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i love everybody (because i love you)

Summary:

Her smile faltered, replaced by concern. "Is everything alright? I know I'm not your team, but you can talk to me any time, you know."
Vidal smiled weakly and rubbed the back of their nervously, fingers scrubbing against the shorn edges of their undercut. "It's… it's about my team, actually. Sort of."
Diana's concern was swiftly replaced by worry, tinged with anger. "Did something happen? Did they do something?"
"No, no!" They insisted, placing a reassuring hand on her arm. "My team is fantastic, I just… I've been thinking about…" They bit their lip. "Feelings."

In which Vidal struggles to verbalize their feelings

Notes:

This is my second time projecting my complicated feelings towards romantic relationships onto characters but like at least this time it's an original character that I feel have full rights to do whatever the fuck I want with, right? Can't be an incorrect interpretation if it's your own damn character.
Admittedly, not all of the characters featured in this are mine-- Vidal and Diana are, but Blue belongs to kineticallyanywhere, Lori belongs to stainedglassbirds, and Jasper belongs to GeraldTheFabulousGiraffe.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Vidal tapped their pencil on the library table impatiently, golden-brown eyes glued to the door as they tried and failed to make progress on their math assignment without the help of Diana.

At the beginning of the semester, being told by Lionheart that their failing math grade put their position at Haven at risk was like a death sentence. After what happened with their father last spring, they couldn't go back home, especially not if they'd failed out of school. The only way they could prove their father wrong-- to prove themself right was to get help. Diana, beautiful, brilliant Diana, had offered her help, despite the fact that this was supposed to be her exchange year, her year of fun and exploration.

They didn't deserve her.

"How goes it?" Her hand rested on their shoulder, peering over to look at the sheet of problems. "Not well, huh?"

Vidal turned their head, earning a brief kiss to the cheek as Diana pulled out the chair next to them and sat down, pulling out her textbooks.

"I've been thinking…" they admitted, twirling the pencil between their finger-tips.

Diana's lips quirked into a teasing smile. "A dangerous act."

They offered a smile in return, but it was tense, forced and layered with anxiety. "We need to talk."

Her smile faltered, replaced by concern. "Is everything alright? I know I'm not your team, but you can talk to me any time, you know."

Vidal smiled weakly and rubbed the back of their nervously, fingers scrubbing against the shorn edges of their undercut. "It's… it's about my team, actually. Sort of."

Diana's concern was swiftly replaced by worry, tinged with anger. "Did something happen? Did they do something?"

"No, no!" They insisted, placing a reassuring hand on her arm. "My team is fantastic, I just… I've been thinking about…" They bit their lip. "Feelings."

Her eyebrows furrowed, but she relaxed, settling into her seat and watching Vidal intently.

"I, um…" The words stuck in their throat, struggling to find a way to make this mess of emotions roiling within them make sense. "The first boy I liked was pretty much my first friend, outside of my family at least. He was the local blacksmith's son, and he was helping me design and build my weapons for combat school, you know? So, for months, we worked together, and we got close, and… after a while, I realized that I just wanted to know him, y'know? Like, he was my best friend at the time, and I knew him pretty well, but I just wanted to know him better. I'd heard all of my siblings and cousins talk about their crushes, so I assumed that was what I was feeling. I kissed him behind his father's forge and…" They gripped the pencil in their hand tighter at the memory. "It didn't go well, exactly, but… that was it, you know? My big first relationship."

Diana pursed her lips, nodding.

"And that's… that's how I feel about you ." Their eyes met hers, briefly, before darting down to the table, heat rising to their cheeks. "I know you, but I want to know you. And I call you my girlfriend because we kiss and…" Their cheeks flushed hotter. "And stuff."

Her hand reached over and held Vidal's steady, rubbing a reassuring thumb over their knuckles.

"But the thing is, I don't… I don't feel just that way just about you ." Their hands started to shake, but Diana gripped them tighter, a reassuring grounding feeling. "I feel that way about my team too. Blue, Lori, Jasper-- I know them, I've known them for a couple years now, but I want to know them. And even though they're my friends, my family , really, the way I feel about you and them, it's-- it's the same. I just do different things with you than I do with them. Which doesn't mean that I don't think about non-platonic things in regards to my team, I mean… I've thought about kissing them more than I probably should, since they're all pretty much asexual and/or aromantic, and I would never do that knowing they're uncomfortable with romantic behavior, but I just--" The words all poured out, a rush of anxiety and feelings rushing to be heard. "I wanted you to know."

Diana sat for a moment, simply rubbing at Vidal's knuckles in a repetitive, comforting motion. "It doesn't change anything," she finally decided. "I'm glad you told me, I'm glad you felt like you could tell me-- but it doesn't change how I feel about you. It doesn't matter to me, if your feelings are muddled and confusing, if you're attracted to your friends and teammates, hell, if you want to date your teammates. So long as you want me, I'll be here. My feelings for you… they're clear." Her round, freckled cheeks ruddied, a shy smile gracing her lips as she glanced up and met Vidal's eyes. "I love you. And I want to see you happy."

Something inside Vidal broke with those words, the reassurance that even though their feelings for their girlfriend and their best friends had no great divide, that loving not only more than one gender but more than one person didn't make them broken or useless… it was more than they'd gotten from their family, all those years ago, getting caught kissing a boy in a barn.

 

“It was Blue first, y’know,” they mentioned one night months afterward, legs intertwined on the couch, arms around her waist. “Freshman year, doing all of that extra training to make sure I kept up, and I thought it was just… Daddy issues, an authority figure who was my age, had a habit of pinning me to the ground.” Diana laughed, rocking back against their chest. “Look, you do hours of extra hand-to-hand practice with a person that makes not getting your ass handed to you immediately sound like an accomplishment, and you see what sort of feelings you get!” They fired back, grinning all the while. “But he’s wonderful, you know? Always so earnest and encouraging. It’s hard not to like him.”

“And what about the others?” she asked, threading their fingers together absentmindedly.

“Do you know how many nights I’ve fallen asleep next to Lori? How many times I’ve laid there, listening to their heartbeat, thinking to myself that this could be forever? And Jasper…” They grinned. “You remember when Blue ate all of their brownies?”

Another full-bodied laugh. “How could I forget?”

“Well, Jasp and I, we do that sometimes. I’ll make something up, we’ll go up to the roof, and we’ll just get high and stare up at the sky. Talk about everything and nothing, y’know?”

Diana hummed, the echo resonating in Vidal’s chest. “That sounds nice.”

“It is . And, y’know, I would never try to talk any of them into something they didn’t want, but sometimes I think… How nice it would be to kiss Lori good-night, or help Jasper preen their wings, or--” They buried their face in her neck, smothering the burn of embarrassment at voicing the things they’d kept to themself for what felt like an eternity.

“Well, I can’t speak for your teammates,” Diana told them, leaning back into the pressure. “But you can kiss me good-night any time.”

Vidal laughed, craning their neck to kiss her lips, smiling as the ruckus of end-of-term celebrations rose.

“Lori!” Blue’s voice rose over the crowd, followed by a shattering noise and a yelp, the flutter of wings.

“Should probably go see what that’s about,” Diana mused.

“Last I checked, I wasn’t the responsible member of this team.”

Diana laughed into the next kiss, before climbing out of Vidal’s lap and dragging them up with her.

Notes:

The relationship that NAVE has is honestly my favorite thing, because it's so loving, but the more time I spend in Vidal's head, the more I realize that their feelings towards their friends align with my own. It's... Complicated. Where most might be able to easily that the fondness they hold for someone is strictly platonic or romantic, my feelings tend to reside in a more... nebulous gray-area of sorts. Where it doesn't really matter whether the person is a close friend or a romantic partner, I'm simply happy to be around them-- albeit as I come to terms with said feelings, there tends to be more urges for romantic behaviors.
This is what I gave Vidal, and what I gave Agatha in my last fic exploring my relationship with romantic attraction. NAE are Vidal's closest friends, they know them better than anyone else has in their lifetime. For a decent amount of time now, while writing interactions between Vidal and the rest of their team, I've felt something similar to my own feelings. A desire to be closer, to be more, that's not necessarily romantic in nature but just as strong. It's strongest with Lori, their partner in combat, and Sherbs and I have talked about Lori and Vidal having a queerplatonic relationship before, but... It's not just Lori. And I wanted to explore that here, particularly considering Vidal's long-term romantic relationship with Diana (who, in this fic, they've been dating for a very brief amount of time, but their relationship will span six years in the end).

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