Work Text:
taehyung wouldn't call himself unhygienic. No one would. He's weird about hygiene most days, in fact. Feels the tiny bit of guck under his nails like a mass army of germs and the dirt on his boyfriend's bedsheets a source of irritation for a day. He knows first hand that stain doesn't go away. It's not dirty, but he can't shake that it is.
But some days, days like today, when his hair is greasy and the guck has gathered pointed and ugly, armpits smelly with sweat even though the tips of his fingers are cold, cold cold and he's contemplating it, has been for two days, in fact. He's even set up the towels and everything needed, but he's not going in there.
The thing about procrastinating is, once you start it, the task, no matter how small and doeable, becomes towering. Maybe it starts because the task already seems towering to you, but delaying it is definitely fuel.
And so, stepping into the bathroom and washing himself is- well. He either forgets or delays. It gets buried amidst the millions of tasks he assigns to himself each day. He doesn't even do those tasks. How come he can't make the time to wash himself briefly?He thinks there might be a smell coming from him, sharp and pungent. Is that why his lab partner wasn't meeting his eyes today?
Must be. Maybe that's why Jeongguk doesn't want to come over, says he's busy. His pillow feels dirty beneath him, so does the bed. He's dirtying it. He rolls and turns to his side, he just wants a nap before going back to work, and hopefully showering after. Maybe he should just do it right now.
The towel hangs clean and fresh on his chair, the door to the bathroom slightly ajar.
Taehyung rolls to his side and closes his eyes shut.
He wakes up to the sound of he front door and sits up in bed, and instantly wants to bury himself back in. He must look like shit. There's a pimple under his chin and he has drool on thr corner of his mouth, he's even dirtier than he was before going to sleep.
"Hey-were you asleep?"
Jeongguk holds a bag of take out in one hand and a sheepish smile on his face. He looks good. Clean.
"I-" Taehyung yawns, rubbing his eyes with the dirty sleeve of his hoody. "I was going yo wake up anyway. What's up?"
"Taking a break, wanted to see your face." Jeongguk sits himself on top of the sheets, beaming despite the subtle tiredness to his features. "How you holding up? you haven't been responding to my texts."
Taehyung rubs the side of his face, sitting up straighter. "Busy," he says and instantly feels guilty. He spent the better chunk of today contemplating showering and scrolling through Instagram, refreshing his time line over and over again with his notes strewn beneath his elbow.
"Well not anymore," says Jeongguk, taking taehyung's hand into his mindlessly, his palm is sweaty and Jeongguk's is dry and cold. Taehyung almost pulls away. "I bought food and drinks. Let's watch something."
Lets watch something, he says, and it weighs heavy on all the tasks he thought he'd do today, a lump forms in his throat that feels like guilt.
Jeongguk stares expectantly at Taehyung and Taehyung stares at the messy bedsheets, eyes looking up when a hand cups his face.
"Missed you so much today." lips press into the corner of his mouth, the one with the dried drool. "I've been wanting to kiss you all day."
Panic flares, Taehyung pushes him away and instantly misses the warmth.
Jeongguk frowns, finally noticing that something seems to be off. Taehyung pushes a greasy strand of hair out of his eyes and gulps.
"Tae," he says, eyes wide. "Is there something wrong?"
"No, I-" Taehyung covers it up with an awkward laugh. "I am just-I am dirty."
"Dirty?"
Taehyung nods. "I haven't showered in three days. Don't kiss me."
Jeongguk nods, but he still looks worried. The next question is cautious. "Have you eaten?"
"Some ramen. I'll eat properly after I shower."
He doesn't mention that this is exactly what he reasoned yesterday, and fell asleep hungry.
Jeongguk takes his hand again, brings it up to his lips to kiss his knuckles. That little furrow between his brows doesn't disappear.
"I said not to kiss me," Taehyung whines, but doesn't make an effort to take his hand away. "Let me shower first."
Jeongguk stands up, nodding. "Okay."
Taehyung frowns. "What?"
"Let's get you showered."
"What do you mean lets get me showered? you know I don't like shower sex."
Jeongguk rolls his eyes. "And you're missing out, but that's not what I meant. I mean I'll help you."
"Help me shower?"
"Yes."
"I am 23."
"I am 21."
Taehyung groans. "What the fuck. I am not a baby. I can shower on my own, you don't have to do it for me."
Jeongguk is quite for a while, he bites his lip. "But you haven't done it. You've been-" he sighs, kneels down so they're eye level. "You're not showering when you're like this."
"Like what?"
"Like skipping meals and not letting me kiss you because you think you're dirty. Let me take care of you, okay?"
Taehyung takes a heavy breath. They've known eachother for over an year. Of course Jeongguk knows shit about him. Why are his eyes stingy?
"I missed you too," he blurts. "So much. I don't want to be clingy-"
"You're not-"
"But you didn't come to see me yesterday and I cried myself to sleep cause of it."
He feels embarrassment wash over him as soon as the words are out. It wasn't even that big of a deal. It's just that he did one assignment instead of the three he had planned and his stomach was growling but he couldn't eat until he showered and then the little speech bubble said "can we reschedule?" and before he knew it, he was face down in the dirty pillow, tears everywhere.
"Baby," Jeongguk says, so gentle that Taehyung might cry again. There are cold hands on either sides of his neck and Jeongguk looks so distressed that Taehyung feels that lump of guilt perpetually lodged into his throat enlarge. "If you'd said you wanted to see me, I would've come. Why didn't you?"
"You have work. I didn't want you to feel forced to come, I am-" He's sniffing. Great.
"Taehyung," says Jeongguk, wiping away carefully at the corner of his eyes. "Sweetheart, it's not more important than you. You know that right?"
"I do but-" Taehyung says, suddenly wanting it all off, as if it would free him of all the gross embarrassment and shame that colors every feeling he's been feeling. "I started thinking too much."
Jeongguk nods, doesn't tell him to not do that like he's used to hearing, and he goes on.
"And it's stupid but I started thinking-" God, he doesn't want to do this. Doesn't want to seem like an insecure prick that doubts their relationship, doesn't want that doubt to make home in his boyfriend's head too. His lovely, caring boyfriend. His best thing. "Maybe you didn't want to see me, maybe I just looked gross and you don't want to be near me and maybe it doesn't come off me after I shower."
"Oh baby." Jeongguk's knees are on the bed and he's pulling him close, voice soft. "Come here."
"I know you're not like that," Taehyung hurries to assure, face in Jeongguk's shirt. "You're good and patient and you understand whatever the fuck comes over me, I know that. But-"
Jeongguk rocks him slightly. They're both the same height, Jeongguk being slightly bigger because of his muscular build, but he feels so small in his arms when Jeongguk's hugging him like that, as if nothing makes it past his dumb, beautiful arms he has Taehyung encaged in, and he's safe.
"But I just start spiralling." Taehyung sniffs. "And I don't want to tell you because I don't want you to start doubting our relationship or worrying. God, I hate it when you worry about me."
Jeongguk's arms tighten around him. "Hey, you're my boyfriend. You're mine to worry about."
Taehyung swats him, laughing wetly. "I love you," he says, burying himself back in Jeongguk's endless shoulders, so quiet he's not sure Jeongguk hears. "I know you love me back. Why can't I stop thinking?"
Jeongguk pulls away slightly to cup his cheek, looking soft and worried and understanding. Looking like everything. "It's okay if you can't," he tells him, punctuating it with a kiss to his forehead. "I am always gonna be here to tell you there's nothing to worry about."
There's a wet patch on the fabric of Jeongguk's shirt now. Taehyung sniffs.
"You can doubt, worry, overthink-" Jeongguk breathes. "Everyone does that at some point, you're not a-you're not a bad person for doing it. It's not your fault that you do."
"You don't-" Taehyung gulps, looking down. "You don't think I am insecure for it? for thinking you don't want to see me because I look gross?"
"You've had a bad day. Days." Jeongguk hums, patting his back. It feels so inexplicably good. "It's okay to feel like shit."
Taehyung slumps, sighs. Whines a little into Jeongguk's neck.
"And for the record, I'd want to see you no matter what you think you look like. You're not capable of looking anything less than seriously beautiful to me."
Taehyung groans. "Fucking sap."
Jeongguk laughs, laying back and pulling Taehyung on top of him. Taehyung yelps when he falls forward onto his chest. "You're smiling."
"Cause you're a fucking clown."
Jeongguk hums, smoothing his hand down Taehyung's back. "I'll take it."
He goes quiet as Taehyung lays his head on his chest, breathing in and out. Greasy hair and the pimple on his chin momentarily forgotten. "Okay."
"What?"
"Help me shower," he says, and he's had this man's dick in his mouth but the words still make him blush.
Jeongguk sits up, pulling Taehyung up with him. "Okay. We'll eat after?"
Taehyung nods. "Stay the night?"
"Of course." Jeongguk kisses his on the lips, once, twice. "You're not allowed to go near any books for the night."
"Save the ordering around for the bedroom." Taehyung scoffs, but reluctantly agrees. He can let himself have one night, even though the voice in his head tells him he's let himself have a hundred nights because he hasn't technically gotten much of anything done, but Jeongguk swings his legs down to the floor and picks him up in one fell swoop, and it leaves Taehyung's mind. For now.
Jeongguk sits him down on the toilet, washing his hair from a bucket of water by his foot. It's a little cold, but the water is pleasantly hot against his skin. The shampoo is rubbed into his hair gently. Jeongguk is so careful not to get any in his eyes that Taehyung can't help a laugh. Next comes the soap, big hands rubbing warm and soothing into the skin of his shoulders, stomach, arms and back.
When it's all washed away, Taehyung stands up. He feels a little new.
Jeongguk helps towel him dry, he's not wearing a shirt and Taehyung is naked, so it ends up taking longer than strictly necessary.
By the time he's curled against Jeongguk's side on the couch in front of the TV, a gentle hand running through the wet strands of his hair, stomach full and mind calm, he feels okay. Better than he has in days and for some reason, the knowledge makes his eyes feel stingy again.
Jeongguk changes the bedsheets without Taehyung having asked him too, puts the books away and cleans up all the stray wrappers, ignoring Taehyung when he tells him to leave it be. Now his room looks new too.
Nothing is really new though, the small stabs of guilt, for ignoring his work and for making Jeongguk do all this for him, keep hitting him unexpectedly through the night, but he feels considerably hopeful for tomorrow. Decides to take it one step at a time.
Jeongguk can't kiss everything away, and that's okay.
They sleep curled around eachother, talking and kissing in between. Taehyung has the best sleep he has had in weeks.