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Uh, so I'm back?
What's changed? Did all of those new techniques help? Do I have new safe foods? A diagnosis of some kind?
... No.... Alright, kind of? I might just be pushing my mom to get us both tested for ADHD, and because of alleged ADHD, no appointment was ever made and no wok ever bought, but I do have updates!!
I think my biggest takeaway is that everything I mention under my "avoidance section was because I was in an ADHD depression, so I was mostly unable to implement the simple changes that I needed for that... I'm still ad restricted adls ever though! Yay...
So, what is new with the ARFID?
I'm at a fairly consistent two meals a day, I think! I'll probably crash when summer comes, and I'm not eating enough at either, but I think I know what they mean when they talk about feeling full, especially during ED recovery... I also am much more aware of my mental state, my burnout, and my (also undiagnosed) ADHD, so some progress, at least, is getting made.
I've been making an effort to distinguish what tastes are unappealing, vs what textures, so I know what foods and flavors I should just avoid, and what unfamiliar foods are worth trying. Tried some new way of cooking veggies, but did not like it, officially changed my stance on how "safe" greasy foods like pizza are, got over soup cravings, tried and disliked, I think matcha?
I've also been making a concerted effort to stay hydrated, if not for me then for my poor nurses who keep blowing veins. :(
I think I'll give up on any tea that isn't lemon iced tea, and, completely unrelated I swear, I found out I get horrible caffeine withdrawals but experience no noticable effect from being caffeinated, the worst possible combo.
On the other hand, I'm ready to try dumplings, and I CAN drink carbonated drinks if they're fruity, so that's promising, at least for ease of access.
Muffins were a god send for a while there, but my sense of time is major messed up so idk when, or what else has happened. My tough patches are no more than a few days now, and bread is safer now that I can make it myself. An ordeal with ADHD, but gratifying nonetheless.
Honestly knowing the biggest struggle i have, avoidance, is the most explainable by ADHD, something else I relate to a few too many symptoms of, I may be lucky enough to get around all of this with some medication, if I can get there. I was starting to suspect I had ADHD when I posted the last chapter, and one of my cousins basically leapt back into my life to confirm it, I found out she has autism and ADHD at the family gathering she attended just to offer me a place to go.
I may not get over my restrictions, but if I can have the motivation to get around them I might just end up okay.
The pandemic really chokeslammed me right as I was hyperfixating on ADHD, and with my own ADHD! But I'm feeling a lot better, a lot more confident, and I'm determined to get answers. They may not come this summer, but I promise that if I get answers, I'll post them.