Chapter Text
A month after Luo Binghe’s quiet transition into living exclusively in Shen Yuan’s world, he approaches Shen Yuan with a request.
There’s a dinner more fit to be called a feast between them on the kitchen table, all of Shen Yuan’s favorites spread out in front of him. Homemade tanghulu was waiting for him when the meal was finished. Luo Binghe had been fidgety all day and slightly jumpy for the last week, glued to the old laptop every time Shen Yuan turned to find him.
Shen Yuan watched him carefully from across the table, making no move to begin eating. Luo Binghe looked down at his hands, wrung together in his lap, and then back up at Shen Yuan.
“Is it -”
“Binghe, you -”
They both cut off, and Luo Binghe’s ears went red, mostly hidden by his hair. Shen Yuan sighed, forcing the tension out of his body.
“Sorry. Go ahead, Binghe. What is it?”
Luo Binghe wet his lips, nervous, but didn’t avert his eyes again. “A-Yuan… knows I do not have any of the money of this world. But I am not lacking, and have many riches stored away in some of the qiankun pouches I took before leaving my world, and - and I can go get more, if needed.”
“Binghe, what - you know you don’t have to like, pay me rent or anything, you’re literally like a live-in chef and maid and - and you’re my friend , Binghe, what are you saying this all for?”
“Friend?” Luo Binghe echoed back, unbelievably soft, eyes wide and glassy. Shen Yuan cleared his throat, feeling his cheeks burn with an embarrassed flush.
“Well, sure, I mean, I - yes. Yeah.”
Luo Binghe took a shuddering breath, bringing a hand up to run over his face. When he met Shen Yuan’s eyes, after, he looked more steady, some of the nervous energy from before having drained out of him.
“A-Yuan has given me so much, more than I could ever hope to repay. I wish to ask for more from you, still.” Luo Binghe reached for the old laptop, sitting on one of the unused chairs around the table. He picked it up, looking up at Shen Yuan with nervous, searching eyes, and passed it to him from across the table.
When Shen Yuan opened it, he found pages upon pages of information on therapists in the area.
Shen Yuan looked back up at Luo Binghe from over the laptop, balanced precariously on the edge of the table, dishes of food pushed back slightly to make room. “Binghe would like this?”
“I cannot -” He broke off, swallowing thickly. “I cannot pay for it with the money from my world. I can only ask A-Yuan to act as a sort of middleman.”
He looked so nervous, as if Shen Yuan could ever say no to this, as if Shen Yuan could look at what was obviously hours of research and care on such a private subject and bear to tell Luo Binghe he couldn’t seek help.
“Okay,” Shen Yuan replied, throat tight. “Okay. We’ll get you set up with someone, and I’m going to find you a broker, or something, for all those jewels and precious metals and everything else. You deserve to be able to get this sort of thing for yourself without needing to depend on me.”
Luo Binghe nodded, sniffling a bit, and Shen Yuan set the laptop aside to eat dinner. He didn’t need to know anything else about - about any of this, not about what brought Luo Binghe to this point or what he needed to speak about or how much research he had done, or - none of it. This wasn’t his business, no matter how indebted Luo Binghe felt to him.
And so they ate, and talked about how they needed to get groceries, soon, and about the drama they had been watching together, and about how Jiu-ge was planning to come by tomorrow and how Luo Binghe was planning on spending that time in the park a few blocks away.
It was only a matter of time before Jiu-ge thought to look in what used to be the spare room and saw how lived in it was, before he came by with leftovers and went to put them in the fridge and saw how well stocked it was, before he got suspicious about how clean everything was. Maybe he had already noticed all the ways Luo Binghe’s life was present in the apartment, and was simply waiting for Shen Yuan to be the one to say something. Maybe he already knew, and was waiting for the guilt of keeping a secret from his brother to catch up to Shen Yuan, and for him to introduce Luo Binghe as his-
As his friend, he supposed. That’s what Shen Yuan had said himself, earlier.
Sometimes it didn’t feel very much like ‘friends’ was the right word at all, though. Sometimes they sat so close on the couch that Shen Yuan could feel the heat of Luo Binghe, and their knees would knock gently together, and sometimes he’d look away from the movie or show or game that had them glued to the television and Luo Binghe would already be looking back at him, soft and affectionate.
Sometimes they would go out together, to the mall or the farmer’s market or the movies, and it would feel like that night at the festival, when Shen Yuan wanted every moment to be like that one, when he wanted to look at Luo Binghe and touch him, feel his warmth under the palm of his hand. Most of the time they’d stay in, because it was easier, because Shen Yuan had always had so little stamina for going out, and because Luo Binghe always preferred to be where Shen Yuan was, even so.
Sometimes Shen Yuan would look at Luo Binghe, watch him when he was cooking or folding little paper creatures or attentively taking notes on something he had found online, and feel overwhelmed by how beautiful he was. He had always had the looks of a protagonist, of course Shen Yuan knew this, but… it was different, now, softened by a lack of violence and the easy flow of a mostly normal modern life, living the part of a live-in maid.
Living the part of a househusband , Shen Yuan’s mind supplied traitorously.
Luo Binghe was a demon lord - an ex -demon lord, now, he supposed - with an unrivaled harem of beauties and warriors and prodigies, human and demon alike. He had all those women, and children that he had with those women, and had never indicated that same sort of romantic favor for men.
Except he hadn’t seemed particularly in love with all those women, when Shen Yuan had been in that world.
And Luo Binghe was here, now, with Shen Yuan.
Listen, Shen Yuan was a professional at denial! He had managed to read hundreds of chapters of horrible papapa before realizing he was more interested in the descriptions of Binghe’s breasts than the irrelevant damsel’s! But…
But Luo Binghe looked at Shen Yuan and smiled, looked at him and never seemed to stop looking, as if to look away would mean to miss something important.
Looked at him in the way Shen Yuan wanted to look back.
It made it impossible not to notice the way Luo Binghe felt for him, and made it even harder to avoid thinking about what it might be like to give himself over to Luo Binghe in the face of those feelings.
Shen Yuan didn’t want to be the next in a series of people, didn’t want to be touched and loved for a night or two before being put away in a room to be kept like a doll.
He didn’t think this Luo Binghe would do that, though. Not anymore.
Every day that passed, Shen Yuan believed more strongly that he could hand himself over to Luo Binghe and Luo Binghe would only hold him gently, take care of him, and always leave him a way out for if he changed his mind. Every day that passed, Shen Yuan believed more strongly that if he were to lose Luo Binghe, if Luo Binghe were to choose to go back to his own world, Shen Yuan would be left heartbroken.
Shen Yuan took a shuddering breath, watching Luo Binghe quietly wash the dishes from dinner, the little clinks of metal and porcelain filling the comfortable silence between them.
He wanted Luo Binghe as much, much more than a friend, if Luo Binghe would have him.
That night, as Luo Binghe gently took Shen Yuan’s glasses from him to place on the bedside table, Shen Yuan reached out to wrap a hand around Luo Binghe’s wrist, tugging gently.
“A-Yuan?” The room was dark, and blurry without his glasses, but Shen Yuan could recognize the warmth in Luo Binghe’s voice even without seeing his face.
He tugged again, more insistently this time, before dropping the demon’s wrist and scooting over to the other side of the bed. Luo Binghe took a sudden breath, Shen Yuan’s intentions clicking into place for him, and went still. Shen Yuan turned over onto his other side, facing away from Luo Binghe, and allowed him to make his choice without being watched.
The room was still and quiet, and for a long, long moment, Shen Yuan thought Luo Binghe would choose to walk away.
Then the bed dipped behind him, the warmth of Luo Binghe suddenly overwhelming as he slipped under the blankets behind him, and Shen Yuan released the breath he had been holding. Shen Yuan reached a hand behind him, wiggling his fingers, and sighed with contentment when Luo Binghe quietly slipped his fingers into Shen Yuan’s to tangle together. Shen Yuan brought their hands in front of him, Luo Binghe’s arm looping around his waist in the process, and stared at the way their fingers fit together.
“It can only be me,” Shen Yuan said quietly. “If this is - if it - I could never share.”
Luo Binghe squeezes his hand. “I know.”
“And that’s alright?”
“Mm. I was wrong, before. I didn’t understand.” Luo Binghe’s voice dropped lower, barely audible, and the sheets rustled quietly as he moved closer. The lines of their bodies were nearly pressed together entirely. “I get it now, how a single person can fill the whole heart.”
Shen Yuan shuddered, his eyes falling closed, relieved. “Good,” he whispered back, and they fell asleep with their hands still tangled together.
---
In the morning, after pulling themselves out of bed to bump shoulders in the kitchen as they made breakfast, after Luo Binghe had sheepishly handed a comb over to Shen Yuan and Shen Yuan had indulgently helped Luo Binghe through his morning routine - Luo Binghe dresses in traditional robes and retrieves Xin Mo.
Shen Yuan feels his heart drop at the sight of the blade, at the sight of Luo Binghe dressed as an emperor once more and holding his ticket back to the world of PIDW. It made him want to - to pull Luo Binghe’s cheeks, or step on his foot, or take Xin Mo and snap it in two. How dare this Luo Binghe intend to go back to the world he came from, the very morning after Shen Yuan had invited him into his bed! How dare he, when Shen Yuan had just begun to realize how much he wanted Luo Binghe to stay by his side and never leave!
He doesn’t do any of that, though, just stands there and stares at Luo Binghe and waits for him to speak. Waits for him to - to explain himself, and why he was leaving, when his fingers were still stained pink from the strawberries he had cut for Shen Yuan’s breakfast, when Shen Yuan was still aching for Luo Binghe to hold him again like he had last night.
“I need to go back to my old world for a time,” Luo Binghe says eventually, quiet and subdued as he looks at Xin Mo’s blade in the light of the kitchen. “A-Yuan is giving me a chance to stay by his side, but I can’t take it until I don’t have any loose ends anywhere.”
Shen Yuan takes a moment to process the words, and then all at once the tension leaves his body. How could he possibly stay mad at Luo Binghe for his poor dine-and-dash type manners, when he was talking about standing by Shen Yuan’s side as if it was such a great honor?
“How long will you be gone?” He asks, even though what he really wants to say is, ‘ when will you come back to me?’
“I’d like to be back for A-Yuan’s dinner.” Luo Binghe glances up from his sword to meet Shen Yuan’s eyes, a playfulness in his expression that meant nothing good. “A-Yuan won’t eat properly, otherwise.”
Shen Yuan huffs, turning his head away to hide the flush in his cheeks. Luo Binghe laughs, lightly, and some of the heavy atmosphere around them lifted.
“Alright, whatever, back by dinner, then.” Shen Yuan pauses, his brows furrowing as he does the math for what that means in the timescale of PIDW. “That’s like - a week? Over there?” He swallows back a wave of embarrassment at his own words, at how shamelessly it sounded like he was poking into Luo Binghe’s business. Luo Binghe could go back to his own world without explaining himself! He didn’t have to say anything to Shen Yuan about it!
...Still, he wanted to know, wanted to be included in Luo Binghe’s life, even if it was only in the way of being told what was going on.
Luo Binghe, luckily, seemed not to mind. “Mm. I must ensure that the women I left behind are all still safe, wherever they have ended up settling, and I want to make sure the children know they can still call on me with their blood if they ever need me. And -” He broke off, looking down at the ground. “And I want to say goodbye properly, to those I was close to. I never really did.”
Shen Yuan swallowed thickly, his throat suddenly tight. Luo Binghe’s presence in his life had grown incredibly large, a force of affection and companionship - and yet, even with all that Luo Binghe meant to him, he still had his Jiu-ge and his Qi-ge and a handful of distant friends from online, people outside of Luo Binghe who helped make his life feel full. Luo Binghe… really didn’t have anyone else besides Shen Yuan in this world. To think of Luo Binghe saying a proper goodbye to the only other people who he was close to -
He didn’t like it. Luo Binghe deserved to be surrounded by people who cared about him, deserved to know he was cared for. He certainly didn’t deserve having to give up his friends just to be with Shen Yuan.
“Why say goodbye, when you can always go back and see them? When you should go back and see them, when you care for them?”
“Did A-Yuan not bid his farewells to his brother, when he moved out into this apartment and out of Shen Jiu’s, no matter the fact that he knew he’d see his brother again?”
Shen Yuan blinked. He had, indeed, had a very weepy goodbye scene with his brother, even knowing he would be living only a few blocks away, even knowing that moving out to have some independence and to let his Jiu-ge and Qi-ge live together without him would be for the best.
Luo Binghe hummed, drawing Shen Yuan’s attention back to him. “Now A-Yuan understands. It is not a permanent goodbye, but it is one that I should have shared with them a long time ago. I never did, because I was too reluctant to leave A-Yuan’s side.” He paused, eyes a bit sad. “I was so worried I wouldn’t have a place to return to, if I left. But A-Yuan offered me a place by his side in a very real way, last night, so it doesn’t feel so scary to leave him anymore, just for a bit.” Shen Yuan’s breath caught, and he felt reluctant to even blink, to miss a single moment of the way Luo Binghe was looking at him, so affectionate and warm.
“Oh,” he breathed out, unsure of what else to say, unsure if he could say anything else.
“Mm. I want to spend time with them properly, as equals, in a way I haven’t in - in a long time. It feels like the only right way to say goodbye, to establish the way I’d like for my future visits to go, also.” Luo Binghe paused, wetting his lips. “So I will try to be home for A-Yuan’s dinner, but I… if I’m late, A-Yuan has to promise to still feed himself well, okay?”
‘I’ll try to be home,’ Luo Binghe had said. Luo Binghe thought of this place as home , this place by Shen Yuan’s side, this place so far away from the life Luo Binghe grew up with. Shen Yuan felt very suddenly overwhelmed, and for a moment he was sure he was about to do something horribly embarrassing like tear up a bit. In the end, though, he only chewed at his lip and took a shuddering breath in, and tried to remember that throwing himself at Luo Binghe for a hug was probably not the smartest idea while Luo Binghe was holding a still-unsheathed legendary sword.
“Okay,” he said eventually, “I promise, so take your time with your friends, and your kids, and whatever else you want to do over there. I’ll still be waiting for you when you come back.”
Luo Binghe made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, high-pitched and needy, and very quickly set Xin Mo aside to encompass Shen Yuan in a tight embrace. “Now how am I supposed to go, knowing that A-Yuan will be waiting for me?” His voice was breathless, only audible because of how close they were, and Shen Yuan melted into the hug quickly. He had wanted one himself, after all.
“Don’t be silly,” Shen Yuan grumbled, even as he brought his hands up to return the hug, one hand clutching at the fabric of Luo Binghe’s robe and the other tangling in his hair. Luo Binghe had hunched down considerably to be able to tuck his head in the crook of Shen Yuan’s neck. “I said I’d be waiting as encouragement for you to go take care of what you need to, not to convince you to stay.”
“But A-Yuan -”
Shen Yuan forced himself to pull away from the hug, slapping weakly at Luo Binghe’s chest to push him away. “Go! Go see your friends, and bring me back news of how A-Yu is doing, okay?”
Reluctantly, Luo Binghe pulled away, though his expression remained twisted as if he was doing something truly painful. “If A-Yuan insists…”
“I do!”
Luo Binghe sighed, dramatic and morose, and Shen Yuan snorted. This silly demon of his, ah …
It took a bit more convincing, but eventually Luo Binghe picked Xin Mo up once more and made his way back to the world of PIDW, leaving Shen Yuan alone in the apartment. He stood there, staring at the space where Luo Binghe disappeared from, for a long, long time before he shook himself from his own head to begin his day.
It was… odd, he supposed, listening to the quiet of his single life when he was used to sharing his space with another. It hadn’t taken him much time at all to get used to Luo Binghe’s presence in his life, the movement and noise and heat of him slotting so well into Shen Yuan’s life that it seemed as if he’d been there forever. Now, without him, the apartment felt too cold and quiet, as if Shen Yuan had somehow gotten lost in a place he knew by heart.
He shook himself from the thoughts, scolding himself. Luo Binghe would be gone a day at most - he had spent far longer than that on his own in the past. There was no reason to feel so out of place in his own home.
Still, he turned on the television and bumped up the volume, just to have some background noise as he wasted time on his computer.
As time passes, though, the feeling grows into a restlessness, and around lunch he video calls his Jiu-ge in an attempt to settle himself. It works, for a time, as he lets his Jiu-ge scold him about the hodge-podge nature of his meal and the way he’s parading around his apartment without any socks on, inviting a cold. Qi-ge hops on the call, too, smiling softly at Shen Yuan from over Jiu-ge’s shoulder. But as Shen Yuan talks with them, he finds himself a bit lost for the way that everything noteworthy, everything that feels worth telling his Jiu-ge and Qi-ge - all of it has Luo Binghe at the center of it.
He’s never cared for anyone like this before, not so dearly enough that they become so interwoven with his own life, and he doesn’t know what to do in Luo Binghe’s absence in the face of it.
He does his best to shake the weight of that feeling off, focusing on his brother’s story of how terribly a work meeting had gone while Qi-ge gently corrects the details of the retelling to be less harsh. He focuses on the sound of his brother’s voice, on the taste of the food he was eating (not nearly as nice as the things Luo Binghe would make him). He focuses on everything that makes this moment in the present good , even if Luo Binghe wasn’t by his side.
Still, though, everything feels a bit off, as if he’s watching a video of his life through his own eyes, but the audio is just a split second off.
It makes him unbearably irritable.
It gets worse as the day goes on, as the minutes creep by and it gets closer and closer to dinner time without any sign of Luo Binghe reappearing. He feels terribly bitter, as he eventually gives in and begins preparing a bland meal on his own, as if he’s been cheated out of something. That feeling gives rise to its own set of conflicting emotions, though - what right does he have to put that sort of claim on Luo Binghe, to say where Luo Binghe should and should not be? Luo Binghe was taking his time visiting his friends and - his family , really. Of course that was a good thing - great, even!
Even though it was past dinner with no signs of Luo Binghe returning, even though Shen Yuan went through his evening routine and got into bed at a snail's pace out of hopes that Luo Binghe would come back in the time he was stalling - it was good that Luo Binghe was seeing the people he was close to. It was good that he felt comfortable enough to do so, and to know that he’d still have a home with Shen Yuan when he came back.
It just stung, a bit, to fall asleep without him, when last night Shen Yuan had gone to bed wrapped in his arms.
He muffles a curse into his pillow, scolding Luo Binghe for turning him into such a soft hearted, sticky thing, and drops off into sleep feeling too cold for all the blankets he was wrapped in.
He sleeps restlessly, and is easily stirred awake some hours later as the bed shifts under the weight of another person. Even through the haze of sleep, he has enough awareness to register who was sneaking into bed in the middle of the night.
He turns onto his side, facing away from Luo Binghe, and shuts his eyes tight. His stomach was so twisted with conflicting emotions - relief that Luo Binghe had returned, indignation that it had taken so much longer than Luo Binghe had promised, irritation from being woke up in the middle of the night, damn it - and turning to hide was all he could think to do about it.
“A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe called softly, barely a whisper and yet still so warm and affectionate. “A-Yuan, I’ve missed you.”
Shen Yuan sniffed, saying nothing. If he spoke now, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to avoid saying something embarrassing like ‘what took you so long?’ or ‘I missed you too,’ and like hell he was letting Luo Binghe hear something like that from him when Shen Yuan still wasn’t sure if he wanted to be irritated with Luo Binghe or just happy to have him back.
“A-Yuan?” Luo Binghe reached out to rest a hand gently on Shen Yuan’s shoulder, the heat of it obvious through the shirt Shen Yuan had worn to bed. “Is something wrong?”
“Is there?” Shen Yuan mumbled back, humiliated for how moody he sounded. “Binghe was gone for quite awhile past when he promised to return - he must have been having fun, why would there be something wrong?”
Behind him, Luo Binghe relaxed, the tension easing out of him. The hand on Shen Yuan’s shoulder trailed down to his waist, squeezing, and when Luo Binghe next spoke his words were colored with amusement.
“A-Yuan missed me too, then.” Luo Binghe shifted closer, tucking himself so close that Shen Yuan could feel his breath on the back of his neck. “Even though, for this world, I was only gone a day, A-Yuan still missed me.”
“Who missed you?” Shen Yuan shot back, even as he leaned back, slightly, into Luo Binghe’s warmth. “Like you said, it was only a day.”
“Mm. It was much longer for me, though,” Luo Binghe murmured, rubbing his nose into Shen Yuan’s neck. Shen Yuan swallowed thickly. “A-Yuan, I’m home, now. I’m sorry I’m late.”
Shen Yuan stifled a whine high in his throat and gave in to the urge to roll around to face Luo Binghe. He could be irritated later, in the morning. For now, he just wanted to be held.
Luo Binghe shifted to hold Shen Yuan properly, and Shen Yuan brought his hands up to grasp at the front of Luo Binghe’s robes. They were traditional inner robes, Luo Binghe having only dressed down before sneaking into Shen Yuan’s bed and not bothering with changing into anything modern, and the silk of them pressed cool against Shen Yuan’s legs.
“I’m glad you got to visit with everyone,” Shen Yuan began, mumbling the words into Luo Binghe’s chest. It was a very good chest. He had absolutely missed this chest. “But next time, I want you to go dig through whatever treasures that are lying around in that palace and find something that will let us communicate across the worlds.” Luo Binghe’s hands were rubbing gently at Shen Yuan’s back, comforting, and Shen Yuan couldn’t help but add, “It was too quiet, without you.”
“Alright, A-Yuan. We can do that.” Luo Binghe’s voice was just as quiet, his tone bleeding with warmth and affection and indulgence. Shen Yuan let out a shuddering sigh, and even though his face was hot with the embarrassment of being so sticky, he couldn’t bring himself to move away.
“Was everyone doing well? Ning Yingying and Liu Mingyan and everyone else I never got to meet.” Luo Binghe hummed, affirmative, and Shen Yuan relaxed, just a bit. “Good. Did you see the kids much? A-Yu?”
“Some of them. Not all of them wished to be around me, without you there to make them feel better about it. I did see Liu Siyu - he threw a knife at me, for taking his Yuan-ge away.” Shen Yuan laughed, startled at the imagery, feeling a bit nostalgic for the time he had spent with the boy.
He wished he could see him, pat his hair and play with him again, but he still felt so off-balance at the thought of leaving this world.
Luo Binghe ran his hand up the side of his waist, reassuring. “I’ll still be going back to visit that world occasionally, to see my friends and the children I have a responsibility to, despite how I’ve neglected that task. If A-Yuan ever feels comfortable going back to that world and he wishes to visit Liu Siyu and the others, he can of course come with me.”
“Someday, I think,” Shen Yuan replied, sighing wistfully. “Someday, I’d like to see your world again. I wish I could see A-Yu and the others sooner than that, but...”
Luo Binghe hummed, and the way Shen Yuan could feel it rumble through him was more comforting than anything else, right then. “Alright, A-Yuan. Someday, then.”
There was a moment of silence between them, spent simply looking at each other, breathing the other’s air, enjoying the heat of closeness.
Eventually, Shen Yuan spoke up, whispering, “Welcome home, Binghe,” and Luo Binghe held him close and tight.
---
The next day, after breakfast was cleaned up and the two of them were getting ready to settle in for a marathon of bad television, Luo Binghe clears his throat and looks at Shen Yuan with poorly concealed pride, as if he has just solved a particularly difficult problem and was about to show Shen Yuan the solution.
“A-Yuan,” he began, “I’d like to bring you a surprise.”
Historically, Luo Binghe’s surprises had not been great. Shen Yuan squinted at him.
“A-Yuan will like this one!” Shen Yuan squinted harder, and Luo Binghe laughed. “I know A-Yuan much better, now. I can promise this surprise will be good.”
“Hm. I suppose you do,” Shen Yuan replied, voice a bit softer than he meant it as he was suddenly overwhelmed with just how close he had become to Luo Binghe. He sighed, and waved his hand at Luo Binghe carelessly. “Alright, alright. It better be good, though, or you’re back to sleeping in your own room tonight!”
Luo Binghe grinned, wide and happy and delighted. “Of course, A-Yuan.”
Then, he went to his room to fetch Xin Mo, cut a portal in the middle of the living room in front of Shen Yuan, and stepped through it.
“Binghe?!” Shen Yuan shot up from his spot on the couch, suddenly very nervous. The tear through reality stayed open, simmering with energy and heat. “Binghe, this doesn’t seem like a very good surprise, you -”
And then Luo Binghe stumbled back out the portal, off balance and looking as if he’d been in a fight with a particularly nasty enemy.
On his back, Liu Siyu was clinging to him and pulling at his hair as if Luo Binghe were a disobedient mount.
“What took you so long!” The boy was yelling, slightly muffled from the way he kept biting Luo Binghe, “A-Yu was promised he could see Yuan-ge soon, but it’s been -” Liu Siyu broke off, eyes meeting Shen Yuan’s and going wide. Then, after a moment of stunned silence, he launched himself off of Luo Binghe towards Shen Yuan. “ Yuan-ge!”
Shen Yuan stumbled backwards at the impact, arms coming up to wrap around Liu Siyu, who was clinging onto him so tight Shen Yuan could have sworn he heard his ribs creak. He was taller, now, the quiet couple months that had passed in this world having been much longer for a growing boy in the world of PIDW. Luo Binghe, who had staggered a bit from being used as a springboard, righted himself with a grumble and shot a glare at the boy in Shen Yuan’s arms.
“Yuan-ge, it’s been so long, A-Yu was so worried for you, and Stinky Old Man Luo wouldn’t let me come see you, and he kept you all to himself and it wasn’t fair at all, and I missed you , Yuan-ge!”
Shen Yuan felt his expression go soft, looking down at this sweet bun who had tears in his eyes and looked much too innocent to have been the cause of Luo Binghe’s general state of disarray. “Oh, A-Yu, Yuan-ge missed you too!” He squeezed Liu Siyu tighter, leaning down to rub his head against the boy’s, and Liu Siyu giggled, delighted.
Shen Yuan pulled away after a moment, looking carefully at the boy to catalog all the ways in which he’d grown since Shen Yuan had seen him last, and let out a shuddering sigh of relief. It was good to be able to see A-Yu, and even better that he didn’t have to go back to the world of PIDW to do so.
“This one’s a good surprise,” he mumbled, mostly to himself, eyes still on Liu Siyu, who preened under the attention. Shen Yuan smiled, helplessly fond, and brought a hand up to run through the boy’s hair.
“I told A-Yuan he’d like it,” Luo Binghe said, sounding smug and pleased with himself, and Shen Yuan snorted.
Then, all at once, Shen Yuan remembered that Liu Siyu was absolutely not a part of this world, and that his mother would be worried sick for him, and his head snapped up to meet Luo Binghe’s eyes, panicked and -
Ah. Liu Mingyan stood behind Luo Binghe, right near where the portal had closed, looking around the apartment curiously. Shen Yuan let out a breath of relief.
“Thank you for letting Binghe take A-Yu on a bit of a field trip, Liu Mingyan.” Liu Mingyan turned to meet his eyes, regarding Shen Yuan with the same quiet affection he had seen her look at her own son with, and Shen Yuan felt himself flush a bit under her attention.
“Of course. A-Yu was quite insistent that he could come see his Yuan-ge, it’s good that he was able to come for a visit.” She paused, looking at Luo Binghe with narrowed eyes. “A short visit. Not all of us are retired from all our responsibilities.” Luo Binghe glanced away, the tips of his ears going pink, and Shen Yuan laughed.
“A short visit, then! Let’s go get ice cream from the place down the street, and A-Yu can tell me all about what he’s been doing since I left!”
Liu Siyu cheered, expression bright, and very quickly began talking a mile a minute, bouncing between describing his own adventures with great detail and asking curiously about Shen Yuan’s clothes and his apartment and his world. Liu Mingyan watched them both indulgently, and Luo Binghe quietly led the way out of the apartment and towards the ice cream stand that was always set up near the complex, mumbling a warning to Liu Mingyan about the people who would undoubtedly come ask for a photo of her ‘cosplay’.
It was so good to listen to Liu Siyu babble about his classes and his siblings and his mother, so good to walk with the boy’s hand held tightly in his own, so good to see the way Liu Siyu’s eyes lit up when he was handed the ice cream cone at the end of the walk.
It felt like something had slotted itself into place, a missing piece that finally clicked, and Shen Yuan felt so full of love he could burst.
When Liu Mingyan eventually gently nudged Liu Siyu back in the direction of the apartment they had come from and where Xin Mo had been left behind at, reminding them all that they had to get back before the full day had passed in their own world, Shen Yuan felt fine letting them go. They could always come back, next week or next month or every day in between - any of the children and their mothers could visit, even if Shen Yuan never quite felt comfortable enough to go back to that other world. He’d see them again.
After all, they’d be inlaws, eventually, or however that worked. Family, for sure.
---
It was winter, now, which meant it was the time of year that Shen Yuan’s health was at its lowest. He took additional medicine and supplements beginning in fall, stayed inside best he could, but -
It was always the worst, in winter.
Shen Yuan was expecting this year to be especially bad, after a shaky past few months consisting of his yogurt-induced trip to the ER and a second hospital visit following a lapse in medicine and a dramatic increase in stress, and he waited with baited breath for the sudden decline in his health to come. As the days got colder and shorter, Shen Yuan’s mild coughing fits began to increase, his stamina dipping as all he wanted to do was to lay wrapped up in the warmth of his bed and sleep, but… it never actually got as bad as he was expecting. A long-term cold, unpleasant but not deadly, rather than pneumonia or fevers like he was expecting.
He was relieved, even though he napped more frequently and the winter air irritated his throat and lungs, pleased that the good food and careful attention he’d been receiving from Luo Binghe seemed like it might be enough to prevent him from getting truly sick this year. Maybe his body was giving him a break, since he’d already had a trip to the hospital earlier, fevered and delirious and barely believing he had been taken home to his world. Whatever the reason, he was grateful.
Luo Binghe, however, was not pleased.
“I don’t understand,” he growled out one day, twitchy with irritation as he glared at the bookshelf he was dusting, Shen Yuan bundled up on the couch in two different blankets. It was unlikely that the shelves were dusty at all, let alone dusty enough to bother his allergies, but it seemed to put Luo Binghe at ease, somewhat, to be able to do something, so Shen Yuan just watched him silently. “A-Yuan has all the medicine he needs, now. Why is it getting worse ?”
Shen Yuan hummed, lazy and already tired even though it was barely past mid-afternoon. “It’s just how things are, for me. Winters are bad. I’m lucky if I don’t catch pneumonia any given year, honestly.”
“Can’t your doctors here fix this ?!” Luo Binghe whirled to look at Shen Yuan, expression twisted with irritation and helplessness. Shen Yuan sighed, exasperated and secretly pleased at how upset Luo Binghe was for Shen Yuan’s own health, and gestured for Luo Binghe to come over to the couch, which the demon obediently sat down on. Shen Yuan leaned into him, comforted by his presence and warmth, and smiled, content, at how quickly Luo Binghe relaxed against him.
“Binghe, I was told when I was eight that I likely wouldn’t live to see adulthood.”
“ What?! But that’s -”
“Oh hush, do I look dead to you right now?” Shen Yuan twisted his head to look up at Luo Binghe, keeping their bodies pressed flush together. It was a bit awkward, with all the blankets Shen Yuan was swathed in, but he couldn’t help but like it anyway. “Winters are bad for me, but I’m alive. I’ll be a bit sleepy and irritable for a bit, but I’ll probably be fine. I’m already doing much better than I usually am.”
“I didn’t miss the ‘probably be fine,’ A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe grumbled, and Shen Yuan laughed. “You’ll tell me if there’s anything I can do to help?”
“Mm. Binghe already helps plenty, really. I haven’t been this well fed or lived in a place this clean since I moved out.”
Luo Binghe preened, a pleased hum rumbling through him in a way that Shen Yuan could feel from where he was pressed so close to his chest, and Shen Yuan allowed himself to be lulled into a state of half-sleep as they sat side by side.
It felt like every day was full of warmth and happiness, Luo Binghe’s careful attention insulating Shen Yuan from the loneliness that often seeped into his bones along with the cold. His Jiu-ge usually caught onto it, spending more time with him under the guise of cooking for him or bringing him leftovers or bringing Qi-ge by, chasing the cold and loneliness away for some time. And now, though he still craved the aggressive love and care his brother gave him, the constant gentle affection Luo Binghe swathed him in was addicting.
And Luo Binghe did nothing to discourage Shen Yuan’s craving for his affection, either, each day smothering Shen Yuan in more and more care and attention. The following day he barely even let Shen Yuan out of bed after he woke up coughing. Instead, he carried Shen Yuan’s breakfast into the bedroom for him and swaddled him with more blankets as if it might magic away the cough that sat with him. Shen Yuan indulged him, playing games on his phone in bed while Luo Binghe sat by the side of the bed and folded paper stars.
He was happy to sit around and be cosseted, if it made Luo Binghe feel better about the shitty health situation he found himself in every winter.
Around midday, Shen Yuan looked up from his game - he was having terrible luck on his pulls today, damn it - to watch Luo Binghe as he folded star after star after star. “Jiu-ge will be coming by in a bit,” he said eventually, and watched as Luo Binghe stiffened and glared down at the half-folded paper star in his hands. His confliction was obvious on his face, obvious in the way his whole body leaned just slightly towards Shen Yuan, not wishing to leave his side. Shen Yuan sighed. “You… should stay, this time.”
Luo Binghe looked up at him. “A-Yuan, that’s - I don’t wish to make things uncomfortable. I know your brother doesn’t like me, I don’t want…”
“He should like you, though.” Shen Yuan set aside his phone, taking the blankets into his hands to twist anxiously instead. “I like you, and I like my brother, and I want you guys to - to be able to get along, at least. And I want Jiu-ge to know that you take care of me, so he doesn’t have to worry so much when he’s gone.”
“If I were him, I’d worry anyway,” Luo Binghe grumbled, and Shen Yuan smiled, exasperated and affectionate.
“He probably will. But he can at least know that I’m eating well, and won’t be resorting to greasy takeout on an already delicate stomach.” Shen Yuan paused, glancing down at his hands, twisting and pulling at the blankets. “It’s alright if you don’t want to be here. Jiu-ge can be… a lot, when he doesn’t like someone. I just wanted you to know that… if you’re only leaving for my sake, because you think it’ll make things awkward or tense or whatever if you’re here - if you’re only leaving because of that, I’d like for you to stay.”
Luo Binghe exhaled long and slow, looking back down at the strip of paper he had been folding. After a moment he resumed folding, careful, precise creases made with gentle fingers and blunt nails. “Okay,” he said, quiet and resolute, “I’ll stay.”
Shen Yuan watches him carefully for a moment, but his fingers are steady and his folds are sure and there’s no hesitance in his expression, so eventually Shen Yuan picks his game back up and resumes playing.
Jiu-ge arrives soon after, calling from the front door for Shen Yuan to stay put and not get up - a habit from when Shen Yuan was younger, when he would try to greet his brother at the door even when he was seriously ill. Luo Binghe meets Shen Yuan’s eyes, resolute, and begins carefully picking up the pile of paper stars he had built up, storing them away in the large glass jar kept on the nightstand.
There were glass jars of stars everywhere, now, spilling out from Luo Binghe’s (old? were they sharing a room, now?) room into the rest of the apartment. Jiu-ge had noticed them already, eyeing the glass jars of colorful paper on top of the kitchen counters and the living room bookshelves with suspicion, but he hadn’t said anything about them, just yet.
Perhaps Shen Yuan was foolish, to tell himself that Jiu-ge didn’t already know that Luo Binghe was living with him.
Jiu-ge enters the room just as Luo Binghe finishes putting away the paper stars, flicks his eyes towards the demon, and clicks his tongue. “Are you going to introduce us properly this time, Yuan-er?” He asks, and Shen Yuan grimaces. That was confirmation for the ‘Jiu-ge already knew’ theory.
“Sorry, Jiu-ge,” he mumbled, and his brother rolled his eyes, setting down his bag and taking a thermos out of it. “Ah! You brought your soup!”
“We had leftovers. Better give it to you than let it be thrown out.” Shen Yuan grinned, making grabby hands at the thermos and happily curling his fingers around its warmth when his brother handed it to him. ‘Leftovers,’ his brother said, as if he was fooling anyone.
“Mm. Thank you, Jiu-ge.” His brother huffed, settling in to sit on the edge of the bed opposite from where Luo Binghe had pulled up a chair to sit on the other side of the bed. Shen Yuan glanced between the two of them, both carefully observing the other, and sighed. “Alright, then. Jiu-ge, this is Luo Binghe. It’s his real name, I promise, I’ve checked. Binghe has been my… roommate, now, for a while. He cooks and cleans and please be nice to him .”
“Luo Binghe the roommate,” his brother bites out, glaring at Luo Binghe from across the bed. “Yuan-er, you have terrible taste in men.” Shen Yuan flushed bright red, sputtering and glancing toward Luo Binghe in a panic only to find a similar redness high on the demon’s cheeks.
Abruptly, Luo Binghe stood up, mumbling out something about getting Shen Yuan a spoon to eat with. Shen Yuan tried to call after him that it was fine, he could get up and eat in the kitchen, really Binghe, get back here - but Jiu-ge just pushed him down firmly so he’d stay in bed, and Shen Yuan resigned himself to being fussed over and spoiled.
The soup was wonderful and comforting, when Luo Binghe returned with a spoon and several napkins, settling him even as he listened to his brother make pointed comments in Luo Binghe’s direction. Luo Binghe, for his part, handled Jiu-ge even better than he had the first time they met, brave enough even to ask for the recipe to the soup since Shen Yuan liked it so much. Jiu-ge had fumed at that, insulted that this roleplayer might get his hands on a ‘family recipe,’ but gave in before Shen Yuan could reveal that it was just the recipe that turned up first when searching for ‘chicken noodle soup’ on Baidu.
Shen Yuan had a feeling Jiu-ge mostly gave in for the excuse to grab Luo Binghe’s phone number, which was sure to receive near daily messages from his brother from now on questioning after Shen Yuan’s health in a way that Shen Yuan himself would rarely answer.
On second thought, perhaps encouraging good relations between Luo Binghe and his brother was a bad idea. Shen Yuan might just end up smothered with love and spoiled to death.
When the soup had been eaten and Jiu-ge was satisfied with how low Shen Yuan’s temperature was and how little he had coughed during his brother’s visit, Jiu-ge gestured for Luo Binghe to see him out of the apartment. Luo Binghe shot an unreadable look towards Shen Yuan but complied, and Shen Yuan listened through the apartment drywall as his Jiu-ge and Luo Binghe had a hushed conversation by the door. Threats from his Jiu-ge, probably. Placating from Luo Binghe.
He smiled, amused. Luo Binghe, demon lord extraordinaire, had chosen this life in modern Beijing with a sickly, sleepy mortal nerd, and liked it enough to try to get along with the sickly mortal’s spiteful older brother.
The voices stopped, for a moment, and then Jiu-ge spoke again, louder this time so Shen Yuan could hear it, though only barely. “I still don’t like you,” he said, and Shen Yuan rolled his eyes, “but you take care of him well. Don’t make me regret this.”
“I won’t,” Luo Binghe promised, and then the door was opening and closing with finality as his brother left, probably with a scowl.
Shen Yuan felt himself flushing again, looking down at his hands. He remembered his offhanded thought from when Liu Siyu had visited, the one about inlaws.
Shen Yuan had a sudden image of Luo Binghe calling Jiu-ge ‘Brother in Law’ and shook his head wildly to dismiss the thought. If Luo Binghe ever called Jiu-ge that, Jiu-ge might throw up on the spot.
Luo Binghe poked his head back in the room to tell Shen Yuan that the drama they’d been watching together would be airing soon, and Shen Yuan shuffled himself out of bed to migrate to the couch, taking the blankets with him. He settled in next to Luo Binghe, curled up against his warmth, and let his mind empty out as he fell into the familiar sounds of exaggerated acting and mediocre music.
He was comfortable, and lucky, and not very sick at all even though it was a winter following a year that had been stressful on his health.
He hadn’t expected that.
He was always expecting the worst, always bracing himself for another trip to the hospital, always telling himself the same thing he told Luo Binghe when winter first set in: No one thought I’d live this long. I’m lucky. Winters are bad, but I’m alive, so I’m lucky.
Jiu-ge and Qi-ge always worried, always fussed and hovered and waited for things to get bad. Year-round, really, but they were always most scared for him in the winter. Luo Binghe, now, too, had joined the ranks of people who worried for him.
He snuck a hand out from his mass of blankets, placing it palm-up on Luo Binghe’s leg. Luo Binghe made a pleased noise, immediately taking the chance to tangle their fingers together, and Shen Yuan found himself unable to look away from where their hands were interlocked, resting on Luo Binghe’s thigh.
He always told himself he was lucky, but it was exhausting to be so sick, exhausting to always expect the worst. He didn’t want the people he cared about to worry for him so much, but he didn’t have anything to offer him except those same words - It’s okay, I’m lucky, I wasn’t supposed to live this long anyway .
He let his thumb trace gently over Luo Binghe’s hand. Luo Binghe, who cared for him and worried for him and loved him , and whom Shen Yuan had learned to trust more than nearly anyone.
Luo Binghe, who had a cure.
That night after dinner, as Luo Binghe was wiping down the kitchen counters and table, Shen Yuan cleared his throat. Luo Binghe turned to look at him, and Shen Yuan met his eyes carefully.
“Binghe,” he said, voice warm and trusting and so very full of love, “Is the offer to cure me with your blood still on the table?”
Luo Binghe dropped his cleaning rag, face falling slack for a moment before his eyes grew wide and panicked. He was at Shen Yuan’s side at an instant, on his knees by Shen Yuan’s chair with such genuine distress that it made Shen Yuan’s heart ache.
“A-Yuan, whatever is hurting you, we can find a way to fix it, whatever went wrong, I - I’ve done some research on a few talented foreign doctors, maybe one of them can help -”
“Binghe,” Shen Yuan called, cutting him off. He placed a gentle hand in Luo Binghe’s hair, and it was a testament to how truly panicked Luo Binghe was that he didn’t instantly melt into the touch. “I’m alright. Nothing has magically gotten worse all of a sudden. There’s nothing to be so alarmed about.”
“A-Yuan asked for my blood parasites , how could I not think something must be wrong?!”
Shen Yuan sighed, scratching gently at Luo Binghe’s scalp, reassuring. “I hate seeing you worry. I hate seeing Jiu-ge and Qi-ge worry, too. I hate being so delicate that I can’t go out with you more, so delicate that you have to be so careful in what you cook for me, so delicate that every winter is bad for me no matter how hard I try to stay healthy.” He paused, swallowing thickly. “I hate being sick. I’m tired of it. Binghe has a way to cure me.”
Luo Binghe’s expression twisted, breath shuddering. This crybaby of his, ah , what would Shen Yuan do with him?
“I can’t,” Luo Binghe breathed out in a rush, eyes screwed shut and hands curled into tight fists. “I won’t - I can’t have that sort of power over you. I could - I could do so many terrible things to A-Yuan, just from -”
“You won’t.” Shen Yuan dropped down from his chair to sit on the ground in front of Luo Binghe, practically in his lap with how close he pressed to him. “You won’t , Binghe, I know you never would.”
“ How?! How could A-Yuan possibly know, when I’ve done so many - so many terrible things, used my blood for so many -” Luo Binghe cut himself off, voice cracking, and Shen Yuan really did climb into his lap then to wrap him in an embrace, comforting.
“I know because I trust you, Binghe.” Luo Binghe choked on a sob, body shuddering, and Shen Yuan held him tighter, closer. “I trust you,” he whispered, and Luo Binghe cried, wet and messy and loud.
---
Later, when Luo Binghe had calmed down, Shen Yuan made it clear to him that he didn’t have to give Shen Yuan any of his blood if it made him so truly uncomfortable. Luo Binghe had shaken his head, eyes still watery, and made his position clear: he wanted Shen Yuan to be healthy and happy more than anything. If Shen Yuan trusted him with this - I do, Binghe, I trust you, I trust you - he would do it, and be happier for it, to see Shen Yuan healthy.
They work out a plan, starting with just the smallest of amounts of Luo Binghe’s blood and seeing what he can heal with it. Luo Binghe mixes it into congee, watches Shen Yuan eat it willingly with wide, disbelieving eyes, and guides Shen Yuan to lay down on top of him on the couch, head on his chest. Luo Binghe places a hand on his back, carefully tracing patterns that must have matched blood vessels through Shen Yuan’s body as he assesses what can and can’t be done. It feels odd, being hyper aware of the movement of his own blood. The gentle touch of Luo Binghe’s hand is soothing, though, and like this Shen Yuan can feel Luo Binghe’s chest expand and contract with each breath and hear his heart, quick and nervous, and he feels so at peace he nearly falls asleep during the process.
“A-Yuan will need to take a bit more of my blood,” Luo Binghe says eventually, his hand still idly tracing patterns across Shen Yuan’s back. “And we’ll have to do this frequently, while everything heals. A-Yuan has been sick for a long time.”
“Mm. That’s okay.” He tilts his head up, barely able to meet Luo Binghe’s eyes from this position. He wants Luo Binghe to talk more, to feel the rumble of his voice with his whole body. “What does it feel like, to do this?”
“Like A-Yuan’s heart is in my hands,” Luo Binghe says, and Shen Yuan snorts, slapping weakly at Luo Binghe’s shoulder. Luo Binghe laughs, and it jostles Shen Yuan, the laugh reverberating through his body and making him grin.
He loves Luo Binghe so, so much.
Shen Yuan pushes himself up, maneuvering himself to hover over Luo Binghe, looking down at him with a grin. Luo Binghe’s hands slide away from where they had been drawing patterns on his back as he moves, and Shen Yuan catches one of them, bringing it up to rest over his chest, over his heart.
He dips forward, pressing a brief kiss to Luo Binghe’s lips before pulling away again, still clasping Luo Binghe’s hand to his chest. Luo Binghe’s eyes are wide and bright, his mouth parted just slightly in shock.
‘ Like A-Yuan’s heart is in my hands ,’ Luo Binghe had said, as if he didn’t know that already.
“It is,” Shen Yuan says, warm and affectionate, squeezing the hand he has caught in his own, the hand resting over the heart that pumps Luo Binghe’s blood through his body, now. He can’t help but to say it again, softer, “it is.”
Luo Binghe swallows thickly, eyes darting down to Shen Yuan’s lips, to his hand over his heart, back to his eyes. He looks about ready to cry, looks about ready to surge forward for another kiss.
Instead he just takes a long, shuddering breath, and smiles at Shen Yuan, teary-eyed and happy.
“I’ll be careful with it,” Luo Binghe whispers back, and it feels like a promise to last their whole lives.