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"How could you even compare the two?" Thea practically yelled, throwing her pillow at Martha.
"What's wrong with Moritz? He's so soulful" Martha sighed a bit as she finished the sentence, a small blush creeping onto her face.
"What about you Ernst?" Thea asked, pulling Ernst's attention away from Wendla's toes, which he was painting light blue.
"I dont know, I never really talk to any of them" Ernst said, beginning on Wendla's fingernails.
"You dont think any of them are cute?" Anna asked, having already professed her longing for Melchior along with Thea.
"Well, I think its important to know someone before you pine over them Anna. I wouldn't want someone to like me just because they think I look nice." Ernst explained, earning a groan from Thea.
"Ernst, you can still like someone before knowing them, what about Melchior" Ernst shook his head, "Moritz" Martha asked.
"No."
"Georg"
"No"
"Hanschen"
Ernst let out a groan of frustration.
"No. Way. Hes an asshole" Ernst said, shaking his head rapidly.
"Yeah, duh, but hes hot" Anna argued, shaking Ernst shoulders as she giggled.
"Ew. That's my brother you weirdo, besides Ernst is right hes a total ass" Thea said, jumping up from her spot on the ground and trying not to step on any limbs. "Okay, I'm going to go change" Thea announced, Anna and Wendla following her out to change.
"Be careful with your nails Wendy" Ernst called after Wendla, before he ran after her.
*
The next morning went by pretty fast, most of the girls got picked up around eight so now it was just Ernst and Wendla.
"I can walk home Wendla, really I dont need to wait for my parents" Ernst tried to reason.
"Ernst just come with us, Thea will be there, and Otto!" Wendla begged. Actually pulling on his sleeve, Ernst was resisting and pulling her off of his arm.
"Wendla I can't go into a church, half if the people in there think homosexuality is contagious, and I really dont feel like being bullied before noon" Wendla let out a huff, before pulling him into a hug.
"Please, your parents wont even be here till three"
"Wendy, they wouldn't want me near the kids, they'd think I'm getting into their heads or whatever"
Wendla paused for a beat.
"Okay what about if you go to the park across the street and wait for me there, I'll go talk to everyone, say I'm going to the restroom or something then meet you there" She waited a few moments for his reply, which was a very hesitant nod.
"I don't want to get you in trouble Wendla, are you sure its okay?" Wendla looked up at Ernst with an annoyed look on her face, which was enough of an answer for Ernst.
By the time the Bergmann's were seated in a pew Ernst was sat down in a bench, where he could easily see the entrance of the park. Wendla was going to be here any minute and then they could resume whatever they were talking about on the walk here. Something about how once Anna got gum in her hair and-
"Hello" a voice came from behind him, oh lord I'm going to get kidnapped. oh god, oh lord, Ernst was pulled out of this thoughts by the voice speaking.
"playing hooky from church, I never took you as sinner Ernst Robel" oh fuck, he was about to get hate crimed
"I also never thought you had such bad manners" the voice said, after a spell of silence.
"Not even a hello" Ernst knew that voice, where did he know that voice from?
"Hello?" He managed to say, still looking at the entrance to the park, praying that Wendla would come and save him.
"Can I sit?" The familiar voice said, Ernst nodded, deciding that he wants to see who he's talking to.
Ernst felt the weight of the bench move, which meant that the other man had sat down. When he looked over he saw Hanschen, dressed much more casually than he should be if he was in the church at some point.
"Tell me Ernst? Why aren't you in there" Hanschen asked.
"I could ask you the same" he said, hoping that Hanschen didnt hear the panic in his voice.
"Simple. Everything thats happening in there, its all an act" Ernst was silent, waiting for an explanation.
"Truly it is, all of them, theyre just hiding their envy."
Ernst was silent looking towards the front of the park, as Hanschen kept speaking.
"Envious of those who can live their life how they want, that dont abide by the rules. Although I guess I cant really speak about not obeying rules can I?"
Another beat if silence, Hanschen didn't seem to mind.
"You waiting for someone?" Hanschen asked, the bench shifting as Hanschen repositioned himself.
Ernst nodded, she should be here by now, why wasn't she here?
"Well, while you wait can you answer my question?"
"What question?" Ernst asked trying to remember what they were talking about before.
"You aren't in church, I told you why I skipped, now its your turn"
"There's no way in hell I'm telling you Hanschen Rilow" Ernst said, before turning back to face the entrance and look for Wendla, only now he let himself glance at Hanschen every so often.
"I take deep offence to that Ernst, and to think, I was beginning to believe you enjoyed my presence"
"Thea has made it very clear that you think everyone enjoys your presence" Ernst was surprised at how rude it came off.
"If everyone enjoyed my presence do you think all the rumors about me would be flying about?" Hanschen had knew he won the short- half-argument thing.
"Im still not telling you, and maybe if you stopped pressing for answers then I would enjoy your presence" Ernst mumbled, looking back at Hanschen.
"Who are you waiting for?" Hanschen asked, ignoring Ernst's advice.
"Wendla" Ernst answered, Hanschen nodded, tapping his finger on his thigh, shit now Ernst was looking at Hanschen's thighs. And thats weird for numerous reasons.
"Mhm, right, you guys had a sleepover at her house" Hanschen spoke, not really to Ernst, more to himself.
"Why are you here? I assume your parents are aware of your absence every sunday" Ernst's questioned, his parents let him stay home from church, mostly because they dont want to be associated with him, but thats unimportant.
"We came after we picked up Thea, I just needed someplace to be. I usually dont come, but I'm glad I didn't stay home today"
"And why is that?" Ernst asked.
"Well, today I have company" Hanschen answered as if it was obvious, which it kinda was.
"Well, Im sure there are always people in the park, why dont you talk with them?"
"You said it yourself Ernst, I'm not very enjoyable" Hanschen said, his voice sounding playful but Ernst could tell that ge might have hurt his feelings.
"Okay, that was rude of me to say, but you're not so bad" Ernst bumped shoulders with Hanschen in a playful manner, kinda expecting Hanschen to put off by the gesture, but Hanschen laughed.
"You say that now" Hanschen looked at Ernst for a moment before looking past him, causing Ernst to look as well.
"Ernst! I'm so sorry I took so long Melchior wouldn't shut the fuck up about some book he was reading" Wendla called as she ran up to Ernst, stopping when she noticed Hanschen.
"Hanschen?" She said, cocking her head to the side as if it wasn't clearly him.
"That would be me" Hanschen got up from the bench, "I'll leave you to it then" his voice sounding more distant than when he talked to Ernst.
"What was that?" Wendla practically squealed, rushing to where Hanschen had been sitting moments before.
"He just wanted to talk, and I thought my friend had forgotten about me so I kept him company" Ernst explained, Wendla giving him a disbelieving look the whole time.
"Just be careful ok Ernst?" Wendla asked, grabbing his hand carefully.
"I was just talking Wendy" Ernst said, pulling his hand out of Wendla's.
*
The next day at school went how any other day would go, Ernst went to class, ate lunch and walked home, just like always. The only thing that was different was Wendla slightly nudging Ernst if Hanschen walked by, the others caught on soon after that.
The next week, when him and Thea were alone Thea said
"If Hanschen tries anything I'll hit him"
"Tried anything with what?"
"With you, idiot" was all she said, Ernst choked on the strawberry soda he was drinking.
Now that everyone thought him and Hanschen were in love with eachother or something, Ernst found it hard to not blush when he was around the boy. Not because 9f growing feelings, no, definitely not that, because of embarrassment.
Luckily it was easy enough to avoid Hanschen, Ernst only had two classes with him, and the cafeteria was so big that Hanschen's regular table was across the room. So as long as Ernst took the long route to his classes he would be fine.
Well, fine until Wednesday after school.
"Ernst, wait up" Hanschen called after him, as he pushed his way through the crowds of students. He was doing that half-running thing where you dont want to seem too eager to do whatever it is you're trying to do. Ernst stopped and turned around, then started walking towards him because it was getting uncomfortable standing there.
"Hey, mind if I join you?" Hanschen asked when the two met in the middle of the schools courtyard, he sounded slightly out of breath, and his hair was messy. Something about how he said it made it sound like the answer had to be yes, But maybe it jist felt like that because Hanschen was kinda terrifying in general.
"Sure, where's Thea?" Ernst said as he began walking towards the soccer field. Turning to see if Hanschen was following.
"I don't know, her and Otto are probably making out somewhere" Hanschen was walking behind Ernst, holding himself with confidence. Instead of asking about that odd comment he decided to change the subject.
"Okay, and may I ask why your walking with me?" Ernst said, he hoped that Hanschen couldn't see how red his face was.
"I need company" Hanschen said, running his hand through his hair. Does he dye his hair? that cant be natural, Ernst thought as he turned back around.
*
After a few weeks it had become a normal thing, Hanschen began walking to the corner of his street, but never all the way to his house. Thea would join sometimes, but she would always stop at their house, leaving the two alone.
This didn't help with Wendla's constant teasing, but he was finding Hanschen to be less of an ass than he previously thought. Sure he could be a judgemental bitch, and complain about everything, but sometimes its funny.
After a month of this routine Hanschen had debunked every single rumor Ernst had ever heard about him. Ernst found himself defending Hanschen if Anna ever brought up a rumour about him, which didn't help his case, but Ernst didn't care. He had stopped caring about the groups interest of him and Hanschen long ago.
He even ranted about it to Hanschen once, Hanschen was less mad about it than Ernst thought he would be.
"Ernst, if you're going to like any boys at this school I must advise you, they all act like apes. I would say dogs, but dogs are loyal. Just in general most boys our age suck"
"You don't" Ernst stated, not able to see how red Hanschen's face was.
"I'm an outlier" and that was the end of it.
*
Ernst still didn't know why Hanschen had liked his company after the second month of their routine.
"Why do you talk with me?" Ernst asked one day as the two were in the middle of their walk towards Ernst's house.
"I mean, I don't talk with any of the other boys, and I'm not smart, or popular, and I'm not bullied enough to be some weird, twisted charity project that popular people seem to take on every once and a while."
Hanschen had just kinda, stared at Ernst. There wasn't any fear, or guilt, or anything in his eyes.
"And if you wanted to be my friend then you would've just talked to me one of the times I was at your house to study with Thea, so, why are you all of a sudden talking to me?"
"Ernst, I would appreciate if we didn't have to talk about this right now" Hanschen said, looking around.
"Why? I'm curious, is it some weird dare or something? I just want to know, because before that one Sunday I wasn't even sure if you knew I existed"
"It's more complicated than that, and I really dont feel like getting into it now"
After some very silent walking towards Ernst's house Ernst stopped Hanschen at the corner of his street.
"What if you come in and tell me?" Ernst asked, sounding more desperate than hed like to admit.
Hanschen nodded, and for the first time in two months Hanschen walked past the corner of Ernst's street.
Ernst pushed the door of the home open, and started turning lights on.
"Do you need anything? I can raid the pantry, or we can go outside on the patio" Ernst felt a little weird, he was rocking on his feet and watching Hanschen's expression.
Bringing him to his house might not have been the best idea, it was an old house, with creaky floorboards, and popcorn ceilings. Ernst has been in the Rilow's house on numerous occasions, everything in his house looked like it was from a movie. Actually now that he thinks about it he kinda remembers Thea mentioning that their mom is an interior designer.
Hanschen looked around the house, standing in the middle of the entryway.
"No thanks" Hanschen took a step towards Ernst, and kinda just stared at his face for a moment. There was a lot of staring today apparently.
"Um, we can go to my room?" Ernst said, motioning to a small door, which he opened up to reveal a hallway.
When they got to his room Ernst felt embarrassed, all the walls were covered with art, or shelves, which were messy and unorganized. Every surface was covered with paper, books, art supplies, and lipgloss. Why was there so much lipgloss in his room?
Hanschen made a humming noise, before sitting down on the bed.
"You have a nice house Ernst" Hanschen said when Ernst finally sat down next to him.
"Uh, thanks?" Ernst was still surveying his room and finding small flaws with it. Like how he taped pictures on his mirror, and if you looked closely you could see where some pictures used to be before they fell off. He should've cleaned his room last Saturday like he planned.
"Really, my house always feels fake, but yours has a personality. Which I'm realizing is an odd way to describe it but its true"
Hanschen took a long and slow breath, then let out a breathy laugh.
"I suppose I should tell you why I followed you home for what? A month?" Hanschen said, repositioning himself on Ernst's bed.
"Two"
"Oh wow already?" When he got no response from Ernst he decided to just keep going.
"Okay, well it started that Sunday in the park, and then after that everything was good, right? But then a week or two later there was another rumor going around you about you liking Bobby Mahler," Hanschen paused for a second to see Ernst's reaction. Ernst heard about the rumor of course, but it hasn't bothered him in the slightest.
"And a few days later, after gym Bobby said you were staring at him in the showers, and he said he was going to" Hanschen looked guilty for some reason, and he kept his eyes on Ernst's bedspread.
"He said, he was going to pull you into the alleyway by his house, to beat you up, then he was going to... well, you know" Hanschen closed and opened his mouth about a million times trying to decide whether to say something else or to shut up.
Ernst didn't quite know what the end of that sentence was supposed to be but he knew that it wasn't good. he was going to beat you up, he was going to mug you, he was going to kill you. Theres no way to end that sentence positively. When he looked back at Hanschen there were tears streaming down his cheeks, yet his face seemed calm.
Hanschen cried for a moment, with Ernst in a state of shock. When he finally came to his senses Ernst wrapped his arms around Hanschen, the whole situation might have been nice if it wasnt so... Opposite. Normally when you look at Hanschen you dont see him as the type to cry, especially not when paired with Ernst.
They stayed like that for a while, Hanschen had wrapped his arms around Ernst at some point.
"It was terrible, Ernst" Hanschen let out a small sob, "I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to catch you that day, that I'd have to live with knowing I could've stopped it"
he said he was going to kill you seemed like a pretty good fit to Hanschens unfinished sentence right about now.
"Which is kinda absurd cause I barely even knew you, but then I was thinking about how Thea would react. What would happen if Thea had to find out, and then if she found out I knew. How do you live with that you know? And then I got to know you and the whole thing just got worse." Hanschen was spiraling, fast.
Ernst made a shushing noise, trying to calm Hanschen, though he was crying too.
"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Hanschen repeated over and over again, between sobs. Ernst had tried to pull out of the hug to get his water but every time he tried Hanschen pulled him closer. He didn't know if it was because Hanschen felt bad or if it was because Hanschen needed to feel close to someone, anyone.
Ernst was glad that he knew the truth, and he was glad that Hanschen's crying had slowly stopped.
"Hanschen" Ernst said, finally managing to get loose from his grip.
Hanschen looked up, his face was red and his eyes were slightly puffy but it had a certain beauty to it. Ernst had never known someone who was a pretty crier until today. Hanschen's thick eyelashes glistening with tears, like out of the movies.
"Thank you" was what Ernst said before he slipped his hand through Hanschen's.
*
Somehow, amidst all the crying the two had fallen asleep.
Ernst woke up first, with his hand still in Hanschen's, who had Ernst in a death hold once again. Although Ernst was glad that in the twos, odd state that their fingers never intertwined. That means that the hand holding was romantic, and thats not how it was. Nope, not at all.
The whole room felt cluttered, like after a bad hurricane, when you see all the pictures of the debris everywhere, thats how it felt. Splintered wood and scattered memories mixed in with a wave of emotions you cant quite place.
Ernst looked back to Hanschen and finally realized what the girls had talked about in all those sleepovers. Maybe he had always secretly felt it, but it just all now came out. He let his fingers intertwine with Hanschen's.
Ernst gently shook Hanschen's hand until his eyes fluttered open, he made a small mumbling noise before sitting up.
"What time is it?" Hanschen asked through a half-yawn thing.
"8:48" Ernst said, checking the clock on his nightstand.
Hanschen rubbed his eyes which were still wet with tears.
"I'll call Thea and tell her you're with me, do you need a ride home?" Ernst asked Hanschen, even though he wouldn't be able to provide him with one.
Hanschen shook his head, and just rested his head on Ernst's shoulder.
Ernst Robel liked Hanschen Rilow. Ernst Robel Liked Hanschen Rilow.
Ernst gently played with Hanschen's hair, still marveling at the fact that it was so perfect. For a moment he wondered if Hanschen had fallen asleep again.
"Ernst" Hanschen said in a soft voice, barely loud enough for Ernst to hear. He probably wouldn't have if he wasn't focusing on Hanschen breathing.
Ernst made a small noise of acknowledgement, still playing with Hanschen's hair.
"I'm glad I met you" He said, still quiet, he was clutching onto Ernst's arm. Ernst could feel Hanschen's lips moving as he spoke.
"Me too"
*
The next day the boys woke up, with Ernst still entangled in Hanschen's arms, lord is this boy clingy. He couldn't complain though, because Hanschen was warm and he somehow had a calming presence. If you hand told Ernst a few months ago that Hanschen was calming he would have laughed in you're face.
"Hanschen?" Ernst was pulling his arm out of Hanschen's, laughing slightly as Hanschen tried to pull him closer.
"Hanschen, come on, you need to go home" Hanschen let out a groan before letting go of Ernst's arm.
"Just tell Thea I'm helping you study or something" Hanschen said as he pulled himself up off of Ernst's bed.
"No, I've gotta get you home" Ernst pulled gently on Hanschen's arm, trying to get him to do something other than just stand there and yawn.
*
By the time Thea picked Hanschen up the whole group chat was going wild.
Wendla was blowing up his phone, Anna was saying that Ernst shouldn't have slept with him (he didn't). Martha was just happy that the two had 'finally gotten together' (they hadn't).
"Goodbye Ernst" Hanschen said as he left the house, Thea was behind him as he walked down the sidewalk giving Ernst a thumbs up.
*
Monday after school Hanschen and Ernst went home, as usual, except this time Ernst was praying that the cold would make up for his blushing.
"Ernst, can I ask you something?" Hanschen asked, looking over at Ernst, who nodded.
"Did you like Bobby Mahler?" Ernst brain stopped functioning for a moment.
"What, no way, never have never will" Ernst said, probably making it sound like he did, but hey, its better than blurting out I couldn't because I like you. Hanschen gave him a disbelieving look. Ernst wasn't good with this stuff.
"I haven't liked anyone since the seventh grade" Ernst said, half true he hadn't looked someone since the seventh grade up until last night.
"Really?" Hanschen looked surprised.
"That's also when I came out" Ernst paused "maybe there's some correlation between the two"
"Quite possible, I think I vaguely remember that" Ernst nodded along, and before long they were at his corner.
The two stopped at the corner and talked some more, and soon Hanschen was back in Ernst's bedroom, which was actually clean this time.
"You said the last time you liked someone was in seventh grade?"
"Kinda"
"What the hell does kinda mean?" Hanschen asked with a scoff, or a laugh, its hard to tell with him.
"It means that if I said I liked someone now you'd think it was Mahler, but its not." Ernst said defensively
"Oh" Hanschen looked taken aback, Ernst wasn't usually defensive about stuff like that. Not that it had really existed before though.
"Anyways, do you want to watch a movie or something, go outside, I can make popcorn, or I think I have some strawberries in the fridge" Ernst asked, desperate to change the conversation before Hanschen pressed for more answers.
"What do you want? Hanschen questioned, looking up at Ernst. I want to kiss you but that's not an option, and I think I'm just overwhelmed since I haven't felt this way in years. God now I can't even think like a regular human.
Ernst suddenly became aware of the fact that he had to breathe, taking in a small gasp
"Movie sounds nice, I'll make popcorn, you can choose the movie" Ernst turned on the T.V. and threw Hanschen the remote.
Hanschen nodded before Ernst left the room, leaving the various medals hung on his door frame to rattle.
By the time Ernst brought the popcorn in Hanschen still hadn't chosen a movie.
"What's your opinion on horror movies?" Hanschen asked, seeming innocent.
"I absolutely despise them"
"Great" and with that Hanschen clicked on the first scary movie he could find.
*
Halfway through the movie and 3/4 way through the popcorn Ernst was clutching onto a pillow for dear life.
At first Hanschen laughed it off, but the last time Ernst had yelped Hanschen had placed his hand on Ernst's leg.
this boy is going to be the death of me. His moment of peace was gone though because there was yet another thing scared him.
Ernst didn't quite remember what happened after that because he spent the rest of the movie with his face smushed in the pillow.
"I'm sorry dude, If I'd known you hated horror movies that much I would've chosen something else"
"I told you I hated them" Ernst replied, in a monotone voice.
"Yeah, but I thought you meant you didn't like gory stuff, there wasn't any gore it that, still, I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you"
"Okay?" Ernst said, a little scared that 'making it up to you' meant another horror movie, or something much, much worse.
*
Soon, Hanschen coming over was just part of the routine, he walked Ernst home, stayed an hour or two (and sometimes the night if it was Friday), and left.
They did lots of different things, watched movies, complained about school, studied, they even started fixing up Ernst's old tree house when it got warmer. Although they couldn't really fit in it that well.
So when Hanschen pulled Ernst off of their usual route it came as a bit of a shock.
"Come on" Hanschen said, grabbing Ernst's hand, something that was common for the two to do, but still made Ernst feel like dying.
"Where are we going?" Ernst rolled his eyes, not wanting any diversions from their normal schedule.
"I'm making it up to you"
"Making what up? Wait, the movie?! Hansi that was months ago" yet another thing that had become common, the nicknames. That didn't help with well, everything going on in Ernsts mind, but hey, what did right?
"And I still feel bad, now come on my parents wont be home for the next five days, and Thea's out with Otto tonight" Hanschen said pulling Ernst's hand.
"Loser"
*
The two took the short route to Hanschen's house, making Ernst feel bad for making Hanschen go out of his way, but then again, he wasn't complaining.
"why won't your parents be home?" Ernst asked, after getting uncomfortable with the silence.
"I don't know, some convention thing in Tennessee" Hanschen led Ernst up to his familiar looking house, which he actually hadn't been in since the two started talking.
He started spending less and less time with the girls after school too, he was always at the sleepovers though. Painting nails, getting teased about Hanschen, and watching Mamma Mia would always be something that he did with the girls.
When Ernst stepped into Hanschen's house he felt.. odd. He had been here so many times with Thea, and yet he just started talking to Hanschen three months ago. He wondered what might have happened if he had said hi to Hanschen when Thea was showering one day, if the two would still be such close friends, if he would still like Hanschen. The world was weird like that sometimes.
"It feels kinda weird being here so early in the day" Hanschen noted as he walked into the kitchen, throwing a water bottle to Ernst. Ernst caught it, barely and then felt bad for making Hanschen come home later than most people would.
"I'll start the popcorn, you go to my room and wait, you know where it is, right" Ernst nods, walking up the stairs and sitting on Hanschen's bed. Hanschen was right about it feeling fake. Would it be weird to look around his room? Of course it would idiot, but that didn't stop him from scanning it, memorizing the layout. He had a desk in the corner of his room, and a bookshelf with enough books to keep someone entertained for a lifetime. Everything in Hanschen's room seemed to be in direct contrast with Ernst's, everything was neat and organized in here, while Ernst's things were scattered haphazardly on any open surface. It made Ernst wonder, what it be like to live with him, with the two being so different. his daydreams being cut short by Hanschen sitting down on the bed next to Ernst, he didn't know wether to be grateful or sad.
"Okay, ready?" Ernst nodded, hoping that Hanschen couldn't see the visible blush he had, just be a normal human for an hour or two okay.
Hanschen fiddled with the television for a moment before pulling out a clear DVD case, with something written on it in black sharpie, and put it in the console.
The video started with two kids, both blonde sitting on the ledge of a fence, no older than five.
"It that you?" Ernst asked excitedly, and judging on how red Hanschen's face was the answer was yes.
Thea threw her arms around the Hanschen and kissed him on the cheek, making an exaggerated 'mwah' sound. Hanschen's mom and dad cooed over the two, until Hanschen slipped slightly and the mom rushed to help, cutting the clip short. Then there was a clip of them at a recital, Thea dressed up as a ladybug, and Hanschen was nowhere to be seen, yet. The boys started coming out onto the stage, dressed as bee's, Hanschen looked absolutely miserable, but Thea was enjoying it.
The next clip was of them probably around sixth grade, right when Ernst had become friends with Thea. "First day of school" their mother said excitedly, Hanschen was wearing a fake smile, but Thea was bursting with excitement, she did the same move as the first video, pulling him in and kissing his cheek.
From beside him Ernst heard Hanschen laugh a bit, he turned to look at him, he was smiling. A real smile, not like the one in the video, but he also looked embarrassed. He was obviously regretting it, making Ernst feel guilty but hey revenge for the scary movie.
Ernst turned back to the video, which was still on the two in front of the school. Thea and Hanschen were talking with their mom about how excited they were, Hanschen just nodding along to what Thea said. The video of the two cut out abruptly, meaning the camera probably died, but the next clip came on just as fast. This one was much calmer, looking like maybe it wasn't planned. Thea and Hanschen were in the living room, probably early eighth grade, watching Beauty and the Beast. Hanschen was singing along to be our guest, with a very dramatic french accent with Thea dancing wildly behind him. Until she saw the camera and faked offense, making Hanschen turn around and gasp. "Mom!" The video stopped before the two had finished running up to their mother.
After that the videos became more distanced, only showing birthdays and occasionally a talent show where Thea danced. The last video on the tape must've been right before Hanschen and Ernst started walking together, because it was of that sunday they were at Wendla's. Picking up Thea, with his mother narrating, "Hans always insists on coming with us to pick up Thea, I think he has a crush" Hanschen looked over from the passenger seat and rolled his eyes, pushing the camera playfully before looking back out the window. Ernst noticed himself in the background, in his old sweatpants and tee-shirt hugging Thea goodbye. Had he known Hanschen was going to see him he might not've worn such unflattering clothes, but what can you do? Hanschen got out of the car to throw Thea's bags in the trunk and wave to the girls, before letting her take the passenger seat and sitting in the back huffing as his mom said something about shooting his shot.
The video stopped, and Ernst looked over to Hanschen who smiled and stared at the screen for a bit longer before turning to Ernst.
"I always thought you dyed your hair" Ernst said, running his hand through it, Hanschen pushed his hand back lightly.
"Nope, I was born stunning" Hanschen said jokingly
"There, now we've both suffered through movies that the other was absolutely elated about"
"I dont know Hans, you looked pretty happy"
"It isn't as embarrassing as I thought it would be but thats cause Thea isn't here to bully me" Hanschen, leaned back on his hands, finding warmth in a sunbeam coming through his window. It made his golden hair seem almost angelic, and his bone structure look like a sculpture, one of those Da Vinci ones, although its not like he knew a lot about sculpture.
Ernst watched as Hanschen finished stretching, something about how Hanschen looked at him made Ernst wonder. does he like me too? Ernst thought of the last video, how his mother accused him of having a crush on one of Thea's friends. He was one of Theas friends right?
Ernst leaned forward and kissed Hanschen, quick and panicked, not wanting to ruin everything. Maybe if he did it quickly he could blame it on a heat of the moment thing, although this wasnt really romantic in a it-was-an-accident type way.
Hanschen looked at Ernst, and laughed, right in his face.
Ernst got up, of course Thea was right, Hanschen is an asshole.
"Sorry" Ernst walked out of the room, thank got this wasn't at his house, if it was Ernst wouldn't be able to ever step foot inside his room again.
"Ernst? Come back" Hanschen said, following after him.
Ernst turned slowly, hoping that his eyes didn't spill over. He felt a tightness in his throat that you only feel when you're about to cry. He was hoping that it wasn't too obvious, and that when Hanschen said something about what had just happened Ernst still had some dignity.
"It took you long enough" And before Ernst could even question what that sentence meant Hanschen pulled him into a kiss. Fucking Hanschen and his cryptic mannerisms.
It wasn't panicked this time, this time it was sweet and delicate, like the small white flowers that grow in the countryside.
Hanschen pulled away slowly, his breathing was soft and slow, the two just stood there.
"I'll walk you home"