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2021-01-11
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2022-01-04
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8/?
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Again

Chapter 8: guilty (the first death)

Summary:

The first casualty of the third killing game loop is revealed to Shuichi. Investigating seems so familiar to him, but everything is so different...

Notes:

hello everyone!!! happy new year and happy holidays :D

sorry this chapter took so long to get done, ehe! i kept planning on sitting down and doing it but things got super busy at the end of the year, and then i got covid. that was not fun. on the bright side, i can get my booster shot now!

anyways, enough about why i procrastinated too much.

this chapter was a little bit of a challenge for me. i wasn't sure at first how i should go about handling it. but i feel as though danganronpa doesn't give the ultimates any time to grieve before throwing them into class trials - this either rushes the process of grief or keeps them in a constant state of denial. so i did my best to treat the situation as someone in shuichi's place mental state would! i hope it turned out well :)

shuichi hadn't really processed the fact that he was stuck in a time loop before this chapter. kaede's death seems to be a good catalyst for this realization! however, he hasn't REALLY thought about it yet... it's a process, trust me. (i have no idea what i'm doing) so uh... yeah, here's the chapter. hope you guys enjoy :D

additionally, please note that shuichi is biased against himself and largely blames himself for kaede's death. as he is the narrator, the descriptions are influenced by his thoughts and opinions. (personally i think he has done nothing wrong ever in his life except that one really mean thing he said to kokichi /j)

this chapter was not beta read because my cousin was tired and i was impatient.

content warnings for this chapter: heavy focus on death, disassociation, self-hatred/self-worth issues, moderately graphic blood gore. please let me know if i should add any other warnings!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Those words. Those horrible, horrible words. Gods, Shuichi never wanted to hear those words again.

And yet, here he was. Was this chance to try everything again just a cruel way for Despair to torment him again? It seemed so, as he processed Monokuma’s shrill cackle.

He could hear his heartbeat pulse through his skull. Who was it? Rantaro, again? Ryoma? Miu? Kokichi? Maki?

It couldn’t be them, it just couldn’t. Miu, Kokichi, and Maki were all he had now, the only friends that he remembered. If they were dead…

No, he didn’t know who was dead. He looked down at his hands fastening the top button of his jacket - when had he started getting changed, again?

They were shaking. His hands.

It didn’t matter. He was the Ultimate Detective, he had to go solve whatever fucked up murder had happened this time. It was an expectation at that point.

Shuichi reached for the doorknob and flung the door open, resolving to make haste to the location where the body was found. The library…

It didn’t matter that the library was where the first body was found in the first game. It didn’t matter that his best friend ended up dead because of it. This was a new game, history wasn’t repeating itself.

But if that was true, then why was Shuichi’s chest hurting so much? Why were breaths so difficult to take?

“Get yourself together,” He mumbled, shaking his head rapidly as he ran through the hallway. He’d gotten to the main building so quickly; was it really such a short walk?

Whatever. He still had to find out who was dead.

…Was he the first one there? Shuichi whipped his head around him, then registered the sound of footsteps behind him. Good.

Shuichi ran through the library doorframe, ignoring the sound of Monokuma explaining the class trials over the loudspeaker, noting the open door, and-

Oh, gods.

No.

It was Kaede.

With Rantaro. Again.

But, this was different… Rantaro was shaking, his face dripping with tears and his arms supporting Kaede. Kaede’s gaze was lifeless, her head deformed and her blood dripping into a puddle of pink on the floor. Her hair was matted and her skin was pale. Her mouth was slightly open, and blood dripped out to join the puddle. Rantaro either didn’t know or didn’t care about the substance staining his clothes.

“What…” Shuichi whispered. “What happened?” He ignored his rising panic.

Rantaro didn’t seem to hear him. He clutched Kaede even tighter. “Kaede,” He choked out, his voice small and raspy. Shuichi waited to hear him speak again. He did not. Instead, his breathing became more irregular.

Oh, right. He was close with Kaede. Shuichi ignored the surge of jealousy and the cries in the back of his mind that told him to break down with him. He stepped forward hesitantly. Dead she’s dead she’s dead she’s dead she’s-

“Rantaro?” Shuichi said, a little louder than before. “Rantaro, I need you to listen to me for a moment here.” He had no idea what he was doing. He kept his gaze firmly on Rantaro's face.

Rantaro’s head snapped up, his eyes unfocused and wild. “Are you the mastermind? Are you the reason she set the trap anyway?” He said angrily.

Shuichi let out a breath. She had set the trap again. But this time, she had fallen victim to it herself. That’s right she’s dead you fucking idiot you couldn’t prevent her dea-

Or, perhaps she had not. Judging by the bloodstains on the ground, she was in motion while the ball was approaching her head. Velocity must have been over- well, he didn’t know the mass of the ball, but it had to have been over 2,300 newtons of for-

“Answer me.” Rantaro said.

Shit, right, Rantaro was freaking out. He should help. “Um,” Shuichi said, hunching back. “I don’t-”

“Don’t play dumb with me, asshole. Are you the mastermind? Are you the reason Kaede is fucking dead?” Rantaro’s voice rose in volume.

Shuichi froze. Dead.

Kaede was dead. Kaede was dead, again, despite his efforts to prevent it.

Did that mean it wasn't his fault-? No. That wasn’t what he was supposed to be thinking about. He had more pressing matters to attend to. Like the fact that- “She’s dead.” Shuichi said, his voice sounding very far away.

“Yes,” Rantaro spat. "Going to accuse me, Ultimate Detective?"

Shuichi shook his head. “I don’t think you killed her,” He said quietly. “You’re not running away, so you’re not guilty, at least.”

Rantaro’s face turned away as if he’d been slapped. “She shoved me out of the way of the trap,” He said, his eyes wet. “She couldn’t get out of the way in time.”

Shuichi sucked in a breath. The panic rose in his throat.

The sound of footsteps interrupted him. Voices exclaimed in horror, shock, and disgust as they processed the sight in front of them. A hand was placed on Shuichi’s arm.

“Shuichi?” Maki. It was Maki. The sounds of other people talking faded to the background as her voice approached him. “Breathe.” Wait, was he having a panic attack? No, he couldn’t be, Rantaro was the one who needed to be comforted, he didn’t deserve this, this was all his fault-

“Will you all just fucking stop for a moment?!” Rantaro screamed. The students abruptly fell silent.

Shuichi exhaled, then shook himself off. He turned around to face the crowd. “He’s right, everyone. I know this is a shock, and Kaede is-” He paused. dEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD- “-But we need to stay calm and act rationally.” Shuichi finished.

“I guess Shuichi knows what he’s doing, nyeh,” Himiko said, tilting her head. “He is the Ultimate Detective, after all…” A title he did not deserve.

“If Himiko thinks so, I think so too!” Tenko, you absolute simp. But a little space would be nice, especially for Rantaro. Speaking of which…

“Rantaro?” Shuichi said quietly. “Do you think you’d be able to tell me what happened here?” He approached Rantaro subtly, making sure to mind any sudden movements.

“I don’t- Kae is dead, and she-” Rantaro stopped. “She set a trap for the mastermind and laid in wait for them to show up.” He met Shuichi’s gaze. “I came down to investigate. She thought I was the mastermind in the dim light.”

Oh. It was just like before... No, stay calm. Think logically and rationally about the task in front of you.

Shuichi nodded. “Then she pushed you out of the way, right?” He kneeled down next to Rantaro. “Did the projectile hit you at all?”

Rantaro shook his head. “She tackled me onto the ground.” He slumped his shoulders. “If she hadn’t intervened…”

“I see,” Shuichi said. “Rantaro, you were close with Kaede, right?”

Rantaro nodded slowly. “Yes. She was my best friend. Why?”

Shuichi bit his lip. “It’s clear you aren’t the murderer. At least, if you are, you’re a very, very talented actor. And, well,” He paused, looking at Rantaro. “I don’t think investigating Kaede’s death would be good for you, given the fact you were so close.”

Rantaro’s expression hardened. “What is there to investigate? She protected me from the blow.” He glared at Shuichi. “And why aren’t you more suspicious of me?”

Shuichi swallowed. “I know. I trust you, but I don’t think the other students will. I wanted to get your side of the story before collecting evidence.” He looked at Kaede’s body, then sharply looked back up at Rantaro’s face. He pushed down the nausea building in his stomach. “As for suspicion… I know what it feels like to lose a good friend. People process in different ways.”

Rantaro looked as if he wanted to question Shuichi further, but fell silent. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Shuichi said with false cheer, trying to smile. He wasn’t successful.

Rantaro shifted. “I… I need to get up, right? So you can… investigate the scene?” He winced. Shuichi shook his head.

“No, you don’t need to. But I can’t imagine you enjoy seeing her like this,” He said, immediately grimacing at how his words came out. Was that manipulative?

Rantaro nodded, gently guiding Kaede’s head to the floor. “I’m sorry, Kae,” He whispered, his eyes closed as he placed his hand on her forehead. A shaky breath followed, and Shuichi felt as if he were intruding on something.

“She deserves a proper burial,” Rantaro said quietly, bitterness in his tone. Shuichi made a noise of agreement.

“Yes. She deserves more than what that stupid bear will give her,” Shuichi spat, then immediately realized his mistake.

Rantaro gave him a curious glance. “Huh. Guess that makes two of us, then?”

Two of-? Shuichi watched Rantaro as he walked to the exit of the library. Oh, that’s right - Rantaro had experienced another killing game as well. That experience was common between them both.

Shuichi smiled bitterly. Two of them, indeed.

-

The moment Rantaro stepped out of the scene, Shuichi was bombarded with questions.

“Shuichi, who did this to her?!”

“...What happened?”

“Kehehe, an interesting turn of events… What do you think has occurred, Ultimate Detective?”

“Atua says he would like to know who murdered Kaede!”

“Is Rantaro guilty? I knew it! That degenerate male was suspicious!”

“Gonta thinks we should let Shuichi talk!”

“The only talking he should be doing is explaining what happened here-”

Shuichi sighed. “Everyone, please calm down. I don’t know who did it, I’ve only gotten Rantaro’s side of the story.” He looked to the side. “Also, I’m not the only one permitted to do investigations. However, if you do, I’d recommend keeping the murder scene as close to its original state as possible.”

And the post-murder investigation frenzy began. Shuichi winced as people crowded around the body, looking at evidence. Yeah, the scene would not be the same as before, that was a given.

Maki tapped his shoulder. “Alright, detective man. What’s the verdict?”

“You too?” Shuichi groaned. “I don’t know, Maki, I don’t have enough evidence.” He sighed. “I’m pretty sure Rantaro was telling the truth. He’s a suspicious character, but was never directly untruthful in the last loops,” He said. “However, he didn’t have much time before his death, so who knows what he’s like?”

Maki nodded. “Alright. Kokichi’s in the evidence gathering crowd right now, so he can report back with anything of note that you might have missed.”

“Oh, that’s great, I’ll have to thank him for thinking of that,” Shuichi smiled. He thought he heard a whisper of down bad from Maki, but decided to ignore it for the sake of his mental health.

Shuichi turned his gaze upwards, at the scattered books above the shelves. “The question is, did Kaede utilize the books again for the trap?” He muttered, tapping his chin absentmindedly.

“Analyzing the way the books are placed, yes,” Maki answered firmly. “I checked as you were interrogating Rantaro.”

Oh, thought Shuichi. Maybe I don’t need to do this alone.

“Thank you,” Shuichi whispered, his voice filled with surprise. “I guess it helps that you knew about what happened last time.”

Maki studied him for a moment, her face unreadable. “You’re not used to getting help with these, huh.”

Shuichi’s face flushed. “I- no, I had help, before, I just-”

“Save it,” Maki said, shaking her head mockingly. “It’s alright to rely on other people too,” She continued, her voice a little softer.

Shuichi watched as she climbed the ladder on the bookcase, frozen. He shook himself out, and looked back at the scene of the crime.

Kaede was well liked, really - many of the students were treating her with the respect she deserved. Her eyes had been closed, and Angie seemed to be praying, her usual smile replaced with a focused frown.

Shuichi had never really noticed how the others had treated the murder victims. It was good to know that some of them were solemn about it.

Kaede deserved that, at least.

Shuichi was shaken out of his stupor by a loud sound. It seemed someone in the crowd had opened the moving bookcase - the heavy shelf that had been ajar was now rotated, revealing the mechanism underneath.

It was so loud. Why was everyone shouting so loudly? He didn’t remember there being this much shouting when he was investigating befo-

Oh. The last investigation had only consisted of 4 other people. That’s why it was unfamiliar.

It was a sobering realization, honestly. Shuichi supposed it clicked, then- He was really back. He had gone back in time, and his friends were alive, and Kaede was dead.

Kaede was dead, which meant there was to be a class trial. A class trial meant gathering evidence, analyzing the clues, and determining the series of events that took place. A class trial meant an execution.

Same old routine, huh?

Shuichi had a murder to solve.

Notes:

"...Ren? You're ba- Ren?! Oh my god-"

"D- dad-?"

"Ren, hold on, I've got you, you're okay-"

"...Mmkay..."

"We're getting you to the hospital now, alright?"

"...m..."

"You'll be fine, Ren, hang in there."

"..."

"The forces of Despair have been hurt by your actions... You did so well."

"..."

"...Kiri and I are so, so proud of you."

"..."

"I'm sorry, Ren. This is our fault, huh?"

"..."

"...Sleep, kiddo, you deserve a rest."