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Despite all evidence to the contrary, Remus was a pretty patient dude. He kinda had to be— it balanced out all of the high-energy, type-A nerds he surrounded himself with. Remus was chill, Remus was go-with-the-flow, Remus was cool.
He was very quickly losing that cool as he blared his horn for the third time in as many minutes.
“Fuckin’ fuck fuck, why aren’t we moving?”
Patton glanced up from the crossword book they kept in Remus’ car for emergencies.
“The car in front is trying to change lanes, I think,” they said lightly, craning their neck to peer out the passenger side window. “They’re trying to make a u-turn.”
Remus’ eyes cut to the left lane, which was packed with cars pressed bumper-to-bumper all trying to make the left turn before the light turned red.
“Nooooo…” he whined, dropping his head to the steering wheel. “We’re never getting out of here.”
Patton hummed softly, checking off another clue. “Yes, we will.”
“We’re gonna die here.”
“No, we won’t.”
“You’re right. Only one of us will die here. The other will have to resort to eating the other’s dead body and will be crippled with survivor’s guilt for the rest of their life.”
A beat, where the only sounds were the constant traffic and occasionally car horns. Remus felt Patton reach over and pat his arm.
“I bet your dead body is gonna taste really sweet,” they said comfortingly. Remus turned his head to smile at them, just in time for the light to turn green. He startled, attempting to speed up as much as the car in front of him would allow, only to slam on his brakes as the light turned straight to red right as they reached the front of the line.
Remus hissed like a comical cat. “Son of a donkey’s butt.”
He continued to mutter random half curses as he gripped the steering wheel. Patton looked at him, and slowly closed their crossword book.
“There is one good thing about red lights,” they said.
Remus huffed and turned, mouth open to retort with something snappy and witty and cool—
He was suddenly intercepted by Patton pressing their mouth onto his.
“Oh,” Remus breathed when they finally pulled apart to the sound of horns blaring from behind them. “Yeah, that’s very good.”