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San remembers everything, starting from day one. He remembers meeting Wooyoung for the first time. Wooyoung had just moved into the apartment complex and was quite shy compared to the extrovert he later got to know. San’s mother had forced him to greet the new neighbor. “He’s your age too!” Even Seonghwa who hated every breathing, living organism went to go say hi. If seonghwa could do it, so could he. San remembers knocking on the neighbor’s door, gripping his older cousin’s hand tightly in one hand and his younger brother’s in the other. There were soft footsteps followed by the clicking of the door unlocking. When opened, it revealed a small child with chubby cheeks. He timidly peered up at the two boys in front of him.
“Hey, you must be the new neighbor? I’m Park Seonghwa, and these are my cousins, Choi San and Choi Jongho. We live next door,” Seonghwa had said with a small grin. The little boy looked up at Seonghwa, immediately star struck. His eyes literally glittered. “Wooyoung,” is all he said before creeping back into the house. He hadn’t even spared San a glance. To say the least, San was just a bit butt hurt.
San remembers the day afterwards. He was coming home from the taekwondo studio that his father owned and had stopped by the local convenience store when he heard yelling from outside. The nine year old peeked his head out from behind the candy aisle when he saw a man, dragging a little boy by the ear. The boy struggled and when he turned his face, San felt his stomach drop.
“Wooyoung!” San cried. Without thinking, he rushed outside and sent a hard kick to the man’s abdomen. The man doubled over, letting go of Wooyoung. San hurriedly grabbed Wooyoung’s small hand and dragged him away as the man cursed at them. It wasn’t until they were safe in the parking garage of the complex that San realized he was still grabbing Wooyoung. He turned around to see the boy panting, sweat dripping off of his little forehead. For a nine year old he was quite small. With a closer examination, he saw bruises scattering his arms where his sleeve was rolled up, a cut from his knee when the man had dragged him.
“That was your dad, wasn’t it,” San blurted out. Wooyoung said nothing, only panting and wiping away the sweat. The two stood in silence. It wasn’t until they heard a car pulling into the garage that one broke the silence. “Seonghwa’s not here today,” was all Wooyoung said before heading inside the building. San followed quietly. The elevator ride was quiet until they reached the seventh floor where San got off. As he stepped off the elevator, he impulsively stopped the doors from closing and looked at the smaller boy. “Would you like to come eat dinner with us?”
From the day forward, Wooyoung would accompany San home whenever they met (which was frequent as Wooyoung was frequently dragged by the man next to the convenience store). It wasn’t until two months that this schedule started that Seonghwa’s mother started questioning things at home. Wooyoung didn’t attend the same elementary school as San which was odd as there was only one school within walking distance. Wooyoung was always starving when he came home with San, and would extend his stays with his neighbors after every stay. Seonghwa’s mother snapped when Wooyoung had mindlessly spoken during their daily dinner. Seonghwa had asked him what he learned at school (Wooyoung was still infatuated with the older boy) when Wooyoung said, “I don’t go to school. My dad can’t pay for it and my mom’s still looking for a job.” San stared at the boy with wide eyes.
“Actually, my dad says school’s a waste of time and money. He gets mad every time I bring it up,” Wooyoung had said while picking at his food. “Is that why you have all those bruises?” San blurted. He was immediately met with the whack in the head by Seonghwa and Jongho looked up from his nearly empty plate.
“Bruises? You have bruises?” Mrs. Park asked before getting up and slowly making her way towards Wooyoung. The said boy curled into his seat and started picking at his frays at the end of shirt. Taking that as a sign of discomfort, Mrs. Park backed away and started clearing the table in silence.
That was the last day Wooyoung came to their house for dinner.
San remembers walking into his new middle school, Seonghwa next to him. His collar was itchy and he hated the stiff pants. He stuffed his belongings into the designated locker and started making his way to his classroom. Sliding the door open, he sat down in the nearest empty seat when suddenly, he felt someone sit down next to him. Looking up, his eyes nearly popped out of his head.
“Jung Wooyoung?!” He yelled out. Wooyoung plugged his ears and flinched at the sudden noise. Some of the kids looked their way. “You- you, I thought you died,” San blurted out. Wooyoung rolled his eyes and started grabbing his textbooks for the first class. “You really need to fix your habit of blurting out things.” Wooyoung retorted. San gaped at the boy who had disappeared after that dinner two years ago. Right as he was about to question him even more, the home room teacher entered and began the class. The day was long, and all the teacher’s did was drag on and on and on. By the time the school day was finally over, San was fast asleep. He woke up by a loud thump of a book slamming next to his head. Startled, he jolted upwards to find Wooyoung grinning and ready to drop another textbook.
“What the hell is wrong with you,” San questioned. He groaned and stood up from his seat, stretching and shoving his belongings into his bag. The two made their way out of the classroom without saying much, only exchanging words when they went to go put away their slippers in the designated bins. As they made their way out of the school, they heard a loud, “San wait up!” Before Seonghwa came running up to them. “Oh, Wooyoung? How have you been?” Seonghwa asked when he spotted the younger. Wooyoung grinned at him and only answered with, “Good good.” San felt a pang of jealousy. He knew this feeling. It was always like this. San and Wooyoung were the ones that were the same age and San was the one that befriended Wooyoung first, but Wooyoung only smiled like this towards stupid good looking Park Seonghwa. The three started heading home before Wooyoung broke off from the group.
“Where are you going?” San questioned. “Dance academy. My mom made it mandatory for me to attend an academy so I just chose the first one on the list,” Wooyoung said. He waved at the two before heading over to the building across the street. San caught eye of a tall(super fucking tall) boy, waiting for Wooyoung by the entrance. “Mandatory? But-“
“San. Wooyoung’s dad was arrested last week on child abuse and alcohol abuse charges,” Seonghwa interrupted before San could continue his questioning.
San remembers his 13th birthday. Jongho was a little ass, shoving a cupcake into his face to wake up his older brother. The little shit head was ten times stronger than the average kid his age and it hurt. It really fucking hurt. Jongho cackled as San started cursing at him, blindly trying to claw the icing off his face. “Happy birthday Hyung!” He yelled before darting out of the room. San sat in silence, still trying to process what the hell had just woken him up from beauty sleep. He felt himself drooping off to sleep before a cold cloth brushed against his face. Before he could say anything, a familiar voice replied. “Stay still, the icing’s going to get onto the bed.” San stayed still and enjoyed the coldness of the water that was being brushed against his face. “All done.”
“Good morning Wooyoung,” San said brightly after the cloth was removed. His voice cracked just a little, but if Wooyoung noticed that, he pretended he didn’t. Wooyoung was a bit late with the whole voice drop during puberty thing, whereas San was having voice cracks every time he opened his mouth. “Good morning Sannie. It’s your birthday,” Wooyoung replied. “Yes, it is,” San said with a wide grin. Before Wooyoung could say anything, they heard Seonghwa’s mother yelling from the kitchen for San to hurry up and wash up. Wooyoung got up from his bed and made his way to the kitchen. “Hurry up you slow poke,” he teased. That’s all San remembers. Just the feeling of joy and warmth spreading through his body after seeing Wooyoung’s grin. That same grin that he only showed Seonghwa. That’s all he has to remember. On his 13th birthday, San woke up and was gifted Wooyoung’s smile.
San remembers almost kissing Wooyoung. The two were in one of the dance studios at Wooyoung’s dance academy and San had come to watch practice. This happened often these days as San had stopped attending his math academy and he had switched to being a TA for his father’s Taekwondo’s studio. The flexibility of his schedule allowed him to go and visit Wooyoung more often. Seonghwa was now in high school and with those grades plus his looks, he was guaranteed a successful future. His mother had already started looking into future college applications, but Seonghwa had recently been approached by a famous modeling agency. Not only was Seonghwa busy with trying to figure out what was more important, the boy was currently being hit on by a fellow classmate of his.
Kim Hongjoong was a sweet boy. He was a midget, even shorter than Wooyoung, and was the same age as Seonghwa. The two were friends from middle school from what San knew but that was the extent. He had only found out about the current situation when accidentally walked passed Hongjoong yelling at Seonghwa to “accept his confession for the fifteenth time in one week.” Seonghwa had just sighed before planting a kiss on Hongjoong’s forehead and walking back to their house. Hongjoong stuttered after the taller, literally jumping on his back. San was in shock. He didn’t know his cousin swung that way, not that it mattered.
Back at the studio, Wooyoung was ranting about the new dance instructor. “She sucks at counting the beat and like literally, if you’re gonna sing at least get the lyrics right,” Wooyoung grumbled before taking a swig of water. Yunho, one of Wooyoung’s friends from the academy laughed loudly. “She’s not that bad. You just miss Jimin, don’t you,” Yunho teased. Wooyoung laughed at the thought of their past instructor. “Facts, he was the best.” Even San had to agree. Although he wasn’t a student, he had visited so many times that Jimin had gotten to know his face. The teacher would always say hi and give him a can of soda before leaving to teach his next class. The three talked nonsense before an alarm went off on Yunho’s phone, signaling that it was time for him to leave. The other two usually went home with him but instead decided to stay behind. After a couple minutes, the two sat in comfortable silence. Wooyoung laid his head on San’s thighs, scrolling through his instagram feed. San was trying to take a nap against the wall when he gave up because of the thought that had been bothering him for the past few days.
“Hey Wooyoung, did you know that Seonghwa hyung likes guys?” San asked. Wooyoung kept scrolling through his phone. “Yeah, doesn’t he like Hongjoong hyung?” He responded nonchalantly. “What the fuck, you already knew?” San asked loudly. Wooyoung rolled his eyes, “Are you stupid?” Then San thought of another question. “But how are you so unbothered by it. Didn’t you have a crush on Seonghwa hyung?”
Wooyoung sat up quickly, disgust written all over his face. “Excuse me? Like? As in me having a crush on Seonghwa?” Wooyoung said with a grimace. San was confused. “Well yeah, you’ve always been super clingy with him and you always give him that stupid grin,” San replied. Wooyoung rolled his eyes for the second time and laid back down on San’s lap. “Now I know that you’re really stupid. It’s called admiration you dumbass, I never liked hyung. He’s like an older brother to me,” Wooyoung reasoned with his friend. San let this sink in before grabbing Wooyoung’s phone out of his hand. “The fuck-“
San had leaned down while Wooyoung instinctively sat up to grab his phone and now they were merely centimeters apart. San felt Wooyoung’s breath against his lips and felt his eyes tracing his face. Wooyoung has really pretty eyes , San thought before slowly leaning away and handing Wooyoung’s phone back. The two settled back into their conversation about Seonghwa and Hongjoong, but the memory of Wooyoung being that close to him was seared into his mind.
San remembers ever so clearly when he woke up to nothing but a single text from Wooyoung. He was usually spammed by him. He got up, something feeling very odd. Walking into the kitchen, he saw nobody but Seonghwa on the couch, sniffling into his hoodie. “Hyung? What’s wrong?” The older boy looked up and saw San standing in confusion. “Did you know?” Seonghwa asked. “Know what?”
“Wooyoung moved to America today.”
San felt his heart drop, his mind going back to the single text from Wooyoung. He didn't even bother to read it yet. He frantically opened his phone, reading the small message sent to him.
Hi Sannie!! This is Wooyoung. Sorry I couldn’t tell you, but I’m trusting auntie will deliver my belongings that I took back to you. I never realized how many hoodies I stole from you haha.. Stay safe while I’m gone and I’ll make sure to come back soon.
I love you -Wooyoung.
“Ha…” San laughed out loud. The single laugh turned into a fit of laughter. He couldn’t control himself. Before he could stop, his laughter turned into tears. His heart hurt too much and he felt the little air slipping. Sobs racked his body and he angrily threw his phone against the bed. “I love you too, jung wooyoung,” San cried in between sobs.
The following weeks were too hard. He couldn’t think about anything but Wooyoung. What was Wooyoung doing now? How was he doing? Is he scared? The thoughts filled his brain and he couldn’t focus. He was constantly in a state of spacing out and barely ate unless Jongho or Seonghwa force fed him. “Hyung, please,” was all Jongho would say before picking up the dirty clothes piling in San’s room and throwing them in the laundry. After two weeks of doing nothing but being in his room and sleeping, he opened his phone. Before he could back out, he blocked and deleted Wooyoung’s number, his instagram account, twitter, facebook, any source of connection that he could find. This is for the better, this is for the better. I have to move on , he repeated to himself. He could feel tears welling up all over again but he couldn’t stop now that he had already started.
San was 14 when his first love and best friend left him.
San convinced himself to move on. Nothing lasts forever. He entered high school shortly after Wooyoung’s move and made new friends, kept some old ones. Hongjoong and Seonghwa finally started going out and the two were starting to finalize their future after high school. San and Seonghwa had spent many hours and nights trying to figure out what Seonghwa wanted to do. He was smart enough to get into any of the top three national colleges, but he wanted to give modeling a serious try after landing some gigs throughout high school. Eventually, with the support from his mother, Seonghwa decided to not apply for college and instead signed with one of the top agencies internationally. Hongjoong on the other hand was majoring in music production and had picked up busking throughout high school, which had gained popularity very quickly. (Hongjoong later told San that the reason why he started busking was to see him smile again.)
After Wooyoung moved, San started to separate from Yunho naturally. San was surprised when he saw on social media to see that Yunho had decided to go to Yonsei University and pursue veterinary practice instead of majoring in practical dance. Yunho was most certainly talented enough to be a backup dancer for some big names. San’s high school years were fairly uneventful. He had made the national team for taekwondo, won some international competitions, landed himself a spot for the Olympic team; it was going pretty well. He did have some ups and down when he would be put out due to injuries or his grades were dropping to the point that it was threatening to his career. In times like these, he wished Wooyoung was still by his side. He wished that he could just ring up his other half and cry, but no, nothing lasts forever and this was for the better. He was now going to college on a full ride athletic scholarship and was still training. Jongho had recently graduated high school as well and man, was he thriving. Similarly to Seonghwa, Jongho had decided to take a break from college and step into the entertainment industry. He had been a trainee since his second year of high school and was now debuting in only a couple of months.
San smiled fondly at the photo of him and Jongho standing together at jongho’s graduation. Maybe it was time to really move on. After some hesitation, he uploaded the photo of the two on his instagram account. The first post in seven years after Wooyoung moved. With even more hesitation, he went and looked up all of Wooyoung’s accounts that he had previously blocked. Damn, Wooyoung looked really good. Like, really really really good. The most recent post was a simple mirror selfie of him in a dance studio. There were two other boys next to him, and San recognized one of them. San let out a loud laugh. Only Wooyoung could befriend a TikTok star. He unblocked Wooyoung’s instagram account, then his facebook. He stopped at using twitter long ago so there was no point in even re downloading the app. Lastly, he punched in Wooyoung’s phone number under the blocked list and unblocked his number. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but suddenly there was a ping of a message being received.
Confused, he realized the number was Wooyoung’s and frantically opened the app. A long message from his childhood best friend was right there, only sent an hour ago. Before he could read the whole thing, an instagram notification popped up.
@jwy.chumchum has commented on your post. “Why tf is Jongho so tall now :O”
San grinned to himself. Yes, it was time to move on, and yes, nothing lasts forever. But lucky for him, it looks like Wooyoung has no plans on leaving him any time soon.