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In one of Lambert's earlier memories, his father chided him for playing in a tree above a halfway frozen river.
"You can't put yourself in danger like that," he said with a grave shaking of his head. "You could have fallen through the ice and drowned."
Lambert had nodded sagely. "I understand. I cannot allow myself to fall for the sake of the Kingdom."
"No." His father, the king of Faerghus, kneeled in front of him. "The most painful thing in the world is outliving your child. Do not make me bury you, Lambert."
Lambert would remember this at his funeral, and his mother's funeral, and his wife's --- and every single time, he would think, there is nothing that can be worse than this.
He was wrong.
---
When Gustave finds them both, Lambert still hasn't put down Dimitri's corpse.
Everything goes into motion, of course, and Lambert finds himself healed well past what he needs, whisked away quickly as the dead (his son, where is his son?) are gathered and counted. Gustave keeps fretting over him the entire carriage ride back to Fhirdiad.
And the entire walk to the infirmary.
"You're dismissed," Lambert commands when Gustave asks to escort him to his bedchambers.
Gustave is taken aback. "But Your Majesty---"
"You've done more than enough here. I will be fine. Gustave, your family is waiting for you. Go home."
"I---" something wars in his face, but he regains his resolve. "Of course, Your Majesty."
---
"I'll hunt them down," Felix vows, kneeling in front of the throne, barely thirteen and no longer a child, "and I'll kill every last one of them. They have to pay. For my brother. For my best friend. I'll avenge them, Your Majesty. I swear it."
Was this last week? Did it truly only happen last week, with Glenn's funeral today?
"Felix, that is quite enough," Rodrigue says, and pulls him up by the elbow. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize my son would forget all decorum."
"Not all of us can die like a true knight, Rodrigue," Felix snaps.
Rodrigue sighs.
Lambert has the rules of etiquette and diplomacy so deeply ingrained into every fiber of his being that even his grief cannot compel him to say what he really wants to. He politely half-smiles instead and raises a hand to dismiss them both. "No offense taken. Please get some rest, the both of you. It's been a long day."
Rodrigue bows, likely to set an example for Felix. "Thank you, Your Majesty."
Felix practically snarls at Rodrigue on the way out, and Lambert is nearly certain that he hears a quiet "I hate you!" right before the doors swing shut.
At least you still have a child.
---
Some days he hopes his wife might still be alive. That she somehow escaped the jaws of death and decided to live on her own for a while, and that's why they couldn't find her corpse.
If anyone could do it, it would be Patricia.
---
"So, Lambert," Rufus says, closing the royal study door behind him, "wanna go fishing?"
Lambert closes his eyes and counts to ten. "What do you want?"
"I want to spend time with my little brother."
Lambert opens his eyes to glare. "Then schedule an appointment. I'm busy."
"You haven't left your office in three months."
"You---" Lambert takes a deep breath. "Kleiman and half the other Western nobles want to burn Duscur to the ground for the crime of killing the royal family, and I have to fight them every single day from starting an indiscriminate slaughter; this year's crop yield from Tailtean was the smallest we've seen in decades; Empire merchants are complaining because the roads are unsafe now; Lonato's heir would've been executed by the Church if I didn't explicitly intervene; my best friend lost his eldest and is hated by his only living son, or if you want to look at it pragmatically, the new heir to Fraldarius is hell-bent on revenge at the expense of all else; Sreng might declare war at any moment; and, oh, by the way, your nephew is dead! Do you not care, or have you just been too busy fucking your way across Leicester to notice?!"
Rufus very calmly says, "Lambert, take a break."
Lambert puts his face in his hands and allows himself a single shaky sigh. "I can't."
---
Cornelia makes a joke about having another Queen Consort, and even goes so far as to offer herself up for the task.
It really isn't funny.
---
It hits him sometimes how much he misses having children around.
With his son --- gone, there's no reason for his friends, or their parents, to be in the castle.
Count Galatea has his hands full arranging another marriage for Ingrid, so neither of them stop by nearly as often, and Lambert loses his favorite drinking partner.
Margrave Gautier keeps Sylvain busy on the border now that his disowned eldest runs around as a bandit, and Lambert loses a valuable sparring partner.
Rodrigue tries to keep Felix away from combat as much as he can because the kid is already lethal enough without trying to become the Kingdom's youngest knight like his brother, and Lambert lets his best friend slip even further away.
---
It's quiet. It's too quiet.
Lambert goes to the fair put on by artisans from Duscur and Faerghus as a gesture of mutual goodwill, and he meets a kid from a Duscur blacksmithing family selling cooking herbs alongside his family's typical wares. There's something in his smile that reminds Lambert of his son, and he thinks, whimsically, that maybe in another life they could have been friends.
(He gets the same feeling meeting the cheerful Fhirdiad merchant's daughter running the baked goods stand right next door.)
It's ridiculous. He's getting too sentimental.
And lonely.
It's too quiet in the halls of the castle.
It gives him too much time to remember.
---
Lambert has fought enough battles to know when someone is going to die.
"Father," Dimitri wheezes, blood gurgling out of the gash that nearly severs his left shoulder at the neck. Only his right arm works as he reaches out to Lambert, and Lambert scoops him off the ground, gently cradling his head.
It's a mortal wound.
Why hadn't he paid attention to his Faith lessons growing up? Why had he assumed he could always rely on Rodrigue?
"Don't leave me," Dimitri sobs, face pressed into Lambert's chest.
"Shhh. It's okay, Dimochka. I've got you."
Lambert holds his son close and sings the lullaby that would always calm him down as a baby.
Dimitri is dead before the second verse.