breath, before turning around. Minsoo quickly ducked out of sight, staring after Jaewon, as he walked towards the stairs, completely ignoring the elevator.

Minsoo guessed this was so he’d have more time to compose himself. And how sad it was, that Jaewon had felt the need to take that thought into consideration. Still, it worked out in his favor. It was much easier to hide from Jaewon in the stairwell, than it was in a cramped elevator.

Silently falling into step behind Wyld, he felt a vague sense of familiarity with the surroundings as they stepped into a hallway. Realization dawned upon him. They were heading to the CEO’s office. But this late? Was the CEO the one who’d texted Jaewon? How did the CEO know that Jaewon would be awake at all?

When Jaewon stepped in front of the CEO’s door, he was shaking again. Minsoo resisted the temptation to wrap his arms around the younger. Jaewon would only retreat further, and Minsoo couldn’t do anything until he understood the situation. Jaewon raised his hand and knocked, breaking Minsoo out of his thoughts.

“Come in,” a voice called from inside.

Jaewon opened the door and slid inside. “You-you called for me, sir?” Minsoo stepped closer to the door, almost pressing his ear against it. His eyes were wide, in both anticipation and dread of what he’d discover.

“Ah, yes. Wyld. I’m disappointed in you.” Oh. Minsoo sighed as he understood. This was one of Wyld’s scandal lectures, wasn’t it? He mentally hit himself for thinking it was anything more. A small part of Minsoo had always wondered how the CEO was so calm after Jaewon’s scandals, merely calling him to his office for a conversation. (He ignored the memory of the time he’d seen Jaewon after one of these meetings, eyes glassy, as if someone had sucked the life out of him. He ignored the part of him that said Wyld deserved it.)

He made to step away from the door, before the CEO’s next words stopped him. “First, you cost us profit by not allowing the photo to go public.” What? “Second, you refuse to even make up for that with another scandal. Have you forgotten that Mayhem is indebted to me?” Minsoo shook his head. This- this wasn’t going where he thought it was. It wasn’t. Th-there was no way- “Perhaps I should estimate how much I could have made from that photo and add it to the debt?” Minsoo felt vaguely lightheaded. He pinched himself. Maybe- maybe this was just a nightmare. The sting in his arm said otherwise.

Wyld’s voice was frantic. “No!”

Minsoo could practically hear the CEO’s smirk in his next words. “No?”

Please.”

“Then beg.” Minsoo couldn’t contain his gasp. Surely-surely, this was as far as Jaewon would allow it to go.

And then, Jaewon’s voice rang, quiet, pleading. “Please. Please don’t punish Mayhem. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have disagreed with you.” Minsoo felt his heart breaking with every word. How long had this been going on? How much had he failed as a hyung, as a leader? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“Lower.” Minsoo felt his knees give out, and he silently slid to the ground. Fitting, he thought bitterly.

“Please. Please sir. I-I’m sorry, sir. Please don’t punish Mayhem.”

“Hmm. I’ll consider. If you go out tonight.” Minsoo had suspected, but to hear his doubts confirmed like that? It tore his heart in two.

“Th-thank you, sir.”

“Don’t disappoint me again, Wyld.”

“…yes sir.” Jaewon sounded so resigned. Minsoo felt his eyes prickle.

“You sound hesitant, Wyld. Need I remind you that each scandal makes Mayhem’s popularity rise?” Oh. Oh no. A tear escaped his tight control.

“N-no sir.”

“Hmm. You’re dismissed.” Minsoo scrambled to get away from the door. When Jaewon stepped out of the door, his shoulders were slumped in defeat.

This time, Minsoo didn’t ignore the temptation to run up to Jaewon. “Jaewon-ah!”

Jaewon jumped, whirling suddenly. “Oh. It’s you, hyung.” His shoulders didn’t relax even after seeing Minsoo, and, he had to admit, that hurt. It wasn’t like he’d given the younger much of a reason to like him, but he liked to believe that he did his best to take care of the other members. “What are you doing here?” Jaewon’s eyes widened suddenly. One hand reached out and brushed away a tear. “What happened? Were you crying?”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Minsoo’s voice was quiet.

“W-what?”

“Maybe-maybe if you didn’t feel comfortable talking to me, you could’ve gone to Daehyun, or, or Dongho-hyung. There was no reason for you to go through all of that.”

“What are you talking about, hyung?”

Goddammit, Jaewon. How long were you going to pretend the CEO wasn’t forcing you into scandal after scandal?”

Jaewon’s eyes were wide, and Minsoo was dismayed to note the tears that were welling up. “H-how do you know about that?”

Minsoo furiously scrubbed at his eyes, before swallowing. “Can I hug you?” Jaewon nodded, hesitantly. Minsoo wrapped his arms around Jaewon’s shaking form.

“Jaewon-ah? If you-you’re ever hurting, if you ever feel like you aren’t wanted, if you ever feel like Mayhem doesn’t need you, please, please talk to us. Mayhem, we-we care about you. Jaewon, we need you.” Jaewon took a shuddering breath against his chest.

“Did-did he ever-” Minsoo paused. “Did he ever hurt you?” Jaewon didn’t respond. Minsoo sucked in a breath. “I’m so, so sorry, Won-ah. So sorry.” His voice cracked. He felt something wet on his neck and felt a pang as he realized that Jaewon was crying. He rubbed light circles on Jaewon’s back. “Shh. It’s okay, Jaewon. It’s okay.” Minsoo swallowed. “He-he’s never going to touch you again. I’m here now, Jaewon. Hyung’s here.”

Guilt coursed through him as Jaewon sobbed. He should’ve noticed. He should’ve known. Even if he disregarded his responsibility as leader, he was still Jaewon’s hyung for god’s sake.

But guilt was for later. Guilt was for when Jaewon wasn’t falling apart in front of him. Guilt was for when he was alone in the dorm, with no one to hear his tears fall. Right now, he had to be Mayhem’s leader, Jaewon’s hyung, and hold him together. He had to be strong. And wasn’t that a just sentence?

Notes:

This is kind of crap. I'd really appreciate any feedback, and all kudos and comments are always appreciated. Thank you for reading! <3