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“We’re confirming it tomorrow. I wanted you all to hear it from me not. Not them,” Hyojong’s eyes are closed and he’s breathing deep through his nose like he’s trying not to panic. Hui’s never seen him so scared. He wants to take his hand but Wooseok and Hongseok beat him to it.
“Hyung, why are you scared? The fans won’t care. They’ll support you, they love you,” Wooseok doesn’t understand. Of course he doesn’t understand. He has no idea how these things work.
The company would never let Hyuna be in a public relationship, she made them too much money as a sex symbol. Hyojong made them too much money as a bad boy. They weren’t meant to be attainable. The fans couldn’t find out.
“Wooseok-ah,” Hyojong says, his voice cracks and he shakes his head. “Wooseok-ah, they’re going to terminate our contracts. They’re forcing us out of the company.”
“So we’ll go somewhere else! We’re family, we’ll stick together,” Wooseok is confident in a way that Hui wishes he could be.
“Not you, Wooseok. Just us. Just me and Hyuna,” Hyojong explains and it’s so quiet, it’s so broken.
Hui knew it was coming, of course he knew, but hearing it didn’t make it easier. It felt like there was a hand around his windpipe keeping him from getting any air in.
“Hyung? Hyung, breathe, you have to breathe.” He doesn’t know where the sound is coming from, isn’t sure if it’s even directed at him. It sounds so far away. Hui finally blinks when he sees the hand waving in front of his face. Changgu is holding onto his arm and looks worried. “Hyung are you okay?”
Is he okay. Hyojong is leaving and Changgu wants to know if he’s okay. He can feel everyone looking at him now, it’s not supposed to be about him, this is about Hyojong. He doesn’t know how to move their attention, he looks to Jinho for help.
“Come on. Let’s go back to the other dorm, I’ll order ice cream and we can watch a movie,” Jinho tells everyone. Hui nods his thanks.
Changgu looks like he doesn’t want to let Hui go but Shinwon whispers something in his ear and he gets up to leave with the rest of them. Hui closes his eyes as they all put on their shoes and file out.
He hears Hyojong take a breath to speak and cuts him off before he can say anything.
“Don’t. Can we just-” he doesn’t know how to finish. He doesn’t know how to ask for what he wants. What he needs.
“Yeah. Yeah Hwitaek of course. Anything,” Hyojong tells him.
--
This wasn’t the first time they’d ended up in bed together. Hui had never been good at sleeping alone- had never been good at sleeping period. Hyojong made it easier for him. They’re tangled together so tight Hui doesn’t know where he ends and Hyojong begins. But that’s no different than normal either.
“I didn’t want it to be like this, you have to know that,” Hyojong whispers into Hui’s hair.
He doesn’t trust himself to speak yet, just nods.
“I just couldn’t keep listening to the things they were saying about her, Hwitaek, it was disgusting.”
Hyojong was right, of course. With the press tour for their second album the things people had been saying about Hyuna had gotten really dark. Hui had walked in on her crying in the practice rooms more than once. He told her not to pay them any mind but he knew as well as anyone how hard that was. And when they were calling her a predator, saying she should be arrested- he understood why she was so upset.
It didn’t make Hyojong’s decision any easier. Hui knew that Hyojong had to do what was right for his own sake, for Hyuna’s, for their relationship. But what about him? What about what was right for Hui?
“You know I love you, Hwitaek. I love you just as much as I love her.”
He always could read Hui’s thoughts.
“Then why are you going? Why are you letting them take you from us?” Hui finally speaks up.
“I’m not. They can’t take me from you. You’re always going to have me,” Hyojong sighs but Hui shakes his head and pulls away.
“You know that’s not true. You know we’ll all have to sign agreements not to talk to you or talk about you. We have to rearrange all of the songs. It’ll have to be like you were never here. I have to pretend like you were never here and I don’t think I can do that, Hyojong. You’re too much of this. Too much of me,” Hui’s voice cracks and Hyojong pulls him back against his chest.
He wants to hit something. He wants to lash out and rail against everyone fucking this up for them. They were supposed to make it- all of them, together. They’d worked too hard for their dream to fall apart like this. He’d been able to convince them to bring Shinwon back, he could do it again. They could keep Hyojong. He could keep Hyojong.
“I’ll go talk to them first thing in the morning, don’t put out your statements yet. I can fix this, they have to let you stay. We’re a family,” Hui moves to sit up again but Hyojong holds him back.
“Hwitaek, you know you can’t do that. It won’t work, we already tried.”
“But I didn’t try. I’m the leader, they have to listen to me. Please just let me try.”
“Do you know the first thing I thought when I saw you? That first day in the company building?” Hyojong is running his hand through Hui’s hair. Hui knows it’s a distraction, it’s working anyway.
“Hm?”
“I thought, ‘that’s Lee Hwitaek and he’s incredible and I’m going to make him love me.’”
Hui snorts.
“Don’t laugh, hyung, I’m serious.”
“You are not.”
“I am! You were so beautiful and so talented and so goofy. I knew right away that you were everything I wanted. I wanted so badly to make you proud.”
“You did, Hyojong. You made me so proud.” His voice is getting tight again and he can feel the burning in his throat that means the tears are about to start.
“You made me proud too. No matter what happens tomorrow remember that you made me proud, Hwitaek.”
They lie there, quiet, while Hui tries to get his breathing back under control. His chest is still so tight when he speaks again.
“I would go. I would go with you if you asked. All you need to do is ask,” he tells Hyojong.
“You can’t leave, Hwitaek. What would they do without you?”
“They would figure it out. They have Jinho, they don’t need me.”
“Listen to me. You have to stay and keep everyone together. You’ve come too far to let this go. They need you,” Hyojong’s tone is firm and as much as Hui wants to argue he knows he can’t. The company would be looking for any reason to disband the whole group if he caused a fuss.
He presses his face deeper into Hyojong’s side.
“Just because I can’t go with you doesn’t mean I don’t want to.” He feels Hyojong sigh. “I know. I know . But I mean it. I love you so much, Hyojong. Both of you. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.” He feels the tears welling up again.
“I do. I know exactly what you’re going to do without me. You’re going to keep writing and working and you’re going to prove to everyone who you are. You’re going to keep pushing and you’re going to win. You’re going to show everyone that stupid silly fantastic Hwitaek I saw that first day and fell in love with. You’re gonna make it, I know you are.” Hyojong’s voice is thick and Hui turns to see the tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry we couldn’t do it together. I know we were supposed to do it together.”
Hui takes his face in his hands and presses their foreheads together.
“You’re going to be amazing. Promise me you won’t let this stop you.”
He feels Hyojong nod and kisses him on the lips.
“We’re going to get through this, Hwitaek.”
Hui hopes it’s the truth.
--
Hui's just on the verge of sleep when he hears Hyojong whisper something behind him.
"I can't do it without you. Come with me."
"Hm?" Hui tries to turn his head toward the sound but it's just so heavy.
"Nothing, hyung. Go back to sleep," Hyojong tells him, smoothing a hand through his hair.
"L'you," Hui mumbles.
"I love you too," Hyojong tells him. "I love you too."