Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nya isn’t doing… well, to say the least. 

She and Jay both haven’t been well. 

It’s been six weeks since time was reversed. 

Six weeks of nightmares, memories neither of them want, worried staring from the rest of the team, and wishing hoping for things to get better, yet being left in utter disappointment at every turn. 

Not only is keeping the secret and acting like everything is fine from, arguably, the only people in Ninjago who know them better than anyone else, not been a walk in the park, but Nya is only now realizing just how much shit there actually is to unpack from the ramifications of Jay’s final wish. 

That was six months, half a year, and a lot of friggin’ time!

Gone. 

Reversed. 

Just like that. 

And it’s been proving a little hard to process for Nya, personally. 

Sometimes she catches herself slipping up and just plain forgetting what has and hasn’t happened yet in this new timeline, there having been several instances of her referencing conversations or interactions between her brother or the others and them having no idea what she’s talking about. Like deja vu in reverse. 

A small inconvenience, all things considered, but it still leaves Nya with a sinking feeling in her chest every time it happens. 

Or that might just be the phantom pains of her scar she’s had to get used to. 

Nya doesn’t know.

But there is one thing Nya is sure of. 

The nightmares are getting old at this point. 

And Nya is no stranger to nightmares, not by a long shot. With the lives they live and things they go through on the daily? It’s rare to go a full week without at least one person waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. The aftermath of Zane’s sacrifice and the whole thing with Morro had been especially hard on everyone’s dreams. And even before that, when Nya was much younger, she used to have nightmares about her parents. So you’d think she’d be a pro at dealing with them. 

But in the past few years of them all living together, nightmares are usually fixable, or at least remedied, by a comforting shoulder or five to cry on, a hot cup of cocoa, and promised reassurances. And that’s a little hard to ask for or get when you’re having nightmares about an incident eighty percent of your family can’t remember. 

It’s not like Nya’s alone in her little dilemma, she’s very much not, and Jay does try his best when she has a nightmare, and vice-versa, but when both parties are equally as confused, desperate, and traumatized, or whatever, it’s just a bit more difficult. 

The majority of their nights are spent alone together after nightmares or insomnia, whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears. Sometimes they talk and sometimes they don’t, sometimes they find something trivial to do to pass the time, other times they make their way down to the workshop to tinker and work on miscellaneous projects, a welcome distraction from the weight of everything. 

On top of everything they went through together, Jay has his own set of traumas to deal with, and Nya has spent a lot of time thinking about that, specifically, especially since Jay told her about his memory coming back in the form of dreams. Nya finds that focusing on Jay’s problems has helped her just plainly ignore her own, and she genuinely believes that’s for the best. In order for her to feel better, Nya needs to have something to fix, needs to have something she can do to help, otherwise she’s utterly useless and that is not something she is willing to be if she can help it. 

But while Jay’s nightmares get violent and visceral, haunting his psyche like a hurricane of relentless storms, Nya likes to describe hers as quiet and unsuspecting, leaving her breathless and choking at every instance, yet all the more terrifying at the same time, like the one that’s just woken her out of the longest sleep she’s gotten in weeks a few moments ago. 

And now she’s left sitting on the edge of her bed, trying in vain to will her lungs by sheer force to work properly, and doing her best to manage her choked breathing. FSM, she can’t breathe. She can feel her heart beating irregularly fast in her chest, trying to pump enough blood to compensate for the apparent lack of oxygen in her bedroom. 

The worst part is she can’t even remember exactly what the dream was about!

But it’s always a variation of the same thing. 

Either she’s dying or Jay’s dying, someone’s always dying, and somewhere there will be vague glimpses of orange mist and a suave accent with dangerous hands on her waist, and no matter the situation, she’s always powerless to do anything. 

And of course her psyche has to throw in that last bit just as soon as she’s finally starting to find and own the identity and role she chose for herself. 

But Nya knows for sure, despite what Jay believes, he had… has it worse. 

The weight of the world was laid on his shoulders because of one dumb mistake that he has long since made up for, he was held hostage, manipulated, taunted, and tortured for weeks, left with so many horrible injuries that are now scars, he was all alone and up against a psychotic sadist by himself for so long, and then he had to watch and hold her as she… 

As she died.  

And really, that’s the only thing that happened to her, and compared to what Jay went through, she thinks that’s pretty tame in… in comparison. 

Yeah, she had to watch as her family was cornered and picked off one by one. And sure, she was being hunted for marriage by a psychopath who, made it abundantly clear, didn’t give a single shit about her consent, or lack thereof. And okay, she had to take care of Jay by herself as he fought off an infection and drug withdrawal without any proper medical supplies. And… and then her bodily autonomy was taken from her as a woman who’s reflection she’s come to despise took control, while all Nya could do was watch as she and that djinn were becoming more and more intimate…

But Jay and the others came for her just in time, and thank the First Master it never went that far. 

Regardless of how bad her experience was or was not, Nya’s strong and she knows it. She can handle her shit alone. Despite the fact that accepting help was the pivotal lesson she had to come to terms with when she’d pushed Jay through the portal at the lighthouse. If she can’t fix her own problems, at least helping Jay with his makes her useful. This way she doesn’t feel so helpless. She is tired of being helpless. 

She tries to be transparent about her dreams to Jay so he doesn’t feel as alone, and it usually ends up working as good as she can hope for, but as of late? Jay quit actually opening up to her in detail like before after the night a couple weeks ago he had a nightmare so violent it woke the rest of the ship up, leaving him so tense with pent up electricity from his powers it must’ve hurt, but she can’t exactly blame him. 

She can’t blame him for hiding things, because she’s been hiding stuff, too. 

She hasn’t told him about how Nadakhan looked at her, what it felt like to be trapped behind possessed eyes, being powerless to do anything as everything she cared about was being taken away. Forced to watch as Nadakhan took out her family one by one again and then taunted a very traumatized Jay after the fact, what Nadakhan and Delara would’ve done with each other that night if Jay hadn’t come when he did… what she saw when she died. 

No, Nya can’t blame Jay when she’s hiding things like this. 

They’ve always been similar in that manner; Jay deflecting all his problems like they were nothing more than a minor inconvenience, and Nya shoving all the bad down so far deep in her mind in hopes to just avoid her problems all together.  

It’s little tidbits like that Nya comes to realize is probably one of the reasons they didn’t work out the first time. Communication was not their forte, among other things. 

Once Nya gets a hold of her breathing enough to stand, she quietly leaves her room and tip-toes her way to the bathroom, then slowly closes the door. She takes a deep breath to calm herself, her hands grip the countertop so hard her knuckles turn white, and it takes herself much more convincing than it should to get her head to lift and look at her reflection. 

Her brother’s complaints about her recent unusual behavior from earlier flash through her memory. 

“Sis, you’re starting to freak me out with all your dazed staring and not sleeping. You and Jay have been acting weird for weeks now and you won’t tell anyone why. This isn’t like you, Nya. What’s scaring you so much?”

Her family is noticing her and Jay’s behavior a lot more recently, and she gets it because their behavior is starting to become everyone’s normal now, and she knows it’s not fair to the others, but she doesn’t know what to do. 

Nya knows she’s been spacey a lot recently. 

It’s something no one’s been shy to call out, the same with Jay’s simultaneous jitteriness and irritability.  

Not for the first time in her life, she’s at a loss. 

And she’s supposed to be the one with solutions, the one who always has a plan… And she wants… needs to help Jay…

But right now, she can’t even help herself. 

She finds herself blankly staring at her reflection in the mirror and…

Nya barely recognizes the girl looking back at her. 

She hates the person she sees. 

She looks too much like someone else. 

If she stares at herself for too long, she starts to see green eyes, a malicious smile, a seductive voice. 

Logically, despite the glaringly obvious similarities between her and Delara, even though they’re hard to distinguish between when she stares at her reflection late at night for too long, deep down Nya does know she is her own person. 

It just… takes a while… to realize that sometimes. 

Tonight is one of those nights apparently, and a huge part of her really wants to go get Jay so he can convince her that, yes, she’s real, she’s herself, she’s Nya , like he has a few times before… but if Jay hasn’t already come to her by this time of night, it probably means he’s asleep. Which would make this the first time Jay’s been able to stay asleep for this long in weeks if he truly did pass out after skipping dinner again like she thinks he did, so she can’t ruin that for him. 

She’s fine, she’s strong, she’s Nya, she can do this herself. 

After several agonizingly long moments, she snaps herself out of the haze, letting go of the countertop and splashing cold water on her face, the comfortable hum of her powers itching at her fingertips as she does so. She makes it a point to list off and name the features she knows are her own to herself before she can start crying.

Her hair is unkempt and frizzy, yet soft and smelling of her apple-scented shampoo from her shower earlier in the evening, and almost reaching her shoulders since she hasn’t cut it in two months. The blue studs, which were a gift from Zane on her last birthday, are standing out on her ears against the gray of the bathroom and her tank top. The mole on her cheek she usually covers with concealer is visible, smudged mascara on her eyelids. Brown eyes are staring back at her instead of green, impressive dark circles beneath them. 

She looks down at her arms, miscellaneous scars from over the years here and there, chipped blue nail polish coating each of her fingers, courtesy of one of Jay’s bad nights when he needed a distraction and refused to talk a few days ago. 

The tank top she’s wearing is cropped, showing off her toned stomach, shoulders, and arms she’d worked so hard for in her years of training, while as from the pictures Nadakhan had showed her, she knew Delara was a few inches taller, had a fairer complexion, and a slightly more muscular frame. 

Her choice of top also shows the scar marring a good third of her chest. 

She hates it. 

And she knows it’s hypocritical of her to think that when she spends so much time telling Jay his scars are nothing to be ashamed of, that they’re proof he survived and won. 

But Nya just hates hers so damn much. 

It’s ugly, ragged, and tinted a sickly shade of green, a splash pattern placed just below her neckline and stretching to the point just above her breastbone. 

Some part of her realizes she’s too exposed, and if anyone other than Jay were to walk in right now there’d be no way of hiding it, but when she’d woken up from her nightmare, the sweatshirt she’d been wearing was too suffocating and hindering her already raspy breathing. 

She needs to change her look. 

The thought comes to her almost out of nowhere, but she can’t stand seeing someone else in the mirror anymore. It’s terrifying. 

She’s already having trouble proving herself and making a name from her abilities, she doesn’t need to experience depersonalization on top of that. 

Nya digs through her brain trying to find something she can do right this second to her body to make it her own. She needs to make a change to separate herself from that woman she keeps seeing in the mirror. 

Then Nya gets an idea. 

She looks at the piercings on her ears. Delara had several piercings, too. At least she did in the pictures. 

But she didn’t have a nose piercing?

A lightbulb goes off in Nya’s brain so she quickly runs to the kitchen and sifts through Zane’s sewing drawer, she finds what she’s looking for and grabs a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. Running back to the bathroom, she dunks the needle she found in the alcohol to clean it and positions it at her nose where she wants it. 

But…

The tears in her eyes are making everything blurry, and she can’t get her hands to stop shaking enough to get a good position. 

Fine, then. 

Time for plan B. 

Nya hastily wipes the tears from her eyes and sets the needle down on the counter, clenching and unclenching her fists to help her hands stop shaking. She draws in a small sphere of water in her hands, and flows it elegantly in and out between her fingers to soothe herself, letting the water fall back into the sink once her breathing softens. 

She leaves the bathroom and quickly pops back into her room on the way to the boys’ bedroom and grabs the first shirt she sees to throw over her tank top, it’s one of Cole’s band shirts she stole from his hamper last time he did his laundry. It’s way too big for her, the end of the shirt almost reaching her knees, but it’ll have to do for now. She just needs a needle to go through her body, and she needs it now, so she quietly tip-toes her way into the boys’ shared room. 

She could hear Cole’s snoring a mile away so she knows he’s asleep, Zane and Kai also seem peaceful enough, Lloyd is deep asleep, too, but keeps tossing and turning, although her younger brother has always been a restless sleeper, but Jay…

Well, he’s asleep, too, albeit looking much less peaceful than the other four guys, but he is asleep, at least. Jay is curled on his side, almost in a fetal position and facing the doorway, hugging his plush bear that he gets embarrassed about sometimes, his brow is creased but his breathing is even and steady. 

It’s the closest thing to peaceful he’s looked in a long time. 

But she refocuses on her objective and climbs up Zane and Kai’s bunk so she can get to her brother.

“Kai?” She nudges her brother, whispering as loudly as possible without waking Jay or the others. “Hey, psst! Kai!”

Kai groans irritably, “Nya? FSM, what time is it?” He asks, voice groggy and muffled from where his face is buried in his pillow. 

“Four am. I need your help.”

That fact that she’s downright asking for help is a red flag in of itself and it forces Kai awake, he raises a worried eyebrow. “Are you okay? Where’s Jay-“

“Asleep,” Nya says guiltily. “I didn’t wanna wake him.” 

Kai sighs, but he seems to understand. “Okay okay, fine. I’m coming.”

She smiles and hurriedly but quietly climbs down the ladder and leads Kai to the bathroom where her equipment is set and ready. 

Kai sleepily leans on the doorframe, rubbing his eyes. Nya hops up on the counter and holds out the needle for Kai. “I need you to give me a nose piercing.”

There’s a beat of silence as Kai raises an eyebrow wearily. 

“Nya,” Kai deadpans, expression looking very annoyed. “You woke me up at four in the morning, the night before sunrise exercise, mind you. To… pierce your nose?”  

“Yes, keep up. I already got everything ready, I just couldn’t get a good angle.” She shoves the freshly sterilized needle she grabbed from Zane’s sewing cabinet towards Kai. She frowns when her brother hesitates. “ C’mon, Kai, you did my ears when we were kids, you literally did Lloyd’s last month, and you’re the only one who can heat up the needle with your fingers.”

Kai sighs heavily, taking the needle from her hands, but Nya doesn’t think he looks irritated anymore. Her brother seems almost… worried. 

Kai’s always been good at reading her. They did raise each other, after all. 

“Nya,” he says gently. “What’s really goin’ on, sis? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say this is because of whatever you and Jay are freaked out about. What aren’t you telling me?”

Nya hesitates, subconsciously rubbing at her scar. “I just need a change. That’s all.”

Kai gives her a look, “Nya.”

She sighs, letting out a breath. “Look, I-I can’t tell you, okay? I will eventually, promise, it’s just… something between me and Jay.”

He furrows his eyebrows skeptically, “Did he do something to you? Because if he did, I swear I’ll beat his ass, Nya. He may be my brother, but you’re my sister first.”

“No!” Nya presses her palms against her eyes in frustration. “ FSM, no, Kai, this isn’t his fault, it’s far from it!”

“Okay, okay! Message received, I got it.” Kai frowns sympathetically, raising his hands in defense, “Nya, are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

Nya smiles tightly, “Yeah, Kai. Promise. I just… need to be my own person and this is a first step. Okay?”

Kai doesn’t drop the worried look, but he sighs and relents. “Okay. If you say so. But you know you can tell me anything, right? I’m always gonna be here for you, yeah?”

Nya nods, “I know. And I promise I’ll tell you eventually, I’m just… figuring some stuff out.”

Kai seems satisfied enough with the answer, and roughly fifteen minutes later, Nya has a hole in her nose and winds up with two more in each ear.

She looks at her reflection once Kai is done. It’s not that big of a change, honestly small in the grand scheme of things, and her hair covers her ears anyway, but it was a decision she made herself in regards to her own body, and for the first time? Nya sees herself first in the mirror, not Delara. 

Nya turns to Kai and practically jumps at him for a hug. “Thanks, Kai.”

Kai squeezes her back hard, “Anytime, sis.” 

When Jay compliments her new additions as soon as he sees her the next morning with a small yet genuine smile, even though his face is lined with evident exhaustion and weariness, Nya pretends it doesn’t make her heart flutter. 

—

Today was a bad day. 

And while that’s not necessarily a surprise, the bad days have been outweighing the good for her and Jay recently, but today was especially… not good . 

Mainly because Jay had ended up in the emergency room. 

They’d been called to stop a disturbance at the new bank downtown, but the officer that requested their help left out a few details, and said disturbance ended up being seven armed gang members attempting to break into the vault. 

Other than being unprepared, they weren’t having a lot of trouble, nothing they hadn’t handled before, until it happened. 

After a few minutes, she’d given up on keeping Jay and his almost concerning style of fighting in her peripheral when she’d barely dodged a well-aimed punch to the face, he’d somehow managed to get separated from everyone else after taking care of one of the two guys he was fighting, winding up two blocks away and stuck with the assumed leader of the gang by himself. 

But that wasn’t the issue. 

Jay can handle himself, and since he reversed time he’s adopted several mannerisms that could only be described as dirty and downright desperate when fighting or sparring. (He’d punched Kai in the throat when he was cornered during the last sunrise exercise).

Nya knows why, she’s not an idiot. 

But she doesn’t even figure out what was really wrong until much after the fact. 

Nya’s still kicking herself about not noticing until it was too late, and she knows everyone else is too. They’d all been too caught up in evacuating the nearby civilians and fighting to even notice Jay was missing until they heard his scream. 

The guy had somehow managed to get the upper hand on Jay, and when she and Lloyd rushed to help him, he had Jay pinned on the ground with his hood discarded to the side. He had a firm hand on Jay’s neck with a knee on his back, and wrist twisted at an odd angle behind him.

Before either Nya or Lloyd could react, Jay, gasping for air at being choked, let out a vicious growl, eyes almost glowing, and his body was suddenly surrounded by lightning, stray flashes striking the ground around them, yet almost purposefully avoiding her and Lloyd. He let out another scream and a loud clash of thunder rang out across the city, and suddenly the guy who had Jay pinned was the one screaming. The man fell away smoking, giving Jay enough room to stumble to his feet as fast as he could. 

She was at his side in a heartbeat, pulling him further away from the commotion as his legs buckled and he fell to the ground again, one hand clenched his hair in a white-knuckled grip, while the other hung limp looking very obviously broken, just as Lloyd got his hands on the now-smoking assailant. 

Cole, Zane, and Kai rushed over seconds later, asking everyone about the commotion and if they were okay before relaying that the police were taking care of the other six. Zane stopped to help her with Jay, while Cole and Kai helped Lloyd get a hold of the last criminal. 

Jay, to his credit, was trying his absolute best not to cry, but it was clear he was in pain and definitely tearing up and breathing heavily as Zane examined his wrist, muttering broken apologies over and over. 

A low, pained chuckle from the guy that had Jay made everyone’s head turn, just as Cole hauled him up to take to the police. Nya swore he looked familiar. She glanced at Jay to see if he was okay. 

Fear couldn’t even begin to describe the look that was in Jay’s eyes. 

He was absolutely petrified, eyes completely trained on the gang leader who was laughing as he was getting over the effects of Jay’s lightning. 

“Watch your back, blue,” his accent and deep voice had sent chills down Nya’s spine, “Once I realized how young yous was, I was gonna take yous back to my place for some fun, ‘til you had to run your little mouth and call ur friends. Don’t worry though, kid. I’ll put that mouth to good use eventually.” Jay’s face loses any of the color it might’ve had left as the man winked in his direction.

If looks could kill, the guy would’ve dropped dead instantly.  

“What the hell did you just say?!” Kai sneers angrily, shoving against the guy’s shoulders, making him stumble. “You threaten him?! You threaten all of us, asshole. And I sure hope you aren’t dumb enough for that.”

The man simply shrugs, smirking, “Oh, it ain’t a threat, red. It’s a promise. I like the way he screams,” he chuckles and winks at Jay again. 

“That’s enough!” Lloyd yells angrily, shutting the conversation down. “Zane and Nya, get Jay out of here, now. Cole and Kai with me.” Zane immediately helps Jay stand and picks the much smaller ninja up in his arms, hurriedly carrying him away from the street and away from the commotion with Nya close behind. 

“Just wait ‘til I get my hands on you, kid! I’m gonna— agh! ” His threat is cut off with a grunt, Nya looks back to see blood gushing from the guy’s nose and Cole shaking off his fist. 

A few tears leak from Jay’s eyes, despite his desperate attempts to wipe them away as he trembles in Zane’s arms. “I-I’m sorry, this, this is all my fault, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m—“ Zane interrupts him before he can finish. 

“Do not worry about that, Jay. Just try to stay calm and keep your wrist as still as possible. Our fastest route to the hospital is four minutes.” 

Jay hesitates before nodding and buries his head into Zane’s shoulder. 

—

The hospital visit is relatively quick, all things considered. There’s no one in the waiting room, save for the nurse at the front desk, which is rare for a Friday evening in the city. 

Zane gently sets him down and explains the situation to the nurse sitting there. Nya holds him upright by his un-injured arm while he regains his footing, murmuring reassurances she’s convinced he doesn’t hear as he sniffles and winces. Five minutes later, a nurse calls Jay’s name and tells her and Zane to wait in the lobby as she helps Jay to a room. 

The rest of the team files in a second later after they’d given their statements to the police, Zane fills them in, and Jay comes back with a prescription and his left wrist in dark blue cast, resting in a sling almost two hours later. 

It’s a spiral fracture, he tells them timidly with his head down. Six weeks in a cast, and another two in a brace. Everyone gives their reassurances and sympathy, Cole tries to go in for a hug, but Jay backs away and recoils before Cole can get too close. Nya can’t help but notice the handprint-like bruises that are starting to appear on Jay’s neck. 

In addition to the foggy pupils, Nya recognizes the expression on Jay’s face. He looks haunted, similar to the way he wakes up after night terrors. 

“C’mon,” she says to get everyone’s attention, “let’s just get him home.” No one objects, voicing their agreement, sending Jay worried looks. They summon their dragons, Jay not getting the option to try his before Nya grabs his undamaged hand and summons hers for the both of them to ride. 

If Jay squeezes her a little tighter than necessary on the ride, Nya doesn’t mention it. 

When they get back to the Bounty, Jay immediately retreats to the boys’ shared room, and he doesn’t come out the rest of the evening. 

Now it’s 3:23 in the morning, and the two are huddled up together on the bathroom floor, Jay fresh out of a panic attack as he finally tells her what happened earlier. His crying slowly dies down to little sniffles, but he never lifts his head from her lap. The position is a little awkward with Jay’s sling, but Nya doesn’t mind, just glad the attack is passing, and continues to comb her hand through his messy hair as long as he allows her to. She notices it’s curlier than normal, too, void of any of the product he typically uses to hide his natural curls. Now that she thinks about it, she doesn’t think she’s seen him put hardly any effort into hiding his natural hair, nor has he put much into concealing the freckles he normally loathes, since everything. 

He’s still not great with touch either, especially when he doesn’t expect it, but he is getting better in that area. And she’s working with him to be able to recognize gentle, non-threatening touch again, which he has been making a genuine effort at. But Nya has a feeling the little incident earlier no doubt pushed Jay backwards a few steps, her eyes can’t help but be drawn to the handprints that have now turned into full fledged bruises on his neck. 

First his eye, then the scars, then the same arm that was broken before, and now handprints. 

Like shitty deja vu over and over and over again. 

“I-it was him, ” he tries to explain, whimpering quietly and still breathing shakily. 

Nya wipes the wetness from her eyes with her free hand, raising an eyebrow. “Him? I don’t understand.”

Jay sniffles, “Must—” he cuts himself off before trying again. “That… gang leader that broke my wrist earlier. H-he was there. O-on the ship. He was one of his pirates,” he huffs a hysterical laugh. “One of the worst ones.”

It feels like Nya’s insides do a somersault. 

She knew he looked familiar. 

She quickly reaches for her phone in the pocket of her leggings and searches for the news report from the incident earlier. It’s the first link that pops up, so she clicks on it and scrolls through the article detailing what happened and thanking them for saving the day, stopping when the mugshots and arrest reports flash across the screen. A quick scan of the seven convicts, and Nya finds him. 

Alec Marino: Thirty-nine years-old, 6’1”, 270 lbs. Charged with armed robbery, breaking and entering, assault, weapons possession, assault with a deadly weapon, attempted kidnapping.

Previous arrests include: Petty theft, weapons possession, public intoxication, four separate accounts of sexual assault, three accounts of statutory rape.

That’s the pirate that told her about…

He’s the one who told her what he did, and what he would do, to Jay when she was captured. 

He’s hardly recognizable without the pirate getup, but it’s definitely him. 

Now Nya feels nauseous. 

She’s suddenly very aware of why Jay froze at first. 

“He didn’t even remember anything, and he still targeted me! What’s wrong with me, Nya?” Jay pleads, undamaged hand, rubbing his eyes. 

“Jay,” Nya breathes, “it’s not your fault.”

“But it is. ” Jay retorts, “It didn’t even really happen, so why am I still so messed up?!”

Nya doesn’t even know how to answer because, in a way, she feels the same. “I wi-“ Nya stops herself, “ want to give you the answer, but that would be pretty hypocritical of me. But, Jay, what he did to you was different than just beatings, he… he violated you on that ship. Any reasonable person would have the same reaction you did, I get it.”

Jay tenses up immediately in her hold and he sucks in a sharp inhale, “How… How do you know that, Nya?” His voice comes out shaky and hesitant like it always does when he gets anxious. 

Oh. 

Oh shit. 

She freezes as her stomach drops, and she doesn’t know how to respond at first. Jay is already struggling, and him knowing that she already knew all of what he went through while he was none the wiser is not going to help. 

He sits up when she doesn’t respond, breathing getting faster by the second with his eyes full of fear and another emotion that almost looks like… shame. 

He’s embarrassed?!

Nya swallows thickly, sighing. “The guy’s name is Alec Marino. He’s the one who told me what… what all they did to you, what he was going to do when you came for me. He told me right after I was taken. I-I’m so sorry, Jay, I… I-I should’ve told you sooner.”

Jay takes in another sharp inhale, running a shaky hand through his tousled hair as a few tears run down his cheeks. His whole body tenses again, it’s a jerk so violent it jostles his injured arm and even though he tries to ignore it, Nya notices the pain it causes him. 

“So you… you knew what really h-happened to me this whole time? A-And you didn’t say anything? ” His question is almost pleading, with no real heat behind it, but the underlying feelings of betrayal are there. 

She frowns guiltily, at a loss for words. “Jay, I-I—“ she cuts herself off, sighing. “You’ve had enough to deal with, especially since your memories started coming back, I didn’t even know if you remembered it, I just didn’t want to make it worse.” 

Jay doesn’t look at her, he abruptly stands up and starts pacing back and forth across the bathroom floor, his unbroken hand spasms erratically and he shakes it harshly, little sparks of lightning flashing between his fingers, he clenches his broken hand, too, and his face scrunches up in pain again. “I really am sorry, Jay, but did you take the meds they gave you? Y-You look like you’re in pain.”

He ignores her question so she presses forward. “Look… you don’t have to be… be embarrassed, if that’s what you’re feeling? It’s not your fault, Jay, there’s nothing you—“

“Nothing I could’ve done?” Jay interrupts her, stopping his pacing but not the stimming sparks of electricity in his hand. “Yeah, trust me, Nya, you keep saying that, I know. But that’s all I can think about.” His tone sounds desperate yet anxious all at once. 

Nya furrows her eyebrows, “What do you—“

“That’s the thing; I should’ve been able to stop it, Nya! I’m a damn ninja, for FSM’s sake! Sure, I couldn’t stop the beatings and the drugs, but that?! ” Something that sounds like a sob but not quite escapes his lips and Jay almost chokes. His broken hand clenches again. 

“He was all over me and I did nothing but cry and beg for him not to. I-I didn’t fight as hard as I should’ve.” Jay’s hand that’s still filled with electricity goes to grip his hair so tight it looks painful, the residual sparks make his hair stand up, but Jay doesn’t seem that affected by it. His breathing picks up and a manic look paints his expression before he turns away from her. 

“And I don’t know how I’m just supposed to move on with life and pretend that nothing happened, because, honestly whether we like it or not, it did happen! You died and I was raped , and I’m never gonna be able to forget that!!”

There’s a beat of silence in lieu of Jay’s outburst. 

“ W-What? ” 

Nya’s shaky voice feels like an icy dagger amidst the peaceful quiet of the night.  

Jay’s stomach drops at her reaction and he feels like he’s just made a horrible mistake, when he turns around to look at her, her face is as white as a sheet and nothing short of absolute horror fills her eyes. 

Jay lets out a humorless chuckle to distract himself from what he thinks he just did. “W-What do you mean ‘what,’ you… you said he told you what—“

The realization hits him so hard and sharp, it feels like he’s been stabbed all over again. 

Alec only told her what he knew. 

And it never got that far with…

He couldn’t have known about Nadakhan. 

He didn’t know about…

No.

No no no no no no no…

All the air leaves Jay’s lungs at once and he starts gasping for air, laughing hysterically as he does so. 

He can’t breathe. 

He rips the sling off roughly, crying out at the pain it causes in his wrist, he can barely hear Nya’s reassurances over the ringing in his ears. 

That secret was the only thing he had left. 

The last little shrivel of dignity he might’ve had is gone, out the window completely. 

Nya is never going to look at him the same ever again. 

It’s over. 

She’ll hate him, think he’s disgusting, think he deserved it, and he did.

“Ohhhh, what do we got here?!” Mustache sneers as he starts to straddle him, his knee pinning Jay face down on the pavement, grabbing his wrist and twisting it painfully behind him. “I didn’t know you ninja were just a bunch a’ kids?” Jay’s wrist snaps as he screams. “How ‘bout you come home with me, and I can show yous a real good time, huh?”

Oh FSM, he can’t breathe. 

He can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe…

“—u’re okay, you’re okay, it’s just me! Jay, it’s Nya! Just breathe, Jay, just breathe.” Nya’s distressed voice cuts through his haze and he sees her hovering next to him, trying to get through to him without touching him. “I-I got you, I promise I have you, just breathe, please. You cannot pass out right now.”

After a long moment, Jay catches his breath, and he sits back down exhausted, this time putting space between him and Nya. He’s still breathing shakily, tears freely flowing down his cheeks. 

“I-I don’t understand…” Nya starts only once Jay’s calmed down. “Alec said he only… only wanted , that he never got the chance…”

“He didn’t,” Jay whispers, looking down at his lap. 

Nya raises an eyebrow, “Then who-“ she stops herself once the realization punches her in the gut. 

She pales, “Jay, don’t tell me it was…”

Jay sniffs, huffing a humorless laugh, “Yeah.”

A rage fills up in Nya’s chest and suddenly she wishes Nadakhan was still here so she could kill him herself. She feels sick. “ First Master, Jay, I—” She pauses, letting that world-shattering revelation actually register in her mind. “Is… was that the nightmare you had a while ago, when we all just ended up watching movies together the whole night?”

Jay sniffs quietly, then nods. “I can’t handle touch because it feels like him . Every. Single. Time. ”

Nya doesn’t know whether she needs to scream or cry. 

“Nya,” he says, voice trembling, “what exactly did Alec tell you?”

Nya frowns, his broken hand trembles again,“Jay, I don’t think… your hand is hurting, let me-“

“Enough about my stupid hand!” he snaps, “ Nya, ” he says again, interrupting her, voice more steady this time. “I need to know what he told you.”

So, through bated whispers, Nya reluctantly tells him. 

How when she was first captured, Alec told her all about the way he and the other crew members treated Jay as if he was nothing, on top of how he took advantage of Jay in the worst way possible, what more he would’ve done if she, Cole, and Lloyd hadn’t come when they did… And making sure she’s intentional with her wording so Jay knows the pirates were the only ones at fault. 

She didn’t want to believe it then, trying to convince herself the pirate was just fabricating lies to get under her skin…

But the worst part is that it made sense.   

Jay’s touch aversion and the placement of the bruises?

It made so much sense, and Nya hates that. 

It turns out the reality of it all ended up being so much worse than she thought, and that is so unbelievably unfair and it’s creating a crater in her chest. 

She can’t even imagine how much worse Jay must feel, he’s the one it happened to. (She guesses she can, but not to that extent).

When she finishes explaining, Jay doesn’t say anything. He just keeps staring at his lap. His broken hand is still shaking. 

“Were you ever going to tell me?” She asks gently, a genuine question she’s been thinking since she first found out. 

Jay looks down, and simply says... “I-I don’t know.”

Nya waits for him to say more, but he doesn’t. He curls farther into that ball, if that’s somehow possible. 

“I was humiliated, Nya,” Jay’s terse and tear-logged voice suddenly cuts through the silence. Nya does nothing but listen, after all, she’s done enough talking for tonight. 

“I-It wasn’t just… him. Alec and his friend still took me and did whatever they wanted with me,” and as soon as Jay starts rambling, he can’t make himself stop. “He came to my cell at night… Felt me up when I cleaned… ” His breath hitches, “He… H-He, and then N-Nadakhan dragged me to his room, tied me to his bed, I-I tried to, to dissociate and-“ a sob cuts him off. “And then he drugged me so much I couldn’t even remember! ”

He pauses, horror striking his expression, before he crumbles. “I’m so messed up in the head, Nya, I-I…” he pauses to take a deep breath. “I-It didn’t matter what I said, or how hard I-I fought, they… they’d do it anyway. And I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes, you’re dying and those hands are all. Over. Me. ”

Then his expression goes blank, voice anxiously nervous and drained all at once. He then looks at her, with eyes that are both supposed to be blue and full of hope and energy and life are dead and vacant instead, yet somehow still so scared at the same time. “You honestly can’t expect me to want to tell you about that, Nya.”

Jay’s right, and Nya knows it. She can’t possibly expect him to have wanted to talk about his absolute lowest point, he just wanted to keep what little pride he may have had left. She knows for a fact if she were in his position, there’s no way she would’ve talked about it either. 

There’s plenty she hasn’t told him anyway. 

A part of her is disappointed he didn’t trust her enough to tell her, but Nya really knows this isn’t about trust in the slightest. It’s about protecting his dignity. 

None of this is fair. 

And Jay has no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed. 

He should be proud that he survived. 

Nya’s certainly proud of him. 

“So no, Nya.” He shakes his head tersely, hand still stimming with electricity, making Jay’s eyes light up the faintest bit, the static in the room is enough to make both his and her hair frizz up. “I wouldn’t have told you. Because then it would’ve at least been my choice, a-and in my control.” He huffs to himself, “but I screwed that up, too, so I didn’t even have that to begin with…”

Nya understands that more than Jay will ever know. 

He puts his head down again, sniffling. His sling is still discarded on the bathroom floor, he’s cradling his casted wrist close to his chest. His brow is furrowed in pain, he looks like he’s in a lot of pain actually, and Nya knows him well enough to know he’s trying to hide it. 

She clears her throat, “Jay? You’re in pain, Sparky. Let me get your meds.” So unsure of what she should do, she moves to stand up, but Jay’s unbroken hand shoots forward to grab her by the arm, he shakes his head fervently. “I’ll be fast, only a second. I promise.” Jay shakes his head again. “C’mon, honey,” the term of endearment slips off her tongue without much thought and with more ease than she cares to admit, she doesn’t think Jay’s coherent enough to catch it, “You’ve spent enough time in pain, the medication will help.”

“I can handle pain,” he replies simply. 

Nya’s gaze softens. “I know you can, better than anybody. But it doesn’t mean you have to?”

Jay pauses for a second. “I don’t want the drugs. I’d rather just suck it up.”

Oh. 

Oh.  

Now she gets it. 

Everything just keeps falling into place in the morbid little puzzle that is the both of their lives now. 

“Okay, I get it. You don’t have to take anything you don’t want to, yeah?” She pauses as he nods before saying anything else, she needs to be careful what she says, the last thing she wants is to upset him even more. “Look, Jay. I need you to understand what I’m about to tell you. Okay?”

Jay finally looks up from his lap, raising a weary eyebrow, but to his credit, he doesn’t say anything more. 

“Don’t you dare, for one second, believe what that monster did to you was your fault. He took advantage of you when you had no way of defending yourself or fighting back, ninja or not, and it never should’ve happened.” There’s so much sheer doubt in Jay’s expression that it physically hurts Nya, he bites his lip like he always does when he’s nervous. 

“And you, Jay Walker,” she continues before Jay can spiral any further, her voice thick with tears, “are not a victim. Do you hear me?! You survived. And no matter how fucked up it is that it even happened in the first place, you did not deserve it, and for FSM’s sake, Jay, it’s not. Your. Fault. It never was, and it never will be.”

Jay still doesn’t look like he believes her. 

“And I am so fucking proud of you, Jay.”

Such utter shock and confusion paints his expression and it breaks Nya’s heart. “ What? ”

“You heard me,” Nya repeats, smiling softly as the tears start falling down her face. “And I mean it. I’m proud of you for surviving. And you should be proud of yourself, too.”

Nya opens her arms just in time for Jay to come barreling towards her, sobbing and hugging her like he’s afraid of letting go, residual sparks making the hair on Nya’s neck stand up. His mumbling is incoherent and hardly recognizable amongst the choked sobs, but she thinks she hears something that sounds like “thank you” over and over again. 

Nya squeezes him tighter. 

After what had to have been a solid half hour later, Jay’s vice grip on her loosens, and his sniffling stops. He’s asleep. 

Nya looks at her watch, 4:54 am, and she sighs, grabbing Jay’s sling and sliding her hands so she can get a good grip on Jay, and carefully carries him to her room, making an educated guess that Jay shouldn’t wake up alone, and hating how light he feels. She gently sets him down on her bed, sitting herself down next to him and leaning on her bed frame as she carefully tries to slip his sling back on. He stirs for a moment as Nya gets him situated, unconsciously curling closer to her, his unbroken hand gripping her shirt but not waking up. Once she’s sure he won’t wake up, she lets out a tired sigh and rubs at her eyes, wiping the dried tears from her face before doing the same to Jay. 

He doesn’t stir again. 

She has at least an hour before everyone else starts waking up, so she figures she should at least try and sleep while she can, forcing the horrifying revelations of the night far back in her brain to deal with later. 

Nya’s tired. 

And that’s the last coherent thought she has before falling asleep. 

—

Jay wakes up to someone shoving his face against the wall of his cell and wrenching his arms behind his back. He groans tiredly, biting his still-bleeding lip when someone squeezes his broken hand. There’s a sharp zip and something, a zip tie he thinks, is keeping his hands bound behind him. 

“R-Really?” He whines annoyedly, “I c-cleaned all night, let a guy w-wake up first.” He tries to sound nonchalant, but the quiver in his voice betrays him. 

“Well, you better wake up quick, kid.” Jay’s whirled around by the shoulders as soon as his hands are secure, he yelps, fresh whip marks flaring up at the movement. Flintlocke is the one talking, looking way too impatient for the situation at hand. “Can’t keep the Cap’n waiting.”

Right, Jay thinks sarcastically, never keep the captain waiting. 

He keeps that remark to himself, deciding not to push his luck. 

He’s then manhandled out of his cell and practically dragged to the Scrap N’ Tap ring. Fear flashes in Jay’s gut, he doesn’t know why he’s surprised, but he does know why he’s scared. 

He doesn’t want to be, but he’s so tired of getting hurt over and over and over again. 

Finally, he’s shoved to the ground in front of Nadakhan. He grimaces, taking a second to breathe through his broken ribs before maneuvering himself to an upright position. 

Nadakhan is smirking down at him. 

Jay hates feeling so small. 

“Sleep well, my canary?” Jay doesn’t reply. He gets a hand yanking his head up because of it. “You know the rules, my boy. Speak when you are spoken to or you will not speak at all.”

The hand in his hair squeezes tighter, so through gritted teeth he bites out, “Yeah, s-sure. R-Real comfy down t-there.”

A few pirates around him snicker, Nadakhan doesn’t look impressed. “It is a shame your smart mouth has its uses for me. If it were not for that, you wouldn’t speak at all.”

Jay takes the opportunity to smirk, “Must suck for you, huh?” He knows the slap is coming before it hits his cheek, so hard the sound reverberates off the ship’s walls. The hand leaves his hair and Jay takes the opportunity to breathe. 

“ Speaking of those better uses,” Nadakhan sneers, “Will you be making your wish or entertaining us this morning?”

“I’m not gonna beg, if that’s what you’re hoping for.” Jay scowls, looking anywhere but at the djinn who won’t leave his personal space. “Think you’d be tired of asking by now.”

“On the contrary, my canary.” Nadakhan sighs exaggeratedly, “I was hoping you would. But alas, you disappoint me yet again. Better we skip the theatrics and just get to shutting that pretty little mouth of yours then, hm? We can try for a wish again later.” 

That’s all the warning Jay gets before someone comes from behind him, grabs his head, and roughly shoves something in his mouth, then promptly seals his lips with a strip of tape. 

Jay groans, suppressing a sob. It’s not like he wasn’t expecting this. He can’t even try to rip the gag off because his hands aren’t even bound in front of him this time. Which also means he has no leverage of any kind, and he just has to take the beatings without even having an opportunity to fight back or defend himself. 

He’s shoved to the floor just as everyone starts shouting at him. Fresh blood from an old wound on his temple leaks down his forehead and seeps into his one working eye, turning his vision red. 

He makes the mistake of trying to appear smaller by curling in on himself. 

“Hmm, looks like my canary needs some prompting before we start. Doubloon? Would you care to do the honors?”

Jay squeezes his eye shut, bracing himself for the worst, and electricity lights up his whole body, making him scream and thrash on the deck floor. It stops momentarily, but his body doesn’t stop twitching, his repressed lightning buzzing almost unbearably painful under his skin, reacting with the taser. 

He barely gets a second to breathe before the electricity lights up his body again. 

He loses count after the first six times. 

He hates to think about how messed up this is. 

They’re hurting him with his own element. 

Lightning is his.

Nadakhan knows that. 

And thanks to the Vengestone, it hurts much worse than usual. 

This isn’t like the familiar hurt he experiences when his nervous system fires in overdrive to compensate for the additional electricity in his body as he’s collecting and redirecting his own voltage. No, he’s not doing any controlling here, he’s just being hurt, absorbing every volt instead of catching it with his hands and letting it pass through his arms. 

They don’t wait for the convulsing and twitching to stop when they start the first round of beatings. 

Dogshank is first. 

He doesn’t understand how watching him stumble around as he’s getting the ever-living shit beat out of him, while he’s disoriented as hell and barely able to stand, can be so entertaining to these monsters. 

You’d think it’d have to get old eventually?

Right?

If there’s one thing Jay’s learned while being here, it’s that he’s apparently the funniest fucking thing in the realm when he’s hurt. 

—

Jay wakes up in a cold sweat, bolting up from where he was curled into Nya with a sharp inhale. It takes longer than it should for his brain to register that they’re in Nya’s room, which is weird because this is not where he remembers falling asleep. He belatedly realizes she must’ve moved them after he’d fallen asleep. Thankfully, Nya is still asleep, sitting almost upright with her back resting on the headboard, one of her arms outstretched beside her from where she had been holding him. He takes a peak at the clock on her nightstand, it’s almost seven, meaning the others should be up soon if they aren’t already. 

With the nightmare fresh in his mind and not wanting to wake Nya with his hyperventilating, he quietly gets up from her bed and scurries to the bathroom, only just now realizing Nya must’ve put his sling back on at some point. It’s uncomfortable and he rotates his shoulder back and forth to ease the tension, hissing when his wrist spasms painfully. 

Six weeks and he’s still getting memories back.

He can hear the low chattering voices of Zane and Cole down the hall, whispering something about “let them sleep in,” but he successfully makes it to the bathroom without running into anybody. He lets out a shuddering breath, splashing water on his face with his one good hand. The conversation with Nya last night replays in his head and his stomach cramps with anxiety. 

He can’t believe he screwed up again.  

Sure, she said she was… proud, but that doesn’t make him feel any less disgusting.  

Nya said he survived, and he should be proud of it, that she was proud of him for it. 

But how is that supposed to make him feel better?

Is he supposed to be grateful he survived?!

How is he supposed to be grateful when no amount of scalding showers and scrubbing his skin raw will get rid of the feeling of his hands everywhere?!

How is he supposed to be grateful when he’s one of the only two people in the realm who are forced to remember?!

Is he supposed to be grateful the others are lucky enough to have not remembered?!

Is he supposed to be grateful he lucked out with hideous scars instead of life-threatening injuries?!

Well, he’s not. 

He hates himself even more so than he did before. And that’s saying something, because his level of self esteem was already on the floor. 

He makes the mistake of lifting his head to look at his reflection, attention immediately drawn to his bad eye which has decided to be blurry this morning, FSM those are some hefty eye bags, and…

Handprints.

There are handprints on his neck again. 

Jay practically chokes. 

The bruises are back, his broken arm is back, his eye…

And then Nadakhan is right behind him in the mirror’s reflection. Smiling teeth, pointy and yellow, and huge hands hovering over Jay’s neck, ready to squeeze…

Jay punches the mirror. 

The glass splinters and shatters, broken pieces falling in the sink and to the ground, Jay’s hand comes away bloody. 

He’s here, Jay swears he was right there, Jay can’t escape him no matter what he wishes for, he’s always going to be there, Jay’s always going to feel him, Jay’s always going to be afraid, he was right, there’s nothing Jay can do because he will always be looking over his shoulder for someone who isn’t even here anymore, he’s broken, he’s fucked up, he’s scared, he’s always going to be scared, for the rest of his life he’s going to scared of…

Nya’s sudden presence startles him, eyes and hands glowing with electricity on instinct before he realizes his mistake, letting his powers dissipate. Before he can get any words out, Nya is leading him out of the bathroom and into the med bay, murmuring about bandaging his hand. 

“I-I saw h-him,” he stutters quietly. “I-I swear, h-he was r-right behind me, I-I’m, I’m so sorry, I-I…”

“Sshh, hey,” Nya stops him. “It’s okay, honey. We can get a new mirror, we can’t get a new you. Let’s just get you cleaned up.”

She guides Jay to the bed and tells him to sit tight as she fishes in the cabinet for the first aid kit, grabbing a bottle of antiseptic and tweezers with it. She sits on the stool in front of him and he offers her his damaged hand. 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you last night,” he whispers meekly once he’s regained some semblance of composure, grimacing as the tweezers pull a piece of glass from his knuckles. “It wasn’t fair to you.”

Nya looks at him with so much… so much love and pride, and Jay hates it. “You don’t have to apologize.” 

She picks out the few glass shards and then grabs a wet washcloth to dab away the blood. Jay winces a few times, but he doesn’t make a sound. 

The pain is almost welcoming. 

It’s a distraction. 

FSM, he feels like he’s back in the lighthouse.  

“You getting deja vu yet?” Jay huffs a laugh. Nya stops her work and gives him a look. “Right. Not funny.”

She grabs the antiseptic and drenches a cotton swab in it. “You know the drill, Sparky. It’s gonna hurt.” He gives her a nod. 

“Y’know what is funny, though?” He laughs bitterly to himself, the sound devoid of any trace of humor. “Him… doing that wasn’t even the worst thing that happened to me. I got beaten up every day. I got stabbed, drugged. The Vengestone messed up my powers. For FSM’s sake, they almost killed me, Nya. And yet? That one little instance seems to be the only thing I can focus on,” he laughs again bitterly and then frowns, genuine confusion painting his brow, “it only happened once, why is that the only thing I can think about?”

Nya sighs, setting down the cotton and grabbing a roll of gauze from the kit. She reaches her hand to set on Jay’s knee, stopping and hovering before making contact, waiting for Jay’s approval, which he gives with a small nod after hesitating for a second. 

“Jay, it wasn’t ‘one little instance.’ Take it from a girl’s perspective; having someone use you like that…” she pauses, shaking her head and sighing again. She’s experienced her fair share of unwanted touches and staring, many of which were from Nadakhan, and she’s been ‘the girl ninja’ for a few months, Samurai X for even longer, and a portion of the public has not been kind to her in that aspect. “It’s terrifying, Jay. You have every right to be upset, scared, angry… Don’t feel bad for the way you feel.”

Jay’s eyes soften, understanding her words more so than before. He understands the innuendo as ‘speaking from personal experience.’ He’s not ignorant to the fact that Nya has been publicly objectified in more ways than one, most recently since their newfound fame. And Jay is willing to admit he was part of the problem, too, for a bit. 

Although, as bad as everything was, having been through all that mess has completely changed his outlook, and he’s made a vow to himself to never make Nya that uncomfortable ever again. 

Is he still inexplicably in love with Nya? 

Yes, absolutely. That’s never been in question. 

But does he also hold so much respect and admiration for her to the extent that it makes his chest hurt?

One hundred percent. 

“I’m sorry you know what that feels like,” he murmurs softly, voice filled with genuine sympathy and regret. 

Nya smiles tightly, “Ditto.”

“And hey, for what it’s worth,” he adds softly, offering her the sincerest smile he can muster. “I’m really proud of you, too, y’know. Things happened to you that never should’ve, you didn’t deserve it either, and you… you survived, too, Nya. So, so if I should be proud of myself, then you should be proud of you, too.”

Nya’s eyes widen the slightest bit and simultaneously, the tension in her shoulders loosens, as well. She seems to let out a relieved breath, smiling softly and squeezing his wrist gently. “Actually? That does mean a lot. Thanks, Jay.”

He nods in assurance and gives her a meek smile back, as she continues her work, they sit in silence for several minutes before another thought crosses Jay’s mind. 

“Y’know, before the nightmares started?” Nya looks up at him so he knows she’s listening as she starts to wind the bandages around Jay’s hand. “The only thing I could remember from the ship was crying and being scared all the time. But now? As bad as the… the torture was, I’m realizing I fought and talked back a lot more than I thought I did, granted it never ended well for me when I did, but...”

Nya smiles softly, humming her reassurance as she tapes down the end of the bandage. “That’s probably how he wanted you to remember it,” she offers, “Probably what… what the drugs were for. To make you susceptible so you’d forget how strong you are.”

Jay scoffs, “I just broke a mirror because I was scared of the reflection, Nya. I don’t feel very strong.”

Nya offers another small smile, “I know. But I’m gonna keep reminding you until you believe it.” She leans forward to kiss Jay on the cheek, “Besides, I never doubted you’d be giving that fucker a run for his money.” Jay snorts at her joke, letting out a genuine laugh and smiling, making Nya beam with pride. 

He can’t remember the last time he genuinely laughed. It’s definitely been a while, and he’s honestly missed it. “Thanks, Nya.” 

Nya squeezes his knee in support, “Anytime, Sparky.” 

He leans forward for a hug, squeezing her tight. When he pulls away, he accidentally knocks his broken wrist against her arm and yelps slightly when the pain radiates up his arm, momentarily sending his nerves into overdrive. 

Nya frowns sympathetically, brow furrowing in thought, “I think you should give the meds a try.” She keeps talking before he can protest, “I know you’re scared, but you’re also in a lot of pain,” she puts up a finger in warning when Jay opens his mouth, “and don’t lie to me. I know when you’re lying about this kind of stuff, I unfortunately have too much experience. You’re in a lot of pain, and you don’t have to be. Just give it a try, and if you don’t like them, you don’t have to take them again, yeah?”

Jay hesitates, expression lined with uncertainty. 

He’d refused any type of painkillers at the emergency room while he was being checked out, despite the nurse’s and doctor’s insistence on it, he didn’t want to be loopy and disoriented in an unfamiliar place. 

“Hey, hon. My name’s Mickey.” The nurse says kindly. She’s probably in her late twenties or early thirties, long, straight, blonde hair with dyed purple tips pulled into a high ponytail, her kind smile helping Jay relax a bit. “I’m gonna get you checked in then take you back for an x-ray, okay?” She comes in with a hospital gown for him to change into and a tray filled with supplies for an IV. She gently asks him to remove his gloves and gi so she can get a better look. 

Jay does so very sheepishly, hissing in pain as he gently tries to wiggle his glove off his left hand, an embarrassed flush subconsciously blooming across his face once his fresh scars are exposed. Nya’s the only one who’s seen them up until now, and he doesn’t like them being out in the open like this. 

He puts on the gown as fast as he can while the nurse, Mickey, inserts the IV in the crook of his right elbow, but not before he can stop her from seeing the freak show that is his body. He catches her eyes lingering on his scars, though she tries to be discreet about it, particularly the jagged ones around his wrists that stick out like… well, like scars. And it’s obvious what they’re from, he’s saved enough hostage victims to know. 

Once she’s taped the IV down, she grabs a vial and a needle. Jay’s stomach drops. “Okay, hon. I’m just gonna give you some painkillers to make this bearable.”

“No!” Jay practically shouts, propelling himself backwards slightly, jostling his injured hand and screaming once he does so. 

Mickey immediately gets to her feet, needle out of sight and holding her hands up in a non threatening gesture. “Hey, it’s okay, sweetie. It won’t hurt, it’s just to help you relax.”

“Just relax and let it happen, kid.”

Jay comes to his senses a second later, after realizing he freaked out in front of a civilian and the morbid fact that this could be leaked to the press. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

“Um,” Jay starts, “S-Sorry, I m-mean I’d just, really rather not have any drugs.”

Mickey raises a worried eyebrow. “Sweetie, are you sure? Your wrist is probably broken, that’s gotta hurt a ton.”

Jay gulps nervously. “I’m sure, I’ll just… tough it out.”

She gives him a worried look, but agrees, disposing of the needle and the vial. She then leads Jay to the x-ray room, helping him get his wrist situated in the correct position. She must notice the squeamish look on Jay’s face, because once she finishes positioning his arm, she tries to strike up a conversation after she walks behind the wall to get the images, “You must’ve been on some crazy adventures to end up with scars like that, huh?”

Her tone is light and joking, but Jay’s still so caught up in his head from the altercation and memories from the fight, he only winces, squeezing his eyes shut at the mention. Mickey must take the hint and doesn’t say anything more until she tells Jay he’s okay to move. 

She leads him back to the bed he was at before, hesitating when she looks at Jay’s stressed face. “Hey,” she says to get his attention, Jay looks up at her with a dazed expression. “I got a little sister about your age. Big fan of yours, actually. Pretty much the definition of a groupie. Wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve seen her, honestly.” Jay smiles slightly. “I’m a fan, too, obviously, just not obsessed like she is. Anyway, my point is; I know you kids put yourselves in harm’s way to keep this city safe, so I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you guys a lot.”

His eyes light up, it’s not like hearing a compliment from civilians is a rare occurrence, they’ve spent the better part of the last few months hearing nothing but praise and worship, but this feels different somehow. Maybe it’s because he feels like a kid right now, not like one of Ninjago’s sworn protectors, looking so small sitting in the emergency room, injured with his scars on full display, yet she’s still speaking of her admiration. 

Either way, it helps distract him from the meltdown he’s on the verge of. 

She grabs the used supplies and lets him know the doctor will be in with his x-rays in a few minutes. 

“Hey,” Jay smiles, his hoarse voice croaks out, “Tell your sister I said hi.”

Mickey laughs, “Oh, definitely. I guarantee you just made her whole year.”

Jay shakes the memory of the previous evening from his mind. The doctor that explained his break and casted his wrist expressed her insistence in pain medication as well, and that conversation ended in a compromise; Jay taking the prescription home and promising to take them later, rather than in the hospital. 

He had no intention of keeping that promise, but he knows he should’ve expected Nya or one of the others to keep it for him. 

And he knows Nya’s right, and logically he knows the painkillers will only help, but his mind is already fragile, and he’s so afraid that the painkillers will make him loopy and he’ll think he’s somewhere else, and he’ll freak everybody out, and…

The pain flares up again, as if it’s mocking him. 

But he trusts Nya, he knows he’s safe, and he knows nothing is going to happen to him if he’s a little out of it for a few hours. It’s not like he’s gonna be allowed to train or go out on missions or patrol anytime soon, so really, it’s not that big of a deal if he’s a bit incoherent. 

He sighs heavily, letting out a shaky breath. “Okay,” he agrees. “I’ll do it.”

Nya smiles, almost relieved, and grabs the prescription bottle from the counter, handing Jay one of the pills. He hesitates for a moment, looking at the pill like it’s personally offended him, before popping it in his mouth and taking a sip from the water bottle that Nya gives him. 

“Good?” She asks, smiling. 

Jay nods, taking a breath to compose himself and calm his nerves. “Good.”

Nya nods, satisfied. “C’mon, the others are probably eating breakfast already.”

As if on cue, Kai’s agitated voice echoes from down the hall, “Okay, whose powers broke the mirror this time?!”

Jay and Nya share a look, Jay hanging his head and groaning at the conversation he’s going to be forced to have.

—

Jay doesn’t start feeling it until a couple hours later, but when the drugs do kick in, he recognizes it immediately. 

His head gets fuzzy, all noises are muted, it feels like he’s moving in slow motion, and there’s a ringing in his ears. 

All feelings he’s way too familiar with. 

He tries to suck it up and calm his breathing because he’s not in pain for the first time in a long while and a part of him knows the medicine is helping and doing its job, and he can’t freak out right now, especially when Nya isn’t here. 

After breakfast, Zane had declared a grocery run was needed, content to leave before the Saturday afternoon rush, and Nya volunteered to tag along, claiming she needed the fresh air. 

She’d kissed him as she was leaving and asked him to stay in view of the others in case he needed something, and that was an hour ago so she should be back any minute now. 

So he especially can’t freak out because he’s sitting in one of the reclining chairs in the common room, wrist propped up on a pillow with an ice pack nestled around his neck for the bruising, watching Cole and Kai play video games with Lloyd. (In actuality, those three have been tasked with babysitting, he overheard Nya talking to Cole, but he decided to let it slide if it meant Nya could have the space she needed).

You’re fine , he tells himself, trying to gain control of his breathing. 

And he succeeds for a solid ten minutes until Lloyd accidentally brushes Jay’s leg when the youngest ninja shoots up from the ground in front of him, cheering as Cole wins the latest round of Fist 2 Face. The touch sets off alarm bells in his brain, the vision in his bad eye turns blurry, and suddenly all the air in Jay’s lungs is somehow gone. He hurriedly excuses himself, haphazardly murmuring something about the bathroom when Lloyd asks. 

Next thing he knows, he’s on the floor in front of the toilet sticking his fingers down his throat to make himself throw up the painkillers, and with it his breakfast, curling into a tight, almost painful, ball on the floor and content to stay there until the floaty feeling passes. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, too focused on his shaky breathing and trying to remind himself that he’s safe, that no one here is going to hurt him. 

But, FSM, his mind and body have been conditioned to expect so much pain with this feeling and every scar and phantom pain lights up with a new vengeance all at once, the bruises on his neck start to throb, making him nauseous and feeling like he’s bleeding out all over again, his powers thrumming violently in his veins as if saying danger danger danger—

“Jay?” 

The voice startles him, and he practically jumps out of his skin, sparks lighting up his hands on instinct. 

“Whoa, Jay!” The familiar tone cuts through Jay’s haze, and when he forces his bad eye to focus, he sees a deeply concerned fire ninja standing in the bathroom doorway. “Just me, dude. Just Kai.” 

Shit, he forgot to close the door. 

“Kai,” Jay breathes a sigh of relief, sparks fizzling out. “Sorry, didn’t hear you coming.”

They all have a tendency to be light on their feet, so surprising one another happens several times a month, but they’re usually able to pick up and recognize each other's footfall patterns after having lived together for so long. 

He hopes Kai just assumes he’s off kilter because of his broken limb. 

“Hey, man,” his older brother says gently, coming closer yet keeping his distance, instances of Jay electrocuting Cole when he’d touched him without warning a couple weeks ago probably coming to memory. “Are you sick? We’re here to help, y’know, you could’ve told us you weren’t feeling well, buddy.” Jay groans in response as Kai fills a cup with water and hands it to him so he can rinse his mouth. “Totally get it after what happened yesterday.”

Jay flinches hard, spilling some of the water from the cup. “I-I’m f-fine , Kai,” he’s said that phrase so much in the past six weeks he’s afraid it’s starting to lose its meaning. “Probably just… something I ate.”

Kai raises an eyebrow, “Dude, I’ve barely seen you eat anything all week.”

Jay flushes under the scrutiny, even though Kai’s tone was more as-a-matter-of-fact than accusatory, drinking the last of the water and moving to get up. Kai immediately lunges forward as Jay’s balance wavers, successfully catching the lightning ninja before he can crack his head open on the tile floor. “Careful, Jay! FSM, let me help you, dude. Nya said you had your meds already, they’re gonna make you pretty loopy for a while, just take it easy.”

Jay recoils, letting out a pathetic whine as Kai’s hands make contact with his flushed skin, touch feeling like scorching needles and void of the usual comforting warmth. “I’m fine, seriously,” air seems to be increasingly difficult to inhale and suddenly Jay can’t breathe at all, “stop, Kai,” but Kai is insistent on keeping Jay steady. 

“Let me go!!” 

He practically screams it, forcefully shoving Kai’s hands away as sparks flicker all around his body. He inhales a shaky breath before stumbling past his brother, not missing the hurt and worried expression on the fire ninja’s face. Guilt flashes in Jay’s gut as he haphazardly stumbles into the bedroom and collapses in his bed, sobs wracking his body and willing his head to stop spinning and ignoring how he can hear Cole and Lloyd asking Kai questions. 

He lies under his covers, knees pulled up to his chest and pillow covering his ears for at least an hour, until the dizziness and fog finally clear. He lets out a cry of relief once he feels more grounded. 

He must’ve fallen asleep at some point, because he blearily wakes up to Zane’s cold hand on his forehead and a thermometer pressed to his temple. “Go back to sleep, little brother. I’m right here.” 

The next time he wakes up, Nya is there, sitting on his bed and reading a book. “N’ah,” he mumbles sleepily, getting her attention. 

Her gaze softens into a comforting smile when she sees him awake. “Hey, honey.”

Jay groans, still not completely awake, gasping when he rolls onto his injured wrist. “No m’re dru’s,” he whimpers, barely coherent, but Nya seems to get it. 

She nods to confirm it, even though she’s not really sure if Jay can see her, his left eye is foggy. She settles on combing a gentle hand through his hair, and Jay seems to relax the slightest bit. “No more drugs. Got it.”

“M’Sorry,” he murmurs. 

“Nothing to be sorry for, Sparky.”

Jay falls back asleep just as Zane comes in to check his temperature again. 

—

When Jay’s parents call for their bi-weekly check-in, it’s Cole who answers Jay’s phone, the latter too incoherent from the fever to answer himself. To Jay’s chagrin, Cole had told them about his injury and subsequent “stomach bug,” and they immediately insisted on visiting, an offer which Jay begrudgingly accepts once he’s coherent enough to talk to them himself. 

Their visit is relatively quick, arriving in the late afternoon and staying for dinner. They bring his mom’s famous chicken soup, something she made for him every time he was sick as a child, and coincidentally the same thing she made for him when he crash landed into their junkyard in the previous timeline. 

When he greets them with a weary smile, he’s wearing a turtleneck and a hoodie to hide the bruises on his neck, not willing to hear any questions about that. They don’t need to know the details, the most Cole had told them was he’d been hurt on a mission and got sick soon after, nothing major, but down for the count. He’s leaning against Nya, slightly dizzy from sleeping so much, but when his parents shower him with their adoring love and affection, all his problems seem to melt away for a short moment. 

During dinner, they make small talk with his friends, Wu, and Misako, catching up on all they’d missed since their last visit, and Jay allows himself to relax for a bit. Ma’s soup is the first thing he’s able to stomach in three days, and he’s grateful for it. 

Everything is fine until it isn’t. 

Once dinner is finished, his mom volunteers to help Zane with the dishes, and his dad is still sitting next to him, chatting with Misako about some native wildlife nearby. 

The Bounty is anchored near a wooded area of Ninjago, a halfway point from the Sea of Sands to the city since his parents had insisted on needing the fresh air riding in their jalopy. The noises from the wildlife nearby is audible from the dining area, and Jay doesn’t really pay it much attention until his parents point it out. 

“Oh, wouldja just listen to those birds sing!” Mom says as Zane hands her another dish to dry. “Oh, I can’t for the life of me remember what the little fellas are called. Ed? They sit outside the trailer every morning, what were they called?”

Dad chuckles, pausing his conversation with Lloyd’s mom. “I think you mean the canaries, dear. They’re pretty active this time a year.”

Jay feels his heart drop to his stomach. 

“I love it when my canary sings for us.”

“You seem to forget so easily who’s in charge here, my little canary?”

“You’re much too weak to defeat me, canary.”

Jay stands up so fast the chair he was sitting in falls over, loudly crashing to the floor behind him, and suddenly all eyes are directed to him. 

“Jay, honey?” His mom says gently, “Are you okay, dear?”

“Still feelin’ sick, kiddo?” His dad asks. 

Jay’s mouth feels dry, and the fear is paralyzing. He takes too long to answer. “Y-Yeah, sorry. Um, thanks for coming, Ma and Pa. I’m, uh, gonna go lie down.”

He forces himself to give both his parents a hug before bolting to the bedroom. He doesn’t even notice Nya follows him until she alerts him of her presence, careful not to sneak up behind him, and leads him to her room. 

“More privacy,” she explains as if she could sense his confusion. They barely reach her room when he starts crying. “I know. I know that name is a trigger. Just breathe, try not to think about it. You’re safe, he’s not here.” 

Nya soothes him with practiced ease, guiding him to the bathroom closest to her room just in time for him to lose his dinner. She gently rubs his back as he cries, leading him to her bed and sitting with him until he cries himself to sleep. 

Jay unintentionally quits eating after that.

—

Cole doesn’t even need to know Jay as well as he does to know that something is very wrong. 

Him and Nya have been acting like they’d just been to someone’s funeral, and Cole knows how that feels, except, at least to his knowledge, no one died. Not recently at least. Even though he’s the only real ghost here, it almost feels like he’s blending in and walking among them when he’s around his best friend and little sister.

He just doesn’t know why.  

Cole does know that Jay was shaken up after the whole mission with the gang robbery, and he had every right to be. But skipping meals and not sleeping is getting to be a problem. Jay can deny it all he wants, but Cole’s not stupid. He knows Jay sneaks out of their bedroom crying most nights, he knows Jay lies about feeling sick just as an excuse to skip dinner, and he knows Jay’s new fear of physical touch has seemingly amplified tenfold. 

And apparently Jay’s been doing so poorly at taking care of his basic human needs, he actually did get sick, contracting a fever the day after his emergency room visit.

When he’d alerted Wu to this new development, his sensei didn’t seem surprised, sort of acting like he knew something Cole didn’t. But even if that were true, Wu didn’t say anything more other than to make sure Jay drank some of his healing tea. 

Cole has been feeling totally helpless the past month, knowing something has been wrong with Jay and Nya, but not knowing what and having no one to blame for it.

At least with the asshole who hurt Jay, Cole does have a face he can blame, although he knows that was only a stressor, not the cause, and no amount of time in Kryptarium is suitable enough punishment in Cole’s mind. 

He still can’t believe that fucker had the audacity to not only choke his best friend, but threaten to… to assault him, too. 

He completely understands why Jay froze up when the guy was on top of him, but what Cole doesn’t understand is how Jay managed to get separated from them and overpowered so quickly in the first place. He knows Jay is strong and a more-than-capable ninja, so it doesn’t make sense that a regular, honestly inexperienced, guy was able to get the jump on him so easily, unless…

Unless that gang leader had something to do with whatever is freaking Jay and Nya out so much? He could’ve gotten in Jay’s head?

But that doesn’t make any sense because neither Cole nor the others had even recognized the guy, Marino, if he remembers the police report correctly. 

Nya didn’t even seem to recognize the guy, but Jay? It could’ve just been the shock, but his best friend had been terrified.

And he’s been acting as such ever since, even worse than before. 

Marino could be the short term answer, but it still doesn’t explain the other behavior Jay and Nya have been exhibiting for over a month now. 

Cole could sit here with his thoughts and theories as they spiral and list off every single subtle change he’s noticed like he has a billion times over, but then he’d be here all day, wasting time when he could be thinking of a solution to help his family. 

He’d think the real Jay was simply swapped with some clone or a body double if Nya hadn’t been acting the same way. 

And Cole can’t even pinpoint the exact date when he started noticing Jay and Nya’s odd behavior, but it had to of started sometime after the day they visited the Grant A Wish kids at the hospital, coincidentally enough, the same day the two kissed and made up like there was never any bad blood in the first place. 

On second thought, maybe he can pinpoint the exact date. 

But nothing, to Cole’s knowledge, had happened. 

Nya had been about to bite Jay’s head off one moment, the next she’s kissing him while performing Airjitzu, the technique she had just expressed her lack of capability in, and then they both started acting like they’d just watched someone be brutally tortured right in front of them. 

And none of it was adding up. 

Cole’s had to pretend it doesn’t feel like a dagger to his heart every time Jay has either flinched away from his touch or rejected it all together. He’s had to act like shaking Nya out of dazed stupors every few days hasn’t scared him to no end. He’s had to quietly theorize why Jay is seemingly partially blind. He’s had to worry from a distance when he hears Nya’s raspy and choked breathing while she sleeps or dozes off. And he’s had to have so many desperate conversations with Lloyd, Kai, and Zane without Jay and Nya’s knowledge to see if they’re noticing the same things, or if Cole is truly going crazy. 

Cole’s supposed to be the rock of the team, the one who is meant to support his brothers and sister when they can’t hold themselves up anymore, ready and waiting with a listening ear or a bear hug. 

Except neither Jay nor Nya have come to him once. 

They haven’t sought him out in the middle of the night after nightmares. 

They haven’t asked his advice. 

They haven’t asked for his patented hugs or cuddles. 

They haven’t asked him to talk. 

Jay’s barely talked to him, let alone anyone other than Nya, in so long. 

He may never admit it to Jay himself, but Cole missed his best friend’s dumb jokes and somewhat annoyingly pitched voice and excited demeanor when he talks about one of his projects. The Destiny’s Bounty has been void of its natural levity and comfort, and everyone has definitely felt that loss. 

Cole wishes he knew how to help, but he doesn’t even know what’s wrong. 

Speaking of things being wrong, it’s been nearly a week since Jay broke his wrist, and other than the dinner with his parents when he’d freaked out and abruptly left, he’s hardly left Nya’s room since he got sick and freaked out on Kai last Saturday. Nya’s been sitting with him most of the time, so Cole rarely sees her other than during meals. 

He hasn’t visited Jay much, something he feels incredibly guilty about, but every time he’s tried to talk to his best friend, he either gets one-worded responses or no response at all. Cole’s not the only one at a loss, he knows the rest of his family is feeling utterly useless, too, but there’s only so much they can do when Jay and Nya are so tight-lipped about what’s really going on. 

So when Zane announces to everyone that dinner is ready, and everyone except Jay is seated around the table, Cole’s not the only one who isn’t surprised. 

“Where’s Jay?” Lloyd asks, saying what Cole had been thinking. “Did anyone tell him dinner was ready?”

“He uh… he’s not feeling well,” Nya explains sheepishly with her eyes avoiding everyone else’s as she pushes her food around with her fork. “He said he wanted to sleep it off.”

“Still?” Kai raises an eyebrow. “It’s been a week, Nya. Has he eaten anything at all? I mean, I know that the thing with the bank robbery shook him up pretty bad, but…” Kai cuts himself off frowning. “He knows we would’ve never let anything happen with that gang leader, right? Is that what this is about?”

If anyone other than Cole notices Nya’s minuscule flinch, they don’t mention it. 

“I believe Jay contracted a minor ‘stomach bug’ shortly after we returned from the emergency room, but his fever broke some time ago,” Zane says calmly, trying to offer an explanation. “It would seem that the current problem appears to be psychosomatic. Aside from his fractured wrist and the minor bruising on his neck that has begun to fade, Jay is physically healthy.”

“I’ll check on him after dinner and bring him some food,” Cole volunteers. “See if he wants to talk about it.”

Kai scoffs under his breath, “Good luck with that,” but the worry is still evident in his voice. 

Nya is noticeably quiet throughout the rest of the meal. 

—

When everyone is finished with dinner, the majority of the Bounty’s inhabitants retreat to the common room to unwind while Cole stays behind to help Zane with the dishes as the nindroid warms up some soup for Jay. 

After checking with Nya on Jay’s whereabouts, (he’d just taken a shower and should be in the guys’ room changing), and reassuring her several times that he can handle it, Cole grabs his tray of supplies consisting of a warm bowl of Zane’s special soup, a glass of water, and one of the fidget toys Nya had made Jay awhile ago, hoping it’ll bring Jay a bit of levity, or at least something to do with his hands that doesn’t involve twirling hundreds of volts of electricity around so nonchalantly. Their powers have always seemed to react in accordance with their emotions, fear and anger in particular. The stronger the emotion, the more unpredictable the element becomes, although they’ve trained enough to have a decent handle on it, but Jay’s lightning has been just as erratic as him lately. 

Cole pauses before entering their room, mentally preparing himself for the fight Jay will most certainly put up in eating. 

Well, here goes nothing. 

“Hey, Jay?” Cole announces himself before barging in, having done it too many times to even think about knocking. “You haven’t come out for dinner in a week, bud. I know the last mission was hard on you, but you still need to—“ Cole abruptly cuts himself off when he sees the scene in front of him. 

Jay’s frozen like a deer in headlights, shirt half put on and…

… and covered in scars. 

They’re everywhere, marring his chest, arms, and back. 

Cole doesn’t even know what to do at first, other than just stand in the doorway with his mouth agape like an idiot, not knowing what to say as Jay hurriedly covers himself with his shirt and struggles to pull on a hoodie that’s most definitely not his over his sling, turning himself away from Cole.

“Jay, what the hell, ” Cole says dumbly. “Where did those come from?!”

Cole sees Jay’s shoulders tense before he whirls around to face Cole with an almost insultingly fake smile plastered on his face. 

“W-What are you talking about, man?”

Cole’s taken aback, setting the bowl of soup on the nearest dresser. “Don’t bullshit me, Jay, I know your scars, and I’ve never seen those before. They’re bad, I definitely would have remembered you getting them.”

Jay has the audacity to roll his eyes at him, fake smile faltering as he sits down on his bed. “Don’t worry about it, just drop it.”

The abject horror at what he’s just seen doesn’t dissipate, but Cole forces himself to take a breath before this turns into a fight, he huffs and then sighs exasperatedly, “You don’t want to tell me? Fine, Jay. I’ll bite. At least just eat the soup Zane made. I haven’t seen you actually eat since we got back from the hospital.”

Jay swallows thickly, but he nods, so Cole fully enters the room and sets the tray of food on Jay’s nightstand. Jay immediately grabs the water, but doesn’t touch the soup. “It’s time for your meds,” Cole offers, standing in front of Jay with his arms crossed, “Eat the soup while I go grab them.” 

Just as Cole moves to leave, Jay’s hand shoots out to grab him, and, ghost or not, Cole feels the slightest static shock when Jay makes contact with his skin. “N-No, I’m fine,” the smaller boy shudders ever so slightly, immediately letting go of Cole’s arm. “I don’t need ‘em.”

Cole raises a shocked eyebrow. “Uh, yeah you do? Doc says every four hours for the first two weeks.” Jay shakes his head again. “Jay, c’mon, don’t be like that. You’ve already been sick once, and there’s no reason for you to be in pain, too.”

“I’m not taking them, Cole.” He swallows nervously with his brow furrowed. “It doesn’t hurt that bad, anyway.”

“Are you joking with me, right now?” Cole asks incredulously. “Your wrist was broken in multiple places less than a week ago, what do you mean it doesn’t hurt that bad?!”

Jay groans, “Ugh, I’m serious, Cole. I’m fine! Do I need to spell it out for you?! F-I-N-E. Fine. ” Jay practically shoots up from the bed, stomping right past Cole and out of the bedroom, Cole follows right behind him. “How many times do I need to say it for you to just get off my back?!”

Cole can’t help but be irritated, snapping back and following Jay down the hall. “Oh! I don’t know? Maybe until I’m convinced you actually believe it yourself?”

Jay ignores him. 

“Jay, I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!”

“And I’m trying to avoid it!”

Cole lets out a frustrated growl, “Jay, please, just stop and listen to me!”

Jay doesn’t know why he stops, maybe it’s the pure sounding desperation in his best friend’s voice, or maybe it’s guilt. He turns around to see Cole, worry etched into every line of his ghostly face. 

“You’re not sleeping, not eating, not taking your meds, you have nightmares every other night, won’t let anyone touch you, I just found you covered in scars I know you didn’t use to have, you punched a mirror last week?!” Cole pauses his rant, stopping himself from getting too worked up as Jay shrinks further in on himself. He vaguely thinks he hears the hushed whispering and quiet footsteps from the others down the hall, and Lloyd not very discreetly pokes his head in from the common room behind Jay. “You’re acting nothing like yourself!”

Jay tenses, looking smaller than Cole thinks he’s ever seen. “Sorry,” he says timidly. 

Cole’s face falls and he groans. “Don’t apologize, Jay, that’s not what I mean. You’re just… scaring me, dude. I don’t know what’s going on with you, and you won’t talk to me about it. Did…” Realization suddenly crosses Cole’s face and he pauses, looking scared, “Jay, did someone do something? To you or Nya that we don’t know about? Was it that Marino guy from the gang bust?”

Jay visibly flinches, and Cole thinks he’s finally about to get some answers.

For a split second, Jay looks like he considers it. 

But his best friend has always been stubborn to a fault, so Jay steels himself, and his lips stay shut. 

“I-I… I’m fine, okay?!” Cole deflates, disappointment blooming in his chest. “I don’t know what’s wrong, I’m just… tired. Please, stop asking.”

Jay storms off to Nya’s room without another word, slamming the door and leaving Cole and the others who were eavesdropping shocked in his wake. 

And this time… Cole doesn’t follow. 

—

Just because Cole doesn’t follow him right in that moment, doesn’t mean he isn’t there, ready and waiting, when Jay wakes up in a cold sweat that night. 

Because that’s just how Cole is. 

No matter how many times Jay pushes him away, or yells at him, Cole will always be there for him. 

Cole finds him hyperventilating on the bathroom floor later that night, hugging himself in an upright fetal position. 

Cole immediately kneels down next to Jay, soft brown eyes filled with love and understanding, “Can I touch you, buddy?”

Jay hesitates before nodding, and he dives into Cole’s arms a second later, Jay’s bandaged hand gripping his best friend like a lifeline, like he’s scared of letting go. 

“C-Cole,” Jay starts through his tears. “I’m, I-I’m so sorr—“

“Jay, just… Shut up,” Cole interrupts him and gently pushes Jay’s head to where it’s further buried in his shoulder, hating that he can feel every ridge in Jay’s spine, and despising the fact he can see every outline of Marino’s hands around Jay’s neck. 

Jay takes that as an invitation to squeeze Cole tighter, the latter concentrating as hard as he can to stay solid, ignoring the slight burn of his best friend’s tears on his ghostly skin, and nestles his face in the crook of Jay’s neck. 

They stay like that for a few minutes, until Jay’s breathing starts to even out. “Jay, I’m not gonna act like I know what’s going on or pretend I know what you’re going through, but you need to stop shutting everyone out,” Cole says once he’s sure Jay can hear him. “You need to talk to someone, and someone other than Nya, because she looks just as haunted as you most days. It doesn’t have to be me, but it needs to be someone.”

Jay squeezes Cole one last time, as if trying to convince himself that Cole’s real, and lets go, leaning backwards until his back hits the wall. Cole doesn’t say anything more, waiting in standby until Jay’s ready to talk. 

“Something… something did happen,” Jay mutters sheepishly, “but… I-I can’t tell you, not yet. I’m, I’m really sorry, Cole.”  

“Okay,” Cole sighs, disappointed, yet relieved at finally getting Jay to admit something. “I get it. You know I’m here the moment you’re ready. Just promise me one thing?” Jay nods tentatively. “Promise you’ll tell me if you’re in any danger, and that you’ll come to me if you ever… ever feel like hurting yourself. Okay? Can you do that?”

Jay’s eyes widen for the briefest moment at the insinuation, hurt by the fact that Cole would ever think he’d do such a thing, but thinking back at his self-destructive behavior the past few weeks, maybe Cole does have reason to worry. 

So Jay nods. 

“I need to hear you say it, Jaybird.”

Jay swallows thickly, “I-I promise to tell you if, if it gets that bad.”

Cole smiles softly, believing Jay’s words, and pulling him in for another hug, pressing a kiss to the top of Jay’s head. “I love you, Jay. We all do, buddy, and we hate seeing you hurt so much. We’re your family, so let us help you.”

Jay nods against Cole’s chest, and Cole’s convinced Jay believes him this time. “Can… Can I sleep with you tonight?” Jay asks quietly, almost inaudible. 

Cole smiles, tension leaving his ghostly shoulders, “Of course, buddy. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

—

The others are out on a mission when Jay heads down to the below-ground training deck, dressed in one of his old training gis, one he hasn’t worn in years, but it’s the only one he has that’s long-sleeved. And he’d rather the wasted twenty minutes he spent digging around in his closet for it than be caught dead with his scars visible. It took long enough to get Cole off his back, and he still catches his best friend trying to spot them when his sleeves ride up his arms sometimes, or when he needs help changing clothes because his cast is bulky and stupid and inconvenient.

He knows he shouldn’t be doing this, he’s benched from anything ninja related until his wrist heals, it’s only been two weeks since it was broken, and Zane would have his head if he saw him here, but Jay doesn’t care. He gets the sling off in a week anyway, and the bruises are barely visible now. 

He just needs an outlet. He has to get all this pent up energy out, and things like playing video games or scrolling through his phone or lying in his bed and staring at the ceiling while the others go on patrol or training or missions aren’t cutting it anymore. 

As soon as he makes it to his destination, he rips off his sling and discards it on the floor, wrist immediately flaring at the loss of support, and grabbing a roll of athletic tape, haphazardly wrapping his unbroken, yet still bandaged, wrist to protect the cuts on his knuckles from his mirror incident. Once he’s convinced his hand is sufficiently equipped, he flexes his fingers experimentally, wincing at the pain caused from the cuts pulling, but he ignores it. 

He can deal with a little pain. 

After everything that was done to him on the ship?

Yeah, pain doesn’t really scare him anymore. 

He steps up to the punching bag, steadying himself before throwing his first hit. 

He takes a breath and then goes for it. 

The memories finally stopped a few days ago, eight weeks after he reset time, but so much had happened to him and it’s all too horrifying to think about at once, Jay can’t even begin to formulate a mental timeline, but for the sake of his sanity, he’s decided it’s not worth it to try. So now he’s just left with nightmares from things he’s sure actually happened, things he was conscious and coherent for; Nya dying, his friends disappearing, his home being torn apart, his capture, certain parts of the torture…

But he’s tired of being scared and feeling weak, tired of waking up gasping for air every night, tired of purposely keeping himself awake for as long as his body will allow to avoid the nightmares, tired of flinching at touch and well-intentioned hands that get too close, tired of being tired. So reminding himself what he’s capable of is the best thing he can do right now. 

The problem is gone, he’s not even here anymore, and it didn’t even happen . So there’s no reason Jay should even be upset in the first place. According to Nya, that reasoning is gonna be the death of him, but he can’t bring himself to care right now. 

It’s crazy to think how two little wishes cost him quite literally everything. 

“Well, I guess one little wish wouldn’t hurt?”

If only he knew then what he knows now.  

Since he’s the only one down here, he lets his lightning do its thing, letting go of his mental restraint and watching it erratically dance somewhat painfully across his limbs as he switches back and forth from punching and kicking the sand bag. The Litchenburg scars that wind in between each finger and snake up his arms and down his back glow faintly, sending his nerves alight and making his bad eye twitch. 

Lightning hasn’t felt much like his own in a long while. 

It hardly listens to him anymore, manifesting as violently and as unexpectedly as his anxiety, hurting him more so than comforting him. 

Wu’s warnings of the consequences of Vengestone echo in his brain. 

“According to these records, long-term overexposure effects would most likely entail less immunity to one’s element, scarring, weakened immune system, being easily fatigued, and loss of overall control.”

Logically he knows that’s probably what’s causing his lightning to be so finicky, why he keeps getting sick, why he can’t sleep…

But it’s a problem that’s not going to get fixed because Jay refuses to ask for help, so he might as well learn how to deal with it. 

For the next twenty minutes, Jay lets out all his frustrations on the sand bag. Jay’s not sure when the tears start falling, but he tries to ignore them and focus on his aggression instead, letting out every emotion that could possibly be used to lash out at Nya or the others here, since he’s done enough of that, too. 

He throws one last punch with an angered growl and lightning explodes from his fist. It feels like all his nerves fire off at once, pain radiates up his arms and down his legs and to his head, and suddenly Jay’s stumbling backwards with a pained shout, gripping his hair so hard his knuckles go numb, sparks fizzling out all around every inch of his body. 

The pain overwhelms him, and suddenly he’s sobbing in his hands, flashes of a similar experience at the lighthouse plaguing his memory, except this time is different because... 

It hurts. 

His lightning hurts. 

It never hurts this bad. 

Is he so fucked up that his own element won’t listen to him anymore?!

The one thing that’s supposed to be his, the one thing that makes him special and unique?

Nadakhan was right, he’s not a ninja, he never deserved to be one in the first place…

And suddenly there are arms wrapping around him that come from behind, pinning his arms to hit sides, squeezing him, and pressing his back against them. He thrashes and squirms, but he can’t move, panic rising the longer this person chooses to keep him still. 

His mind is screaming danger danger danger yet his lightning isn’t, why won’t it respond, he’s not strong enough to get free, he’s gonna be drugged again if he doesn’t move, they never like it when he’s not compliant, and they’re gonna hurt him more, and Nadakhan is gonna drag him to his room and hold him down on the bed and—

FSM, he can’t move, he can’t breathe…

“—know you don’t wanna be touched— hurt me if you need— not gonna let you hurt yourself— relax, buddy! It’s just Kai.”

Kai’s gentle voice cuts through the static in his brain, and Jay stops fighting, slumping weakly in Kai’s hold with a frustrated groan once he realizes he’s safe. 

Kai releases his hold on Jay and maneuvers himself so the younger can see exactly what’s happening. “You with me, buddy?” It takes a few minutes for the buzzing to stop, but once Jay’s aware of his surroundings again, he nods weakly. Kai gently guides Jay’s hands away from his arms to inspect the damage, there’s blood leaking through the bandages. “Let me wrap your hand for you, bud. And let’s get your sling back on.”

Jay nods numbly, suddenly very aware of the raspiness to his breathing as Kai kneels down in front of him with the training room’s first-aid kit. Kai carefully grabs Jay’s casted wrist and slips the sling back over his head, adjusting it accordingly, and then takes Jay’s hand, gently unwinding the bloody tape and bandages with a special kind of compassion usually reserved for Lloyd and Nya, a compassion not unknown to Jay, but still foreign nonetheless. 

“Y-You’re not gonna yell at me for doing this?” Jay’s raspy voice asks weakly, not even wincing as Kai wipes away the blood with alcohol. 

Kai just shakes his head, “Nah, figured you don’t need to hear it. Besides, it’d be pretty hypocritical of me if I did.” Jay just nods numbly, letting Kai finish his handiwork. 

“Ugh, just be glad you didn’t have to go on this mission,” Kai chuckles all of a sudden. “Man, did it suck. First of all, the Commissioner sent us the wrong address. Can you believe that? Wrong address! How does that even happen?! So we spent the first half of the time chasing our tails just trying to find the stupid place…”

Kai drones on for the next five minutes about the details of the mission, and considering it turned out to be just a run of the mill warehouse break-in, he most definitely exaggerates certain parts of the mission report, namely the parts he was involved in. 

Jay knows what he’s doing, Kai’s trying to distract him. And while he’s the tiniest bit offended at being babied, he’s mostly grateful. Kai’s always been good at this kind of stuff, he used to do it with Lloyd all the time when he was younger. 

Once Kai finishes the bandages, he sighs, miming the expression of wiping sweat from his forehead. “Anyway, long story short, Cole drew the short straw on the way home, so he has to write up the report. And I do not envy him one bit.”

Jay nods, but he doesn’t say anything else, taking a breath once his nerves have settled. They’re still throbbing slightly, but it’s a lot less painful than before. He can breathe, now, at least. 

“You with me, bluebell?” Kai asks gently, rubbing soothingly warm circles on Jay’s back. 

“I want, Nya,” Jay whispers timidly, cheeks flushing slightly. 

Kai gives him a pained smile and then hooks his arm under Jay’s, helping him stand up. “Okay, buddy. Let’s go find Nya.”

—

Nya frustratedly wipes the tears from her eyes as she practically throws open the door leading to the open deck from below, with a nightmare fresh in her mind and the only person who would understand in an exhaustion-induced unconsciousness in her bed after having been awake for ninety-six hours straight. She’s not able to stand to be in the stuffy cabin with her breathing sounding like she’d just come up for air after being submerged in her element for too long. 

She can’t shake the images of her nightmare from her mind, the feeling of Nadakhan’s possessive hands caressing her face and hips, and visions of that monster gutting Jay with his hook right in front of her… watching the life fade from Jay’s eyes like he was forced to witness with her…

The cold wind of the night’s summer air in the upper atmosphere immediately brings the glorious oxygen to her screaming lungs and makes her shiver in the thin, oversized, blue t-shirt and purple pajama pants she has on. She stumbles her way to the railing, resting her forearms on it and hanging her head down, trying to get ahold of her raspy breathing. 

The Bounty is anchored on the outskirts of the city, just close enough that she can see the expanse of skyscrapers and neon lights, but far enough that the usual hustle and bustle of the night in the densely populated region of Ninjago is out of earshot. 

It wasn’t long ago that the city was in pieces. 

People screaming in terror, children being torn apart from their families as that monster collected enough power to harness her family’s energy, while he looked at her like she was nothing more than a prize to be won…

Nya groans in frustration, gripping her hair in her hands tightly as she tries to focus on something else, FSM, please let her focus on something else!

She draws up a small sphere of water from the moisture in the air and cradles it in her palms in an attempt to calm herself. She takes a soothing breath as the comforting hum runs through her veins and itches at her fingertips. She sits there for a few minutes, playing with the element she’s connected to at her very core, moving her finger in a figure-eight motion, watching dazedly as the water follows her command like it’s supposed to. 

Jay doesn’t even have that comfort anymore, with his powers behaving uncharacteristically erratic. 

“Agh! Would you please shut the fuck up!” She quietly yells to herself, cursing her brain for tormenting her at this hour. 

She is tired of her brain running wild every night. 

Is it too much to ask for a little peace and quiet?! Even from her own mind?!

“Fuck you!” Nya shouts, throwing the nearest vase at the djinn who simply disappears and reappears out of harm’s way as the glass shatters on the opposite wall. She’s tired of his advances when he visits her every morning, she’s tired of the gloating, and she’s tired of being stuck in this damn bedroom, with nothing to do but wait in fear for what that could possibly mean. 

“My, my, such hostility for such a small girl. I do hope you’re happy, that váse was centuries old,” Nadakhan sneers, smiling cynically, looking at her with lust gleaming in his eyes. “No matter, anyone can be worn down with enough… convincing. The pathetic child you call your ‘savior’ included.”

Nya scowls, “Don’t you dare fucking talk about Jay like that. He will come for me.” 

Nadakhan smirks, “Oh, you mean my little canary? Ah, yes, he said the same thing when he was first captured… so full of misguided hope. He was quite the fun challenge. But it was so rewarding watching him crumble. He was my favorite toy to break.”

Nya’s expression darkens in pure anger, “You’re insane,” she sneers, turning away from the imposing djinn to face the window covered by bars. 

“And Jay is weak. He’s much too defeated to even try and save you. All it really took was my crew beating him senseless, twisting his memory with my drugs, exploiting his insecurities, and finally,” Nadakhan smiles evilly and it makes Nya’s stomach twist in knots as she turns back around to look at him, “ a few elements of the… how you say, sexual nature, and he was as good as broken.”

Nya puts a fist to her mouth to keep herself from puking. “Y-You really are sick. And definitely delusional if you think I’m just gonna go along with all this. Keep me locked in this room all you want, but I will never stop fighting you!”

“Hmm, on the contrary, love. I think deep down, you do want me, my dear. I would know.”

Nya looks taken aback, but there’s fear and regret buried beneath it, “What part of ‘fuck you’ made you think I wanted any of this?!”

He sneers down at her, “Why, you told me so with your eyes and your glances, my love.”

Nya furrows her brow, “W-What?”

Nadakhan just smirks like he’s just succeeded, “If you are truly so disgusted with me, why did your eyes tell me you wanted me so many times before, hm?”

Nya trembles, her breath coming in short gasps and she tries to wrack her brain for the instances Nadakhan seems to remember with such clarity. “I-I’m fifteen, asshole!” She settles on instead, not sure of what else to say in defense. “It’s n-not even legal for me to be married in my realm.”

He simply shrugs, sneering condescendingly. “Well, luckily for you, my beautiful bride, we’re on Djinn land, now. Women in my world are married off at much younger ages than yourself.”

Nya backs up as he starts to float towards her, spitting at him with defiance. “I’d rather kill myself than marry you.”

He growls angrily then suddenly shoots forward so fast Nya doesn’t have time to react, two arms grabbing her wrists, and the other gripping her face hard. “ Trust me, Nya. Once my love is returned to me, you will never speak out of turn again. And then I will make you watch as I personally slit my little canary’s throat.” He disappears from the room without another word, leaving Nya to sink to the floor against the side of the bed and bury her head in her arms, praying to the First Master the tears burning her eyes decide not to fall. 

He leaves her alone for the next few days, but the feeling of his hands burning her skin never goes away. 

Nya shakes herself out of the memory but her chest starts to burn again. She momentarily loses focus of her powers, causing the sphere of water she was cradling to dissipate. She brings a hand to her chest and starts rubbing fiercely at her scar, willing the pain to lessen, but it only seems to worsen.  

He breathing starts picking up and the burning grows sharper, feeling something akin to her brother’s fire taking light in her core. 

A few more seconds of this, and the tears start falling, and she can’t get the image of Jay’s lifeless form out of her mind, she can’t shake the feeling of the djinn’s hands on her waist, she can’t get rid of Delara’s voice in her head, she can’t stop seeing the look of pure hopelessness on Jay’s face as Nadakhan turned her family to gold and gloated as if Jay was weak and worthless, and then he’s picking her up and twirling her as Delara cheers and Nya can’t do anything but watch, and then she’s dying and gasping and she can’t keep her eyes open anymore…

Oh FSM, she can’t breathe—

“Nya?” A calm, soft voice gently calls her name, immediately quelling the hot fire sounding in her mind and body. She immediately whirls around at the voice, forgetting the fact that there are tears actively streaming down her face, and seeing the concerned face of Zane standing in the doorway leading to the lower deck. 

And despite every fiber of her being instinctually telling her to wipe her tears and prove that she’s fine… Nya lets out a loud, agonized sob, instead, falling to her knees as Zane shouts her name again, reaching her in less than a second and guiding her into his firm, metallic arms. 

Nya grips Zane like a lifeline as she sobs and wails, praying the searing fire in her chest will cease if she just begs it to. Zane remains firm, whispering affirmations in her ears as he gently rocks her back and forth in a soothing motion, rubbing a cold hand in circles on her back. 

She suddenly feels an intense cold on her arms, and looking down, she sees the frost that is now coating the parts of Zane’s body she’s clinging to. Zane’s cold has never been bitter and sharp, like the bite of a harsh winter. It’s more soothing, comforting, grounding, like the cool breeze on a bright spring morning, or the rush of relief when entering an air-conditioned building on a scorching-hot summer afternoon. 

The cool thrum of Zane’s power source combined with his element is a welcoming calm to the overwhelming burning sensation blooming in her chest and spreading across her body. 

She takes one last strangled gulp of air as Zane coaches her through breathing, having her mimic him as he inhales and exhales in example. Distantly, she hears his system beeping, noticing the flashing of his eyes. 

“Nya, your oxygen levels are dangerously low,” he says calmly once her breathing isn’t as ragged. “Forgive me for asking when you are still distressed, but do you know what caused this?”

Nya lies and shakes her head.

She can feel Zane deflate slightly in disappointment. 

“You’ve been experiencing this for quite some time, yes?”

Nya hesitates, but she nods her head. 

“And I assume your nightmare aggravated your symptoms?”

Nya lets out another sob as she nods, and FSM, what did she do to deserve Zane?

“I see,” he says understandingly. He places a cool hand on her forehead, and pulls it away seemingly satisfied. He then starts to run his fingers through her hair as she shudders. “In that case, please try and focus on your breathing. Deep breath in, deep breath out,” he coaches her through it for a few tries before continuing. “I am here for you if you wish to talk, sister.”

Nya lets out another sob, but she never takes Zane up on his offer. 

Zane stays with her until the sun comes up, and then she sits with him in the kitchen while he makes breakfast and waits for the others to join them. 

—

“You ready?”

Jay, as he sits on Nya’s bed in her room with the lights dimmed, shirtless, back towards her, with one of his fidget toys she’d made him gripped firmly in his hands, takes a shuttering inhale, trying his best to compose himself before letting out the breath, tension easing from his shoulders just a bit. “Yeah. I’m okay, go ahead.”

Just as soon as Jay gives her the all clear, Nya places her hands on his shoulders, and even though his first instinct is to flinch, he steadies himself and doesn’t let his body react. When Jay doesn’t tell her to stop, Nya takes it as her cue to keep going, trailing her hands gently down his arms and back in a soothing motion, unconsciously tracing the myriad of scars, the countless marks creating rough, uneven, and marred flesh, as she does so. 

The cuts he sustained from punching the mirror have fully healed, and he’s finally free of the sling since last week. He’s still stuck in the cast for another three, and thankfully, the pain of his fracture has mostly subsided, so no one has badgered him about pain meds in a while. 

It’s not until her hands start getting closer to his shorts when she feels him tense harder. “Breathe, honey. You’re okay, just me, remember?”

“Mhm,” Jay murmurs tightly, squeezing the fidget so hard it creaks, trying to force himself to release the tension in his shoulders. 

He doesn’t ask her to stop, so she takes it as her cue to keep going.

They’d been keeping up this routine for a few weeks since the time reversal, Nya working with and helping him recognize non-threatening touch again with the two sitting in a relaxed space, and with Jay in total control, while Nya runs her hands over the spots he’s been most nervous about others touching. The two had been doing it up until he’d had the dream about… about the… the rape. And since then, he’s refused almost any and all attempts at help. 

But since the night Nya’d found out, the day he realized the now very real possibility of some of his abusers still being out there, with them being none-the-wiser as to why Jay was so afraid, he’s trying to put more of an effort into “getting over it,” as he likes to put it to himself. 

Jay’s able to hold it together for another ten minutes as Nya carefully caresses her hands up and down, stretching from his shoulders and down his back, as well as up and down across his arms, and at the nape of his neck. Jay breathes heavily throughout the whole ordeal, but he thinks he’s doing well enough. 

Until Nya’s hand lightly brushes the hem of his pants and all the alarm bells that scream danger in his head go off at once. He flinches hard and immediately shoots up from the bed to put distance between himself and the hands that his mind thinks are dangerous, even though he knows it’s not true. 

“Sorry!” He shouts immediately, cheeks flushing red with embarrassment. “I-I’m sorry, I, it just scared me, sorry.”

Nya gives him a soft look of understanding, “It’s okay, we’re doing this at your pace, yeah? Nothing to be sorry for.” She then frowns guilty, realizing a second too late what freaked him out. “I shouldn’t have gone so low without warning you first. My fault.”

That doesn’t quell Jay’s anxiety, it just makes him feel worse. “N-No, Nya, this is… Agh! This is so stupid !” He starts pacing, dropping his fidget toy on the bed and instead choosing to bite his nails. 

“Jay,” Nya tries to interject. 

“No, Nya! It is! I’m a ninja, I’m supposed to be strong and brave and… And yet here we are, doing this, this… bullshit, because I’m too much of a chicken to handle the thing I used to love more than anything!”

Nya furrows her brow, “It’s not—“

“ Yes, Nya!” He interrupts her again. “ Bullshit! I’m so fucked up, I can’t get over this stupid… It didn’t even happen! Why can’t I just get over it! ” 

In his burst of anger and self-loathing, he doesn’t notice the change in Nya’s demeanor. Her expression immediately sours at Jay’s confession. 

“Well, what about me, Jay?!” She yells angrily, gripping her hair in a manic way, uncharacteristically so, especially since she was the level-headed one moments ago. “Am I stupid and fucked up because I feel the same way?” 

There’s silence for a moment, and Nya almost immediately regrets blowing up. 

His face morphs into concern, immediately dropping his own destructive internalization, his nose scrunching up the slightest bit in confusion, and Nya can instantly tell when dread sets in. “What do you…“

Nya clenches her jaw and swallows thickly, like she’s hesitating. “I-I get the touching thing, and the way he’d… the way he’d look at you,” she interrupts him, snapping slightly. “I get it, okay?! I know what it feels like.”

Jay’s face falls as the little bit of color he had completely drains, fear instantaneously making his chest seize and his breathing stop. “W-What? He, Nya, he didn’t… Did he?! Y-You said he left you alone when I tried to get you out the first time, Nya, please tell me he didn’t—“

“N-No,” Nya whispers hesitantly, quelling Jay’s fear before it can’t get out of hand. “It never went that far, and I’m not downplaying what he did to you! That was… horrible, Jay, you have every right to be upset about what happened, and I know. But…” She clarifies before hesitating once more, trying to collect her composure.

“He… he grabbed my face and kissed me right after I pushed you through the portal, his hands would… would linger in all the wrong places, no matter how hard I fought him,” her voice catches in her throat. “A-And then after the wedding, when I was… was possessed, I couldn’t move or talk but… but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t still hear and see and feel… They were all over each other, Jay, and if you guys hadn’t shown up when you did… I would’ve understood you in a whole ‘nother way, okay?”

“Nya,” Jay’s face falls, and he immediately sits back in his spot on the bed, grabbing his shirt and haphazardly putting it back on, facing Nya this time and grabbing one of her hands. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Nya looks up to meet his eyes with a weariness and exhaustion he hasn’t noticed has been there this whole time until now, shrugging her shoulders. “Why didn’t you?”

Jay’s eyes widen in understanding. “Nya…” his face scrunches up. “You’re not stupid, and you’re not fucked up. We… We both went through a lot. And I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me, but…”

Realization hits him like a truck. 

Oh. 

Jay blinks. “I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”

The tension in Nya’s shoulders relaxes the slightest bit, she huffs a laugh, “You’re smart when you need to be. Stubborn, on the other hand? Now that’s a whole different story. Fatal flaw for us both.”

He guesses all it took to understand what Nya’s been telling him for weeks was for him to see it in reverse. 

“I-I just,” she hesitates, “I didn’t know how to… how to fix everything, and the only way I could make myself feel better was to focus solely on you. Helping you work through your bad stuff… helped me ignore my bad stuff. I-I hate feeling so helpless, so I just… thought it was for the best.”

“Nya,” Jay smiles lovingly, “you’ve been amazing at being there for me, and I’ve been doing a shitty job returning the favor.” He presses a kiss to her hand, and it makes her smile slightly. “And I’m really sorry. So, let me make it up to you, now. The floor’s yours, love.”

Nya’s eyes soften in appreciation, but then her mouth scrunches self-consciously, eyes shifting from side to side. “I-I don’t know, Jay. I just… sometimes, sometimes I just think that maybe if I hadn’t… I-I know I can’t change genetics, and it was just a freak coincidence I happened to look like his dead lover, but… sometimes I think maybe there was something I did? S-Something I may have said? Or how I carried myself that made him think I wanted— “ her breath hitches the slightest bit and she bites her lip to contain a sob, brown eyes welling up with tears. “I-I don’t know, I know it’s not rational, but...”

“Nya,” Jay says softly, the most sincere Nya thinks she’s ever heard him be, “he was a monster, and you are fifteen. There is nothing you could’ve done or said that was ‘asking for it’ in any way. It’s not your fault. You gave him hell, and resisted the whole time as best as you could.”

Nya swallows thickly, but nods. “A-And I know you’re right. But so much happened, and when I sit and think about it for too long and try to rationalize everything, I can’t help but blame myself.”

Jay huffs in agreement, “Yeah, I know. Trust me, Nya, I get it.”

After a bit of coaxing and reassurance, Nya goes on to tell him about the other few things on her mind. How hard it was to see him so badly hurt back at the lighthouse, the fear she had that he might not make it and how it would’ve been her fault because she couldn’t properly take care of him or help him. The downright terror that he’d been sent somewhere that wasn’t safe and hurt worse after she’d shoved him through the portal when it took over a week for him to get to her. How humiliating it was to be forced into clothes that weren’t hers, (she doesn’t think she’ll ever want to wear a wedding dress), pretending to be a willing participant in the wedding, having to fake being… impressed with that monster just to buy Jay some extra time. 

The worst of it all how horrifying being possessed was, not only for in fear of losing something to Nadakhan she could never get back, (like she’d found out Jay had) , but being utterly powerless to do anything as Nadakhan took her family away and taunted Jay when the latter could barely stand on his own anymore, how she watched the fight in Jay’s eyes disappear little by little after he’d already been fighting for so long, and how unsettling it was to hear Delara’s sadistic internal monologue. To hear her gloat about her and Nadakhan winning, telling her how weak she was, how weak she thought Jay was. 

And… how dying felt. 

Feeling herself fading as Jay’s blood stained her hands and dress, her vision growing fuzzy and dark at the edges as the venom burned through her clothes and sizzled on her skin. 

The worry she had at being forced to leave her family, hoping they’d… hoping Jay would still have the strength to finish off Nadakhan even after she was gone. 

And finally, what she saw when she died. 

That part is becoming exceedingly hard to remember the more time passes, but she can still vaguely picture the lush, beautiful green fields and bright yellow flowers, the gentle and comforting voice that was immediately calming, the person who was somehow able to fill her with the reassurance that everything would eventually be okay with just his presence, even though she can’t remember a face or exactly what the voice sounded like. 

For being someone so determined on proving herself and being her own person, she sure was robbed of her agency and forced to do a whole lot of nothing as everything went so wrong so fast.  

Jay squeezes her hand as soon as she’s finished, he’s still smiling, although it’s pained, and Nya can see the hurt on his face. “Can I hug you?” He asks, mirroring the kindness she’s given him since this mess started. 

She nods, wiping the tear that trails down her cheek, and Jay immediately wraps his arms around her, squeezing like he’s scared she’ll disappear. “I’m so sorry, Nya.”

Nya huffs, because of course he’d apologize. “It’s not your fault, Sparky.”

“I-I know,” his reply genuinely surprises her as he nuzzles his face into her neck. “But I’m still sorry it happened.”

Nya smiles, squeezing Jay just a bit tighter. “I’m sorry for what happened to you, too.”

Jay releases her from his iron-like grip, and Nya takes a deep breath and smiles at him. He’s got a love-struck look on his face, he looks proud. And even though she’s not sure Jay ever really fell out of love in the first place, this look is different from how he used to look at her. It’s like he actually sees her now, for how she really is, not how he wanted to see her. That’s what it feels like, at least. 

Or maybe this is just the first time Nya’s allowed herself to see his love-struck awe since before the perfect match machine thing. 

But then his face falls for a second, looking almost guilty. “Should… Should I have been asking about the touch thing, too?” He asks hesitantly, a hint of self-deprecation in the undertones. 

Nya thinks for a moment before shaking her head. She hadn’t even really thought about it. “No,” she answers honestly. “His hands were… different. Yours don’t feel anything like it.”

“Okay, good,” Jay breathes, relieved he wasn’t overstepping any boundaries, and overjoyed she’s not affected the same way he was by him. “Well, what do you need, Nya? What can I do to help?”

Nya takes a steadying breath before blowing it out, despite secretly hoping Jay would ask that question for weeks, she doesn’t really know. “I-I just,” she hesitates, trying to find the words, “I need to be my own person. I need to be Nya. Not Kai’s sister, not your girlfriend, not Samurai X, not the ‘girl ninja,’ not Delara. Nya! I need—“ her breath hitches. “Jay, I just need to be me. I’m tired of people deciding what I should be, is it too much to ask for me to be able to make that decision for myself?”

Her question is genuine, and it makes Jay sick how he can hear the doubt in her voice. He gently takes her hands in his, before giving her what he hopes is a reassuring smile.

“Of course, not,” he answers decidedly. “Look, Nya. It’s not fair that you’ve had to fight so hard for a spot, you should’ve never had to, and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that… I’m sorry for everything I was doing before; trying to win you back, trying to be someone I wasn’t, making you uncomfortable, steamrolling that whole mess.” 

There’s so much genuine heart in his voice and love in his heterochromatic eyes, and even if Nya can tell that one is unseeing, she feels completely and utterly seen. 

“Nya,” he continues, “ you are the strongest person I know. And anyone who says otherwise is an idiot, and they aren’t worth listening to. I promise you, I’m going to be better. I’m gonna love you so much, I’m gonna be there for you, and I’m gonna listen.”

Nya finds her eyes widening, she doesn’t want to cry, but this is exactly what she needed to hear. 

“And if I ever fuck that up, you put me in my place.” That makes Nya snort, and Jay smiles in satisfaction. 

“Look, this whole situation… it sucks, Nya. It really sucks. Awful things happened to us both, things we aren’t gonna forget, and to be completely honest with you, I don’t know if I’m ever gonna feel okay about any of it. But Nadakhan…” Jay takes a breath, squeezing his eyes shut, shivering at just the mention of that monster’s name. “He already took away so much from us, I don’t want him to take the rest of my… of our lives, too. And if we’re gonna get past this, no more secrets with each other.” 

He squeezes her hand, and she squeezes back, smiling as she thinks to herself. They’ve come a long way since that first night ten weeks ago. She belatedly realizes the journey in coming to terms with and healing from the things that happened in the lost timeline isn’t going to be linear. 

Recovery isn’t linear. 

She lets herself use that word she’d been avoiding for two and a half months. You’d think she’d know that by now after having heard it so many times with all the injuries everyone has gotten over the years. 

But at this moment? 

She’s really proud of the progress Jay and her have made thus far. 

“Yeah,” Nya agrees. “I think we can do that.” Glancing at the clock on her nightstand that reads 1:18 am, she moves over so she’s laying on the pillows that lean against her headboard, and Jay takes that as his cue to lay his head on her lap, and Nya starts carding her fingers through his curly hair once his head hits her legs, untangling knots as she goes. “I’m really proud of you, Jay.”

Nya feels Jay suck in a sudden inhale, and she thinks she sees him wipe away a tear. “Thanks, Nya. I’m proud of you, too.”

Neither one of them had a nightmare that night. 

—

“Do you think we should tell Wu?” Jay asks suddenly and somewhat timidly, uncertainty filling his tone as he completes the first stage of the current form he’s on. 

The two are below the deck in the training room at three in the morning, two weeks after Nya’s confessions and the start of their mutual understandings, both of them having had the nightmare this time, scaring them awake at nearly the same time from where they were cuddled together in Nya’s bed. 

So, hence why Nya is currently helping Jay run through some simple katas and stretches, getting him back into the swing of things, (with supervision this time; she was not happy when Kai told her what happened when he’d found Jay), in preparation for him to get his cast off and switch to a brace next week. Wu promised he could slowly start participating once his cast was off, so with nothing better to do, and the both of them having learned that going back to sleep after a nightmare never ends well, Jay wanted to get some of the rust off his joints. 

“I-I think he suspects something, like I know everybody does, I don’t know how much he knows, but this stuff with my powers and the Vengestone…” Jay grimaces as a small spark flickers in one of his hands as if it’s mocking him. “I think that stuff messed with me more than I thought. I keep getting sick, and it physically burns if I don’t at least keep my powers at a low buzz practically 24/7, but using them that much is exhausting, and… And I know you didn’t want anyone to know! But… but it’s Wu. He’s the only one I can think of who might know what to do?”

Nya frowns as she thinks about it. 

As much as she doesn’t want to talk about it, knowing Jay feels the same, it’s saying something that he’s willing to open up and ask for help, now. He would’ve never even considered it a few weeks ago. 

And it probably is for the best that they get a handle on his powers before something worse happens. 

She sighs, “Yeah, you’re… you’re probably right.”

Jay mumbles something under his breath, just as the next form requires him to turn his back to Nya. 

She raises an eyebrow. “I know you know I didn’t hear that.”

Jay sighs, finishing the kata with a bow. “I said… and I may have some questions about,” he hesitates again, “…about my birth mom?”

Nya’s eyes widened in concern, “You’ve been thinking about her, again?” He’s talked about his adoption a few times before, but never in detail. Nya has a sinking suspicion it’s in solidarity for her parental situation, but Nya would never fault him for being upset about it. 

“Yeah,” he sighs, letting out a sigh. “I’m not complaining!” He quickly clarifies, even though he doesn’t have to. “And I know I already have two amazing parents, but… a part of me just needs to know? I have no idea what happened, and I want to know, at least I think I do? But I also don’t know if I can handle it if the answer is simply that they just didn’t want me.” His demeanor shifts, shoulders sagging minutely as he comes to join her to sit on the bench. 

Nya nudges his shoulder encouragingly as he sits down. “It’s okay to want to know. You have that right.” Jay’s frown still doesn’t lift. “Hey,” she nudges him again so he’ll look at her, “if I had the chance to find out what happened to my parents, I’d take it. There’s no shame in wanting answers.”

Jay’s eyes widen at her confession the slightest, before he finally nods. “Yeah, okay. I’ll ask Wu if he knows anything.”

Nya gives him a reassuring smile, and he gets back up to continue his mild workout. 

“How’s your eye, by the way?” She asks like she doesn’t already know the answer. His left eye glazes over on the worst days, exactly like it’s doing now. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah, no, I can’t see shit,” he says way too nonchalantly for someone who is half-blind, but Nya can’t help but roll her eyes with a smile, anyway. “But I think I’m actually getting used to it? Haven’t bumped into anything in a while!” 

Nya knows the borderline-hysteria and morbid joking are only due to the apparent lack of sleep. As if to prove him wrong, she throws a roll of athletic tape at the left side of his head, he doesn’t even flinch until it hits him square in the temple, having not seen it coming, and it makes him stumble and lose his form, letting out a disgruntled yelp in the process. 

Jay throws it right back at her, and by the time Nya catches it, the two have already dissolved into hysterical giggling. 

—

It takes Jay and Nya another week before they muster up the courage to have the conversation with Wu, prolonging the time for much longer than necessary to go over the game plan of divulging the six months of lost time to their sensei. And even when they do decide it’s time, it takes almost an hour of rationalizing the decision back and forth with each other, and another twenty minutes of just standing in front of Wu’s study without knocking before they even set foot inside. 

They picked one of their days off to do this, so unless they, excluding Jay, are specifically asked for by the Commissioner, they won’t be interrupted by patrol or evening training. And plus, it’s late afternoon, meaning the others are in the common room either watching TV or playing video games, and there’s a pretty great chance Jay and Nya won’t be found by anyone. Especially since the others have taken the habit of leaving them alone unless explicitly asked otherwise, which is a fact both Jay and Nya are starting to feel guilty about. 

Jay’s the one standing in front of the door, with Nya right by his side, hand positioned as if ready to knock, yet not making any motion to do so for the past ten minutes, rocking anxiously from side to side. 

“What if he’s disappointed?” Jay suddenly asks nervously as he whirls around to his right to face her, biting his lip. Nya noticed the sparks starting to flicker in the hand that’s still in its cast. 

Her eyes soften. “He won’t be, Jay. I promise.” She asks if she can touch him, and Jay gives her permission immediately, (a testament to how far he’s come), so she cups his cheek and leans forward to press a kiss to his lips. When she pulls back, he’s smiling dopily at her. “And at the slightest chance he is, I’ll let him have it.”

Jay chuckles, and he knows she’s serious. “Okay.”

“And remember what we talked about; we don’t have to mention the details about… y’know.” Nya grimaces. “The shittiest part. Okay? That’s your choice, totally up to you.”

Jay swallows nervously, but he nods, shaking out his body and snapping his fingers to get rid of the nerves, and the small sparks that have become synonymous with his anxiety in the past few weeks. 

“Okay,” he says, more firmly. “Here goes nothing.” 

He gently knocks on the door twice, “Sensei?” After hearing Wu’s affirmative response to come in, Jay opens the door. Nya grabs his hand, and they enter. As they step inside, Wu turns to look at the two from where he’s seated at his desk, giving them a smile and a raised eyebrow in question. “Hey, um…” Jay starts hesitantly, “Can we, uh, talk to you about something?”

Wu almost looks like he was expecting their visit. “Of course, I suppose I’m due for a break anyway.” He rolls up the scroll he was reading and motions for them to have a seat on the tatami mats, where he joins a second later. “What is on your mind?”

Jay bites the inside of his cheek, radiating enough nervous energy for his powers to act accordingly, making the static in the air palpable, Nya and Wu both take notice. 

“Um, well…” Nya squeezes his hand to help ground him. He takes a steadying breath. “Something… Something happened to us, and then… then it kinda didn’t happen?”

Wu raises an eyebrow, yet there’s still concern painting every line of his weathered face. 

Jay takes another deep breath. “Okay, let me… let me explain.”

So Jay starts telling the tale as it happened chronologically, starting by explaining how returning from their attempt to stop Clouse wasn’t how it happened the first time. He tells Wu about Nadakhan, explaining the monster and how his magic worked, being framed and sent to prison, divulging how they’d found out Wu was missing, and then Misako following suit soon after. Jay tries to hurry through recounting the events as quickly as possible while simultaneously trying to not miss anything important, but the knot that’s growing in his stomach gets worse by the second because this is the first time he’s gone through everything out loud to someone who didn’t already remember. 

He gets to the point of Nadakhan appearing to him first, making the mistake of wishing, the word sounding bitter on his tongue, and how it eventually led to Kai and Zane being sucked into the sword. And then Jay reaches the point of Tiger Widow island and just… freezes. 

Nya interjects at that point, picking up where Jay left off, as the latter stares dazedly at his wringing hands, explaining their need to extract the venom of the Tiger Widow, and then how Jay was captured and held hostage for over two months because of it, Jay flinching the more she explains. Nya doesn’t tell Wu what Nadakhan decided to do to Jay in his bed, all she does is mention how Jay was tortured badly to be coerced into making his final wish. 

The look on Wu’s face when Nya relays that last bit of information is one Jay will never forget. 

He looks horrified.  

Jay doesn’t give him the chance to process the startling information, because he picks up the story from there, mentioning how Nadakhan told him of his plans to marry Nya and rebuild Djinnjago from the stolen land of Ninjago, and hastily explaining Nya, Cole, and Lloyd’s rescue attempt that ended in Cole and Lloyd being sucked into the sword, and Jay and Nya getting away. 

The details of their month-long stay at Zane’s father’s lighthouse and all the specifics of everything from then up until Jay freeing everyone from the sword are skimmed over. 

Lastly, Jay explains crashing the wedding, failing in stopping it, Nya being possessed, taking the final stand, losing the others again, and… and Nya being hit with the venom. 

Jay has to take another deep inhale as a few tears leak from his eyes without him even noticing. “S-So, I made my final wish, that Nya had taken my hand before the whole mess had even started, and no one had ever found the teapot to begin with. Next thing we know, Nya’s not… y’know, dead, I wasn’t injured, and we were all back on the hospital roof, and no one but us remembered anything.”

When Jay finally looks up at his teacher, he’s… he’s crying. Wiping the tears from his face as he takes his own disbelieving breath.

“Soooo, yeah?” Jay chuckles nervously, “Heh heh, that’s… that’s what happened, or uh, didn’t happen?”

Wu takes a moment before responding, collecting his thoughts and wiping the last stray tear from his cheek. “It troubles me greatly that you two have been forced to carry this burden alone for so long.” He places a gentle hand on each of his students’ shoulders. Jay doesn’t flinch like he did the last time he came to him with questions. “It is deeply concerning that I cannot remember any of this, even after being relayed the information. Are you certain the others do not remember?”

Nya nods in confirmation. “I mean, they definitely suspect something is wrong with… with how we’ve been acting the past three months, but… Yeah, we’re sure. It’s just us.”

“Why is that?” Wu asks gently. “Do you have any indication as to why it is specifically you two?”

Jay bites his lip, eyes darting from side to side nervously. “We’re not totally sure? But… but I did have this dream where, where Nadakhan said it was his ‘parting gift’? I don’t know how, but I think it was intentional on his part… for stopping him.”

Wu’s expression darkens, and the couple can take a guess as to why. 

“But, uh, speaking of the dream?” Wu frowns, suspecting this story is going to take an even darker turn. “I was, um, drugged a lot? While I was a prisoner, so I lost a lot of time, and since I reset time, I started getting my memories back? That lasted for two months, but um, my point is that… uh, FSM, ” he curses softly to himself, trying to find the words. 

“It is okay, son,” Wu affirms, and Nya squeezes his hand harder to ground him. “Take your time.”

Jay nods, trying to control his breathing. “Okay, so what I’m getting at is… even though I reversed time, things still carried over? If that makes sense? Like, um…” He trails off, looking at Nya for backup. She looks like she hesitates, too. 

But then Nya looks at Wu, and pulls down the front of her t-shirt so the scar from the venom is mostly visible. Jay mimics her gesture and removes his hoodie, so Wu can see the myriad of scars on his chest and abdomen. 

Their sensei looks like he might be sick, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth in utter shock. 

“We, uh… still have scars,” Nya explains sheepishly, readjusting her shirt to hide hers as she explains, and Jay slips his hoodie back on, too. 

Just when Wu thought it couldn’t get any worse, Jay explains further. He gingerly picks up his pant leg, and rolls down his sock to reveal the horrifyingly dark ring of damaged flesh around his ankle. 

“I was chained to Vengestone the entire time Nadakhan had me…” he says timidly, “and I think it messed up my powers?”

Realization seems to dawn on Wu’s face, and he strokes his beard gently. “The night you came to me a few months ago asking about overexposure…” Jay nods in confirmation. “I have to admit, I suspected something happened to you, but never could I have imagined the severity of it all.”

Jay shrinks in on himself slightly, “Yeah, um… So all the side effects you mentioned? About the losing control and insomnia and crappy immune system? Yeah, I got all that.” As if on cue, a few sparks emit from Jay’s hands, giving Nya a slight static shock and making Jay wince with pain. “My powers, they, they don’t listen very well anymore, a-and they hurt? Like, more than normal? And I can’t shake the pent up energy feeling? Oh, and uh, I’m kinda half blind, now?”

Wu looks taken aback at the last piece of information, and Nya mentally face-palms at Jay’s lack of tact, but she can’t blame him. 

Jay chuckles nervously, “The eye that’s totally not the color it’s supposed to be? Some days are better than others, but yeah, it’s pretty much useless.” He rubs his arm self-consciously with his casted arm. “I-I know you said you didn’t know, but I wanted to ask… Is there anything you can do?”

Wu strokes his beard in thought, but he doesn’t look optimistic. “I’ll admit, I am not sure. I don’t know much about this subject. But I will look into it and see how I can help. If you are willing to work with me one-on-one, I am confident we can figure something out.”

Jay, though looking particularly downtrodden, nods in agreement, having a spark of hope in his eyes, something he hasn’t felt in awhile. There’s a beat of silence before Nya asks another question, deciding to address the elephant in the room. “Are you mad, Sensei? That we kept this from you?”

“Mad?” Wu looks surprised the two could ever think of such a thing. “Oh, goodness no. Of course not! I’m only saddened you didn’t tell me sooner, but, I can understand why you didn’t.” He admits honestly, looking at his two younger students with sympathy. 

“We’re sorry,” Nya says softly. “It’s just… been a lot for us to process, and if you could keep it from the others, for now?” She swallows thickly, looking up at Wu. “Just until we can come to terms with it better.”

Wu smiles gently, taking one hand from each student in his own. “I will not tell them anything you do not want me to. But,” Jay and Nya give him a nervous look, “I do think it would be beneficial. They are your team, your family. They will understand.”

Jay and Nya share a look before returning their attention. “We know,” Jay replies, “and we will. Just… not yet?”

Wu gives them a nod of understanding. “Very well.”

“We want to tell them… I think?” Nya admits, “It’s just, well, a lot. And we’re only just starting to figure out how to cope.”

Wu takes a breath before giving the two a warm smile, eager to rid the weariness from his students. He knows what thousands of years of pain and strife can do to a person, he just never expected to see that same look on his two very young pupils. 

“Jay, Nya, if I may,” he says gently, teary-eyed and yet proud at the same time. “After all I have experienced in my years as a teacher, a friend, a student, a son… there has been one piece of wisdom that holds true no matter what position you find yourself in,” he places a tender hand on Jay’s shoulder, and unlike the first time Jay came to him with questions, the younger doesn’t flinch this time. “You are not what has happened to you, or what you have been through. You are who is still standing once it is all over.”

Jay smiles tightly, looking like he’s on the verge of tears, and Nya just looks surprised. 

“And I am very proud of you both for enduring such strife and pain all on your own, without the support of myself or your team. I cannot imagine the pain you two have suffered, but regardless, you endured. Now, that is very admirable.”

The two both beam brightly back at him. “W-Wow, Sensei, thank you,” Jay responds gratefully, wiping a few stray tears from his face as Nya does the same. 

“Yeah,” she agrees shortly after, “Thank you, Sensei.”

Wu nods his head in turn. 

Jay smiles before it drops slightly. “There is one more thing I wanted to ask? But, oh, shoot!” Jay’s eyes steal a glance at the clock on the wall. “We totally missed dinner, Sensei, I’m so sorry! The other thing can totally wait.” Now that he thinks about it, he vaguely remembers hearing Kai shouting distantly down the hall earlier. They’d been in here explaining things for almost two hours, now. 

“It is quite alright,” Wu smiles at his two students gently. “But I think it’s time you two head off. I believe you need to spend some time with your team.”

Jay huffs a laugh and Nya reciprocates with a smile. “Y-Yeah, Sensei. I think you’re right.”

The two leave Wu’s study with a bow and their thanks and a considerable amount of weight lifted off each other’s shoulders. Once Nya shuts the sliding door behind her, they both take an audible breath of relief, and Jay barrels forward into her arms so fast she barely has time to react, squeezing her so tight she lets out a surprised yelp before squeezing him back just as hard. 

“ Thank you, Nya,” he whimpers, tear-logged voice sounding desperate and thankful all at once. 

“Yeah,” Nya gently whispers back, smiling from where her face is buried in Jay’s neck. “You too, Jay.”

—

Jay and Nya enter the common room hand-in-hand after they leave Wu’s study, similar to the way they did that first night, and Jay clears his throat after a moment to get the other’s attention. Kai, Cole, and Zane, dressed in a variation of hoodies, t-shirts, and pajama pants sitting on the couch, turn their heads towards the two with looks of concern, and Jay sees Lloyd poke his head up from where he’s sitting on the floor. Jay shrinks in on himself under the attention, and he probably would’ve changed his mind about the whole thing if Nya hadn’t of squeezed his hand when she did. 

“Uh, hey guys,” he starts sheepishly. “Mind if we, uh, join you?”

The four faces melt with what can only be described as sheer relief, and Cole’s the first to respond. “Of course, buddy! You know you don’t hafta ask.”

Kai waves the two over, “Yeah, guys, c’mon. Plenty of room!”

Jay smiles, and the two make their way over. Cole scoots over on the couch, effectively squishing Zane more into the couch armrest, even though the latter doesn’t seem to mind, but then Cole hesitates, frowning. “Uh, we can pull out the other couch if you guys wanna—“

“Actually?” Jay cuts him off, “A Cole Hug would be great right about now, heh heh.”

Cole looks absolutely overjoyed, “Well, then what are you waiting for? I was starting to think you’d never ask.”

Nya takes the spot next to Kai, and Jay squeezes himself in between her and Cole, leaning into his best friend whilst keeping hold of Nya’s hand. 

He winces and waits for the shiver to run up his spine or the panic to set in at the touch, but…

It never comes. 

When he realizes after a moment the fear isn’t going to settle in, he brings his legs up to his chest and curls himself into Cole, who is more than happy to indulge Jay’s request. 

And finally, after just a short moment of being surrounded by the love of his friends, his brothers, his family…  

Jay feels the tears running down his cheeks before he even realizes he’s crying. 

For the first time, Jay doesn’t try to stop himself, he just allows the tears to fall. 

He cries about Nadakhan. 

The pirates. 

The adoption. 

The missing timeline.

The scars. 

Nya. 

The nightmares. 

The memories. 

These past three months. 

Just… everything. 

Not out of anger, desperation, pain, or sadness this time…

He’s just exhausted. 

No one asks about his tears, no one even draws their attention to the very loud scene Jay’s making, and maybe that’s because the way he’s been acting these past three months have taught them not to, but he feels Kai’s warm hand cup his shoulder from where he’s wrapping his arm around Nya, Lloyd’s head leaning on his legs, the kid’s soft hair a dream for his overstimulated body, and Zane’s soothingly cold hand resting on his knee across Cole’s lap. 

He finally falls asleep like that soon after, before the first episode of whatever sitcom the others picked on low volume in the background even finishes, and locked in the embrace of his family, taking a deep, relieving breath, squeezing Nya’s hand and leaning his head on Cole’s shoulder. 

For the first time in three months, Jay feels at peace, and he doesn’t have a nightmare. 

And if the others squeeze Jay just a little bit tighter, no one mentions it.