Work Text:
On second thought, Wes shouldn’t have checked his phone right after waking up. It’s completely reasonable that nobody he knows would have sent him a birthday message so early in the morning. But it still makes his heart sink. A little. But having unreasonable expectations is stupid and that’s his own fault, so he decides not to check his phone until he gets to work.
He gets to work before Travis and he already knows none of his co-workers will wish him a happy birthday, so having that confirmed doesn’t sting. After taking his time making himself a cup of coffee in the break room, turning on his computer and mentally going over his to-do list for the day, he glances at the clock and decides it’s now a more appropriate time to check his phone.
But once again, there aren’t any messages. That makes his heart twist a bit, but it’s still early in the day. Alex is probably busy getting settled at work and his parents are probably eating breakfast. There’s still a chance they’ll send a message later. Swallowing through an increasingly tightening throat, he pushes all these silly thoughts out of his head and sorts through the stack of folders on his desk.
Five minutes later, his phone beeps with an incoming message and Wes’ breath catches as he struggles to contain a smile. This is it! He doesn’t know if it’s his parents or Alex texting him, but it has to be one of them.
But it’s not one of them. It’s a message from Travis and Wes already knows it’s not related to his birthday. After all, Travis should already be here and he’ll give Wes his birthday greeting in person.
Travis’ message confirms his theory: ‘Gon b l8 sory’
That’s fine. It doesn’t mean Travis didn’t remember Wes’ birthday. So he types back a scathing response:
‘You’re going to make me go blind before I’m 40. We should send you back to elementary school so you can learn how to spell.’
It’s a lengthy text message, but Wes likes the excuse to keep staring at his phone while he types because a part of him is still hoping a text message from his parents or Alex will pop up. Unfortunately, that doesn’t end up happening. But again—it’s still early. There’s still plenty of time.
His phone pings again a minute later, but this time he doesn’t get excited because he knows it’s just Travis. Sure enough, Travis’ response is a string of emojis that are sticking their tongues out at him. That prompts Wes to search through his phone’s limited emoji options to find one that involves a middle finger, until he remembers that he’s not actually twelve years old and puts his phone away.
Wes decides the best way to deal with today would be to stay distracted and make the hours go by faster; hence, hopefully speeding him towards getting some acknowledgment from somebody that today isn’t just an ordinary day. To help with this goal, he makes Travis a cup of coffee and pulls the case file they need to start with out of the mess on Travis’ desk.
Twenty minutes later, Travis comes barreling through the door and hurries towards his desk. “Sorry, sorry, sorry. I got caught in construction.”
“You know it’s a crime to text and drive, right?”
Travis gives him a look as he shrugs off his jacket. “It’s not a crime to text when I’m literally standing still in traffic. I even turned my bike off.”
Technically, it’s still illegal and Wes would normally tell Travis this, but it occurs to him that distracting Travis with other conversations will mean pushing off the conversation he actually wants to have today, so he snaps his mouth shut.
Travis narrows his eyes at him as he sits down, no doubt having noticed that Wes isn’t continuing their bickering.
Wes patiently waits as Travis discovers the cup of coffee on his desk, makes happy noises about its presence without questioning where it had come from, and turns his computer on. Then he listens to Travis making an unhappy noise as he informs Wes that his “stupid computer is doing some stupid update thing”.
None of these things give any indication that Travis remembered Wes’ birthday. But it also doesn’t mean he didn’t. He could just be distracted by other things. Any minute now, Travis will launch into the ridiculous display he puts on every year for Wes’ birthday.
So Wes waits. They go over their current cases, tech has some results for them so they pay Kendall a visit—who doesn’t mention Wes’ birthday, but that’s not a surprise—and they stop by the Captain’s office to update him on another case. Captain Sutton also doesn’t mention Wes’ birthday and once again, that’s not a surprise and it’s not upsetting.
It’s not.
They also spend two hours in the conference room because one of their cases involves a very crooked and very dead accountant and that means combing through so many papers that their desks aren’t adequate. From time to time, Travis wanders back to his computer to check if it finished updating and he always comes back with an annoyed look on his face, so that’s an ongoing issue. By two in the afternoon, Travis’ computer has been stuck at the 78% installation mark for half an hour, which they both decide is a sign of trouble and he goes to get Kendall for help.
Not once has Travis mentioned Wes’ birthday. He hasn’t made any reference to it. He hasn’t even made any jokes about it or given any sign that he’s purposefully not mentioning it just to mess with him.
No. It’s looking more and more like Travis has forgotten about his birthday. What makes matters worse is that Wes keeps checking his phone and there aren’t any birthday messages there either. He even discreetly logs onto his personal email while Travis is off charming Kendall for help, and there aren’t any waiting birthday emails.
His birthday is more than halfway over and nobody has acknowledged it and that...isn’t a nice feeling.
It doesn’t matter how sternly he reminds himself that birthdays are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things and nobody is obligated to remember anybody’s birthday...it still hurts. It hurts a lot.
He doesn’t think his expectations were outlandish. At no point did he expect the rest of his co-workers to remember that it’s his birthday. After all, he doesn’t know any of their birthdays except Travis’. But there is a small group of people who have traditionally remembered and cared that it’s his birthday and it really does hurt that all of them have apparently lost the desire to remember.
If he’s going to be brutally honest with himself, he’s forced to acknowledge that most of this shouldn’t be a surprise. After all, he and Alex have been divorced for three years now and she’s re-married and moved up to northern California with her new family. She has a new husband’s birthday to remember, not to mention the new step-kids’ birthdays. He and Alex didn’t have any lifelong ties such as children, pets or businesses that would have kept them involved in each other’s lives. There’s no reason her ex-husband’s birthday should continue being a priority for her. Apparently, Alex had decided that this was the year when she’d officially leave the last parts of Wes behind and that’s fine. Well, it’s not fine, but it’s understandable and it’s something Wes will have to get used to.
As for his parents, that relationship had broken beyond repair ever since he’d stopped practicing law anyway. His parents had adored Alex and thus, they’d maintained a distant but polite relationship with Wes during the few years after he’d become a cop and before the divorce. But once Alex had moved on and lost the desire to stay in touch with her ex-in-laws, his parents’ replies to his emails came less and less frequently and the replies became shorter and even colder. Then the email replies eventually stopped and Wes stopped trying.
But his parents had always taken the time to send him a birthday message, just like he did with their birthdays. Even if the message was cold and impersonal, they still did it. The thought that this would be the first year that neither his parents nor Alex would acknowledge his birthday leaves him feeling ridiculously sad and alone.
The one thing that could salvage the situation is if he at least had Travis’ support. They’ve been partners for seven years and they’d always done something for each other’s birthday. Travis’ birthdays are always ridiculous affairs with his phone blowing up with messages and calls the entire day and a constant stream of food and card deliveries coming into the department. Wes always gets Travis a card and a gift certificate to whatever restaurant Travis is fond of at that particular time. While Wes is sure that his card quickly gets lost in the sea of birthday cards that Travis drowns in throughout the day, the point is that Wes still makes the effort because it’s important that he acknowledges his partner’s birthday.
And that’s why this hurts so much. Traditionally, Travis has always participated in Wes’ birthday. Back when Wes had been married, Alex would always invite Travis to join them for Wes’ birthday dinner at his favorite Italian restaurant. Even though Alex would invite a bunch of Wes’ former law colleagues and it was always clear that Travis wasn’t completely comfortable, he’d always be there with a card and some stupid joke gift and he’d insist on giving Wes his ‘birthday hug’.
Even after the divorce, Travis would always remember. He’d give Wes his birthday hug right after turning on his computer in the morning and then insist that everybody in the bullpen sing happy birthday for Wes. It’s horribly embarrassing and Wes always counts down the words left in the song until it’ll be over, but Travis always looks so happy doing it and it’s never his ‘I’m-making-fun-of-Wes-and-loving-it’ smile but a genuine smile, like he’s happy to be making Wes’ birthday special. Then Travis will show up at his place a few hours after work with a card and the traditional joke gift.
Even though all of it should be annoying, it’s really not. And even if he sometimes did wish that Travis would contain his enthusiasm for Wes’ birthday a bit more and stop with the stupid plastic poop or exploding confetti gifts—he’s coming to a startling realization:
If he has to choose between Travis’ usual birthday shenanigans or getting nothing, Wes would take the shenanigans. He absolutely would take the shenanigans.
The reality of Travis’ not acknowledging Wes’ birthday in any way hurts more with every passing minute. When Travis comes back to his desk with Kendall at his heels and they both descend on his computer with frowns of concentration, Wes struggles to swallow past the lump in his throat.
It’s now official. He no longer has anybody in his life who cares about his birthday. It’s not the birthday part that bothers him, but the overlying message. Wes no longer has anybody in his life who truly cares about him. Who wants to make him a priority in their lives. Who wants to make special days special for him.
And the longer Wes sits there, staring at Travis frowning at his computer while he hovers over Kendall’s shoulder as she types, Wes heart slowly begins to break. As much as he wants to deny it, the idea of Travis not caring about his birthday—and by extension, Wes as a person—hurts a lot more than his parents or Alex leaving him behind. He’d always thought that Travis genuinely liked him as a person. That they weren’t just work partners but real friends who liked being involved in each other’s lives and truly cared about each other. His relationship with Travis has lasted longer than his relationship with Alex or anybody else from his past and for all their difficulties, Wes thinks their relationship is incomparably better than his relationship with his parents had ever been. In short, Travis has somehow come to occupy an essential part of Wes’ life and their relationship is very important to him.
The realization that Travis has stopped caring at some point leaves him overwhelmed with emotion as he forces back the strong urge to cry.
He decides he’s had enough of today. He’s made a decent effort to stay strong and positive, despite the devastating outcome. But he thinks he’s earned the right to call it quits. After all, it is his birthday. If there’s any day he’s allowed to feel sorry for himself, it’s today.
“I’m gonna go home,” he mumbles in Travis direction.
Travis is still staring at his screen as Kendall types up a storm. “What?”
Standing up, Wes fumbles to open his desk drawer and pull out his gun. “I’m not feeling well. I’m going home early.”
Travis is frowning at him as Wes holsters the gun and grabs his lunch box from the desk.
“I told you that kale crap is gonna do weird things to your guts,” Travis grouses. “Why do you never listen to me?”
The more Travis talks, the more Wes is reminded that Travis doesn’t really care. He likes to bicker and banter with Wes because it’s amusing and makes boring days at work go by faster. But he’s stopped liking Wes as a person at some point and because Wes hasn’t suddenly changed how he behaves, it’s clear that Travis has decided he doesn’t like Wes the way he naturally is. That means there’s nothing he can do to change it and he needs to get out of here before he starts crying and humiliates himself.
“Please tell Cap I’m taking a personal day,” he mumbles.
“Seriously, what’s wrong? Are you okay driving home? You want me to drive you?”
Giving a curt shake of his head, Wes clenches his jaw and marches away from his desk, heading towards the bullpen door and ignoring Travis’ demands for more details.
* * *
Travis keeps staring at the bullpen door where Wes had disappeared. Something about the whole situation is bothering him but he can’t put his finger on what it is. He’d noticed that Wes was a little quieter and more morose today than he usually is and he kept obsessively checking his phone every five minutes, but Travis figured Wes would eventually tell him what’s going on. Either that, or Travis would bring it up when they were some place more private. But Wes leaving is a whole new layer to the situation and it gives Travis a bad feeling in his gut.
Kendall’s still working on his computer, typing at a furious pace with different screens popping up all over the place. “What was that about?”
“No idea.”
While he waits for Kendall to finish battling with his computer, he contemplates whether to call or text Wes to find out what’s been bothering him. But Wes won’t look at his phone while he’s driving, so Travis needs to wait about twenty minutes before he can start getting to the bottom of what’s bothering his partner.
“There we go,” Kendall mumbles.
Travis looks over her shoulder and sees that his normal desktop has made an appearance, which is a relief. He wants to spend the rest of the day dealing with Wes, not more computer problems.
Kendall slides back Travis’ chair and shoots him a smile. “That should be good now.”
He smiles at her. “Thanks, Kendall. I owe you lunch.”
She laughs and stands up. “I’ll hold you to that.”
“Just tell me what you wanna eat tomorrow and it’ll be on your desk by lunch time.”
Once Kendall’s left, Travis sits down and opens up his email. While he waits for it to load, he glances at the time and grumbles when he notices that he still has to wait 15 minutes before trying to contact Wes.
Something is flashing on his screen and when Travis looks up, he recognizes that it’s one of those automatic calendar alerts that he sets for important things. He almost doesn’t bother reading it as his cursor hovers over the option to snooze the alert and have it pop up tomorrow when Travis won’t be so distracted, until his eyes catch on the short message.
‘BLONDIE’S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!’
And that’s when Travis’ heart drops through the floor.
* * *
Shit, shit, shit! Suddenly, everything about today makes sense. Travis usually sees the alert as soon as he turns on his computer and that’s the official start of all the little routines he’s created for Wes’ birthday. Wes must have noticed right away that Travis hadn’t done any of the usual things he does for his birthday and Travis knows with a sinking feeling that Wes would have jumped to the wrong conclusions.
Wes doesn’t know that Travis only has Wes’ birthday reminder in one place and one place only: his work computer, which was being stupid all day. Of course, Travis knows the date of Wes’ birthday, but that’s not enough. Travis has always had a terrible time keeping track of dates and he’s constantly a month before or ahead of reality. Which is why these calendar alerts have massively improved his life since Wes taught him how to use them years ago. In fact, Wes’ birthday reminder is one of the first things Travis had added to the calendar and it’s set as a recurring annual reminder that dutifully appears once a year, on Wes’ birthday. Well, if his computer is working properly.
It occurs to Travis that he’s an idiot and he shouldn’t be relying on just one thing to serve as a reminder, especially for very important dates. Why, oh why didn’t he put the reminder into his phone?! Or make a paper countdown thing for his fridge?! There are a million options he could be using to make sure something like this doesn’t happen and he hasn’t been using any of them! Then he remembers the worst part of this mess:
Wes thinks Travis forgot about his birthday. He’d been waiting patiently all day for Travis to do or say something to acknowledge his special day...and Travis just blissfully went about things as if it’s a normal day.
Not only that, but Wes’ dejected attitude and the constant checking of his phone mean the situation is even worse. Normally, Wes gets a birthday greeting text from both Alex and his parents some time during the morning. Travis knows this because Wes always gets that small, soft smile on his face when the messages come in and he always tells Travis about them.
This time, there hadn’t been any sign of that soft, special smile and the constant phone checking means the messages hadn’t come in and that’s a bad sign. A very, very bad sign.
For a few years now, Travis has been bracing himself for Alex to fully pull herself away from Wes. The two of them have nothing in common anymore and the last few times Travis had joined Alex and Wes for lunch, Travis could tell that Alex was doing it as a favor to Wes, rather than actually wanting to see him. Alex is wonderful and Travis will always have a soft spot in his heart for her, but it had been obvious that Alex was ready to move on and there wasn’t enough left in her relationship with Wes to keep that going. Unfortunately, Wes hadn’t noticed any of this and it had hit him hard when Alex had moved away with her new family.
It seems that this is the year that Alex decided to stop sending Wes his birthday greetings. It makes sense, Travis doesn’t blame her and he knows Wes doesn’t either, but his heart still aches because he knows it must be hurting Wes.
As for Wes’ parents...that’s a situation Travis tries to stay away from because he can’t stand people who treat Wes like crap but he also understands that Wes can’t just turn off his feelings for his parents. But in any case, it seems that this is the year that they too must have decided to cut off their final ties with their son. In normal circumstances, Travis would be happy about this because the extent to which Wes’ parents have messed Wes up is something Travis will never get over, but that’s not the point.
The point is that Wes has spent the entire day thinking that nobody in his life cares enough about him to remember his birthday.
Travis can’t believe he spent the entire morning with him and every word Travis had said had broken Wes’ heart into smaller and smaller pieces and Travis is so angry at himself that he has to curl up his hands so he doesn’t throw his computer across the room. It’s not even the computer’s fault. Not really.
It seems that Travis is the only one in Wes’ life who appreciates what an awesome human being Wes is and that’s fine. The fact that other people can’t be bothered to get to know Wes before judging him or that they can’t tolerate his flaws and life choices isn’t Travis’ problem. But now that he’s the only person left in Wes’ little bubble, he has serious responsibilities. The days of relying on Alex to do the majority of the work are long gone. It’s now time for Travis to pick up that responsibility and handle it properly.
That’s why the situation pisses him off so much because he should have seen this coming. He’d known it was coming. And he should have spent more time preparing because that’s what somebody does with a responsibility that matters to them.
So in conclusion: Travis has massively messed up. Massively.
The only hope now is that he can salvage the situation, be given a chance to do better in the future and then actually taking steps to get that done.
Remembering that Wes is sitting at home in his ridiculously huge and empty house, thinking that nobody cares about him makes Travis heart twist and he has to blink hard so he doesn’t burst into tears. It’s hard enough dealing with situations where other people are upset about something, but when it’s somebody who permanently lives in Travis’ heart, it’s even worse. He needs to fix the situation immediately.
To start, he hurries into Captain Sutton’s office, barely stopping to knock on the door before rushing inside.
“Cap, I have to go.”
The Captain raises his eyebrows. “Are you the reason Wes is taking a personal day? He sent me a text and I don’t remember the last time Wes took a personal day.”
Travis cringes. “Yes and no.”
Captain Sutton gives him an unimpressed look. “What happened?”
Travis raises his hands defensively. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I screwed up and I already know how I’m gonna do better, but I didn’t do it on purpose. Once Wes understands that, I’m hoping he’ll forgive me.”
“What did you do?” The Captain’s voice sounds resigned.
For a moment, Travis can’t get the words out because they’re horrible. They represent how badly Travis has handled his responsibilities as Wes’ only ‘fellow-bubble-dweller’ and that self-loathing rushes back in. But admitting his mistakes is important. If he’s learned anything during therapy with Wes, that’s one of the most important lessons. Sure, he’ll still refuse to admit he did or said something wrong when it’s a small, stupid situation and he only does it because he likes the bickering that it leads to. Wes likes it too, which is why Travis keeps doing it. But when it comes to serious stuff, Travis’ pride can’t take priority over more important things because that’ll lead to horrible things.
“I forgot Wes’ birthday.”
Captain Sutton’s eyes widen. “When was it?”
“Today.”
The Captain stares at him, looking disappointed. “Go fix it.”
“Yes, sir.” Spinning around, Travis is almost out the door when Captain Sutton calls him back.
“I want you both back at work tomorrow and I want harmony to be restored in my bullpen. I don’t care what you have to do to make that happen, just do it.”
“Yes, sir.”
* * *
At first, Travis plans to drive straight over to Wes’ house. But seeing how he’s already screwed up so many of today’s traditions, he decides to do things properly. That means driving to the nearest store that sells birthday cards and spending too many but important minutes picking out a good card. He borrows the cashier’s pen and writes his usual birthday message into it and signs his name.
His next stop would normally be the dollar store to get Wes some stupid gag gift that’s designed to make Wes fake annoyance but also laugh. But just before he gets there, he has second thoughts. Now that he’s the sole member left on Team Wes, he decides getting stupid gifts wouldn’t fit with his new role. That’s followed by several frantic minutes of turning in circles in the parking lot, trying to come up with a good last minute gift that Wes will actually like.
Finally settled on an idea, he uses the internet on his phone to find what he’s looking for. Then it’s back on his bike to find the store, run inside and buy what he needs and after carefully putting his new package into his backpack, it’s finally time to head for Wes’ house.
* * *
Once he’s parked his bike on the driveway, he starts out running towards Wes’ front door, only to remember the fragile present in his backpack and that means speed walking instead. As soon as he’s within reaching distance of the door bell, he’s leaning on it and knocking on the door with his other hand.
“Wes? It’s me.”
A minute goes by without the door being opened and Travis is about to abandon the front door and go around the back to see if he can find another way in, when Wes’ voice comes through the door.
“What do you want, Travis?”
The tone is flat with anger simmering beneath the words. But the words also sound dejected, as if Wes doesn’t have a lot of energy to be mad at him anymore and that makes Travis’ heart ache.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to forget your birthday, I swear. I’m here to make it up to you. Well, if you’ll let me.”
There’s silence from the other side of the door.
* * *
Wes stands by the closed door, overwhelmed with different emotions. Having Travis show up is the last thing he’d been expecting. At first, he thought Travis had come over to regale him with some stupid story about whoever he’s planning on fucking tonight and Wes had actually been looking forward to using the pain that’s clutching his heart to lash out at him.
But hearing Travis mention his birthday and apologizing makes him freeze. Travis doesn’t sound like he’s joking either. He sounds devastated and that matches how Wes feels.
He’d tried to put on a brave front after getting home, but once he’d realized that there wasn’t anybody around to care if he threw himself a pity party, he’d let the crushing sadness out and had a good cry curled up on his couch. He’d just finished crying himself out a short while ago and he’d been trying to decide whether to spend the rest of the day with a bottle of wine or giving up all pretense and hitting the harder stuff until he’s numb.
Then Travis started knocking on his door and a dangerous little flame had burst to life in Wes’ heart.
Hope.
Travis is here and somehow, he’d remembered Wes’ birthday. Wes hadn’t reminded him, so that’s important. But it doesn’t explain why Travis hasn’t mentioned his birthday the entire day. Maybe the admin staff had asked Travis to go over some personal documents and he’d seen Wes’ birthday and put the pieces together? But that still doesn’t make all of the pain vanish. Because it means Travis hadn’t made any extra effort to remember Wes’ birthday.
But if the whole thing is such a casual affair for Travis, he wouldn’t have come over, right? He would have just texted Wes a quick message, a kind of ‘ha ha sory I forgit hapy berthdy’. That’s what somebody who didn’t really care would do.
But Travis is here.
And not only is he here, but he’s also singing.
Wait. Travis is singing?! Wes had been so distracted with his thoughts that he hadn't noticed that Travis had started singing at some point. And he’s not just singing any song.
“—to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Wes. Happy birthday to you.”
Then there’s a strange thumping sound against the door.
“Wes, I’m giving your birthday hug to the door. It ain’t the same thing, but I gotta make do with what I’ve got.”
That’s followed by other strange sounds.
“I’m gonna leave your present and your card out here. Don’t worry, it’s not one of those stupid joke things that’ll explode glitter everywhere. I went to that bakery by the station that you’re always drooling over when we walk by. You know, the one with the healthy, organic crap? I got a whole bunch of their chocolate cupcakes so you can see which ones you like best. And I got you a gift certificate too so you can go back and get more. I’m just gonna leave it all here, okay?”
That little flame of hope bursts into an inferno and Wes’ heart starts pounding as he fumbles to rip open the door.
Travis has his backpack slung over his shoulder and he really looks like he’s about to leave. Right on the door mat is a box with the organic bakery’s logo on it with a birthday card stuck beneath the cheery red ribbon.
Seeing Wes makes Travis step towards him. He looks upset and worried as he stares at Wes. “Can I come in? Please? I wanna explain what happened today.”
Wes stares between Travis and the box of cupcakes by their feet and his emotions have been so all over the place for the entire day that he’s close to tears again, but for a completely different reason. “You went to buy cupcakes and a card. For me.”
Travis’ face falls. “Of course, I did. Of course, I—” Travis blinks hard and his hands twitch. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t plan ahead and I should have and it blew up in our faces and I’m really sorry. I’m gonna do so much better next year, I promise.”
Wes blinks as his shattered heart slowly reforms itself. His throat is too tight for him to say anything, so he bends over to pick up the box and the card and steps back, pulling the door open wider.
Travis is through the door instantly and he locks the door and toes off his shoes without Wes having to ask while Wes puts the box of cupcakes on a small side table by the door. Feeling the weight of the box makes the whole thing real.
Travis had gone out of his way to buy Wes a birthday card and these cupcakes. He’d driven to two different stores to get them and then he’d driven to Wes’ house to deliver them in person. He could have waited until tomorrow and given these things to Wes at the station, but he must have known what this means to him.
He stares at Travis, his eyes brimming with new tears as those horrible fears from earlier slowly fade. “I thought...” he chokes out and the rest of the words get stuck in his throat.
Travis looks devastated and he makes a move towards him, as if he wants to hug him. But at the last second, he freezes and just holds out his arms, letting Wes make the final decision. Without having to think about it, Wes steps into his waiting arms and slides his hands under Travis’ leather jacket, clutching the back of his shirt and burying his face in his neck.
Travis lets out a deep, shaky breath as he wraps his arms around Wes’ back. His grip is gentle at first and gradually tightens. Wes knows Travis is doing it on purpose because physical contact like this has always been difficult for him and Wes has to be in the right head space to be comfortable with it. But right now, he’s in desperate need of a good, tight hug, especially one from Travis. So he tightens his own grip on Travis, hoping to communicate what he can’t say. As usual, Travis understands and he makes a soft noise as he tightens his arms around Wes and runs one hand up to gently tangle in his hair.
* * *
Having Wes in his arms immediately makes some of Travis’ despair fade. When Wes had opened the door with swollen, red eyes and the mixture of devastation and hope on his face, Travis’ heart had sunk. But now Wes has invited him in, he’s accepting Travis’ hug and he seems to be accepting Travis’ apology, so that’s moving in a good direction.
But being allowed to hold Wes like this is bittersweet. If it were up to Travis, he’d touch Wes whenever and however he could because expressing his feelings with physical contact is as natural for him as breathing. But Wes’ journey to becoming comfortable with physical affection has been a long and slow process and he typically only allows it to happen for extended periods of time when he’s really upset about something. That’s when his need for physical comfort becomes so great that his usual anxieties and discomfort associated with it are overridden. And right no, Wes is clinging to him like he’s drowning and his breathing is choppy as he seems to be struggling to hold in more tears. Travis knows his actions weren’t the only ones that contributed to it but it still sucks.
“I’m so sorry,” Travis whispers into Wes’ neck. “I know I hurt you and I’m really mad at myself for that. My computer usually reminds me about your birthday but I didn’t get the alert until Kendall fixed it and that was after you went home already. But don’t worry, I’m gonna do much better going forward. It was my own stupid fault that I didn’t have other reminders. Plus, it’s dumb just having a reminder on the day cause I need time to plan. So starting tomorrow, I’m gonna fix things and I’ll do much better next year and every single year after that.”
Wes doesn’t respond as he keeps clinging to Travis and trembling a bit in his arms.
Travis presses the side of his face against Wes and gently rubs his nose against Wes’ warm cheek. “I’m not gonna fuck up like this again, I promise,” he whispers and he means every word of it.
Wes lets out a small noise before he’s slowly pulling back and staring at Travis, his eyes sad but there’s a bit of a spark back in them. “Almost forgetting my birthday really does matter to you.”
Rolling his eyes, Travis squeezes Wes’ hips and steps close enough to press his forehead against Wes’ because the need to comfort him is still way too high. “Of course, it does. I hate it when you’re sad or unhappy, especially when it’s my fault. When you’re annoyed with me, that’s fine. You being pissed off at me is also fine cause I’m mostly pissed off at you when that happens. But seeing you like this and knowing I caused a lot of it is killing me.”
Wes pulls his head back a bit and stares at him in wonder before slowly putting his hands on Travis’ hips and sliding them around to his back, pulling them closer again. “I forgive you.”
Hearing those words sends a rush of relief through Travis and he smiles and before he can stop himself, he’s leaning over and kissing Wes on the forehead. “Thanks.”
When Travis pulls back, he stares at Wes, worried about his reaction and ready to apologize for overstepping. But to his surprise, Wes has a smile on his face. “I liked that.”
Travis smiles. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Wes’ smile is that soft, shy one that Travis loves so much and Wes’ eyes are staring at Travis’ lips.
Everything slowly starts to shift. Travis is more intensely aware than before of how close they’re standing, of his hands on Wes’ hips and the way Wes is playing with the back of his shirt. And he’s still staring at Travis’ lips. Then Wes parts his lips slightly and his eyes flick up to Travis’ and they’re filled with desire.
His heart picks up speed and Travis closes the small distance between them and presses a gentle kiss against Wes’ lips.
Wes lets out a tiny, surprised sound but before Travis pulls back, he’s kissing Travis back. That’s all the invitation Travis needs and he catches Wes’ lips in another kiss, adding a bit more pressure and pulling him closer. Wes makes another small sound, but it’s a happy humming sound. He tilts his head and presses his lips more firmly to Travis’ and everything fades away.
Kissing Wes is as amazing as Travis always thought it would be. Travis reaches up to cradle Wes face and swipes his tongue against his lips, which makes Wes gasp and part his lips, allowing Travis to slip inside.
Heat is rapidly building between them until Wes suddenly lets out an unhappy whimper and pulls back. But he doesn’t go far and he reaches up to keep Travis’ hands pressed to his face as they stare at each other.
Wes eyes are wide with heat and he’s breathing fast, but he looks a bit wary. “I already forgave you.”
Travis frowns. “I know. That’s not why I’m kissing you.”
But instead of seeming reassured, Wes is chewing on his lower lip and frowning back at him. “Travis...”
Travis gently rubs Wes’ cheek with his thumb. “Tell me what's going on in your head.”
Wes’ eyes drop down to stare at Travis’ collarbone and he’s got that look on his face that tells Travis he’s upset but he’s trying to hide it. “I don’t wanna do this if it’s only for tonight. I can’t—I need more than a one night stand. And even if a one night stand would make me feel better—which it wouldn’t—I don’t wanna do that with you. What we have is very important to me and I don’t wanna wreck it with a fling.”
Once he understands Wes’ concerns, Travis can’t help but huff out a laugh because that’s ridiculous. Wes must misinterpret his laugh because he stiffens and tries to pull away, but Travis tightens his grip on him. “Baby, I don’t want you just for one night. You—Jesus.” He has to take a deep breath because the thought that Wes doesn’t understand how much Travis cares about him is upsetting. “We’ve been together for 7 years and that’s the longest relationship I’ve had with anybody. And there’s a reason for that. Every single time I had the chance to walk away from you, I fought to stay with you. I went to therapy. I swallow my pride when we’re fighting and I know I was wrong and I have to apologize. I eat lunch at the gross places you like when it’s your turn to choose where we go. I hate houses like this and house hunting bores me to tears, but I went with you to every single house you wanted to check out for three months, didn’t I? Fuck, I even volunteered to do that stupid juice cleanse with you and I would have hated every second of it, but I would have done it if it made you happy.”
Travis smiles at him. “I’ve worked harder to keep our relationship good than I have with anything in my entire life and that’s because I wanna keep you in my life as long as possible.”
Wes stares at him in wonder and then he’s blinking rapidly and swallows hard. His eyes are shimmering with unshed tears and that just won’t do, so Travis slides a hand to Wes chin and kisses him hard, pouring every ounce of love he has for him into the kiss.
Sucking in a shaky breath, Wes blindly grabs Travis’ shirt and pulls him close, frantically returning the kiss. He’s shaking and Travis keeps kissing him. As time goes by, Travis gradually softens the kisses, gently rubbing Wes’ cheeks as he calms them both down.
Once Wes has settled into chaste, slow kisses again, Travis pulls back a bit and rubs their noses together. “Happy birthday,” he whispers.
A bright smile lights up Wes’ face, which makes Travis’ heart soar.
Then Travis’ eyes happen to land on the box of cupcakes sitting on the table next to them. “Hey, you wanna try some of your birthday cupcakes?”
Wes’ eyes brighten even more. “Yeah. And I wanna read my birthday card.”
Travis nods. “Okay. Birthday card first, then birthday cupcakes. And I’m gonna sneak in as many birthday kisses and hugs as I can.”
That makes Wes laugh and it’s that pure, happy laugh that Travis hears so rarely but loves very dearly.
Then Wes’ smile turns a bit mischievous. “Are you interested in eating the cupcakes up in the bedroom?”
Travis grins and kisses him hard. “Sometimes you have good ideas.”
Wes chuckles, but then he pauses and frowns. “But if we’re gonna eat in the bedroom, we—”
“We need plates and napkins and I’m not gonna get a single crumb on the bed, I promise.”
Wes is smiling and he presses his lips together as he lets out a happy sigh.
Seeing Wes look so happy means the world to him and Travis mentally makes a promise to himself right then and there that he’s going to do everything possible to keep Wes smiling like this for the rest of his life. Even if that means helping Wes vacuum his bed after he’s finished feeding Wes half a dozen cupcakes because Wes will never be able to fall asleep if he thinks there’s a single crumb in his bed.
Giving Wes another soft kiss, Travis pulls back and grabs Wes by the hand as he reaches over to pick up the box of cupcakes with the card on top, then he’s leading them to the kitchen to load up on plates and napkins. “Come on, birthday boy. Let’s go celebrate your birthday properly.”