Chapter Text
The weather had not improved. The wind whipped fiercely causing the leaves to shake and moan on the sparse trees along the dusty road the two walked. They bent and they bowed, it seemed like much light the night that everything had happened it was going to storm again. Sizhui worried about this. His attention was on Jin Ling who was staring at the sky as though it had betrayed him. The sharp shape of his face, the set of his lips and the way his vermilion mark disappeared between creased brows as the boy was in thought. Now that Lan Sizhui had pulled him close to him, Jin Ling felt lost without the steady beat of his heart and the way that his arms had offered reassurance. This was not how he was supposed to be thinking about his best friend--was it ?
No it was not his brain provided. Lan Sizhui did not think of him in that way. How could he when he made a scene of being disgusted by Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian and made rude comments wherever he could. The joke seemed to be on him. His attention shifted briefly to the newcomer and again he had to bite down on his tongue not to be rude. At least if he was feeling bitter and unhappy he wasn’t thinking about the soft scent of lilies, and Balsam tree that clung to the older disciple. He needed to get a grip on the too loud pounding of his heart, the too apparent rush of blood in his body.
He could only thank his ancestors that SiZhui’s attention was elsewhere.
Tall, otherworldly, parchment white skin, and long inky hair met SiZhui's gaze. The bemused smile became warmer. "Brother Ning." he greeted. Remembering that his cousin did not wish to be called uncle. "Why are you in this area ?" he asked with a tilt of his head. "Were you not heading towards Tingshan ?" he asked politely he moved to Jin Ling, a warm hand along the other's shoulder and down his back to make sure he was okay. Sizhui, missed holding him the moment they had sprung apart. He would not embarrass Jin Ling though in front of Wen Nin understanding that some things such as affection and letting his guard down was very difficult with his companion.
He felt the younger relax into his touch and he half cast a glance over his shoulder and Wen Ning and gave a nod of his head. It was with some surprise that he discovered that he did not feel as bitter as he had a few years ago. In many ways Wen Ning was as much a victim of circumstances as his father had been--his heart ached and his lips twitched. He didn’t want to think about his parents but here he was doing just that. Then Lan Sizhui’s hand landed on his shoulder and Jin Ling could draw a breath in. “Wen Ning.” He greeted the fierce corpse the best that he could manage.
"O..Oh I was on my way to the city its my intent to go into the wilds for a few days to search for herbs." Wen Ning quickly answered with a smile to his cousin. "I won't disturb your trip ." he added looking between the two boys. He would have to have been blind not to see that something was going on that the two boys were out here with the intention of moving onward and Wen Ning thought that maybe it had something to do with the fact the young Sect Leader’s family was left buried in the coffin that held Nie Mingue as well. In reflection of things the young Jin had it rough. Perhaps this would give him closure as his own confrontation of his past had given him some. “Sect Leader Jin.” he greeted in return. Proper title so as to not set the young man off into a temper. Wen Ning walked on eggshells around the volatile boy but with good reason after all.
"Jin Ling." SiZhui whispered he did not want to send his family away but at the same time this was not about him. This was Sizhui being supportive for a still mourning Jin Ling, even if the other did not recognize that in himself. SiZhui's fingers toyed with the end of Jin Ling's ponytail where it caught him in the face when the wind whipped around them. Jin Ling tugged it free and Lan SiZhui flashed him an innocent smile. He knew contact would help. His contact any ways. "Is it alright ?" he asked since the other boy was mute in response. He had a feeling that Jin Ling was not pleased with the set of his mouth, the way he glanced balefully over Lan SiZhui's shoulder. It came to his realization that it was more out of habit, and Jin Ling just being Jin Ling that caused that rather than hatred. Jin Ling had managed to let go of much of that after he had nearly died at the hands of his uncle’s assassin wire.
"It's fine A-Yuan." he said briskly, shaking off the touch and pulling away from the other boy's concern. He was always so perceptive when Jin Ling was not feeling right about something of course this was no exception save for the fact that he would endure this because part of him feared that SiZhui might decide that he needed to help his uncle, and promise to meet up with Jin Ling later at an Inn. He was not angry at Wen Ning anymore, he had joined them on enough hunts to understand that he was as sorry for what happened as Wei Wuxian was. He had died and been brought back by Wei Wuxian for his older sister Wen Qing. It was not as though the Ghost General had escaped unscathed he would be forced to walk the world alone since acceptance was hard to find, and he would outlive everyone--well maybe not Lan SiZhui who was already rounding out to be one of the best cultivator's of their age. Even Lan Qiren had remarked on it and he liked very few people.
The look of relief and thanks on SiZhui's face made him uncomfortable as though he had given him something great, or special. When in truth he had only given an agreement to allow the Ghost General to travel with them. It still didn't connect that Wen Ning was related to the slender Lan. Though Jin Ling remembered when he had found out that Sizhui was a Wen. He had not commented on it and SiZhui had watched him hope in those beautiful eyes, seeking acceptance that at the time Jin Ling could not give. The two had parted with a very quiet Lan SiZhui and a promise to write to Jin Ling when he returned to Gusu. It had been two months before SiZhui could bring himself to write. It was the time Jin Ling thought with a panic that he had lost him. Had made the final stupid move that would cost him everything their friendship and the possiblity of something more. If Jin Ling could ever move past his own insecurities. Could ever own up to his own feelings, but he had so much going on it just seemed like another thing that he would potentially fail at and he didn’t dare think of SiZhui having to do all the work in their relationship.
"You are very kind, Jin Ru--" Wen Ning paused at the snap of the head upwards and the storm cloud that was darker than the clouds overhead. The first droplets of rain pattered to the ground, it was not heavy but it was persistent, and small puddles would soon form around them if they did not move. "I...I mean Jin Ling." that seemed to relax the high strung boy, who breezed past SiZhui and took the lead where he had been walking in step with him and SiZhui for a second looked stricken, but then lowered his head. Keeping pace though he knew his face was gloomy it was very rarely that the Lan head disciple lost his smile or kindness.
SiZhui allowed him to get ahead of him.
"Are you alright A-Yuan ?" the earnestness in Wen Ning's voice was real. His cousin's hand came to pat his arm. He wanted to say this was just Jin Ling. That Jin Ling had to brood and sort through himself to get to the right side of his own thoughts. When he swallowed them, they burned inside like lava until they spilled over, and again like lava there were unfortunate victims who did not deserve the result of the young man’s temper. Still Wen Ning was perceptive and he saw the way SiZhui’s face had fallen and he knew what that meant. He had seen Wei Wuxian mourn Lan Wangji even if the two had never been an item. Master Wei was sometimes clueless, he did not think A-Yuan was at all.. "You like him." Wen Ning said as though it had just come to him by studying Lan SiZhui and the response was immediate. SiZhui stumbled and looked up with alarm and shook his head vigorously sending the ribbon fluttering around him.
"You must not say that." his tone urgent as he caught his uncle's sleeve. "You must not say such a thing ever. Not where he might hear you." the younger man insisted as a violet gaze went to the stalking form of the Jin Sect Leader. "He can't hear that," he repeated. "I can not--he can not--we---" SiZhui knew he sounded a touched panic and Wen Ning looked on the normally together young man with concern. “He is not only Jin Ling, but he is a Sect Leader, I am a orphan child from a Sect that destroyed his life.” he whispered and tossed his gaze after Jin Ling who had not caught onto his alarm lost in his own thoughts, or at the very least attempting to locate a Inn or Tea House and for that Lan SiZhui was grateful for. “Uncle Ning, he will be expected to marry, to have children and continue his line. He already has so much adversary with his own rule…” he added, hesitant. “I would be a burden.”
Jin Ling continued to stalk and brood over his own emotions lost in thought he did not notice he wasn't hearing foot fall behind him.
"Why not. A-Yuan ?" he asked looking at the boy directly. He knew that SiZhui would not impose himself on any and he knew that SiZhui felt blessed for just living but the problem with that was he would never reach for what he wanted without the assurance it was alright for him to want it. Wei Wuxian had one told him he had to live for himself and find his place. His cousin needed that as well. "You like him." again it was a statement not a question and the Lan boy kept his head dipped and only the faintest nod of his head showed that he had even heard the question at all. The fire in his cheeks and along his neck confirmed it with no need for words.
"Ah. because.." he stated and glanced up under his bangs. "I am me." he said shortly. When the look of confusion crossed Wen Ning's face he continued. "I can not give Jin Ling a heir, he is not fond of those who are said to be cut sleeves, you see how he reacts to my fathers." he added softly. "I can walk by his side, I can hold him and protect him from everything the world has thrown at him and will throw at him, and somehow---" SiZhui said with tears in the corners of his eyes making the violet shade of his eyes liquid and giving the boy even more of an ethereal look a watery smile finding its way onto his face . "It will be enough because it has to be." he stated and his sleeve went to his eyes. "There is also that I am a Wen no matter how much Lan is within me, there is the fact I can not change my blood, or my birth---and.--'' the smile turned sad but warmed up "I would not want to. They took care of me, loved me gave up meager portions of food for me." he sighed "If I am to love alone---" he glanced back to Jin Ling's form and dipped his head again. "I will be fine--I promise. I have never needed great shows of affection, have never had the same desires as boys my age." he turned his attention upwards to his cousin . "I won't miss what I can't have." but was he fooling himself even as the words escaped him.
His cousin just gave a low curious sound; he did not say that he thought SiZhui was wrong. He could not meddle in this. There was barely acceptance of his being and he would not put a chasm between the Jin boy his cousin loved. It was hard to hear for Wen Ning, because all he wanted was for his family and loved ones to be happy. It seemed unfair to allow SiZhui to love so deep, and not be allowed to have the same thing most people took for granted. He was about to say as much but SiZhui was clearly finished with the conversation and had caught his robes and was dashing to catch up to the other boy. Wen Ning could only watch and sigh, he hoped this wasn’t going to go the way of Master Wei and his husband.
"A-Ling wait up." SiZhui called over the rumble of thunder.
Wen Ning lingered back trying to get a better read on the situation and on the boys. Since what was he if not perceptive?
Russet hair swirled around Jin Ling's head as he turned to catch SiZhui running to him and his heart skipped a beat. Had he been moving too fast had he left the others behind in his brooding. He did not want to think about it, instead he focused on the boy that caught up to him with the smile firmly back in place. "Why are you running ?" Jin Ling asked "I wasn't going to forget you." he added hands going to SiZhui's shoulders as he steadied him. The curve of lips in his direction made him feel warm and it was positively sinful how SiZhui looked at him from under his dark lashes. His hair had caught rain drops the way women had to work to get jewels to set against their hair. It was effortless for Lan disciple. Jin Ling knew this was not how he was supposed to be feeling about the other junior. That after tormenting Wei Wuxian as he had that now he was suffering. What he wouldn't pay to have those lips against his, to see if they were as soft as they looked, and to have the other's undivided attention. Jin Ling did not give to fantasy's often but the way the heaven illuminated SiZhui in that moment made him look like some god formed from jade and he almost slipped and said something about it, almost giving into the temptation. That if he could just press his lips to the soft fullness of Lan Sizhui’s mouth he would be reborn again and he would never ask for another thing in his life. Then the older man wet his lips with the tip of his tongue and Jin Ling lost all conscious thought outside a half broken "I want--" that was as far as he got before a crash of thunder drowned everything out. The soft droplets of rain became larger drops.
"What was that--I couldn't hear you." SiZhui's hands were at his ears and Wen Ning was soon at their side again. He now knew for a fact that the Jin youth absolutely was into his cousin. That SiZhui did not catch the sight because maybe he thought he was imagining it. No there was a spark there and the hands on each other was an eerie reflection of how he had managed to sneak up on them in the first place. They had been lost in their moment with each other.
Jin Ling let out a huff and lied "I want to find somewhere dry and get out of the weather." he called louder then he needed to. This storm is not going to get better, the sky is dark as far as my eyes can see.” that part wasn’t a lie. He had learned natural survival because he could not be trusted to not slip off and night hunt by himself. Jin Ling, was more at ease when he was by himself--that was a truth of the time before the juniors had come into his life.
As though to agree with his words there were loud thunderous booms that followed. The lightning was bright cloud to cloud. Wen Ning dropped his pack and unfurled an umbrella and opened it over himself and the two boy’s he towered over. To protect them from the weather, it wasn’t a bother to him. Not much could affect the powerful nature of his undead form. The two went shoulder to shoulder to stay under the umbrella at least that would be the excuse both would have given if asked.
They found a Tea House with a room to rent which Jin Ling did not hesitate to reserve immediately and he paid for their food and drink as well. The Silver Tea Cup he mused at the idea of paying in gold. “It seems like the weather just came up out of nowhere.” he commented to the Tea House Patron. Who looked startled for a moment but the flash of gold in Jin Ling’s palm suddenly reminded him he could share a little bit with his guest.
“Oh yes, Sect Leader.” he stated “It has been happening often at night time.” he stated “None of the cultivators who have passed through seemed to care, or be able to comprehend it.” he offered up. “In fact, I have heard.” he dropped his voice as though he would be punished if he was seen talking to the golden clad cultivator. “That there have been people going missing when the weather is bad like this, the local blacksmith lost his daughter two nights ago, the seamstress Qing lost her son four nights ago. People whispered they had run away together, but this humble man fears for the worst.” he stated.
Jin Ling had not meant to wind up in the middle of a Night Hunt when he was just out on a personal mission. Though if it found him. The man recognized him, it wasn’t hard to do so, his dress, his gold and his attitude no doubt preceded him. “Perhaps we will look into it.” he offered not sure how much he should promise since they had been led astray by locals wanting to be helpful before. The Patron bowed to him and promised to have the food sent to their table immediately. He thanked the man and turned and with quick strides returned to Lan SiZhui’s side who was alone at the table.
“Wen Ning ?” Jin Ling asked
“Went to help some farmers who’s wagon broke down in the bad weather.” Lan SiZhui answered though he was not smiling and the set of his lips tells Jin Ling there is something wrong. He doesn’t have to wait long for an answer to a question only his eyes have asked. “Are you really okay with Wen Ning coming with us ?” he inquired. “I did not want to hurt his feelings, he is my family, but at the same time, Rulan..” he sighed softly. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, this is your trip, I am but a companion.”
Emotions whirled inside Jin Ling and he wanted to say something. Say anything , for his lack of social graces to at least give him this. He shook his head “Your more than that, and...and Wen Ning can come along if he wants to.” said softly. “A-Yuan your more important to me then just being…” he began but was interrupted by heavy footfall, and Jin Ling wanted to explode wanted to yell at the man to go the fuck away. He didn’t because he had controlled that well he sat in his seat properly.
As bowls of noodles were served along with a sesame chicken dish, rice and soup. Jin Ling ordered a lot when he was out since he had a high metabolism and also because he wanted, he needed to treat SiZhui to prove to him that...well he wasn’t sure...that he would never want for anything while with him, that he would provide anything that the other wanted, that he didn’t even have to ask for it. Jin Ling would just give. “The soup is slightly spicy like you like.” he offered as he began to serve though it was a social no-no. Jin Ling couldn’t find himself caring in the least bit.
“Thank you.” Sizhui said as he caught his sleeve properly to pour the wine for Jin Ling he had ordered. Then served himself tea. It seemed like such a nice thing to do. Normal, to spend time with him. To be close. He could trick himself into thinking they were just a couple who were out doing what cultivators did.
“You don’t have to say thanks, I would do it for you without that.” Jin Ling said in a huff. His arms crossed over his chest. Not looking at SiZhui the stubborn set to his jaw said that SiZhui was so fond of and he had to hide his smile in his tea cup. When he set it back down he looked at Jin Ling pointedly.
“Eat.” he said tapping the table once.
“But SiZhui.” Jin Ling began. “I want to talk..” he pouted in that way that got him all the things he had wanted as a child. That made SiZhui want to lean over and kiss him, that made him feel like his affection for this boy was too big for his skin and bones. Like he would burst with it.
“No talking during meals, I heard what the patron said of the disappearances.” He thought that was what Jin Ling wanted to talk about so there was reassurance about the subject. They would look into it, because it was what they did.
“Not about that.” Jin Ling countered.
SiZhui said nothing and ate.
Jin Ling grumbled and settled to his food. “Fine...A-Yuan, but we're talking when we get to our room.” he hissed and stabbed into the chicken with his chop-sticks with a vengeance. He missed the affectionate look tossed his way when his head was lowered.
They both missed the way the locals looked in their direction like they were famished.