Chapter Text
“You idiot.”
Ky almost dropped his books on his toes. He’d been too busy listening to the booming sound of a certain eagle laughing, surrounded by other eagles, to notice Ree had appeared right beside him.
“Did I do something wrong?”
Ree scowled. “Why did you have to tell me to be nice to Lyr?”
“...Sorry?”
The warning bell rang, so Ree just glared at him one more time before storming off. On his way to class, Ky couldn’t help his gaze snagging on Reamer, jaw clenched tight.
Despite what she said in the halls earlier, at lunch, Ree brought a guest with her to sit with the group.
“Hi… Lyr?” Scra said cautiously, eyes flickering to Ky, who tried to shrug subtly.
Lyr tossed her hair behind her shoulder, only offering him a brief glance with bright green eyes. “Hi.”
“Remember you have to be nice to my friends,” Ree reminded, slumping between her and Neekia. Ky watched Scra blush at being called Ree’s friend.
Besides that, lunch continued as normal, Neekia giving up her chips to Ree, Tiraa acting as a buffer whenever Ree or Scra got too heated over something, and Ky, unable to take his eyes off Scra, smiling whenever Scra smiled like he was a mere reflection. Lyr fit in well, despite being quiet at first, but they found that she was much easier to be around when she wasn’t trying to antagonize Ree. She even made jokes that had almost all of them laughing.
But though they were sitting next to each other, Ky noticed that Lyr was careful not to touch Ree, leaning away minutely whenever Ree got too close. Despite that, Ky could tell Lyr was in a good mood, her eyes shining and her shoulders relaxed for the first time since he’d known her.
It was something about seeing Lyr at lunch. Her constant awareness of where Ree moved, whether she reacted with a smile or a shrug to what Lyr said. Ky couldn’t get it out of his head.
Sometimes it feels good to leave things as they are. It’s easier to deny that there’s something else you want. But you have to take care of yourself, Tiraa had said.
“Ree?” Ky called. They were flying to Ree’s house to do a project together.
“Hm?” Ree responded around the lollipop hanging out of her mouth. Ree’s house became visible, a small beige building within a cluster of other houses. “Don’t worry, no one’s home,” she said as they landed on the asphalt. “What were you saying?”
“Ah,” Ky started as Ree unlocked her front door. “What happened between you and Lyr?”
Ree paused for half a second and then surged into the house like a wave. Ky followed.
When the front door was closed and a weak yellow lamp lit up the living room, Ree spoke, sprawled horizontally on the well-worn couch against the wall. “She told me she liked me.”
It wasn’t as if he’d predicted it, but Ky found himself unsurprised.
Ree picked at the armrest, trying to look uninvested. “She talked about this… fight we had a long time ago and explained that she… she’d wanted to be with me.”
“What did you say?” Ky sat down on the floor.
Ree glared at him for some reason. “What do you think I said? She’s been tormenting me—us—for years! Always trying to get us in trouble, whining, insulting… I can’t just suddenly see past all of that because she says she likes me.”
“But she was there during lunch.”
“Yes, obviously, Ky.”
Ky felt like he wasn’t the one being unreasonable here, but didn’t say anything.
Ree sighed. “I felt kind of bad for her. Plus, what you said affected me, I guess. I said we could be friends, but she shouldn’t expect to date me, like, ever.”
“That’s fair.”
“Yeah.”
They were silent for a while. Ky tried to work up the courage to say what he wanted to say.
“I…” Ree looked down at him in the corner of her eye. “Sorry to change the subject,” he said at first, voice hurried, heart speeding up in instinctual panic. He tried to swallow down his nerves, but he couldn’t. “I’ve just been thinking—”
“Hey,” Ree said, turning to sit up on the couch, eyes concerned. “You okay?”
Ky couldn’t answer. “I’ve just been thinking,” he repeated, trying to slow down his words. “What if I’m. What if I like guys?” As soon as the words left his mouth, Ky felt a welling up in his chest, in his throat, even though it felt like the words hadn’t registered in his brain. They were just words, but they weren’t.
Ree knew.
“Oh,” she said, but her face said more. She sat down next to him on the ground. “Well, that’s okay, of course. You know that.” Ky nodded. Any words he could have said were stuck in his throat. Ree exhaled in a huff and leaned back against the couch. “Is this the first time you’ve said it?” Ky nodded again. Ree looked over, offered a small smile. “I’m proud of you, Ky.”
Ky tried to smile, and Ree laughed quietly. She placed her hand on top of his.
“Thank you for telling me.”
Ky closed his eyes and tried to stop his whirring mind.
After realizing that he might be bisexual, Ky started to think about his feelings for Scra. At first, he thought Scra might’ve just alerted Ky to the fact that he found men sexually attractive. He was buff, had nice bone structure, and his smile sparkled in the sun. It could have been a purely physical reaction.
But as the weeks went on and the thought of Reamer and his relationship with Scra wore more and more on Ky’s nerves he was forced to face the possibility that he might feel more than attraction towards Scra.
During lunch, Ky would stare at Scra for longer periods of time than normal, weighing his feelings, trying to decide if he could get over this easily. He forgot to be subtle about it sometimes.
“Ky?” Scra’s smile faltered as he caught Ky’s gaze.
Ky blinked, trying to play off his stare. Ree coughed. Lyr watched with cool interest. “Yeah?”
Scra pinched the hem of his shirt, and Ky had the urge to catch his hand and hold it. “You were looking at me.”
“Oh,” Ky said, trying to force a laugh. “I thought I saw an eyelash on your face.” Scra’s hand flew up to his cheek. “No, it was just, uh. It was a trick of the light.”
“Oh,” said Scra. And now he looked embarrassed.
Neekia stole their attention then, demanding that Scra show her the essay he’d apparently written in eight minutes that was due their next class.
Ree was trying to catch Ky’s gaze, but knowing what he would find there, he avoided it.
Now that he was acknowledging how much he liked Scra, Ky saw through all his excuses. When he looked at Scra on his bike, “cool” wasn’t the only adjective his brain supplied, even when it had been the only one he’d acknowledged. Scra’s hair looked soft and Ky wanted to touch it. When Scra’s lips were parted, Ky wanted to put his against them. There was nothing else that it meant. Nothing else it could mean. And it was like the floodgates were opened.
Ky found himself thinking about Scra more; what it would be like to hold his hand, touch his cheek, make him blush. He wanted to be back on Scra’s bike, except this time press his nose into Scra’s shoulder.
He wanted to be the one taking Scra out on weekends instead of Reamer.
They’d been friends almost a year. Eventually, the letters were going to come up.
It was the rain.
Scra, Ky, Ree, Tiraa, and Lyr were huddled together against the wall of the school entrance in the morning, brushing water droplets off of their wings and laughing at Ky’s weather-inappropriate outfit. When the first bell rang, Scra and Ky went up the stairs together.
“It’s cold, but the rain is kind of refreshing. We really don’t get it much,” Ky said offhandedly.
“Ah,” Scra said, and when Ky looked at him he was smiling. “I forgot that I got you to like rain.”
Ky was surprised at Scra’s acknowledgement of the memory, his foot almost missing a step. Scra’s smile fell and he stepped further away.
“I’m gonna get to class. See you later,” he said, walking away as soon as they reached the second floor.
“Wait!” Ky yelled, but there were already ten people between them. Ky sighed, resigning himself to his own class.
Scra wasn’t there at lunch. Ky’s stomach dropped after seeing that Reamer was missing from his table, too. He picked at his food until Ree asked if she could finish it for him.
It was after their last class of the day that Ky ran into Scra again. He was walking so fast he could have been flying, almost. Ky cut him off.
“Can we talk?”
Scra grimaced. “I guess.”
Ky looked around at the crowd around them. “Let’s step outside.”
They ended up in a quiet corner of the parking lot under an overhang. Scra’s shoulders were near his ears, his shirt in his fist. Ky ached to touch him, hopefully to soothe, but he had no idea if that would just make Scra more uncomfortable. He kept his hands to himself and resisted the urge to cross his arms around his own torso like a hug.
“So, like. You remember the letters.”
Scra didn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah.”
Ky pursed his lips. “Why did you pretend you didn’t?”
A heavy few seconds passed as Ky waited for Scra to answer. Lingering raindrops dripped around them.
“I was new. I didn’t want to embarrass you,” Scra said.
“You wouldn’t have embarrassed me,” Ky replied immediately, heart aching.
Scra looked to the ground. “I didn’t know that. You and your friends are so big and important. You didn’t mention them much in the letters so I thought it was, like, another world. The outside world and…” he trailed off. The one we made , Ky finished in his head.
“Okay,” Ky said gently. “But why did you stop writing to me?”
Scra looked up. “What?”
Ky frowned. “Towards the end of the summer I wrote, like, three letters that you didn’t respond to?”
“Oh no,” Scra said, meeting Ky’s eyes in apology. “I moved. Here. There was a lot going on and for some reason I felt like we had ended our exchange?” Ky thought back to Scra’s last letter. Reassuring him that he was a good brother. “I didn’t see any new letters,” Scra continued. “I didn’t even think to send you my new address.”
Ky felt a mixture of mourning and relief. “I’m glad it wasn’t because you were mad at me.”
The wind blew Scra’s hair across his forehead. “No,” he said. “I wasn’t mad at you.”
Talking freely about the letters made Ky like Scra even more. Apparently he’d packed them to move and was now going through them. One day while at his locker, Ky felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked around to see Scra smirk at him and when he looked back, a container of oatmeal raisin cookies rested on top of his books. The next week, Ky returned the favor with a daisy.
During a lecture, Ky (who had also saved the letters and was now going through them) passed Scra a note that read, Who uses snail mail! He chewed on his pen as he watched Scra open the note, read it, and smile. Scra tossed him back a note that read, I guess we do. Lol.
They must’ve been acting differently during lunch too because near the end of that day, Neekia cornered Ky at his locker, her shoulder making a thumping noise as it slammed against the metal. “What’s going on with you and my cousin?” she demanded.
“What?” Ky responded, laughing, and then he ran away.
The lengthy interaction reminded Ky that things couldn’t stay like this forever. Scra was dating someone. What would Reamer do if he found out that Ky was leaving flowers in Scra’s locker? And hugging his pillow to his chest pretending that it was Scra? And daydreaming that Scra would dump Reamer in front of the whole school and then hop on his bike where Ky was already waiting to drive off into the sunset?
Obviously he would kill Ky. Or at the very least frame him for murder. Ky had a sister to think of, he couldn’t go to jail!
So he would have to tell Scra. The problem was that a substantial fraction of his heart felt like it had a chance. Scra was passing him notes back . Scra had packed his letters and was definitely rereading them. Ky wanted to protect himself from disappointment, prepare for it. But with hope, it was impossible.
A week passed before he gathered enough courage. Or rather, he got tired of staying up late at night thinking about it and wanted it over and done with.
“Scra.” They were walking out of the school, Ky at the back of the group. Everyone turned, but Ree pulled Tiraa, Lyr, and Neekia away.
Scra walked to his side. “What?”
Ky offered a smile, but he knew it was weak. “Let’s go somewhere a bit more private; I have something to tell you.”
They walked into an empty hallway and Ky led Scra into an alcove. One look at his face told Ky that Scra was nervous, and he felt guilty about taking so long to say it.
“I…” he rubbed the back of his neck, resisting the urge to cross his arms. “I know you have that thing with Reamer,” he began. “I just wanted to let you know. I like you.”
Scra stared at him, face unreadable.
“Like… romantically,” Ky’s mouth added without his permission. He watched Scra take a deep breath.
“Are you kidding me?”
It wasn’t exactly the response he’d expected.
Scra’s face held a mixture of emotions, none of which seemed very warm or comforting. “I liked you too!” he all but shouted. “I tried—but then you were like, ‘Go for it with Reamer, also I am very straight!’”
Ky was confused for a second before he remembered his own words, I don’t really know how it works between, like, two guys, so. He cringed at himself.
“I like you too,” Scra finished, voice quieter, but anger, or annoyance, still clear on his face behind his blushing cheeks. “But…”
“Reamer,” Ky said.
Scra looked confused. “What? No. I haven’t talked to him in a month. We weren't really compatible.”
Roaring triumph and relief flooded Ky’s chest, and the way Scra’s eyes squinted told him maybe he hadn’t kept it off his face.
“Oh,” he said lamely.
“But,” Scra repeated, a bit forcefully. “I just went through all the work of getting over you. Do you know how hard it was, with you always looking at me and smiling at me and sitting so close and—” he cut himself off, and Ky waited. “It was annoying.”
Ky couldn’t help a small smile. “Any other objections?”
Scra raised an eyebrow. “What?”
“Am I ugly? Too blonde? Does the height difference bother you?”
“You’re not that much taller you jerk—”
Ky stepped an inch closer, and Scra’s mouth snapped shut. “I don’t mind having to win you over again. If that's okay.”
Scra scoffed, high pitched and a bit panicked. The red on his cheeks was growing adorably. “Who says you're even capable, maybe my tastes have changed.” He looked up and met Ky’s eyes briefly. “Yes, yes, okay. Fine.”
Ky beamed. “Can I take you out?”
“Where,” was all Scra said, and then Ky kissed his forehead and he didn’t seem all that curious anymore.
Three weeks later, they had a picnic in the park. It was Lyr’s idea, and everyone had groaned about it at first, but Ky thought it was very nice. The way everyone was stretched out in the sun made him think they all secretly thought it was, too. His head was resting on Scra’s stomach, Scra’s fingers carding through his hair.
“Ky?”
“Hm?”
Scra paused, which got Ky’s full attention. “Do you want to meet Cyras?”
What a question. From what he’d heard, out loud and in the letters, Ky wasn’t exactly sure if he’d like Cyras. He seemed… scary. But he wanted to know Scra better, and Cyras was such a big part of his life. So there was only one answer, really. “Yes.”
Scra let out a sigh of relief. “Good, because I told him I’m bringing someone over for dinner. I was hoping it would be you.”
“What—tonight??”
Scra laughed sheepishly. “I was supposed to ask you a few days ago but I kept backing out. Sorry.”
Ky groaned, but then Scra looked genuinely guilty so Ky gave him a kiss to reassure him.
That evening, Scra picked him up from his house on his bike.
“Thank youuu,” Ky said, slipping on behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist.
“You are such a dork,” Scra muttered.
“Flying will mess up my hair!”
“Cyras doesn’t care what your hair looks like!” Scra laughed. “Although he might judge your outfit.”
“I’m trying to dress smart,” Ky wailed, and he didn’t get a response, just a laugh, before they were off.
Ky was probably right to be nervous. He’d never met someone who looked as intimidating as Cyras.
“Cyras, this is—”
“Cedoc,” the man had finished. “You have your father's… everything. Why didn’t you tell me it was him, Scra?”
And then he’d pulled Ky in for a firm hug. Ky tried to pat his back politely.
Conversation flowed easily enough throughout dinner. Cyras told Ky wild stories about his dad and Ky in turn told Cyras what high school was like nowadays, since apparently Scra didn’t like talking about those things with him. When Scra casually mentioned that he and Ky were dating, Cyras covered his surprise within a few seconds and didn’t dwell on it, which Ky could tell Scra appreciated. When he was walking out the door, Cyras told Ky that he was welcome back any time.
Ky blew out a breath, leaning against Scra’s bike parked in front of the house. “That was…”
Scra watched him, worried. Ky took his hand and pulled him closer.
“Great,” he finished. “He’s not as scary as I expected.”
Scra rolled his eyes. “He is scary. He’s just nicer to you because of your dad.”
“Good for me, then,” Ky said, smiling. Scra scoffed. “Hey, why did he make you move?”
Scra’s face fell and he looked away. “I came out to my friends and they didn’t take it well.”
Ky frowned. “Did they hurt you?”
Scra laughed humorlessly. “A bit. Anyway Cyras said his sister lived in a less homophobic area and something about how he’d always been planning to move back to where he grew up, closer to her.”
“Neekia’s mom.”
“Yeah. I don’t think he knew we were still writing to each other.”
Ky’s head fell forward and he rested his forehead on Scra’s shoulder. “I’m sorry that happened to you,” he said. “They shouldn't have hurt you. You don’t deserve it.”
“It’s okay,” Scra said quietly. Ky lifted his head and looked at him, brushed his knuckles with his thumb. There was barely any light but Scra still glowed. The night air painted his nose pink and Ky wanted to kiss him. He wanted to say It’s not okay. He wanted to show him.
“I…” Ky murmured.
“What?”
Ky pushed their noses together. “I’d kiss every inch of your face if I could.”
Scra smiled. “You can.”
And Ky did.
“Next you have to meet Keelee!” Ky called as he lifted in the air a few minutes later. Scra shouted something below him, but it was lost between the sound of rushing air and Ky's own laughter.
Keelee stared at Scra, unimpressed. Scra stared back, slightly panicked. Ky watched them, amused.
“Hmm,” Keelee said. Scra sent Ky a look that read, What does that mean??? and Ky tried not to laugh. Then Keelee turned around at sat on the floor of her room, which they were in, and started playing with the dolls strewn across her floor.
“Uh it was n-nice to meet you,” Scra said weakly. He was acknowledged with another “hm”.
Ky took Scra’s hand away from the hem of his shirt and pulled him over to Keelee’s bed so they could sit down.
“What are you playing today Keelee?” he asked.
Keelee held up one doll, a jackdaw with long, red hair. “This one is going to the grocery store but she runs into the man that kidnapped her family.”
Ky smiled. “Sounds interesting! Mind if we play?”
Keelee shook her head. “No, you don’t know what’s going on. You can watch.”
So Scra and Ky watched as a grocery store massacre was acted out, Ky reacting in ways that obviously pleased Keelee, gasping at the plot twists and booing the villains. When the story ended with a happy ending, Scra clapped politely for Keelee, and she gave him an approving nod.
Scra pointed to a tiny jar on Keelee’s dresser beside her bed. “This is pretty,” he said.
Ky looked over and deduced that it was some kind of makeup product.
“Yeah, Tiraa gave it to me but I don’t know how to use it,” Keelee said.
“Oh, I do,” Scra said, surprising Ky. And he took the jar and sat on the floor next to Keelee, explaining makeup in simple terms and winning her over bit by bit.
Ky,
They should be torturing you. It’s military school. That’s their job. YOU’RE the one who signed up for it, so you’re the only one to blame.
I’m joking (mostly). Sorry to hear about your sore muscles and eyebags—I sent you some stuff that’s supposed to help with the muscles. Find some friends good at astronomy and maybe you won’t have to stay up so late staring at maps. That should help with the eyebags. If not, Ree should have sent you a teddy bear she knitted herself. Isn’t it so creepy! I have full faith it will scare away any nightmares before they reach you, unless the nightmares are about the bear itself, in which case you’re screwed.
Yes yes, Tiraa and I have been watching after Keelee. I don’t know why you asked me to help since she barely tolerates me, but I’ve been good about it. Okay, she more than tolerates me and we actually had a very nice flight yesterday. But she obviously likes Tiraa way more than me either way. She obviously misses you a lot. I guess I kind of miss you too. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t mind having me around? Finally, you’re useful for something.
Even if there’s no rain there to remind you of me, doesn’t thinking of how there’s no rain to remind you of me count as you being reminded of me? There’s plenty of rain here which I think is super nice. It doesn’t remind me of you, since I’m the one who liked rain first, but don’t fret, there are plenty of other things that remind me of you. Like my bike. And ugly plaid shirts. And cookies. And when people wear glasses. And couples in public. And Keelee. Sorry, where was I going with this?
Ree is doing well. She and Lyr have started talking again from what I can see, but it seems precarious. That fight was pretty serious. Other than that, she’s excelling at work as absolutely everyone saw coming, and a promotion is probably headed her way. We still get lunch together often, even without you.
Neekia seems to be doing fine? She sends me updates on how she’s doing and random anecdotes like “I just saw someone cosplaying as a zombie worm at a bar” but never tells me what she’s actually doing at the moment. In her last text she said to send you a kiss and then a slap to cancel it out. Most of the words were misspelled so I’m assuming she was some kind of intoxicated when she sent it, but whatever I’m an obedient cousin.
Tiraa is also fine. We don’t talk as much, except when we see Keelee, but I hear a lot about her when Keelee and I are alone. She might be dating someone? Who knows.
Okay, that should be everyone. I hope you feel thoroughly caught up. I actually do miss you so I hope you’re getting really buff for me to make up for it. Or like, more buff than you already are. I love you. Ugh it’s more embarrassing to write that out than it is to say it out loud.
My hand hurts so I’m going to end this here. WRITE BACK TO ME SOON.
Looking forward to your muscly arms,
Scra
P.S. I finally found your note. Obviously it's been a while so the daisies died (sorry), but the ring was there. Come back to me and I'll give you my answer.
(Just kidding it's yes.)