Chapter Text
Many years later, camera shows GIMLI, asleep in his DWARF CAVERN, dreaming of SAVING THE WORLD. His alarm goes off. He rubs his eyes and gets out of bed.
GIMLI walks over to his stone LEGO BOOKSHELF containing various LEGO INSTRUCTIONS. He pulls out various booklets, and looks briefly at them as he tosses them on the floor. One of them is HOW TO BE FRIENDS WITH AN ELF.
He opens the HOW TO GET READY FOR WORK booklet and says the instructions out loud as he follows them: Step 1, always follow the instructions.
Camera then shows GIMLI in shower with LEGO WATER and SOAP: Step 2, keep soap out of your eyes.
GIMLI is then shown brushing is hair: Step 3, braid your hair. Step 4, braid your beard.
He walks over to his closet and looks at his outfits, all hanging in color-coded perfect order: Step 5, get dressed.
GIMLI looks wistful when he goes through the ARMORED SHIRTS part of his closet. He ends up putting on his orange and blue construction dwarf shirt. He picks out his favorite CONSTRUCTION HELM to wear.
Next we see him sitting on his couch, eating while watching television: Step 6, Eat a complete breakfast with the special people in your life. Hi, pet rock.
He kisses the piece of stone. He’s decorated it so it looks like it has a face, and he's glued yarn on the bottom so it has a beard.
On the TV, he laughs at his favorite TV show, WHERE’S MY BEARD, in which the main character is always losing his LEGO BEARD. Then the show cuts to a commercial, THE DARK LORD talking at a podium in a party atmosphere, surrounded by ADULT and KID HOBBITS, DWARVES, HUMANS, AND ELVES with lots of BALLOONS and a huge LEMBAS-CAKE, and in the sky FIREWORKS: Get ready for Rings and Things Tuesday! On Tuesday, every rule-following citizen gets a free ring!
THE DARK LORD then whispers under his breath: And you’ll give all your treasure to me and do everything else I say!
GIMLI wonders if he heard the whispering correctly, but then shrugs it off, because then the commercial shows the DWARVES and ELVES and HUMANS and HOBBITS showing their various different rings to the camera, and he really likes the ones the dwarves are 'modeling.' He's excited to get one for himself. Then he goes OUTSIDE, because it's time to go to work.
The camera pans GIMLI’S STREET, made of LEGO HOBBIT HOLES and LEGO ELF TALANS IN LEGO TREES and HUMAN LEGO HOUSES and DWARF LEGO CAVES/SMALL MOUNTAINS. Everyone is OBEDIENT, all of the DWARVES, HOBBITS, ELVES, and HUMANS.
GIMLI says HELLO, AT YOUR SERVICE to the ones he knows, mostly DWARVES AND HOBBITS. He stares at GALADRIEL as she walks by and he accidentally bumps into a LEGO LAMP-POST.
GIMLI gets into his PLAIN LEGO CAR, resuming his instructions: Step 7, obey all traffic signs. Step 8, enjoy popular music.
He turns on the RADIO in his car as he drives, and it’s playing a fast-paced version of OVER THE MISTY MOUNTAINS COLD, lyrics rewritten by THE DARK LORD.
GIMLI: I love this song!
Camera pans the city and shows GIMLI driving his plain lego car as he sings along to the song.
Camera pans a BILLBOARD with SAURON’S EYE and the phrase I’VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU, the symbol of THE DARK LORD’S CORPORATION.
GIMLI works all day with the other CONSTRUCTION DWARVES, and they SING various songs while they work. They don’t whistle. At the end of the day, they leave, but he forgets his AXE, so he goes back to get it.
GIMLI spots LEGOLAS nearby. LEGOLAS is standing gracefully on top of a PILE OF LEGOS beside a big HOLE IN THE GROUND, in front of LEGO WEATHERTOP, which THE DARK LORD has placed on his DEMOLITION SCHEDULE.
LEGOLAS sees GIMLI and JUMPS EFFORTLESSLY into the HOLE. GIMLI calls after him, feeling badly: Master Elf, I didn’t mean to scare you!
GIMLI trips and falls into the HOLE, tossed around a series of tunnels that go steadily deeper into the ground, almost like a ping-pong ball.
He hits the ground, dazed: I thought nobody tosses a dwarf!
Then he sees the ARKENSTONE in a pile of lego bricks. It speaks to him, and says: Touch the PIECE.
As GIMLI touches the ARKENSTONE OF RESISTANCE, parts of GLORFINDEL’S PROPHECY are replayed, almost nonsensically.
Then all goes BLACK. We see BAD COP – GOLLUM - capturing GIMLI, still unconscious, and taking him to the STATION. GOOD COP – SMEAGOL – pats GIMLI’S head and takes care of him on the ride over. BAD COP is annoyed at GOOD COP for being so nice to GIMLI, and tells him he’ll let him eat a PIECE OF FISH in the car this one time if he stops it. SMEAGOL has a bit of trouble deciding, but he's hungry, so he takes the fish.