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“You did what ?”
If Revali’s displeasure with the situation hadn’t been clear when he called Mipha into the castle hallway, it was more evident than ever now. Mipha stood a few feet across from him and peered into the lavishly-decorated dining hall; the long table was adorned with a variety of delicious appetizers and many seats lining the sides. Only a few sat at the table in that very moment, that being Princess Zelda, Impa, Purah, and one uninvited guest whom Revali hadn’t anticipated being there.
“Well, he just seemed so lonely out in the courtyard, so…” Mipha finally replied. “I asked him if he’d like to join us for your birthday dinner.”
Revali rubbed his forehead with his feathers and let out an elongated sigh at Mipha’s explanation.
“Are you serious?” He spoke. “I didn’t invite Link, Mipha!”
“I know, I know…” Mipha looked down sadly, fiddling with her fingers. “But I couldn’t stand to see Link so left out when we’re going to be having so much fun…”
“Tell him to leave, please.” He ordered her.
“But I think we all deserve a fun get-together after defeating the Calamity…” Mipha argued softly.
Revali let out a huff before preparing himself to walk back into the dining hall, resenting how close the defeat of Calamity Ganon had fallen to his birthday.
“No matter,” He said. “I’ll have to kick him out myself.”
“Oh, Revali, please!” Mipha cried desperately. “He won’t do us any bother!”
Revali glared at Link at the table as he happily ate away at some of the food. He couldn’t believe the nerve of Mipha, inviting his arch rival like that. His birthday dinner had been so carefully-- so precisely -- planned so that it would illustrate Revali’s excellence, grace, and poise.
“Please, Revali?” Mipha pleaded.
Before Revali could respond, a loud commotion from down the hall halted their conversation. They both looked to see Daruk coming towards them, a large, messily-wrapped gift in hand and a wide grin on his face. He greeted them cheerfully.
“Hey there!” Daruk exclaimed, patting Mipha on the back. “How’s it goin’, guys?!”
“Hello, Daruk…” Revali said, sounding nothing but unenthused.
“Happy birthday, Revali!” Daruk cheered.
Daruk suddenly scooped Revali up in his big arms and hugged him tightly, resulting in a horrified squawk from the birthday boy in question.
“Put me down this instant!”
Daruk complied with Revali’s request, chuckling slightly.
“Why are you both back here?” He questioned.
“Mipha invited a certain someone without my permission.” Revali explained. “My grand birthday dinner… I can’t have it ruined by him.”
Daruk looked in, his eyes immediately setting on Link. He let out a sigh before rolling his eyes.
“It’ll be fine,” Daruk reassured him. “Link’s your friend, isn’t he?”
“No.”
“Well, I betcha it won’t be so bad! Maybe he’ll get you a gift.”
Daruk picked up the large gift he had placed on the ground and began walking in.
“Please put the gifts in the pile over there!” Revali called to him, finally making his way back inside the dining hall.
Mipha followed them in as well and took her spot at the table.
After some time, all of Revali’s invited guests had arrived-- Princess Zelda, Impa, Purah, Daruk, Mipha, and Urbosa. Of course, Link was also there, but he didn’t exactly fit in with the category of “invited.” One of the possible invitees, Robbie, had been kicked off Revali’s list because he accidentally hit Revali in the head with a fork the week prior, causing it to get entangled in Revali’s feathers and, in Revali’s words, “ruin their beauty.”
In the corner of the dining hall sat Revali’s pile of gifts, tastefully finished with Revali’s gift to himself (a glorious portrait of the Rito champion himself). The group was engaged in a conversation about frogs of all things when Revali decided to switch subjects to something more appropriate for the occasion.
“I was practicing at the training grounds I had implemented earlier today,” Revali announced, speaking just loud enough to be heard over Daruk’s loud guffaws. “Now that the Calamity has been defeated, some of the Rito youth want to follow in my footsteps and become full-fledged Rito warriors. I’ve decided to make a team of talented archers in order to protect our home from any attempt at attack.”
Revali pointed his beak upwards in what could only be described as a dramatic stature of self-proclaimed excellence. The surrounding group was quiet for a few moments.
“That’s wonderful, Revali!” Mipha said, smiling at him from across the table.
Revali didn’t make an attempt to reply, for he was still mad at her for her audacity in inviting Link to his birthday dinner. He lowered his head to look at the group once more.
“I must say, it’s very generous,” Revali finished. “Even for myself.”
“Right,” Urbosa nodded slowly. “How have you all been doing out there? Are repairs coming along smoothly?”
“Of course,” Revali answered. “With me leading most of the efforts, I’d say it’s coming along wonderfully.”
“Same out there on Death Mountain!” Daruk exclaimed. “Morale’s been great.”
“I’m glad our efforts are finally paying off,” Princess Zelda said happily.
Suddenly, Revali’s gaze lingered on Link, who was having the time of his life with a pasta dish. His beak curled upwards in a sly grin as his eyes narrowed.
“So, Link, what have you, the chosen hero, done so far to repair the damage the Calamity has done?”
Link stopped eating, food dripping from his mouth, and stared up to meet Revali’s unfaltering stare. The table was silent until Purah whistled awkwardly.
“I mean, surely you’ve done something to help!” Revali said, a smug tone seeping from his voice. “You’re the chosen hero, aren’t you?”
“Revali, please,” Urbosa sighed. “Is now really the time?”
Revali scoffed at Urbosa’s words.
“I was simply curious!” He spat. “I never see him do anything other than trot around with-”
“He’s been doing a lot to help, yes.” Princess Zelda stepped in.
“Ah, I see…” Revali muttered. “Like what, exactly?”
The group was silent once more.
“Look, there’s Terrako with Revali’s special birthday dish!” Impa shouted, forcing a grin.
Sure enough, in walked Terrako pushing a platter of shimmering salmon-- one of Revali’s favorite foods. Some other chefs followed quickly behind with other dishes for each of the guests. Each dish was placed in front of the guests, their senses enveloped by the wonderful smells of the food. Terrako marched around the table, buzzing orders around at the various chefs loudly. Impa shook her head at the chef’s apparent fear of Terrako’s potential fury.
“Of course, Chef Terrako. I’ll bring the lamb sauce right away.” One of the chefs said in reply to Terrako’s sounds.
“This looks absolutely delicious!” Daruk gasped.
Link nodded in agreement, his eyes widening at the main course presented in front of him.
“Before we begin eating, I’d like to make a toast!” Revali announced, picking up his glass, a fork, and standing up on his chair.
He hit the cup a few times with the fork. This action was a bit unnecessary as everyone was already paying attention to him, but Revali took no notice of this fact and instead continued.
“I’d like to thank almost everyone sitting in this lovely dining hall today for making the right decision in celebrating me, the most talented and adored Rito in all of Hyrule’s history, and my grand birthday. I want to take this moment to-”
A sudden sound interrupted Revali’s speech, resulting in his pause. The group looked around in confusion-- there was a knocking at one of the doors.
The knocking stopped just as soon as it started, and Revali took this chance to speak again.
“I’d like to take this moment to appreciate my unwavering talent, charisma, and-”
Just as Urbosa was about to roll her eyes, the knocking returned. Everyone’s expressions turned to looks of confusion.
“Who could that be…?” Revali hissed with a scowl. “Someone check the door this instant.”
No one rose up from their chairs despite the continuous knocking.
“Ahem, could someone please get the door?!” Revali asked again. “Don’t expect me to do all the work. It’s my birthday, after all.”
“I’ll get it,” Mipha offered, rising out of her chair and making her way towards the noise.
She opened the door slightly and let out a gasp when she saw who was waiting on the other side.
“Master Kohga?!”
The entire room erupted into surprise.
“What’s he doing here?!” Impa questioned.
“I… I don’t know!” Princess Zelda replied, shocked. “He was supposed to meet here with my father today, but that was hours ago.”
“What could he possibly want?” Urbosa said in a low tone, narrowing her eyes at where Master Kohga was peeking his head through the crack.
“Oh, hi, guys…” He peeped. “What’s going on over here?”
“Oh, uh, we…” Mipha began. “We’re just having a little dinner to celebrate Revali is all.”
“That’s nice… that’s fun…” Master Kohga replied, looking around the dining hall. “Are you all having a good time?”
Master Kohga sniffled ever-so-slightly before speaking again, not allowing Mipha to answer his question.
“I was here to have a lil’ ol’ peace meeting with the king… and I couldn’t help but hear all the fun you were having in here, so I came to check it out. I’m trying to relax a bit ‘cause tomorrow I have a meeting with Urbosa. Oh, hi, Urbosa!”
He waved enthusiastically at the Gerudo chief.
“I’ve been awfully lonely without my right hand man around, y’know?” Master Kohga continued.
“That must be hard,” Mipha spoke awkwardly, nodding her head slowly.
“Could I join you for the dinner?!” He blurted.
“No, no, no…!” Revali muttered, stumbling out of his chair.
“Well, I suppose we could ask-” Mipha answered, but was cut off by Master Kohga dancing past her.
“Thanks, guys!” He exclaimed, plopping down right next to where Revali sat.
Revali stared at him, horrified.
“But this is my birthday dinner!” Revali stammered. “You weren’t invited-”
“Oh, it’s your birthday?” Master Kohga interrupted yet again. “Happy Birthday, bud! Here, wait, I’ve got the perfect gift for ya!”
Revali did nothing but gawk at Master Kohga in a mixture of terror and resentment. After a few moments of Master Kohga grabbing at his pockets, he pulled out a mostly-browned banana and gently placed it on Revali’s plate, giving it a tender and gentle few pats. Revali looked at the gift in disgust and picked it up as carefully as he could in a desperate attempt to rid of the present.
“So what’s for dinner?!” Master Kohga asked excitedly, looking at the plates of food on the table.
“Excuse me,” Revali squaked. “Could I continue my speech?!”
“Of course,” Princess Zelda told him, smiling desperately.
“Thank you.”
Revali rose his fork and cup into the air a third time and struck it to send the sound out across the quiet table.
“Before I was RUDELY interrupted,” He spoke. “I would like to thank mostly everyone here-- excluding some people who will not be named-- for joining together to celebrate my talent, beauty, and overall excellence. I know, I know. You don’t have to thank me for being this amazing. I can see by the looks of astonishment on all of your faces that I have been an inspiration to all of you. While you should most definitely be thankful for this gift I have given you, do not fret-- my generous soul expects no thanks, unlike some people sitting at this table.”
He looked to Link, who was yet again eating away at the dish in front of him.
“ Ahem ,” Revali coughed. “I’m speaking here.”
Link still didn’t look up from his meal.
“Link!” Princess Zelda whispered, nudging him with her elbow.
Link jumped at her jab, looking around in a panic. His eyes finally set on Revali’s disgusted expression. He gave Revali a food-filled grin. In response, Revali shivered at the sight.
“Anyways, I believe now is the time to continue my observations of my greatest achievements as the best Rito warrior and the renowned Rito Champion…”
Around the table, the reactions were somewhat mixed; Link, Princess Zelda, and Mipha listened to Revali with pained grins plastered on their faces. Meanwhile, Impa was staring off into space with Purah playing around on the Sheikah Slate beside her. Urbosa was rubbing her temples with every word Revali spoke. Daruk seemed to be falling asleep ever-so-peacefully. Lastly, Master Kohga was eyeing the plates of food in front of him.
“I believe it was those early years of recognized talent that truly proved my glory and excellence, even at my young age. My talent seemed to soar from there! ‘Soar,’ oh, how clever I am! I don’t think I’m wrong to assume it was also my superior intellect that set me apart from the other young Rito. The brains it took to solve some of the problems I faced was truly a sight to see. Not before long, I was more talented than my teacher himself. It was truly--”
Revali suddenly paused.
“Wait, what are you doing?! THAT’S MY SALMON!”
He pointed an accusatory feather at Master Kohga, causing the entire group to face where Master Kohga sat. On his fork was what little remained of Revali’s special birthday dish.
“Uh oh,” Purah muttered.
Master Kohga looked around in confusion.
“Oh, was this yours?” He asked.
“Yes…” Revali replied, twitching ever-so-slightly. “That was mine.”
“My bad, my bad,” Master Kohga apologized. “Don’t worry-- it wasn’t that good, anyways.”
Revali took in a few breaths and the group could sense the explosion coming.
“First… he comes uninvited…” Revali said, glaring at Link. “Then… my toast and speech are completely ruined … and then… HE shows up and eats my salmon!”
“Revali, it’s alright!” Princess Zelda exclaimed. “We can have the chefs prepare another one for you!”
“It’s not alright!” Revali cried dramatically. “This is a complete and utter NIGHTMARE!”
“I could try hurling it up?” Master Kohga offered with a shrug. “Won’t taste too bad, I think.”
“You are disgusting .” Revali shuddered. “I can’t believe this… I can’t believe this.”
“Revali, please calm yourself.” Urbosa sighed. “Nothing is ruined. You’re just being overdramatic.”
“I am not being overdramatic!” Revali shouted. “They’re ruining everything!”
He pushed his open wings at the innocent Link and Master Kohga.
“We’ll get the chefs to make you another salmon, alright?” Princess Zelda said in an attempt to soothe the raging Rito.
“Yeah! It’ll all be fine!” Daruk spoke. “Calm down, Revali!”
“I can’t believe this horrid treatment is what I get on my birthday…” Revali muttered. “I am disgusted… I am revolted…”
“Erm, how about we watch Revali open his gifts?” Mipha suggested timidly. “We could do so while we wait for his new salmon to be cooked!”
Revali took in another breath after hearing Mipha’s words.
“Finally, a decent idea,” He huffed. “Everyone, I will be opening my gifts now!”
The group followed Revali to the corner of presents with a large, velvet throne sitting beside them. Revali wasted no time at all getting himself comfortable as everyone else sat on the ground. Once settled, Revali firmly pressed the tips of his wing feathers together in anticipation.
“Well?! Who’s going to be the lucky guest to hand me my gifts?!”
The group sat still for a moment, staring at each other with both wide eyes and tired expressions. Finally, Purah shrugged her shoulders in a silent acceptance.
“I’ll do it, I guess.”
Purah made her way over and picked a gift off the top of the pile. She handed it to Revali, who delicately placed it in his lap.
“Now, who’s this one from?” He asked, squinting his eyes at the tag.
“That one’s from me,” Urbosa piped in. “I thought you might like it.”
Revali began to neatly undo the festive wrapping. However, before he could get even a decent look at the gift, a commotion from the other side of the dining hall stopped him in his tracks. The group looked over in shock, light from the outside pouring into the room.
“Sooga?!”
With shocked expressions, everyone watched as the infamous Yiga blademaster marched towards them, hale and hearty. Master Kohga stumbled up from where he sat on the ground and ran to the familiar face.
“Sooga! You’re alive?!” He stammered, pulling the taller man into a hug.
“Yes, I’m alive…” Sooga replied, picking up his manz.
“How?!” Impa questioned, rushing to the duo. “We thought Astor killed you!”
“Just don’t question it,” Sooga told them. “I’ll explain when the DLC is announced and released.”
“The what?”
“Nevermind that,” Sooga said, dismissing the group’s confusion yet again. “I’ve been searching all over Hyrule to find you again, Master Kohga. What are you doing away from the hideout?”
“Oh, yeah,” Master Kohga sighed as he was placed on the ground. “I have to do community service now. It’s the worst… I have to follow Impa around and do all this dumb stuff when what I’d prefer to be doing is taking a nice nap-”
“You should be thankful the King even considered forgiving you!” Impa exclaimed.
Master Kohga looked as if he were about to retort, but Sooga held up a single hand.
“Please, don’t argue,” He said. “Master Kohga, I have something I must ask of you.”
Meanwhile, Revali was sitting by himself by the pile of gifts. Everyone excluding himself was over by Sooga, astonished at the fact that he had been alive the whole time. Revali was starting to grow more and more annoyed with every passing moment.
“Um, hello?!” He shouted. “I’m about to open gift number one!”
The group didn’t seem to notice him.
“GUYS!”
Revali got up and stomped over to where the group had migrated. He showed up just in time for Master Kohga to reply to Sooga’s previous statement.
“Yes, Sooga…?”
“I had been meaning to ask you this before the Calamity showed up… and before Astor tore us apart…” Sooga explained. “I know that now is finally the time. I can’t hesitate with this anymore.”
Master Kohga and some members of the group gasped as Sooga knelt down on one knee, offering a small box upwards. Letting out another gasp, Master Kohga covered his mask with his hands in shock. In the small box was a glimmering banana ring adorned with diamonds.
“Master Kohga,” Sooga half-whispered. “Will you marry me?”
“Oh my God, YEAS!” Master Kohga answered.
The group was confused at first, but slowly erupted into clapping when Daruk started quickly pounding his hands together joyfully. He wiped a single tear from his eyes as Master Kohga and Sooga embraced.
“So beautiful,” He cried.
Revali stood as the only silent member of the group. He had just about had it.
Huffing, he stomped away from the happy couple and celebrating group, past the pile of unopened gifts, and out the door. He slammed it as loud as he possibly could, hoping to gain at least some attention. Standing in the hallway afterwards, he waited to see if anyone followed him. There was nothing.
About twenty minutes later, Mipha found herself standing in front of one of the castle’s many drawing rooms. She was nearly certain that Revali was inside; the sound of distant sobbing was overpowering and the door was locked. Knocking on it gently, Mipha spoke:
“Revali? Are you in there?”
There was no reply-- only more crying.
“Revali? Are you alright?”
“What do you want?!”
“Revali, please come out. Everyone misses you!”
The door finally opened a crack, revealing Revali standing behind it.
“Please come back to the dining hall,” Mipha told him. “It’s your birthday dinner, isn’t it?”
“Nobody cares about me!” Revali cried. “They only care about those annoying Yiga scum… even though it’s my birthday dinner!”
“That’s not true, Revali!” Mipha replied. “Everyone misses you so much!”
“Really?”
They both went quiet for a few seconds to hear what was going on in the dining hall. Much to Revali’s shock and horror, what they heard was nothing but laughter and sounds of pure joy. Whatever had been the conversation topic brought the entire room to such a volume that most words could be heard by both Revali and Mipha. After hearing the noise, Mipha looked away in silent embarrassment. Suddenly, Master Kohga’s voice rang throughout the area:
“Is that cake for us ?!”
Revali’s beak froze. His eyes didn’t move. The Rito Champion was entirely still.
“Uh… Revali?” Mipha peeped. “Are… are you alright?”
Finally, he twitched.
“That’s it.” He spoke. “That. Is. It.”
“Uhm…”
“I have HAD IT!”
Revali marched right past Mipha, down the hall, and stood right in front of the dining hall. He swung the doors open to find everyone about to eat the birthday cake… His birthday cake. Just as Master Kohga held the cake knife above the masterfully-made frosting, preparing himself to cut, Revali let out a squawk that drew the entire room’s attention to him.
“DROP THAT UTENSIL!”
“Oh, hey, Revali,” Master Kohga waved. “Want some cake?”
In place of a reply, Revali stomped towards Princess Zelda and pointed a single feather at Master Kohga and Sooga.
“Make them leave RIGHT NOW!” He exclaimed. “AND YOU!”
He changed targets and pointed at Link.
“GET OUT!”
“Do not speak to the princess that way!” Impa shouted.
“But they’re ruining my dinner!” Revali growled. “This feast was planned perfectly, and now it’s being tainted by these-”
“I apologize!” Mipha cried, finally having caught up after Revali stormed away. “It was my idea to invite Link. I wouldn’t have done so if I knew it would make you this upset.”
“There’s no need to apologize, Mipha.” Daruk responded.
“He’s right,” Urbosa added. “Revali over here is just being a little bit dramatic.”
“I AM NOT BEING DRAMATIC!” Revali screeched. “My birthday dinner is completely ruined! My entire reputation has been humiliated !”
“Revali, I don’t- I just wanna know why-” Master Kohga interrupted, his arms folded.
“You know what? Don’t even speak to me.” Revali hissed. “Don’t even speak to me.”
Sooga let out a gasp at Revali’s audacity in responding to Master Kohga in such a way. Master Kohga flipped his wrist and cocked his head, seemingly just as surprised.
“Oh, why can’t I speak to you?!” Master Kohga questioned.
“Because I don’t want to speak to you.” Revali answered bluntly.
“I don’t understand why you’re so upset,” Master Kohga continued. “Are you afraid we’ll just steal your spotlight?”
Revali scoffed loudly.
“ You ? Please. As if an overweight Yiga scum and his sidekick could ever outshine me,” He snarled. “You sure did try, though. You had the nerve to try. And where did you try to do it? You did it at my birthday dinner .”
Abruptly, a chunk of cake flew towards Revali at lightning speed, shocking everyone in the room. Even Sooga appeared to be taken aback as he softened his clenched fists. All turned to Master Kohga, the cake residue still on his gloved hand.
The entire room was silent once more. The pure quietness finally ended when Revali positioned both wings in front of his face and he slowly wiped off the cake.
“Oh, that was good…” Revali said, a slight, terrifying shake in his voice.
He menacingly approached Master Kohga.
“No, I didn’t mean to do that,” Master Kohga tried not to laugh. “I didn’t even know I had the cake in my hands.”
“Master Kohga, please,” Sooga placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to stifle laughter as well.
“I apologize,” Master Kohga chuckled. “I thought the witch would melt.”
“Well, I didn’t mean to do THAT either!” Revali shouted, chucking the cake residue back at Master Kohga.
Sooga jumped in the way just in time-- the cake splattered across his abdomen.
“How dare you…?” Sooga said, his voice low.
“You tried to hit me!” Master Kohga exclaimed as he hid behind Sooga. “He just tried to hit me!”
Sooga grabbed another chunk of the cake and aimed it at Revali.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Revali muttered.
Paying no attention to Revali’s warning, Sooga threw the cake at Revali, hitting him spot-on. After letting out an offended gasp, Revali flew towards the cake, drawing out his bow and arrows. The arrows were soon covered in cake and being shot at Sooga, who was racing around the room to dodge the cake missiles. Meanwhile, the rest of the group was huddled under the table for protection.
“What is going on?!” Impa questioned desperately.
“Link, don’t eat the cake off the ground!” Princess Zelda cried.
Mipha was partially crying, Urbosa and Daruk were laughing, and Purah was filming the fight with the Sheikah Slate.
“Stop filming!” Impa demanded.
“I-I wasn’t looking!” Purah stammered. “I was over this way…”
“That’s ridiculous!” Impa sighed.
Sooga and Revali’s battle continued, though no one could tell which side was winning: cake flew back and forth between the two, splattering against the wall, ceiling, and floor. Chairs were being used as makeshift shields from the food. Every second, there was another unintelligible boom. Underneath the table was the only place of safety.
Meanwhile, King Rhoam was standing outside the dining hall, preparing himself to go inside and present Revali with a special birthday gift-- a lovely bow with the Rito emblem engraved into the wood. He hoped to please the Rito champion with the gift as both a present and a great thanks for helping aid the kingdom of Hyrule in the battle against Calamity Ganon. Resting his hand against the doorknob, King Rhoam silently rehearsed what to say as part of his speech by the dinner table, its memorability hopefully helped by the deliciousness of the food and castle setting. He gave a small smile as he finally opened the door. Truly, he missed grand dinner parties such as those.
The dinner party he had envisioned was not what he was met with.
Instead of a table filled with chatting guests, nearly all of the party attendees were ducked underneath it. King Rhoam immediately recognized the two not under protection from the flying wads of cake and icing. He tried to speak but was too shocked to form any words. Suddenly, Master Kohga got up from underneath the table and stood atop it, raising his voice.
“I apologize,” He announced. “On behalf of the Yiga clan.”
The dining hall was truly a terrifying sight unlike anything held before.