Work Text:
"This is absolutely ridiculous," Miles said, through gritted teeth. "I can"t believe-"
"How was I supposed to know?!" Phoenix protested. "There wasn"t a sign on it or anything."
Miles held the bridge of his nose with one hand. "Only you would stumble onto a priceless heirloom plant, and only for you would it be the only mystical aphrodisiac between here and Japan."
"That"s really not hard, you know," Phoenix pointed out. "There"s not much between here and Japan but the ocean and Hawaii."
"Wright?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
"I"m sure it"s not going to be a big deal," Phoenix told him. "I don"t even feel, er," he paused, blushing, "um, you know."
"Yes, I know," Miles sighed. "All too well, I"m afraid."
"Bikini was just exaggerating. I"m sure she thinks this is all hilarious."
"Be that as it may, it doesn"t change the fact that she locked us up in a cave until you-" he waved a hand in lieu of finishing that sentence.
"You"ve got to admit, people get locked into caves all the time around here," Phoenix argued. "At least it"s not freezing this time. And she had to do something to protect the virtue of the sisters."
He rolled his eyes. "I"m fairly certain it had much more to do with her desire to play matchmaker than anything else."
"Oh," Phoenix said, sounding a little surprised, blushing a little darker. "Hey, why do you think a bunch of nuns have a sex plant, anyway?"
Miles shrugged. "Well, traditionally, nuns have-" Whatever he had been going to say was forgotten when Phoenix suddenly lurched forward, clutching at his stomach with both hands and gasping. "What happened? Are you all right?"
He nodded, panting heavily. "Cramp. I"m sure it"ll-" He stopped, looking up. "Have you been working out?"
Miles rolled his eyes, sighing heavily. "Here we go."
Phoenix stood, a little shaky on his feet. "Cause you look really good."
"Wright," Miles said, his voice a warning.
"Seriously, though, have you been working out?" he asked, stepping closer so that he could put his hands on Miles"s chest.
"For your sake, I hope the plant is interfering with your mental abilities," Miles told him, not moving, looking curiously at Phoenix"s hands, "because that was the worst pick-up line I have ever personally received."
"Larry told me that one," he admitted, skimming his fingers up to Miles"s shoulders underneath his suit coat. "I should"ve known better than to try it." Phoenix pulled at Miles"s jabot, trying in vain to get it undone. "How does this thing even work?"
"Oh for- stop that!" He batted Phoenix"s hands away. "It"s part of the shirt. I"ll thank you not to rip it." Phoenix gave up, going for Miles"s pants instead, only to be thwarted yet again. "Will you please calm down?"
"Come on, Miles."
"Stop," he said, pushing Phoenix back hard enough to make him stumble. "Turn around," he snapped, pointing towards the wall. "Hands out in front of you."
Phoenix was too startled to do anything but comply, putting his palms flat on the wall of the cave. "What are you doing?"
"You need my help, and I"m going to do it my way," Miles told him matter-of-factly. "Brace yourself, and, please, Wright, do shut up."
He unfastened Phoenix"s pants, letting them drop to his ankles, pushing his boxer briefs down around his thighs. For a terrifying moment, Miles was gone entirely; but then there he was, fitting his warm body up against Phoenix"s. "I"ve got you," he said, wrapping his hand around Phoenix"s erection. "Just stay still and let me handle everything."
Phoenix let his head back onto Miles"s shoulder. "Keep doing that, and you can handle anything you like."
"Clever," Miles said sarcastically, stroking him slowly. "How do you feel?"
"Aside from the obvious? Pretty fantastic."
He didn"t dignify that with a response. "Any discomfort? Pain?"
"It feels like," Phoenix started, but he didn"t know how to finish the sentence. It was like something buzzing along his spine, sharp and fresh and threatening to surge up and control him.
"Calm down and relax," Miles said softly, speeding up his movements. "Is this what you need?"
Phoenix bit his lower lip. "More? Please?"
Miles started working him with both hands then, one hand working smooth and steady on his dick while the other skimmed up inside his shirt to rub at his nipples. He had been waiting so long for Miles to touch him like this; it was everything he"d wanted, even if it had happened under circumstances this bizarre- though, honestly, what in his life wasn"t bizarre?
The silence was going to drive him crazy, though. Even with Miles"s weight warm and heavy against his back, he still felt so alone, so out of control. He could feel his heart start to race faster and faster, like he was just going to explode if something didn"t happen. "T- talk to me, Miles," he pleaded.
"I was reading the most fascinating article in GLJ yesterday."
Phoenix sighed in exasperation. "You"re enjoying this, aren"t you?"
"More than a little," he confessed. "What do you want me to talk about?"
"Anything," he begged. "Just, just don"t leave me like this."
"I could tell you that all this panting and sweating is really a good look for you," he said, so casually that he could have been discussing the weather. God, how could he stay so incredibly, awfully calm, especially when Phoenix felt like he was about to snap at any moment? "Or we could discuss what you"re going to do for me in return for assisting you."
Phoenix"s breath hitched and caught in his throat. "Oh god, Miles, anything you want."
"Are you sure about that? What if I"m not satisfied with your hands? What if I want you on your knees in front of me so I can have your mouth?"
Phoenix couldn"t stop the moan that escaped him then. "Yes, please, anything, Miles."
"What if I wanted to fuck you?" Miles said, his voice rough and low, and Phoenix shuddered just hearing anything that vulgar coming from his lips. "You look good now, but you"ll look even better spread out underneath me while I take you."
Phoenix could see it all in his head; maybe it was the weird sex pollen talking, but he couldn"t think of anything he could ever possibly want more.
"I might make you beg for it," Miles told him, working his hand faster and faster, his other hand coming down to caress Phoenix"s balls, reaching in behind them to press into his perineum. "I"d keep you right there, right on the edge, until I was done with you. If you think you"re turned on now," Miles said, "you haven"t seen anything yet."
When Miles bit down on his neck, Phoenix came so hard he thought he would pass out, falling heavily against the wall. Miles didn"t let him go, rubbing soothing circles onto his back, his hands warm and calm. "Better?"
It took him a minute to respond. The tingly, rough feeling of the aphrodisiacs was gone; he was pretty sure the lightheaded feeling and silly grin were the orgasm"s fault instead. "Yeah."
With one last reassuring pat, Miles let him up. He got his clothes back into order before turning around; his pants were wrinkled to hell and back, but it wasn"t like anybody outside didn"t know what he"d been doing in here or anything.
When he finally turned away from the wall, Miles was delicately wiping his hand with a handkerchief. His clothing was in perfect order, despite Phoenix"s best efforts; except the bulge in his pants, he barely looked like he"d done anything at all.
"Um. I could help you with that?" Phoenix offered, casting his eyes downwards. "I"m very helpful."
Miles pursed his lips. "Wright, I am absolutely not going to have sex with you."
Phoenix did his best not to look hurt. "Oh."
"Don"t make that face at me," he snapped. "I wasn"t finished. We"re in a cave, for God"s sake. Who knows what kind of bacteria thrive in this kind of environment? Not to mention that we don"t have any supplies to speak of." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Therefore, I am absolutely not going to have sex with you until we get back to Los Angeles."
Phoenix grinned, already thinking of a counterargument; but suddenly, there were voices and commotion from outside, and he got the feeling they were going to have a lot of company, very soon. "Next train leaves in three hours," he said casually.
"Don"t be ridiculous," Miles huffed, walking past him towards the mouth of the cave, without so much as a backwards glance. "We"ll take my car."