Chapter Text
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Annoying.
Hiding under the covers of his bed, a buzzing sound kept ringing like a jackhammer inside of Jimin’s head. It was as annoying as hell could be hot. The more it buzzed, the more he woke up and the more he felt sick to his stomach. When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the window of his room, shutters down and only letting a few rays of sun peek into the room. Jimin couldn’t decipher what time it was just from that but his eyes felt awfully heavy, indicating that he definitely hadn’t slept enough.
The buzzing sound which stopped for a few seconds, allowing him to nearly fall asleep again, made itself heard once again. It made Jimin release a long sigh painted with annoyance and tiredness. Although, he was now awake enough to recognize the buzzing as the sound from his phone. Without even having the care nor the energy to turn over, he let his left hand search for the device on the other side of the bed but, Jimin stopped all movements when he felt something hot, firm — but still soft, underneath his fingertips, which was definitely not his phone.
Dumbstruck and confused, the dark haired boy turned his head to his left, mouth going agape when the first thing his eyes caught was the puffed up and peaceful face of Jungkook, who was sound asleep. If Jimin was at first fond of Jungkook’s cute sleeping face, he panicked quickly upon realising that the soft but firm thing that his hand touched — and was still touching — was in fact Jungkook’s strong back. Straightening himself on the bed, he nearly choked on his own saliva when noting that he was wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. He lamentably tried to hide himself with his arms, even if the move was completely pointless since nobody was looking at him.
For several seconds, Jimin felt dumb because, even if what was happening wasn’t a film, he was freaking out to the single idea of Jungkook wearing nothing. Gulping, he watched Jungkook for a quick second before carefully grabbing the sheet resting at his lower back. Looking at it out of the corner of his eyes, he removed the fabric in one swift movement before sighing in relief when he saw the boxers Jungkook was also wearing.
He finally allowed his body to relax as he watched the wall before his eyes. His head was throbbing and his stomach was churning unpleasantly. As he became more conscious, he noticed the faint smell of alcohol that was still sticking to his skin and his damp hair. His mouth felt all fury. After a yawn, he looked at Jungkook’s sleeping figure again, wondering how he ended up in bed with him.
And that’s when he realised — or well, remembered, what happened last night.
They kissed. They kissed for a really long time, Jimin wouldn’t even be able to tell how much. They were wet because of their fall in the shower and, after severals minutes like that, both Jungkook and Jimin were freezing cold. They moved from the shower stall to his room, removing their shirts and pants before crawling under the sheets. They shared each other’s natural warmth, shared a few last lazy kisses, before falling asleep. They naturally drifted from each other’s arms during the night.
Jimin couldn’t believe it but as the memories came back, he felt his lips grow heavy, as if he had Jungkook’s ones on his. His whole body heated up, sending a shiver up to his toes as he blushed. He felt breathless as he recalled Jungkook’s words.
“What do you mean?” Jimin dared asking, expectation audible in his voice. He clearly wanted Jungkook to really say what he wanted to say. Jungkook understood it well too.
“I'm saying I really want to kiss you. To touch you... And maybe fuck you good too because you deserve it.”
Jimin opened his eyes wide, mouth agape as he looked at the sleeping boy next to him.
“Oh. Oh my god.” He breathed out, heart beating loudly inside his chest.
The buzzing sound made itself heard again, pulling Jimin out of his reverie and making him jump in surprise at the same time. Pulling himself out of bed, he blushed some more when he saw their clothes abandoned on the floor, proof that his memories definitely weren’t made up out of an erotic dream. He walked towards his pants, picking them up from the floor and finding his phone in the back pocket. The buzzing sound was due to Taehyung hitting up his phone as if there was no tomorrow. Two missed calls from him. Jimin was ready to ignore it, too troubled by the situation. But when the phone rang again, startled and also panicked by the sound Jungkook released as if it was disturbing his peace, Jimin ran to the bathroom, closing the door with the lock behind him before answering.
“Finally!” Taehyung exclaimed at the other end. “What were you doing that you wouldn’t answer?”
“I’m sorry? I’m uh… I just woke up and I didn’t know where I put my phone.” He murmured, rubbing his hand onto his forehead which felt slightly hot.
“Why are you speaking in such a quiet voice? Is everything fine?”
“I uh… I don’t know! I’m panicking, Tae!” Jimin wailed, pacing through the bathroom while thoughts were rushing through his mind.
“What? Why are you panicking? What happened?” Taehyung inquired with an alert voice, shifting behind the phone.
“I… Jungkook is shirtless in my bed and…” He started.
“Ah. Yeah and what about it? It’s not the first time you’ve seen him shirtless.” Taehyung talked nonchalantly as Jimin went to turn the shower handle on and let the water run. He was too afraid of Jungkook knocking. “Plus, he was supposed to sleep at yours and it’s not the first time you’ve slept with him like that.”
“No. You don’t understand! This time is different!” Jimin nearly whined, throwing himself against the cold tiles of the room and sliding down until he reached the floor.
“What’s different?! I don’t understand!”
“We kissed last night!” Jimin dropped liked a bomb, hands in his hair.
“You guys did what?” Taehyung exclaimed in a scream after a few seconds of silence, feeling breathless. “Oh my God! What the hell! I can’t leave you guys alone for just eight hours, can I?”
“We kissed! Oh my God, Taehyung. We kissed… And for a really long time too. We were wet and- we kissed for such a long time, I…” Jimin babbled, stupefaction clear in his voice as he was just realising the weight of his words.
“You guys were what again?” Taehyung murmured slowly, word after word, feeling speechless the more he heard about what happened, and rightfully the one most surprised by this news.
Jimin didn’t even have time to respond when he heard a knock on the door. He gasped, holding his breath in anticipation and his whole body tensing up right when he heard Jungkook’s deep and gravelly morning voice.
“Jimin?… Are you in there?” The younger asked lazily.
Jimin didn’t respond at first, too stunned. But, as realisation hit him again and upon hearing his name called by Taehyung on the cell phone this time, he woke up. “Tae, I got to go. He’s knocking. I’ll talk to you later.” He quickly and quietly spoke.
“Uh? Wait! Jimi-” And before even listening, Jimin ended the call.
“Jungkook? I uh… I’m in the shower! Do you need anything?” Jimin quickly replied, getting up on his feet before removing his boxers and entering the shower stall after putting his phone to the side. He was quickly wet all over from the water running down.
“I need to go to the toilet…” Jungkook told him sleepily.
“I can’t open the door right now. I have shampoo in my eyes…” Jimin felt bad for lying but he just wasn’t ready to face the younger yet. “Can you wait just a bit? I’ll be out in ten minutes.”
“Hm… Okay…”
After a few seconds hearing nothing, Jimin sighed, hand right next to his beating heart. The night wasn’t supposed to end like that at all. The more he thought about it, the more flustered he became and the more he felt blood rushing to his cheeks. He felt strangely hot all over. He knew he had to talk to Jungkook about what happened but he didn’t even know how to. The single thought of the events of last night was leaving him breathless.
Once he realised how even his shoulders were getting red, he turned the cold water on, gasping in surprise. It was freezing but he needed it to keep his thoughts straight. Nevertheless, he wouldn’t be able to run away from this conversation because, once he stepped out of the bathroom, they’d have to talk about it.
He showered quietly, taking as much time as he could although he said he would be out in ten. Jimin was just so awkward. And maybe now that he was sober, even though he had a hangover, he was less bold compared to last night, knowing that he was the one who started off things by kissing Jungkook.
When he finished, he took a towel from his cupboard, drying himself quickly and tying the fabric around his hips. When he opened the door, the apartment felt awfully quiet. He went back to his room where he didn’t see Jungkook at all. He decided to dress, putting on clean underwear, jeans and a thick blue hoodie on top of a tank top, wanting to make sure to be all warm in this end of December. When he entered the living room, Jungkook was still nowhere to be seen.
“Jungkook?” Jimin called but received just silence as a response.
Sitting down on the sofa, Jimin now felt super nervous. Did the younger really leave like that? Like a thief? Jimin couldn’t imagine Jungkook behaving like that. Certainly not after what happened. If he didn’t want to stay, he wouldn’t have wasted time searching for Jimin while he was in the shower. He would have just left. But he still wasn’t there and Jimin started panicking, feeling worse than ever. His head was hurting and now, thinking that he maybe ruined something, their friendship, or whatever that was now going on between him and Jungkook, brought tears to his eyes and he felt like crying.
After ten minutes of waiting for the younger, Jimin finally gave up, believing that the younger left ,and gave in to the tears, crying in between his hands as his shoulders trembled. After waiting, he didn’t expect his door to unlock with a sound, hinting that somebody indeed typed his code to enter, and the only people who knew his code other than him was Taehyung and Jungkook.
“Jung-Jungkook?” He discreetly called.
He heard some shuffles, a grunt in tiredness, and then, walking out of the hallway and into the living room was Jungkook, dressed with some pants and a t-shirt that obviously was Jimin’s property looking by how tight they were on him, and two bags in hand. Jimin was left speechless again, looking at the younger right before his eyes. He even forgot that he was still crying and found strange the look of panic Jungkook gave him as he rushed towards him, leaving the bags on the small table in front of the sofa.
“Jimin, why are you crying? What happened?” Jungkook asked in confusion, sitting next to Jimin as he cupped his cheeks.
“You- You didn’t leave?” Jimin quivered from the coldness of Jungkook’s hands, looking at him with dumb eyes as the younger dried his tears with his thumbs.
“Why would I leave? My clothes are still there. I just went outside to get us breakfast, and something for our hangovers. I’m sure you have a headache too.” Jungkook smiled tenderly with a sigh, taking the bags with one hand to show them better to his friend. “I got us some ramyeon, tea and vitamin drinks. I felt like throwing up this morning.” He explained while opening the bad and putting each and every item on the table. “I got us both cappuccinos too. I couldn’t help but buy it when I was outside. It was freezing cold and-”
Jungkook stopped talking when he looked at Jimin again and found him quietly crying. He left whatever he had in his hands on his thighs to cup Jimin’s cheeks again as he tried to soothe him.
“Hey… What’s going on? Are you ok?” He whispered gently.
“I’m so sorry. I-I don’t know why I’m being like this. I was afraid you left. I’m sorry, I was scared.” Jimin sobbed, face dropping as he carefully wrapped a hand around Jungkook’s wrist.
“You don’t have to apologise, angel. It’s okay. I’m right there, hm? I’m not going anywhere.” Jungkook first went to kiss his head but stopped in his track, continuing to just wipe Jimin’s tears away. He smiled when the sobs died down and gave Jimin all the time he needed to retrieve his composure. When he straightened himself again in a breath, Jungkook just fondled a hand in his hair affectionately.
“Feeling better?”
“Yeah… I think so. Thank you.” Jimin whispered as an answer. “My head hurts much more now though.”
“That’s ok.” Jungkook lightly laughed.
“You can use the bathroom now if you want. I’ll take care of this.” Jimin suggested doing as he took the two packs of Korean noodles.
“Oh yeah. I’ll try to be quick.” Jimin nodded before watching Jungkook get up to walk towards the hallway leading to the bathroom. “But Jimin…” He called, stopping in his track and calling the boy who seemed to have his composure back now, even if his eyes were still a bit red and puffy.
“Hm?” Jimin only answered.
“We will talk after this… right?” Jungkook inquired carefully.
Jimin first opened his mouth agape before it dawned on him what the younger was talking about. The reason behind his tears and his fear of Jungkook leaving. He was glad the younger apparently remembered last night’s events. If not, he wouldn’t ask that. And to be honest, Jimin wasn’t up to be in one of these American rom-coms where one of them always forgot what happened the night before because of how shit-faced they were. He wanted to talk about it, even if it was embarrassing and was making him blush, he had to and he didn’t want to wait before doing so because it could lead to something much worse.
“Yeah… Yeah, of course.” Jimin affirmed, showing a small smile with red cheeks to Jungkook, who looked like it was kind of a relief for him because his shoulders slacked a bit and he smiled too before disappearing down the hallway.
When Jimin heard the door of the bathroom lock, he got up, going into his room to look for Jungkook’s clothes. When he picked them up from the floor, he noticed they were still too wet for the younger to go back home wearing, so he started searching in his dresser if he had any clothes of Jungkook that he maybe forgot during previous sleepovers. When he found one t-shirt and jeans that looked too large for him, he immediately knew it was his. He went to the bathroom and knocked before entering when he heard the boy’s approval. Jungkook was still dressed so it wasn’t awkward again and Jimin gave him the clothes before leaving again towards the kitchen.
By the time Jungkook left the bathroom and was joining Jimin into the living room, the older had already placed the two bowls of hot ramyeons on the little table with chopsticks and was currently scrolling through his phone. His eyes finally landed on Jungkook when the latter sat on the couch and he looked confused for a moment because of the second towel in Jungkook’s hand while he had another one on his head. His eyes closed then when the younger took said towel to dry his hair. When he opened them again to look at the younger, his mouth was a little agape.
“What? Don’t tell me you didn’t even realise that you didn’t dry your hair since you left the bathroom?” Jungkook laughed, looking down at Jimin. Jimin felt himself blush and pouted, muttering a “no” followed by a “thank you” to his friend. Jungkook could only smile, continuing his task before stopping after two short minutes and making sure that no droplet was falling from his strands of hair.
“Let’s eat before it turns cold.” Jimin instructed quietly, taking his own bowl into his hands.
“Ah, yes. Thank you for the meal.” Jungkook politely told him before diving in.
If there was one thing that Jimin didn’t want to do was to talk about all of this in a bad atmosphere. He wanted them to enjoy their food to the fullest before talking about this burning subject. In between their meals, Jungkook handed Jimin the vitamin drink and they both drunk it as fast as they could before munching again, both desperately trying to subside the bitter taste. Once full and their dishes washed as well, the both of them were sitting on the sofa, their cappuccinos in hand.
Although neither of them was saying anything, the silence wasn’t awkward but kind of soothing. Jimin thought that they needed that. They needed a bit of peace and they needed to feel relaxed before jumping in. So he let them have it. Because he also knew that once they started talking about it, he wasn’t sure that he would be able to keep the same composure.
“I was serious.” Jungkook started, his voice nearly echoing in the quiet living room.
Jimin hadn’t expected him to start off like this, neither for Jungkook to start. Admittedly, Jimin was getting himself ready for the conversation, but he didn’t expect it to start now. He couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous as he wasn’t completely mentally ready yet. Upon hearing Jungkook’s voice, he turned his head toward him, huge and slightly alerted eyes looking at him.
“I actually… really want to try this and… make you feel comfortable.” He tried to explain, licking his slight dry lips. “I’m not gonna lie, the alcohol helped. I wasn’t planning on telling you that last night but… I still think the same of you, Jimin. Those words that I said last night weren’t lies.”
Jimin’s cheeks quickly tinted themselves with a light pink colour as he recalled each word Jungkook said to him. Gazing at his cappuccino in his hand, he then turned his head to look at Jungkook, a million questions rushing into his mind and, one in particular that was making him really curious but also confused.
“Jungkook-ah, do you have feelings for me?” Jimin asked, heart beating loud and blood rushing to his cheeks at the thought of the boy answering with a ‘yes’.
Jungkook’s body went a little bit tense and he pinched his lips together “And you? Do you?”
Pouting, Jimin looked at him with half-lidded eyes, not quite happy with his answer. “I’m not the one who proposed to have sex with each other so I don’t need to answer that.”
“That’s true.” Jungkook lightly laugh, a sigh leaving his lips before he continued. “To be really honest, I don’t know. I’m still confused about my feelings for you.”
That wasn’t the answer Jimin hoped for. His mood turned sour but, at the same time, he couldn’t decipher why he wanted Jungkook to tell him that he was feeling something — in some kind of way at least. But that wasn’t the case apparently and Jimin just felt himself getting sadder by the second and his throat tightening at the same time.
“Sex is a serious topic for me, Jungkook.” He started, hands tightening around his cup between his hands. “You’re not sure about your feelings for me but you still want to have intercourse with me? I don’t like that.” Jimin ended, head shaking as he looked at Jungkook with hurt and incomprehension in the eyes. “I don’t want to get hurt, and, even if you’re not anybody, I don’t want to give myself to anybody like that.”
Jungkook, who was looking at Jimin with apprehension, felt his whole body tense once Jimin started talking. Jimin said that he didn’t want to get hurt but by looking at him in the eyes right now, Jungkook felt like he already did and he felt awful for doing so. This definitely wasn’t what he wanted.
“I’m sorry. I just…” Jungkook immediately apologised, voice quiet. “Just forget about what I said, hm? I don’t want to hurt you because our friendship is more precious than all of this. You’re more precious than all of this, ok? So… nevermind what I said. Is that okay with you?” He smiled faintly, trying to reassure his friend the best he could in this situation.
Jimin wasn’t sure if all of this was okay with Jungkook too. There was an awkwardness between them right now and because Jimin was eager to make it go away, he nodded, lips pinched. Jungkook gave him a faint smile then looked at his phone.
“I should go now and let you rest. I also need a bit more sleep.” Jungkook tried to lightly laugh it off while getting up, walking toward the entrance.
“Wait- Jungkook!” Jimin called, feeling like Jungkook’s departure was too rushed to be something good. He didn’t like this situation. Getting up on his feet and leaving his drink behind, he stood rapidly beside Jungkook as he watched the younger put his shoes on. “Are we… Are we really okay?”
Jungkook got up, throat tightening when he saw Jimin’s wet eyes looking at him. Cupping the cheeks of the older, he finally kissed his forehead, tenderly. A move he was too afraid to do minutes before. Jimin nearly whined in sadness at this, eyes closing and holding back any tears that wanted to leave his eyes. When Jungkook pulled back, he smiled softly, petting Jimin’s cheek with his thumb.
“We are, angel. I promise.” He said with a tone as soft as his smile.
Jimin just wanted to hold onto his shirt and not let him go. He didn’t care, he didn’t believe that. They weren’t okay. But as he watched Jungkook smile at him like this, he couldn’t do anything but nod and try to believe it too. That they were indeed okay. He hoped so.
He reluctantly watched the younger leave after a last goodbye and once the door locked itself just behind him, Jimin felt like he would bawl out anytime now.
He walked back to the living room and, with sad eyes, looked at the cup of cappuccino Jungkook had left behind. He barely had any. Throwing himself onto the couch, Jimin hid his eyes from any sort of light with his arm as he felt the tears rise.
“Pfff… He could have just finished it at least…” Jimin told to himself in a murmur before sobs came out, clogging his throat.
Jimin couldn’t understand his own person. He wasn’t really happy with the situation. He felt so guilty about it all that he was thinking now that he should have just given in and said yes. Say yes to Jungkook holding him and trying to make him feel comfortable but, at the same time, he was still so afraid it could break something. And now, he was even more afraid that something has already been broken.
After three full minutes of sobbing, Jimin’s eyes finally dried out, even if his chest still held a pang. He didn’t know how long he stared at the ceiling, eyes focused on an invisible point and mind emptied of all thoughts. That was, until he heard his door unlock again and being opened in an abrupt movement. Panic rose in his chest at the thought of the person being a housebreaker, but all kind of negative thoughts rapidly vanished when he heard Taehyung’s deep voice calling for him.
“Minnie! Where are you?” His best friend screamed, shuffling rapidly in the hallway.
Jimin heard shoes being thrown carelessly onto the floor and, emerging like a shot from the entrance, Taehyung locked eyes with his best friend and rushed to him before throwing himself into his arms, making the both of them fall back onto the sofa.
“Tae-Taehyung… what are you doing here?” Jimin muffled against his friend, arms welcoming the hug nevertheless.
“We rushed here with Yoongi as soon as we saw Jungkook leaving.” He explained while still crushing Jimin in between his arms.
“I thought someone broke in. You scared me…” Jimin mumbled against his friend in a tiny voice, the latter quickly apologising while kissing his friend’s cheek. “Tae- Hold on. I can’t breath.” Jimin said, tapping his best friend's back light. Rushing out another apology, Taehyung quickly released the boy from his hold, making them both sit on the sofa. Jimin shot a gaze to Yoongi, the older giving him a light smile that Jimin gave back before looking at them more intently.
“Um… Guys. Why are the both of you still in the same clothes as yesterday night?” Jimin asked, dumbfounded.
“Oh.. Oh. About that..” Taehyung started, red creeping onto his cheeks as he scratched the back of his neck. “I just couldn’t wait anymore when the both of you left the car so we did it there and slept there.”
Mouth agape, Jimin also felt his cheeks redden, and he looked at the both of them one after the other, Yoongi’s slight pink colour on his ears confirming what Taehyung had just said. “The both of you are Nasty.” He said dramatically.
“Oh come on! It’s not the first time I’ve told you something like that.”
“Wait- How much did you say to him, Tae?” Yoongi asked, eyes round.
“Oh, you better not worry about it or you’ll want to throw yourself off a cliff.” Yoongi was just about to speak again, ears redder, when Taehyung turned towards Jimin again. “We came as soon as Jungkook left. I messaged him casually to ask if he already left. What happened? Are you alright?”
Upon hearing the question about what happened earlier, Jimin realised that he couldn’t forget that easily. Dropping his head down, his gaze turned dark again. Taehyung sighed, pinching his lips together as he slowly swiped his hand against Jimin’s cheek, removing the remaining dried tears. “Why did I even ask. Of course you’re not.”
“No I’m- I’m all right. It’s-” Jimin tried to say in a sigh, voice quivering. “The situation is just a mess, I guess.”
“What happened?” Yoongi asked this time, sitting himself on the sofa, next to Taehyung.
Jimin relinquished. And even if he wished his mind was in another place, he just couldn’t stop thinking about what happened so, he told them the whole story. From the moment they stepped foot into his apartment last night, to Jungkook stepping out of it this morning. It felt good because Jimin wanted an outside point of view since his own mind was a mess, and bad at the same time because Jimin realised how sad everything turned out and that’s definitely not what he wanted.
“Woah… that was pretty.. intense.” Yoongi started, looking at the ceiling.
“Yeah…” Jimin all but said, eyes sad.
“I believed something would happened between the both of you because since Jungkook entered university, the relation between you two turned pretty intense.” Taehyung explained in a soft tone, bringing his legs together to sit cross-legged. “There always was some kind of unspoken tension. I just didn’t think it’d happen like that.” Yoongi nodded at this, agreeing silently with his eyes on the both of them.
From the corner of his eyes, Jimin looked at them, mouth a little open. “This isn’t helping me at all.” Jimin said, a pout forming at his mouth.
“We are sorry.” Taehyung lightly laugh, hugging his best friend again.
“I think, like how Jungkook said, that he didn’t plan on telling you this the way he did.” Yoongi started in a quiet tone, looking directly at Jimin this time. “Nevertheless, I… I think you’re not completely happy to have said “no”, right Jiminie?”
Pinching his lips together, Jimin couldn’t lie. He nodded as an answer.
“I know you must have your reasons but, I still think Jungkook is a great guy. I think you should give it a try.” Yoongi smiled lightly again, nodding finally as he approved his decision with his own-self.
“Yeah. I think so too. You said several times to me that you want to experience things and I strongly believe Jungkook would never hurt you intentionally.” Taehyung gave Jimin’s shoulder a little squeeze, pulling him more against him while adding to his boyfriend’s words.
“Would you make sure I don’t get hurt?” Jimin asked with a tiny voice. A silence hung in the room for a few short seconds, allowing him to carefully leave Taehyung’s arms before watching his two friends with sad eyes.
“That’s…” Taehyung started with a certain hesitation in his tone.
“You can’t… And that’s alright, I swear.” Jimin giggled lightly, taking Taehyung’s hands in his. “I also know you two mean well by advising me to say yes but… this isn’t some kind of movie. It’s real life. Jungkook couldn’t even explain why he wanted to do that with me and that’s…”
Either way, Jimin couldn’t reconsider what he had said to Jungkook because too much was at risk. After releasing a breath he was holding, Jimin looked at them, showing a feeble smile painted with gloom.
“That’s just the start of a recipe for disaster to me.” Jimin said solemnly.
~•~
Seoul was dressed in white. Christmas and the New year passed by with cold temperatures in the city. Even if it was still awfully cold, students were back in class. Jimin felt a relief by being back in class because those vacations felt terribly long for him. But at the same time, he also felt sadder. Class started just for a few days now but nothing felt right for Jimin. He was just gloomy most of the time. He couldn’t focus and couldn’t put his mind into doing anything. He knew that he should get a hold of himself before professors started to schedule exams but… that was easier said than done.
And he perfectly knew the reason why.
“3 weeks.” He said dryly.
“Uh?” Taehyung who was sipping onto his hot bowl of soup looked up from his dish, looking funnily at his friend.
“It’s been 3 weeks.” Jimin repeat again mechanically, chopsticks holding a dumpling still above his own bowl as he stared into space.
“What the hell are you talking about, Minie?” Taehyung sighed with half-lidded eyes, squinting at his friend. The latter was starting to think that Jimin had gone mad because of the cold; even if the dining hall was pretty warm.
“It’s been three weeks since Jungkook and I haven’t talk at all. Three weeks.” He reiterated, eyes locking with Taehyung’s.
Speechless, Taehyung looked at his friend, jaw locked on his half munched noodles. As he swallowed, Jimin automatically dropped his gaze, playing with his own noodles with his chopsticks as if he said nothing.
“Park Jimin, you’re kidding, right?”
“Oh, I wish I was.” Jimin mumbled as loud as he could for the both of them.
“Jimin, what the fuck?” Taehyung scolded more loudly this time, making a few heads turn towards them and Jimin dropped his chopsticks onto his plate.
“There was Christmas! And then New Year’s! He was at his grandparents with his family! He was literally out of town! If he was still there, I would have called him but, he was gone and-“ Jimin tried explained with huge and alert eyes.
“And you could’ve still called him.” Taehyung interrupted him into his explanation. “Jimin, what you’re saying right now are just excuses. You could have called him and talked about it.”
“What are you both getting so heated for? I could hear you shout from the back of the room?” Yoongi’s voice resonated as he laid his tray on the table before kissing Taehyung’s cheeks.
“He hasn’t talked to Jungkook for three weeks now.” Taehyung told blandly.
Jimin could see Yoongi’s mouth go a little agape, the older dropping flat onto his seat, bag hitting the floor as he looked at Jimin with slightly big eyes now. “Ok… We have a problem.”
“In my defence, he didn’t call me too!” Jimin tried as an excuse.
“But he isn’t the one who got rejected, Jimin-ah. Of course he is not going to call you first.” Yoongi said as a matter of fact, but with still a little bit of tact since he didn’t want to crush Jimin. He still felt kind of bad for Jungkook though. “He must want a little bit of alone time and I bet he also doesn't want to bother you.”
Jimin for his part tried to counter attack again, mouth opening but, upon recognising the hard truth, he slowly shut his mouth, a whine leaving his lips as he held his head with both hands in frustration, messing up his already devilish hair. “I really am an idiot. God… what did I do?”
“I feel lame to not have realised it sooner but I understand now why Jungkook wasn’t hanging with us too much since we got back to school. I know that his exams are when we get back but he never ditched us like that. I thought he was just busy.” Taehyung put onto reflexion, visualising again each time during the past weeks where he invited Jungkook and the younger refused.
“What do I do? What do I do to fix this?” Jimin asked in a rush, desperate now more than ever.
“Talk to him.” Taehyung started off simply. “And you need to really talk to him about this situation. Jimin, you are confused and you’re hesitating. I know it better than anyone else. You need to give him a real answer and really talk about it. Be honest about what you feel.”
Taehyung’s tone was letting Jimin know that there really wasn’t a better solution than this one. He needed to really think and talk to Jungkook, more than ever. And he also knew that was the only solution for him to stop feeling so restless.
~•~
Going back home never felt so good. Jimin let himself fall down onto his queen bed, all tension in his body vanishing as soon as he hit the sheets. He closed his eyes, enjoying the quietness of his bedroom, opening his eyes just to enjoy the purple neon light at the corner of his room that he switched on upon entering the room, enjoying the coziness of it all.
Jimin knew he had some things to do but he didn’t want to think about it yet. So he got up from his bed, switched his Bluetooth speaker on and connected it to his computer before putting on a one hour underground music playlist. He decide to take a long shower, enjoying every drop of hot water as he washed himself. He decided to relax himself and to clear his thoughts, taking advantage of every second he had to think about the situation.
If he wanted to be honest, he really wasn’t any different from Jungkook. He didn’t know what his feelings for Jungkook were but, at the same time, he wanted to feel Jungkook’s touch again. He thought numerous times about their kiss; the kiss that started everything. Saying that he didn’t want another one, and maybe several other ones, was a lie. But he really didn’t know if he was ready to put his friendship into jeopardy for that.
As he closed the door behind him when entering his bedroom again, all cozy in his pyjamas and fragrant, his eyes stopped automatically on his smartphone resting onto his desk. Jimin honestly felt his heart dropped to his stomach and he hadn’t even started anything. He just looked at the device.
Going up to his bed, the boy grabbed the phone on his way, rolling onto his sheet before stopping once he had laid down on his back. Pressing his screen a few times, he pause on Jungkook’s name in his contact list, biting his lower lip in nervousness. What should he say? How should he start this? He couldn’t come up to Jungkook like that and tell him that he wanted to talk. He was afraid the younger would feel pressured from the other side of the screen. He pondered everything for at least five full minutes, typing and then deleting it before finally sending:
jimin
kookie.. are you okay?
That was lame. Jimin knew it well. And that’s why, after pressing “send” and realising he couldn’t go back anymore and change his message, he trashed onto his bed before screaming into his pillow, calling himself all kinds of stupid. When the notification bell rang two minutes later, Jimin totally went rigid for a short two seconds before grabbing his phone again, unlocking it and opening the message he had just received from Jungkook.
kookie 🐰🤍
i am hyung! why? what’s up?
Jimin found himself pouting because, it wasn’t really the answer he was hoping for but he also didn’t know what he was hoping for. Feeling insecure, Jimin thought about making up an excuse and making the exchange of messages short, but Taehyung’s voice rang in his head and he decided to hold onto his friend’s advice and be honest
jimin
nothing really
i just uh..
kookie 🐰🤍
hm?
jimin
i just miss you kookie
kookie 🐰🤍
oh hyung
i miss you too
jimin
where were you lately?
kookie 🐰🤍
hm.. busy. with stuff
i’m sorry
jimin
no!
no it’s okay don’t apologise
i think i understand why
i’m sorry for last time
kookie 🐰🤍
hyung it’s alright!
don’t apologise
i told you we are okay
jimin
are we really?
jungkook i don’t believe so
we didn’t talk for 3 weeks
i felt so sad i thought somebody was ripping my heart out
kookie 🐰🤍
i know…
jimin
this isn’t right kookie
i don’t like that
i want my kookie back
kookie 🐰🤍
let’s call
let’s talk about it okay?
jimin
i’m crying right now
i don’t want you to hear it
kookie 🐰🤍
i don’t care
i’m calling you right now
okay angel?
please answer me, hm?
Jimin just had the time to read Jungkook’s last message in between his tears before his phone rang, displaying Jungkook’s name on the screen with the picture Jimin took a few months ago of him as a background. Jimin tried to dry his tears before answering, holding in a sniffle.
“Angel…” Jungkook called softly. Jimin felt so good because it had been so long since Jungkook called him that, but at the same time he couldn’t manage to keep his sob in after hearing the cute pet name Jungkook only ever used for him and only him.
“Please don’t cry, angel. I don’t know what to do when you cry.” Jungkook tried to tell him softly, hoping Jimin would calm down.
“I’m okay. I’m really okay, it’s just-” Jimin swallowed, breathing deeply and voice wavering as he continued. “I’m just so happy to hear you.”
Jungkook smiled softly at the other end of the phone, shuffling a bit as he sat on his bed. “Same goes for you.”
Nothing was said for a few seconds after that. Jimin felt glad to Jungkook for giving him the time to be able to speak normally again, without crying.
“Feeling better?” Jungkook asked with a honey-like voice after short seconds of silence.
“Yeah.. Thank you.” Jimin quietly answered, his voice just above a whisper as if he only wanted Jungkook to hear his voice. “Jungkook-ah…” He called.
“Hm?”
“I wanted to.. to talk again about what happened last time we saw each other.” Jimin started with, wanting to be extra careful with his words because he absolutely wanted to even the situation between him and Jungkook.
“Okay.” Jungkook all but responded, waiting for Jimin to continue.
“I’m sorry to ask you this again but, what are your feelings for me? Do you feel anything towards me?” Jimin asked first in a tiny voice.
“To be really honest… I don’t know. I really don’t know. I’m confused about my feelings for you.” He told him truthfully, voice sounding remorseful and sad because it was a fact that saddened him too.
Jungkook’s last wish was to lead Jimin on. He already decided to be a hundred percent honest with him during this conversation and only hoped he won’t hurt the boy more. He was determined to answer each and every one of Jimin’s questions if it could allow them to go back to what they were, if that was possible.
“Ok.. That’s alright because I’m confused about it too.”
As if he was suddenly waking up, Jungkook’s voice sounded suddenly more awake and even taken aback. “Wait- what did you just say?”
“Another question. Please be honest with me, okay?” Jimin pursued, ignoring Jungkook’s question.
Jungkook, still at a loss of words, stammered for a bit before calming down and focusing on the conversation again. “I will. Tell me.”
“Why do you want to do it with me?”
After that, a silence settled between them for a few seconds. Jungkook paused because he didn’t want to hurt Jimin’s feelings with a bad choice of words. Not that he thought that he was wrong for thinking and feeling like he did but, he didn’t want that to be hurtful for Jimin. Jungkook never supported seeing Jimin sad or even crying. After Taehyung, he was the one to always comfort Jimin. It was really important for him to always make Jimin smile. He didn’t want to be the person who would make him cry.
“If it was just about… sex and getting laid, I would’ve not taken such risks.” Jungkook started with, in a breath. “It’s true though. I’ve found you very attractive for a long time now and, I said all of this because something kept telling me to try it out. Whatever I feel, I don’t want to regret not listening to my instinct. I don’t know if you realized it too but, since university, we always had kind of a tension between us two. Like, as if it was pulling us towards each other.”
Behind the phone, Jimin’s lips were pinched together, his cheeks heating up as he recalled all the moments where he felt this tension. There were definitely too many of them. Jimin couldn’t even remember all of them but he couldn’t deny it. Jungkook was right, they were indeed attracted physically to each other. But Jimin wouldn’t say it, shame washing over him as he contained a whine urging to fall off his lips when his heart started to beat faster. He just hummed a few seconds after Jungkook words, mind racing.
Even if their mutual attraction for each other was enough for them to try something, adding to the fact that they were super close to each other, it didn’t help Jimin to ease this blatant fear burning inside his chest.
“But, Jungkook-ah… What about our friendship?” Jimin expressed, voice breaking into a quiet sob. “This could end our friendship. Things between us could get so awkward and… it already started being awkward! We didn’t talk for three weeks and that never happen before.”
“I know, angel. But I still want to give it a shot. I want to give us a chance. To be really honest with you, I’m so nervous right now.” Jungkook awkwardly laughed, voice slightly shaky. “I don’t even know what the hell I am doing.”
Jimin’s heart broke again because he could really tell Jungkook was nervous as hell behind the phone. He knows him too well. From the background noise, he could tell the younger was fidgeting, maybe pacing in his room, since it was one of the things helping him to keep his thoughts straight when he was nervous. But suddenly, all noise died down and the only thing he could hear was the confident and steady voice of the boy.
“But to resume, I want you, Park Jimin, in a way that I can’t even explain. It’s not just the alcohol. It’s truly how I feel.”
Those words resonated with Jimin’s entire being. Jungkook’s sincerity made his heart skip a beat. The dark haired boy wanted him in ways he couldn’t explain. If Jimin wasn’t listening to himself, he would have accepted on the spot. Fear and excitement at the same time rose upon his skin from the thought of being in Jungkook’s arms again.
But the boy still had another question. The last one, which was at the tip of his tongue.
“You feel such strong emotions towards me but, you don’t know if you have feelings for me?”
“I just don’t know if what I feel right now for you is love or just a strong want and attraction. I’m really asking myself what I feel but I can’t find a good answer. But at the same time, I don’t want to rush and I know I’ll understand what all of this means. I just want us to take our time and,discover it together.”
It felt sweet. Jungkook’s words felt sweet. Uncertainty was still present deep in the back of his mind but, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding, he realized that Jungkook was able to calm him down and make him see things a bit more clearly now. When he thought about it, his own feelings weren’t much different from Jungkook’s.
They felt the same. For once, and just this once, Jimin wanted to listen to what his heart told him, and not his mind. So, he did.
“Okay… Okay. I accept.” Jimin said after a breath, heart beating loud inside his chest.
“Hm? You accept what?” Jungkook asked, confusion in his voice.
“I accept to do it with you. Understood? Don’t make me say that again!” He blurted out again, skin red from embarrassment even if he wasn’t next to Jungkook.
“Oh… OH!” Jungkook uttered, finally getting what Jimin meant. “A-Are you sure Jimin? Don’t force yourself. I told you we were okay.”
“I’m not, I swear. I want this. I just have one condition though.”
“Everything you want, angel.” Jungkook said instantly, not caring whatever Jimin’s condition might be, he will do it.
“I want exclusivity. Since we are talking about sex, I want to be a hundred percent sure it’s only going to be you and me.” Jimin explained, shifting in his bed.
“It’ll only be you and me angel, I promise.” The younger talked softly, voice seductive.
A chill ran up Jimin’s spine at this and he released a shaky breath, murmuring an “Okay…” with a soft voice after this. Jungkook’s voice was definitely something else. Jimin then realized that it would be difficult for him to resist the charm of the younger.
After a few seconds of silence, they both decided to discuss the details of their future meetings about this in further text messages. They wished each other a good night and then hung up. Jimin couldn’t find peace even after this. He felt like his heart kept beating loud in his chest. Despite that, Jimin easily fell asleep, most certainly lulled to sleep by this feeling of relief that washed over him just at the thought of getting his Jungkook back.
~•~
Jimin shifted into the bed, stretching his whole body into the huge bed, watching tiredly the film on display on Taehyung’s TV. His best friend was immersed into what was happening currently but for once, Jimin wasn’t able to focus on the movie, mind full of Jungkook as he dwelled on what happened between Jungkook and him and their phone call two days before. He couldn’t believe he really agreed to do that with Jungkook. He was so surprised by his own behaviour that he couldn’t stop thinking about anything else.
Taehyung was about to make a comment on the current scene when he turned his gaze towards his friend, immediately noticing how Jimin was completely lost in his mind.
“What are you thinking about?” Taehyung asked, a chuckle hardly hidden as he spoke.
Jimin quickly reacted upon hearing Taehyung’s voice, eyes finally blinking as he turned his attention to his friend next to him. “Nothing…” He murmured in a tiny voice as if Taehyung had caught him red-handed.
“Your eyes are too big right now for it to be ‘nothing’. Spit it out, come on!” Taehyung rushed saying, straightening himself before sitting closer to his friend as if it would help him not miss out on anything he said.
Jimin whined in the back of his throat, felling shy all of the sudden. He never hid anything from Taehyung so he wasn’t going to start today but he still felt embarrassed about talking about the current situation because it gave it more realness.
“It’s just that… I talked with Jungkook and…”
“Yeah?” Taehyung said with a knowing smile, urging his friend to continue.
“Well… We talked and… I said yes to his offer.” Jimin finally said, a blush on his cheeks.
“You did?! Oh my god, woah.” Taehyung laughed, shaking his friend enthusiastically, displaying more excitement than Jimin himself. “What made you change your mind? Are you nervous?”
“I’m dying of nervousness.” Jimin admit in a short laugh. The boy wasn’t even lying. He never felt more nervous before about something but at the same time, he felt excitement. He was impatient. “Tae, I don’t even know what to do. My heart keeps racing every time I think about it.”
“Jungkook is a gentleman, don’t worry about that. He won’t fuck you right away, unless that’s what you want.” Taehyung stated, tone very much serious even if he was smirking.
Jimin’s cheeks quickly took on a red tone of colour after hearing Taehyung mention how Jungkook would eventually fuck him — one day or another. Until now, Jimin was only focused on the kissing and the memory of Jungkook’s lips on his that he wanted to relive all over again. He forgot that people could do others things outside of kissing when in intimate situations.
“Don’t say things like that!” Jimin whined, cheeks heated up from his own shyness.
“What do you want me to say then? You guys are going to have sex together. Hookup with each other, bang. Do the do. Get laid.”
“Oh my god! I got it! Stop!” Jimin said, more red than ever as he threw a pillow at his friend.
Taehyung laughed, catching the pillow with his hands before hugging it to his chest. “Did you two already talk about what you’re going to do now?”
“No but, we are going to meet this weekend at Jungkook’s. I don’t know what will happen.”
Jimin’s voice went a little bit quieter when explaining the situation to Taehyung. The latter easily understood how nervousness was eating his friend alive. Putting the pillow aside, he sat against the headboard, imitating Jimin’s position.
“Aren’t you excited?” Taehyung wondered, the film rolling on the screen long forgotten.
“I-.. I am. But I’m also very nervous, you know.” Taehyung only nodded, understanding Jimin’s feeling. He didn’t have to be nervous for his part when he finally lost his virginity to Yoongi. It just happened very naturally. For the two of them, it was kind of scheduled so Taehyung understood why Jimin would feel nervous. “I’m just hoping that all of this isn’t a mistake. I would hate myself if I ruined our relationship.”
“Jimin. Tell me honestly.” Taehyung spoke, making Jimin put all of his attention to him. “Do you find Jungkook attractive? Like- is he hot to you? Sexy? Straight to the point like. Yes or no? Tell me.”
Although Jimin blushed at the question, he didn’t hesitate in answering his best friend. “Yeah. I find him attractive. He is hot. If somebody ever says that Jungkook isn’t hot, then they are fucking lying.”
“Then there is no problem. Well, I don’t think there will be a problem if the two of you find each other attractive. Unless you make a problem out of it yourself and think too much about it.” Taehyung laughed, squeezing his friend as a sign of support.
Jimin pouted at this since he couldn’t deny it. He was the kind of person to always overthink things. He wouldn’t be surprised if he is the one to ruin things between him and Jungkook because he just couldn’t stop going through things in his head. Taehyung was right. Jimin should learn how to not overthink things and react as things happened.
That would be for another time though because it couldn’t help but torture his mind at the simple thought of the following weekend at Jungkook’s, feeling his stomach churn from anticipation and nervousness, his throat drying.
Jungkook and him alone…
Oh my god.
That was going to be very overwhelming.