Chapter Text
MAY
The morning of graduation day is warm, and bright, and a strange contrast to the cold, autumn-colored weather Castiel remembers from the very first day he moved to Rail Pass. So much has changed in less than a year. So much has gotten worse, and better all at once. And it’s weird, but Cas wouldn’t have it any other way.
Charlie insisted on picking out Castiel’s outfit for the ceremony this morning before speeding off to meet up with Dorothy, so when Cas opens his front door to find Dean standing on his porch waiting to pick him up, he’s clad in his nicest button down and slacks, a blue tie around his neck that Dean’s gaze hungrily rakes over before the green eyed boy reaches out, wrapping his hand around the garment and dragging Castiel forward for an enthusiastic kiss.
And alright…if Charlie picking out Castiel’s clothing for special events earns Cas kisses like these, then he’ll gladly play dress up with her.
The horn to the Impala parked on the street behind Dean beeps twice, as a signal to hurry up and quit making out or they’re going to be late, and when Castiel huffs a laugh and peers over Dean’s shoulder, he sees Dean’s father and Sam sitting in the car waiting for them. Missouri left early with Anna and Jesse, who were understandably ecstatic that they got to skip school for the day to come to the ceremony. Castiel still questions the logic behind holding senior graduation on a Tuesday, but he’s not about to complain when he’s going to have everyone he loves there with him.
And the best part? Naomi and Bartholomew Novak haven’t crossed Castiel’s mind once this morning. Even if today is the day that he is officially kicked out of his house for good, even if today is the day he’s officially homeless, thoughts of his parents aren’t tainting the excitement and the anticipation of today. And for that, Castiel is thankful. Even if this means he’ll be couch surfing for the next however many months, he’s thankful.
He and Dean walk hand in hand to the Impala and slide into the back seat together. Cas is surprised at how cleaned up John Winchester looks. He’s shaved his scruffy beard, and has donned his best clothing, and he looks good, for the first time ever since Castiel met the man. John’s eyes meet Castiel’s briefly in the rearview mirror, and the man nods once, which Castiel returns respectfully before buckling himself in.
The school is positively a zoo when they arrive, panicked mothers and excited seniors, frustrated teachers trying to organize the students into alphabetical order so their names are called out right when the diplomas are handed out. Dean and Castiel part ways with John and Sam when they get there, and Dean’s family goes off to join the other families in the audience, all sitting on the bleachers of the football field where the ceremony has been set up.
Cas allows Dean to drag him through the crowd of people milling around. They never really had a rehearsal or anything for this, so nobody has any idea what they’re doing. But Cas just clutches his plastic-wrapped graduation gown in one arm and trusts Dean to lead him wherever they need to go.
When they enter the school’s side door into the Dungeon hallway, though, Castiel begins to question whether he should trust Dean at all with getting them to the ceremony in time.
“Um, Dean? I don’t think this is where we’re supposed to be,” Castiel says, stumbling after his boyfriend, the outside door sinking closed and effectively muffling all the noise from the crowd outside.
Dean glances back at him and gives Cas a mischievous grin, nodding his head towards the end of the hallway. Cas’s forehead crinkles, and he allows Dean to pull him along, right into the empty Dungeon bathroom, where Dean immediately backs him up against the wall and crowds into his personal space.
“Oh I think this is exactly where we’re supposed to be,” he says, chuckling darkly and leaning in to press his lips to Castiel’s. Cas’s little noise of complaint is muffled by Dean’s lips, and it only takes a couple seconds for him to trail off into a groan, lips curling into a smile where they’re pressed to Dean’s. Dropping his plastic wrapped graduation gown, he winds his arms around Dean’s neck, arching up into the kiss and plunging his tongue into Dean’s mouth without warning, dragging a moan and a chuckle out of Dean.
When they break away, it’s only so that Castiel can spin them around, slamming Dean back against the wall instead and pinning him there. “You’re a very bad influence, Dean Winchester,” Castiel scolds, and Dean snickers.
“Old habits die hard, I guess,” he replies, grinning and leaning forward, nipping lightly at the delicate skin of Castiel’s throat. Cas’s eyes flutter, and he huffs a little breath.
“You know we’re already late for graduation,” he points out, trying not to get distracted by the fact that Dean’s suit fits him just right, hugging his thighs and accentuating his chest in a way that makes Cas just want to tear it off of him. “Seriously, we’re going to get in trouble.”
Dean snorts, trailing kisses up Castiel’s pulsating carotid before nipping at his jaw and pulling back to fix Castiel with a look. “Dude, it’s graduation day,” he says, “You’re still worried about getting in trouble?”
Cas pauses, pursing his lips and staring at Dean for a moment. Then, with a little hum, he shrugs. “Well, I suppose not,” he says, “But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t go.”
Dean chuckles, his eyes drifting over Castiel’s shoulder. His gaze locks on something behind Cas, and he perks up suddenly, his forehead crinkling. “Huh,” he huffs, and Castiel steps back as Dean walks forward right past him.
“What?”
Dean walks over to the wall opposite the urinals and runs the flat of his palm over a patch of drywall that’s a slightly different shade of white than the rest. It takes Castiel a second of staring to realize that the patch of wall is where the hole used to be, the one that Dean punched into the wall the first time he and Castiel found themselves alone together in here. Cas’s lips part on a little surprised exhale. Maintenance must have finally gotten someone in here to patch it up.
“Wow, they fixed it,” he utters, and Dean glances back at him, frowning a little before looking down at his long-healed knuckles.
He’s quiet for a second, the muffled sounds of the crowd outside filtering in through the tiny window at the edge of the ceiling near the sinks. “It doesn’t seem right, does it?” Dean murmurs thoughtfully, running a thumb over his knuckles and then glancing at the patched up spot of wall again.
Cas cocks his head to the side, studying him. “What do you mean?” he asks.
Dean glances up at him for a moment, and then hesitates before humming a bit, giving a little shrug and stepping back. Castiel’s eyebrows widen when Dean very suddenly swings his fist, his knuckles connecting with the drywall with a sickening crack, and Dean’s whole hand disappears into the wall right up to his wrist. Just like the first time.
Dean winces and lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a groan of pain, extracting his hand from the wall again and cradling it to his chest as he studies his work. Then, with a little hum, he turns, looking at Cas with raised eyebrows and a little smile. “There,” he says, “Much better.”
Cas’s mouth drops open in shock. “Holy shit, Dean!” he exclaims in a harsh whisper, laughing as he walks forward and pulls Dean’s hand away from his chest to examine the damage. There are a few minor scrapes on Dean’s knuckles, but nothing that’s bleeding too much, and Cas runs his thumb gently over the reddened skin, shaking his head and looking up at his boyfriend.
“You’re an idiot,” he scolds, and Dean grins widely at him, nodding his head towards the hole in the wall.
“You have to admit, it looks better this way,” he says, and Cas glances at the wall too, before rolling his eyes and chuckling. He won’t admit it, but he has to agree. It’s like a little twisted homage to their little twisted relationship.
“What am I going to do with you?” he mutters, and Dean snickers, backing him up against the wall again and kissing him. They stand there kissing next to the hole in the wall for several long minutes, getting lost in the feeling of their mouth dragging together, their bodies pressed flush and warm from chest to thigh, too many clothes in the way.
It’s only when the muffled sound of the marching band starts up outside that they break apart suddenly, both of them staring at each other with wide eyes.
“Shit!” Dean exclaims, and Castiel gives him a shove towards the door.
“It’s starting!” he says, “Quick, get into your gown!”
Dean swears again, and they both rush to scoop up their graduation gowns from the floor, tearing open the plastic wrap around them and stepping into the too-large, too-hot blue robes. Cas wonders what the point of dressing nice today is when they’re wearing these ugly curtains over their outfits anyway. It all seems a bit superfluous.
Cas shoves his strange, square cap onto his head, and then helps Dean secure his into place too. For a second, Cas just has to stop and stare, because it’s fucking awesome that he and Dean are here right now together, getting ready to graduate high school. Getting ready to grow up.
He doesn’t have long to think about it though before Dean is grabbing his hand, pulling him along out the door of the bathroom and running with him down the hallway of the Dungeon together. When they get outside, there’s a procession of gown-wearing seniors walking in a line towards the football field. The marching band is blaring loud, heading the whole pack like some kind of parade.
When they stop outside the doors to the Dungeon, Dean and Castiel take a moment to lean in and give each other a brief kiss, despite the curious eyes of the other students.
“See you after?” Dean says, grinning wildly, and Castiel snorts.
“Of course,” he replies, and Dean winks, taking off towards the end of the line to stand with the other students whose last names end in W. Cas watches him leave for a moment, and then takes off in the opposite direction, managing to find his place in his own N name group just as the line of students starts pouring onto the football field.
The crowd of families and faculty is already cheering as the seniors walk onto the freshly mowed grass, filing into folding chairs in neat little rows set up in front of a podium and clusters of multicolored balloons. Castiel nearly trips over the end of his robe as he walks, searching the crowd for Missouri, Anna, and Jesse.
He only spots them after he’s taken his seat, and is surprised to see that they’re sitting with John and Sam in the audience. The five of them must have found each other somewhere in the crowd. When Anna see that Cas is looking, she jumps up and waves enthusiastically, and Castiel huffs a laugh, waving back.
There are several long speeches that come before the handing out of the diplomas. Castiel looks around the crowd of seniors while Principal Roman drones on about the future from the podium at the front, and how much he’s grown to care about all the students in the crowd before him whose names he probably doesn’t even know. He can see people rolling their eyes around him and he chuckles, spotting Gabriel a couple rows back hunched over, blowing into a little plastic tube and slowly filling what looks like a beach ball with air. Castiel stifles a laugh when he sees that, and looks further, trying to see Dean somewhere in the back near the W students.
He spots Crowley several seats down from Gabe, and finally manages to locate Dean where he’s sitting two rows from the back, looking at Principal Roman with a somewhat annoyed expression on his face. Castiel snorts a little laugh, turning back around to pay attention to their loving principal continue his speech about the opportunities that await in the near future for his flock of seniors before him.
At one point towards the end of the speech, Principal Roman pays condolences to the recent and tragic loss of one of their own students. Castiel grits his teeth and bites back the urge to growl when Roman says Alastair’s name. He has everyone bow their heads for a moment of silence in memory of their deceased classmate. Cas doesn’t bow his head, simply grits his teeth and waits for the moment to pass. When he glances back, Dean isn’t participating in the prayer either, but rather staring straight forward with a hard look in his eyes. Cas is surprised to see that Crowley isn’t participating either, and when Cas looks back at him, Crowley glances up and spots him staring, and they share a weird glance before the moment of silence ends and Principal Roman wraps up his speech with an unenthusiastic applause.
The class valedictorian is next, and then Pamela gives a speech of her own. People cheer the loudest for Pam’s speech, which has the families in the audience roaring with laughter, to Castiel’s amusement.
When the time comes to finally hand out diplomas, it’s a slow and somewhat boring process. Castiel cheers loudly for all of his friends as they accept their diplomas, and blushes in surprise when a great many people cheer for him when he receives his own. Cara is one of a few faculty members handing the diplomas out, and she gives Castiel a wink as she hands him his.
When Dean accepts his diploma, Castiel cheers the loudest out of everybody. He doesn’t care that he might be making an idiot out of himself in front of everyone. He jumps up and cheers and Dean blushes so hard Castiel can see it from here. Cas doesn’t care – he’s so proud of Dean. So proud of everything that Dean has accomplished, everything that they’ve both accomplished. And maybe things are still kind of fucked up, and maybe not every problem in their lives is going to be resolved overnight. But it doesn’t matter, because this? Right here? This matters. This accomplishment matters. And for once in his life, Castiel feels so much fucking pride, he’d probably be persecuted by all the little old men and women who used to attend those churches his parents dragged him to as a child, his sinful homosexuality aside.
The ceremony ends shortly after a few concluding words, and the entire senior class erupts into cheers, taking off their hats and throwing them into the air. Gabriel launches the beach ball he was blowing up into the air, and everyone starts laughing and hitting it around, much to Principal Roman’s dismay.
For a while after the ceremony, people loiter and chat and congratulate each other. For the next hour, everything is just a sea of faces and one hug after another. Pamela, and Charlie, and Dorothy, and Jo, and Gabe, and Bobby, and Mr. Wyatt, and Cara, and even Victor all come up and either hug Castiel or shake his hand. By the time Cas finally shoves his way out of the happy crowd and spots Dean, he’s practically drowning in twenty different perfumes that rubbed off on him, and his hair is a wild mess. Jesus, it’s like a fucking paparazzi.
Cas spots Dean over near the edge of the football field, and to his mild surprise, he sees that Dean is leaning down to hug the squash lady, grinning and chatting with her. The old woman must have come to watch Dean graduate, which makes Castiel smile.
He gives Dean and the old woman a few minutes, and then the squash lady hugs Dean again before turning and leaving. Cas wonders how she got here, wonders if she even drives. He’s never seen her leave her house before.
With a little smile, he crosses the football field to where Dean is standing, and Dean glances over at him, grinning widely and laughing. “You look like you got caught in a dryer,” he says, reaching up and smoothing down Castiel’s wild mess of hair. Cas rolls his eyes.
“More like every single person I’ve ever met in my life decided to hug me today,” he grumbles, gripping his diploma safely in one hand.
They head towards the parking lot together and find Missouri, Jesse, and Anna standing with John and Sam near the Impala, waiting for them. Castiel receives several more hugs from them, and John squeezes Dean’s shoulder, offering to hold onto his diploma so it doesn’t get ruined. Dean smiles and hands the paper to his father, while Missouri simply takes Castiel’s from him without question, insisting on holding onto it for him.
She has Dean and Castiel both shed their graduation gowns, and she wraps them up, carrying them with her so they “don’t have to walk around looking like nuns” according to her.
And just like that…graduation is over. Missouri and the kids pile into her station wagon a few cars away, and wave as they drive off, and Dean ducks into the Impala for a moment, pulling out his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder and closing the door. When Cas looks at him questioningly, Dean says, “I brought some food.”
Castiel raises an eyebrow at him and snorts as Sam comes up, grinning at his big brother. “You two gonna hang out for a little bit?” he asks, and Dean looks down at him.
“Yeah,” he replies, bumping his fist with Sam’s, “Call if you need anything?”
Sam salutes him, giving Cas a dorky smile, and then climbs into the passenger seat of the Impala, John already starting up the engine. Dean and Castiel stand there and watch as they drive off, and then Castiel looks over at Dean, squinting at him in the bright sun and smiling softly, reaching over and taking his hand.
“Well, if we’re going to have a picnic, then I know a good place,” he says, and Dean cocks his head, eyeing him for a moment and then shrugging.
“By all means,” he grins, gesturing for Cas to lead the way. Cas smiles, leaning in and planting a brief kiss on Dean’s lips before pulling him along towards the forest.
* * *
There’s something hauntingly familiar now about the way the gentle breeze nudges at the swings at Hautley’s Bend, the way the chains creak and groan and fill the silence of the park with ghost-like wails. Dean and Castiel enjoy a quiet lunch away from all the rowdiness of the celebration that’s moved down to Main Street, laying on their stomachs on the fresh grass, the sun high and bright in the mid-morning sky.
There’s nobody around, which doesn’t really surprise Castiel, although it pleases him. Everyone is already in town, or at work since it’s still a Tuesday. Nothing but the peaceful silence of the park and the forest surrounds them, and Cas gives Dean a tiny smile, chewing the last bite of the prepackaged sandwiches Dean bought for them.
Dean’s brow furrows as he licks a bit of mayonnaise off his thumb and stuffs his sandwich wrapper back into his backpack, his suit jacket off and draped over his bag, the first few buttons of his dress shirt undone, revealing his freckled skin beneath.
“Why’d you bring me to Hautley’s Bend, of all places?” he asks, looking at Castiel as Cas crumples up his own trash.
Cas glances at him and hums, eyes darting across to the playground, the chipped paint of the merry-go-round creating slices of shadow in the angle of the sun. He shrugs a little. “I figured I’d bring you back to where it all began,” he says simply, “It seemed appropriate.”
Dean stares at him for a second and then chuckles. “You’re such a sap,” he snorts, even as he leans in to plant a brief kiss on Castiel’s lips.
Cas rolls his eyes and huffs a little laugh. “Shut up,” he shoots back, and Dean grins, turning his head and looking off into the trees. Cas stares at his profile for a moment, the way the sun dances like water off the green in Dean’s eyes, highlights his hair like burning gold. It still amazes Castiel, even now, that this radiant boy in front of him is his.
Dean sucks his lower lip into his mouth like he’s considering something, and then he pulls in a little breath.
“So listen, I’ve been doing some thinking,” he says, turning his eyes back onto Castiel’s face. Cas blinks out of his momentary daze.
“About?” he asks, resting his chin in his palm and picking at the grass, both of them still laying on their stomachs.
Dean stares at him for a moment, hesitating, and then a tiny smile curls his lips. He reaches into his backpack and pulls out a small stack of wrinkled papers. Castiel cocks his head, eyeing them, but before he can ask, Dean says, “I’ve been looking at apartments online, and I found a few that are actually pretty cheap.”
Castiel’s eyes widen and he grins. “Dean, that’s great! You’re moving out of your house?” he asks, reaching out and taking the papers from Dean’s hand, flipping through a few of them and eyeing the photos of different apartment interiors, “Are these all in town somewhere?”
Dean snorts, clearing his throat, and when Cas glances up at him, Dean is blushing a little. “I’ve been looking for jobs too,” he goes on, and Castiel’s eyebrows raise in surprise, “There are some garages hiring for beginner mechanic positions…in Johnson.”
Castiel’s forehead creases for a moment in confusion, and he stares at Dean. “Johnson?” he repeats, “Why are you looking for apartments here if you’re getting a job in Johnson?”
Dean rolls his eyes, huffing a little breath. “Cas…the apartments are in Johnson too,” he clarifies. Castiel just lays there staring at him in confusion, until Dean lets out an exasperated sigh. “I’m asking you to move in with me, you dingus.”
Castiel’s heart skips a beat in surprise, and his eyes widen. Dean just stares at him for a moment, trying to measure his reaction, but before he can say anything, a huge smile spreads across Castiel’s face.
“Really?” he asks, and Dean chuckles once, nervously, clearing his throat again.
“Yeah,” he says, smiling a little, “Only…only if you want to though.”
Cas stares at Dean for a moment, and then a wave of happiness rolls through him, and before he even knows it, he reaches out and grabs Dean by the back of the head, pulling him into an enthusiastic kiss, startling a little noise of surprise out of Dean.
“Yes!” Cas exclaims between kisses, laughing a little, “Dean, I would love that!”
Dean’s hesitant smile turns into a full-on grin then. “Yeah? You want to?”
Castiel laughs, throwing his arms around Dean’s shoulders, the hug made awkward by the angle they’re laying in on the grass. “Yes, you idiot!” he says, kissing Dean again, “I want to get an apartment with you.”
Dean breathes out what can only be a sigh of relief, chuckling and closing his eyes as Castiel kisses him again. Oh my god, this means Cas will have a place to live! He’s not homeless! This means he’ll be able to see Dean any time he wants to now! He’s still going off to college in Johnson, but Dean will be there now. They don’t have to live an hour apart. Castiel’s mind whirls as his heart jumps in his chest, and he laughs happily, crawling on top of Dean without breaking off the kiss and pressing him down into the grass, showering him in affection.
“You were nervous,” Cas suddenly realizes aloud, pulling away from the kiss to look down at Dean beneath him, “To ask me to live with you. You were nervous.”
Dean rolls his eyes, flushing red again. “Of course I was nervous,” he snorts, “I didn’t want you to think I was taking things too fast…or whatever.”
But no. Dean is not taking things too fast. Cas smiles down at him, and thinks to himself that there’s no one in this world he’d rather live with, take the next step in his life with. There’s no one he’d rather share a bed with, and kiss every morning and every night, and get in stupid fights with over who used the rest of the toothpaste, and cook meals with, and watch bad TV with. There’s no one in this world Cas would rather spend every waking moment with than Dean.
Dean stares up at him, his cheeks still rosy with his blush, freckles standing out like raindrops on cement on his cheeks, eyes glowing in the sunlight. Castiel reaches up and places his hand on the side of Dean’s face, stroking those soft freckles with his thumb, and suddenly, he wants to tell Dean the truth. He wants to tell Dean that he loves him. He wants to fucking shout it at the top of his lungs. He wants to tell Dean how he’d rip his own heart out before he let anything bad happen to this boy again. He wants to tell Dean that the word love doesn’t even come close to the way Castiel feels about this boy beneath him, his shirt falling open slightly to reveal his smooth chest, hair mussed from their kisses, lips swollen and spit-slick.
But in the end, Cas just bites his lip, smiling warmly and leaning down, giving Dean one more gentle kiss before rolling off of him and laying beside him, both of them smiling and staring up at the early May sky. They have all the time in the world for Cas to tell Dean that he loves him. Why rush it? Why do it now when he can tell Dean over and over again for years to come? He doesn’t need to tell Dean that, when Dean can see it in Cas’s eyes, and Cas can see it in Dean’s.
There are no words that they could possibly use to express how they feel, to define what it is they have with each other. It just…is.
Dean sighs next to him, reaching back and grabbing the stack of papers with apartment information on them, flipping through a few of them for a moment before yawning and stuffing them back into his backpack. Castiel rolls over onto his stomach, picking at the grass again as Dean settles on his back once more, throwing an arm over his face and yawning again.
Cas eyes him with a little amused smile. “Are you going to sleep?” he asks softly, and Dean’s lips curve into a little tired grin.
“Maybe for a little while,” he says, and then peeks at Cas from under his arm, “Is that okay?”
Castiel huffs a little laugh, leaning in and planting a kiss at the edge of Dean’s jaw. “That’s fine Dean,” he says, and Dean smiles at him for a moment before yawning again and closing his eyes. They’re quiet for a couple minutes, just listening to the distant sounds of people in town, the marching band probably parading down Main Street. In the woods somewhere, there’s the echo of a dog barking, and the crunch of twigs and leaves as birds and deer and squirrels dart about.
Dean shifts beside Cas after a little bit, grunting and opening his eyes. “Wait,” he says, rolling over and fishing through his backpack again. Castiel eyes him curiously as Dean pulls out a composition notebook with what looks like a shoelace wrapped around it like a bow. He hands it to Castiel, giving him another little nervous smile. “I almost forgot,” he says, as Cas looks down at the notebook, “As a graduation gift.”
Castiel smiles a little. “I didn’t get you anything,” he admit sheepishly, and Dean waves his hand, settling onto his back again and closing his eyes.
“I have you,” he replies, “I don’t need anything else.”
Cas is glad that Dean’s eyes are closed, because it’s his turn to blush, and he bites his lip, reaching out and running his fingers through Dean’s hair gently. Dean hums contently and yawns once more, and Castiel continues to stroke his hair until Dean drifts off to sleep not ten minutes later. When Dean’s lips part a bit and his body sags into the grass, Cas pulls his hand away from Dean’s head, just staring at his sleeping face for a few minutes before finally lowering his eyes to the composition notebook in front of him.
The notebook is bent and smudged and beat up like it’s been through the ringer, but Castiel still smiles when he sees, in Dean’s square scrawl, the words To Cas written on the cover. He chews the inside of his cheek, pulling at the little sloppy bow made out of an old shoelace in the middle of the notebook, fighting with the double knot for a few minutes before he finally manages to unravel it, dropping the string aside.
When he opens the notebook, he has to cover his mouth to muffle the little noise of surprise he makes. There are drawings, beautiful drawings, some in pencil, some in colors, others even in pen, covering every single page of the notebook. Castiel flips through them, eyeing the drawings appreciatively, some with little quotes or paragraphs written underneath in Dean’s scrawl.
Cas glances up at Dean’s peaceful, sleeping face, the sun making him look like some sort of beautiful siren. Did Dean draw all of these? Cas didn’t even know Dean could draw, but these are gorgeous. The drawings vary from dark and twisted, demons and blood and cigarette burns, to bright and happy and sweet. Some of the pages are just filled from top to bottom in Dean’s writing, and a few of those have wet smears scattered on them that Castiel realizes are tear marks, like Dean was crying when he wrote them. Cas’s brow furrows and he runs his fingers over the long-dried teardrops, flipping back to page one of the notebook. If he’s going to look at all of this now, he wants to start from the beginning.
The first page is just as breathtaking as the rest, and Cas’s lips part on an exhale of disbelief as he eyes the intricate shading and line work. It’s a drawing of himself, and Dean got every detail exactly right, from the freckle on Castiel’s chest, to the shadows under his eyes, to the mess of his hair. Only, Dean has added wings to Castiel’s back, arching high and proud and bursting with light like a holy being, and a glowing halo over Castiel’s head.
Cas smiles in amusement as he looks at the drawing. He wonders if this is how Dean sees him, as some sort of angel or something. Cas can’t imagine thinking of himself that way, but it’s flattering.
There’s a short paragraph written under the drawing of the angel, and Castiel wonders how long ago Dean started this notebook, how long ago he drew this angel version of himself, as he squints at the words. Castiel holds his hand up to shade the notebook from the sun, and he begins to read.
You know me, Cas. I’m not one for all that sappy love letter crap or anything. But who knows? Maybe you’ll never even have a chance to read this.
Cas glances up at Dean’s face, smiling a little at how much of Dean’s voice he can hear just by reading the words.
I couldn’t figure out a way to tell you this out loud, so I decided to just write it down. Maybe you won’t even know what I’m talking about, but I just have to say it. Today I realized something.
Today I realized that wishing for courage is like having wings and never caring enough to fly. My life may be in ruins, but people will still come to see them.
I may never have the courage to ask what I already have again but…
I’m just glad you’re still here.