Chapter Text
Eric and I do not exchange a single word on the entire drive back to Dauntless.
He is angry with me and I am pissed at him and I have a whole lot to process anyway after what Caleb has told me earlier.
I cannot wrap my head around a single line of thought, though. My emotions are all over the place, everything is just a bit too much at the moment.
Why can’t there be just one normal day? Just one. Where I get up, go to work, eat lunch with my friends, and go to bed without any extra worries on my mind.
It could be so simple.
Instead, I have to worry about sleeping with my superior and about my brother sabotaging the government to keep people like me from being murdered simply for existing.
When we arrive at the compound, Eric still doesn’t even look at me.
"I’ll tell Max we’re back," he says as soon as the driver is out of earshot. "Go to your apartment and wait for me there."
And then he disappears through the door of the car park. For a moment, I seriously consider not going home but to instead hide away at one of my friends’ places. I quickly dismiss the idea, though. Eric would just come find me and be even more pissed. Better to get this over with as soon as possible.
I sigh and start walking home.
Arriving at my destination, I decide to take a quick shower. Eric can wait if he is back before I am finished.
I take my sweet time drying my hair and getting changed, avoiding the inevitable for as long as possible.
When I get back into the living room Eric is already sitting at the kitchen table, impatiently drumming his fingers against the surface. The moment our eyes meet he gets up, the chair screeching across the floor.
"What the hell was that back at Erudite?" He wants to know, clearly still angry, his gaze hard. "Do you have any idea what you‘ve done? What position you‘ve put yourself in?"
I swallow. The images in my head are still fresh and I have a really hard time keeping a cool head. However, it is more important than ever to control what comes out of my mouth next.
"I‘m sorry, Eric," I slowly begin, trying to compose myself. "It must have overwhelmed me. I saw a lot of death the last couple of months and with Lynn dying right in front of me - I guess it just triggered-"
"She was a Divergent," Eric interrupts me, stepping out from behind the table; I remain frozen in the doorway. "Her death should not have fazed you at all."
"She was a girl!"
The words are out before I can help it and Eric stops in his tracks. He breaks eye contact, crossing his arms in front of his chest, and stares out the window of my kitchen.
Seconds go by, my heart pounding hard and fast against my ribcage as I nervously wait for him to react to my outburst. Have I said too much? Have I put myself in even more danger now?
When he faces me again, his jaw is clenched.
"Janine asked me if you‘re a sympathizer," he says softly.
My heartbeat speeds up even more, making me slightly dizzy.
"So what?" I shrug my shoulders, feigning indifference.
Eric‘s eyes begin to sparkle with fury. "God, Stiff, open your damn eyes! In the foreseebale future, Janine will have more say than the rest of the factions, she will become the leader and if she thinks for only a second that you could be a sympathizer of Divergents, she will have you killed. And she will probably have me do it."
"And would you?" I ask him calmly, my voice only slightly breaking, as I cross my arms in front of my chest now as well. "Would you kill me if she asked you to?"
There is a long silence during which I can almost see the wheels turning in Eric‘s head. I‘m starting to sweat. This is it, this could be the moment where Eric shows me how much I really mean to him. How much I can trust him when it comes to Janine and her plans.
"I‘m a soldier," he finally answers. "And a soldier follows orders."
My heart shatters into a million sharp pieces that pierce my very soul. It hurts, it really does.
"Alright," I reply, uncrossing my arms and walking toward my apartment door, opening it. "Then please, for once, follow my orders and get the fuck out."
He snorts, shaking his head in amusement. "Calm down, I was just trying to warn you. I had your back, I told her there was nothing to worry about, that you‘ve just been through a lot lately."
"Good. Now get out."
"I‘m still your superior, trainee, watch how you talk to me."
"Fine, please get out, Sir."
And suddenly the atmosphere in the room changes.
Before I can even blink, Eric is in front of me, banging the door closed before slamming me face first against it, causing me to shreak in surprise.
His body is hot against my back, his hard cock pressing up against my ass.
"Do you have any idea what that stupid word does to me?" His breath ghosts across my ear and I can feel goosebumps erupting across my entire body, my nipples hardening.
I am about to ask him which word he means when it suddenly clicks. The way his eyes darken every time I call him Sir.
I swallow.
"Why don‘t you show me, Sir?"
He groans into my ear, his hands taking hold of my waist as he rubs himself against me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, enjoying the way he feels against me.
Suddenly his hand is in my hair and he spins me around before pressing me back against the door. His lips are on mine before I can catch my breath.
His free hand grabs hold of my thigh and brings it around his hips, opening me up to him. He begins to grind against me and I cannot help but moan, moving my hips in rythm with his.
His lips leave my mouth and start to travel down my throat, causing me to almost shake with desire.
I bring my hands up and start on the buttons of his uniform jacket.
Again, the atmosphere changes. He finds my lips again in a bruising kiss and then we are both tearing at each other‘s clothes, ripping them off until we are both naked, and then I am suddenly spun around the room and before I can comprehend what is happening, I am being bent over my kitchen table, my hands grabbing the edge of the table while I am being pressed against the hard surface.
Eric slaps my ass and I groan.
I should probably be embarrassed by the way my ass is up in the air, giving him the perfect view of everything, but it just feels so exciting. All I can think about is having him back inside me again.
"I‘ve dreamed about fucking you like this," Eric bends down and murmurs into my ear. "Will you let me?"
"Yes," I gasp, holding onto the table for dear life, my head spinning.
"Yes what?" He growls, grabbing my hair and pulling my head slightly backwards.
I know instantly what he wants to hear.
"Yes, Sir," I answer. I hesitate for only a second before I add with a shaky voice: "Please fuck me like this, Sir."
"Holy shit, Stiff," Eric groans and a moment later I can feel the tip of his cock at my opening.
My heart rate spikes again and I press myself against him.
With one rough stroke Eric is inside of me and we both groan loudly.
It is neither romantic nor gentle when Eric‘s hands grab my ass and he starts pounding.
It is hard and fast and one of the best things I have ever felt in my entire life.
The rough tabletop rubbing against my hardened nipples, the angle at which Eric keeps driving into me, the groans he lets slip - I am at the edge of an orgasm in barely any time at all.
"Please," I beg breathlessly. "I‘m so close."
Eric stops moving, causing a needy sounding whine to slip through my lips.
"You‘re not gonna come until I give you permission, got it?" He breathes into my ear and I let out a desperate sob because there is no way in hell I am not going to come any second now.
"Uh uh," Eric slaps my ass again, harder this time, almost causing me to faint at the amount of pleasure it sends straight toward my clit. "Be a good girl and follow my orders."
I should have known that this would turn into a power play. But damn, this is hot.
"Tell me," he says, his voice much deeper than before. "Tell me you‘ll do as I say, baby girl."
"Yes, Sir," I breathe, moving back against him, needing him to fucking move. "Please, keep going, please."
And he does. He picks up a brutal rythm that almost has me screaming. I drop my forehead onto the cool surface of the table and close my eyes, focusing on that delicious build-up deep inside of me.
And when Eric sneaks his hand between my legs and touches my clit I barely hear him say "Come for me, baby" before I see stars and explode with a loud cry.
I slump down onto the table, completely exhausted, my entire body shaking, Eric the only thing that is keeping me from sliding down onto the floor.
He thrusts into me two more times before he lets out a guttural groan and comes inside of me.
It takes me several moments afterward to realize that he has slipped out of my body and is collecting our clothes.
With still shaking limbs I get off the table and turn around and almost get hit in the face as my sweater comes flying my way.
"So that‘s it then?" I huff, arms crossed in front of my chest, after we are both dressed again and Eric is moving toward the door of my apartment. "You‘re running away again?"
"I‘m not running away," Eric snorts.
"Yes, you are."
"Okay, fine!" He almost shouts and I blink in surprise at his admission. "I am, happy now?"
"Just tell me why?"
Eric shakes his head and for a moment I think he will not give me an answer before he finally sighs and looks at me with the most vulnerable expression I have ever seen on him.
"Because I don‘t know what to do here, okay? I fuck ‘em and leave ‘em, Stiff." - I suppress the urge to roll my eyes – "I don‘t do … feelings. Never have and never thought I ever would. And it‘s fucking scary. Caring about someone - it means you can lose them. And losing you would destroy me."
My heart skips a beat.
"You won‘t lose me," I say softly.
Another snort. "No, why would I? It‘s not like you‘re almost getting killed on a daily basis and practically live in the infirmary ever since joining Dauntless."
"You almost died, too!" I exclaim, throwing my hands up in the air in an exasperated gesture. "But you don’t see me running away? Because that would make me a coward. And I‘m not - I‘m Dauntless."
And despite how contradicting my actions are, I turn around and walk out of my apartment.
Though, technically, I am not running away. I was planning on seeing my friends after being back anyway, since I need to tell them about what happened at Erudite. And our conversation was indeed finished, was it not? There was nothing left to say.
"Tris!" Christina greets me with a smile upon opening the door. "Everything alright? We heard you and Eric had to go to Erudite?"
"Yeah," I nod. "Can I come in? We need to talk."
Her expression changes instantly from happy to worried.
"Of course," she answers, stepping aside so I can enter. "Make yourself comfortable, I‘ll call the others."
And within just a couple of minutes, they all arrive.
Except Lynn, of course.
A moment of silence follows as we all gather on the sofas. It has been barely 24 hours since the funeral and it is the first time that we have all met up since her death. It is so painfully obvious that she is missing, that there is a void between us that is never going to be filled again; I have a hard time breathing. My heart aches, like someone has closed their fist around it and is now trying to rip it out of my chest.
Looking at my friends, I can see that they are feeling the same. I wonder if it will ever stop hurting. If one day we will move on, get used to her no longer being with us - like she never even existed in the first place.
Probably not. I guess it is impossible to forget her. And that is a good thing, despite the hurt.
"So," Four finally clears his throat, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "What‘s going on?"
I swallow, trying to get myself together, before I tell them about Erudite.
"Wow," Uriah exclaims, stunned, when I am finished with my report.
"This is sick," Marlene shakes her head in disgust.
"Your brother," Will speaks up. "Can he be trusted?"
"Apparently, if he makes sure the serum keeps causing people to die," I reply bitterly and then blink, surprised at how upset I am about what my brother is doing.
"He‘s doing it for you," Four points out and that is when I realize that I am not just upset, no, I feel guilty. These people have to die because my brother is protecting me. Because they do not have a brother who is looking out for them.
"I can practically hear your thoughts, Tris," Uriah sighs. "It‘s not your fault."
"I know," I reply. "It just feels like it."
"So how did Eric take your little outburst at Erudite?" Christina asks with a pointed look, so obviously trying to change the subject to something she thinks is less heavy.
I have to bite my lip hard in order not to flinch. Another subject I am so not ready to talk about.
"Uh," I begin slowly. "He kept telling me that I looked like a sympathizer and that Janine would have me killed if she believed me to be one and so on."
"Damn, how did you get out of that one?" Zeke grimaces and I freeze.
I open my mouth to come up with a reply but my mind is absolutely blank. What am I supposed to tell them? By letting him bend me over and fuck me into oblivion? Yeah, that would go over well.
"Oh my god!" Christina squeals, her eyes widening, and I realize a second too late that my face must have given everything away to a trained eye like hers. "You slept with him!"
Again, I open my mouth to protest but end up like a gaping fish.
I am not a liar, I cannot lie to my friends.
"Holy shit!" Uriah exclaims. "You really did!"
They are all staring at me, their faces a mixture between amused and horrified.
Except Four. Four looks like he is about to explode.
The expression on his face almost breaks my heart: betrayal. Eric always has been and always will be his nemesis. I get it.
"How could you?" He finally asks, his voice scratchy.
"Look, I get that you’re upset. But it’s really none of your business," I reply. "This is between Eric and me. All I can say is that he was there for me when I needed him, that we‘ve been through a lot together."
"So have we all?" Four counters. "But I don’t see you sleeping with Zeke because of it?"
I role my eyes, trying to not get angry. "This topic is over. I‘m not gonna talk about it. I haven’t even really talked to Eric about it."
"What’s there to talk about, Eric doesn’t do relationships, you know that," Four snorts.
"Guys," Uriah interferes now. "Guys, calm down. Tris is right, what happened with Eric is between her and him. Our job as her friends is not to judge but to make sure that her feelings do not get her killed. Alright?"
"Thank you," I mutter. "Now can we please get back to the more important matters here?"
"Yeah," Four snaps. "Tell us again how your boyfriend and his new super leader are killing off innocent people."
Feeling my blood starting to boil, I get up.
"Talk to me when you‘re done acting like a child," I say to Four before turning around and leaving the apartment, slamming the door shut behind me.
Later that night, sitting at my kitchen table, I am still so immensely pissed at Four that I skip dinner in the cantine and instead eat in my apartment. Christina has been by to try and arbitrate, claiming that now might not be the time to fight your friends after one of them has just died. I wholeheartedly agree with her - nonetheless, I was not the one being inappropriate. It is no-ones business who I sleep with, least of all Four‘s.
After realizing that she is getting nowhere, Chris left, probably on a mission to now convince Four to apologize.
Well, so far the idiot has not tried to get into contact with me.
I am so lost in thought that I barely realize the key being turned before my apartment door opens and Eric walks in, wearing nothing but a shirt and very, very tight boxer briefs.
"What do you want, it‘s late," I sigh, letting my head drop into my hands in exhaustion. I do not have the energy to deal with his attitude again tonight.
Eric doesn‘t say a word; he simply closes the door behind him and then walks past me and into the hallway, heading straight toward my bedroom.
"What are you doing?" I ask, completely dumbfounded.
He stops, his hand on the doorknob, but doesn‘t turn around.
"I‘m being Dauntless."
Then, he looks back over his shouler at me.
"You coming?"
And then he is in my bedroom.
For a moment, all I can do is sit there and blink in confusion.
Shaking my head, I get up and follow him into the bedroom.
Eric is lying comfortably on the left side of my bed.
"Stop staring at me and come into bed, Stiff," He says. "Like you said, it‘s late and we‘ve got an early day tomorrow."
He holds up the covers for me to slip underneath.
I fight the urge to pinch myself - maybe I am already asleep and dreaming? - and turn the lights off before slipping into bed beside him.
I turn onto my side to look at him in the soft light of the moon coming in through the window - and let out a gasp when I see his face.
"What the hell happened to your nose?!"
It is swollen and black-ish and covered with a thick medical strip.
"Ran into Four," he answers nonchalantly, like it is the most obvious of explanations.
"Oh god, what did you do?" I groan into my pillow.
Eric scowls. "I’m the one with the broken nose and yet you think I‘m at fault here?"
"Are you or are you not?"
He glares at me, then rolls his eyes. "Maybe."
I shake my head. "Tell me."
"Wasn’t a big deal," Eric shrugs his shoulders, causing the bed to shake slightly. "He tripped me, like a child, can you imagine? So I figured it had something to do with you and me and you not being able to keep your mouth shut about what happened" - now it is me that scowls – "So I might have said something along the lines of not having time to deal with his bullshit because I have to get ready to fuck his ex and he punched me in the face."
"And what did you do to him?" I sigh. "Is he still alive?"
"Oh I didn‘t do anything," Eric smirks at me. "I‘m fucking his girl, I‘ve already won."
"I‘m not some price to win, you stupid ass!" I snap at him, slightly pinching his upper arm.
"Ouch! Alright, I‘m sorry."
"You should be," I pause for a second. "And for the record: I wasn‘t gonna tell anyone. Chris figured it out."
"It‘s fine," Eric replies, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into his side. "I just want to keep … this … to ourselves for now, you know? I don‘t want the others laughing at me or something for … this."
"What, for having a girlfriend?" I scoff. "Being in an adult relationship? You think they‘re gonna point their fingers at you and stick their tongues out? We‘re not in kindergarten."
"Whatever," he grumbles. "I‘m just not ready to label … this … yet."
"It‘s fine," I sigh, burying my nose in his shirt, breathing in his familiar smell. It instantly calms me. "I don‘t want anyone to think I’m sleeping my way up anyway."
Eric‘s ensuing laughter rumbles through his body, vibrating against my cheek.
"Aren‘t you?" He asks and I can hear the grin in his voice.
"No," I mumble. "And just so you know, there’s no sex tonight. I‘m not gonna reward you for that stunt you pulled with Four."
Eric sighs dramatically. "So it‘s true what they say - you no longer have sex once you‘re in a relationship."
I laugh loudly and snuggle closer.
A couple of seconds pass by before I suddenly start to smirk.
"So we are in a relationship then?"
"Go to fucking sleep, Stiff."