Chapter Text
Alta promised that she wouldn’t tell Ma or Pa about the baby, but I guess she must have anyway, because when she comes to visit a few weeks later, Ma is with her.
“She noticed the magazine was missing.” I hear Alta mutter to Lucian.
Ma crosses the hallway and puts her hands on the sides of my face. I’m a lot taller than her but I feel very small when she looks into my eyes with all the love I remember from… before.
“Emmett, darling… I’m so sorry.” She says wetly and brings my head down to her chest in a warm embrace. I let her.
It’s a bit awkward, of course. I had pretty much made my peace with never talking to either of them again, and I’m not sure how to feel about Ma’s apology. I glance at her, where she is sitting next to Alta on the bench in our kitchen, eating her second piece of spiced cake.
“Ah, Lucian, this is delightful! Who knew you’d be so good at baking.” She smiles at him. “I’m gonna have to send you some of my recipes.”
He’s a little suspicious too, I can tell, but still too polite to show it. He does straighten a little at the complement, though, and I hold back a snort.
Suddenly, the patter of little feet can be heard. Mabel woke up, I assume; she passed out on the settee after a particularly intense morning of chasing the goats.
I hear her gasp and run to Alta, making grabby hands at her.
“Auntie Tally!” She yells excitedly and plants a wet, open mouthed kiss on Alta’s cheeks as she picks her up. Suddenly, she notices Ma and freezes.
“Who?” She asks, leaning her head and looking between me and Lucian. She just learned that word a few days ago and has been running around sounding like an owl all week.
No one says anything, for a moment, until Ma smiles at her.
“I’m your grandma, dear.” She says.
Mabel looks very sceptical, which looks very funny on a child not even two years old. “What.” She demands flatly.
“You know how you have your daddy and your pa?” Alta says, turning Mabel to face her. She nods after a second. “Everyone else had parents, too. This is mine and your pa’s mother.”
“Oh.” Mabel says, not quite convinced. I suddenly realize that we forgot to explain the concept of parents and grandparents to her; it didn’t feel very relevant until, oh, about an hour ago.
“We can talk about it later tonight, Mabie.” Lucian says. “Come on, d’you want some cake?”
She nods excitedly and hops down from Alta’s lap and up into mine. I put my arms around her torso as Lucian picks up a piece of cake from his plate and lifts it up to her mouth. I feel Ma’s gaze on us.
“So, how long have you… had her?” She asks.
I wonder how much Alta told her.
“Since just after the turning.” Lucian says as he feeds Mabel another piece of cake.
Ma nods and hums.
“And, um… which one of you…?” It takes me a second to understand what she’s asking, and I see Lucian freeze out of the corner of my eye right as I do.
Alta is staring at the table in shock and the silence in the room is so thick you could cut it with a knife; even Mabel is quiet as she stares intently at the piece of cake on the fork, frozen too far away for her to eat.
“Neither of us.” I finally reply, a little more sharply than I meant to. “She was left in a basket on the porch.”
“Oh.” Ma says and flushes, finally understanding the awkwardness of her question.
There is silence again and it’s painful. I nudge Alta with my foot under the table and she jolts with an awkward laugh and starts blabbering about her wedding. Lucian and I “hmm” and “ah” and ask questions whenever appropriate. Ma is quiet, though, just looks at Mabel with a wistful look on her face.
The big clock in the parlor rings out and Alta stands up, relief evident on her face.
“This is all very nice, but it’s time for us to leave, isn’t it, ma?” She says hastily.
I hear the unspoken “or Pa will ask questions”; it hangs heavily over the room. I pass Mabie to Lucian and we see them off into their carriage.
“Well, that was awkward as fuck.” Alta mutters as she’s hugging me goodbye. Lucian is holding Mabel’s arm and making her wave at Ma, who’s already by the carriage. We wave them off and go back inside; it’s pretty much spring but the afternoons still get chilly.
“Do you think she’s gonna visit more times, now that she knows she’s not yours by blood?” Lucian asks me quietly with a bitter note in his voice. I shrug.
“I don’t know. I don’t really care.” It’s true. Besides, wherever Ma goes, Pa usually follows, and I don’t think I want to see him yet. Or maybe ever.
I put my arm around him and pull them close, sandwiching Mabie between us. I kiss her forehead and she squirms. We stay like that for a moment until she starts fussing.
I pull back and laugh as Lucian puts her down. It comes out a little wetter than I expected.
“Where does she get all that energy from?” I ask, ignoring his questioning look to watch Mabel sprint to the parlor to get her toys. He tugs on my arm and pulls me close again.
“We’ll be fine.” He says gently as he runs his hand across my back. “With or without them.”
I let myself hope it’s true.
LUCIAN
A few weeks after Emmett’s Ma visits, it's time for the spring fair. Emmett’s been working tirelessly at making notebooks and sketchpads to sell for the past month or so. They’re always a big hit with the children; he makes them so pretty, with paintings of butterflies and flowers and birds and with gilded edges and letters. I think it’s his way of contributing to trying to make books less forbidden, but selling made up stories is still a little too much for this small town. It’s a nice, warm day, and Mabie’s very excited. She’s looking at everything like it’s the first she sees it, which I guess it may very well be. A butterfly lands on her arm and she shrieks with joy, running up to me to show me and scaring it off.
The fair hasn’t quite started yet, but everyone who’s going to be selling something is here setting up their booths already. We’re finished setting up the booth just as everyone starts showing up. I stay with Emmett until the first customers show up, then leave with Mabel to look at what everyone else is selling. It’s better for the business; the only thing that attracts more customers than Emmett just standing there looking pretty is Emmett standing there looking pretty with Mabie strapped to his chest. all the ladies imagine him as a heartbroken widower and ooh and ah over her. She needs to get a little worn out first, though. She carefully looks at the items displayed in every booth and when she gets bored, she moves on to the next one. I absentmindedly rub some cloth between my fingers; she’s gonna need a new dress soon and Emmett could use a new shirt for the summer. They would look cute, matching. I buy a few yards of the fabric; a nice, pale, cornflower blue linen and hurry to catch up with Mabel a few booths down. I also buy some ribbons at another booth to use when I do Mabel’s hair; Alta promised to teach me to braid it.
Eventually Mabie tires herself out and we go back to Emmett’s booth. I sit in the chair beside him and Mabel falls asleep splayed out over my chest. We watch the people walking past; sometimes they recognize Emmett and smile at him, saying something about the good old days. Sometimes they even look at me with someone akin to recognition and I can almost hear them go “Oh, the Darnay brat? Is he still around?” inside their heads.
“Emmett?!” A shrill female voice cuts through the air. We both turn to look in the direction it’s coming from.
“Perannon?” Emmett manages finally as the figure comes closer to us.
Oh. It hits me then that I never actually saw her. I bite my cheek trying not to smile, and Emmett kicks me in the shin under the table. It does not help.
She looks… I don’t know. She has her blonde hair in an elaborate updo, and evidently put her best skirt on for the occasion, but the child she drags behind her is dirty. I almost have half a mind to start looking for ways it resembles my uncle but I stop myself; I don’t want to know.
“Oh, is this young lord Darnay?” She asks, looking at me, in an almost mocking voice. “Still hanging around this little town?”
I nod. “Pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard a lot... about you.” I don’t know how I manage to say that without laughing, but I try to make my smile look sweet instead of conspiring. “I apologize for not greeting you properly...” I add, gesturing to Mabel still fast asleep on me.
“Don’t worry about it.” She replies, casting curious glances between me and Emmett. A small silence ensues. “How’s your uncle, mister Darnay?”
I swallow down another urge to laugh. “Haven’t heard from him in a while, actually. I do hope he’s well. I sure wonder if he still has pesky poachers to take care of.” I say as innocently as I can.
She furrows her brows and looks at me weirdly before suddenly paling.
“Oh. Oh! Well, I really should get going. It was wonderful making your acquaintance. Emmett, you should come over for tea sometime!” She calls over her shoulder, hurrying away from us.
Emmett bursts out laughing as soon as she’s out of earshot.
“Shit, Darnay, have mercy.” He chortles out before hiding his head in his hands and laughing silently.
“You should come over for tea sometime, Emmett.” I parrot when he calms down. “The audacity! I’m right here.”
He grins at me and gives my thigh a quick squeeze; it’s the best we can do out here. I’m not sure how it’s possible that the villagers haven’t stoned us to death yet. Then again, Emmett makes sure to buy his supplies from the village first, only going to Castleford and the other towns if they don’t have what he needs. He’s single handedly redirecting money from the city to the countryside; he’s the reason they have all been prospering recently. I guess that makes people shut up. Besides, he’s still handsome, and everyone knows he’s capable, so women flock to him even if they know of, well, me.
When Mabel stirs we put her in the harness and attach her to Emmett’s chest. She’s getting a little big for it; a little heavy too, but Emmett doesn’t complain. He waves me off and I fuck off to look at more stalls, leaving him to exercise his flirting skills on starry-eyed ladies, completely unaware of the fact that they’re very much only buying his work, not a chance for a future with him.
I pass the Farmers, Alta walking behind them, arms linked with Henry. We exchange a deadly-serious nod, a glint of mirth shining in her eyes, and go on in opposite directions. Mr Farmer pretends I don’t exist, as usual when we happen to see him, and Mrs Farmer gets stuck somewhere between wanting to wave to me and being too scared of her husband to do so. Henry glances at me kindly; he’s a good chap, from what I’ve gathered. Just an honest, hard-working man from the neighboring village; not much more, not much less. He bought Alta her ruby ring and she looks happier than I’ve ever seen her.
I buy some more fabrics to sew clothes for Mabel out of, because why the hell not, and then get some food for us all. I also buy a bottle of flowery mead; it’s good to have around. Emmett eyes me suspiciously when he sees it, but I just shrug. I’ve got no taste for that sort of stuff anymore; a glass or two of dandelion wine once every few months is more than enough for me nowadays. I don’t have any demons to drown anymore. The sun is almost setting now, only the last latecomers dwindling through the rows of stalls. Mabel is starting to get bored, so we decide to leave a little early.
I sigh with relief once we walk through the door. We let Mabie sleep a little too long, so she’s running off her excess energy outside, barefoot. Her excited shrieks can be heard through the open door and golden sunlight is flooding the house. Emmett pulls me close and I lean back into him as he rests his chin on my head.
A few years ago, a couple half-conversations with people I barely know wouldn’t have even begun to scratch the itch I felt for human contact. Now, I’m gonna need several days before I want to talk to anyone other than Emmett again. We’ve really mellowed out with age, I realize suddenly. Not that we’re starting to get old; not quite yet. But we are both calmer and happier. Everything feels more secure. We don’t get each other as riled up anymore, which I sometimes miss a little; or rather, I miss what pissing Emmett off usually led to, back in the day. I definitely don’t miss the jealousy; I used to be so scared that Emmett would change his mind about me, realize what an asshole I had been, and run off with a girl his parents would have approved of. But he never did. He saw right through me; he always did. He realized it was a defense mechanism way before I did, and forgave me every time I got pissed at him for looking at a girl too long, when he had just been thinking about how hideous her dress was. We had to learn not to step on each other's toes quickly, or we would have strangled each other during those months before we came to the bindery. I still can’t quite look back at that time fondly.
Now, though, now everything is good. There’s still a little bit of fear in the back of my head, half a thought always making me unwilling to lose sight of Emmett and Mabel. I think it would kill me if something happened to either of them because of me. I’ve been happier in these past few months since Mabel came to us than I ever dared to be before, I think. I feel like a different person and I can’t help but feel sorry for myself all those years ago on Lord Latworthy’s lawn, thinking I could never be as happy as I was during that summer again.
Emmett’s been rubbing little circles into my hip with his thumb. It’s nice and reminds me that it’s been a while since we did anything more than cuddle before going to sleep. I would obviously never do anything like that with Mabel in the room, so we’ve been having to do our best in between her naps. It reminds me a bit of hiding around the ruins with him, sneaking touches and kisses everytime we were alone. I push my hips back into his and his embrace tightens around me. I turn around and give him a kiss, and of course that’s exactly when Mabie runs in from the outside, leaving muddy footprints everywhere. Emmett smiles and sweeps her up, making her scream with laughter. He waves her around for a bit and when he straightens her up again, she plants a big, wet kiss on his face.
My cheeks hurt from smiling and I feel all warm inside. This has to be about as good as it gets, I think.