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From a few pews back on the bride’s side of the aisle, Flora didn’t look at all splendid. She looked perfect. She was beaming. Her eyes shone and her grin split her features as the groom recited his portion of the vows.
“I take you to be my lawful wife.”
Jamie balanced too many things in her hands as she tried to unlock the door upon arriving home. Like her, the thing was stubborn. Ultimately, she gave up and jammed the manila envelope she held in one hand into her mouth, holding it gingerly between her lips as she finally managed to twist the key and the knob at the same time--the trick to it.
“Well the queue was shite!” she called into the home, knowing Dani will have been home by now, “but I’ve got it. Our union is officially civil.” The gardener smiled at the notion, and tossed the documentation onto the catch-all by the door.
“To have and to hold,”
Dani had put on that movie again--the one Jamie couldn’t remember the name of, but knew had Audrey Hepburn. Dani couldn’t seem to get enough of the woman. Jamie might be jealous, but she wasn't the possessive type. Besides, as she curled up next to Dani, weaving their legs together as she opened a book, it turned out she needn't be. Audrey was good, but she couldn’t make Dani laugh the way Jamie could. As Dani grinned and chuckled at the movie, Jamie felt a small smile find its way to her lips. She planted a gentle kiss to the former au pair’s chest before leaning further into the woman to rest her head there. She felt Dani’s head rest atop hers. Dani’s heartbeat was strong and steady, and at peace.
“From this day forth,”
Jamie shook her head. She was already halfway home from the Manor. There was no point in turning around to go back now. She’d see Dani tomorrow or soon enough. Why go back now? Besides, the woman was clearly not ready to start anything. Though, if Jamie were being honest with herself, she knew that wasn’t true. The au pair was haunted--literally haunted. Her ex was taking up space in her life that he no longer had claim to. That wasn’t Dani’s fault. Jamie found herself thinking she would gladly chase away his dark shadow. Because Dani was ready. Every brush of Dani’s hand, every smile, every laugh, every mind-blowing kiss, and every tangential remark about a certain pub located just below a certain flat, was a gesture. Dani was ready. She’d made it pretty clear, in more ways than the gardener could count.
The problem remained: was the gardener ready? Up until now, Jamie fancied herself a lone wolf of sorts. People simply weren’t worth it. Plants took your devotion, your time, and they showed you something for it. From leafling to bloom, they rewarded your every effort. People, on the other hand, were more likely to punish you for it. Right now, her life was good. Boring. Dull. Of little consequence. But good.
So why turn around? Why go back to Bly Manor? Why ask Owen to stick around (because, let’s face it, Hannah was less and less there these days and someone needed to watch the kids if Jamie was going to steal Dani away)?
At last, the gardener paused on the road, because she finally knew the answer to her questions. Why go back? It was simple: it had been a rough day. Maybe Jamie’s life was good because it was boring, but what about Dani? The au pair could use a bit of boredom-- a break from far too much excitement that life was determined to send her way. From this day forth, Jamie had a strange feeling she’d fancy being that bit of boredom.
“For better,”
“‘I’ll have no problem setting up the bed, Dani!’” the former au pair quoted the gardener, eyeing her with accusatory daggers and gesturing toward the very-much-unfinished bed setup.
The gardener was busted. She had zero excuses. Quite simply, she’d forgotten to set up the bed, distracted by the far more interesting needs of their new shop, The Leafling. By the time she’d remembered the bed, and read the paltry leaflet of instructions, she’d discovered the bed's setup was more of a two-man job. Or, two-woman job, as it were.
“I’m sorry,” she started, giving Dani a sheepish, pleading look. She stepped forward, encircling the blonde in her arms and going for that spot on Dani’s neck that she knew Dani couldn’t resist. Before long, Dani giggled and the gardener could practically feel Dani’s eyes rolling, but her arms wrapped around Jamie’s shoulders as she laughed. The gardener held the woman even closer, slipping one leg between the other woman’s as one of Dani’s hooked around her hip.
“I’m sorry!” Jamie said again, chuckling.
“Better be,” Dani laughed out the empty threat.
“For worse,”
Something was wrong. Something had been wrong for a while, but Dani wasn’t telling her what it was. Here they were, about to be ‘officially civil,’ and Dani was pulling away. Jamie could feel it. She could feel every inch of Dani slipping away from her, but the woman wouldn’t tell her what was happening. And Jamie was afraid to ask. But that wouldn’t do, would it?
“ Are we going to talk?” Jamie finally managed to say, drying a pan Dani had handed her as the blonde scrubbed at a plate.
Dani was silent, scrubbing harder and refusing to look at Jamie.
Jamie closed her eyes for the briefest of seconds, disallowing the hurt to sink in. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’,” she said, and turned to put away the dish.
The gardener turned back to look at Dani, but the blonde didn’t appear to be staring at the water to ignore her--she looked possessed. Suddenly, Dani gasped and stood back, dropping the plate so that it shattered all over the kitchen.
“Jesus!” Jamie stepped toward the blonde, her brows furrowed with worry. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
Dani was still staring at the sink; her breathing was irregular and heavy, like she was running from something, and tears trailed down her cheeks. “I saw-- I saw her,” she whispered. “She’s there.”
No. Not yet. No.
J amie checked the sink and then looked back at Dani. “What did you see?” she asked.
“Her,” Dani whispered still. “I keep seeing her.”
“Okay,” Jamie nodded slightly. “Right.” She stepped over the larger shards of the plate and hurried to turn off the sink, letting the water drain. “Okay, it’s gone,” she said, hoping to reassure Dani. Everything would be fine. It had to be.
“Is it?”
“It’s okay.”
Dani just shook her head as she finally made eye contact with Jamie, a horrible expression of fear written all over her beautiful face.
Jamie shook her head, too. She refused to let this happen--to stand idly by. “You’re going to be okay,” she said. “You can’t think the worst, all right? Okay?”
“Jamie,” Dani whispered, unconvinced, and her gaze drifted once more.
“We don’t know what this means!” Jamie said with desperation now. “We--We could have so many more years together.” She held Dani’s face, trying to regain eye contact. “Dani,” she scanned the woman’s face, “we could have so many more years.”
The gardener didn’t know whether she was trying to convince Dani or herself at this point, but at last, Dani nodded.
“Okay? We’ll keep an eye on it,” Jamie said lamely, “and it’ll be fine.”
Dani breathed more easily now, and watched Jamie’s words form on her lips, as if concentrating on them would make them true.
“Okay? It’s going to be okay,” Jamie reassured her. She held Dani’s face in both hands, then rubbed her shoulders in an attempt to soothe away her fears. “I’ll do the washing up from now on. Yeah?” She cocked her head, saying “You’re shit at it anyway.”
Dani laughed. She laughed, and it was as if the air returned to the room. It would be okay, just like Jamie had told her. It had to be. They could have so many more years.
“For richer or for poorer”
Dani was biting her lip and carding her fingers through her bangs as she bent over receipts and invoices atop the counter in The Leafling . Her eyes - one brown, one blue - scanned her notepad as she double-checked her work and a smirk started to tease at her lips. “I can feel you watching me.”
Jamie’s brows arched as she played with a bit of baby’s breath, not really doing anything. “Oh you can, can you?”
Dani made a final swipe at their bank book with her pen before closing it, evidently finished. “Yep,” she said with a pop at the end. Her smirk was fully on display now and was downright devious. Jamie might have to figure out a way to wipe it off that beautiful face. For the moment, she watched as Dani crossed one leg over the other on her stool, her legs on full display beneath a little black velvet skirt.
Jamie’s eyes trailed their way from those far-too-tempting limbs up Dani’s form until their eyes met each other. Dani was practically grinning now. The Yank knew exactly what she was doing to the poor gardener. “And what if I like staring at you?” Jamie asked.
Dani’s grin disappeared beneath her teeth as she bit her lip in response. Anyone save Jamie might not have noticed that her eyes became darker and her chest moved up and down a little quicker as her breathing sped up.
It was the middle of the day and though things hadn’t picked up in the shop just yet, Jamie was expecting a rush. It was Valentine’s Day, after all, and Americans loved spending their money to show each other how much they care. At any moment, they might have been interrupted, and that was the only reason Jamie was still only staring. She could feel her own breath quicken and she made a conscious effort to remind herself that as soon as they closed, it was her and Dani’s Valentine’s Day, too.
“You seem in good sorts,” Jamie said and flailed to change the subject, “are the books looking good?”
Dani sighed, carding her fingers through her hair before leaning onto the counter. “They’re fine. We’re not poor, but we’re not rich.”
The gardener shrugged. “I’ll take it,” she said, turning back to one of their ready-to-go Valentine’s Day bouquets of red roses and baby’s breath to fiddle with its arrangement for the eighteenth time. Idle hands.
Jamie shiverred when a pair of arms wrap around her waist from behind. Dani caught one of her ears between her teeth gently before she whispered, “I’ll take you,” in a teasing manner.
Laughing and scrunching her nose in mock disapproval of the lame word play, Jamie stopped to hold Dani’s arms in place. They rocked back and forth, and Dani sprinkled soft kisses across Jamie’s shoulders. “I love you,” she whispered.
They could have watered the entire shop’s worth of flowers from the puddle those words had just made Jamie. “I love you, too, Poppins.”
“In sickness and in health,”
Dani looked ready for war. Upon returning from the drug store and banging around in the kitchen, she appeared armed with vapor rub, cough drops, nasal spray, warm wash cloths, honey and citrus tea (made under strict instructions Jamie had once left on a note on the fridge), tissues, and most of all, very big and very worried eyes. Jamie almost felt more sorry for Dani than for herself.
“You know, it’s just a cold, Poppins,” she said from the bed.
“You don’t get sick,” Dani said, and she frowned. She sat beside Jamie on the edge of the bed. “We’ve had The Leafling for years and I don’t think I remember you skipping one day of work before this.” She worried her lip as she looked down at the warm wash cloth she was folding.
Humoring her, Jamie closed her eyes and let the woman dampen her forehead. Then she let Dani apply the pungent vapor rub to her chest--that bit wasn’t so bad. Pillows were fluffed and her temperature was taken. Jamie drew the line, though, when Dani made as if to apply a tissue to Jamie’s nose for her to blow.
“I’m fine, Poppins. Honestly. I just need a day taking it easy. I’ll be back down in the shop tomorrow, love.”
The former au pair shook her head. “Only if you’re better.”
“I’ll be better,” Jamie assured her. She reached for Dani’s hand and linked their pinkies before bringing them to her lips so she could kiss her own thumb in a promise.
“Well, it’s a Tuesday. The shop shouldn't be that busy anyway, so I’ve left a note with our number in case anyone needs something. Meantime, I’ll keep you company.” She smiled and tucked a strand of Jamie’s hair behind an ear. “Can I get you anything else?”
The gardener nodded her head and curled a finger to direct the woman to come closer. Concern in her eyes, Dani hovered above Jamie as she waited for instructions. Instead, Jamie pulled her down on top of her, grinning when she heard Dani giggle with an “oof!” It made her laugh and that caused a bit of a coughing fit that made Dani spring back as if she’d scorched the gardener with a hot fire-poker. “I’m so sorry!”
“Oh baby, come here,” Jamie managed. She patted the spot next to her. “I swear to you, I’m fine.”
“Well, I think you should rest.”
“Good, you’re my favorite pillow. Don’t make a sick woman ask again.”
Dani rolled her eyes, but climbed into bed after removing her shoes. After settling against the headboard, she guided Jamie to rest on her chest. “Do you want me to put something on? A movie?”
Jamie nodded as she nuzzled further into the woman, closing her eyes. “You pick.”
“I’ve already got a good one in. I’ll just play that one?”
“Sounds perfect,” Jamie said in a haze. She could feel herself drifting.
At some point, Jamie woke up, but it was dark out. She couldn’t tell if it was late evening or the middle of the night. She looked up to see that Dani was still awake. “How long was I out?”
“A few hours. You hungry?”
“A girl could get used to this,” Jamie smiled. She kissed Dani’s chest. “A bit of pasta with butter would sit right, I think.”
“I’ll go make it,” Dani said eagerly. She kissed the top of Jamie’s head and gently extricated herself.
“Dani?” Jamie called.
Dani stopped just before leaving the room. “Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
Dani’s expression softened. She leaned against the doorframe of their bedroom as she smiled at Jamie. “Anytime.”
“...for as long as we both shall live.”
The groom finished his vows and Flora’s grin was still brilliant. It was her turn now, and Jamie remembered all those years ago at Bly Manor--how Flora so enjoyed reciting her own lines. She was surprised Flora hadn’t written her own vows, in fact, but then again it had been many years since the budding theatre artist had written and performed anything as far as the gardener knew.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
Jamie imagined saying to Dani.
“Doesn’t she look happy?”
“Like us,” Jamie imagined Dani saying in return. Then she would have weaved their arms together as she leaned in close to her side.
“Like us,” Jamie nodded in agreement with the phantom Dani. She caught Owen’s tear-glistened eye and smiled fondly. The poor sap.
“He’s such a romantic
.
Always has been
,” Dani would have told her. Jamie could almost imagine the feel of Dani squeezing her hand.
“Such as shame he never found anyone again,”
Dani might have said.
Jamie disagreed with that. “The vows are ‘for as long as we both shall live,’ love. I don’t think anyone would measure up to Hannah for him. No one could ever measure up to you.”
Dani would have tsked and told her she hadn’t really tried. In truth, Jamie hadn’t. People were exhaustive. Every great once in a while, you might find the walking personification of a moonflower, but she’d already done that. She had experienced so many years of beauty and devotion and love. It hadn’t been enough, but it had been more than she ever thought possible.
The rest of the day blurred from one aspect of ceremony to the next. Before she knew it, Jamie was back in her hotel room. She checked the mirror, then the sink, and even the tub, but knew she would only see herself. With a crack in the door and the lights turned off, she was ready for bed. Or, rather, she was ready for a nap in the chair facing the door. On the off chance Dani might decide to join her, she would be waiting and ready. For as long as she lived.