Chapter Text
As much as he felt it necessary, being away from his pack felt terrible.
The motel he was staying in was cheap, but clean, so he couldn't really complain much. The manager knew him from years back and she reassured him he could stay however long he needed to, so there he remained.
He stared up at the ceiling fan as it spun around, needlessly fanning air in his face. The calm in the room made him want to rip his hair out.
He wanted those stupid brats to barge in and ask him ridiculous questions about fighting, or their stupid crushes, or what pheromones meant what, or their stupid math homework that he couldn't help them out with no matter how much they asked. He wanted Petra to stroke his hair again, he wanted Hanji to bother him and incessantly ask him for more vials of Ackerman blood to test, and he wanted Mike and Nanaba's comforting presence.
Above all, he wanted Erwin.
He wanted him so badly it made him angry, it made him so incredibly frustrated that he's had to stop himself from punching a hole in the wall on more than one occasion. Levi felt the anger bubbling under his skin, the way it made him want to rip it off.
It had been two weeks since he had left and nothing felt right. Be it his annoying omegan instincts, but he wanted his pack. He wanted to look after his stupid kids. Nearly all of them lacked parents, so as much as he hated it, he was a stand in for them. It didn't feel quite right, but they were his to look after. And he left them.
Levi slammed the door to the room when he left, gritting his teeth. He needed to just do something.
To make it fair for him staying there, he had been cleaning some of the rooms in the motel, but eventually he got bored of that. He liked cleaning, sure, but he could only take making a bed a few dozen times before he started looking to do something else for cash. That's how he ended up moving boxes around a warehouse that Yan, someone else he knew years ago, now owned. It was bizarre to see him owning such a big business, especially after everything he did for their former pack, but he took it at face value. Yan didn't ask him any questions and he didn't offer anything, but it couldn't stay like that for long.
"Is there a reason why Farlan won't show his face?" Yan joked, swiping through the papers he had on his clipboard. "You think he'd wanna at least say hi, y'know."
Levi put down the tower of boxes he held before standing up, his jaw set. He knew this would come up at some point, but he was foolish enough not to just come outright and say it without prompting. He looked at Yan, eyebrows furrowed, and he witnessed the way his face fell.
"He wanted to say goodbye to you," Levi said. He looked away, unable to see the grief there. That was the last thing he needed. "But he knew you'd try to do something crazy, like try to find a cure or some shit. You wanted to be a doctor back then."
Yan nodded his head.
"Yeah," he sighed, moving to pick up the boxes again. "He was a snarky little shit to the end, don't worry."
"I'm sorry, Levi-,"
"It's fine. We were in good hands." He leaves it at that, and when he makes it back to the motel he's so exhausted he sleeps through the alarms he sets in the morning.
The next day, he does the same thing. He cleans a few rooms and then does some work in the warehouse. He's not sure how many days he can waste away like this, but he's too stubborn to go back now. They probably hate him for leaving, anyway. They're probably getting over him, and hopefully getting on with their lives. Mike can train the kids, and Petra and Hanji will be just fine. And Erwin... Levi forces himself to go on a run to avoid thinking about the alpha. It's too much to think about him, to think about the way he labeled their time together as unfortunate.
He's relieved that he somehow managed to make it to a motel that's far enough away from the packlands that he can't just randomly walk there, because three weeks in and he feels nauseous from being away. His skin is itchy and he feels wrong, but he knows it's just because he hasn't scented anyone in so long. He dreads the idea of having a heat away from them, away from Erwin taking care of him, and he's at least hoping it doesn't come for a few months.
Maybe it wasn't worth it. Maybe he should've just stayed and dealt with the hurt of seeing Erwin everyday, but he can't think like that, because he's already gone. He can't just regret what he's done and go back, no one will accept him. Farlan trusted that pack, it was the only place he had left with him, and he abandoned it.
His phone is something he hasn't bothered looking at in weeks. He uses it basically just to wake him up in the morning, but the hundreds of notifications shows him that the pack has been trying to find him basically the entire time. He long since made it so he couldn't see what they sent him, because at this point it would only take one "please, come home," from Hanji or Petra and he would be there in a heartbeat.
For three weeks he's refrained from reading the texts they've sent him, but he can't help it anymore. There's countless messages from his pack of kids begging him to come back, and every one of them cuts him to his core. Hanji, Petra, Mike, and Nanaba have sent him so many messages he can't even look at all of them, and there's plenty of other pack members who have tried to contact him as well.
Finally, he looks at Erwin's contact. He's sent the most out of everyone, surprisingly, and he still continues to call Levi's number even after everyone else has given up calling, and Levi doesn't want to listen to the voicemails. He really doesn't. But then he reads the last message that Erwin left him, and he can't help it.
Erwin 9:26pm
I hope you're alright. It's you, so I know you are, but still. Whenever you're ready to come home, I bought more of those fancy black tea leaves you like.
Levi grits his teeth while he presses the button to listen to one of the voicemails, and he's assuming the ones from the beginning of his time away were automatically deleted, because this is from just a week ago.
"Levi? Hey, sorry. It seems like you don't wish to hear from any of us, and I think I know now that that's my own doing... um, anyways. Sorry, that I keep calling you," there's a deep breathe, and then a few crackles like Erwin's readjusting the phone before he speaks again. "I'm sorry, it's just. This is the only way I can hear your voice, even if it's just your ridiculous 'it's Levi, just text me if I'm not answering,'" he chuckles after imitating Levi's voice and that has the actual Levi curling his lip in distaste, but he also feels a pang in his chest. He misses Erwin so desperately even just a stupid voicemail has him nearly choking on a sob. "I'll be honest, I don't know if I'll be able to stop calling you. But... I hope I can see you again, Levi. We miss you terribly." A moment of hesitation, and then he speaks again. "I miss you terribly."
When the line cuts off and it asks him if he wants to delete or save the message, he saves it. He doesn't have time to even think of why he would before another message is playing.
"Do you remember that time, during your last birthday, that the kids made you a gingerbread house?" Erwin laughs and Levi can't help himself from chuckling, because yeah, he does remember. "You told them that you hated gingerbread, and then they got incredibly upset, and you felt so bad that you offered to take them out to get ice cream on your own birthday?" Levi tsks at himself because he really did do that, but it was only because they made it look like he had kicked them each in the balls. He had no idea what to do, so he panicked and took them out. They ended up having a great time, at least. "You're so kind, Levi. I wish-,"
The voice message cuts off before Erwin can say anything else, presumably because he ran out of time, and Levi eagerly waits for the next voice message. Unfortunately, it's not a continuation of the last one.
"We're not mad at you, Levi." Something doesn't seem right in Erwin's voice, and if Levi didn't know any better he would say the man was about to cry. But he didn't know better, really. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. "You," he hesitates, like it physically hurts him to keep speaking, but he doesn't stop. "You mean so much to us. No, to me. You mean so much to me."
The line cuts out, but there's a shaky breath before it ends and Levi has to steady himself on the dresser nearby so he doesn't fall over.
It's so much. It's all so much. The messages are cutting him to his core and he hasn't even read all of the ones he's received by text, but something about Erwin's strained voice has him breathless. He wants nothing more than to scent him, or, fuck, hug him. He wants to be swept up in the alpha's embrace so much it has him feeling nauseous.
Before he can queue up the next message, his phone alerts him that he has a phone call. The terrifying realization that Erwin is the one calling him isn't enough to make him reject the call, and in some strange twist his thumb hits the accept call button before he can stop himself.
"Levi!?" Erwin's voice rings out, desperation evident in the way he almost yells out his name in surprise. "Levi, holy shit, are you okay? You answered me- you, you actually answered me."
Levi holds the phone to his ear with both hands like it's something precious, but he doesn't say anything. His breathing is a little erratic and he's sure Erwin can hear that on the other line.
"I'm so glad you're okay, I-," he stops, the phone cracking a few times like he's adjusting it. "I don't know what I thought. I missed you so much, I didn't know if you were going to ever come back," he's speaking like someone on the verge of tears and Levi isn't sure what to do, but he can hear the way Erwin's voice cracks at the end of his words. "You're coming back, right?"
There's a lump in his throat that he doesn't even have the heart to swallow down, and the silence that stretches between them has his heart beating at a pace he thinks he might have a heartattack if he doesn't calm down soon. The guilt of leaving is catching up to him all at once but still, he can't say anything. He has no idea what to say. As much as he's desperate and wants the call to end, he hasn't felt so comforted in weeks, all from just hearing Erwin's voice. That selfish fact has him keeping the call going, even as Erwin asks him again and again if he's going to come home.
"What did I do wrong? Please, Levi, it's been eating me alive." Levi grits his teeth, his guilt sinking further into his chest. All he has to do to hold strong is think of Erwin calling their time together unfortunate and he's back to swearing himself to silence. "It, it was our last conversation, right?" Erwin's quiet for a moment, like he's waiting for Levi to answer, but then he keeps going when he doesn't. "I was so scared that you were upset over helping me with my rut, I started panicking, I don't- Levi, I'm sorry."
Levi finally swallows down the lump in his throat but Erwin keeps talking, like he only now started to comprehend what took place.
"You were asking me how I felt about things. The things I said." Erwin hesitates, a strangled noise coming from him like someone just socked him in the stomach. "Levi-, I called it an unfortunate event, right? I. Fuck. I'm so-." There's another prolonged instance of cracking like Erwin's almost dropped his phone, but he recovers. "I was so afraid that you were upset that I wanted you to feel like there was no pressure, I didn't want you to think that I was forcing it to be something bigger, even if-"
Levi swallows again, but he finally, finally finds his voice.
"If?"
Erwin makes another noise, almost like a gasp, like Levi's voice in an of itself has him all but bursting at the seems. "Even if I wanted it to be more."
At that, Levi can't handle anymore. He's shocked into silence again and before Erwin can call his name time and time again, he's frantically pressing the end call button. This isn't supposed to happen. He's not supposed to read their messages, or answer Erwin's calls, or have him admit to things weeks after he's already committed to leaving. It's so much all at once he feels tears prick at the corners of his eyes but he stubbornly blinks them away, because god forbid he cries over something like this.
Erwin's words ring in his head mercilessly that night when he tries to sleep, and he can't help but think about what could've been if he just asked.
I wanted it to be more.
He lied before. He lied, covered it up, and feigned nonchalance, all because he didn't want Levi to feel pressured into anything. The same he had when it came to his rut. Levi should've seen it, he should've known. For being the person that knew Erwin best, he felt incredibly stupid. Why couldn't they just talk to each other?
It seemed so easy to talk to Erwin before this mess. He wanted things back to normal, but he also... didn't. He wanted to pull him close and kiss him and feel his heartbeat at night, when they could hold each other close with no worries of what would happen next.
Farlan had told him he could be stupid, and wreckless, and impulsive. And a lot of things. He hadn't thought about that in a while, but his words rang so true that it hurt. He was the one to teach him how to trust, and yet he threw that lesson away the second he felt insecure, all because he was too stubborn to tell an alpha how he felt.
"Fuck," he curses, angrily shoving everything back into his dufflebag. "This is so fucking stupid."
That sentiment still rings true as he stands at the edge of the packlands. He's hesitating, he knows, but he can't force himself to move. It's ten o'clock at night at this point, nearly making it pitch black save for the few light posts they have set up, and there's storm clouds brewing above. It's not ideal, but he can't really complain about ideal. Nothing about his life is ideal right now.
He passes the small cluster of cars that they keep for the pack in case of an emergency and just before he can change his mind and turn right back around, he sees him.
Erwin's standing there, mid stride with keys in hand, and his eyes are so wide Levi's afraid they might pop out. He makes a choked off noise that sounds vaguely like "Levi," and Levi steels himself for what's to come.
He drops his dufflebag to the ground, grimacing at the dirt that's inevitably going to get on it. He can't focuse on that right now. Instead, Levi rubs at his neck, just over his scent glands. He smells nervous and he knows it, but he can't stop it now.
"I'm sorry," he starts. "For leaving like that."
Erwin steps closer, carefully, like he's afraid Levi's going to turn around and bolt if he's not gentle enough. "No, no, Levi-"
"Shut. Up."
Erwin's mouth snaps shut.
"Just... let me speak." Levi sighs, exhausted, and he hears thunder rumbling in the distance. "I don't know when things changed between us, from when I wanted to kill you to now, but it did." He chews on his bottom lip before continuing, and the alpha remains silent the entire time. "I don't know if it's because I'm a stupid omega, or if it's because I respect you so fucking much, or it's because you're stupid sense of humor makes me laugh and I know it shouldn't but it still does, but I can't stay away from you."
He thinks he's glaring but he can't control it, so he just muscles on and hopes Erwin is listening this time. "I want... I want to be around you. And you-," he growls, the vibration in his chest surprising even to himself. He can see from the way Erwin looks him over he's not alone. "You stupid alpha- fuck! I could ignore how I felt, I really could. But then you went and had a life threatening rut and I-!"
Levi feels his face screw up in a grimace and Erwin steps closer again, his hands outstretched like he wants to touch, but he's still frustratingly too far away.
"I thought I was going to lose you, you dick. I can't lose you, not after everything." He grinds his teeth together as rain starts to fall on his face, cold and shocking. It keeps him talking. "So I helped you, of course. I wanted to. I wanted to so badly I was tricking myself into thinking you wanted it too, but I had no idea how you really felt."
"Levi, I never meant to put you in that position." Erwin looks like he's in pain and his scent reflects that, souring at the hurt in Levi's voice.
"I know!" Levi shouts, he can't help it, and more rain seems to pour down. It's not heavy enough that he can't see but it's starting to drip down his eyelashes and he's so angry he just wipes it away with the back of his hand before continuing, stepping closer to Erwin so he can hear him. "And then you confused me so fucking much, you said you meant what you said, but you also didn't, and then-!"
"And then I called it unfortunate." Erwin finishes, and all Levi can do is nod.
"But you didn't even mean that." Levi goes on, his heart pounding. Erwin's so close now, only a few feet away, and his inner omega is clawing at him to just touch him already. Before Erwin can speak, he's already barreling on. "I don't fucking know when I started loving you," he laughs mirthlessly, almost like it's bitter to say.
Erwin lets out a shaky breath, but he lets Levi continue.
"But I do, okay? You fucking, stupid asshole. I've loved you for so long and-,"
He can't speak because Erwin crashes their mouths together and wraps his arms around Levi's waist, squeezing tight. Levi doesn't even care, he just holds onto the alpha's neck and kisses back, their lips sliding together from the rain. Levi feels his hair slicked to his forehead and his clothes soaked but he doesn't care, he just doesn't care.
"Levi," Erwin breathes, pulling away just enough to speak, his lips brushing against Levi's. "I was so scared of losing you, I thought that muting my feelings would keep me from hurting you." He laughs at that, bitter as well. "I was incorrect in that assumption, I can see that now."
"Yeah, just a little."
Erwin laughs, but this time it's real. He slots their mouths together again like he can't get enough, but after a moment he puts his head in the junction between Levi's neck and shoulder and inhales, even if Levi's scent is muted from the rain.
"I thought you left for good," he says, and Levi's chest pangs. "I thought that I would never see you again, and... it broke me, Levi."
"I heard your voicemails," Levi admits.
Erwin chuckles. "Those are quite embarrassing, but you have to forgive me. I was trying to persuade the man I loved to come back, okay?"
Levi blinks. Erwin pulls back to look at his face and he swipes a thumb over his cheek, wiping away some of the rain. It doesn't do much in the downpour covering the two of them.
"We're so fucking stupid," he curses.
Erwin just laughs and kisses him again, and again, and again until Levi is cussing him out about how they're both going to catch a cold if they stay out in the rain for too long. Nevermind his poor bag of clothes that are undoubtedly soaked. Erwin concedes only because Levi threatens not to kiss him unless they go inside and out of the rain.
Levi knows, logically, they should probably talk about things more in depth, but he abandons that idea once Erwin shuffles the two of them in a warm shower and then treats him to tea. It's his favorite, of course, and he concedes that maybe running away wasn't that good of a plan.
Well, he won't admit it out loud.
It takes him a few minutes until he realizes that Erwin's staring at him, and after he does all he can do is stare back, caught off guard by the expression on his face. He's smiling, just barely, and for once he doesn't shy away when Levi catches him in the act. Levi feels his face heat up and he hates it, he absolutely despises it, so instead of dealing with it anymore he grabs Erwin by the front of his shirt and yanks him to a standing position, the alpha complying easily even if he's a little surprised.
"Did I offend you, Levi?" He asks and Levi can practically hear his grin. It pisses him off more. "Am I not allowed to look? I missed your beatifu-"
Levi's already pulling the man to his room, knowing full well the best path to take. "Shut up."
"What was that?"
"I hate you."
Levi can't get Erwin to the bed fast enough, at least that's what it seems like the alpha thinks, because he's pressed up against the wall of the hallway leading up to it before they make it inside. Erwin's on his neck in an instant, licking, biting, and marking his way down the column of the omega's throat like a starving man.
"Fuck," is all he can get out, and Erwin chuckles against his skin.
"You wouldn't belive how many times I've dreamed of tasting you again," Erwin murmurs into him, his hands sliding up under his shirt to tweak at his nipples.
Levi grits his teeth in response, his body reacting so fast he can hardly stand it. He can feel himself already preparing to release slick and his hands are trembling on Erwin's shoulders, if only with how badly he wants to feel the alpha again. "That's incredibly creepy, Smith."
"Maybe," he concedes, lifting Levi's shirt above his head and tossing it away. "But I couldn't stop myself. I pride myself on my self control, and yet I have practically none when it comes to you."
"That's pathetic," Levi grits out, but it's breathy and edging on a moan. He's pathetic, honestly, but the way Erwin's sucking on his scent gland feels so good he can't find himself to actually care.
It would be more convenient to fuck on the bed, but convenience and pure instinct are not one in the same, and somehow Erwin manages to shed both of them of their clothes even while they're tangled together.
It's so much, but not enough. His hands are shaking from how much he wants to feel Erwin again, to feel his alpha claim him, and he whines when he feels the man pull away and grab his hands from where they're tangled in his blonde hair.
"Is this okay?" Erwin asks, like he isn't fully nude already. His cheeks are flushed and his lips are kiss swollen and Levi can feel his heart beating out of his chest; he's so, so beautiful and it's so frustrating having to just look at him.
"It's fine, now shut the fuck up and mate me, /alpha/." Levi practically purrs the last bit and it has Erwin growling, and the next moment Levi's being hoisted up into Erwin's arms and the alpha presses his cock to his hole.
The blunt head of his cock pressing against him has Levi shivering, and he's glad that being an omega means he doesn't really have to prep himself with all the slick that's rushing out of him. When the alpha finally pushes into him, slipping all the way in and stretching him just right, he bites onto Levi's scent gland and Levi relishes the feeling of yet another mating mark. He nearly comes then and there, but he doesn't because he's too stubborn to let that happen, and instead wraps his legs around Erwin's torso.
The alpha is warm against him, his breaths hot, skin hot, and his cock is warming him from the inside out, and it's all Levi can do not to think about the way he had lacked that warmth for so long. It's disgusting, but he never wants to let that heat go. Later, he'll chide himself for such sentimental thoughts, but for now, he enjoys just being back in Erwin's arms.