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When all was said and done, Dean found himself in Heaven, alone. Well, he wasn't exactly alone. Sam was there too, in his own heaven and of course, he had the memories of his life. His mother was around too. Along with everyone else had lost during his life. Jack could come and go from Heaven as he pleased, as could Cas. But it wasn't exactly the same. Nothing was exactly the same. In Heaven, there were not bad times. And it was eerie to Dean. He thrived on the bad times because that was what he had come to expect from his life. Life after life, death after death. He had grown used to it. He had grown used to always having to be on guard, and to hold grief as a constant companion in his heart. He had grown used to being beat until he was down and then some. He was used to sacrificing and giving up over and over to the point that he wasn't quite certain if anything ever belonged to him. He was used to losing home after home until the bunker, and even then, there had been times he lost that. The only thing that was really ever-constant was his car. And in Heaven, he only had a memory of Baby.
He supposed it was different when Cas or Jack came to visit. He supposed it was different when he saw Bobby or his parents, jumping from Heaven to Heaven. But it wasn't exactly the same.
And he needed something normal.
Dean had a pretty good idea of how long he had been in Heaven this time around. He knew it was right about Halloween.
When he was younger, his mother had helped him carve a pumpkin once. They never did that after she died, except for one other time. John was god knows where on a hunt, a ghost of some kind, and Dean was left to take care of Sam as he always was. But he looked into Sam's puppy dog eyes that Halloween, a skill his little brother perfected early, and decided that he would give him the Halloween he deserved. He was lucky he wasn't caught and jailed for stealing the pumpkin. He was fast, even with the thing cupped in his little hands. They had made a mess that night in the motel room. He and Sam sat on the tile floor, gutting the pumpkin and doing their best to create some kind of face on it. Dean found a candle in amongst all their various supplies and lit it. That night, the motel room was lit by the orange flickering of a pumpkin. He was incredibly glad the smoke alarm never went off.
He revisited that memory in his Heaven and decided he wanted to do something similar. Only it would just be him this time. Or so he thought anyway.
He was surprised when Cas appeared, trench coat and all. Cas looked younger in Heaven, healthier. The other had become worn during his time on earth, just like every other human who had to experience the whole shebang. In Heaven, after all was said and done, he looked like how Dean remembered him. They had a choice of what they looked like in Heaven. Dean chose his middle-aged self, the self that had experienced everything possible and had come out the other side. He was surprised he died a normal death at the end. Cardiac arrest. What a way to die. Sam died of old age. Jack stayed exactly the same as the day he was born. And Cas was once again much like Castiel, but he was always so much softer than he had been before.
Dean shoved the thought away as Cas walked into the house he had constructed for himself in Heaven. It idly reminded him of his time with Lisa and Ben. Lisa was in Heaven somewhere, but Dean stayed away. He was certain most of his past lovers were in Heaven by now. But Dean stayed away from them.
"Hello, Dean." Cas greeted, stepping through the front door.
"Hello, Cas." He greeted in return. "You're just in time."
"In time for what?" Cas asked as he followed Dean through the house.
The two of them moved into the kitchen. It was a rather nice kitchen, similar to the one in the bunker, and complete with the same table. Sitting on it already was a pumpkin that quickly multiplied into two at Cas's arrival.
"We're carving pumpkins." Dean grinned and pulled a knife from the rack.
"Why?" Cas asked, cocking his head at the pumpkin. "Did they do something worthy of carving?" Dean laughed mostly to himself. "Are you eating them?"
Dean's mind suddenly supplied him with another idea. "We can. Or rather, I can." He amended quickly. Cas didn't eat anymore. "I can use the innards to make pumpkin pie." He grinned as he handed a knife to Cas. "But the carving of the pumpkin isn't necessarily to get the innards."
"This is a human thing," Cas said suddenly, accepting the knife.
"Kinda. I'm sure if you asked Sam there would be some kind of basis for pumpkin carving. Keeping spirits away on Halloween or something." He turned the pumpkin, trying to figure out the best spot to begin opening it up. "But now it's just fun." He looked over at the angel still staring down the pumpkin. "You remember fun?"
Cas rolled his eyes and nodded. "I suppose this is a messy endeavor."
"Oh yeah." Dean set the knife down and began rolling up his sleeves of the flannel he currently wore. Not like he could feel cold in Heaven.
After another second of staring, Cas set down his knife and slowly, removed his trench coat. He very carefully draped it over one of the chairs before removing the suit jacket as well. Dean blinked at him a few times while the other continued to stare down the pumpkin as though it would bite him. Eventually, he began to roll up the sleeves of his shirt.
"Is this appropriate?" He asked once he was done.
He looked strangely bare compared to the several years Dean had known him and it made some part of him ache. But he didn't want to evaluate that emotion right now. He pushed it down, swallowing thickly.
"Yes. Yeah." He picked up the knife again and looked down at his pumpkin. "First we need to open it." He instructed, hoping his voice was even. The other mirrored him, picking up his knife and watching Dean's every move.
He dug the knife into the pumpkin right below the stem. It was easy to ignore the other's state of dress as he began moving the knife through the pumpkin. He should have set out newspaper or a bowl to collect the pumpkin guts, but this was Heaven. He could make any mess he wanted and if he didn't want to see it, it would vanish. After a moment, he was able to grasp the stem and pull. It came apart with a satisfying squish and he set the stem aside. A second later, Cas pulled off the stem of his pumpkin, before looking down at the inside.
"Here comes the fun part." Dean was no stranger to messing his hands and he wasn't about to chicken out now.
He set the knife down and plunged into the pumpkin, grasping the insides — seeds and all — and pulling it out. It made him grin as fond memories came back to him at the movement. He continued for a while, watching Cas do the same out of the corner of his eye. He would have to instruct him on carving the pumpkin after this, but for now, he would enjoy the mess he was making of the kitchen table. He scraped and dug at the sides, making certain that every loose bit was taken out.
After a moment, he was pleased with the state of his pumpkin and decided to look over at Cas. The other's hands were a mess, much like his own. Bits of pumpkin guts stuck to his fingers and there was one long string that stretched up to his wrist. But he had a soft smile on his face as he pulled out another small handful. He was enjoying himself. And again, Dean ached.
On earth, he had been insistent on his sexuality. Vehemently. Even though he knew it wasn't true. Part of him was always subconsciously afraid of what would happen if he admitted that he didn't just like women, but men as well. He knew Cas technically didn't have a gender, as angels weren't even human and didn't always occupy human forms. And it wasn't even the vessel that Dean wrestled with his feelings for. It was the angel themself. He remembered the day they met on earth and the soft way Cas had asked him if he didn't think he was worthy of being saved. He had no memory of their meeting in Hell, though he remembered quite a bit of his experience there. He remembered every death Cas had experienced and the deep ache in his heart that was left every time. He remembered the elation he felt every time the damned angel returned. He remembered sinking into the other's touch as though he belonged there. He remembered the soft way Cas would look at him. He knew he felt something more than the brotherly love he claimed. And part of him was terrified to admit it.
What if he lost Cas forever?
The other noticed him watching, looking up at him curiously.
"Done?" He forced himself to say.
"I think so. Would you like to check?" He tilted the pumpkin toward Dean. He was glad to look at something other than the angel, staring down at the other's handiwork.
"Excellent." He grinned. "Here comes the fun part." He picked up the pencil he had left on the table, which now had a twin for Cas. "Whatever you want to carve, you should draw first." Dean didn't have anything fancy in mind for his pumpkin, he wasn't exactly the most artistic type. But even he could draw a few triangles and a typical mouth.
He pulled out one of the chairs, sitting on it as he began to sketch. Cas mirrored him, moving a bit too close to see what Dean was doing. Or well, he tried to tell himself the other was too close.
After a moment, Cas seemed to get the idea and began to work on his own pumpkin. Dean focused on the face he was making, rather than the other whose brows furrowed at his work. After several silent, yet tense, minutes. He set down his pencil and picked up the knife. He began carving, cutting piece after piece out of the pumpkin. He would have to go back in with a smaller knife to smooth out the edges, but this was already starting to look like how he remembered it.
Little Sam's brilliant grinning face swam to the forefront of his mind as he carved out one eye of the pumpkin.
Yes. This was a good idea.
He began working on the mouth when the other stood abruptly and began searching the kitchen for something. His pumpkin was carefully turned away from Dean and he resisted the temptation to look. After a moment, Cas returned with a peeler and began to work, focused intently on the pumpkin. Dean looked back to his own, focusing on creating the mouth just the way he imagined it. It was a generic pumpkin, nothing special. Except that it was special to him. A memory of at least two good times in his life. A memory of things worth remembering.
He stood after a moment, finding a smaller knife, and returned to the table, carving the finer lines of his pumpkin. After several more minutes, he was done. But Cas was still intently focused.
As a result, he began to clean. He could save the innards and make a pie, a skill he had developed more and more in Heaven. Given how much he loved pie, he should probably have learned to make it in his life. Or so his mother teased him at some point. So he did. He was determined to learn how to make it. He acquired book after book about baking and learned how to make pie from scratch. The last time his family had all met, this time in John and Mary's shared Heaven, for dinner, he brought homemade cherry pie.
Sam had been elated at Dean's skill and he ended up taking the pie home to his own Heaven. Now, Dean thought he'd keep this one for himself. He would share it with Cas too if the angel ate.
When was finished, and Cas was still working, he decided to keep his hands busy to keep thoughts at bay. So he found a candle and lit it, setting it inside the pumpkin. Soft orange light flickered in the kitchen while Dean began pulling the seeds from the pumpkin innards. He knew the seeds were edible, but he didn't know what he would do with them. So as he began to set them aside, they vanished one by one until he only had the innards left. He put them in a bowl and to mash and flavor as he saw fit. A quick glance told him the angel was still working, so he began to do just that. After a while, he had it flavored how he thought he would like it and then set it in his fridge.
Cas was currently pretending to be Michelangelo, so Dean continued his pie prep. Next was the crust.
He began to work, the ingredients appearing as he wanted them to. It was a surprisingly domestic situation, his mind told him.
He shoved the thoughts away again.
He focused on his work, readying the crust until he was happy with it. He took out a pie pan, setting the crust inside and readying it. After, he pulled the innards from the refrigerator and spread them across the crust. This would be great with some whipped cream and chocolate. His mouth was already watering thinking about it.
Eventually, he set the pie in the oven to cook. As he turned around, Cas set down the knife he was working with. The other examined his work, blue eyes jumping over the pumpkin before he looked up at Dean again.
"What now?"
Dean raised a finger to gesture for him to wait as he found another candle and lit it.
"Set that inside and then let's see it."
Cas did as he said, replacing the stem. After a moment, he turned the pumpkin toward Dean, a hopeful yet shy look on his face.
After a moment, Dean realized why. He tore his gaze away from the angel, looking at the pumpkin between them.
It was him. And Cas. And Sam. And Jack. And his parents. Their faces were carved expertly onto the pumpkin as though by the world's best artist. He could see every detail of their faces. It made his pumpkin look insignificant by comparison but he didn't care. The candle inside flickering, illuminating their faces. Dean opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again and then tried once more. He wanted to convey how beautiful he thought the angel's creation was, but the words were stuck in his throat, clogged by emotion.
"Did I do something wrong?" Cas asked, his deep voice filled with hesitation.
He couldn't take it anymore. Everything he shoved down and away came to the forefront of his mind. He quickly moved around the kitchen table, grasping the angel's shirt and backing him into one of the walls. Their lips collided and Cas reacted immediately, kissing him in return. Their positions shifted slightly, turning so Dean was now pinned against the wall as the other kissed him fiercely.
Every hesitation he had was long gone.
All he noticed now was the smell of pumpkin and candles in the kitchen. He knew the feeling over the other's chapped lips against his own. He felt the hardness of his body. He felt the way they fit together like puzzle pieces, as though they belonged together.
After a minute, broke apart. Not that Dean needed air anymore. He was certain he could probably spend hours not breathing and it would make a difference. In all reality, he was just an essence now. Just a soul.
The other was watching him with rapt attention. "I didn't know you felt that way."
"Because I was worried what would happen if I did." He didn't have any secrets anymore. This was Heaven, what good would secrets do now. Everything was said and done now. There was nothing else.
Cas surprised him, smiling slightly. "So was I."
He brought the other back into a crushing kiss as their bodies pressed closer. It truly was Heaven, if he could finally have this.
It was truly Heaven in Cas's arms.