Chapter Text
He knows why he hates it, but he’ll never admit it.
The warmth that pooled under him was deceiving. It was so cruel that he just had to acknowledge it. A cold meaning.
If he wanted to summarise how his life has been since losing his sister it would be something like: being spoon fed the worst food on the planet and if he didn’t swallow he’d have the spiciest pepper shoved down his throat.
Right now the pepper is still digesting. It hurts a lot more than he thought it would.
He wanted to be mad, but the grief made it hard to look anywhere but where Thoma laid.
“Dainsleif! How-?! why-?! This- This wasn’t the deal!” He listened to the voice argue with Dainsleif, shock was evident, but he couldn’t find himself to care who it was who yelled in his stead.
“Don’t resent me so much, it works in both of our favors, you more so than me really.”
“You promised! You-You-! This wasn’t-! You told me-! You said you wouldn’t hurt him!”
“And I didn’t. If anything, I'm helping him. And I didn’t lay a finger on him. So in all aspects, I have upheld my side of the deal thus far.”
“Don’t do that! Don’t do this! You killed someone!”
Two steps, then a small shriek.
“We don’t have time for these…trivial side stories. You and I both know that.” Dain’s voice was serious, a deep and brooding serious, the kind that would make a child cry.
The high pitched voice didn’t make another peep. Not a single word. Meaning Dain won.
…
A dead body at his side, blood on his hands, and the murderer doesn’t seem to have a care in the world. He couldn’t help but let his own world of thoughts consume him.
‘ At least fake it. Pretend you're sorry, pretend that you’re overcome with guilt, pretend you're in hysterics, pretend you’re a psychopath, pretend there was a reason-
Don’t make it seem like his life was worth nothing!’
——
He paused. closing his eyes. As if he was shutting out the world.
Thinking, letting the thoughts overwhelm him.
He then came to a conclusion, an understanding. whether it's right or not didn’t matter, he just wanted a reason to latch onto.
he thought he finally understood.
Finally understood why he loved Thoma the way he did,
Why Aether had held onto his part of “Rue” so tightly.
Why he could never find himself to be alone, no matter how many times he told himself he’d isolate himself from the world. Why he was destined to hurt people, and get hurt in return. Why Teyvat seemed so much crueler than other worlds.
He finally got it.
he had come to his conclusion.
He stared at the corpse in front of him as if it ruined his world. He tried to push the sorrow back. Wanting to claim Thoma was just another person he had forced a connection with. He didn’t want Thoma to be anymore than that. If he was, then he would have no other choice then to blame himself for his death.
And yet.
Aether couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help but want to grieve.
Small hands touched his shoulder in a slow motion. He could hear the sounds of space and sparkles, and he closed his eyes.
“Aether…Are you-...okay?” She asked even though she knew the answer. It was just a pathetic attempt to comfort him. But the comfort didn’t seem to have been received, instead ignored.
She decided that she would never leave him alone, not again.
“You-...Paimon won’t leave you. Paimon’s here now.” She whispered, craving for a response
He opened his eyes, Dainsleif was gone.
He felt heat rise to his chest. He brought his attention to Paimon, and his hands itched to wrap themselves around her neck, anyones neck. Even his own. He was upset, he wanted to vent his anger out on everything or anyone.
But he bit his lip hard, just to the point where it didn’t bleed. He just stared at the ground to compose himself.
All she could see in his eyes was sadness, but as she observed him longer, the air around him changed. The somber feeling turned to bloodlust.
It was petrifying. Paimons instincts told her to run…But after everything, she wouldn’t allow him to be alone, nor would she allow him to stray even farther into his own world. She was here to guide him, and to guide him she must be with him, so she would never leave, in the name of her job.
So all his emotions, all those feelings, she would accept them as they were.
“Paimon-”
“Yes!” she quickly spoke at his sudden comment
“How are you even here?” he said halfheartedly
She felt a little hurt at the tone of his response, but continued on. “Paimon followed you both. When he saved you in Liyue.”
‘She was with him for that long? She had watched him all that time?’ Aether thought
He didn’t know how to feel about it. How to feel about anything really. He really wished, the anger that was boiling inside of him wouldn't overflow. All these things happening at once, it was just too much.
Like how he had fought a god, how he had fought his friends, hurt his friends…Like the realization that all of his actions, might not really ‘be his’, and instead, it may just be what he wants other people to see.
Like the familial love he used to feel for Thoma, all of it seemed to vanish, and instead was replaced by a sense of betrayal. He wondered if he really did feel anything ‘family like’ with Thoma.
He doubts it.
All this time, he had simply, subconsciously, replaced his sister. He knows it.
It was at first Paimon, then the Mondstadt people, then the Liyue people, and now Thoma.
The realisation seemed to destroy his view of his real friendships and fake ones. The line between real and fake, reality and imagination, had never felt so blurred. The realisation almost made him want to lose hope.
Aether yearns for affection. The love. He runs towards it no matter how many times it has hurt him before. He will run towards a companion no matter if they are good or evil. The hole in his heart is growing bigger, with every person that slips through. It doesn’t seem fair.
but in the very same way, Aether discards his “friends” just as easily.
…
Thoma was never Aethers , no, that was Rue. Rue is the one Thoma loved Rue, not Aether.
And Rue is not Aether.
Rue is his poor attempt at a new beginning. A half-hazardly thrown-together personality that makes up the ideal person that Aether could never become. Someone created to appeal to Thoma.
All he wanted was to simulate a family.
A bond
Isn't it natural to want back something that was stolen from you?
He never wanted any of this to happen.
‘I never wanted to hurt anyone.’
He swears in his mind, he had to, there was just no other way.
Sulking in his own self-pity, Aether can’t bear to be there any longer. He got up and began to walk away,
As he did, he collided with someone. He raised his head, and his eyes met an icy blue. But, she wasn’t looking at him at all, rather, she was looking past him, at the body on the ground. Which made sense.
He began to walk past once more, he could hear Paimon follow after him. As he made his way, a slender hand grabbed his own.
Aether simply looked over his shoulder. She was shaking, her eyes were widened with fear, and her mouth agape looking for words, but she couldn’t even muster a scream
“Tell me-” Tears started to drip from her eyes, and she choked on her words. “ Please- What happened here?!”
She pulled Aether so he faced her, and her eyes seemed to evaluate every inch of his body. Her eyebrows furrowed.
“What did you do?!” Her voice, while demanding, was still strained with despair. “Did you do this?!”
He narrowed his eyes and took another look at the room behind the girl. Dain was gone, chairs and stools knocked over, the dog seemed to weep, whining at Thoma’s side, and blood was all over. It reminded him of a certain domain. Though this time, it was much more unpleasant.
He averted his eyes. “He was killed.”
Her hands rushed to her sword, Aether summoned a pebble and flicked it towards her hand. She flinched as it hit her.
Aether sighed, quickly speaking up
“It wasn’t me. The person who did it- He-“ he swallowed the tremble that crept into his words. “Is someone far from your reach. Someone like you could never catch him. So just forget it.”
“Aether…” Paimon sounded guilty, upset even about his response, but he paid her no mind.
“Was it the shogun?! The Decree?! Please!” she pleaded, “Just tell me!”
“He's dead, and there's nothing we can do about it.”
He once again turned to leave, but the girl pulled on his arm once again, her expression looked as if she was begging for answers, Aether didn’t need her to say anything to see that much.
The image of his sister hazily passed over his thoughts as he looked at her.
A wave of strong emotions hit him hard. He gritted his teeth and the words flowed out on their own,
“And even if it was the Shogun, what would you do? What could you do?!” His anger flared suddenly, “You're powerless!”
She took a step back, rage and sadness fluctuated in her expressions.
“You- you don’t know anything! I will find a way! If it meant punishing whoever did this-! Then I-!” She choked on a sob, “I! I would do anything!”
Frustration settled into Aether.
“Anything? Like what?! Uselessly getting yourself killed over a person who’s already dead?! That’s just another grave to the graveyard!”
“-Then what am I supposed to do!? I just wish to find justice for Thoma! Is that a crime?! And you! What are you going to do?!!”
“Just stop already!”
“just tell me! Do you have any ideas that are better?! How could you stand idle?! You were here when it happened!”
“Do you think I wanted to be here?! I didn’t want this to happen at all! I loved Thoma! He was my only family! And now he’s dead!”
“So then why wont you do anything?! Tell me! Tell me why!”
“ Because I’m giving up!”
Her eyes went wide and she immediately went stiff.
Silence fell between them.
Aether found himself panting, rubbing the tracks of tears away as he tried to regain his composure. He quietly took a deep breath.
“...and you should too.” he muttered.
Emotions and tensions were at a consistent high,
Both of them weren’t emotionally in their right minds to argue. But in some odd way, it was liberating. To vent out all their anger, to shamelessly cry and sob.
But in all the same ways it hurt. The ache in their chests, the rock in the back of their throats, all of the things that made their emotions real, all of the things that liberated them, trapped them.
feelings truly are a double edged sword.
She turned away without a response, and simply began to ignore him. She still didn’t understand him.
Aether could already imagine her pain stricken expression, he could hear her breathing become faster, and the faint sounds of her holding in her sobs.
He looked to the ground in a somewhat shameful manner.
Paimon began to try to pull him away, tugging at his sleeve towards the door. He took a few steps forward, a few more, a few more, and he stopped as he reached the doorway. He looked back.
Her whole body was shaking, ready to collapse, as if she was waiting for him to leave so she could burst into tears and fall to her knees at Thoma’s side.
Aether sighed. He hesitated, but carried on,
“I-...I didn’t let the Shogun take his vision. It’s there.” he sucked a breath in. “Thoma…he…he spoke many lovely things about you,
Ayaka.”
_________________________________________________________________
“So what's your plan?”
The other couldn’t help but shoot a glare before responding. “I’ll go.”
“Great, then we should leave immediately-”
“Under the condition it is only us.”
He rolled his eyes “The ship is under the guise of a Snezhnayan merchant's boat looking to sell luxurious items, that happens to have made a deal with mondstadts wine thing. It’s too suspicious if it’s just us. And If you just want alone time with me, sorry. I don’t swing that way.”
His face rested into an unamused stare. “I mean . When we arrive in Inazuma, I don’t want you working with any other Fatui agents. You alone is already too many.”
They bantered like children
“Well if we want information on the Traveller, it would be a lot faster, not to mention easier, if we just use the agents!”
“Well if one of them gets near me, it might be faster, not to mention easier, if I killed them!”
“Oh just shut up! I don’t care about your stupid vendetta against the Fatui! Just remember you’re in no position to ask for anything! I offered this to you! And don’t forget it, Master Diluc.”
He clicked his tongue as he walked away. “Noon tomorrow, don’t try to piss me off anymore. I might feed your corpse to the fish”
“Childe! Childe-! Oh whatever!” He pinched the bridge of his nose and heaved a heavy sigh. “What am I thinking? Making deals with the enemy?!” he said in a murmur
He let his tense body relax, as a disappointed look fell on his face.
He didn’t understand why he was doing this, but he somewhat understood what was pushing him to his decision. Ever since his fingers were cut off, his emotions have gone haywire. He hasn’t been his usual self, he can see that.
But he can’t stop. The momentum just keeps going, the ball is already rolling.
And he doesn’t think he exactly wants it to stop. He wants to ride this new wave and see where it leads him.
Was that bad?
He’s been restless, selfish, and pitiful. You can fix restlessness, you can change selfishness, but being pitiful? The only way to quell that was to become better and stronger.
So what did it matter anymore, if he was driven by that very same selfishness, restlessness, even greed-
He needed to continue forward, even if it meant abandoning pride, or morals. Because in the name of survival, he needed to change.
Childe too, he was no longer a big fish in a small pond, the pond is beginning to overcrowd, there are too many big fish, so what does he do?
Simple. He does what he has to.
Adapt. Devour. Escape. Evolve. Anything. Childe knows how to survive, and not in the same way Diluc does.
Diluc butchers, clean cuts, and plates his enemies.
Childe knows how to swallow his prey whole.
Even if he behaved like a child, Diluc realised he needed to relearn how to survive. And against all better judgement, he knew,
Childe was one of the only people that could show him how to engulf his enemies with an almost gluttonous desire.
——
The day came, and all the preparations were set. surprisingly it all went smoothly. Though Diluc resented everyone on that ship, he endured it for the sake of his own selfishness.
But no one dared upset Diluc either, they knew of his past, and didn’t wish for the same fate to meet them.
In some way, Diluc was infamous within the Fatui, Childe knows that, but unfortunately he also knows that he needs Diluc to cover for some more…Diplomatic issues.
As his reputation is nowhere near as good as Dilucs, and he needs to walk the streets without trying to be pulled over every five minutes, Diluc was a necessary evil in Childes eyes.
This odd pair refused to talk to each other any more than necessary, but in some strange way, they knew exactly what the other was thinking.
May it be because Diluc used to be like Childe many many years ago, or they are just that predictable, it’s hard to say.
But for now, Childe regrets his offer to Diluc.
_________________________________________________________________________
“you watched.”
“I did”
he only gave a harsh glare at her response
“why are you here.”
Their conversation was cold and distant, but simple curiosity pushed them to speak,
“…you’re still the same as ever, Dainslief.”
“you have no reason to be here.”
she sighed, “and you’re still just as cruel.” Her hand steadily flowed to the hilt of her sword, “Originally I came to kill you, but…” Her eyes diverted to the widow of the tea shop, “I think I’ll just leave you half dead and crippled instead.”
“you don't have the power to do that”
“what makes you so sure?”
“Last time you tried, the one left half dead, was you.”
“That’s only because I was hesitant, but now, I’m better than to let something like you get away from me unscathed.”
“you and your brother. Your useless and foolish antics are really starting to make me upset.”
“Don’t act like you haven’t been itching to destroy my work and empire this whole time. I know you Dain. I know how you operate, how you think, how you move. But unlike you, I’ve changed.”
“dumb girl.” he muttered, “fine then, shall we put it to the test?”
for a split second she disappeared, and the very next a sword appeared and moved to slash Dainslief’s throat.
He rushed to move away, but it seems she predicted he would do so. Jumping from a portal, she landed on Dainslief’s shoulders. The initial impact surprised him, but he was quick to react, finding her arms, he tried to throw her to the ground.
But she didn’t budge.
Her legs wrapped tightly around Dainslief’s neck as if she was trying to suffocate him. She yanked her hands away from him, and covered his eyes with abyssal magic.
She went to snap Dainslief’s neck, killing him for good, but she remembered Aether’s grief stricken face as his friend was killed by Dain, and she ultimately decided to spare the traitor.
She summoned a portal and dived through, landing in a summersault as she went through another portal.
Dain was quick to shoot her sword away from her, and latch her foot to the ground using the dark aura.
She swiped her hand, letting the magic follow and ram itself into him, sending him flying into a tree. Doing so Dain’s power dissipated over her foot and she ran to get her sword.
As he tried to quickly get back up, She pushed his body onto the tree with the magic, and he was stuck until she chose to let him go.
She won. Easily.
With no hesitation, she rammed her sword into Dainslief’s knee, dislocating, and butchering it.
Dainslief let out a pained yell, but she just kept twisting her sword into the wound with a straight face. she finally stopped, then bent down to his level, and let her cold eyes pierce his body.
“I’m only letting you live, so that my brother can do-“ her hand squeezed the butchered knee, he screamed in agony, “-so much worse than this.”
“goodbye Dainslief.”