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Jeno stands alone by the crackling fire, turning his head to stare at Mark as he hesitantly approaches. The rest of the house has disappeared into their respective rooms, leaving them the only two out in the open.
They’re alone now, which means that they can finally drop the facade where they pretend like everything’s fine, as if they’re the same people that fell in love two years ago.
Mark feels like a stranger in his own vacation home when he takes a seat on the floor in front of the fireplace, extending out a hand to let the heat flicker onto his skin. He glances up at Jeno, cocking his head - a wordless invitation to sit with him, and Jeno complies.
“Jen,” he murmurs, breaking the silence.
Jeno keeps his eyes firmly fixated on him, expression stoic as the glow of the flames reflect onto his sharp features. He’s close enough that Mark could reach for his hand if he inches over a tiny bit; he hesitates, studying Jeno’s face to see if there’s any indication in his eyes of how he’s feeling, and he decides, fuck it. Nothing left to lose, not when tomorrow morning, they’ll be going their separate ways after spending this entire weekend pretending to be people they haven’t been in a long time.
He places his hand on top of Jeno’s, curling his fingers against Jeno’s own like he’d done countless times in the past, except those memories feel so faraway now that they don’t even feel like they were part of their lifetime. That Mark and that Jeno must be protagonists of a film he vaguely remembers, wrapped up in a happy ending that their real life counterparts don’t have the luxury of getting.
He glances down in surprise as Jeno turns his hand over, interlocking their fingers together. He rubs his thumb against the back of Mark’s hand, a familiar gesture, and Mark feels strangely choked up as he watches the scene unfold, too afraid to shift his attention back up at Jeno in fear that he won’t be able to fight back the tears from falling.
“I have a question.” Jeno says slowly. Mark takes a deep breath, lifting his chin to meet his gaze. Jeno’s stare burns into him, a quiet intensity about his demeanor when he asks, “Did you really love me?”
Mark stares back at him, tears pooling in the corner of his eyes before streaming freely down his cheeks. The memories swirl around in his hazy head, solidifying into one familiar face: that of the person that sits beside him, fingers gripping his own like a lifeline.
He can’t lie, not to him, and he’s entirely honest when he says, “yes.” He wipes away the tears angrily with a bitter laugh. “Of course I did.”
Jeno’s eyes haven’t left his face since they sat down, and he hesitates slightly. When he speaks, his question is barely above a whisper. “Then isn’t that enough?”
“I love you,” Mark murmurs against Jeno’s bare skin.
Jeno freezes, his fingers suspended in the middle of his hair. “What?”
Mark lifts his head up. He can feel Jeno’s heart racing from where his ear had been positioned atop his sternum, his own pulse racing at the implication of the words, but he swallows nervously and repeats it, louder. He’s never been more sure of anything in his life. “I love you, Jeno Lee.”
He takes in Jeno’s expression of shock, his lips parted slightly, and Mark smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture. “You don’t have to say it back. I know it’s still pretty early, but-”
“No,” Jeno breathes out. “You just caught me off guard, that’s all.” His lips curve into a wide smile, crinkling the corners of his eyes as he beams at Mark. Mark doesn’t deserve this, not at all - he doesn’t know what he did to get so lucky as to have Jeno Lee, naked in his bed in post-coital bliss, staring at him like he hung the sun and moon in the sky, but hey, he’s not complaining.
Jeno’s hands fall from his hair, sliding down his cheekbones and down to lift his chin, tilting Mark’s face up so he can slot their lips together. When they come up for air, he keeps a hand on the back of Mark’s neck, their faces close enough that their noses brush.
“I love you too.”
They drive in silence, the only audible noise in the car emanating from the speakers: “Summertime in Paris.” Mark almost wants to laugh at the irony as the car hurtles past the dreary winter landscape while Jaden and Willow croon about falling in love under sunny skies.
He sneaks a glance at Jeno, who stares out the passenger side window. He keeps his hands folded across his lap, his body angled away from Mark as if this is the last place in the world he wants to be right now.
The winding road leads the car to a familiar street, and Mark pulls into the driveway of his family’s cabin, looking like a picture-perfect wintery destination as the incandescent Christmas lights twinkle cheerfully in the gray fog.
He knows he should feel some semblance of comfort at the familiar sight, but the knot in his chest just tightens when he steals another look at Jeno, who stares at the house; anywhere but Mark.
“You ready?” He forces himself to regain his composure, hoping Jeno won’t see through his disguise. Of course, Jeno knows him a little too well for that, but he watches as he turns to face Mark with a strained smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and nods.
They walk up to the front door, hand in hand and their best practiced smiles on their lips as Mark turns the key into the lock. Instantaneously, they’re separated as they’re swept up in greetings by their respective family members.
His stepbrother’s in the middle of saying something to their parents, and Mark takes that moment to glance over at Jeno - he’s beaming as his mother dotes on him, and there’s a sinking feeling in his chest as he realizes he hasn’t been able to make Jeno smile like that in a long time.
With feigned casualness, he discreetly shifts his focus back to his family. He can feel Jeno’s eyes on him, boring a hole into the back of his head, but he refuses to turn around, grinning at Jaehyun’s anecdote despite the searing pain in his chest.
His mother calls Jeno over, and the way Jeno fits into place among his family perfectly doesn’t escape him. Jeno slings an arm around Mark, flashing his most charming grin, and Mark settles into his touch, forcing a smile.
For a moment, it’s easy to pretend that this is who they are, that when he looks into Jeno’s eyes and feels that familiar warmth flooding his chest at his gaze that they’ll be okay, that they can be the kids in love that their parents think they are, even after this weekend is over.
Mark leans his head on Jeno’s shoulder, the gesture startling Jeno, judging from the way he straightens out ever-so-slightly, but then he drops his head atop Mark’s gently with a small smile.
He savors the moment, knowing that the expiration date on their relationship’s creeping closer and closer with every passing day. But at least for now, he still has Jeno - even if it’s all pretend - and somehow, that’s enough.
“What will happen to us after I graduate?” Mark asks into the static silence. He stops walking, leaving Jeno a few paces ahead.
Jeno turns around, stepping closer. “Are you worried?”
“It’s been on my mind.” Mark frowns. “Aren’t you?”
“Not really,” Jeno shrugs. “Hey,” he says, cupping Mark’s face between his hands. “I’m not worried. We’ll make it work.”
Mark hates it - he hates that he’s so depressingly pessimistic when compared to Jeno’s bright-eyed optimism, but he’s constantly reminded of the harsh reality of their predicament. “What if we can’t?”
“Mark.” Jeno peers at him, his kind eyes earnest as he says, “no matter what happens, I’ll be there for you. That’s a promise.”
Jeno’s hands are warm against his cold skin, and he hadn’t planned on doing this here, not in the middle of the sidewalk a few blocks away from their apartment, but he’s afraid that if he doesn’t say it now, he’ll never get the courage to.
“You don’t think I held you back?”
Jeno blinks at him in surprise, his hands slipping from Mark’s cheeks. “What?”
Mark swallows. He takes Jeno’s wrists off of his shoulders and gently drops their hands down, letting go. “I mean, we’ve been together ever since you were a freshman, and I’ll be graduating next year. I remember when I was going into college, everyone told me that you should never date someone freshman year, and especially not with someone older than you. Don’t you regret it?”
“No,” Jeno responds. “Mark, I don’t care about some bullshit set of rules. I don’t regret any of it.” He frowns. “Do you?”
Mark shakes his head. “No.”
Jeno studies him with a thoughtful expression. “Then isn’t that enough?”
“Yeah,” Mark murmurs. “I guess it is.”
“Listen,” Jeno says. He flashes him a reassuring smile, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. “I love you. I know you’re stressed about everything being so uncertain next year, but you don’t have to worry about us.”
“Okay,” Mark shakes his head, clearing away all his doubt. “Okay.” He squeezes Jeno’s hand back, returning the smile. “Thanks, Jen.”
“Of course.” Jeno, still holding Mark’s hand, turns around and begins walking. “Come on,” he calls over his shoulder with a warm grin. “Let’s go home.”
Mark smiles, letting him pull him forward. He catches up with Jeno, striding forward with their intertwined fingers swinging between them, and he thinks to himself, yeah , we’ll be alright.
Christmas falls on their second day in the cabin, and the entire house is alight with festivities. Their mothers spend all day whipping up a storm in the kitchen with some help from Jeno and Jaehyun, while Mark had been barred from even entering the threshold as a result of his hidden talent of rendering anything virtually inedible.
Dinner is a noisy affair, the dining table piled high with a blend of Korean and traditional American holiday foods, bottles of wine and champagne and soju standing tall at the end of the table. He’s seated next to Jeno, and he tries to ignore the way he feels sparks tingling against his skin whenever their arms brush if one of them reaches for more food or drinks.
He glances around the table, watching as everyone laughs together. It’s a random thought, but he wonders what will become their parents once they inevitably break up - in the span of their two year relationship, their parents have become great friends, as evidenced by the sense of camaraderie in the dining room.
Something cold pokes at his hand, catching his attention. Jeno holds out a glass of red wine to him, and Mark accepts it, their fingers brushing as the stem passes from Jeno to Mark. Jeno procures one of his own, and he lifts it, Mark clinks their glasses together.
“Merry Christmas,” Jeno says, offering him a small smile.
“Merry Christmas, Jen,” Mark responds. They both take a few sips, and as he sets his glass down, his gaze lingers on Jeno for a moment too long.
“Hey, I’m pretty sure Jeno’s not even old enough to drink,” Jaehyun calls from across the table.
Mark flushes slightly at the interruption, tearing his eyes off of Jeno and turning them on his stepbrother. “And how many times have you gotten drunk underage in college?” He teases.
“No comment,” Jaehyun says. He lifts his own glass of wine with a wink.
Mark rolls his eyes, laughing. He settles back in his chair as Jaehyun engages Jeno in a conversation about college football. There’s a pang in his chest as he thinks about how easily Jeno fits with his family, as if he was always meant to be there, like they were meant to be.
He knows it’s not true, but god, it feels so damn good to pretend like it is.
Mark stares at Jeno as he leans over, pressing his thumbs underneath Mark’s eyelids, wiping away the stray tears. The words echo in his ears when Jeno removes his hands, seeming to have surprised himself with the gesture. “Then isn’t that enough?”
He opens his mouth and closes it, trying to formulate a proper response. “I don’t know,” he finally admits.
“You don’t think it’s worth another try?” There’s a hard set to Jeno’s jaw.
Mark refutes his question with one of his own. “Do you love me?”
“What?” Jeno flinches back as if Mark had slapped him.
“Do you still love me? Yes or no.”
Jeno lets out a soft, breathy laugh, turning away from Mark and tilting his head back, staring at the ceiling. Mark watches him inhale, exhale, chest rising and falling, before he finally meets Mark’s eyes again. “Yeah.” He sighs, flashing Mark a rueful smile. “Even after all your attempts at pushing me away, I still love you. Maybe that’s stupid of me-”
He’s cut off by Mark leaning forward and pressing their mouths together. Mark wraps his arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. Jeno’s lips part to allow him to slide his tongue between his teeth, and Mark straddles his lap, kissing Jeno like his oxygen will run out if he stops.
Suddenly, Jeno pulls back, anchoring the palms of his hands onto the hardwood. “Fuck, Mark, don’t tell me that’s you kissing me goodbye,” he breathes out. “And you never answered my question. Do you think it’s worth giving this another try?”
“Do you?” Mark murmurs. He’s unsure of where to put his hands, and settles on keeping his arms draped over Jeno’s shoulders.
Jeno leans forward, pressing their foreheads together. “I think you already know the answer to that.”
Mark leans into the gesture, closing his eyes. “I’m scared,” he admits. “With graduation coming up and everything, I guess I just… I don’t know, I thought that you deserved better. And you stuck with me for two fucking years, what if all I did was waste your time?”
“Do you feel like dating me was a waste of time?” Jeno challenges. Mark opens his eyes, moving back slightly so he can take in Jeno’s expression.
“No, of course not,” he says, shaking his head vehemently.
“Good. Neither do I.” Jeno responds. “So where does that leave us?”
“Would you still stay with me, even after the shit I pulled?” Mark raises his eyebrows.
“I mean, I’d expect you to not do that again,” Jeno says, a hint of a smirk on his lips. “But I wanna see this through. Don’t you?”
“Even if things don’t work out?” Mark inquires.
“You’re so pessimistic,” Jeno sighs. “If it doesn’t work, at least we can say we tried, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” Mark murmurs. He shifts forward, pressing their foreheads together once more. “And I really am sorry for all the shit I put you through.”
“I’m sorry too,” Jeno says. Then, he smirks. “Can we just call it even and make out now?”
Mark laughs, loud enough to wake up the whole house, and he clamps a hand over his mouth, eyes going wide. Jeno’s shoulders shake with muffled laughter, and Mark leans in to slot their lips together again, promptly shutting him up with a kiss. “I love you,” he says when they finally break apart. “Let’s see this through.”
Jeno beams - a genuine smile, all teeth and crescent-eyes, and Mark isn’t sure if the warmth coursing through his veins can be attributed to Jeno’s presence or the fire burning behind them, but he doesn’t care, because Jeno’s here, in his arms, and he still loves him, despite everything. He kisses him again and again until they’re both breathless, and he realizes that Jeno’s right.
This, Jeno, all of it - this is worth fighting for.