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Maybe one part of Hawks had always known it'd end up like this, one way or another. That they were built to fall apart.

"This isn't going to work out, Hawks."

Enji says, running a palm through his face and gently prying Hawks off his torso. Hawks can tell, can tell Enji doesn't want to do this. His touch lingers a moment longer than necessary, unwilling to let him go. Hawks can see right through him.

"I just wanna know why."

Hawks says then, straightening his back and backing away, giving Enji the space he needs at the moment. His face is deprived of any emotion as he stares at the love of his life blankly, completely empty inside as the reality of the situation has not yet sinked in. Enji sighs, leaning his back against the door frame, averting his gaze.

"I can't do it."

He starts. Maybe Hawks should sit down, but he can't seem to get his limbs to move. Funny how he was trained to slit open throats without hesitation but freezes in his spot when Enji is talking to him like this.

"We didn't even put a name to it"

He points vaguely between the two of them.

"It's a mess."

"Well, you're still married."

Hawks comments, no bite to his words but rather just stating the obvious. When Enji closes his eyes, brows furrowing, and breathes out through his nose, hot steam comes out of his nostrils as though he's a dragon.

Hawks wants him so bad, wants to jump on him, wants him to breathe his fire right into his face. Wants Enji to absolutely destroy him, cremate him into ashes. That's what he wants. His cock throbs awkwardly inside his pants. Not now you gay penis, Hawks scolds it internally.

"What was I thinking..."

Enji mumbles more to himself, shaking his head. And then it starts to actually sting, that's the moment Hawks notices the knife Enji has been grinding into his nerves.

"You're half my damn age, you're a boy, and you're... you."

He runs a large hand into his crimson hair, and Hawks watches each motion with great interest. Enji might be breaking up with him, even though he was never Hawks' to begin with, but Hawks still thinks he's gorgeous.

Loves him with all his flaws, each and every single one of them, even though one of those flaws is Enji never being able to love him.

"Hawks, I don't want to hurt you."

Enji looks up as he speaks, directly into Hawks' eyes. Hawks can see that he's sincere, but can't see the problem here. Because he's sure, he's so sure that Enji can never hurt him, not as long as he's right by his side.

"I've hurt my loved ones so much in the past, I still do. I don't want to mistreat you, I've already done enough."

Hawks honestly has stopped listening past the loved ones part, but he blinks his eyes to try to focus. What does Enji even mean when he says he's done enough? Is he not referring to Hawks at all?

As far as Hawks knows, Enji has never mistreated him, never hurt him, never did nothing anything Hawks didn't want him to. Sure they've been argueing lately, and they never have enough time for one another to address their problems. But Hawks was happy, happy as long as he had him.

"Hawks."

Enji raises his voice a little to catch his attention, and when Hawks looks up at him he finds Enji glaring, like Hawks has done a bad thing. Now that kind of hurts. But then again, Enji gives him that look all the time. Hawks kind of also likes it.

"We're done here."

Enji finishes coldly, looking away once again. And Hawks gets it. He acknowledges him with a small nod, and Enji sighs. Grabbing his blazer he walks towards the door of Hawks' apartment. Hawks has always loved the way Enji made the place look so stuffed, making him feel a little claustraphobic -- but in a sexual way.

Hah. The old man is openly breaking up with him and Hawks is still thinking about how much he wants him.

"I understand if you don't want to see me again. But we still have a mission to do soon."

Enji adds while putting on his shoes. Right, they were making out when they came here, grabbing at each other's clothes hungrily, Hawks hadn't even noticed Enji taking his preppy shoes off. Look how the turntables, or the tableturns, or something like that. Hawks can't really remember.

He's just staring at Enji, not speaking a word, nor moving. How could he think that? Why would Hawks ever not want to see him? He spent twenty-three whole years of his life with Enji on his mind, doesn't Enji see how much he means to him?

"Good night Hawks."

Enji says, and opens the front door. He holds Hawks' gaze again, takes him in as he's standing in the open kitchen area in front of a counter. Hair toussled and a couple of shirt buttons popped open, exposing his pretty torso. Wings hanging on the either side of him, feathers brushing against the ground like curtains.

His gorgeous Little Bird, looking so detached. So far away now, like if Enji tried to take a last-minute turn and go back to him he'd never be able to reach him, distance stretching between them like hallways in nightmares.

Enji clears his throat. He can't say it doesn't hurt, but his gut tells him that this is the right thing to do. That Hawks is too young and too pure to be with anyone like him, that if he dances around the fire he'll eventually get himself burnt.

Enji made a promise long ago to never let that happen again, never be that guy again. He swallows the lump in his throat. This is for Hawks' own good.

"I'm sorry."

He says, and then he's out the door, shutting it behind after he disappears. Hawks stares after him. Stares into the empty space of his entreé no longer occupied by the big man who should look so out of place but looks more like home than anything else in the cramped apartment, stares into the void.

Endeavour just broke up with him. Hawks no longer belongs to him, no longer has him. This is it. Huh.

He thought he'd feel... Well, not like this? Of course he had thought about Endeavour breaking up with him, because who would actually want to keep him, really. And Endeavour, of all people? Hah. Stupid bird brain.

Hawks doesn't move, just blinks. He can't really feel his legs, or his face, or anything, really. He wonders whether this is how Kurogiri feels, like a black hole.

The kitchen clock ticks and tocks and ticks and tocks and ticks and tocks. It's getting late. Hawks should probably head to bed, he's got work tomorrow.

First he hums, moving his lips. They kind of tingle, can still feel Enji's teeth on them if he presses his tongue a little harder. Makes him grin a little, like he was drunk, and stupid. He figures he actually has to use at least a few body parts, wings included of course, if he wants to make it to the bed. Right.

He tries moving is shoulders, and then elbows, then wrists. Alright, everything's working. What about legs? Knees, ankles, toes. Good to go. Wings? Left wing, right wing, feathers and pins. Cool. He's not as disassociated as he thought, now comes the part where he moves everything at once.

Tmp, tmp, tmp; Hawks walks to his bed. Alone.

He lies down on his silk sheets. They're new, Enji bought them, because he likes how it feels on his skin. He'd told Hawks he's slept in silk his whole life, hah, talk about spoiled. Hawks faintly smiles when he thinks about a young Enji, maybe in his teens or early twenties, lying in his expensive silk sheets, in silk pijamas even. Oh God that's so hot.

If he could go back in time he'd let that twenty-something Enji plow him into his silk sheets, and then maybe he'd return the favour, spread his thighs and whisper all sorts of things into his ear that he knows Enji's into, take his inexperienced ass apart. Oh fuck oh God fuck.

Though Enji did get married in his early twenties, so maybe he wouldn't let Hawks have his way with him like that. Wouldn't want him like he wants him now. Come to think of it, Endeavour doesn't want him now either. Hawks' boner dies a sad death.

He should sleep. He can physically feel just exactly how tired he is, he'd had a long day and was kind of looking forward to spending his night with Enji, but here he is, alone in his house. And sleep is not even close. Hawks stares up at his ceiling. Underneath his palms lies the silk mattress, he absentmindedly plays with it, tugs at it.

Moon light and street lights and car headlights cast shadows inside his dark room. Appearing and disappearing. Hawks watches them for a while.

He doesn't know for how long he does that, zoned out, no thoughts head empty, just shadows in the room. Maybe an hour, maybe another one on top of that. His stomach grumbles. Hm. What should he have for breakfast the next morning? Maybe Enji will drop by and bring him pastry from that one bakery, oh those were good.

But wait, Enji is not going to join him tomorrow for breakfast. Or any other following days, for the matter. Because they've broken up. Which means no more breakfasts together. Oh.

Oh.

They've broken up. It finally sinks in, the reality of the situation. A weight builds up on top of his chest, growing and getting heavier by the minute, and then it's crushing him. And not in a good way. And Hawks can't breathe.

He gasps, for air, for anything. His sheets smell like Enji, his clothes smell like Enji. Every bit of him belongs too apparently to him it hurts not to be his anymore. Like an abandoned dog. And he can still feel his presence everywhere, all over himself.

Oh God, here comes the tears. Hawks can't stop the squeal that escapes his lips, nor the pathetic waves of whimpers following close behind. Now he can feel his body, can feel everything all at once, and everything he feels hurts. He curls up in shock, because he's never felt this way before.

Sure he's had his fair share of breakups, but none of them were serious relationships begin with. Maybe this wasn't serious either, because in the end Hawks never looked Enji in the eyes and asked 'what am I to you', because he'd never do that. Because he's scared of his answer.

Because Enji will never love him.

He slaps a hand into his mouth, can't stand hearing himself like this. But the tears won't stop either, nor the trembling, or the spasms in his chest.

When he tries to claw at the sheets it gets worse, everything in his room smells like Enji, hell he even has a couple of clothes left lying around here on his floor somehwere. Like that tank top from the other day. Hawks twists and turns, sobbing helplessly, he can't stop, he can't stop.

He cries himself to a point of exhaustion where he can't even breathe properly anymore, and passes out into sleep.

-

The morning after feels worse than a really bad hangover. Everything aches both on the inside and on the outside, and Hawks is overwhelmed with nausea. Despite his bodily pains he manages to fly himself into the bathroom and puke his guts out into the toilet bowl, tears running down his cheeks. Fuck.

For the first time in years Hawks calls in sick. The Hero Comission are pissed off about it, they even send someone over to check on him, to see if he's really bad enough to take a day off.

Hawks knows his way around his body, but he already looks terrible enough, and the agent finds him by the toilet bowl too, mid-throw up. He leaves as quickly as he comes, telling Hawks to be better by tomorrow. Hah. As if Hawks doesn't want that too. The audacitiy of these people, he swears...

Hawks takes his time, takes it easy. Crawls around in his flat like an insect, rolls around on the floor. Doesn't know what to do with himself. He snails into the kitchen, crawls on top of the kitchen counter.

The last time he was sitting on this exact spot he had Enji between his legs, mouthing at his neck and calling him his pretty Little Bird, letting Hawks rut against his rock-solid abs, the body hair down his happy trail tickling the sensitive skin of Hawks' cock. Present day Hawks presses the heels of his palms into his eye sockets in frustration. Fuck. Fuck.

He makes himself a large bowl of cereal, pours the milk first, and remembers how hard that little thing grinds Enji's gears. They argued over that once. He feels himself chuckle, but then it dies on his tongue. Maybe he should just drink coffee and go on with his day, doesn't think his stomach can handle anything anyway.

Enji would scold him if he's not eating well. But Enji's not here to scold him anymore. Hawks makes himself some coffee, and after zoning out for a good five minutes staring blankly at the cereal bowl he dumps the bevarage into the mix as well. He's having cereal coffee today, it seems.

Hawks cleans up the apartment after that pathetic excuse of a breakfast. He doesn't know what else to do, he doesn't know. He's never been this not-busy before. Never been so alone, always had company, good or bad. Hawks stacks Enji's clothes in a pile by the corner of his bed. Doesn't really know what to do with them either.

He walks around the cramped apartment for no reason at all. He's never really been here without purpose. Everything feels off. Like this isn't even his flat to begin with.

Hawks rearranges some of his figurines. He absentmindedly caresses the Endeavour collectibles, which are the majority of his stuff anyway. He remembers how awkward and self-conscious he felt when he first invited the Flame Hero to his apartment, scared of his reaction to his fanboy stuff. Surprisingly enough it had pulled a laugh out of the old man, music to Hawks' eyes and ears.

Hawks loves him so much. When Endeavour scolds him, yells at him, kisses him, laughs for him, touches him, blooms for him -- Hawks loves him. Hawks loves him, that's what he realizes. It's not a childish crush, not admiration for an idol, nothing less than wholehearted love.

Takami Keigo is in love with Todoroki Enji.

The tears come back, he doesn't even have the time to put up a front. Within a moment he's curled up on his bed again, hiccupping and wailing as he cries into the sheets, holding onto the Endeavour figurines for dear life, knuckles turning white from his grip.

-

Hawks cannot stay at home like this again, all alone with his thoughts as his only company, that's what he also learns that day.

The next morning he takes his time getting ready, takes his time having breakfast and watching the news, takes his time to keep his mind busy. It's time to be his old self again; carefree and playful Hawks who doesn't even get fazed by near-death experiences. And he tries. He's been taught well, he knows he can fool anyone that crosses his path. Hah. Maybe even the great Number One himself.

He has a habit of doing even the most minimal tasks, helping old ladies, saving dogs, carrying shopping bags; same old, same old. No one bats an eye. He smiles, poses with his fans, chats up retail workers, annoys his little intern.

He's fine. At least he looks like it. That's what matters. That's what he wants people to see, silly little bird, doing his silly little bird things. Spreading his wings and flying around, that's what the Number Two Hero does on the daily.

He gets on all the paperwork he's terribly behind on. Endeavour has warned him about those pesky little things, numerous times. The old man even reprimanded him for it once, didn't let Hawks contact him until he was done with the papers. Kissed him from head to toe to reward him for his hard work afterwards, oh Hawks remembers that one as though it was only yesterday. Endeavour kissed every inch of him with his scorching mouth, hot and sweet, made him squirm, begging for more.

Hawks would do all the paperwork in the world if it would get Enji to kiss him again, want him again.

He wasn't scared then, but maybe he should've been. Maybe Enji was genuinely annoyed with his lack of self-discipline. Maybe he gave so many signs and Hawks simply ignored them. Maybe everything has been in his head all along, maybe Enji never really wanted to do this, any of this. Maybe it was a rash decision, a moment of weak wills and lust taking over. And the rest was curiousity, fun, basic sexual craving that he hasn't recieved since the divorce, and maybe even long before that. For four whole months. Maybe that was just that, and Hawks made himself believe there was something else to it.

He slams his forehead against his papers and curses himself for being so whipped. Even his mousepad is Endeavour merch, though unofficial, because he knows Enji would never in a million years allow his staff to release a bara tiddies wrist rest mousepad of himself.

Hawks also very clearly remembers the mortified expression on Enji's face when he first saw it, and how he wiped the grin right off of Hawks' face with another steamy kiss. Literally and figuratively. Gave him just what he wanted for so long but was hesitant to ask for; let him rut against his enormous badoonkers after fucking him stupid into his study desk. The unreadable expression on his face as he quietly and motionlessly watched Hawks pleasure himself into oversensitivity, the way he made Hawks feel so vulnerable and even more naked and exposed than he already was with the intensity in his icy blue eyes. Fucking hell.

Hawks seriously can't take another crying fit right now. He hates how his entire life revolves around Endeavour, every single one of his memories have him in them one way or another. Maybe he should start getting used to not thinking about him, because he's never going to have him again.

He wishes he could go back to the days only seeing him from afar was enough. He misses not knowing how it felt like to be held by him, he misses not knowing the steady rhythm of his heartbeat banging against his eardrums. He wishes he had never been his little bird, only because he will never be his little bird again.

Then he regrets those thoughts too. Because whether he likes it or not, Enji is too dear to him to let go. Fuck.

-

Paper work is fucking boring and is doing Hawks more bad than good. He keeps getting distracted, or zoning out, because he has the attention span of an average chicken. And when his mind is not busy with anything it drifts right back to his most favourite thing in the world; Endeavour. Hawks doesn't get much paper work done over the course of three days.

He has League business on Thursday, and Hawks spends the entire Wednesday night meditating and working out. He can't pull up to Shigaraki's front porch looking miserable and with his guard all the way down low.

It's been eight days since Endeavour broke up with him, but his life goes on whether he likes it or not. The Hero Comission never knew about his relationship, and even if they did they still wouldn't cut him any slack for being heartbroken.

So Hawks picks up his shambles, glues them back together. Meditates. Ends up crying halfway through his first few attempts, but manages to pull through in the end. Because he has to. Because that's what he trained for. Because this is who he is.

When he meets up with Spinner at the designated spot it's a little past dusk. Hawks lands right in front of him, grinning smugly. Spinner rolls his eyes before leading the way to the headquarters.

Hawks has been there before a lot of times, but Shigaraki still doesn't trust him enough to have him come to the headquarters directly. Hawks understands, really. Shigaraki tries his best, that Hawks can give him credit for. Though he's always a step ahead, or so he likes to believe he is.

They have a little chit chat. Dabi lights a smoke for Twice while Toga tries to stab Hawks a few times; same old, same old. Fun times with the gang.

After a little discussion of evil plans and Hawks spilling a couple of beans, Shigaraki is done with him, and Hawks decides to stick around a little longer just to kill his time. He's got nothing better to do anyway.

"Gloomy today aren't you, Birdie?"

Dabi approaches him. Hawks has his back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and wings pulled close to his tense body. He gives Dabi a side-eye, a teasing smirk on his lips that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Interested in making my mood better?"

He flirts, eyeing Dabi up and down suggestively before sending a wink his way. Dabi's face doesn't change, stoic and unfazed against Hawks' plays.

Something about him has always been a bit off to Hawks, a bit odd, a little enticing, interesting. Though he can't put a finger to it, not yet at least. The more he looks into his icy blue eyes the more he loses himself in them, like a moth to a flame, a sailor to a siren call. Something about them draws him in.

"I'll pass."

Dabi says finally, cold as he always is even though he lets Hawks take his time ogling him.

But then, for the first time ever, he stares back. Eyes Hawks up and down, scrutinizing him. When he squints his eyes a little Hawks' cock awkwardly throbs. What the actual fuck you gay penis, Hawks mentally scolds it again.

"Dry spell?"

Dabi asks nonchalantly after a beat of silence, and Hawks' eyes grow wide from the unexpected question, a little scandalized if he has to admit. Pulls a soulless little smirk from the emo corpse boy. The villian crowds more into his personal space, hands shoved inside his pockets, looking so disinterested in anything but pulling another reaction out of the Wing Hero, though half-heartedly.

"Looking extra twitchy, 's all."

Dabi says then. Hawks watches his icy blue eyes trail along his face as he tilts his head from one side to the other, and he has to squeeze his fists not to squirm under the pressure. This is different. This is not how Dabi looks at him, those are not his eyes. Icy blue yet fierce, piercing. Just like the ones he loves so much. Just like Enji. Hawks almost pulls a muscle when he snaps his neck swiftly to the other side, breaking the uncomfortable eye contact.

"None of your business."

He snarls. From the corner of his vision he sees Dabi's eyebrows shooting up, a wider grin stretching over his lips. Shit. Hawks takes a deep breath and collects himself again, he can't mess anything up right now. His mission is more important than his pathetic feelings. So he twists and turns, challengenly leaning closer to Dabi.

"Unless you want it to be."

He tries again, voice an octave lower as he tries to shamelessly flirt his way out of the situation. Dabi's face twists unpleasantly, like he bit into a lemon. He steps away, turning his back and getting ready to desert him.

"Find another hole to stick your dick into."

Maybe Hawks should really do that. Maybe that'll help. Maybe some physical affection and sex will solve all his problems. He wouldn't know, never felt this way before. But maybe it's worth a try. Maybe if he has other hands and mouths on him his body will eventually forget how good it feels to be owned by Endeavour.

"Maybe I should."

He hums, and Dabi gives him a very unimpressed look, crossing his arms over his chest sassily. Hawks snorts.

"What's with the look? Weren't you the one who suggested I do that a minute ago?"

He levitates off the ground a little, lying down mid-air before twisting his body upside down to hover over Dabi. Hawks grins, openly mocking the pierced villain, and finding great amusement in it too. He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

"Didn't take you for a prude."

He jabs. Dabi has never looked so bored the entire time Hawks has known him. He pushes past the Wing Hero like he doesn't even exist, completely ignoring his presence.

"Am not. You're not my type."

"And what is your type?"

Hawks tries again, grinning as he pokes into Dabi's pet peeves, pushing on all the buttons at once. Dabi stops, breathes out an amused smirk from his nostrils, and then turns to look over his shoulder at Hawks, eyes as lifeless and distant as ever. And icy blue.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Feather Boy?"

From the other corner of the room Twice bursts into laughter.

-

Against his better judgement, Hawks decides to listen to Dabi's advice. Or whatever it was.

He spends the next morning overworking himself, rushing to the most minimal emergencies and working out a little after work hours. He's lost a significant amount of feathers, but nothing troubling. If anything he has an easier time in the shower, and preening and tending to his feathers takes a lot less time too.

Hawks dresses up and leaves his house. He's never really done this, if he has to be honest. Sure he experimented with acquintances and some pro heroes, had his fair share of Hero Comission agents. But this feels different, and unfamiliar. Tmp, tmp, tmp. Hawks walks into a bar.

What did Enji tell him in his break up speech? That Hawks was too young, and was just a boy. Sure. Maybe Hawks should be just that. Do silly things that people his age do. Drink and chat up strangers, take them home for a one night stand, never see them ever again. What's more fun than stirring up a little drama, causing a couple of scandals? It's not like he never danced around the topic of his sexuality on his social media and interviews.

The Comission can always clean up after him anyway. It's not like they can do anything to him right now, not when he's the only one who can casually stroll into the League of Villains hideout just to chill on their couches and steal their food. For the first time in forever Hawks has the upperhand, and he's so going to exploit it to the brim.

So he drinks. Chats up the bartender, tries to hide his wings but miserably fails. It's not easy to go incognito when you have those bad boys hanging off your back. He doesn't care, about image or reputation, doesn't care.

The night goes on, and so do the drinks, though he's careful enough. Someone around his age pulls up to the stool next to him, a dude a little buffer than he is, red hair and blue eyes; just his type. Hawks chats him up too, lets his gaze linger a little longer than necessary, intentions clear. Takes the guy by surprise, though Hawks understands, despite his popularity the public doesn't know much about his personal life. The guy buys him a drink, Hawks buys him the next, and then another.

They stumble into Hawks' apartment, tipsy and horny, rutting against pant legs impatiently for a little friction. Hawks figures maybe he shouldn't have taken that guy here, mostly because he's a government agent and there are confidential files lying around in his apartment, but also because he's not exactly comfortable with the idea of having a strange lay where used to be Enji's spot in his bed.

This is it, he figures, the first step of getting over the love of his life. Letting strangers cloud into what's left of him. Hawks can try his best shot.

So they claw at one another's clothes, leave a trail behind as Hawks guides the guy into his bedroom. A clash of teeth and lips, rough kisses not as scorching as Hawks prefers them. He lets the guy have his way, bite on his shoulders and along his chest as he goes down, one hand stroking Hawks' cock lazily. When he takes Hawks' cock into his mouth Hawks reaches into his bedside drawer and shuffles around for the lube. Enji took his sweet time fucking him these past months, the bottle is almost empty. When he tosses the bottle to the stranger in his bed the guy chuckles.

"Didn't know you had so much time for this kind of stuff, Number Two."

He teases, Hawks forces a grin.

"It's mostly me and my hand."

He lies easily, and the guy licks a long stripe along his shaft.

"Gonna give you what you need then."

He promises. Hawks almost laughs. If only he knew.

Click, spurt, clank. Fingers brush against his hole. One, and a two, and a hungry tongue running down his cock. Hawks should be in ecstasy, he knows what he likes, and this guy is doing exactly that. But he's quiet, body twitching unintentionally from the sensations sure, but Hawks can't exactly get his head in the game.

"Never thought you'd be the quiet type."

The guy comments as he edges Hawks further, massaging his prostate and stroking his cock. Hawks breathes out a laugh, bucking his hips into the guy's hands.

"Get that a lot."

The dude snorts before diving in again, taking Hawks down his throat before pulling back up. Hawks sighs.

Another finger joins the other two, and soon enough Hawks is prepared neatly. He appreciates the guy, really, he's doing everything right. The problem is with Hawks himself, and how he can't really get the hype after having gotten a taste of the best of the best. It's like his body has re-shaped into Endeavour's hold, pleasure points re-arranged into his touch. God he misses him so much. A pathetic squeal escapes his lips.

"Liked that?"

The dude comments, voice raspy. Hawks nods, doesn't have anything else to tell the guy.

And then he slides home, filling Hawks nicely, and it's good enough distraction. Hawks lets his body relax, closes his eyes, tries to focus on the pleasure. Hands tangle into his hair, and then there are lips on his lips. The pace is nice, the guy's a good kisser too, and Hawks appreciates the tug in his hair.

"Faster, faster.."

He hears himself whisper, beg. Faster, harder, anything to get his mind off Endeavour, anything to stop him thinking, anything to get him to ignore the dissatisfaction. And the guy complies; harder, faster, biting down on his lips as he fucks up into his prostate.

"Yeah... Yeah... Like that..."

Like that. That's where it feels better, that's where he can lose his focus and find it elsewhere, that's how it goes. The guy talks to him, but Hawks can't really hear a word he's saying. Lies there like a pillow princess, hips rolling impulsively to chase the rough pleasure, but doing nothing else at all.

"Fuck! Hawks, I'm close--"

"Yeah daddy, give it to me..."

He moans without thinking, in his clouded state he calls for Enji, hears his voice against his ear. And then his eyes snap open. Because he's not with Enji right now, he's with a stranger, a stranger he just called daddy. The dude is staring at him too, a little mortified, but sex is too good to dwell on it. So he closes his eyes shut, pretending it didn't happen, and Hawks is ready to do that too.

His one night stand spills into the condom, Hawks doesn't orgasm. As the guy comes down from his high Hawks tries to stroke himself into completion, letting the guy stay inside until he finally decides to give up. The dude pulls out, lies down next to Hawks and pants. Hawks closes his eyes. What the hell does he think he's doing, really. This was a terrible idea.

The guy leaves after he collects himself, and Hawks is once again alone in his bed. Maybe it's for the better. He takes a shower and changes the sheets before lying back down. He grabs his phone and scrolls through his social media. Endeavour has done did some stuff today. Hawks scrolls through the photos, pictures of him standing tall and strong, flames all over his gorgeous face and hero suit hugging his curves and bumps and muscles just right. Fuck.

Hawks's cock throbs. Maybe he should've expected that. He got his ass throughoutly railed but no, it's the Endeavour picture that does it. Before his mind registers what he's doing, Hawks' body moves on its own, and he wraps a hand around his sorry boner. He's not exactly embarrassed, he's spent his fair share of time masturbating to Endeavour, this is no stranger to him.

So Hawks scrolls through the Endeavour tag, looking at his pictures and zooming into his icy blue eyes, pathetic as he moans and wails in his bed with his cock in his other hand. Calling out for him as he hits climax; Enji, Enji, Enji.

-

A couple of days pass since the one night stand incident. Hawks doesn't really know how to feel knowing that his sheets no longer smell like Enji. He pulls through though, that's what he does. Goes on with his day, goes on with his business. He doesn't leave Kyushu, Enji doesn't come to Kyushu. They don't cross paths, or hear from each other. Hawks stalks the Endeavour tag though, because old habits die hard.

On Wednesday, October 3rd, he's with the league. Toga has made everyone wear pink for some reason, and Hawks plays along as well. Yahoo, colourful clothes. Look how happy he is. On the bright side he doesn't look as ridiculous as Dabi. He flies up to him again, a devilish grin on his face. Apparently annoying the shit out of Dabi is his only income of seretonin these days.

"Looking good princess."

He greets him. Dabi doesn't bother greeting him back. Hawks starts flying around him slowly, in circles, like a vulture.

"You still haven't told me your type."

"Blonde. Red Wings. Short. Dead."

"Yikes."

He doesn't think Dabi is joking with the last part. And then Dabi turns to him, staring into his soul. Icy blue, icy blue, icy blue. Hawks stares back.

"What's yours?"

Should he be honest? What's the worse that can happen, he figures. But on the other hand it might be dangerous to let Dabi know he really admires Endeavour. Hawks smirks, hiding behind layers of fake emotion.

"50 year olds."

The corner of Dabi's lips tug a little upwards, amused with the answer.

"Little Bird's got daddy issues?"

His voice drops an octave, and Hawks feels himself shiver. He frowns, at the feeling, but then it disappears.

"Depends. Would you like it if I called you daddy?"

He jabs, and all amusement and humour is wiped off of Dabi's scorched face in an instant. Victory for the Birb Boi.

"Go rent an ossan and get off my back already."

Dabi grunts, rolling his eyes and shooing Hawks away, already bored with him.

-

Hawks can't believe he's taking Dabi seriously yet once again, but here he is; on a date with a forty-seven year old escort he rented. Fuck.

It's like ever since Endeavour has left him Hawks has gradually been becoming more and more of a bad decision factory.

The guy is actually pretty chill. They have easy conversation going, they drink and eat and chat, and it almost feels like having takoyaki with Endeavour. Except it's not. Though the more they drink the more they talk, and at some point Hawks spills a couple of beans about his current situation, without giving names of course. And the man is kind enough to listen and comfort him. Well, that's what Hawks pays for, but still.

At the end of the night Hawks walks the old man to his bus stop. It feels weird. He expected this to be a lot different from the way Dabi put it, but turns out Ossan Rental is simply spending time with senior citizens. That little punk ass bitch sure runs his mouth on things he doesn't know about, Hawks should've known better than to take the word of a manipulative liar. At least he got to talk about what's been bothering him to a complete stranger, so he's got that going for him, which is nice.

Tmp, tmp, tmp. Hawks walks into a bar.

He takes an older man home that night, someone in his early fourties, most likely. Someone with blue eyes and a muscle quirk, nicely built and almost familiar to touch, Hawks indulges himself in it. The man calls him a little twink and Hawks allows him, lets the man rough him up, fuck him against the sheets and use him as a cockwarmer afterwards. He pulls another orgasm out of the guy as he rides him, rolling his hips against his pubes. But it's not enough.

"You sure do love Endeavour."

The man comments after his post-orgasmic high wears off, he's lying in Hawks' bed, scanning his Endeavour figurines and random merchandise scattered across the room. Hawks' cock is still hard, and he's lazily playing with it while looking at the Endeavour collectibles as well. The man next to him notices, pulls a little laugh out of him.

"Maybe a little too much for your own good. Aren't you two colleagues?"

Hawks shrugs, not looking at him.

"We're not exactly close."

He replies instead. It's easy to lie, easy to hide himself, easy to fake. Unlike when he's with Enji, where he's not the engineered public persona but his actual self. God he misses him so much.

"'s That why you lay with old men?"

"Suppose so."

Comfortable silence. Hawks doesn't think he actually has to tell the man to leave, but the guy doesn't look quite done with him just yet. He turns to look at him, and the man returns the gaze.

"You didn't come."

"It happens."

Another silence. The man sits up.

"I can pretend to be him if it'll make you feel good."

Hawks blinks. Would it even work? Should he be exposing himself to this random stranger? Maybe he's out of his damn mind, because his eyes dart to the pile of Endeavour's clothes at the corner of his room.

"Give me a second."

Hawks says then, and he slips off the bed. Grabs one of Enji's tight fitting shirts and grey sweatpants, returns to the bed. Dumps them on the man's lap. The man doesn't question him. Hawks then picks up one of the bigger Endeavour figurines and hands it over to the man again, looking away.

"This is the most accurately carved Endeavour figurine."

"You got bad brains, boy."

The man comments. A shiver runs down Hawks' spine at the name.

"But I ain't judgin'."

The man adds. Hawks looks away as the man dresses up, examines the figurine and slowly morphs his muscles in place to have his body shape.

"Come,"

The man tells him, and Hawks complies. If he keeps his eyes closed shut it almost feels like he's with Enji again, gotta appreciate the man's craftsmanship of his own body. The clothes smell like Enji, and when he feels around the body feels like Enji too. Hawks gasps.

"Chase it birdie."

The man murmurs, and Hawks nods. He knows a man that age can't get it up so easily so soon, but he makes do with the lubed fingers massaging his prostate, and he ruts against the tight fitting shirt on top of a body shape so familiar it feels surreal. Hawks indulges himself in the pleasure, lets his imagination run wild. He grips onto the man's shoulders with his fingertips, palms pressed against his chest packs. And oh God, it almost feels real. Hawks whines.

"Enji--"

He gasps, the man doesn't speak. Hawks is grateful. He presses his face into the shirt, gripping for dear life as he rocks his hips, wings fluttering behind and an orgasm builds as the man fingers him the way he likes.

"Enji, Enji Daddy--"

Hawks chirps, choking on the last syllable. The man caresses his waist, holds him in place. It feels real, it feels too real, if Hawks tries hard enough he can even lie to himself.

"Daddy, Daddy, Ah!"

He whines, moans spilling from his lips as he rocks, Enji's scent right under his nose. Feels so good, feels so good.

"Oh, Daddy I'm going to come! Daddy I'm coming! Oh please!"

He whines, tears prickling againt the pits of his eyes. The knots and twists in his stomach feels familiar, the pressure on his waist feels familiar, he feels so good, so good wrapped in his lies and fantasies. He thinks about Enji, holding him in place and fingering him, prodding at his prostate relentlessly, milking him. Hawks would bloom for Enji, Hawks would always bloom for Enji. He can almost hear his voice again, calling out to him, telling him to come, come on Little Bird, let me see you.

"Daddy oh fuck! Daddy, Enji Daddy fuck I'm coming!"

Hawks squeals, and then he's spilling out with an obscene moan, borderline pornographic as he tips back, almost folding in half. His eyes roll back and his wings flutter as he rocks through the aftershocks, the fingers up his ass milking him throughoutly. He chants Endeavour's name like a mantra, calling out for him, he needs him, needs him so much.

Tears spill down his cheeks with the intensity of his orgasm, and then he topples forward with a cough, throat growing dry from his crying. He's crying. In the middle of an orgasm. With a stranger. Fuck.

The man pulls out his fingers, and he's also kind enough to give Hawks pats on the back and comfort him as he rocks and shakes and sobs into the man's chest. Into Endeavour's shirt that he stained with his come, into the chest that looks and feels like Endeavour's. Hawks can't stop, can't stop. He cries and cres and cries, still twitching from the orgasm's aftershocks.

The man eventually gets up to leave after Hawks assures him that he's okay, and kindly asks him to forget this ever happened. The man asks if he can keep the expensive sweatpants, Hawks tells him yes.

His legs are shaking as he makes his way to the Endeavour clothing pile again after he sends the guy off. He picks up a shirt, and crawls back into the bed. Hawks puts the shirt on one of the pillows, and cuddles the pillow close to his chest, burying his face into the fabric. Smells like him still. Hawks loves it, Hawks hates it. Hawks takes deep breaths, breathes Enji in.

Hawks cries himself to sleep again.

-

One part of Hawks is grateful for the League business for taking his mind off the happenings of his personal life, but the more sensible part of him hates everything all together. If he's only sent here to murder these bastards, why is he even getting along with them?

Hawks looks at Dabi again, into his icy blue eyes while Dabi is talking to Mister about something, and thinks about slicing his throat. Stabbing him with his feathers and pinning him to a surface, his blood staining through pins. When Dabi notices his stare he turns his head to stare back. Icy blue, icy blue, icy blue. Like ice and fire, like burning gasoline, blue flames. Maybe Dabi will be the one to end him in the end, because Hawks doesn't think his delicate feathers stand a chance against such powerful fire. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad way to go. Icy blue eyes and flames, two things he loves the most. 

Hawks blinks his eyes to snap out of it.

"You're still giving me bedroom eyes Birdie."

Dabi states matter of factly. Hawks grins again, here comes the part he crawls under this batshit motherfucker's skin.

"You still haven't taken me up on my offers."

Dabi sighs. Just when Hawks thinks this guy can't look any more disinterested and done, Dabi manages to look even more spiritless and absolutely turned off. Now that's some good entertainment.

"Thought you were into senior citizens."

Dabi comments dully, like he already wants this conversation to be over.

"I can make an exception for you."

Dabi rolls his eyes. Toga chuckles from the distance.

"Hawks looks like he really likes you Dabi. Try giving him a chance and maybe he'll let you kill him after you're done."

She giggles excitedly, and that puts a fond smile on Dabi's face. These weirdos, Hawks swears...

"That... Actually kind of sounds fun."

Dabi comments then.

-

Hawks is at the bar again, by himself, and half a glass of whiskey. Because that's how they roll in Kyushu.

He's thinking about Himiko Toga. He knows that she doesn't have any other friends, gets bullied around for her weird personality, for her quirk. But then again, she's so young. These guys are, what, the youngest is in his late twenties, or that's what Hawks thinks, old. The lowest age gap must be around ten years, give or take. What is she even doing with these dudes, seriously?

And Twice? That twisted motherfucker, clearly has the hots for the little girl. And Mister Compress is no good either, even Spinner gets flustred by Toga sometimes. Hawks has witnessed their shenenigans with his own two eyes. He feels weird when he thinks about being attracted to anyone younger than him. Then he wonders whether this is how Enji felt about him too.

Is this why he left him? Because he felt creepy, because Hawks is exactly half his age, even a few days younger than his own kid? That's what he said, didn't he. That's what he must've meant then. Is it really that bad that Hawks is younger? He's not a child, he knows Endeavour knows that too, he's proved himself as a perfectly capable pro-hero to him too.

He remembers how impressed Enji was that one time Hawks was explaining a situation to his staff at the agency, informing them about the stuff Hero Comission wanted him to talk about. All serious and business mode on, got people in the mood too. He could tell from the way their gazes shifted. As much as he likes to take it easy Hawks also enjoys his fair share of professional control.

Enji apparently had enjoyed it too. Grew harder the more Hawks spoke, couldn't even wait to get home or to his office after the meeting and fucked Hawks raw against the table, bruising his waist and hips with his grip. That's how much Hawks excited him. And maybe it was just for that day, just because Hawks was all professional. Maybe that's what Enji's into. Maybe he never really liked Hawks.

Dangerous thoughts, dangerous thoughts. Let's not cry in the middle of the bar.

"Yoo! Isn't that Hawks!?"

Someone yells a couple of tables behind. Hawks easily slides on his fake smile, turning on his stool to greet the fans. He's greeted back with a birthday cake, and a white haired boy with freckles on his cheeks. And blue eyes. Jesus fucking Christ.

"Hey Hawks! It's our friend's birthday, do you mind if we take a few pics together?"

Hawks eyes the birthday cake, it's huge, and looks delicious. On top of it are candles, and the number nineteen, and sparklers; burning. Hawks gets up from his seat.

"Your drinks are on me tonight, happy birthday!"

He congratulates the birthday boy, and the boy beams at him. Oh, Hawks recognizes that look. Knows it all too well, in all degrees of intensity. That's how he used to look at Endeavour; the first time he saw him from afar, the first time he met him, the first time they talked. Youth and naïveté at it's best, at the very core.

Hawks suddenly wants to ruin this kid. Maybe he's been hanging out with the League too much.

They take a few pictures, and Hawks joins their little party, drinks and eats cake and talks with the young adults. Tells them about hero life, a few anecdotes here and there, answers some of their questions. It's fun, relaxing, gets his mind off things.

At the end of the night the birthday boy is still staring at him, Hawks noticed his gaze lingering all night, never once looking away. He knows how it feels, he knows how it goes. And he's not as good as people think he is, not thoughtful enough for anyone other than himself, so selfish at his core. Selfish enough to carelessly cause scandals, selfish enough to smile at Fuyumi's face while trying to destroy Endeavour's marriage for good, selfish, selfish Little Bird. That's who he is.

Hawks takes the birthday boy home.

He's clearly inexperienced, though not a virgin. He knows what he wants, Hawks gives him what he wants. Kisses down his neck and rolls his nipples around his tongue, gives him little hickeys when he asks nicely. He's never slept with fans before, never wanted to, never saw the appeal in that. Fans are supposed to support you from afar. Maybe that's why Enji left him too, because Hawks was a mistake.

Tonight he wants to feel that, wants to understand, wants to feel like him. He does what the birthday boy wants, indulges into his fanboy fantasies, spices it up with some of his own, he knows what a fanboy would need in the end. Makes him come untouched the first time from prostate simulation, and overworks him through a second orgasm as he eats him out and jerks him off with his other hand. Eats up his moans, whines, whimpers; Hawks, Hawks, Hawks. Keeps the lights off and gives him what he likes. His moans taste like birthday cake.

Then they're switching places, gives the boy the permission to touch him, explore him. Is this how Enji feels too? Is this what it is? Has it always been so simple for him too? Just blessing a fanboy with his presence? Hawks has a hard time keeping the cake and drinks down as nausea washes over him from the unpleasant twists in his stomach.

So the boy touches him. Tugs on his wings and sucks on his skin, mouths on his thighs so long he drools all over the place. Never shuts up with the compliments, honest confessions. Hawks lets him take him into his mouth, finds humour in his filthy moans as the boy drags his cock around his mouth. Is that how he looks too when he's nuzzling against Endeavour's crotch with stars in his eyes? Does Endeavour also feel so distant and neutral when Hawks feels so much all at once?

They take their time playing around. The boy has the sex drive of a puma, and Hawks has an orgasmic dysfunction, apparently. They can go all night. They do go all night. Hawks thinks about himself. How would he feel if Endeavour took his inexperienced ass home and fucked him into the mattress all night, took his sweet time playing with him, let him touch him however he wanted. The thought makes his cock throb, and he whimpers submissively, fucking into the boy's hot mouth. The boy's eyes grow wide in excitement. Hawks breathes out a sad little laugh.

Birthday boy finishes inside his mouth, Hawks lets the come trickle down his chin to make up for his lack of interest to swallow. They make out a little, get a little touchy-feely, Hawks feels like a teenager. He lets the boy bend him over and finger him until he's hard again, then fuck him into the bed sheets and tug on his wings as he chases his high. Lets him eat him out right after, roughing him up just enough to actually pull a dry orgasm out of him. Hawks watches the focused look on the boy's face as he thrashes around, bucking his hips up for friction as he comes. He knows from experience that what he just saw will forever be engraved in the boy's memories.

The boy stays the night, because Hawks is too tired to kick him out, and he's too tired to leave.

-

Hawks wakes up earlier than the birthday boy, of course. He cleans up a little, butt naked, and makes himself coffee. Waits for the boy to wake up so that he can kindly kick him out. Like the absolute gentleman he is.

Around eight AM there are knocks on his front door. Hawks pulls on one of Enji's baggy shirts, because he's too lazy to put anything else on, feeling a little sexy and free today along with a side of depressed. No one really visits him anyway, so whoever is at his door has probably seen Hawks naked at least once. They can handle a little semi-nudity.

When he pulls open the door Endeavour is there. Hawks freezes. Shit.

"You should leave."

Is how he greets him. Panicking, because damn it, out of all the days he could've come he chooses to come when he had his damn one night stand crashing in. And he opened the door in his bedhead, most likely reeking of sex. And alcohol. Shit, he's hungover too. Should probably pop a painkiller soon.

Endeavour is staring at him. Hawks squirms under his gaze. He wants to grab him by his collar and drag him inside, eat his cock for breakfast, and as a painkiller. Hell, he doesn't even have bottomwear on right now. If he maybe bends over a little--

"They told me to drop these papers. I'll see you at the meeting."

Enji grunts through gritted teeth, looking anywhere but Hawks. Oh. He knows. He knows what Hawks has been up to, knows what he did last night. Hawks can tell, can read him like a crystal ball and Enji can read him too. Hawks' heart throbs, squeezes inside his chest. Fuck Fuck Fuck. Everything hurts. He messed up. He messed up big time.

"Thanks."

Hawks says awkwardly, not looking at him as he takes the papers. Their fingers almost brush, but Hawks can feel Enji's warmth taking over his body, and he almost drops the files. He grips on the door, knuckles turning white. He's more than ready to shut the door, wants this moment to be over with. Because Enji can't see him like this, at the lowest of the low. It literally can't get worse than yhis.

"Hawks-san?"

A voice calls out from inside, great timing, and Hawks freezes, so does Endeavour. Fuck.

The boy stumbles into the open kitchen area, still half-asleep and throughoutly exhausted. He's wearing his own clothes, luckily. Both Hawks and Endeavour stare at the oblivious, sleepy, white-haired, freckled boy. They watch as he walks around, looking around for Hawks, scratching his belly. Hawks' marks are too evident on his pale skin, little bite marks trailing up his thighs and peeking from his collar, hickeys on his abdomen when he tugs his shirt up. Hawks wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

The boy turns around, squinting, and then his gaze lands on the bright red wings, it softens. Trails upwards towards Hawks' bird's nest of hair, and then notices the larger man standing by the door. Moments feel like years as the boy tries to register what's going on, still too drowsy and hungover for his own good to get the brain cells working. When his own pair of blue eyes land on Endeavour's icy blue ones Enji's flames go off, covering his face and making him look even more intimidating than he already is. Fucking hell.

Hawks can feel the warmth radiating off him, and he takes a step closer towards the Flame Hero before his mind registers what he's doing.

"Enji,"

He gasps, suffocating like Enji is air and Hawks will die if he doesn't reach him. Endeavour looks down, looks at Hawks' trembling body desperately clinging onto the door, and then back at the boy inside the house. He lowers the flames' intensity, but doesn't turn them completely off. Hawks is going to have to take what he can have.

He swallows down the lump in his throat, and turns to Endeavour, unable to look him in the eyes. His entire body burning; in shame and in desire at the same time. If only Enji was his--

"Please leave."

Hawks manages to say, voice weak and cracking at the edges as he begs. His mind won't shut up, and if they stay like this he's going to break down and cry sooner or later.

He doesn't want Enji to see him like this, he doesn't want him to know what he's been doing, he doesn't want him to hate him any more than he already does. And Endeavour looks like he was half expecting this, though Hawks can feel the disappointment in his eyes as clear as a crystal. Crystal stabbing into his chest, right next to the knife Enji ground into his heart strings. Hawks wishes he could explain, but what is there to say. What can he even tell him? It's been almost a month since they broke it off.

Endeavour leaves without another word, and Hawks shuts the door behind him after his footsteps disappear.

-

Two or three days pass after the incident. Hawks spends each and every day on edge knowing that Endeavour is in his area. Miruko comes over too, for his luck, and then Edgeshot. More distraction. Good enough company. Hawks puts up his façade, laughing and joking around with his friends. Or whatever it is they are to him. Hawks likes to think that they're friends at least.

Saturday morning marks the one month anniversary of their break up. Hawks wants to spend the entire day hidden under the blankets, but unfortunately the top 10 have to meet up around 6 PM for some hero business. Which means he has to be present there, as the Number Two, and Endeavour is going to be there as well, as Number One. Just fuck his life, really.

He still hasn't touched the files Enji came by and dropped on him nearly a week ago. But he eventually has to, because this is important stuff, and the Comission will be up his ass if he doesn't. Hawks groans, and flies himself out of the bed and into the bathroom.

After freshing up a little he once again makes himself cereal, like any other perfectly capable and responsible adult, and sits on the floor by his coffee table. Files, right. Work. Hawks wonders whether they smell like Enji. He leans down and takes a sniff. Nope. Smells like regular paper. As they should be. He just did something really stupid. Like everything else he does.

He really can't deal with bad thoughts right now, like seriously he can not.

Hawks sends a feather to turn on the radio. He doesn't really listen to mainstream music, though he does keep up with what's trendy. And he also appreciates background music to fill in the silence, so that his own thoughts won't do it instead. It's not hard to focus when it's noisy.

" -- it's you I'm dreaming of "

Hah, a love song. What are the odds. The universe is just fucking with him at this point.

" They try to romance me / But you got that nasty / And that's what I want "

Hawks blinks.

" So baby, baby / Come and save me "

This is the first time he's hearing this song and he already hates it. Like everything in his life doesn't already remind him of Enji, suddenly this song decides to pop up on the radio. Great.

" Don't need those other lovers when I got my number one "

He drops the pen he's holding. Who the hell wrote this song? Why does it hurt so much to hear those words? He presses his palms into his eye sockets in frustration. Fuck. He doesn't have his Number One anymore, what now? What's gonna happen to him?

" Last night I lay in bed so blue / 'Cause I realized the truth, they can't love me like you 

I tried to find somebody new / Baby they ain't got a clue, can't love me like you "

It's so embarrassing how some random love song can wreck him like this, make him breakdown out of the blue. Fuck.

It dawns on him just how gone he is, he already knew Enji had him wrapped around his finger, he already knew he was head over heels in love with him, he already knew a lot of things about his feelings towards Endeavour. But now he realizes the truth too; that no one can ever love him like Enji. And Hawks can't love anybody else like he loves him. That's where the line is drawn, this is where it splits in half.

Maybe he's not as observant or careful as he once thought he was, maybe Endeavour is his weakness, where he loses all sense of self-control and objectiveness and dives right in. Ironic how Hawks can foresee a lot of things, clearly high above average on the brains department, and has a good eye for things. But he never even noticed his own fall. Just how deep he is at this very moment, how deep in love he is with Endeavour it's borderline insane. Unhealthy.

Because it's no longer a feeling but a part of him, a vital necessity. If Hawks doesn't have Enji to himself he'll never be happy again, never recover from the heartbreak. How did it become like this? How could he have possibly missed this? Hawks takes deep breaths, holds them in, breathes them out. Now's not the time to freak out.

His caregivers have warned him about these things. That he shouldn't have relationships, shouldn't fall in love, shouldn't feel strong feelings. Because when a hawk mates, it mates for life. They have warned him. Educated him about the nature of his quirk. It's not an uncommon thing for animal-like quirks to come with animal-like habits and instincts too. Tokoyami told him abot this frog girl in their class, Froppy, Hawks remembers. And he's seen many more first hand too.

Does that mean he's mated with Enji? When and how did his bird brain came to that conclusion? Hawks doesn't know. But that does explain his possessiveness over the old man, the way he gets antsy when Enji's not around, the way he can't stop the flaming desire in the pit of his stomach to get Enji to sign those divorce papers and drop the wife. So it's a bird thing? All this time? And Enji is literally the love of his life?

Fuck. Oh Fuck.

What the hell is he going to do? Hawks holds his face inside his palms because fuck, fuck, fuck. What the hell is he going to do?

Hawks ends up crying again. It's even worse than the past few times, this time it hurts differently, hurts a bit more. This time he's screaming into cushions and banging his head against the armrest, because he can't handle being even bigger of a mess than he already is.

What the hell is wrong with him? Why is he like this? Why did he have to be like this? He should've been more careful. He should've thought things through. He should've been more goddamn careful. They warned him, they warned him. Hawks didn't listen, Hawks never listens. They warned him. And now he's here.

The worst part about everything happening to him lately is that he still wants Enji back, that he'd do all of these again without a doubt if it means the universe can somehow give Enji back to him. Hawks misses him, and has no idea how he's going to remain cool, calm, and collected and professional in front of the man in question during the meeting today. Jesus fuck he didn't even read the files yet.

Hawks bangs his head against the armrest again. Stupid, stupid bird. Stupid Little Bird.

-

He gets a bunch of calls from The Comission throughout the rest of the day, and even a couple of agents drop by to go over the files and inform him further about the meeting. Hawks appreciates the company, Hawks always appreciates some company, good or bad. They feed him instant coffee and get him into work mode, it's easier when they're involved, because Hawks was raised on Pavlov's rules. Ring the bell, make the mutt salivate, get him to do a trick or two.

He puts on his costume, and the irritating little grin, flies to the meeting.

He has to speak a lot, address a lot of issues. They were working together on this case, Endeavour and Hawks, but they haven't talked in a month. He has no time to worry about catching up though, because Endeavour was kind enough to bring him his files, and The Commisson informed him about what he should know in addition, what he should bring to the table. Hawks spent an entire month dodging this entire mission and doing literally everything else, it's only expectant he was behind on information. But he handles it too. Because that's who he is, that's what he's made for.

Not for love, not for Enji to keep; but for the government. For missions, and hero work. Double agent business. Manipulating and lying, digging graves, as morally gray as it gets. That's who he is. Foolish of him to think Enji would want him, love him dare he say. He doesn't even know his worst parts.

It's hard to look at Endeavour in all his tall, muscular, intimidating, powerful glory. It's hard to look at the scar running down Enji's face, his icy blue eyes and the hellflame surrounding his face, flaring out of his body. It's hard to look at everything Hawks once had, hard to look at the man he loves so much. It's hard to love Enji, but oh so simple and natural at the same time. For Todoroki Enji is a lot of things, but nothing Hawks can do without.

He tries so hard to focus, and stay focused. That's the toughest part of this meeting. It's frustrating, with Enji right by his side, the warmth of his flames tickling Hawks' cheek. Hawks misses him so much, misses him, still wants him, loves him so much. Enji still wears the wedding ring, Hawks still hates it. Hawks still wants him, with or without the ring. But he has to pull through, he has to stay in business mode.

That's who he is. Wing Hero: Hawks, Number Two. Perfectly crafted by the Hero Public Safety Commission.

-

Hawks somehow, miraculously, manages to execute the meeting with Endeavour, speak to him like they're nothing more than distant colleagues, keep his cool.

He's more worried about what's to come after the meeting. They sure as hell are not going to stumble into Hawks' flat, Enji's not going to whisper praises into his skin for being so professional, not going to kiss down his neck and hold him down from his waist, which fits just right into his big palm. The thought almost makes Hawks lose his composure.

He steals a glance at Enji, sees him talking to Ryukyu over some reports. Like the old times, when Hawks watched him from afar, and Endeavour didn't even know he existed. Then Miruko throws an arm around his shoulder, snapping Hawks back.

"Alright! Take us drinking Hawks!"

She yells, enthusiastic, but also clearly in need to loosen up a little. Hawks fakes the most excited smile he can muster, grinning from ear to ear, cheeky the way Miruko likes him.

"Aye aye Madam!"

He chirps, pressing his hand to his forehead and soldier-saluting her.

"Who else is coming?"

He turns to ask casually to a room full of pro heroes, Edgeshot rolls his eyes at the audacity. Hawks knows he will join them too, so he doesn't bother commenting on his bored expression. Tsundere bastard.

Kamui Woods decides to tag along too, asking if he can invite Mt. Lady as his plus one. Obviously no one objects, they're an entertaining duo to watch. Ryukyu announces that she'll call it an early day off, and that she can't wait to go back to her hotel room and rest. Understandable, though Hawks gives her a pout, making her chuckle. He likes her.

Hawks can't stop the nervous pitter-patter of his heart as he turns to Endeavour. It's like the first time he ever saw him, but different, though feels just as far away.

"And you, Number One?"

He asks with a mocking grin. Endeavour holds his gaze for a moment, and the moment between them stretches, tensing and tensing. Miruko raises her eyebrows.

"Come on, you're the Number One Hero. You have to come."

She points a finger his way, giving him an unimpressed look, like Endeavour was playing hooky. Her cheekiness makes Endeavour's flames flare higher, and Hawks watches him in awe, a fond smile daring to break into his face. He holds it in.

"Fine. I'll come."

Endeavour grunts. Pitter patter, shutter, clatter, thump thump and a dabump badump. Hawks' own heartbeat rings inside his ears.

-

Drinks are poured, a lot of food is served. Hawks takes them to the fanciest place he can think of, Edgeshot makes a comment about Best Jeanist loving places like this. Hawks' stomach twists and churns uncomfortably. He would now, wouldn't he. Hawks pours himself another drink.

"Hawks, seriously, you should invite us to your place for dinner while we're here. You keep dodging it."

Mt. Lady says, pointing her drink his way. Edgeshot, tipsy and loose, snorts.

"He doesn't want us to see his embarrassing Endeavour collection."

Kamui Woods chuckles under his breath, while Miruko is openly cracking up. And Hawks lets himself laugh too.

"Hey, I'm a pretty transparent guy. I'm not ashamed of my Endeavour collectables."

He tries to look serious as he glares at Edgeshot, who is grinning at him. Hawks drinks whatever's left inside his glass, and shoves it in Edgeshot's direction for more.

"Unless you're embarrassed to eat with flamey chopsticks."

"You have Endeavour kitchenware!?"

Kamui Woods asks in shock, he's clearly unfamiliar with fandoms, good for him. Hawks wiggles his eyebrows.

"I have Endeavour everything."

A suggestive grin spreads across his face, and he winks at Number Five. Endeavour has been silent this entire conversation, and Hawks steals a glance his way as he raises his cup to his lips.

"Had."

He says, more to himself, and tips his drink all the way up. Opens another bottle instead of asking Edgeshot to pour him a drink, pours it himelf. Endeavour is looking at his phone, probably going through work notes. That's what he does when he doesn't want to be somewhere.

"You should be pretty excited to be working with Endeavour then, huh? Your childhood hero is now your, what, partner?"

Kamui Woods asks again, probably just trying to understand. But his words make shivers run down Hawks' spine. Partner. They are partners, technically. Work partners.

"Mhm. He's even better than I imagined too."

Hawks turns his gaze to Endeavour again. Number One hasn't drank or eaten much, three pieces of yakitori sit comfortably on his plate. Hawks stares at them.

"You're an odd one, I swear."

Mt. Lady comments before she drinks, Hawks grins sheepishly.

"What can I say, I like what I like."

He raises his eyebrows, and Mt. Lady gives him an unimpressed look. Miruko starts talking about something, but Hawks starts looking at the food on Endeavour's plate. He shouldn't be doing this, he knows. It's no good, it's stupid. But Hawks is kind of stupid too, or at least likes to pretend he is.

"Endeavour-san,"

He says then, looking at the man at the other end of the table. Endeavour turns to him, a little surprised to be addressed by him. His expression disappears, he doesn't verbally acknowledge him though. Hawks leans towards him, making his slender fingers walk on the expensive oak table all the way towards Endeavour's plate. He pokes at the yakitori sticks.

"Can I have these if you're not eating them?"

He asks. Looking up at him expectantly, looking right into his icy blue eyes and melting by their fire. Hawks can't hide how much he loves him, not anymore. Endeavour looks away.

"Do as you wish."

Hawks silently grabs the edge of his plate and slides it all the way in front of himself, already lost his apetite. He stares at the plate for a moment, at the yakitori. Sharing food is something they're used to, or used to be used to, is maybe how he should put it. Enji would never finish his food, and Hawks would always steal from his plate. He doesn't even have to ask, didn't. It's different now.

But his bird instincts tell him otherwise. That Enji sharing his food is a sign of affection, that he wants him back too. Stupid bird brain. Hawks stares some more at the yakitori before picking one up and taking a bite. His eyes dart to Endeavour, and catches him looking. Hurts so good, hurts just right. Endeavour turns away again with a grunt. Pitter patter and a shatter clutter, thunk thunk, badump. Bird heart goes brrr.

-

Hawks is not the type to play dumb, knows better than to embarrass himself, and Enji knows him better too. But tonight he is desperate, needs to have a moment with Enji alone, in private, preferably in his apartment, with Enji's tongue dipping into his clavicles. Fuck.

So Hawks laughs, giggles, pours more drinks to his colleagues and to himself too. Eats all the yakitori his heart desires. Eats Enji with his eyes the more he drinks. Chats everyone up, chirps and chirps, pulls Edgeshot up for a little dance.

At the end of the night Hawks is a drunk mess, and Endeavour ends up being the one to take him safely back home. Because nobody else knows where Hawks lives, sure, and no one else is sober enough. Except Kamui Woods, but he has a whole Mt. Lady to handle. Hawks likes to think that it's also because Enji wants to be with him too.

Hawks doesn't have to worry about anything as he stumbles into Endeavour's arms, giggling and giggling, clinging onto him.

"Endeavour-san, take me home."

He breathes, grinning from ear to ear as he snuggles further into Endeavour's chest, rubs his face into his clothes, scents him. Endeavour is so warm, so warm. Hawks feels like he had been freezing before he found him.

"So warm... So big..."

He sighs, rubbing his face harder into Endeavour's chest and those enermous hoonkerdoonkaroes of his that Hawks loves so much. He can and he will pop a boner right here, right now.

"Hawks."

Endeavour grunts, pushing him off a little, and Hawks groans.

"I'm cold."

He pouts. He knows Endeavour would never buy it, they've drunk countless times together, he must know that Hawks hasn't drank enough to be drunk. Hawks was trained for this too. Endeavour doesn't know that, but he's seen the way his Little Bird holds his liqueur. Hawks holds his breath, and waits.

Anticipation builds up, up, up. Hopes and dreams and expectations. And Enji, Enji, Enji--

Endeavour pries him off his body, takes off his coat and places it on Hawks. It's too big for him, too long, completely swallows Hawks' much smaller frame. And it smells like Enji. Hawks has to muffle a moan into the collar as Endeavour calls them taxi.

Endeavour keeps his distance, but Hawks doesn't care. Grips onto the coat and wraps it tightly around himself, rubs his face against the fabric, breathes Enji in. God he's missed him so much, so much. He's never giving this coat back. Unless he gets his Enji back. That's a fair trade. A coat for a heart. Hawks wants and wants and wants. He's so lost in his little world that he doesn't notice Endeavour's gaze lingering, watching him as Hawks squirms in his coat.

So it goes, Endeavour takes him home. The moment they step into his flat Hawks clings onto him, can't resist his warmth anymore, misses him too much. Just wants to be with him, wants to talk to him, wants to convince him to take him back. Convince him to stay, make Enji love him. Hawks has nothing to lose, he's already lost everything.

"Hawks, stop--"

Endeavour says, pushing him off once again. Hawks chokes on his breath, blinks his eyes.

"Enji,"

He addresses him, voice breaking, shaking his head.

"Enji, please, please let's talk. Please."

He's breathless, for some reason, heart beating so fast, too fast. Endeavour is glaring. Hawks missed that look too.

"I miss you so much. Please let me talk to you. Please Enji."

"Hawks, you're drunk--"

"I want you back. I want you, I need you. Please let me talk to you--"

"Hawks."

Endeavour grabs him by the collar and pulls him up, Hawks kicks the air to let off some energy, or he's seriously going to cling onto this big ole man and never let him go.

"You're drunk. You don't know what you're saying."

"No!"

Hawks protests, trying to pry himself out of Enji's grip.

"You don't understand! I'm not drunk! I want to talk! I can talk!"

He whines, cheeks flushed from alcohol, sweating a little. And then Endeavour's gaze changes. He squints his eyes, icy blue as they glare, scrutinizing the smaller man.

"You wanna talk?"

He asks. Hawks doesn't answer his rheotorical question.

"Then do it properly."

Endeavour drags him further inside the house, Hawks doesn't even try to fight him. He doesn't understand what he's trying to do, where they're going. Enji opens the bathroom door. Oh fuck not this.

"Enji--"

"No. Get under the spray Hawks."

"Please, God, I hate this."

Hawks groans. Endeavour pushes him inside and into the shower, turns it on freezing cold. Hawks yelps, frets, tries to stay away, but loses his balance from too much sudden movement. Endeavour catches him by his shoulders. Glares at him. When Hawks looks up to meet his gaze he falls in love again.

"Enji--"

He breathes, but Endeavour cuts him off, shaking his head.

"Sober up. I'm making you coffee."

He drops Hawks' shoulders, and Hawks presses his back against the wall, careful with the wings. He looks at Enji, calmer now as freezing cold water sprays down from above.

"So you're going to stay?"

"Only to talk."

Endeavour says. Hawks slowly slides down until his ass hits the marble floor, pulls his legs to himself and rests his cheek on his knees, looking at Endeavour with an unreadable expression.

"I'll be in the kitchen. Freshen up and come find me."

Endeavour tells him, Hawks watches him leave, stares at his broad back and round hips, smiles softly as Enji tries to get his big body out of the cramped bathroom. Hawks missed that, missed this sight, missed Enji in his apartment. Missed the feeling of home. He closes his eyes, lets the cold water wash over him.

-

Hawks is hit with the sweet smell of coffee when he opens the bathroom door, makes him smile. He staggers into his bedroom to dry off and put on some clothes. MAybe he should play it risky, dress racy to see what happens. Enji's not exactly the type to lose his control over stuff like that, Hawks knows. So he gives up.

He wants to talk, he does. He dries himselff off, pulls on a baggy shirt and his Endeavour boxers, because he bragged about Endeavour merch all night, he's nothing if he doesn't walk it like he talks it. Just for an extra amount of decency Hawks pulls on knee-length pijama shorts over them, and socks, because his feet are cold. He walks out of his bedroom and towards the kitchen.

Endeavour is there, sitting on a chair by the counter, looking at his phone. He's loosened the tie and popped a few buttons of his shirt open, took off his jacket. Hawks wants to get his teeth on him, mark him up so good Enji will feel him for days, feel that he belongs to Hawks. Shit. Shut up bird brain, now's not the time.

Hawks tiptoes to him, grabs his coffee and stands on the other side of the counter, propping his elbows on the marble.

"Hey,"

He says. Enji turns off his phone and pours him coffee. For some reason Enji has always been so good at making coffee, Hawks doesn't understand. It's like the coffee he makes tastes better or something, at least to Hawks. He smells it, smiles a little, and takes a sip.

"I'm not drunk anymore, I promise."

Hawks says, Enji nods his head. Hawks takes another sip of coffee before putting his mug back down on the counter, a serious expression settling on his face.

"Endeavour-san,"

He starts,

"Why did you break up with me?"

"Haven't I told--"

"Endeavour-san,"

Hawks cuts him off, cuts through the bullshit.

"Why did you break up with me, I wanna know."

He knows Enji's not good with words, not good with feelings, not good at expressing himself. But he wants to know, he wants Enji to try, for him, for them. Hawks wants, wants, wants.

So Endeavour stops to think, to consider, to find the right words. Hawks lets silence settle between them, lets Enji take his time. The clock goes tick tock tick tock tick tock and a tick and a tock. Hawks drinks his coffee.

"I don't deserve you."

Is what breaks the silence. Hawks doesn't speak, not yet. Enji has more to say, he knows.

"I've done things, bad things. I've hurt people, I'm trying to find myself, understand myself. Do better, be better."

He taps his fingers on the countertop, glares at his hands.

"I can't stop thinking about my past. I don't want to smother you under my burden. I will not do that."

Hawks doesn't say a word. Sips his coffee. Endeavour is usually good at speeches, but this feels different. Like Hawks makes him stumble out of place too, the way he does to Hawks.

"You make me happy, Hawks."

He says finally, and Hawks has to grip harder on his mug.

"You make me feel happy, and loved. You're kind to me, get on my damn nerves but I know you mean good."

He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath.

"And I don't understand you."

He looks at Hawks, and he looks genuinely lost, confused, dazed. By Hawks. Walls down.

"I don't think you know what you're doing. I don't think you know what you want, what you really want."

Hawks almost frowns, but he manages to keep an emotionless face. He's taught well, he's taught well.

"You're young, and popular, and charming. You can be with anyone you want. At first I thought you just wanted to have fun with me, but you look serious. And I can't let you make such mistake."

"Why?"

The question gets out of his mouth before Hawks can stop himself,

"Because I care about you."

Enji replies, not missing a beat.

"Because you deserve better. You should be with someone like you. Someone smart and lovable, someone who has a future in front of them, someone you can build a future with. Someone who can spend their life with you, someone who can cherish you. Someone better."

Hawks' knuckles turn white from how hard he's gripping the mug, and he has to clench his teeth not to open his mouth. Enji is not done. Hawks has to let him speak. That's what he asked for.

"You know my past, you know my story. You saw my kids with your own eyes. I'm not the man you thought I was when you were a kid."

Endeavour stares at his own coffee, and then takes a sip. Closes his eyes, and opens them back after he swallows.

"That's why I broke up with you. Because you shouldn't be with someone like me, and I have nothing to give you."

Hawks releases his hold on the mug, puts both palms on the counter, and takes a deep breath.

"I'm not as innocent as you think I am, Endeavour-san."

He says first, he has to get it out somehow, the secret he's keeping. But now's not the time. They can wait. Enji will find out anyway, sooner or later, one way or another.

"I know who you are, who you were, what you did. I always knew. Long before I met you."

He raises his head to look into Endeavour's eyes, lets his bitterness show on his face. No more holding back, not from him.

"I was raised and trained by the Hero Public Safety Commission, you already know."

Hawks starts, important not to give too much information, nothing more than necessary. He's trying to win him back, not push him away forever.

"I've done bad things too, things I regret. I've hurt people, I've hurt myself. You and I are not so different. I understand."

He tilts his head to the side, squinting a little. Silly little Todoroki Enji, has no idea, knows nothing. Hawks almost smirks.

"I know your past. I know you abused your wife, and your kids. I know about Touya. I know about Shouto. I know everything, Endeavour-san. I've done my research."

He leans forward, wings slowly stretching out as well, cornering his prey. Hawks' eyes sparkle in the low light of the kitchen as he crowds into Endeavour.

"I know what you are, I know who you are, Todoroki Enji."

He breathes. Endeavour doesn't seem intimidated, but maybe a little surprised. Hawks is more than used to being underestimated, that's his biggest weapon after all.

"But I still want you."

He finishes, completely collecting himself back and pulling his wings to himself.

"And believe me when I tell you this; I know what I want. I know what I'm signing up for. I know what I want."

He adds. Takes another sip from his coffee, and then walks around the counter to get to the other side, to Enji, coffee mug in hand.

"Why?"

Enji asks then, they've switched roles. Hawks puts his mug on the counter.

"Feels right."

He answers easily, letting his emotions fill into his system.

"For the first time in my life I feel like I belong somewhere, I feel home."

He blinks up at him, coy as he takes in Endeavour's hesitant gaze, tries to measure up the distance.

"I feel happy when I'm with you, Enji."

Hawks says. His wings are twitching from how nervous he is, but he doesn't care.

"I want to be with you. I'm happy to be with you. Don't you want to be with me too?"

"Hawks--"

"Endeavour-san, yes or no?"

Enji holds his gaze for a moment before giving in, shaking his head.

"I do. But that's not a means of what we want. That's a means of what we deserve."

"Endeavour-san,"

Hawks can say his name over and over again until the day he dies, that he knows. Tastes good as it rolls off his tongue, tastes like home, like love.

"Please, let me love you. Let me in."

He dares to reach a hand to the older man's face, and when Enji doesn't pull away Hawks cups the side of his cheek.

"If you don't think you deserve me, that's fine by me. I don't think I deserve you either, I think I'm very lucky to have you."

His breath hitches as he drags his thumb along Enji's scar, caresses the charred skin. Familiar, warm. Home. Where he belongs.

"I want to work on you until I deserve you, let me make an endeavour for you."

Hawks presses his thumb on Enji's cheekbone, where he knows hurts a bit more. Enji's eyes squint, Hawks' heartbeat stutters. He pants out his breath.

"Please,"

Hawks breathes finally. Enji can't stand looking at him like this anymore, he closes his eyes, Hawks closes their distance. Lips trace the parts of the scar on Enji's forehead, when he kisses the burnt skin softly his lips catch on fire, a jolt of electricity runs through his body. Enji exhales through his nose, the steam tickles Hawks' neck. He wants more, and more.

"You're wasting your time on me."

"Then let me waste my time."

"Hawks."

Hawks kisses him again, on his scar. Down his forehead to his burnt eyebrow, the corner of his eye and towards his cheekbone. Lingers. Down his cheek until he reaches the corner of his lips, tingling kisses planted along the scar from the day they first met. Hawks' scar.

"Let me be your Little Bird again, please."

He breathes, nuzzling into his skin.

"There's nothing else I want more."

Endeavour grabs Hawks by the chin and tugs him away to have a better look at his face. Hawks' lids have dropped slightly, breath hitching every few beats. This is it. Where it splits in half.

"If it doesn't work out, then it's on me. I'll take full responsibility."

Hawks promises, looking into Enji's icy blue eyes. Heart beats so fast, so loud he's sure Enji can hear it.

"I'm ready for you, Enji. I want to be with you."

He licks his lips, and his stomach twists as Enji explicitly follows the motion of his tongue with his eyes. Hawks wants, wants, wants--

"If you want me too..."

He trails, harder and harder to breathe with Endeavour so close to him. He can't stop his gaze from flickering to Enji's lips momentarily every now and then. And Endeavour holds his gaze, testing, pondering. Hawks holds his breath, Endeavour closes his eyes with a sigh.

Enji closes the distance between their lips, and kisses Hawks.

Hawks feels like he can finally breathe. Wraps both arms around Enji's neck and kisses him back, moans around the liberating feeling. Welcome home, welcome home, welcome home.

"Enji,"

He calls out, just to make sure this is real, this is happening. Enji hums into the kiss, tilts his head to the side and kisses along his cheek, flicks his tongue under Hawks' ear, making him gasp.

"Enji,"

Hawks calls out again, tugging the older man by his shirt collar to get him back into place, into a kiss. Enji complies easily, lips on lips, kisses Hawks again. Hawks grips harder into his shoulder, talons digging into the expensive material of his shirt. Hawks wants more, wants to feel skin.

He sighs into the older man's mouth. Enji cradles his face between both of his big palms, caresses Hawks' cheek as he licks into his mouth, tastes him. Hawks wonders whether he can taste how much he loves him too, how much he aches for him, how much he wants him. His mouth is scorching hot against Hawks' lips, feels like heaven, like his death would taste just about the same as Enji's lips too.

Hawks shivers when Enji bites down on his lower lip, sucks it into his mouth.

"Yeah..."

Hawks moans pliantly, pressing his crotch against Enji's, shaking his head.

"Take me to my room Daddy,"

He whines, wants more, more, more, more, more, and more. Can start crying from how much he needs him right now, right here.

Enji grunts before kissing him again, and Hawks is on the edge. His wings twitch impatiently, claws at Enji's expensive shirt. Big warm hands grab onto his waist to keep him in place, to calm him down; and then they slowly slide down to his hips. Hawks can't breathe.

"Take me to my room, let me love you Daddy. Please."

He begs, needs Enji like he's air. The Flame Hero is off his seat in an instant, with Hawks held tightly inside his arms, pressed flush against his chest. Hawks never wants Enji to let him go again, never wants to lose his touch. If Enji burns, Hawks wants to burn with him.

Enji kisses along his cheek as he walks. He knows the route to Hawks' room like the back of his hand, knows this house like he owns it. Maybe he does own it, in a way.

Hawks wraps his legs around Enji's thick waist, and arms around his neck, buries his face into the crook of his jaw. Enji's mouth slides up his cheekbone and into his hair, plants kisses in his messy hair strands. Hawks clings harder onto his shirt, he's never letting him go ever again.

Enji doesn't bother closing the door after he enters the bedroom, but instead lays Hawks down gently on the bed, careful with the wings. He kneels between his knees, and Hawks loves the way his bed dips with Enji's wieght. Hawks misses the more close contact immediately, misses Enji's warmth, raises his arms and makes grabby hands at him, pouting. Enji almost laughs, a little breathy chuckle leaves his lips, and Hawks holds his breath. He loves him, he loves him.

"Daddy,"

Hawks gasps, reaching out a hand. Enji takes his hand into his much larger one and plants a warm kiss inside his palm, icy blue eyes boring into Hawks'. Hawks gasps, then Enji kisses his other palm.

"Easy now, Little Bird."

He whispers, Hawks sighs, eyes fluttering close.

"Missed you."

He confesses softly. Enji can't help the little smile that tugs at his lips, traces the shape of Hawks' pointy little nose.

"I'm here now."

He reassures him, and Hawks' eyelids raise a little, blown pupily peeking at him. He smiles, soft and content.

"Yeah."

He whispers, more to himself. Enji leans down to kiss him on his gorgeous, precious face, loves the way Hawks opens up for him.

One of his large hands fondle up Hawks' leg, slips inside his shorts, thumbs at his sensitive skin. Enji breathes in the little gasps Hawks sends his way, sucks on his tongue when Hawks sticks it out a little, drawing out soft moans. Enji thumbs at the growing bulge inside Hawks' boxers.

"Gonna take these off of you."

"Please."

Always so pliant, so eager to please. Enji rewards him with a kiss on his forehead, Hawks exhales loudly. And then Enji presses his lips into the crook of Hawks' neck, sucks sweet kisses as he pulls down his shorts along with his boxers, dragging his fingertips along Hawks' legs and giving him goosebumps. He takes a moment to watch Hawks' cock jumping out of the boxers as Enji drags them down, smirks at the familiar sight.

Even Hawks' cock is pretty, just like everything else about him. A notch or two bigger than Enji's middle finger, with dreaded blonde hair at his groin. He's alreayd wet with precome, excited solely from Enji's presence, and it gets Enji going too. He pushes open Hawks' legs and settles between them, toys with his cock lazily.

“You’re acting like you haven’t gotten any ever since I last touched you.“

Enji says, with some bite to his words. Hawks grunts, pushing his crotch into Enji’s palm, pouting.

”Mean.”

He comments. Enji smirks, caresses his shaft with his thumb.

”Take the shirt off for me Little Bird. Let me see you.”

He gestures at Hawks’ shirt with his eyes, and Hawks nods his head. He wants Enji to see him too, wants to feel his eyes all over his body, wants to exhibit himself for him.

Hawks grabs the hem of his baggy shirt and lifts his back off the bed, pulling the loose fabric until it’s all the way off, and then he’s completely naked, for Enji’s eyes only. That’s what feels good, feels right. Hawks sighs in content.

Enji crowds into him and presses his lips against the crook of Hawks' neck, burning him down with a kiss, melting him into a puddle. Hawks loves everything about it, from the scratch of his beard to the drag of his teeth. Hawks loves everything about it.

Enji trails lingering, warm kisses along his exposed skin. Hawks' brows twitch, he breathes in, fills his lungs with Enji's scent, and breathes him out.

"Be a good Little Bird and fetch me the lube."

Enji orders him, and who is Hawks to say no? He pushes himself up at a more stable position and reaches to his bedside table, digging inside for the specific item.

Meanwhile Endeavour strips out of his clothes, Hawks can see him from the corner of his vision. He fishes the lube quickly and settles back on his previous position, watches happily as Enji undresses. His fingers opening each and every button graciously, Hakws' cock throbs at the casual way Enji unbuckles his belt. Hawks savours the visiual of Enji stepping out of his slacks in the low light of his Endeavour bedside lamp.

"Daddy--"

He gasps, so needy, so ready for him. Craving his touch against his skin, the feeling of Enji's body under his fingertips. Sitting and staring at Endeavour's thick cock hurts more than actually taking it. With trembling fingers Hawks hands the lube to Enji, who softly grins at him.

"Enjoyin' the view, Little Bird? I'll let you watch some more then."

He nudges Hawks' legs, and the younger man opens up easily, Enji's eyes roam over his body before settling on his groin, watches precome trickle down his shaft.

"So pretty, already so wet for me."

He praises, Hawks' eyes twitch with the tone of his voice.

Without further ado Enji squirts some lube into his hand, his natural heat warms it up easily, and then he's pressing the tip of his middle finger against Hawks' puckering hole. Hawks gasps, his cock twitches from the anticipation building up inside his chest. Because this is real, and Enji is back, Enji came back to him. Ennji presses a kiss on the top of Hawks' knee and pushes the finger inside, the shaky breath that Hawks exhales rings inside his ears.

Hawks missed this. The girth of Enji's thicker fingers, the warmth, him pressing where feels the best. Enji slips his middle finger in as well, and Hawks doesn't feel an ounce of shame as he rocks back against Enji's fingers scissoring him open.

"Needy tonight, aren't you? Look how your hole swallows my fingers. Pretty Little Bird."

Enji whispers, making Hawks squirm with the sweet talk.

"For you only, Daddy."

He whines, opening his legs wider and grabbing onto the headboard as he lifts his back off it a little, sorts out his wings into a more comfortable position before settling back down. Enji hums.

"I should punish you for seeking others for your own pleasure, but honestly I can't blame you."

Enji hooks one of Hawks' legs over his shoulder and kisses along his knees to his inner thighs, teeth grazing his soft skin occasionally.

"I'm sorry for putting you in that situation."

Hawks shakes his head, looks into Enji's icy blue eyes, and pitter patter goes his little birdie heart.

"I kept thinking about you."

He admits, blushing when Enji's fingers slow down their rhythm.

"I couldn't come without thinking about you, without pretending it was you. You never once left my mind."

Enji's other hand is caressing along the hairs on Hawks' leg, giving him goosebumps. He digs his pointy nose into Hawks' knee.

"'s that so?"

Hawks sighs, pushes his hips into Enji's hand to get him to finger him open properly, and Enji complies.

"I'm yours."

Hawks tells him, and Enji doesn't want to believe that it's not part of their little role play but actually sincere, that Hawks truly feels like he belongs to Enji. Maybe he's not ready to be rewarded with that yet. So he shakes his head, kisses up Hawks' leg again, and fingers him a notch faster, drawing out the sweetest of sounds from his pretty lips.

"Gonna make up for it then. Make you feel so good, the way you deserve."

He promises. Hawks feels himself falling, deeper and deeper from the highest mountain tops, his wings twitch instinctively from the light-headed feeling, the twists in his stomach. Enji adds the third finger, and stretches Hawks out even more, exhales an amused chuckle from his nose when Hawks gasps at the stretch.

"I'll even make you come right now, from my fingers. What do you say to that, Little Bird?"

"Please Daddy."

Is what Hawks croaks out, nodding submissively, eager to take anything Enji offers. Enji bites harder on the sensitive skin of his inner thighs, loves the way Hawks whimpers, the way his feathers fall off as he thrashes lightly. Enji wants to keep that sight of him locked up safely in his mind, forever.

"Hm."

Enji hums, tugs at Hawks' rim before curling his fingers, Hawks' back arches off the bed with the gluttal moan he lets out. Enji's eyes dart to his leaking cock, red and twitching, seeking friction. He catches himself licking his lips.

"Hawks,"

Enji addresses him, and the younger opens his glossy eyes, warm gold as he looks at him. Enji trails his lips along Hawks' inner thighs, scratching him with his beard, making him squirm. He darts his tongue out, hooded eyes locked in Hawks' face as he licks a stripe over the gap between Hawks' thighs and balls. Hawks' head falls back, hips jerking in response. Enji grabs onto his lithe waist and holds him down, giving his weight on his knees to keep his balance.

"Come here. Let me taste you."

Enji says, noses at Hawks' groin, and draws out a broken moan from him.

"Yes! Oh God, Daddy, yes please!"

Hawks whines, wings fluttering in anticipation. He slides his hips lower, and Enji lifts his butt off the bed as he pulls his leg higher over his shoulder until Hawks' thigh rests against his cheekbone. That's better. He crooks his fingers again, and prods at Hawks' prostate, making him jolt.

"So eager, good Little Birdie."

Enji praises, Hawks gasps. Rocks against Enji's fingers, obscene squelching sounds ringing inside the empty room.

"Look at me."

Enji orders, and Hawks' eyes creak open, just enough to catch Enji's icy blue gaze. Hawks almost closes his eyes right back, so overwhelmed with Enji's existence. But he keeps his eyes open, gives him what he asks of him, the least he can do. There's nothing else he'd rather look at anyway.

Enji sticks his tongue out, and the slimy wet muscle catches on fire right in front of Hawks' eyes, his eyes pop wide open. Enji smirks. He licks his lips and the fire is gone, but when his tongue touches Hawks' balls it makes the younger boy hiss from the sensation, hot, hot, hot; scorching, burning, fire. Enji, Enji, Enji.

"Feels good?"

Enji asks before licking another stripe, Hawks nods his head, talons digging into the bedsheets, beads of sweat rolling down his temples.

"Yeah, yeah Daddy. So good..."

He babbles, putting a fond smile on Enji's face. It disappears quickly, and Hawks is not in the right mindset to read into it.

Enji licks up his shaft, collects the precome on his tongue and swallows him, savours every drop. Then the tip of his tongue presses against Hawks's slit, pushes a little, licks along the head before taking his pink, wet tip into his hot mouth. 

"Daddy--"

Hawks whines. Enji hums before blinking up at him, gaze heavy, icy blue, looks at Hawks like he owns him. Deep inside Hawks knows that he actually does.

Enji sets a pace. Massages Hawks' prostate and bobs his head around his cock, heats up his mouth randomly to pull reactions out of him, and when the telltale signs of HAwks' orgasm building is brought to his attention Enji pulls him off with a pop.

"Baby,"

He calls him, so sweet, so endearing. Hawks can come just from the honey dripping from his tone.

"Chase it. Don't hold back."

It's not always Enji gives Hawks control, because Hawks never misses an opportunity to abuse his power. But it's different tonight, and even though Hawks was just granted with the permission of fucking Enji's mouth he doesn't really want to play tricks on him. So he nods his head, lets Enji settle back into position, and grips onto his red hair to keep himself in position.

Then he ruts. Rolls his hips against Enji's thick fingers and fucks into his hot mouth, moaning at the way his tongue rolls around his cock, sucking and swallowing him. He pushes deeper and deeper until the head hits the back of Enji's throat, and the grunt that rings inside Enji's mouth vibrates through Hawks' cock. He grabs harder onto his hair.

"Daddy I'm--"

He pleads, picks up the speed, the rhythm; then loses it. His thrusts become reckless, faster and faster until he's mindlessly chasing his high inside Endeavour's mouth. Feels so good, for the first time in forever Hawks feels over the clouds.

"OH God, Daddy! Gonna come, gonna come so hard!"

He tugs on the red hair strands, fingers curling into a fist.

"Enji!"

He gasps, and with the final push he's coming down Enji's throat. Endeavour works him through it, sets the pace Hawks likes, sucks on his shaft as Hawks whimpers and wails, tears running down his cheeks and fingers running up and down inside Enji's hair. His wings flap awkwardly, leaving more and more stray feathers around.

"Yeah, yeah, Daddy, fuck!"

Hawks curses, and then he's twitching. Enji gradually lowers him back onto the mattress, slowly gets him out of his mouth, laps along until Hawks' cock is completely off. He keeps fingering him though, watches until Hawks is oversensitive, squirming and twitching with each push. He takes his fingers off too, and leans down to lick his cock clean.

"That's my good Little Bird."

Enji praises him, and Hawks is shaking in place.

"You did so good. Taste so good."

He noses down Hawks' balls before sucking them inside his mouth too, and Hawks grips onto the sheets again, squeezing his eyes.

"Daddy, it's too much, please.."

He whines. Enji kisses down until his lips find his gaping hole, and runs his tongue flat over the puckering pink skin. Hawks groans, shaking his head.

"Daddy--"

"It's fine. I'm not going to do anything."

Enji promises. He trails wet kisses along Hawks' crotch, and noses at his inner thighs, his hands running up and down his legs.

"So pretty. My beautiful Little Bird."

He praises again. Hawks has to actually press the heels of his hands into his eye sockets because he's on the verge of a crying fit. Enji kisses up his body, massaging his tummy with his warm fingertips to ease off the tension in his muscles as he noses at Hawks' chest. Rolls his tongue around a nipple and looks up at his face, doesn't tear his eyes off him as he drags his tongue along his chest to the other nipple.

Enji fondles and kisses up his body as he gives Hawks some time to rest, leaves trails of heated kiss marks on his torso, gently bites on his waist until Hawks can't take it anymore. The younger sighs, lifting his hips up and rubbing his soft cock against Enji's legs.

"Daddy,"

He whines,

"Wanna ride you. Please. I'll be good. So good."

Enji raises an eyebrow, one hand massaging Hawks' tummy again.

"Promise to behave?"

"Cross my heart."

Hawks says, cheeky, the way Enji likes him best. Enji shrugs then, nudges Hawks' off the bed and takes his place instead, gets comfortable in the smaller space. He doesn't really mind if he has to be honest. Hawks settles on his lap, and smiles up at him, caresses his scar.

"Missed you."

He says again. Enji puts his larger hand on his frail one, and takes his wrist to his lips, planting a warm kiss on Hawks' pulse point. Hawks' breath hitches, grinds his hips against Enji's muscular thigh.

"Want you inside me Daddy. Let me take you, please."

Enji pats his butt then, urging him to lift his hips and position himself. Hawks' eyes twinkle in excitement when Enji hands him the lube right afterwards.

He makes a show of it. Lubes up his fingers and shoves them up his already dripping, throughoutly stretched hole. Enji squints and grits his teeth as Hawks slowly fucks himself with his fingers, twitching when he brushes the more sensitive places.

"Tease."

Enji accuses him, Hawks grins in return, drunk in his pleasure, drunk on Enji. His smile looks so silly that Enji almost laughs, cradles his pretty face in his big palm, Hawks fits right into his embrace. Rubs his cheek on his warmth like a cat. Enji slips his thumb past his lips and Hawks' gaze changes, a different kind of disoriented now. Swirls his tongue around the digit, drools a little from the lack of composure, then sucks it inside. Enji smacks him on his left buttcheek with his free hand.

"Be a good Little Bird and get on with it already."

Hawks' eyes twinkle, golden, captivating like a sunset.

"Yes Daddy."

He submits easily, still smiling, still so much in love. Withdrawls his fingers from his hole and squirts more lube on his hand, doesn't bother warming up since Enji is warm enough, and slicks his cock with it, takes his sweet time stroking the heavy member. Enji sighs, feels good to have Hawks' hands on his skin again, that's for sure.

Hawks doesn't waste any more time and slowly sinks down on Enji's cock, gasping as the girth stretches him further, palms pressed against Enji's abs.

"Fuck yeah..."

He curses, Enji smirks.

"Aren't you a mouthy cockslut, Little Bird? Missed my cock that bad?"

Hawks curses again, so weak for the dirty talk, so weak for Enji. He nods his head, toppling forward a little with the pleasure and the lingering oversensitivity.

"Yes Daddy."

He gasps. Enji puts his hands on his hips and pushes him down, pressing his cock deeper inside, making Hawks thrash and squirm. Loves the whines that spill out of his mouth.

"Show me how much you missed it."

Enji demands then, leans his back against the bedpost and gets comfortable. He has eyes for Hawks and Hawks only, nothing else he'd rather look at. Dangerous thoughts. He stops thinking when Hawks starts to grind his hips though.

Hawks looks best from this very angle, chest pecks vibrating slightly as he bounces up and down on Enji's thick cock, can't stop himself from looking down at the fat member splitting his hole open, jaw dropped open as he shamelessly moans with each move. So amazed, so turned on, no thoughts; head empty. Enji thinks he can watch him all day and never for a brief moment would he get bored.

Hawks settles on a pace, a mixture of grinding and bouncing, riding Enji like a buffalo. Yeehaw.

His wings are open wide freely, twitching when the head of Enji's cock hits the right spots, keeping him balanced when he topples forward from the overwhelming pleasure, making up for his legs shaking so pathetically. Hawks throws his head back when it starts to get too much, but he's not ready to drop it yet. Puts his weight on his wings and moves his body up and down with their help, flapping and fluttering as he rides Enji's cock.

He never bothers to shut up even for a minute, loud and free as he expresses his pleasure in moans and grunts and whines, yelps when Enji thrusts back in sync. Curses and babbles when it starts to get too much too soon. Hawks finally grabs onto Enji's chest pecks and falls on his chest with a wail. Enji tenses isntantly.

"Are you okay?"

He asks, Hawks quickly nods his head, even does a little okay sign with his hand, though his fingers are trembling. Then Enji gets it.

"Worn out already, Little Bird?"

He asks, grabs Hawks by the throat and pulls his face up for a forehead kiss. Hawks grunts in response, unable to keep his tongue inside his mouth long enough to form a proper word. Enji bites down on his jaw.

"You did well baby, you were so good."

He praises, and Hawks is putty in his hands, tears prickling at the pits of his eyes.

"Let me take care of you now. Just watch me."

Enji reassures him, Hawks nods weakly.

"Please,"

He manages to say, somehow. Enji sucks kisses along his jaw as he grabs onto his waist and pushes himself up to a sitting positiong along with the lithe Wing Hero with great agility, he's kind of proud of that one. He slowly switches their positions, careful with the wings as he presses Hawks into the mattress, Hawks sighs as he gets comfortable.

"Smells like you again."

He mumbles, rubbing his face absent-mindedly at the sheets Enji was just lying on. Enji almost blushes.

Hawks' eyes pop wide open when Enji slides his cock back home, and then they lose their focus.

"Fuck me into the mattress Daddy, God, wanna feel you in the morning."

Hawks pleads, Enji buries himself to the hilt, and then pushes his hips harder into Hawks' just because he can, draws out a throaty moan from him.

"Gonna have you feeling me for days, Little Bird."

He promises, Hawks groans, nodding his head feverishly. Enji throws Hawks' legs over his shoulders, and slowly builds up a rhythm as he fucks into his slick hole. Hawks has used more lube than necessary, sure, but neither of them mind. The slide is smooth and easy, feels good, squelch, squelch, squelch. Hawks is moaning like a cat in heat.

As the orgasm builds Enji starts to thrust faster, more recklessly, and Hawks rolls his hips to meet up with him.

"Yeah!"

He whines, has no control of his body. Enji gently bites on his thighs, drools a little the more his pleasure grows.

"Touch yourself."

Enji orders. Both of his hands are busy holding up Hawks' shaky legs, and he loves watching Hawks touching himself anyway. Hawks is never the one to refuse, his hand wraps around his leaking cock immediately.

Enji takes a moment to slow down then, switching towards slower thrusts that go deeper, burying himself to the hilt before pulling all the way back and doing it over again. Hawks gasps, his eyes flutter open.

"Daddy,"

He whines, raising one of his hands in the air. Enji can't refuse, can never refuse. He lets go of one of Hawks' legs to hold his hand, and Hawks sighs in content, intertwining their fingers as he starts stroking himself along to Enji's pace.

The athmosphere shifts, growing heavier as they climb towards the summit together, chasing the climax. Hawks is looking Enji right in the eyes, his eyes can't find their focus quite yet, but he knows where Enji is.

"Daddy..."

Hawks calls out for him again, and Enj squeezes his hand, leaning closer and towering over him. Can feel the little gasps Hawks lets out with each thrust right up his face. Breathes him in.

"Right here Little Bird. Gonna come for me?"

"Yes Daddy, gonna come... Please..."

Hawks babbles, looking a bit out of it, nodding his head. Enji kisses him on the neck, over his pulse. Hawks closes his eyes with a little grunt.

"Daddy,"

"Come for me Little Bird, come on. I've got you."

Enji reassures him, Hawks gasps. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah baby, come on. I'm here."

Enji whispers, mouths at his neck, wet and hot against his skin. God, Hawks loves him.

"Enji,"

He warns, breath picking up. Enji gives him a particularly harder thrust and then Hawks is tipping over the edge.

"Enji-- OH FUCK! Fucking hell, Daddy, Oh my fucking God!"

His brain-to-mouth filter shuts down completely, and Hawks is a sobbing mess as he comes, Enji fucks him through the orgasm.

"Say my name."

He grunts, and Hawks doesn't need to be told twice.

"Enji, oh God Enji, Enji fuck! Yeah! Enji, Enji, Enji! Oh my God! Enji, oh my God!"

"Yeah, like that, Little Bird..."

Enji picks up the pace, so close, so close. Fucks Hawks through the orgasm and then all the way through the aftershocks, his wails going straight to his cock until he explodes, filling Hawks' tight wet hole with loads of his hot come, having Hawks' eyes rolling to the back of his skull.

Feels so good, feels just right. Their hands stay interlocked.

-

His guts rearranged and ass sore, Hawks happily lays on top of Endeavour, rubbing his face against his big ol' titties, completely drunk. He has a runny nose, having cried and sobbed and wailed because of the intensity of his orgasm, but it's worth it. He's so blissed, can't feel his face, legs, arms; but so over the clouds.

Enji is with him, right underneath his fingers. Hawks presses his face into his left peck and listens to his heart beat, sighs in content. This is where he belongs, this is where he longs to be. No more blue days for him. A mellody is playing in his mind, and Hawks wants to laugh in it's face.

"Last night I laid in bed so blue, 'cause I realized the truth, they can't love me like you."

He sings, even though his throat is sore and his voice is cracked and all over the place. Enji has an harm resting at the bottom of his spine, and another carding through his sweaty blonde hair strands.

"Sha la la la,"

He mumbles,

"Sha la la la, woo ooh, oh oh."

Enji snorts lightly, and Hawks grins. Drunk in love.

"L-O-V-E, love the way you give it to me,"

He spells the word with great effort, tongue not cooperating. If Enji had enough energy in himself he'd laugh at him. Hawks smirks, pulls himself up with help from his wings and props himself up on his elbows and forearms on Enji's chest.

"Don't need those other lovers, When I got my number one."

He sings, poking at Enji's pointy nose with a tired smirk on his face. Enji raises his eyebrows, amused.

"Where did that come from?"

Hawks shrugs then, still smiling, can't stop staring at his icy blue eyes.

"'Dunno. Heard it on the radio today, you know."

He raises a hand to Enji's face. Traces along his scar, then runs it through his hair.

"Reminded me of you."

He adds afterwards, a bit quietly. Enji hums, grabbing Hawks' hair lightly to tug him down for a lazy kiss, and Hawks sighs into it.

"Gonna stay the night?"

He asks reluctantly, Enji pushes the strands that falls into his face back, tucks them behind his ear.

"Do you want me to?"

"I always want you."

Hawks answers easily, sincere. Enji nods his head lightly.

"Then I'll stay."

It lifts the weight Hawks didn't know he carried on his shoulders, and then he's too tired to carry on with this conversation.

"Good."

He manages to mutter before cuddling into Enji's chest, clinging for good measure. Never going to let him go ever again.

"Gonna sleep?"

Enji asks, Hawks nods.

"Mhm."

Enji continues carding his fingers through his hair, petting him like a cat.

"Good night."

"Good night daddy."

Hawks replies cheekily, Enji rolls his eyes, though he's smiling.

Enji doesn't get much sleep that night even though he's tired. Thoughts run wild inside his head, keep him awake. Thoughts about the lives he ruines, people he let down, his family, Rei, the kids. Touya. It doesn't make any sense that the universe just gave him someone like Hawks, and Enji doesn't want this one to go down in flames too.

He pulls Hawks closer, plants a kiss in his hair. 

-

He doesn't get much sleep, but his biological clock wakes him up with the first rays of sunshine. Enji grunts, stretches his arms. He can sense that Hawks is awake, but the Number Two Hero doesn't look like he's going to move anytime soon. He's clinging onto Enji, grip too strong and steady for him to be unaware of it.

So Enji grabs him by the chin, squishing his bloated morning face inside his big palm, and pulls him up for a kiss. Hawks' eyes fly open, and before he can pull himself together and kiss back Enji pulls away, smirking.

"Morning."

He greets. Hawks stares at him blankly, blinking, taking Enji in with all his raw emotion, genuine happiness.

Then his face muscles relaxe as well, a soft blush and an even softer smile spreading across his gorgeous face.

"Mornin' big guy."

Sunshine sweeps inside from Hawks' tulle drapes, morning light illuminating Hawks' frame. Enji's heart tugs inside his chest.

Just like that, they're okay.

Just like that, he's in love.

Just like that.