Chapter Text
The mission handled successfully, the crew settled in for the flight back to home base. Sabine didn’t seek out Ezra, and he kept away from her as well. She found that she didn’t really like this, though, so accustomed as she was to his presence and being around him. He was so a part of her that not having him around felt lonely. Boring. Like a piece of her life was missing. Which was stupid – it hadn’t been that long that they’d been apart. And anyway, he and Kanan had missions together all the time that kept him and Sabine apart.
Right?
It didn’t feel right.
After dinner, the crew dug into the delicious pie. Zeb told a joke at Chopper’s expense, to which the little droid became VERY offended, and began hitting the Lasat repeatedly till Zeb begged him to stop. The crew howled with laughter, and Sabine’s ears naturally picked up Ezra’s. Her eyes shifted to him, to see his dip down to her mouth for some reason, which she covered to try to get her laughter under control. When she took her hand away again, though, she saw some of the cream from the pie stuck on it. Embarrassed, she swiped her upper lip, and more came off. Not even thinking further, she licked her top lip, then the base of her thumb where the rest of the cream was. Ezra watched her, swallowing.
“What’s your problem?” she asked him, cutting off a piece of the pie with the side of her fork. He just shook his head at her and took another bite of his own slice. “Oh, stars,” she moaned when she put the first bite in her mouth. “Nourishment is really important is Mandalorian culture, so we try to eat healthy, but this is the literally the best thing I have ever put in my mouth.”
Ezra snorted, and Zeb’s eyes tracked between the two of them. “Okay, something is going on here that I am not privy to, and I’m not sure I want to be privy to.”
“Do you even hear yourself?” Ezra asked her.
“Yes,” Sabine said smoothly. “And I am fascinating.”
Hera and Kanan, both finished with their pieces, stood from the table. “It’s your turn to do dishes, kids,” Hera said. “Make ’em sparkle.”
Ezra groaned. “Hera – ”
“Do you ever just accept a task without complaining?” Zeb cut in. “Really. I mean that genuinely.”
“Jedi don’t do dishes.”
“Stop it,” Sabine muttered. “You’re being intolerable.”
“You didn’t think so last night,” Ezra muttered back.
“ALL RIGHT,” Zeb burst out, jumping up from the table while Chopper shrieked. “You two need to work out whatever creepy teenage drama is going on between you. I am so done with both of you.” He stomped over to the sink and slammed his dish down into it. “Let’s go, Chopper.”
“You happy now?” Sabine asked. “You’ve angsted away everyone.”
But Ezra just shook his head and began clearing the table. Sabine picked up what remained as he started rinsing the dishes in the sink. She took a quick breath, pushed her annoyance at him out with it, and approached.
“C’mon, Ez, don’t be like this,” she said as she added her dishes and flatware into the tiny sink. “We’ll figure it out.”
“There’s not much to figure out when you won’t talk about it,” he replied crossly.
“We did talk about it.”
“We didn’t get anywhere.”
“I’m not sure where we’re supposed to go when neither of us knows where to go.”
Ezra switched the water off with a hard jerk of his wrist, picked up a towel to dry his hands, and turned to her. His face was stony. “You know very well where I want to go,” he said evenly.
Sabine’s lips compressed unconsciously, and her eyes darted away from his. She couldn’t hold his gaze. “Being mad at each other isn’t the way to do it,” she said after a moment.
“Yeah? Neither is sleeping together and then talking about it,” he pointed out, and fairly enough. “We were drunk, and it was stupid. Now we have to deal with the consequences. But it’s not going to just go away, much as you’d like it to.”
Sabine let out a sigh. He was right there. She did want to ignore it at this point, pretend it had never happened, have things go back to normal till she figured out exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it and when she wanted it. That wasn’t, however, very fair to him, she realized.
“You’re right,” she admitted, much as she hated to. The words hurt, and they didn’t come easily.
“ ’Scuze me?” He leaned toward her, hand on his ear like he had in the hotel room when she’d said his name the morning after. She considered punching him.
“Don’t be an ass,” she said instead, and in the back of her mind, she realized he was trying to lighten the situation – which made her fight a smile. “I said you’re right.”
Ezra turned back around to the sink and flipped the towel over his shoulder. “Jedi tend to be good at these sorts of things.”
The opening was too good. “Drunken hookups?” Sabine asked innocently. He snorted and started drying the plates off, handing them to her to put away.
“Figuring out emotions in a situation.”
“Oh, yeah, you’re sooo mature. Good for you,” she returned, not feeling the need to applaud him if he was trying to claim he was so mature and in touch with his feelings. He was hardly a full Jedi, and he was easily just as confused as she was.
They worked in silence until the dishes were done, and then Ezra turned to her again. Now that they didn’t have a task to distract them, the silence felt much more uncomfortable.
“So…” he said softly, the word heavy with implication.
“So…” Sabine replied back, her voice just as soft, and her not very willing to be the one to open up first.
Ezra sagged back against the counter, catching himself on the heels of his hands. Sabine tried to ignore his bare forearms and how his shirt looked rolled up to the elbows. It wasn’t like it was a new look on him. Just…new in this context, now that she’d seem him completely, totally naked.
She blocked that image from her head as her cheeks warmed, and she couldn’t help but swallow the lump that had appeared in her throat.
“Sabine,” he said calmly, “I know…” But he stopped again, as if he were going to give her a lecture and changed his mind. He held eye contact for a moment, and she made sure she did, too, much as she wanted to look away. However, when he broke it, it was somehow worse. “Look,” he started again, directing his words to the floor. His fingers gripped the counter tighter. “I have been thinking about this a lot, and I want you to know…I need you to know…that I’m okay if you want to move on from it. If you…” Still looking down, he swallowed. “If you want to pretend it never happened, chalk it up to a stupid mistake and leave it on Abindi and never speak of it again. It’s fine. I can live with that. Probably. I mean, the amount of therapy I’m going to need after this war is like, really massive anyway, so why not add another line item – ”
Without even thinking, Sabine stepped up to him, grabbed his face between her hands, raised it, and pressed her lips to his. She kissed him for a very long minute, and when she pulled away, he took in a deep, shaky breath.
“You know,” she said quietly, “I don’t think I would actually be okay with that after all.”
---
At breakfast the next morning, both Ezra and Sabine were in a much better mood. They were cheerier when speaking to each other, much more polite, and smiled more. Zeb’s eyes darted between them warily, a concerned, wide-eyed expression on his face that was mixed with not an insignificant amount of mortification.
“I don’t like this,” he said. “This is even worse than before.”
Ezra shrugged as he set Sabine’s caf down in front of her. “You said work it out. We worked it out.”
“Are you two…like…” He made the same gesture Sabine had made at the bar when talking about Obi-Wan and Satine Kryze.
Sabine, comfortable with her feet up on another chair, took a sip of her caf. “Mmhm.”
Ezra’s eyes went wide, and he looked at her in horror. “Wow, we’re…telling people, I guess?”
This time Sabine shrugged. “Don’t see any reason to keep it a secret, plus I figure he heard.”
Zeb covered his eyes. “Yeah, I heard. Does Hera know?”
From down the hall, Hera shouted, “Yes, Hera knows. Hera knew twenty-four standard hours ago.”
Sabine cringed as her face warmed, and Ezra looked chagrined, which made Zeb gloat. Out of the corner of her eyes, Sabine caught Chopper rolling into the room, completely silent.
Oh, this can’t be good, she thought.
Still silent, when usually the little droid announced his presence in grand form, he made his way over to where Ezra sat hunched over in his chair next to Sabine, arms folded on the table with one hand curled around a caf mug. Ezra scowled.
“What do you want, Chop?” he asked. “I thought you were flushing fluids in the Phantom?”
In response, the droid opened up one of his doors and ejected a flurry of small, square packets right at his face. Ezra held up his hands, fending them off, and they fell to the ground at his feet. When he looked down, his face turned bright red. Then he looked up at the droid again, furious. Even his hands were clenched into fists.
“Chopper, go away!”
Sabine, however, stifled her laughter with her hands over her mouth. Zeb didn’t even bother trying, just let it all out, slapping his knee at the fact that the droid had literally showered Ezra with condoms.
“Still think it’s a good idea to tell people?” Ezra asked Sabine. She just shook with laughter. “Hera!”
Ezra may have been totally humiliated, but it was a good prank, totally Chopper’s style, and Sabine figured that was the end of it.
But that wasn’t the end of it. Chopper was not yet done. He flashed a recording on the floor between Ezra and Sabine. It looked like a low-budget self-help holo from twenty years ago.
“Lads, what’s important to remember during sexual intercourse is that your lady’s pleasure must always come first. The boudoir is no place to be selfish. One of the things I personally find most inspiring when thinking about intercourse is the Jedi Order – ”
“HERA!!”
“When you engage in intercourse with your lady and make love to her, lads, think of yourself as a Jedi of old: responsible. Dedicated. Loyal. Patient. These are all qualities that make a good lover of today.”
“HERAAAA!!”
“And when we talk about pleasure, there is one thing you must know about,” the recording continued. “It is absolutely crucial to good intercourse.”
“All right, that’s enough, Chopper,” Zeb said. “Now you’re just making us all uncomfortable. Keep playing that recording, and I’ll shove your photoreceptor so far up your rocket, you’ll never see it again.”
Chopper sighed and shut the recording off, then grumbled to himself and wheeled out. Zeb looked over at Sabine and Ezra.
“You’re welcome,” he said. Then he stood from the table. “Whatever you’re doing, don’t do it around me.”
Once he was gone, Sabine got up as well, to deposit her empty caf cup in the sink. Coming back to the table, she said, “Well, that was awkward.”
“Yeah, little bit,” Ezra agreed. “You couldn’t have lied to him?”
Sabine shrugged. “He would’ve found out sooner or later, and Hera already knows. Which means Kanan knows. And Chopper found out somehow. Plus he, you know…heard.”
Ezra colored and covered his eyes with one hand, groaning quietly. “This is like that hotel all over again.”
“Well, maybe if you’d learn to keep it down – ”
His hand dropped, and his eyes snapped playfully to hers. “Oh, now I’m the problem? At least you weren’t cursing a blue streak in Mando’a this time, and invoking six generations of ancestors.”
“You understood that?”
“Uh, yeah, I looked it up.”
“Maybe we should find another place to hook up.”
Ezra stepped closer to her, pushing her back against the table, and flashed her a grin. “Maybe you should admit you like me a lot more than you think you do.”
Sabine rolled her eyes, though the thought made her stomach flip-flop pleasantly. “Please. Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Oh? Then why all the enthusiasm?”
With no other defense left, Sabine shoved at his shoulders, but he just laughed and leaned into her, pushing her back and down onto the table. He kissed her then, and she let him, smiling into it, her legs opening around him and pressing against his hips –
“Children…”
Ezra froze above her at the sound of Hera’s voice.
“What are you doing?” she asked mildly.
The moment of silence stretched out painfully long. “Combat practice?” he offered.
He backed away from Sabine, who awkwardly sat up from the table and turned to meet Hera’s gaze. Hera stood with her arms crossed at the entrance to the galley, a bemused expression on her face.
“Look – ” she started, but Ezra raised a hand.
“Hera, can we not?” he asked.
“No, I’m pretty sure we’re going to,” Hera said, voice light but firm. “I’m happy for you kids, but there are going to be rules around this.” She started ticking items off. “Be responsible, be safe, and put the mission first. No carrying on on the ship.” She glanced at the floor, where Chopper’s rain of condoms had fallen. Then she looked back up, and did not comment on it. “This is great. It’s good. But this can’t interfere with things. Okay?”
“Okay,” Sabine said in as confident a voice as she possessed, to convey that she was trustworthy and Hera didn’t need to worry about her. Hera had never had to, and she didn’t want her to start now – and over this of all things. With a nod, Hera left the room, leaving them alone. Ezra scratched his head awkwardly.
“So, uh,” he said. “That was weird.”
Sabine shook her head, rolling her eyes at the same time. “She could’ve been a lot harder on us. We need to get to work anyway.”
“Okay.”
Sabine started to leave the room, but turned back when her mind sifted through his simple response. He sounded…not like himself. Unsure. Quiet.
“You okay?” she asked. “C’mon, Hera adores you. She’s not – ”
“No, it’s not Hera,” Ezra interrupted. “I, um… You know, I’ve just never had a relationship.”
Sabine shrugged, unbothered. “So don’t think of it as one.”
That was the wrong response. His face fell. “Okay. What should I think of it as?”
“I don’t know,” Sabine replied, trying to quickly think of something. “Friends with benefits?”
Ezra’s face twisted up into a look of disgust. Apparently that was even worse.
“How about you just don’t think about it at all?” Sabine suggested, to which Ezra rolled his own eyes.
“After four years of thinking about it, I’m not going to start not thinking about it.”
Well, now she was starting to get a headache. Sabine rubbed her temples with her fingertips. “Ezra, this doesn’t have to be complicated. We don’t have to label it. We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to do. We are not exactly normal people.”
“Look, I’m plenty normal,” he replied, and she heard the dry tone that indicated he was about to make a jab at her. “You’re the one who wears armor into the bedroom.”
Oh, he was so not going to win at this. Sabine cocked a brow. “You’re the one who complains about his weapons being handled by a girl.”
Ezra pointed a finger at her, looking legitimately annoyed. “That was not a complaint. A lightsaber is – ”
“Very, very precious,” she said, nodding seriously. “Oh, I know. Don’t worry, I won’t touch it again.”
The amount of innuendo in her comeback flustered him, and he flushed and couldn’t come up with a quick response.
“That’s not…” he tried, but that was as far as he got. Sabine chuckled and crossed the tiny room again. She sensed his nervousness and anticipation as she got closer; it was almost as if she could hear his heart beating al little bit faster.
“You’re really going to have to up your game to keep up with me,” she said. “I mean, how are we going to sneak around Hera and Kanan to find places to have sex if you can’t even keep your wits about you in the galley with me?”
Giving up, Ezra shook his head and reached out to pull her closer to him. “Clearly I need more training,” he said. “Maybe tonight, hmm?”
Sabine snorted, but she didn’t pull away. “Maybe,” she replied, as if there were actually any doubt. Now her heart was pounding at the thought of them in her bed together, wrapped around one another. “We’ll see how it goes.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means you have to be on your best behavior.” She pushed closer to him, backing him against the table. “No teasing me, no pranks, do everything I say, et cetera.”
“Whaaat?” he said in flat disbelief. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Oh, you don’t know the rules of how to have a girlfriend?”
And that was it, she’d slipped and said it. Immediately she bit into her tongue, but then just as quickly wrinkled her nose and glared at Ezra as a smile crept up his face.
“Oh, so you’re my girlfriend now, huh?” he said.
“That is not what I meant – ”
“Mmhm.” His tone was doubtful, and he wrapped his arms around her and cuddled her, and she groaned and smacked his shoulder with the flat of her hand.
“Ugh, let me go, Ezra.”
“Oh, gods, it’s true,” Zeb said as he walked in, souding on the urge of vomiting. Sabine turned to see the Lasat covering his eyes with one hand. “I could have died a thousand deaths without seeing that.”
“So get your eyes off it,” Sabine snapped at him. Then she slapped Ezra’s wandering hand. “And you: hands off, Jedi. Bad. Especially with an audience!”
Ezra obeyed, with a mild, “Sorry, wasn’t thinking,” that he did not sound the remotest bit sorry for.
“I’m leaving,” Sabine announced. She left the galley, leaving Ezra to the mercy of Zeb’s questioning about logistics (“So does this mean I get the room to myself now? You guys aren’t going to mate in our room, are you?”). With a smile, she started her duties, occasionally glancing out at the stars and a distant spiral galaxy, its center burning bright. The sight made her smile, when it never had before. There was always another battle ahead, some other hardship, but for now, for the first time in a long time, she felt content.