Work Text:
Seoul, December 24th
4:25 PM
“Red or green?”
“Green.”
“But…” The younger complained, his hands finding their way to the red box.
“Jungkook, there’s no alternative universe where you’re putting a red Christmas tree on our house. Put that immediately down.” Jimin asserted, lifting a finger in a disapproving way, almost like a dad telling of his kid. Jungkook looked at him confidently, denying with his head.
Suddenly, the harmless game became a fight stare, their gazes locked to find who was the one to give in. Jimin closed his eyes halfway, defiant. It didn’t even make Jungkook flinch, a pouting appearing on his lips.
Oh, he knew how to weaken Jimin.
The blond gulped, his finger trembling in the same position as before. It was in the moment Jimin was about to give up that Jungkook dropped the box sighing —though, his characteristic bunny smile was lighting up his face. Jimin laughed, throwing himself into his boyfriend’s arms once Jungkook placed the green box in their shopping cart.
“The way I’m so whipped for you,” he buffed. Jimin laughed again, his whole being screaming in love.
“I love you,” he said, pecking the brunet. Jungkook giggled, placing his hands in the blond’s waist, deepening the kiss between smiles and whispers.
This was going to be an incredible Christmas.
5:18 PM
When Jungkook and Jimin exited the shopping centre, the sun was already leaving the sky.
It was a cold day in Seoul, snow making its appearance to give a better Christmas sense to the people wandering around the luminous and decorated streets of Cheonggyecheon. Jimin smiled, holding a big bag with one hand and Jungkook’s with the other.
“Do you want to see the light spectacle before going home?” the younger asked. Jimin nodded happily, observing his boyfriend as they started walking around.
Jungkook was wearing a big scarf that covered half of his face but, still, the older could see how his nose and his upper cheeks were red due to the cold. It made him look more adorable than usual, the blond’s heart clenching at the way Jungkook crinkled his eyes while squeezing his hand.
It had passed almost three years since they started dating but, somehow, Jimin was completely sure he was still falling in love with the brunet. He felt enchanted by the younger as if Jungkook had cast a spell on him the day they met and was still playing with the elder’s heart.
Jimin’s life had always been far from calm.
He was moved by passion, heavy emotions, and extremes. He got bored easily and routine was his biggest enemy. The blond feared relationships, the feeling of being restrained because of someone. He wanted to move freely, to live in a hundred places and never settle down.
Everything changed when he met Taehyung.
Starting as nothing more than a hook-up, Taehyung and Jimin felt inevitably attracted for each other. They pushed each other’s limits and that captivated them, never having enough. With time, attraction unleashed love, with all of its consequences. Even so, the realization wasn’t easy and when they started dating, Jimin thought that this was his fairy-tale, that Taehyung was his first and last relationship.
Thing is, not all fairy-tales end with a happily ever after. Sometimes, the story ends with the characters eating ice cream and realizing that being friends works way better than being boyfriends.
It took them time, but after the intensity of the first months, Jimin and Taehyung realized that they were far from working as a relationship. The love that they both thought it would be their last, was nothing more than a friendship disguised in what connected them first: passion and a lot of sexual attraction.
They broke up after seven months of relationship and when they announced it, their circle of friends were sad that it hadn’t worked. Jimin was completely the opposite. He may have not found the love of his life in Taehyung, but he found comfort in coming home to someone.
He was, then, ready to come to Jungkook.
The brunet boy appeared in his life a couple of months after the breakup. He was new in Taehyung’s group of friends and it was on a Friday night gathering where he saw him for the first time. He could even remember Jungkook’s dark clothes, trying to portray a defiant look that was far from his soft eyes and bunny smile. It caught Jimin’s attention, the sparkles in Jungkook’s eyes when he introduced himself.
They fell in love with each other softly, as if they were a slow romantic song. Life could be hectic yet the way they came to one another whispered safety. Nevertheless, as much as it had been calmly, their relationship was far from dull. Each touch was electrifying, each look was intense, and each day was exciting if it was next to the other. Jimin was sure this time, after three years of relationship, that Jungkook was his last love. And nothing made him more excited than imagine his life next to him. Sure, he wanted to travel, to live freely, but the idea seemed funnier if next to each of his adventure, the brunet was holding his hand. And vice versa, he wanted to be in each of Jungkook’s dreams, whether supporting him or actively participating in it. He wanted to see him shine and shine next to him, too.
They walked quietly, both of them enjoying the music mixed with the cheerful talks of the people surrounding them. Every street was decorated with lights in form of stars, penguins, or even little trees. A cute Santa Claus was placed in the middle of the characteristic creek that crossed Cheonggyecheon, accompanied by neon reindeers. It screamed Christmas everywhere and Jimin was so happy because of it.
He had always loved Christmas, ever since he was a little kid. There were a hundred reasons: the fact that there wasn’t school for weeks or waking up at 7 AM with Jihyun to discover what was underneath the tree. The way all his cousins used to go to his house and play around, how his grandmother was always so happy those days and hugged him even more than usual.
He loved decorating the tree, his little brother and him fighting about who was doing best, or his mom’s laugh where they got tangled between the garlands. He could vividly remember how, each year, his dad lifted him to place the star on the top of the tree. Jimin didn’t know why but he always wished something while looking at it. So, every Christmas, he’d choose his favourite desire —the thing that his heart craved the most— and whispered it in front of the big yellow star. It may sound ridiculous but something inside of him felt warm after doing it; a signal that, no matter how much it’d cost, he was gonna achieve it someday.
Then Jimin grew up and, along with that, a lot of things changed. Their cousins went to university and left Busan, his brother and he woke up definitely way later than 7 AM or didn’t even wait until the 25th to give each other their presents. However, other things remained the same: like the way his grandmother still snuggled him in her arms or how —no matter what happened— their family decorated the tree together. And even when Jimin didn’t need any more the help of his father to reach the top of the tree, it was still him who placed the star, making his yearly wish.
A lot of exciting new things about Christmas appeared, too. He started appreciating more the food that their parents cooked together on that day, or the way the streets of Busan were more colourful with lights. As Jimin grew up, he realized that what he loved about Christmas the most was the way everything was prettier, including people. It seemed like, during those weeks, everybody forgot about their sorrows, as if in the air lived a pretext to wake up with a happy mindset every day. People gathered together; family, friends —sometimes, even complete strangers— and told each other how much they loved each other.
But this Christmas, everything was different. He was not going back to the vivid streets of Busan, or to the soft embrace of his grandmother. He was starting a new Christmas with Jungkook in Seoul, the two of them alone. Last year, they had met each other’s family and spent the festivity in both places, taking advantage of the fact that they were both from Busan. But as December came closer, Jimin and Jungkook thought about creating a new tradition together. After all, Christmas was about going home, and theirs was already in Seoul, next to each other. Even if he thought it was a good idea, the blond expected himself to be a little sad on this day. But ever since he woke up today, Jimin was ecstatic, more than any other year, and he wasn’t sure why.
“So,” Jungkook spoke, taking the older out of his bubble; “since we don’t have our tree set, shall we make your yearly wish in that pretty amazing big one?”
Jimin laughed, nodding. Past weeks had been a mess, both of them immersed in work and studies and when they finally stopped, it was Christmas Eve, and they didn’t have a tree.
It was early in the morning when Jungkook realized it. He panicked, waking Jimin up and asking for forgiveness —even if Jimin was half asleep and his mind was occupied on how the younger was cuter with his pout and his hair still messy from bed.
It wasn’t that Jungkook was a big fan of Christmas, but he was a fan of how the blond’s eyes shine even more during that week. He knew everything about Jimin, including the way he felt about the festivity, even about his little secret. And he was very worried about everything going well on their first Christmas together: he bought Jimin’s present in secret, searched a lot of recipes to cook him and even called their moms to send special food —which had arrived this morning, too, and made the older so happy. So, when he woke up, he couldn’t believe that they’d forgotten something that important. Opposite to Jungkook’s fear, Jimin was not worried, saying that there was a lot of time to still buy it. After all, it was decorating it what Jimin loved the most and, as long as they did it together, he couldn’t care less about when.
But now, at the end of the street, there was a big pretty tree with a yellow star on top and next to the warmth of his boyfriend, Jimin couldn’t find another better place to make his wish.
It took them a couple of minutes to arrive at the plaza. People were gathering around the big tree, that was playing a spectacle with its lights and music. They were getting closer to the crowd when Jungkook’s phone starting to ring.
“It’s work,” he said, looking at the display. “I’ll answer it, give me a minute baby.” Jimin nodded, placing a chaste kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. He watched his boyfriend taking the call and walking far from the noise.
The older looked around, enjoying the feeling of being immersed in the plaza’s atmosphere. It was like back in Busan, as if the air at Christmas was different. Jimin had spent a lot of time in Cheonggyecheon, next to the creek or walking around the square too. He had it memorized, the streets and the people in it. Of course, there wasn’t always the same people walking around, but it felt like that. While Cheonggyecheon gave the spirit of calmness and happiness —the main reason why Jimin had always found a safe place in it— it was not those adjectives how would you describe the people in there. Every people were a world, and Jimin had found a lot of stories hidden between the sad or stressed faces looking at the creek. It was okay, it wasn’t that the blond was always happy. Life was tough and getting through the day always was a battle. But Christmas seemed the end-of-year reward; as if something in the air was telling you that you had survived another year, that you did well. So, in every world that each person was around Jimin, he could feel hope in all of them.
The blond smiled, rubbing his hands as coldness was getting inside his bones. There was a little shop with hot chocolate close. He looked at Jungkook who was still on the phone, his tattooed hand moving in the air as if the person whom he was talking was in front of him. It seemed like the younger wouldn’t finish soon, so he looked again at the shop.
“Maybe I can get us chocolate before he comes”, he thought. He started to walk happily, humming the carol that was resonating. A racket made him abruptly stop his pace, looking around to identify where the sound came from.
A little old lady was laying on the floor, next to a lot of flowers scattered on the floor. Jimin didn’t think twice, running to where the woman was, and leaving his bag before helping her to stand up.
“Are you okay, halmoni?” Jimin asked, checking her body to see if she was injured. He was stopped by a warm hand on his.
“Oh! I’m perfectly fine, boy!” her voice was melodious. It felt like a dream, her words entering Jimin’s ears softly.
“Are you sure? I can take you to a hospital if you’re not feeling well,” the blond answered, his eyes still looking for any sign of harm in the lady. She seemed fine, making Jimin sigh in relief. The woman laughed as an answer, her hand travelling to the guy’s face.
“You’re a really good boy,” she said, fixating her gaze on him. Jimin gulped, a shiver running through his spine. It didn’t seem like she was looking at him but more like looking through him. “Your heart is so pure; you’re always caring about others more than about you. What is your name, handsome boy? she said, crinkling her eyes.
“Park Jimin,” he replied, not even realizing the words out of his mouth.
“Well, Park Jimin,” she spoke carefully, “I really hope you can achieve every dream you want. I’ll root for your happiness!” she beamed, her hand leaving the blond’s face to pick a white flower and handing it to him.
“Thank you so much, halmoni;” he thanked politely.
“Oh, call me Eun-byeol, boy,” the woman giggled. “It was a pleasure to meet you, have a good Christmas!”
“Jimin?” he could hear Jungkook’s voice in the distance. He turned his head to see him, the younger standing where they separated, his hand waving in the elder’s direction. Jimin smiled, ready to say goodbye to the charming lady.
But when he looked back, nobody was there.
His eyes wandered around the plaza, confused, searching for the woman, but no trace of her was found. Jimin gulped and, as Jungkook was calling his name one more time, walked to him, still holding the white flower.
06:00 PM
“So, what are you going to wish this year?” Jungkook questioned when they got closer to the Christmas tree. It was enormous, all made with lights of different colours and forms. On top of it, a yellow star with sparkles around was placed.
Jimin was amazed, watching how the illumination was dancing at the sound of the carols. The younger smiled fondly, watching his boyfriend’s red lips forming an “o”. He placed himself behind Jimin, hugging him. The older giggled at the touch, stroking his cheeks with his boyfriend’s.
“I don’t know, I haven’t thought of it yet,” he answered, sighing.
Jimin’s first wish was to dance.
He was six, and some of his friends were dancing around in PE class, catching instantly Jimin’s attention. It was the way they moved, so freely, that made the little boy wanted to try. And that year, watching the star, the words escaped from his mouth. However, he hadn’t told anyone about it —he didn’t even write it in Santa Claus’ letter. That was the reason why he definitely was not expecting finding under the tree some ballet’s flats on Christmas day. It was at that moment that Jimin’s tradition began.
Along those years, not all of their wishes were granted. For example, when Jimin asked to be an astronaut, nobody appeared in front of his house to take him to the moon —even if he patiently waited the entire day. But, as he grew up, Jimin realized that rather than wanting it to be granted immediately, it was reassuring saying it out loud, a reminder to himself that he was going to make his dream come true.
“You know you can ask whatever you want,” Jungkook said, bringing the blond back to reality. “Think of something really big,” he encouraged him, placing a kiss on his cheek.
“I wish I can debut,” he whispered immediately, his hands gripping the bags and the flower tightly. “I wish I can be an idol.”
Jungkook smiled, “I’m sure you’re gonna grant your own wish soon, baby.”
Ever since Jimin started to dance, he knew there wasn’t anything he wanted to do more in his life. It was his favourite thing in the world, the one that he’d never got tired of. He had grown up dancing, pouring every single emotion that he ever felt in there. When he first fell in love; when his heart got broken. When he was so happy, he could feel like crying or when he felt so mad that he wanted to set his world on fire; dancing was his best friend that held his hand silently. So, when he was fifteen and people were starting to dream about different jobs, he could only see himself in front of a scenario, dancing.
His parents weren’t happy about it, at first. He went through a lot of hardships, trying to show them that he was serious about it. It took him a lot of blood, sweat and tears but he got their support, starting at the age of seventeen his new journey in Seoul. Now, six years after, he had been a trainee for 4 years in a company called BigHit entertainment. And as much as he should feel closer to his dream, it felt further than never.
“I’m not sure,” he sighed, suddenly feeling smaller in the middle of the crowd. “I wish I could just do a time skip and find myself already singing and dancing in an arena.”
“Well,” Jungkook spoke, his warm voice next to Jimin’s ear; “whether it’s tomorrow or in a hundred years, I know I’m going to be on the first line. I’m going to be your best fan, watch me going around with a T-shirt with your face all the time.”
Jimin laughed.
“As if you wouldn’t do it right now if I allowed you too,” he joked, turning himself in Jungkook’s embrace. The younger was looking at him smiling and it made Jimin’s being feel on flames, every part of him burning in love for him.
“You caught me,” he giggled; “I guess I just love you that much.”
“I guess I just love you back that much, too;” the older answered, closing his eyes when he felt Jungkook’s lips on his forehead. “What is your wish?”
“Oh, am I allowed to wish something? I feel honoured.”
“Don’t joke too much about it or I’ll take it back,” he asserted, trying to look serious. It didn’t work, his whole body betraying him placing a soft smile on his lips unconsciously.
“Mmh, my wish is,” Jungkook thought out loud, “to be with you forever. I feel like, as long as you’re by my side, I’ll be powerful enough to achieve whatever I want.” The younger paused for a moment, pondering; “it’s not that I can’t do it without you, but life is so great next to you that I just want to maintain this. I don’t care what would happen to me as long as I can you’re with me.”
Jimin gulped, tears blurring his sight. He blinked twice, trying not to make the situation more emotional. He just loved Jungkook too much he felt overwhelmed. It was incredible the way the younger had changed in their three years together. Jimin could see it in his face, in the way his skin was way more filled with ink or even in his style. It was remarkable in the way words flowed out of their mouth, always directing his most beautiful ones to the blond. But if one thing didn’t change in him, it was the sparkles in his eyes. In front of the Christmas tree and the most decorated streets of Seoul, there wasn’t light more powerful than the one that irradiated the brunet’s gaze. It was pure, innocence and love. Jungkook was love in every move, in every touch and in every word. Jimin wanted to cry; because he was sure that Jungkook meant it by the way his eyes were shining in front of him. And he could only wish, leaning forward to kiss the boy, that the younger could see the love in his eyes, too.
10:00 PM
“Okay, food is ready!” Jungkook announced, bringing a hot pot in his hands.
Jimin clapped, his nostrils filled with the characteristic smell of bulgogi. In front of them, there were their favourites dishes: bulgogi, sweet potatoes and kimchi. They’d started cooking as soon as they got home, both of them trying their best.
“Let’s go,” Jimin sang, taking a bit of the sweet potatoes. He savoured, taking an exaggerated time to pronounce his sentence. “Yep, we shouldn’t open a restaurant, baby.”
“What? Is it that horrible?” Jungkook panicked, eating a bit of it. “It doesn’t taste bad, you brat!” he snapped, hitting jokingly his boyfriend’s shoulder. “It may not taste as well as our moms’ but it’s fine!”
Jimin couldn’t help but burst in a laugh. The food was far from being okay to him, but it didn’t matter, not a little bit. It was their food on their day, and nothing could ruin it. He took a bit of kimchi this time, giggling due to Jungkook’s worried stare.
Their dinner went by jokes and laughs, memories of their last Christmas with their families and a lot of possible upgrades for future Christmas —like decorating the tree before, learning how to cook better or not to hide their presents in the same spot. It might seem that the day had gone horribly, but it was in that moment, talking about spending Christmas together for more years, that Jimin realized why he couldn’t be sad for being far from Busan. His new family was in front of his eyes, trying the new camera Jimin had gifted him five minutes ago.
Jimin was not happy because of the way that Christmas had turned out, but because it was their first together of a hundred more. And he was ecstatic, imagining himself getting older with Jungkook, year after year, growing up in life and love. Like the seasons passing, softly and gradually, almost unconsciously; Jimin was eager to spend the rest of his life with Jungkook, both of them achieving everything hand in hand.
And it was in his boyfriend’s chest where Jimin fell asleep, their naked skins touching, their hearts on sync and the moon watching over their love.
Seoul, December 25th
08:30 AM
When Jimin opened his eyes that morning, his whole body was numb. It was weird; as if he had dived into a heavy sleep, only to wake up not knowing really well who he was, or where. The blond blinked twice, trying to slowly adapt to the morning light that invaded his room.
Didn’t Jungkook close the blinds yesterday? the older thought. Jimin seemed to always forget about it, and it was the brunet who always did it for the sake of both of them.
That was the moment where he realized Jungkook was not sleeping next to him.
“Babe?” he called, his low voice flooding the room. There was no response, so he tried a little bit louder, feeling his throat a little sore.
Why would he be sore? He was perfectly fine yesterday.
Jimin waited for a couple of seconds to hear a sign that there was someone, but he only found silence. He was starting to be worried about where his boyfriend would be when the sound of his phone made its appearance, not allowing the feeling to reach him.
“Hello?” he answered the phone immediately, hoping to hear Jungkook’s voice. But instead of the melodious tone of the younger, a high-pitched woman’s voice appeared.
“Good morning! How is my favourite star starting Christmas? Getting ready for his performance in..” the woman stopped talking for a moment; “4 hours, maybe?”
“Excuse me, I think you’ve dialled the wrong number,” Jimin spoke politely, the uneasy feeling reaching this time his body at the thought of where Jungkook could have been.
He got up from the bed, and it was while exiting his room that he heard the words that turned his world upside down.
“Hahaha Park Jimin you’re so funny!” she beamed, although the boy could still find that passive-aggressive tone under his fake kindness. “But I would highly appreciate you if you don’t joke on one of the most important days to your career until now.”
“How do you know my name?” he asked, startled, not paying attention to any of her words apart from his name.
“I don’t know, maybe because I’ve been your manager for 2 years? Does that seem a good reason to know your name?” she hissed. Jimin walked back just like if the words had hit into his body. “My manager? What manager?” he screamed in his head, confused.
“I don’t think I’m following you. There must have been a mistake,” he said, but it sounded more as if he hoped, trying to make the whole situation sense.
“Jimin,” the woman’s voice lowed. There was not fake kindness or passive-aggressive undertone, only seriousness invading the phone. It made the blond shiver, nodding even if he perfectly knew that she couldn’t see him. “I like your personality, I really do. You’re funny and it makes my work easier. But please, don’t joke on this. I’ve been working nonstop to make you one of the biggest stars at the Christmas show in Cheonggyecheon plaza. There will be a lot of fans there but most importantly, there would be a lot of people who don’t know yet;” she paused for a second, words sinking in Jimin’s body. “And I need you to put your beautiful ass here in 1 hour to get ready and made the whole plaza your number one fans!” she finished, returning to her initial tone.
“I..” Jimin mumbled, completely lost. “Okay?” he whispered, still loud enough to be heard.
“Perfect! Perfect!” He felt for the first time in the conversation that the woman was nervous. “A car would be there in half an hour okay? Everything is going to be great!” she sang before hanging out.
Okay, well, that was not what he was expecting for his first Christmas away from Busan at all.
Something must have happened. He must have forgotten it accidentally, a big fact that can make this whole situation sense. But nothing came to his mind.
Maybe he had amnesia? He must have hit his head very hard while sleeping. Was that possible? Forgetting from one day to another what it seemed like a huge part of his life?
“The woman said that she’s been working with me for two years. Did I forget two years of my life?” he panicked put loud, picking up his phone again to see the date.
“December 25th, 2020”
Okay, he hadn’t forgotten two years of his life. That was a really good step to begin with. It made Jimin relax a little bit in the chaos that his life was at the moment. He looked at his phone, something not clicking inside him. It took him a couple of minutes but once he realized, he can’t simply look away at it.
Why wasn’t Jungkook on his wallpaper?
He knows himself; he would have never removed that pic. It was their first selca together, the first time they found each other at Jimin’s favourite cafeteria. It was simple, both of them looking at the camera while smiling. The older had taken it to send it to Tae and it was in that innocence; in the fact that he was not aware what would the younger mean to him in a few years, what it made the photo so beautiful. He loved it, and it was his shortcut to erase any type of bad feelings.
However, the picture that now appeared on the blond’s phone was just him holding what it seemed like an award. He could see his smile on the picture, spreading to his eyes as they formed crescent moons. But as much as Jimin wanted, happiness was not reaching to him that moment. He was unsettled, his body full of questions and doubts that collided against one another, sickening him. And as much as he wanted to stay there, to lay in bed and wait for someone familiar to come into and solve his doubts, the blond knew that the woman who called him before could answer at least some of his questions.
He ran to the shower, eager to feel the hot water running down his body and confirm him that this was just a bad dream.
09:30 AM
When he ran downstairs, a black car was in front of his apartment. He saw a man, not much older than him, waving with a friendly smile in his direction. It calmed Jimin, naturally approaching the man that didn’t feel so stranger to him as it should.
“Hey bud!” he cheered, open the co-pilot’s door. Jimin smiled politely, greeted him back while getting into the car.
“We must be very close if he’s talking so informal while working;” he thought, looking how the boy was now sitting to drive.
They spent a couple of minutes in a really comfortable silence, almost as if both of them were used to it. Jimin couldn’t help but feel his mind flooded with questions. How much did his driver know of him? Were they friends? But if they were, why would Jimin not remember him? Why was he forgetting so much about his own life?
“Excuse me…”, the blond spoke, trying to guess how to call him; “bud.”
The driver couldn’t help but burst in a laugh.
“Bud? Where did you leave the honorifics, Min?” he told him off jokingly. Jimin laughed slightly, feeling less and less tense the more time he spent with that boy on the car.
“You called it to me first!” he complained amused.
“Yes, but that’s how I refer to you. I’ve always been Hobi-hyung to you, dumbass. I like when you call me like it,” he said. Jimin clapped internally, saving as much information as he could.
Okay, so they were close, really close if Jimin called him hyung. They also seemed to be comfortable next to each other and they definitely know for some time by the way they had a favourite way to name the other.
I got this; I can do this.
“Okay Hobi-hyung;” Jimin continued. “Can we play a game? About how much you know of me. I’ll treat you to dinner if you win;” he said confidently. If Hobi knew him pretty well, he could also be a help.
“Oh, that’s a really easy game. Are you trying to compensate the fact that you’re making me work on Christmas day?” the older replied. Jimin nodded.
“Let’s say that I am,” the blond giggled. “Okay, first question, when did I make my debut?”
“Easy,” he exclaimed happily. “Two years ago, June of 2018, right?”
I hope so, Jimin thought.
“Yes,” he said out loud. Okay, so he had debuted, and he had a manager.
Wait.
He had debuted.
“I am an idol,” Jimin spoke, more to himself than to Hobi. He repeated the words, this time almost inaudible, not clicking in his head.
“Of course you’re an idol!” the driver hit his arm friendly since the car was stopped in a red light. “A good one, actually;” he added, “or do you think every solo artist get a first win in his debut like you, Min?”
“What?” he almost shouted, confused. A first win? How would he forget about his first win? “Second question, how many records do I have?” he asked rapidly, hoping that the boy couldn’t feel his panic. It seemed like he didn’t, the older driving again as soon as the light turned green.
“I don’t know bud, a lot;” he laughed.
Jimin tried to laugh, but the attempt ended in a yell drowned out.
“Did I ever mention you Jeon Jungkook?” he continued the game, trying not to tremble saying his lover’s name. “Something about him, whatever you can remember.”
Hobi tilted his head; looking like he was thinking really hard about it. After what it seemed like an eternity to Jimin, his hyung talked.
“Nothing, bud. I’ve never heard that name.”
“What about Kim Taehyung?” he tried to ask, but it sounded more as if he were begging for an answer. Jimin gulped, anxiety hitting his stomach.
“I’m sorry Min, but I don’t know who they are. Why? Are they sasaengs?” he quaked, concerned.
“No! I… I was trying to test if you were just guessing randomly. But y-you’re right! I don’t know them;” he explained rapidly. The blond tried to seem normal, but he could feel his entire body shaking. “I don’t know them,” he repeated, this time lower, in an attempt to convince himself.
But it was a lie, they were his soulmate and his boyfriend. He knew them, more than anyone in the world.
How could all of this be real? How would be Jimin achieving his dreams without the most important people to him by his side?
Hobi parked the car and looked at him. The blond must be a mess, he could feel the tears on his throat, ready to come out the moment he opened his mouth. His hands were sweaty, and he was shaking, unable to stay calm, as much as he wanted to. Jimin just wanted to exit the car and breath, fill his lungs with air and forget about this nonsense for a moment. Even so, he still felt the man’s gaze on him, and he was sure that if Hobi asked him what was wrong; he’d say it, without thinking twice.
The man would think that the blond had gone insane. But coming to this point, Jimin was also thinking that he had gone crazy.
However, his hyung didn’t say anything, exiting the car and opening the door for Jimin.
“Good luck on your performance, Min. I’ll be watching you at home waiting for your treat to dinner;” he joked, patting his shoulder, and getting again in the vehicle; leaving an even more confused Jimin in the middle of the street.
11:30 AM
Okay, so in the couple of hours that Jimin had been flooded with makeup artists and different staff that came and went from one place to another; he had been able to collect some information.
Apparently, Hobi was right. He had debuted in 2018, and he had earned a lot of recognition since then. He was famous, not the kind of famous that filled stadiums yet. However, according to her manager —Haeun, that’s how she was called thanks to a card that he saw her holding— Jimin was not only praised by his huge solid fanbase but also for numerous critics and netizens.
And he was so happy, so excited about it.
It was as if the world just erased the suffering of debuting, of making himself a name and he was just catapulted to fame. He was a famous idol —better, a loved one.
However, there was a lot of pieces to connect. There was no trail of Jungkook nor Taehyung, neither of his friends. Instead, on his phone there were a lot of conversations with strangers that seemed close to him. He read their conversations while getting ready for his performance —another subject flooded with holes in Jimin’s mind. But, no matter how much he inspected the chats, over and over again, he couldn’t remember any of it. Worse, he couldn’t feel any of their friends. And as time passed, his body craved more his loved ones —or the ones he thought they were.
“Jimin?” Haeun entered the room, interrupting his thoughts. “Are you ready to rock that performance?” she asked, his fake smile not reaching her eyes. He must have just met her, but the blond seemed to read the woman well. Haeun was nervous, and it was so notorious, almost sickening. It made feel the singer at unease; as if he weren’t realizing how big was what he was about to face.
“Can I ask you something?” Jimin half muttered, holding her manager’s hand with a trembling smile. “What am I supposed to sing?”
“I think I’m going to faint,” she announced and Jimin believed her by the way her face turned completely white. “What is happening to you right now? You’ve always been professional!” his manager screamed in a whisper; the words tumble out messily.
“I know what they are!” he lied rapidly, trying to ease her. It worked, Haeun suddenly breathing and her face going back to a more human colour. “I just want to be sure about it.”
“Okay,” she mumbled, more to herself. “Okay, yeah, yeah everything is going to be okay! Right?” the woman asked, and Jimin couldn’t help but pat her shoulder smiling. At least, he wasn’t the only one freaking out in the room.
“You just have to sing your debut song. Not back up dancers or background music. Just you, your guitar and Promise. Remember?” she explained, their hands still united. Jimin nodded, and his body immediately relaxed. It felt okay, the fact that he debuted with that song, since it was his favourite from his own. There was no way he could screw that up, and the blond would be lying if he said that he was not excited about the idea of singing in front of the plaza.
A man entered the room, letting him know that it was his time to perform. Haeun clapped immediately, nervousness being even more noticeable in her gestures.
“Go and win all of them, my serendipity boy!” she cheered him, and, for the first time, her kindness felt real. Jimin nodded, his stomach filled with butterflies that danced around.
Jimin had only performed in front of four type of audiences: his school, his family, Jungkook and his month-evaluation teachers. And since he was 9 years old when he sang in front of his school, his maximum number of spectators till the day could be considered eight —his parents, Jihyun, his grandma and his cousins.
That’s why, whenever he imagined himself performing in front of a large audience, his whole body screamed in panic.
There was a lot of expectation coming from the unknown, and it was impossible to foresee what would happen to him once he was there. He could mess up, the singer could simply forget the dance, the song or just stumble in front of hundreds of people. What if he just froze once he’s up there? Those had been always thoughts that terrified him.
However, when Jimin approached the scenario, he heard the MC say his name and after that, the whole plaza was screaming. That should have made him freak out —the blond should have felt the urge to run away as soon as he heard people yelling his name with so much enthusiasm— but instead, he felt exactly the opposite. Every single fear disappeared at the sound of the cheers and his body filled with noise; as if his veins were shrieking in excitement. Each step was firmer than the last and just like when you’re on the top of a rolling coaster, the adrenaline was running through his blood, eager.
When he arrived at the scenario, he immediately found a chair next to a wooden guitar. He placed the strap on his shoulder and sit; adjusting the mic. It was at that moment where he allowed himself to look at the audience.
Cheonggyecheon plaza was packed, just like last night when he was walking around with Jungkook. It felt different, so much different than any of the times that Jimin had been there; just walking or watching random people performing. Because this time he was the one on the spotlight, all the lights and eyes were on him and it just felt so good. It may have been the first time he had experienced that, but the blond was completely sure that it was already his favourite feeling in the world.
Jimin took a breath and approached the microphone.
“Hi.”
A loud cheer came from the public, people singing his name. He burst out in a laugh, happiness finally filling his body since he woke up. All of his worries vanished and for a moment there was only him and the strange feeling of love that resonated his ears.
“My name is Park Jimin,” he continued, giggling; “and I’m here to sing one of my songs called Promise. Please look forward to it!” The audience cheered him again and, with a smile that simply can’t be erased, his fingers followed the well-known path of the song.
Jimin was sixteen where he felt what it was hating himself.
It didn’t happen something specific, some big event that changed his own vision. It wasn’t even a spell of bad luck, rather his mind playing him dirty, starting the first round of what it seemed like an interminable fight.
Feelings are overwhelming —you cannot control them, shutting them off. They decide when to appear; when to leave and how intense they should be. It doesn’t matter if they’re good or bad, there’s no pattern. There’s no way to completely know how someone is going to feel from your acts or worse —how you’re going to react to things that are far from your control.
In a battle with emotions —the kind that attacks, burns, and cuts you through— winning is an impossible task. You just keep fighting —trial and error— until you realize they were never born to be tamed. And when they flood yourself, when they invade your lungs, your stomach, your throat and even your heart; you understand them, because they form a part of yourself. That’s when they leave. After all, nothing is meant to last forever.
Jimin learnt it the hard way. He thought there was something bad in him —that he was the one sabotaging himself— becoming enemies with what it should’ve been his best ally. It took him numerous lost battles but, after some years, he understood that there was nothing wrong with him. That, at the end of the day, he was his own light.
That’s how Promise was born.
That song was special to him for a hundred reasons. But mostly because it was his first battle won, after losing thousands of times. It was himself understanding what it had been a part of himself —a part that hurt him but still emptied him when he left.
So when he sang it, there was nothing else. There was no chaos, no questions were filling the air like they had been the entire day. They were no doubts, no uncertainty. Just himself —who once had been his own enemy only to become his friend— and his story in form of guitar’s accords and halfway whispered words.
He finished the song, his fingers stopping their trace as the last “oh-oh” were sang. There it was —a numb silence, once that he definitely didn’t see coming— and after a minute, the whole plaza erupted in yells. Jimin’s adrenaline, that had vanished when singing, immediately filled his body again and he couldn’t help but smile, the cheers lullabying him as if they were a hug. It felt so good, so so good that once he felt it, the blond was not sure how he could have lived without it.
Jimin placed the guitar again next to the chair and thanked the audience by doing a 90-degree bow. He repeated it, whispering loving words to them, even if they couldn’t hear him at all. He understood what every idol said about loving a fan. It was familiar, and even if you didn’t know them at all, a part of your soul seemed living in them. Jimin felt that they belong to them, by the way they warmly sang his name, embracing him. The singer didn’t want to say goodbye, just ran to them, and ask everything about their lives.
But when he incorporated and looked at the crowd again, he felt a well-known voice in his head.
“Well, whether it’s tomorrow or in a hundred years, I know I’m going to be on the first line in the arena.”
But Jungkook wasn’t there, even if he had promised it so many times.
Jimin couldn’t help but search for him, even if it were useless, he needed to check one more time, for his heart to feel at ease. But, as he expected, there was no trail of him, his heart breaking a little bit.
The blond was ready to leave when he spotted a face that seemed familiar. It was an old woman that had her gaze fixated in him. Jimin knew her, but his mind couldn’t process well who she was. It was when she winked at him smiling that he realized it.
Eun-byeol.
And, as if destiny dictated his steps, he left the scenario to find her.
12:40 PM
“Jimin, honey!” Haeun squeezed him in a tight hug as soon as he came back to backstage. “That was… unexpected?” she pondered out loud, releasing the boy from his grip.
“What? I sang Promise, how we talked before,” he said, confused.
Haeun looked at him puzzled, just like if he were talking in a different language. Even if she seemed more relaxed, his manager was still holding that nervous gaze, the type that wandered through the room like she were in a constant search of something.
“Well, there must have been a misunderstanding” she chimed, though it sounded more like Jimin was the only one guilty; “but I was talking about your original version of Promise, the one that seems cheerful and doesn’t look so… corny.”
Okay, that was mean, he thought, trying not to let his feelings get to the surface.
“But it’s okay,” Haeun continued, at the silence of Jimin. “People seemed to love it, and this is going to help you so much! I’m so happy for us Jimin-ah, you really made my Christmas wish came true!” Jimin burst into a laugh at those words, one that was so close to becoming a sob.
Haeun left the room just a little after, leaving a Jimin completely lost, his whole happiness now erased once the adrenaline left his body again.
He stood for a while in the backstage room, looking at the guitar that accompanied him on the scenario. It was similar to the one that was in his apartment —the one that he and Jungkook bought together on their first anniversary. It was examining it —and missing the other— where he understood why he didn’t play the version the rest was expecting him to.
Jungkook had been the one who composed that melody.
It had been the first time Jimin broke his walls in front of him. One summer night, in the younger’s apartment —before they started dating, when they were just slowly falling in love with each other. They were rambling about different topics like the vastness of the sea, like how the number three seemed red or how lava was made for people to wish to taste it, even if it would be mortal. It was in that swinging of trivial themes where feelings came into the picture and then Jimin just gave in.
Jungkook carefully listened, lullabying him into a soft embrace, one that never seemed appropriate for two friends, but that neither of them cuts. Jimin sang Promise, in the middle of the darkness while looking to the sparkles that never left Jungkook’s eyes. And after it, the brunet just kissed his cheek, getting himself up and picking his guitar and playing the trembling accords that, with time, became the melody that Jimin had followed minutes ago.
The fact that the song had the same lyrics, but different rhythm only proved one thing to him.
Jungkook was not in his life anymore.
And even if he had sensed it, even if he had already had the chance to confirm it —like Hobi’s words or his wallpaper —it was at that moment when it hit his body.
Alone in the backstage, holding that wooden guitar; Jimin broke in tears, mourning something he was not sure where he lost it.
01:30 PM
When Jimin exited the room, a lot of people had already left. It soothed his anxiety, that was once again installed in his body, and threatened to never get out. However, he hoped that Eun-byeol didn’t leave after all.
He spent more than fifteen minutes searching for her, for the old lady that he saw falling last night. She seemed so weak and kind-hearted that he didn’t hesitate to help her, completely worried about it. It had been just an anecdote in his yesterday’s eyes but now, looking into the big plaza that didn’t seem like the one he had seen before, Jimin felt that encounter must have had more impact in his life than what he initially thought.
However, there was no trail of her. Jimin felt hopeless, regretting the time he spent backstage trying to process the information. It was chaotic and none of this made any sense; but he was alone there, and the only thing that could work was to adapt, even if he were not sure to what.
The blond sit on a bench, his body collapsing into the cold stone. He needed a rest, a long one. For a couple of minutes, Jimin allowed himself to forget. Forget about what was happening to him, about how his life was completely different from one day to another, about how his heart was split between the longing for his loved ones, and soothed by the way singing in front of people felt. He completely erased every worry in his mind, the sound of the river flowing down only filling his senses. It seemed to work when someone touched his elbow, throwing him right into reality again, the one that terrified and excited him at the same time.
When he opened his eyes, a middle-aged woman was in front of him. She seemed powerful and defiant; as if she were the CEO of a big company. It seemed that the world were at her feet and Jimin got up to bow in front of her. But as soon as the blonde incorporated, the woman hugged him happily, her honey voice flooding his ears.
“Jimin, my lovely boy, how is it your Christmas wish going?” she sang, breaking the touch to examine the boy. “Oh my god! You’re even more handsome now. I couldn’t see it from the stage before.”
The singer stumbled back a little bit, looking at the woman. It looked like another stranger that seemed to know better the boy than himself —truth be told, he had found already several cases that day. But the way she talked seemed different; as if she knew that Jimin’s life was quite the opposite 24hrs ago. So, the blond looked through her, checking her dark short hair, or in the way she was now smiling at him, her whole aura a lot more friendly now. But what caught his interest the most, it was how she had crinkled her eyes. He knew her, he definitely had seen her before. And then, something clicked inside of him, by the way the warmth of the woman pierced him.
“Eun-byeol?” he exclaimed, approaching her. She nodded excited, clapping until Jimin held her hands. “Halmoni, I’m sorry! You just look so much different;” he apologized, gaining a laugh.
“Boy, don’t call me like that! Can’t you see I’m not a halmoni anymore?” she giggled, caressing his face. She looked like all of this situation was so easy to understand but it wasn’t —not for Jimin who had never been more confused in his entire life.
“Would you mind explaining what is happening to me, ajumma?” he half-begged, desperate. Jimin needed answers or he’d faint at that spot. The woman could see it —how the blond was far from happy that moment —and her loving gaze was transformed into a worried one.
“It is happening what you asked the world to, my dear boy;” she spoke softly, helping Jimin to sit again. He breathed in, trying not to cry. Eun-byeol soothed him like his mother, stroking his back as little tears ran through his face.
“I,” his voice completely broke; “I just don’t understand. Why am I alone here? Why don’t I recognize anyone?” he asked, not exactly to the woman, but more to the world itself.
“You wished to the world to be already an idol, love. You said it while holding the flower I gave you,” she explained. “As your kind heart helped me yesterday, I wanted to help you today. That’s why I granted your wish, Jimin. I thought you’d be happy about it.”
“I am!” he answered. And he was, as much as uncertainty took over his body. When he had sung in front of the plaza, and there was nothing more than music and him; he had felt ecstatic. It captivated him and he could feel again the adrenaline by just thinking about it. “It is just that this,” he explained, waving his hands in the air; “this is so different from what I’ve ever thought. Where is Jungkook? The boy that was with me yesterday,” he questioned again, looking at Eun-byeol. The woman seemed confused and the younger’s voice flooded his memories and senses.
“Mmh, my wish is,” Jungkook thought out loud, “to be with you forever.”
“Why didn’t you grant also his wish, ajumma?” he whispered, a sob retained in his throat. The woman hugged him, consoling the boy.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about, Jimin. If I had seen another boy with you yesterday, I’d give him a flower, too.” At that moment, Jimin realized.
Jungkook never saw Eun-byeol.
He was taking a call from work when Jimin thought about bringing themselves chocolate. Then he found Eun-byeol and when his boyfriend came back, the woman had already vanished. It had been all matter of time. If Jungkook had returned a couple of seconds before, or Jimin had retained the woman for a little more; they’d be happy together.
But it hadn’t been like that and now he had lost Jungkook.
He then let himself cry, in front of the whole street. The blond sobbed, gripping the woman’s shirt while she stroked his hair, her own warmth spreading into Jimin’s body and soothing him, almost as if magic had drowned into his pores.
They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, the necessary for Jimin to feel a lot better. He felt like he was battling again with emotions, and it already seemed lose.
“I didn’t mean your unhappiness, Jimin;” Eun-byeol acknowledged. “If this is not what you want, there’s no point of you living this life.” She took a flower out of her purse, exactly like yesterday’s one.
“But what if I want this life? What if this is just my dream but doesn’t completely feel right?” he sniffed, accepting the white flower.
“Then you should decide what’s best;” Eun-byeol pronounced while incorporating. She looked once again to the blond. “You have until midnight to decide it, precious boy. If this is what you ever wanted or if you want this to fade away; that’s all up to you.”
And as unexpected as she appeared, she left, leaving the flower as the only signal to Jimin that all of this had been real.
08:30 PM
Jimin thought that, if he ever had the chance to go back in time, he’d use it —no matter what. It wasn’t that Jimin had lived a regretful life, it was that things always can be done better. There was always a better outcome, a kinder one, and even if he weren’t perfectionist, he couldn’t help but hope, from time to time, to have a second chance to do things differently.
But since the moment the flower had landed on his hands, all of his conviction faded away. Just as if storm landed on his body, rain erased all of his principle and convictions, leaving him empty and soaked to the bone.
After Eun-byeol disappeared, Jimin walked across the streets, holding the flower as if it were his only salvation. Truth is, he was not so sure about it.
There was a reason why he had spent too much time in Cheonggyecheon: it was near the company building where he was training —or better said, he had debuted. Between the river and the trees, Jimin had hidden during the years of his journey as a trainee. He spent most of his breaks there alone, watching people going around, studying for his exams, or just sinking down his sorrow. The blond had also spent a lot of time there with his friends, or with Jungkook and he even showed it to his family one time they visited Seoul. So, of course, if Jimin had to describe what that place, that creek and that plaza felt to him —familiar, would be the word.
But right now, when he looked at the Christmas lights, the couples holding hands and each little story that crowded around; none of them felt like it. Sure, it wasn’t completely unknown, they were still the same streets, the same water flowing —but at the same time, it sensed completely different. And Jimin was not sure if it was a good or a bad thing, he was not sure about anything at all anymore.
However, he found himself walking back to the place where all of that mess had started —the plaza, where the big tree was waiting for him; as if they had been old friends. The blond knew perfectly what he had to do; he was repeating the words in his mind while going down the street.
And it should’ve been so easy if he hadn’t seen the scenario where he had performed some hours ago.
If you’d asked Jimin about debuting yesterday, he’d say that he had never seen it so far. It was always uncertain, evaluations harder and harder each month. His parents wanted results and, truth be told, he needed it too. He had been on the edge of giving up multiple times during that year —always afraid of realizing that maybe he had chosen the wrong path. And now, he had it secured. Better than debuting, he was in the right way for success, praised as a promising star. He won’t need to worry about it anymore, he would have finally achieved his dream. Everything he ever wanted was right in front of his eyes.
Why couldn’t he be completely happy about it, then?
One day, between kisses and cuddles, Jimin asked Jungkook if he’d ever turn back time given the chance.
“I don’t think so,” the younger had answered, pecking his lips. “I’m the kind of hopeless people that believe in fate. There are some things that you must pursue, of course; but there’s also a huge amount of decisions that are made by the sky, the trees, and the air.”
“That is so romantic,” Jimin giggled and Jungkook accompanied him.
“I guess love made me like this,” he replied, nuzzling his nose between the elder’s neck. “It’s just that I’m a firm believer that if life is sending you a message, you must blindly believe it. Last time I did it lead me to you.”
Jimin held to those words several times in his life. He ended up believing it too —sometimes, life would just gift you something and it would be absurd of you to decline it. What if this was another present? It looked like it, it was everything he could ever ask for.
And here it came —the feeling of sabotaging himself. Why couldn’t he stick up to a decision? Was it too greedy —being completely happy?
Jimin stood for hours in front of their collided worlds: the tree —his past life, one showered with love but a grey future— and the scenario —this strange and weird reality that allowed him to be everything he ever craved, but that inevitably felt so blue.
It was a lost battle, even if it hadn’t been wagged yet. There was no solution, no good or bad choice —it was just him, alone, having to give up between two things that he loved. And as time passed, he was even more and more confused, the clock mocking him whenever he checked the hour.
Jimin didn’t even realize the sun had already set when someone called him from behind. He turned, finding a girl shorter than him. She seemed younger, her brown eyes shining so brightly that Jimin could see himself reflected on them. Her clothes were completely black, from head to toe, but nothing in herself seemed dark at all. Instead, she felt like a light, one too bright, that warmed the boy even if it was the first time that he had ever seen her. The girl couldn’t stop looking at him, her hands intertwined one another, showing her nervousness. But, unlike Haeun, it only softened him, nodding at her call.
“Oh, okay, you’re Jimin;” she whispered to herself, not believing it. “I-I am a big fan of you, s-since the beginning. M-my name is Minah;” the girl stuttered, bowing. Jimin’s heartbeat accelerated at the word fan, immediately smiling, and greeting her back.
“I hope I’m not bothering you,” she continued, waving her hands in the air. “I recognized you and since you were alone, I couldn’t help myself to talk to you for a minute.”
“You’d never bother me;” he answered. And it was true, the singer couldn’t find any situation where he could be bothered by her presence.
He had found a lot of strangers during that day, different people that seemed to know him better; to expect something from a Jimin that he couldn’t foresee. But it was at that moment, where he felt home in the vastness of the unknown. She was not pretending to know his next step and he didn’t need to be prepared for her next words. It was familiar, it felt so natural.
“I was watching your performance earlier;” she commented, her voice a bit unstable. “I hadn’t heard that version of Promise before, but I loved it so much, even more than the original.” Jimin laughed, feeling his stomach full of excitement as a thought crossed his mind.
Jungkook would be so happy to hear that.
“Thank you so much;” he spoke, smiling. “It was the version a person I really love made for me.”
“I could feel it. It expresses more tenderness;” Minah said and Jimin agreed. He hadn’t heard his own song, but it would never be better than the one he made with Jungkook.
For a moment, a silence appeared between them. It should be uncomfortable, but it was rather the opposite. Just like when you ran out of words from a friend, the blond just patiently enjoyed the way the music from the plaza decorated their ambience.
“Whenever I imagined myself in front of you, I’ve always had a million things to say. But now that it is finally happening, I’m speechless. I’m such a mess, sorry;” she apologized laughing, but Jimin could see how her expressive eyes turned glassy. Jimin wanted to tell her that it was okay, that she was far from that; but he couldn’t because she continued, gulping the tears.
“I met you right after your debut. It was by accident, searching for another thing. But then I heard you and I couldn’t take your song out of my mind. I even dreamed with it;” she giggled, more relaxed than before. “You’ve been by my side since then. I got the enormous chance to see you grow. And better, I’ve been able to grow by your side for two years by now. You wouldn’t even believe how lucky I feel.”
And Jimin knew he wouldn’t because, as special as the love an idol have for their fan is; what a fan felt for their idol is also unique.
“Since I met you, my life hadn’t been easy;” she continued, her voice breaking a little. “There had been a lot of tough stuff, and I became too harsh with myself. I wagged a battle with me, one that I never ever wanted to begin with. There was always a way to do things better, a lot of flaws in myself that needed to be fixed. But I wasn’t able to, and that made me miserable. Everything felt so wrong but then you came into the picture and it seemed right;” she breathed, looking up to the sky to retain her emotions. “I saw that battle in you, I knew you were fighting with it too. And I can’t even express how much admiration I held for you, because you’ve sacrificed so many things to get better and change every part that you wanted to.” Another pause, one that broke Jimin’s heart a little bit when he realized the girl was sobbing.
“All that I want to say is that I’m so proud of you. Thanks for being my biggest role model and cause. I wouldn’t say I’d die for you, or that I live for you; more like I am able to live thanks to you. You showed me that I was my own hero and all I want to do right now is live a full life. I still need to fight a lot, but I am better than before. And maybe one day I’ll be completely okay.”
She finished her speech, cleaning her tear-stained face. Jimin tried to talk, but he couldn’t find the right words. He felt overwhelmed, but it was not suffocating. It was dizzying, everything she said floating around the boy. He could feel her love, and it was one beyond words or anything concrete. But he was feeling it and all that he wanted to do was to thank her, for giving him the right words.
“All I want to do right now is live a full life.”
“I don’t know what to say;” he admitted, scratching his neck nervously. “I should be the one thanking you, for supporting and believing in me since the beginning. I…” he tried to find the right words; being quiet for a brief moment. “I wish you could know how much you’ve helped me right now.”
“It wouldn’t be half as much as everything you’ve done for me;” she replied, softly. “All I ever want for you is to be happy, in all of its ways.”
“Even if it means I should be away from you for a little bit?” he asked, not even thinking too much about it until he had already said it. Minah opened slightly her still glassy eyes, but after a couple of seconds, she nodded, going back to her honest smile.
“Yes, even if it means that. I would wait forever for you;” she stated, firmly. “I know that I’d always find you, in each of my lives. So, it’s okay if you had to step back, I would walk forward and wait patiently for you.”
Jimin smiled, reaching the girl’s hand.
“Thanks for finding me,” he said, hoping that she would understand how sincere Jimin was. It seemed so, by the way she nodded, saying goodbye to him. The blond watched her leave and approaching a tall boy that hugged her as soon as she came. Minah was right, she should live a full life.
Jimin too.
There was a difference between the two realities that he was given. One held the possibility of losing a piece, the other one had already lost it. Both were a lose-lose situation, but only one of them could still be saved.
“There’s one reason why I would go back in time;” Jungkook had said that day, after a while. “Only if I hadn’t done things the right way. Even if it means the worst outcome, I want to live a life on my own. With my efforts and mistakes. As long as I don’t regret losing myself on the path, it’d be right. If I miss that, then I’d beg for that chance.”
This might be everything Jimin had wished since he was a kid, but it didn’t sit right in his body. Just like Promise, the version of him that had achieved every dream didn’t seem like him anymore. What was the point of success if it didn’t feel like he had done it? He was only half happy and the missing piece was nowhere to be found. Staying in that life seemed to give up to a full life.
Going back to his past was not easier. He’d have to deal with a lot of emptiness, rainy days, and battles that he wasn’t even sure he’d be able to face. But it would be his battles, his achievements. Jimin was now sure that it was the right path, and all that he had to do was to leave his blood, sweat and tears for a little more on it.
At least, if life threw him away; Jungkook would be right there to catch him up.
How would he experience full happiness if the brunet weren’t by his side? There wouldn’t be a way, not when Jimin already knew what it was like to be soothed by his love. Jungkook was his light, his night, and even if the blond were sure he could live without the boy —he wanted to be with him, to fight next to him. Just like if Jungkook needed to be a soldier, he’d like to be right behind him in the battlefield. That what love was for him. That was how he desired to live his life.
Jimin walked sturdily, eager to take his decision. He looked at the big tree in front of him, lights dancing just like yesterday; as if everything had remained the same. And with that hope, he gripped the white flower, closing his eyes.
“I hope I could return to my life from before. Even if it takes me a hundred years, I want to pursue my dreams with the people I love. Please;” the blond whispered, placing the white flower next to his heart.
Then, everything went numb and, just as if a wave had sunk him; Jimin felt his lungs filled with water, drowning in a cold sea of darkness.
Seoul, December 25th
08:30 AM
Jimin immediately opened his eyes. He felt disoriented; as if he had dived into a heavy sleep, one that felt too real. He blinked twice, trying to remember what it had happened.
Then, all the memories collided in his mind.
He looked around, searching for his lover. He wasn’t next to him in bed, and the blinds were completely opened. Panic spread along his body, had he lost Jungkook forever?
“Babe?” he called, trying to contain the tears that were stocked in his eyes. It felt like a nightmare, one that he was not able to wake no matter how much he tried.
And just when he was about to lose control, the door of his bedroom opened and a half-sleepy Jungkook appeared with a tray full of food.
“Good morning baby; are you already awake?” the younger said softly, walking to the bed and leaving the breakfast on their nightstand. Jimin was completely puzzled, throwing himself into his boyfriend’s arms, sobbing.
“Don’t you ever leave me again!” the older bawled into Jungkook’s neck. The brunet held him tight, placing a little kiss on his hair.
“I left only for five minutes,” he explained, caressing his back worried. “You were sleeping, and I planned this yesterday. Why? Did you have a bad dream?”
“It wasn’t a bad dream,” Jimin mumbled, still pressed to the younger. “It was just that you weren’t there.”
“Wow! You really love me that much;” Jungkook giggled and Jimin broke their hug, looking directly into his eyes.
“More than I ever imagined.”
The brunet nodded, kissing him. Jimin deepened it, his hands roaming around Jungkook’s body. He couldn’t believe the boy was in front of his eyes. He had missed him a lot, so much that he didn’t realize he was crying again until Jungkook broke their union.
“Hey baby, there was something I need to talk to you;” he gulped and Jimin felt his heart sink in.
“Is everything okay, Koo?”
“Yes, yes;” the younger spoke. “I just, I want to apologize. I know how much Christmas meant to you, and everything was a mess. We barely decorated the tree; the food wasn’t exactly the best and I forgot about a lot of things. I..” he stuttered, choking on his own words. “I just want you to know that I’m sorry about how our first Christmas went and that I hope we have a lifetime to make it better.”
Jimin looked at him, startled. He hugged him again tightly, throwing the brunet into the mattress, the blond on top of him, foreheads connected.
“Jungkook, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me;” Jimin stated, never breaking the gaze. “It was a mess, yeah, but it was our mess. And you can’t imagine how happy I am to be a mess next to you. So please, if you want to make my Christmas better just be with me;” he paused, connecting their lips. “Live with me, laugh with me, get older with me, do whatever you want, but let me be next to you while you’re doing it;” he said between pecks that made the younger laugh, his whole being filled with love.
“I think I can promise you that;” his boyfriend accepted, flipping their bodies so the blond was now caged between his arms. Jungkook stood for a moment looking at him, the sparkles in his eyes screaming love. “Merry Christmas, Jimin.”
The older smiled, whispering before connecting their lips again.
“Merry Christmas, my love.”