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The very first time we did it, I cried. It wasn't the pain or shame that brought tears, although I could barely sit for the rest of the day. It was the relief.
The weight of the world always sat on Sam's broad shoulders, and while my stress was not at the same world-shattering level that his was, it was still too much for me. We had sniped at one another for days until things had come to a head in our shared bedroom, frenzied kisses led to a breathless question.
I had been in the mood to argue, but his voice had been so thick with need. I was painfully curious as to why Sam Winchester would ask me to submit to this so suddenly. I stripped down to nothing at his direction while he watched, his eyes blistering me as I suddenly became self-conscious. As if he could read my mind, he produced a blindfold and tied it, my vision going dark. The rest of the world came into clear focus. The chill of the room, the smell of our sheets, the hitch of Sam's breath as he looked at me became overwhelming in my anticipation. The air was cold, and I shivered, waiting. Sam's warm hands suddenly gripped my shoulders, and I gasped.
I have wanted this for so long. His voice was ragged but firm. On your knees. Hands on the bed .
I did what I was told.
If this is too much, use the safeword. We'll stop. I want you to feel safe.
I knew the safeword, but we had never really needed it before now. Sam was the embodiment of safety for me, in spite of what he was capable of. Even now his hands were tender, running through my hair, soothing me as he settled to his knees behind me. I took a shaky breath.
So gorgeous, doing what you're told. Tell me when you are ready, baby.
Gorgeous. He’d never called me anything as ridiculous as that before. I loved it.
Another breath, a slow exhale to keep my heart from exploding out of my chest. I was ready as I was ever going to be.
"Sam." My voice was steadier than I felt. "I'm ready."
The hand still in my hair curled into a fist, pulling tightly and suddenly. I felt a savage throb in response.
What do you say?
"Please, Sam!" I cried out. The hand stayed in my hair, and the other pulled back.
I was not prepared.
The burn of his palm on the skin of my ass cheeks was fierce, and I felt it all the way to my toes.
A second smack on the other cheek felt like a brand.
I'm so proud of you. Can you handle more, my gorgeous girl?
I mewled in response. I expected another slap, but instead felt rough hands gliding over the muscles of my back. I arched deliciously into the stroke, only to receive another slap on the right cheek, close to my center.
I gasped, choking on the sound. All of my awareness focused on the point of impact. Another smack, and I felt myself bloom under Sam’s ministrations. The intensity inside me escalated quickly and I gripped the comforter like a drowning woman, but his touch was unfailingly gentle between strikes. It was comforting, back and forth, a firm massage then feather-light.
Then a resounding smack, the sting taking my breath away. Over and over.
You're doing so well, gorgeous. I love seeing you like this.
I should have been embarrassed by how aroused I was by this, but I felt nothing except relief. It was as if I dropped a burden I wasn't aware of, a weight falling off my shoulders with every slap. I barely held back a sob, the relief was so intense and exquisite. I was grateful for the blindfold, everything was so raw I wasn't ready to meet his ardent eyes. He whispered fiery and reassuring things, his hot breath burning the skin by my ear and neck -
Just like that, my beautiful. Do you know what the fuck you do to me?
Sam's hands caressed and steadied me, pulling me up from the slouch I had fallen into against the bed. I could feel his callouses following the red marks he had already left on my bare flesh, stroking up to my back and back down. The air was cool after the sting of each slap, and I sighed with relief.
Suddenly, a fresh smack that reverberated through every cell in me. He gave me time between them, gauging my reaction with his heated gaze. Wrecked noises left my throat with every impact.
Such pretty red flowers blooming , he sighed, grazing the marks on my cheeks with his talented fingers. This ass looks even better with them than it did before. I felt his lips kissing along one of the more tender spots, eager to soothe but unwilling to stop.
I whimpered. Words weren't forming, and the haze of my arousal was thick. I needed -
A particularly vicious whack ripped a raw wail from me. I was shaking and cranked up to eleven, so aroused I could barely see straight. He could have done nearly anything in that moment, I was so desperate for his touch.
I jumped when Sam lightly grabbed my wrist, confused with the blindfold on. He guided me forward to lay down on the bed on my stomach. Soft kisses peppered up and down my back, blissful affirmations whispered as he went.
Good fucking girl. What an amazing job you've done. I love seeing you come apart like this.
The blindfold came off, the light harsh for a moment. His hands ran through my hair and the whisper in my ear made my breath catch.
So gorgeous. All of you is mine to do as I please. His breath was hot on my neck and I felt myself panting with the anticipation. His large frame settled on the bed next to me, and I reached for him, wanting to feel his embrace. I craved his reassuring weight on me, I wanted to nestle in his arms and lick the sweat from his skin and leave my own marks on him until I stopped shaking. He caught my hand in his.
Thank you for this. His hands softly brushed the hair out of my eyes and smoothed it back. I have needed this for so long and was afraid to ask for it - I didn't want you to be turned off by it. His smile was as warm as sunshine, and yet his eyes were dark with need. You deserve a reward. I just want to make you feel good - what do you want, my gorgeous?
I took a deep shaky breath, and answered.
"More of you. I just need to feel your hands on me."
Sam's hand in my hair cruelly tightened, making me gasp and quiver all over again. A growl in my ear made me ache in the deepest part of me.
What do you say?
"Please." I breathed. "More of you. Anything for you. . .Please."