Chapter Text
"You invited Yoonsung?" Namjoon asked, incredulous.
Namjoon and Hoseok had been celebrating their mating anniversary every single year unfailingly. It wasn't anything grand. They just liked to invite their friends, Jeongguk and Jimin, for a meal. Most couples would prefer celebrating it alone, spending quality time together but they weren't like most couples. And this year wasn't any different, they invited their friends too. Except, there was an addition.
Yoonsung.
"Of course, I invited him! Baby, he's my friend too—he's your friend." Hoseok looked over his shoulder to peek at Jimin and Yoonsung who were left at the table, both looking confused. Namjoon excused himself and dragged Hoseok to the kitchen as soon he saw Yoonsung enter with Jimin.
"I know, baby, but we don't usually invite him." Namjoon frowned.
He was right. They didn't invite him last year, or the year before that. They never invited him because he used to be nothing but a close acquaintance but things had changed in a short amount of time.
Hoseok huffed. "There's always a first for everything."
"But Jeongguk will be here, too. Did you even think of that? What if he and Yoonsung—what if they—" Namjoon sighed. "What do you think Jeongguk would feel?"
Hoseok could literally feel the heat travel from his toes to his fucking head. "Well, Jeongguk can suck it the fuck up. He and Jimin aren't dating anymore. Why should I care about how he feels when he didn't even bother to care about how Jimin would feel when he abandoned him just like that? Tell me—"
Namjoon was aware of how much Hoseok cared for his friend, and it was only natural for his mate to react this way. He pressed their lips together to shush him. Hoseok was getting too loud, carried away by his emotions.
Thankfully, Yoonsung was smart enough to catch on to what was happening, distracting Jimin with a stupid magic trick to which Jimin responded in awe of. As gullible as a child.
"Baby, I need you to calm down." Namjoon pleaded, holding Hoseok carefully by the shoulder. Hoseok was about to retort something again. "Please?"
"So annoying," he rolled his eyes. Namjoon leaned down to match Hoseok's eye-level and left a peck on his cheek. Hoseok smiled, always so weak to his mate's charm.
"Jeongguk… he's suffering too—believe it or not—he is. I've been the only one who he can talk to so believe me when I say this is hard for him, too. The night when the Dalbit visited our pack, I overheard him fighting with his parents, and I don't know if I should say this but—Jeongguk—he's doing something. I think he's doing something. Let's just hope everything works out."
"I don't want Jimin to get his hopes up."
"He won't because you won't tell him anything. Okay, baby?"
Nodding, Namjoon left another kiss on his cheek before they went back to their seats, smiling as if nothing happened. Yoonsung was looking at them with questioning eyes but he didn't dare voice them out while Jimin was cluelessly smiling at them.
"What happened?" Jimin asked.
"Nothing." Hoseok replied, but when Jimin narrowed his eyes at him he said, "I think our Joonie is a little excited for tonight's show ."
When it occurred to Jimin what he meant, his face turned beet red, screaming blasphemies at Hoseok, and making everyone in the room laugh at his cuteness.
It had been almost three days since Jimin had last seen Jeongguk. Three days since he hadn't come 'home'. Three days after the night he saw them dancing while holding each other.
That night, going home was the last thing in Jimin's mind. He didn't think he was wanted there—no, he wasn't. So, he asked Hoseok if he could stay the night. Luckily, his friend didn't ask why, he just welcomed him with open arms.
There were actually rumors that Jeongguk brought Mi Dam to their cabin. Jeongguk brought his future mate to their cabin. There were rumors that they slept together. Jeongguk might have held another omega the way he used to hold him. Jimin imagined their bodies exploring each other under the blankets. Limbs intertwined, hearts in sync. Warm and intimate.
But who cares, it wasn't any of Jimin's business who Jeongguk slept with. Jimin told himself he didn't care if Jeongguk fucked another omega. An omega who was his future mate. Jimin wouldn't be surprised if Jeongguk and Mi Dam had already been intimate. The omega was undeniably gorgeous, and irresistible. He wondered if Jeongguk had left a mark on Mi Dam's neck, and that thought alone drove Jimin mad with sadness, and anger.
Whenever he and Jeongguk made love, Jeongguk touched him at all the right places. He knew what Jimin loved, where Jimin wanted it but there was always hesitation from Jeongguk. He always held himself back. When Jimin confronted him about it, Jeongguk admitted that he was afraid he'd accidentally mate Jimin, as if mating Jimin repulsed him. Sometimes, Jimin wished Jeongguk would just say fuck it and sink his teeth into his neck. But he knew Jeongguk would never defy his duty as the pack’s alpha.
Jimin was seeing Jeongguk today for the first time in three days, and the way his heart beat loudly in his chest infuriated him to no extent. Even more so because he had no control over it.
Jimin knew Jeongguk had arrived from the way his smell of damp moss, dried leaves, and tree trunks sneaked up to him
"I'm sorry for being late. I had matters to attend to." Jeongguk apologized as soon as he entered the room.
"Don't fret! You're just on time." Namjoon answered assuredly.
Everyone got up from their seats to bow to Jeongguk, their soon-to-be pack alpha. Jeongguk inwardly groaned at them.
"You know that you don't have to do that. Besides, it feels so fake when you guys do it."
"We pay you respect, and you say it's fake. I see how it is." Namjoon chuckled.
"You're my friends, for fuck's sake."
"Whatever you say, Mr. Pack Alpha." Hoseok snorted.
"Let's take our seats and eat, please. I'm starving." Namjoon said.
Jeongguk took his seat across from Jimin who was adamant about avoiding eye contact. Yoonsung was sitting beside Jimin. Hoseok was next to Namjoon who was beside Jeongguk.
When Jeongguk's eyes landed on Yoonsung, and the latter held eye contact, the tension became so palpable in the air that Hoseok clutched on Namjoon's tunic to ask him for help, and Namjoon mouthed a calm down, it's okay. Yoonsung broke into one of his goofy smiles that Jeongguk reciprocated stiffly, successfully dissolving the tension, at least from Yoonsung’s end.
They finally decided to eat. The couple claimed they didn’t prepare much, just enough for the three of them but Jimin thought they prepared a whole fucking feast. Hoseok prepared Namjoon’s favorite seolleongtang, and hoddeok. There was bulgogi and undoubtedly, kimchi. The feast would be incomplete without it. Jimin grinned at Hoseok when he saw a plate of steamed rice cake. He remembered whining to his friend about craving some. Hoseok winked back at him.
Jimin didn't hesitate to dig in, he was starving. He had been too preoccupied with other things lately that he barely had the appetite or the time to eat properly and his stomach probably wanted to punish him for it, and so it growled. Everyone’s eyes were suddenly on him, and they were all sporting a surprised expression that shortly turned into merriment, except Jeongguk. He seemed troubled.
“Oops, I’m sorry,” Jimin simpered, not apologetic at all.
“It’s alright, eat—” Jeongguk was about to put more beef in Jimin's bowl but Yoonsung beat him to it.
“Eat up!” Yoonsung beamed, ruffling Jimin’s hair.
Jimin stiffened but then smiled at him gingerly. “Thanks.”
Jeongguk stabbed his chopsticks in his bowl of food, startling the scaredy-cat Hoseok. Jimin gulped, feeling Jeongguk’s anger rolling off of him in waves.
Throughout the whole exchange, Jeongguk’s eyes were fixed on them, jaw clenched tightly. He wasn’t subtle about the way he glared at Yoonsung or at the places where his hand had touched Jimin. Hoseok and Namjoon shared a look, eyes both wide. Namjoon was able to stay neutral headed about it, but Hoseok wasn’t Namjoon. He pursed his lips to hide his smile but the way his cheeks protruded made it so obvious. Yoonsung was the only one who didn’t seem bothered. Jimin focused on chewing the sticky rice cake, he was too hungry for this shit.
Everyone thanked Hoseok for the feast he had prepared. Although it was a given that Namjoon didn't help cook because that man couldn't even cut an onion properly for the life of him but they thanked him anyway.
"What are you guys thanking me for?" Namjoon laughed.
"For washing the meat, and veggies so well." Jimin chided.
"Hey!"
Everyone giggled at their banter. Namjoon might look like a tough alpha, and Jimin was initially intimidated by him, but he was a softie, a gentle alpha.
"Oh, there's steamed rice cake," Yoonsung realized belatedly. "Jimin, weren't you craving for some?" He asked rhetorically and then picked up some to place on the omega's bowl.
"How did you know that? Are you spying on me?" Jimin squinted his eyes and ate the rice cake Yoonsung put on his bowl.
"I know everything about you." Yoonsung smirked. Jimin pinched his side.
"Ow!"
After a while, Jimin's eyes strayed to Jeongguk, and he noticed that the alpha wasn’t really eating. He was just poking the food with his chopsticks that he was holding too tightly. He occasionally picked up bits of his food, and chewed them tardily. He didn’t look at Jimin anymore but he was still upset, at least that much was obvious. Jimin wanted to reach out to him, and tell him it wasn’t what he thought it was. An upset Jeongguk was never Jimin’s favorite, but he supposed it didn't matter.
The duration of the meal was pleasant, except for the brooding alpha sat across from him. It went so much better than he had expected. He was afraid that someone would mention Jeongguk’s mating, and Jimin would have to deal with the pain while facing Jeongguk. Thankfully, his friends were sensitive enough to not to mention anything about it, and mostly stuck to mundane, light topics.
Amidst their dining table conversation, Jimin started to feel a sharp pain in his stomach. It could only be because he ate too much, and too quickly. It was uncomfortable, to say the least, but Jimin managed by rubbing soothing circles on his tummy while still being completely involved in the conversation.
After another half hour, Yoonsung left for the pack duties that he was actually late for. Then Jeongguk followed.
"I have to leave, too," Jeongguk's gaze landed on Jimin who was resting his head down on the table. Jeongguk would have thought he was asleep if he hadn’t seen his hand moving on his stomach. He averted his gaze. "Thanks for the meal." He said to Hoseok and Namjoon before walking out the door.
"I have to go too, baby," Namjoon said, kissing a pouty Hoseok.
"Bye."
There was a bit more shuffling. Jimin could hear the sound of the bowls, and plates clattering, Hoseok was clearing the table. Jimin wanted to help but maybe after the pain in his stomach lessened. Then he could offer to wash the dishes.
"Jimin, are you dead?" Hoseok asked.
"I wish."
Hoseok chuckled. "But seriously, what's wrong? You've been like that since Kook left. Miss him already?"
Jimin groaned but didn't bother lifting his head up. "No! I think I have indigestion."
"Take a shit?"
"I think I'm… constipated too." Jimin said, embarrassed. What a way to start the day.
Hoseok had the audacity to fucking laugh. "Tough luck."
It was moments like this that Jimin regretted befriending Hoseok. Unless someone was in a life or death situation, he couldn't rely on him to be serious. Jimin let him be, though, so used to it.
Jimin left for the spare room in the cabin that he had been staying in. Lying down wouldn't help his stupid stomach ache so he plopped himself on the edge of the mattress instead, still rubbing his stomach hoping it would do something. He could go out, and ask for some tea from the healers but that would require him to go out and he didn't want to. He wasn't ready to face the judgemental stares or the ridicule he might get from some of the pack members, not that he wasn't used to it. His stomach be damned.
He was so close to ramming his head into the wall when someone knocked on the door.
"Hoseok, I swear—" Jimin started, ready to yell at his friend just in case he tried to make fun of him but then he remembered that Hoseok never knocked. "Uhm, who's there?"
"Can I come in?"
Jimin froze at the voice. He was expecting anyone but Jeongguk. His heart started to race uncontrollably, much to his chagrin. He punched his own chest weakly, hoping his heart would calm down a little.
"Okay?"
And then Jeongguk came into sight. He had seen Jeongguk not even an hour ago but seeing him like this, when they were alone in a room, felt different.
"Did you need anything?" Jimin asked. Jeongguk didn't answer, instead he stepped forward and closer to Jimin to pull his hand where he was absentmindedly digging his left thumbnail onto the flesh of his right arm, again. Jimin then followed Jeongguk's gaze at his arm and there he saw a small but visible cut. He had no idea it existed in the first place. Lately, he had no time for anything but zoning out. "Oh, sorry. Force of habit," he said, covering the cut.
Jeongguk just sighed before carefully handing Jimin a teacup with what looked like chamomile tea. "I asked the healers for something that can help with stomach pain, and they gave me this. Drink it, alright? Your tummy should feel fine after. If it doesn’t, then tell m-me."
For a moment, Jimin was just looking at Jeongguk, flabbergasted. He was so sure no one noticed, but here Jeongguk was. Jimin felt like he could cry right there and then. Jeongguk was not supposed to care. He shouldn't care. He shouldn't make Jimin feel like he cares. But then again Jeongguk would probably do the same for his friends. He was a kind alpha like that.
He took the teacup from Jeongguk's hand and mumbled, "Thanks."
Jimin expected Jeongguk to leave in an instant but much to his misery, he stayed unmoving. He was still standing in front of Jimin.
"Are you going to guard me to make sure I drink the tea?" Jimin forced a laugh. Jeongguk didn't respond.
"When will you come home?" Jeongguk asked, voice barely a whisper. Jimin had to strain his ears to hear what he said. Jeongguk avoided his gaze as soon as the words left his mouth, finding a sudden interest in the floor.
The question came as a surprise to him, and his heart almost fluttered at the thought that Jeongguk wanted him to be home, to be with him. But then he caught a whiff of someone else's scent on Jeongguk.
Mi Dam.
How close must they have been for the omega's scent to cling this much to Jeongguk? Jimin did not wish to know.
"Please, come home?" Jeongguk pleaded, and oh God his voice. His voice made Jimin weak. Made him want to give in.
Jimin placed the teacup on the bedside table with trembling hands. "I want you to leave."
"Jimin—"
" Now !"
"I will. I—Just please tell me if your stomach—"
Jimin brought his hands by his side to brace for the waves of shivers that were ready to spill out the dam inside him.He could feel his jaws and teeth clenching to contain himself, but the overwhelming feeling consumed him. "Fucking leave!"
His eyelashes began fluttering to fight the heavy tear droplets when he saw Jeongguk fumbling with his hands, clearly unable to speak. The cold chills grew colder and sharper with its prickles when Jimin watched Jeongguk break their eye contact to slowly turn on his heels and walk out of his sight. Exactly how Jimin worded out.
Jimin immediately regretted raising his voice at Jeongguk like that. He hated the way he made Jeongguk flinch. He hated the way Jeongguk looked scared of him. Jimin didn't mean to snap at Jeongguk but as soon as that scent hit his nose, he just… lost it.
It was times like this that Jimin longed for his mother the most. He wished she was still here so he could run to her, and tell her about all the things that hurt and have her pet his head as he cried like she did when he was a pup.
Maybe he should've listened to his mother when she told him not to pursue Jeongguk because it will bring him nothing but heartbreak. Jimin had been stubborn, and he had claimed he could handle anything for the man that he loved.
But right now, he was starting to doubt it.
Days passed by in a blink, and Jimin couldn't even remember living through them. He was simply going through motions, doing the same things every single day without fail.
His days consisted of waking up in the morning, taking a bath, eating breakfast if he was in the mood for it or if Hoseok nagged him so much that he had no choice but to relent, reading books to the pups, hanging out with Hoseok and Yoonsung at the gardens, go back to the cabin, sleep.
He still hadn't come home. Still refused to see Jeongguk. He even asked Hoseok—who couldn’t lie for crying out loud—to lie to Jeongguk whenever he came looking for him. Jimin thought that avoiding Jeongguk would make him feel better. He thought that by detaching himself from Jeongguk, he was doing himself a favor, that this way, it would be easier to move on and forget him. But ironically, the more he avoided Jeongguk, the urge to be with him became stronger. The more he tried to detach himself from Jeongguk, the more he felt for him.
It was foolish of him to believe that he could suddenly unlove the only person he cherished, and cared for his whole life.
Right now, all Jimin wanted was to be free of the unrelenting pain, and hurt inside him but he didn't think he'd be granted that anytime soon.
After finishing another blissful day with the pups, Jimin started arranging the books in the room like he usually did. He was peacefully doing this task when an omega who came to fetch a pup, one he didn't recognize, suddenly came up to him and asked if he was Park Jimin.
"Yes. Can I help you?" he replied, a smile etched on his face despite feeling confused with the randomness of the situation.
"So you're Jeongguk's lover? Or should I say ex-lover?" He tucked the strands of his jet black hair behind his ears coquettishly with a smirk. It was almost sinister.
He was confused, yes, but not surprised. He had expected this. That was all people ever knew him for. Jeongguk’s beta. Jeongguk’s suitor. Jeongguk’s ex-lover. Not Park Jimin. Not Jimin.
"You shouldn't address him like that. Have some respect." Jimin replied to avoid the question but also to remind the omega that addressing Jeongguk so crudely could get him punished.
"Is it true that you courted Jeongguk? You? A beta? You surely have some guts, don't you?" he cackled. "I don't even know what he saw in you."
Jimin was almost done tidying up the room, he could just ignore the omega, and get out of here.
"My mother told me I shouldn't be like you," the omega continued with so much distaste it stunned Jimin.
“What is that supposed to mean?" he snarled.
"She told me I shouldn't be like you. A desperate little bitch."
Jimin saw red.
"I'm so fucking proud of you for leaving a huge fucking gash on that asshole's face!" A voice snapped Jimin out of his reverie.
He scoffed. "You are?"
"You bet I am! That was well deserved, that month-old starving asshole had it coming right at his fucking—"
"Ouch! Careful!" he winced when Hoseok pressed too hard on the cut on his cheek.
"Oops, sorry. Got carried away," Hoseok was not apologetic at all. "But seriously though, good serve," he giggled.
Jimin didn't expect Hoseok to lecture him about not fighting with other pack members because his friend firmly believed it was important to stand up for yourself if you were in the right. Besides, if Hoseok was there, that poor omega would be sporting more than just a scar.
He would surely get in serious trouble for being involved in a fight with his packmate but he could care less.
"You stopped me though."
"I want you to fight for yourself, but I'm not really interested in helping you bury a dead body. That’s heavy work," Hoseok patted his head gently as if he didn't just speak about murder.
"I wasn't going to kill him!" Jimin protested.
"Sure, babe." Hoseok had managed to patch up the wounds on his face with some salve he made himself. Jimin was no skilled hunter but he knew how to fight. "Don't think too much about it. He deserved what he got for running that filthy mouth."
Jimin nodded, his wolf was satisfied but he was restless.
“You don’t seem pleased?”
After his brawl with the omega, Jimin was left depleted. He had been holding everything in so well but maybe it took that omega calling him names, words that he had heard for the umpteenth time for him to finally realize that he couldn’t take it anymore. He was tired of pretending that the cruel words they threw at him didn’t affect him. He was tired of pretending that it didn’t hurt. So tired of pretending to be strong.
He was tired of loving Jeongguk.
“Hey, why are you crying? Did I press too hard again? Does it hurt that much?” This time Hoseok did sound worried.
“Hm. It hurts," he said as tears rolled down his face.
Jimin rushed back to what he dared to call his former home as soon as Hoseok finished nursing his wounds. He had made up his mind, and he should’ve done it way sooner but only now did he gain enough courage to finally do it.
He was leaving.
Leaving the cabin. Leaving Jeongguk. Probably leave the pack, too. He wasn’t sure about anything. He just didn’t want to be here anymore.
He presumed that now was the perfect time to do it. Jeongguk was too busy with his pack duties and the mating ceremony preparations that was taking place in less than two weeks to stop Jimin from leaving, and this way he didn’t have to say goodbye. Not that Jeongguk would stop him nor would he care if he was leaving.
Jimin opened his drawer, and shoved whatever he found inside it in his bag. Whatever of his small pile of tunics, some of his oils, and then he went to their small pantry for some leftover food. Then he went back to his drawer to get a coat for the cold nights while he travels to god knows where. He just shoved whatever he put his hand on, not really caring. At this point, he couldn't see clearly past the blurriness of his tears nor did he give a single fuck.
When he felt a sudden weakness in his legs and he started to shake, he put the bag down and sat down on the bed. Jimin closed his eyes, and pressed his fisted hands in between his legs. He breathed in deeply, and exhaled slowly. This breathing exercise had always helped him calm down but right now it was doing so little for him but still, he continued.
He didn't hear the creaking of the door nor did he notice Jeongguk come in. He was unaware of the alpha's presence until he smelled him.
Damp moss, dried leaves, and tree trunks.
Jimin wanted to get up from his seat. He wanted to scream. He wanted to run away. Go as far as he could from Jeongguk. But he was stuck. He remained seated, unmoving. He wiped the wetness on his cheeks with the hem of his tunic. He hated the thought of letting Jeongguk see him like this.
The cabin was quiet, save for Jimin's erratic breathing, and throbbing heart accompanied by Jeongguk's hurried and loud steps.
"Are you okay?" Jeongguk was fussing over him as soon as he entered the cabin. He wasn't supposed to be here, he was supposed to be occupied with his mating preparations but here he was, kneeling in front of him as he cradled Jimin's face in his hands. His eyebrows were knitted together, and his eyes took in each wound on Jimin's face carefully. "I'll ask healer Son for more salve later to quicken the healing, and—a-and an ointment too. We don't want your wounds to get an infection—"
"I'm fine." Jimin turned his face away from Jeongguk.
"You're not! Look at your face… l-look at your wounds. Jimin," there was that name again. It made him sick. "Can you tell me what happened, please?"
"No."
Jeongguk looked him straight in the eye. "Do you have any idea what condition the omega you fought with is in right now? Jimin, you almost ripped his face off. What happened? You were never this aggressive."
"Nothing." Jimin stood his ground.
Jeongguk sighed, frustrated. "Do you know how much trouble you're in right now? They want to throw you out of the pack! But that won't happen. I-I'll talk to the Elderly and—"
"You don't have to. I'm leaving anyway."
"You—what ?" Jeongguk asked. It was only then that Jeongguk noticed the bag beside him. A bag full of Jimin's belongings.
"I'm leaving," he repeated.
"Why?" Jeongguk asked, voice quivering. He was looking at Jimin with those eyes again, begging for an answer.
"I don't want to be here anymore."
Jimin’s legs still felt as weak as before, like they didn’t belong to him but he was determined to leave this place so he got up, and picked up his bag but Jeongguk blocked his way, bumping into his chest.
Jeongguk held his forearms to steady him. "It'll be fine! The Elderly—they won't kick you out. I won't let them, a—and that omega will never get near you again. I'll make sure of it. You don't have to leave."
"You don't get it!" Jimin laughed hollowly. "I don't want to be here. Do you hear the way they talk about me? Do you know how they treat me?"
"I—"
"They see me like some homewrecking slut who's ruining your potential, everlasting love story with Mi Dam. They think I'm trying to stop you from mating him because I couldn't get any other alpha to like me or… or to bed me. They treat me—see me so poorly. I've had enough."
"That's not true! None of what they said was true! You—you shouldn't listen to them—"
"That's easy for you to say 'cause you're not the one they talk shit about everyday! You're not the one who they whisper and g-gossip about. I don't expect you to understand." Jimin hissed.
"I was the one who has been in love with you ever since I was what? Thirteen? Fourteen? I was the one who has been completely head over heels in love with you to the point that I even courted you."
Jimin snatched his arms away from Jeongguk, and turned away from him to try, and compose himself. He could feel the tears burning his eyes. He had been doing so well. He wouldn't break now.
"Jimin—" Jeongguk reached out, and tried to hold his hand again but Jimin slapped his hand away. For a minute, he was just staring at the floor.
"I was a hopeless romantic, you know. I used to dream about my suitor giving me beautiful handmade gifts that will make all my friends jealous. I used to dream about my suitor giving me flowers as a sign of their affection, asking me to dance under the moonlight. But I gave that all up to court you,” his voice quavered. He struggled to continue, but he was tired of holding everything inside. “I know—I know you didn't ask me to but you wouldn't do it so I… I had to. I t-thought that was my only chance, so I did it without any hesitation even though I lost my friends because they thought I was crazy. Even though everyone ridiculed me 'cause how dare I try to court an alpha? Let alone a Jeon?"
Jimin inhaled sharply at the deep pain he felt in his chest. All the bitter memories came rushing back to him. He had done so well in convincing himself that he didn't care about what people said about him, that their hurtful words didn't matter but they mattered, and wounded him more than Jimin allowed himself to feel.
"You rejected me so many times, I lost count. I was losing hope because no matter what gift I gave you or no matter what I did, nothing changed. Do you remember my first ever gift? The scarf? I made that for weeks. I was heartbroken because I never saw you wear it, not even once. You probably didn't even like it. It's okay."
He had sworn he would never cry but everything hurt, and exploded inside him.
The first tears slipped from his eyes, wetting his flushed cheeks. He quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand.
Jeongguk was frozen in front of him, just looking at him as if he had seen a ghost. Jimin wasn't sure if he was hearing everything he was saying but that even didn't matter to him anymore. He just wanted to let it all out. Be honest, for once.
He had kept it all in for far too long.
"Then y-you said yes, and I was the happiest beta in the world. I couldn't believe it, couldn't believe we were finally dating. I couldn't believe you were mine 'cause—i-it was just… surreal. You're kind, so caring, gentle with me, and extremely understanding. You're literally all I could ask for in a lover. But even when we were close, you just felt so far apart. Every time we made love, you were always so afraid 'cause you’d think you'd lose control, and accidentally mate me. Do you know how much I want to ask you to mate me? It was all I ever wanted in my life, to be your mate. But I never asked you to because I know you don't want to—"
"No, baby, it's not that… It's..." Jeongguk shook his head vehemently, tears running down his face.
"After years of dating I thought you'd learn how to love me, too. I thought you'd finally feel the same. Then you come, and tell me that you have to mate an omega, and... ah... nothing changed, right? I was stupid enough to believe that you loved me enough to choose me over your position, but I guess I was wrong. All this time, it was just me who was in love. You p-probably said yes to me 'cause you felt bad, no? I was so pathetic. Always chasing you around like a dog even when you wanted to have nothing to do with me. I'm sorry I didn't see that before. I—I was just so in love with you, wanted to be with you. Everyone was right about me. I'm a desperate little bitch. I forced you to be with me. I'm so—" Jimin sobbed "—s-so sorry."
His knees buckled, and he almost fell forward but Jeongguk caught him, and steadied him on his feet before guiding him to sit on the bed.
"Please, calm down. B-Breathe for me, love." Jeongguk held him by the waist, tried to pull him closer to him, and calm him down but Jimin pushed him away.
"Don't touch me!" He punched Jeongguk's chest. "I s-s—saw you—I saw you hold him like this. I saw y-you! Did you hold him like this here too? In our bed? When y-you—" Jimin's voice broke, unable to continue the sentence as the sobs took over his body.
Despite his wishes, Jeongguk held him close, and let Jimin sob on his shoulders as his own tears fell down his face. He wanted to say so many things but right now, all he could do was listen as Jimin poured his heart out.
"All m-my life p-people—they… a-all they talked about was how I was an insignificant beta who you'd discard as soon as you found an omega. I… I d-didn't believe them… didn't want to believe them… but it's true. Y-You left me—you left me as soon as you found him. I know I'm just a simple beta and I—I can't make you pack alpha but I thought—I wished I'd be enough. Am I not—am I not worth it?"
"You are. You're e-enough for me. You're worth it. I—I love you." Jeongguk whispered against Jimin's ears, hoping his sincerity would come across.
"Stop! Oh God, stop s-saying things you don't mean!" Jimin tried to get up, and leave again but Jeongguk pulled on Jimin’s shoulders, turned him around, and hugged him.
"I mean it. Please, don't leave. I-I—I can't…" Jeongguk cried. He, too, was shaking uncontrollably but his hold on Jimin's body was so strong that Jimin couldn't move.
"Jeongguk," Jimin started. "I've n-never asked you for anything before but right now I'm asking you to please… please just let me go. It'll be easier for the both of us. I—"
"I love you. I only ever… I only ever loved you." Jeongguk sobbed.
They were so close. Jeongguk's head was on Jimin's shoulder, his tunic was soaked with Jeongguk's tears. Like this, Jimin could feel every tremor from Jeongguk's body.
He tried to push Jeongguk away but the alpha's grip was sturdy, and he had no fight left in him.
"D—don't… don't leave. No. J-Just please give me more t-time. I'm s-so so—close to convincing Mi Dam into calling off the mating."
Jeongguk was barely coherent from how emotional he was. Jimin thought he had misheard him.
"W-What…?"
"I don't want to mate with someone else. I-I don't—I don't want him. I don't want this. I don't want to be pack alpha. I want you—you… only you. I—give… g-give me more time. Please… love."
Jimin had no idea what to do with that information. He had no idea if Jeongguk was speaking the truth or if he was saying that because he was overwhelmed with his emotions. Regardless of that, Jimin felt his body go lax. Meanwhile, Jeongguk was holding him by the waist so tightly he was almost breathless as he was still sobbing on his shoulders. Jimin's tunic was soaking wet with his tears, and probably snot but he didn't mind.
"I—I'll… I will explain everything. Give me a chance to—to explain everything. H-hear me—me o-out. Don't leave me, please ." Jeongguk whimpered.
If Jimin thought his heart couldn't break any more, this moment proved him wrong. Seeing Jeongguk like this, crying, so vulnerable, so sad made his heart clench.
Jimin's tears slid silently on his face. He would probably regret doing this but after hearingJeongguk himself say that he wanted him was enough for Jimin to hope that maybe they had a chance. Although nothing was certain right now, he needed to give it a shot. This was all he had wanted his whole life.
"Okay. Okay. We'll—we'll talk," he whispered, caressing Jeongguk's hair, and it broke his heart when the alpha leaned into his touch.
Jeongguk pulled him even closer, and buried his nose in Jimin's neck. "I—thank y-you."